'Trump's Department of War - nothing says peace like dropping bombs on boats'
In this week's round-up of the maddest news from across the Pond: the Mark Zuckerberg echo chamber, a violent wasp and drunk raccoons
US Defence Secretary Pete Hegseth insists America’s newly christened “Department of War” is really all about promoting peace - because nothing says serenity like blowing up boats in Venezuela.
“Those who long for peace must prepare for war,” the thick-as-a-brick Pentagon chief declared. “It’s because we want peace… the American people deserve peace.”
Critics were quick to point out the irony. Even fellow Republican Rand Paul slammed Hegseth’s airstrike on a suspected cartel boat, which killed 11 with zero evidence, as “a disdain for human life and due process”.
To Pistol Pete, apparently, dropping bombs is just his way of sending hugs. Love and peace, one missile at a time.
*** An Indiana bankruptcy lawyer named Mark Zuckerberg is taking on Facebook ’s Mark Zuckerberg after his Facebook page got repeatedly yanked for “impersonating” the Meta CEO.
The lawyer says his page has been disabled five times in eight years.
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North of the border, a 67-year-old British man’s epic motorcycle journey across Canada ended in a buzzkill when a wasp flew into his helmet and stung him, sending him crashing into a concrete barrier.
Martin Waring was left with a broken leg and nine ribs, admitting from hospital: “It’s motorcycling, right? It’s dangerous. You’re naïve to think it isn’t.”
His “wonderful” road trip may be over, but the wasp rode off without a scratch.
*** Tom Hanks may have collected medals in the movies, but West Point has just marched off with his latest honour. The academy’s alumni association had planned to give the Forrest Gump and Saving Private Ryan star its 2025 Thayer Award for embodying “Duty, Honour, Country”.
But weeks before the ceremony, the plug was pulled. Officials said they needed to focus instead on preparing cadets to “lead, fight and win” as future Army officers.
Forrest might’ve run across America, but this time, the red carpet stopped short.
*** Only in Florida. A 46-year-old man dressed in an inflatable puppy costume outside a Clearwater pet shop allegedly ditched the cute act and strangled a bike-riding teen he’d been feuding with.
Rodney Platthy - a registered sex offender moonlighting as a furry sign spinner for Sunshine Puppies - reportedly waved the kids over before pouncing.
Police say the stunt turned from puppy love to paw-ful violence in seconds.
Platthy was arrested for battery by strangulation, a felony.
*** A Kentucky nurse had an unexpected patient when she clocked in - a raccoon on a moonshine bender who needed CPR.
Misty Combs spotted the frazzled mum trying to haul her babies out of a skip behind the Letcher County Health Department, conveniently located next to a distillery.
The kits had toppled into a mash of water and fermented peaches - Kentucky’s least glamorous cocktail.
Armed with a shovel and motherly instincts, the nurse scooped one pup to safety, then yanked the second out by the tail.
The poor critter had clearly overindulged and wasn’t breathing, proving even raccoons can’t hold their liquor.