COLEEN: 'Worried my friend is about to blow up her life for a fling'
Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader concerned about her married friend's obsession with a younger guy, and is unsure whether she should step in
She brought her frank views to Loose Women - now she is Britain's straightest-talking agony aunt, giving advice on your sex, relationship and life problems. EMAIL: dearcoleen@mirror.co.uk – sorry, but Coleen can’t reply personally WRITE TO: Coleen Nolan, The Daily Mirror, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP Don't miss her newsletter every Saturday. Sign up at bit.ly/MirrorColeen
Dear Coleen
I’m worried about my friend, who’s recently turned 40 and seems to be having some sort of midlife crisis. She’s fallen hard for a guy who’s 12 years younger. They work at the same place, so see each other every day. For the past few months, all she’s done is talk about this younger man and how much she fancies him.
Every time we go out, he’s the only topic of conversation and myself – and a few other friends – think she’s lost the plot. She has a really nice husband and two young kids, but I don’t think she’s aware that she could lose it all.
She’s admitted that her husband is suspicious, even though nothing has happened between her and this other guy. It’s an emotional affair for now, but I suspect it’s only a matter of time before they end up in bed together.
I’m seeing her for a drink soon and I want to say something to her and get her to see sense, but I don’t know what to say and how to say it. She’s always thought of herself as the naughty, wild, fun friend, while I’m the sensible one, so I’m not sure she’ll take anything I say seriously. Should I stand by and watch her blow up her life or tell her the truth?
Coleen says
At the moment, her ego is flying high and this crush is providing some excitement away from her day-to-day life as a wife and mum to two young kids. This younger guy has come along and made her feel young and attractive, but she’s not looking at the bigger picture at all.
Maybe the way to approach it is to ask her to think about why she’s craving that excitement. If life has become boring, then she should work on that.
It is hard when you become parents – you have to put effort into your relationship not being boring. Ask her to remember why she fell in love with her hubby and wanted to marry him and have kids. You don’t have to sound as if you’re lecturing her, but just ask if she’s really thought about what she’s doing and where this is going.
Yes, it’s exciting now, but if it carries on and something does happen, all she has ahead of her is devastation and heartache, probably for years. Get her to think about whether it’s worth it.
She should also consider that if this man is 28, what if he wants kids when he’s 35 or 40? My second husband, Ray, was 42 when I met him and desperate to be a dad. If I’d been 12 years older, it wouldn’t have worked.
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