10 issues for lesbian and gay families
By Joan M. Burda, JD
1 | Recognition of relationships is the top issue. Most states do not recognize lesbian and
gay relationships. You need to be aware of the laws of your state. As of the first half of
2012, marriage equality exists in six states and the District of Columbia. Marriage equal-
ity legislation has been enacted in Maryland and Washington; those laws are being chal-
lenged in the November 2012 election. Other states allow same-sex couples to enter into
domestic partnership or civil unions. As a result of these inconsistencies, your legal status
can change as you cross state lines. Also, since the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA)
does not permit the federal government to extend statutorily/legally mandated benefits
to the legal spouses of lesbian and gay individuals entitled to such benefits, things like
Social Security survivor benefits or veteran’s benefits are not extended to same-sex
spouses. It’s therefore doubly important for same-sex couples to understand their legal
rights and to plan their finances accordingly.
2 | Children – A growing number of lesbian and gay couples are raising children born
through artificial reproductive technology or surrogacy. Carefully drafted donor
agreements or surrogacy contracts are essential, although not every state allows or
enforces them. Once the child is born, adoption by the non-biological partner/parent is
important: an adoption results from a court order, which is enforceable throughout the
United States. But remember, not all states allow second-parent or co-parent adoption.
That’s when a joint custody agreement, filed with a court, is helpful.
3 | Property includes everything from the house you live in (real estate) to the clothes
you wear and the pots and pans you use. Who owns what, and how do you know that?
It’s easy when you and your partner are getting along, but what would happen if you
decided to go your separate ways?
4 | Taxes – Most everyone pays taxes, and it’s something we all know at least a little bit
about. There are property taxes, income taxes, gift taxes and estate taxes. Lesbian and
gay couples who cannot legally marry or partner in their state do not have the same
tax benefits as heterosexual couples, and even those legally married or partnered do
not have the same federal tax benefits that married heterosexual couples do. We need
to know our rights and how to take advantage of the benefits written in the tax code.
Lesbian and gay couples living in community property states should consult with their
tax preparer to determine how the community property laws may affect them.
Financial Strategies
5 | Insurance comes in many forms: life, health, disability, you’re married does not mean you can get a divorce.
long-term care, homeowner’s, renter’s and automobile “Non-recognition” states do not recognize same-sex
insurance. Long-term care insurance can help pay for marriage, and you may find yourselves “wedlocked”.
a nursing home. Disability insurance is also important: 9 | Financial planning – Some believe you need to be
some employers provide it-but those benefits may be wealthy to go to a financial planner. Not true! A good
taxable. Are both partners’ names on the deed to the financial planner will help you figure out how you can
house? If not, the homeowner’s insurance will only make your money go further, plan for retirement, and
cover the owner-your partner is considered a renter and fund your children’s college education.
needs renter’s insurance. But don’t run out and put your 10 | Comprehensive estate plan – At the very least you need:
partner’s name on the deed-see #4-you may trigger a gift
• A will;
tax situation.
• A Durable General Power of Attorney (for finances
6 | Travel much? If you do, take your paperwork with you.
or health care) which allows an agent to act on your
The rights you have in your home state may not exist
behalf if you become incapacitated;
where you’re going. Scan the paperwork and use a
• Advance directives (living will, healthcare proxy)-
thumb drive. Don’t forget the children’s birth certificates
these documents are legally valid throughout the
and adoption papers.
United States, but the laws governing them vary from
7 | Family – Lesbians and gay men may be estranged
state to state;
from their birth families. If so, family interference in
• A HIPAA authorization which permits your health-
your relationship can be minimized, if not completely
care provider or insurance company to share your
avoided. Document your relationship, develop an estate
medical information with your partner;
plan, use a domestic partnership agreement to rebut,
“But they were just roommates.” • If you have children, add a parenting agreement;
8 | Terminating a relationship – Some relationships end. • Planning to get married? Consider a pre-nuptial
That’s a fact. This means dividing up the assets you agreement.
accumulated. These “assets” may include your children.
Figure out now what you’ll do if the worst happens.
Don’t wait until you’re angry to make decisions. Make These are the 10 main issues lesbian and
these decisions in advance and save yourself-and your gay couples need to think about. What are
children-much anxiety. Figure out the custody, support your goals? What do you want to accom-
and visitation matters now. Decide how you’ll resolve plish? Taking action will give you peace of
things-mediation or arbitration. It can be less expensive
mind and the freedom to spend time doing
than “I’ll see you in court.” And fights over children
rarely turn out well-for anyone. Because relationship
other things.
recognition varies from place to place, just because
Prepared by Attorney Joan M. Burda. The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect those
held by Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company.
The information provided is not written or intended as specific tax or legal advice and may not be relied on for purposes of avoiding any Federal tax
penalties. MassMutual, its employees and representatives are not authorized to give tax or legal advice. Individuals are encouraged to seek advice from
their own tax or legal counsel. Individuals involved in the estate planning process should work with an estate planning team, including their own personal
legal or tax counsel.
© 2012 Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company, Springfield, MA 01111-0001. All rights reserved. www.massmutual.com. MassMutual Financial Group is a marketing name for
Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual) and its affiliated companies and sales representatives.
LG1023 113 CRN201411-166546
