BUCKTIN: Deranged Fox News host warns 'Daddy's not happy' after Trump's escalator blip
In this week's round-up of bonkers news from across the Pond: goldfish munching, a nutty squirrel and Hershey's spooky lawsuit
Christopher Bucktin is an award-winning journalist with more than 25 years of experience. A former Press Gazette Reporter of the Year, he has held senior roles including Head of Content, before relocating to the United States in 2013 to become US Editor. With a track record for breaking agenda-setting exclusives, he has reported from the front lines of America’s biggest news stories, led investigations into the Trump administration and the Jeffrey Epstein case. He holds weekly columns in the Daily Mirror, Daily Star and Reach's regional titles.
Deranged Fox News host Jesse Watters apparently took a broken elevator as a personal affront and a global crisis. After Donald Trump encountered a stuck escalator at the UN this week, the bonkers news anchor suggested it could be “sabotage” and ominously warned, “Daddy’s not happy.”
He claimed the “insurrection” warranted extreme measures, including leaving the UN, or, his magnum opus of solutions, bombing it. He did pause to note, helpfully, that “there might be some fallout” because, apparently, with the UN being in New York, geography maybe a little tricky.
All this over a minor mechanical hiccup that Trump himself dismissed with a joke about a “bad escalator and a bad teleprompter”.
*** Zookeepers in Minnesota have come up with a “grizzly” fix for the plague of supersized goldfish clogging US waterways - turning them into dinner.
The local zoo is trialling a scheme where invasive pet cast-offs, which grow to monstrous proportions once dumped in rivers, are fed to hungry residents like bears and otters. “Early results are promising,” said zoo nutritionist Kelly Kappen, though presumably not for the goldfish, who’ve gone from unwanted pets to all-you-can-eat specials.
*** A South Carolina teaching assistant has been flushed out of the classroom after allegedly unleashing “poop spray” at school. Alexander Paul Robertson Lewis, 32, is accused of repeatedly spritzing the foul-smelling prank product at West Florence High.
His high jinx has left pupils gagging, some needing medical attention, and the school footing a £41,000 repair bill for its conditioning system. The sheriff’s office said Lewis now faces charges of disturbing schools and malicious injury to property, proving once and for all that bathroom humour can get very expensive.
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A rogue nutcase is terrorising a San Francisco suburb, sending residents and at least two victims to the emergency room. Locals in San Rafael say a “very mean squirrel” leaps out of nowhere, clawing, biting and generally acting like a furry hitman.
One woman said it latched onto her leg “with the tail flying up,” while another described the critter going straight for her face before shredding her arm. Flyers are now plastered around the neighbourhood, warning: “Beware of attack squirrel. Forget nutty, this one’s gone full psycho.”
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Chocolate maker Hershey got off sweetly after a judge dismissed a lawsuit claiming Reese’s Halloween packaging was misleading. Shoppers had argued that the spooky designs on the wrappers didn’t match the featureless treats inside, which were missing jack-o’-lantern mouths and ghostly eyes.
US District Judge Melissa Damian wasn’t impressed, noting that while the chocolates might be less festive unwrapped, they weren’t “so flawed as to render them worthless”. In short: they still tasted like chocolate, even if they lacked a scary face.