WIN THE DAY

The Ultimate Coach’s Guide to Build and Sustain a Championship Culture

JERRY LYNCH, Ph.D

Author of Coaching with Heart

Foreword By

STEVE KERR

Head Coach of World Champion Golden State Warriors

 CONTENTS

FOREWORD: Steve Kerr

INTRODUCTION: Rediscovering our North Star

PART I: CONNECTING AS FAMILY: Win the Day Culture

CULTURAL WISDOM
WIN THE GAME OR WIN THE DAY
SACRED CIRCLE: SIGNAL AND SYMBOL
THE NEW NORMAL
DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY
TEAM CULTURAL MAGIC
LA FAMILIA CULTURA

PART II: LEADING WITH CARE: Win the Day Coaching

POWER OF INFLUENCE
FEELINGS EQUAL FUNCTION
RIVER EFFECT
THE RELATIONSHIP GAME
LISTENING WITH HEART
MINDFUL SELF AWARENESS
LEADING AUTHENTICALLY

PART III: IDENTIFYING PERSONAL VALUES: Win the Day Character

CHARACTER: Doing the Right Thing
COMPASSION: Generosity of an Open Heart
COMMITMENT: Devotion to a Worthy Cause
COURAGEOUSNESS: Show Up, Dare Greatly
GRATEFULNESS: Finding Deep Meaning
INTEGRITY: Search for Uncompromising Principles
JOYFULNESS: Raising the Fun Factor
RESPECTFUL: Creating a Spirit of Loyalty
SELFLESSNESS: It’s About Pointing Fingers
VULNERABILITY: Leaning Into a Scary Place

PART IV: ESTABLISHING TEAM VALUES: Win the Day Competing

BELIEF: No Fixed Limits, No Fixed Mind
COMPETITIVENESS: Playing With Hair on fire
FEARLESSNESS: Feel Free and Fly
GRIT: Hanging Tough, Playing Rough
LOVE: Greatest Success Strategy Ever
MINDFULNESS: Dwelling in the Simple Present
PERSEVERANCE: Enduring Effort, Consistent Strength
POSITIVITY: Changing Thoughts, Changing Lives
SUFFERING: Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
TRUST: Bedrock of Sacred Space
PART V: FINDING LIFE BALANCE: Win the Day Choices

GRATITUDE
EXERCISE
NUTRITIONAL
MEDITATIVE
READING
STRENGTH
THE RIVER
AFFIRMATION
HYDRATION
RELATIONSHIP
KINDNESS
 FOREWORD
Steve Kerr

In the summer of 2014, a couple of months after being named the

head coach of the Golden State Warriors, I traveled to Seattle to visit Pete
Carroll and watch the Seahawks’ training camp. I had always admired Pete
from afar, and though I had never met him, I was anxious to pick his brain
about coaching. For years I watched his teams – both at USC and in Seattle
– play with an amazing combination of speed, discipline and joy, achieving
incredible success at the highest levels of the sport. In fact the Seahawks had
just won Super Bowl XLVIII in February in a demolition of the Broncos,
running, smiling and laughing their way to a huge victory. As I prepared for
the very first coaching job of my life, I thought to myself, “I want the
Warriors to look like the Seahawks.” And while I knew that spending a few
days observing Pete and his team would be helpful, I had no idea that the
visit would help shape my entire philosophy on coaching.
The next few days were fantastic. I sat in on team meetings, ate meals
with the coaches, and watched the Seahawks practice up close. Pete made
sure I was a part of everything. At one point he told me to stick my head in
the middle of the offensive huddle and listen to Russell Wilson call the play
to his teammates. I had an up close view of the best football team in the
world at work, and it was fascinating. But what I will always remember – for
the rest of my life – was when Pete called me into his office on Day 2, sat
me down and asked, “So how are you going to coach your team?” I wasn’t
exactly sure what he meant, so I hesitated and replied “you mean like what
offense are we going to run?” And Pete said “no, that stuff doesn’t matter.
I’m talking about what your day is going to look like. What practice will feel
like. What the environment will be. How your team will feel coming to work
everyday.”
At that point I had put in a ton of work preparing for my job. I had
studied successful teams, built a video library of innovative plays, visited
with other coaches in different sports, and written down all kinds of concepts
and theories that I thought would work with the Warriors. But when Pete
asked me those questions, I realized I didn’t really have a plan yet. I didn’t
know how practice would feel, or whether the players would enjoy the
process, or what kind of culture we would have. I figured that stuff would
just kind of happen on its own. But that’s when Pete broke it down for me
and helped me understand the very essence of coaching. “Write down ten
things that are important to you when you get back to your hotel tonight,” he
said. “What are the most important things to you, personally, in your life?
When you come back tomorrow, we are going to narrow down those ten
things to four. Those four principles represent you as a human being. We are
all unique, so your four will be different from my four. But if you are
authentic with your team, and your daily routine at practice and games and
team meetings reflects your principles, your personal core values, well then,
now you’re going somewhere. Now you’re building a culture. Now you’re
coaching.
I want back to my hotel that night and thought about what I had
witnessed at practice that day. There was music blasting on the speakers.
Players were competing in every drill, desperate to win every single
confrontation. There was intense study and preparation and interaction in the
team meetings, which were all upbeat and led by various assistant coaches.
There was even a basketball shooting competition before the team meeting
in the auditorium, with a stationary basket set up near the front. This was a
daily ritual, and Pete had me compete against their resident champion, wide
receiver Bryan Walters. I lost. (Which I’m still bitter about). I walked out of
that building feeling on fire, adrenaline pumping, excited about life, excited
about the Warriors, excited about coaching. And that’s when it dawned on
me – Pete Carroll had built his team’s entire practice routine around the
energy, curiosity, positivity and joy that defined him. His team was a
reflection of him, because every day was based on Pete’s values, on what
was important to him. And the combination of that wonderful culture and an
amazingly gifted roster had helped the Seahawks win the Super Bowl. It all
made sense.
I went back to Oakland with thoughts flying through my head. I
already had an idea of how I wanted our team to look and play. But in order
for things to take hold, all of the concepts and ideas and theories that I was
ready to throw at my team had to be crystallized into a core philosophy, one
that would be reflected in our daily routine. The team had to feel my
authenticity, vulnerability, connection, caring and my passion for the job and
for my players and for our success. Ultimately, for the Warriors’ core values,
I decided on joy, mindfulness, compassion and competition. Those were the
four principles that were ingrained in me, that had been instilled in me either
through my own life experiences or through genetics. Those were the things
that mattered to me as a person, and everything we were going to do, every
day, would reflect those values.
By the time training camp started, my staff and I had designed a
routine that we felt would elicit a fun, disciplined, fast paced style from our
team. Practices were relatively brief but they were swift. Music blasted in
the gym during warm-ups and shooting drills. Video sessions were filled
with humor as well as instruction. Our coaches took turns running drills and
spent plenty of time getting to connect with and know the players and their
families. We knew it wouldn’t happen overnight, but we felt that over time
our players would feel our joy, sense our caring and compassion for them,
recognize our competitive desire and our mindful approach to coaching. And
hopefully, if we were consistent with that routine, the team would begin to
take on an identity that reflected those ideals. Of course, connection and
caring along with the core values would help to solidify the culture.
I’m proud to say that over time, our Warriors team has had wonderful
success, mainly because we have had an incredibly talented group. The
culture that has taken hold is shown in Steph Curry’s joy, in Draymond
Green’s competitiveness, in the mindfulness of Andre Iguodala and the
compassions of Shaun Livingston and Klay Thompson. It is shown in the
brilliantly unselfish play of Kevin Durant, who wanted to be a part of a team
that connects, cares for and sacrifices for one another and has forged an
identity of his own amongst this wonderful group of players. Ultimately,
players determine a team’s ultimate success. It is the coach’s job to give
those players a vision, to develop a routine and a pattern that is meaningful
and consistent. And when those things come together, the results can be
beautiful.
And, here is a natural time to segue into the book you are holding,
WIN THE DAY, written by Dr. Jerry Lynch. It is a book about the power of
connection, caring and core values in a successful team culture, much like
that of the Golden State Warriors. It is a book that will help you to create,
model and sustain what championship teams like the Seahawks and Warriors
do on a daily basis. Through our conversations, texts and emails, Jerry has
helped me to pass on the “win the day” philosophy in our Warrior culture. To
achieve success in sports, I believe a team’s culture has to be connective,
caring and authentic, one way or another. It must come from the heart and
soul of the coach and the athletes. Jerry captures that important dynamic
perfectly in WIN THE DAY, his seminal project in a long, distinguished
career in sports, and helps you to implement its guiding principles.
Jerry has written 13 books and aided 115 championship teams in 30
years of culture work at the pro and college level. I first met him during my
playing days with the Chicago Bulls through our mutual friend and coach,
Phil Jackson. Jerry’s books, THINKING BODY, DANCING MIND and THE
WAY OF THE CHAMPION were an inspiration to me during my playing
days and now valued by me as a coach. And Jerry continues to inspire me
with his latest work, as I advance my coaching skills and career, trying to
make the best possible connection and demonstrate caring with my players
which helps them achieve their ultimate individual and collective greatness.
WIN THE DAY is a book that every coach, athlete, CEO and leader in any
aspect of life should read to understand how to best build a “win the day”
culture for a team’s ultimate success.
 INTRODUCTION
Rediscovering our North Star

Until I understand where I am, I can’t get to where I’m going. This is the
value of a compass when we need to know we’re going in the right direction.
But we also have an internal North Star…that little nudge that tells us if we
are on the right path to fulfilling our potential.
John C. Maxwell, Author, Leadership, Coaching

For me, that nudge is a set of core values that keeps us on track as a
culture. My advice is to pull out the spiritual compass that I present in this
book every so often and make sure you are going in the best direction on this
journey in sports and life.
My purpose in writing this book is to make a difference in the lives of
coaches and athletes, to change the status quo of sports cultures and to offer
an ethical, spiritual and emotional compass that can inspire, empower and
guide others to believe that their lives can be something other than ordinary.
It is a book about caring, core values and connection, of competing and
coaching with love in athletics and life. As a philosophical base, I lean on
the wisdom, teachings and values of a variety of cultures such as ancient
Chinese and Buddhist thought, Native American tradition and Western
psychology. For example, Taoist warriors understood that the power of their
honorable core values (included in this book) was greater than the power of
arms. This is what the Chinese call Wu Shi, or the Warrior spirit, which is
about being totally alive to experience your potential for peak capacity using
values they considered weapons of the heart. These core values - connection
and caring are our non-negotiables. They are our North Star. According to
President Barack Obama, “There are gonna be a set of core values that
shouldn’t be up for debate. They should be our North Star.” Much in
agreement with Obama is CEO of Apple Tim Cook: “Your core values
matter. They are your North Star.”
Being a champion is more than simply winning on the scoreboard; it
is about winning the bigger, deeper more meaningful lessons of life through
the experience of athletics. Basically, coaches and athletes champion what I
call a “win the day” attitude by executing the important little things they can
control now. It is an attitude that asks and answers the question: what’s
important now? Greg Mckeown, in his book, Essentialism, talks about how
WIN is an acronym that stands for “what’s important now?” – the “in the
present” experience of the play at hand, rather than obsessing over future
results or outcomes. You WIN by staying focused on how you’re competing
now and thinking about your game plan, not the opponent’s, and
concentrating on what I call the essential absolutes, all those items you can
control…your North Star.
WIN THE DAY lays out the essential core values of championship
sports cultures. This book is a way to care, connect and help unite others,
embrace diversity, have each other’s backs, be selfless and work together for
a common cause greater than any ideology or any one individual. It is a book
to help build, cultivate and sustain a culture of champions who “win the
day” by practicing specific core values that we all crave. It is about
rediscovering our North Star or conscious compass in a chaotic world and
infusing those values into our nervous systems in order to experience
extraordinary performance and a sense of equanimity with right action and a
more mindful way of competing and living. “Win the Day” means that
coaches and athletes control what they can and let go of outcomes and
results. It means to never give up regardless of the score, never be fearful of
losing because it’s our greatest teacher, and never let your opponent defeat
your spirit, your commitment to winning the day. It is about physical,
emotional, spiritual and mental preparation and doing the little important
things brilliantly in the present moment rather than the big things marginally
in the future. It’s all about “what’s important now” (WIN) in order to win the
day.
I combine the body of work I have created with 115 championship
cultures in the hope of changing the world of sports as we know it, while
inspiring more joy, happiness, fulfillment and success to anyone ready for a
change in the status quo. I will make available to the reader practical, easy to
implement tools, strategies, exercises and activities that I have successfully
used with coaches and athletes in championship cultures for a more caring
and connected environment.
For example, to implement the value of selflessness, I tell a story
about a professional athlete who gave up his starting role because it was in
the best interest of his team. Then I offer this exercise for all athletes to use:
Every Monday, group text your team telling them what specifically you will
do that will demonstrate a “giving attitude,” a selfless act of kindness. In this
way, they take ownership and accept responsibility with a willingness to be
held accountable. We discuss this together and make sure all are on the same
page in order to win the day.
 I also combine this wisdom and experience from my work over the
past 30 years with the expertise of twelve nationally acclaimed Hall of Fame
head coaches from the professional and collegiate ranks who utilize the core
values presented in this book with their championship cultures. Together
they have amassed well over 100 national championships in a variety of
sports. I have had the honor of working intimately with most of these iconic
coaches and their teams as well as having had the opportunity to talk with
and/or simply observe the others. A point that should not be lost here is that
these 12 coach examples I’ve chosen to feature present an interesting mix of
personalities and used a variety of practices throughout their careers. Despite
their disparate approaches and differences in personality, all of them
recognized the significance of team culture and were open to learning about
how to create environments that allowed themselves and their athletes to
excel. There are other, current successful coaches I’m less familiar with that
I refer to in this book who have cultivated and sustained winning cultures
such as Dabo Swinney, head football coach of nation champions at Clemson
University.
Here is a list of 12 Hall of Fame coaches, the programs they coached and the
number of national and conference Championships they’ve won as coach
and athlete.

COACH CULTURE CHAMPONSHIPS WON

STEVE KERR G.S. Warriors Basketball Eight (8)

CINDY TIMCHAL University Maryland Lacrosse, USNA Twenty-one (21)

ANSON DORRANCE University North Carolina Soccer Twenty-two (22)

PHIL JACKSON Chicago Bulls, L.A. Lakers Basketball Thirteen (13)

MISSY MEHARG Maryland Field Hockey Thirty (30)

JOHN WOODEN UCLA Basketball Ten (10)

NANCY STEVENS University Connecticut Field Hockey Three (3)

DEAN SMITH University North Carolina Basketball Two (2)

BILL WALSH San Francisco 49ers Football Five (5)

BOB HANSEN Middlebury College, UCSC Tennis Fifteen (15)

MISSY FOOTE Middlebury College Lacrosse Four (4)

PETE CARROLL Seattle Seahawks and USC Three (3)

This book applies the expertise and wisdom of these Hall of Fame
coaches through their personal stories, anecdotes, and opinions about
crafting their championship cultures. They show how using these core values
drives and sustains winning in sports and life. Their contributions appear
throughout the book. I also enter the discussion and take on the “heavy
lifting” showing how I have implemented these special values and
constructed strong, effective, successful team cultures. I also refer to less
well-known coaches to comment within my text on their cultural
philosophies and how they implement their core values in order to win the
day.
 These core values, emblematic of various championship cultures,
include joy, selflessness, competition, mindfulness, gratefulness, integrity
compassion, humility, respect, trust, fearlessness, perseverance, love and
many more (see TOC). These essential values, craved and cherished by all
coaches and athletes, are imperative in establishing emotionally safe, healthy
and functional environments that promote loyalty, mental toughness, self-
esteem, and an eagerness to “go the distance” on or off the court. Such a
rigorous inner journey demands an outside-the-box mentality as we gain a
sense of higher purpose, something that is bigger than the game itself, our
capacity to care more deeply and connect.
These coaches have each built something special with their teams.
This book will offer them a broader opportunity to build something special
for all of us connected to athletics. The contribution of these coaches to this
project becomes a gift for future generations of athletes, coaches and leaders
seeking guidance on creating healthy cultures and lives. It affords them an
additional opportunity to be proactive in changing the status quo by offering
their core values to those of us who crave a shift in how we perceive sports
as an opportunity for full human capacity. Two of my heroes, Martin Luther
King, Jr., and Nelson Mandela, used many of these same values to advocate
for positive change as well as elevating one’s performance. I do something
similar in this book by using sports as the vehicle to achieve such important,
profound and penetrating change personally and athletically.
WIN THE DAY is a call for change. It is written to help coaches and
athletes to know “what’s important now?” to connect, to care for each other
and to create, cultivate, drive and sustain a team culture of champions. I do
this by using methods, strategies and core values that empower and guide
others to succeed, perform well and be fearless in emotionally safe,
cohesive, loving environments that will help all involved to thrive and be
victorious on and off the field. You can’t control winning a game, but you
can control doing what’s important now and WIN the day. When you do,
you position yourself for great things to happen.
 PART I

CONNECTING AS FAMILY: Win the Day Culture

I’m convinced that the concept of team connection and family in a

culture is right on the money. The relationship piece for coaches is
wonderfully profound.
Anson Dorrance, Head Coach UNC Women’s Soccer
 I believe that we are all inextricably connected to each other in a very
deep, profound and spiritual way solidified in love and compassion. Chip
Conley, author of Wisdom @ Work, affirms my belief as he describes
connection as “the empathic capacity to resonate with others…the capacity
for empathy and intimacy.” There is no place for the notion of separateness
in my cultures. Our so-called “separateness” is an illusion that must be
examined and transcended. Author and American philosopher, William
James, addresses this illusion when he claimed: “we are like islands in the
sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”
My championship cultures must first learn that we’re all connected
and find ways to discard the illusion of separateness. We are all human
beings not human doings. We all suffer pain, loss, disappointment; we all
experience joy, victory and happiness. My mission is to “win the day” and
do this in a culture that learns how to break down the barriers and connect
for something bigger than us or the game itself.
Win the Day cultures are very much like a flock of Canada geese,
migrating to warmer climates; they fly and connect together in a V
formation, selflessly giving to each other on this challenging journey. When
they connect in this way, they can fly seventy percent further than if they had
not done so. Notice how these majestic birds are continually communicating
with each other the sweet sounds of encouragement and positive chatter;
they could be saying “way to go, big bird, keep it up, looking strong, you
can do it.” Win the day organizations and teams mimic their fine feathered
friends in this way. Organizational management consultant and prolific
author, Meg Wheatley, knows much about the power of team connection. In
her insightful book, A Simpler Way, she mentions her “organization could
accomplish so much more if they relied on the passion evoked when we
connect to others…so many of us hunger to discover who we might become
together.”
The wisdom of the ART OF WAR, the ancient Chinese book of
strategy by Sun-Tzu, reinforces Wheatley’s astute observation. In it, Sun-
Tzu tells us that a cohesive, unified team, well connected and competing
with one heart and soul often will defeat a more talented group that lacks
such qualities. From my experience with championship teams in various
sports, there’s nothing more satisfying and astounding than experiencing
such a team of inspired, cohesive, well-connected for athletes competing
together.
Strategist Sun-Tzu is perhaps more relevant for athletes and leadership
today than when written over 2,000 years ago. He believed that the key to
triumph in battle is unity of purpose and connection. In his book, he states:
 Those who establish a viable group will win even if
they are small. The key to all operations is
harmony and connection with people.

Of course, the “win” he refers to could relate to the acronym WIN as

in “what’s important now?” and, more likely, what is important now is how
we win the day by being connected with our teams, staff and the game itself.
Strong team cultures are well aware of how synergy and cooperative
action impact success. It is the key to team effectiveness in any arena of life.
In his insightful book Playing for Keeps, David Halberstam talks about how,
at the University of North Carolina, under the guidance of iconic coach Dean
Smith, “everything was built around the concept of team…In the long run he
believed that you went further by working as a team and sacrificing
individually to team effort…it would serve his players better later in their
lives.” Who could argue with such a successful program – and the success of
its graduates twenty years later?
Coach Phil Jackson believes that good teams become great ones when
they adopt the notion of selflessness, trust each other, and get beyond the
“me” for the “we.” He believes that the critical ingredient for a
championship is love and connection, the elements of sharing, giving, and
deep caring. He recently told me that as an NBA coach, the standard for
connection he used was the Native American culture who acknowledged the
need to honor opponents, tribe, nature and life. It is all about connection and
compassion and this is how we can win the day.
Connection for Coach Pete Carroll’s Seattle Seahawks culture is
enhanced when we’re all being authentic and genuine. This is when strong
bonds and relationships happen. He spends a good amount of time on this
aspect of team, one of the reasons for much of their success.
Connection for the Seahawks, as it is with Steve Kerr’s Warriors, goes
beyond the X’s and O’s. They create environments where trust is established
and the relationship game is won. I will get more specific about how to
achieve this as we progress in this book, learning how to implement
particular ways to establish such a culture. For now, simply assume that your
team is hungry for and craves something in life where they can be part of a
group bigger than themselves and the game itself, doing something for the
greater good. Talking with coach Anson Dorrance from University of North
Carolina recently, he told me he’s convinced that this idea about connection
in the win the day culture is, in his words, “right on the money.”
 Once again, Meg Wheatley strongly affirms what we’ve been
expressing about the importance and value of connection when working with
teams and organizations. She states that if “we took the time to ground our
work in the deep connections that engage us, we would be overwhelmed by
the energy and contribution so willingly given.”
The rest of this section of the book will help you discover ways and
methods that will facilitate connection within your win the day culture.
 CULTURAL WISDOM

Culture is what we believe, how we behave

And the experiences that our behavior produces
Coach Urban Meyer

Perhaps the biggest buzz in the arena of athletics today is the word
culture. My business could exist by working exclusively with teams who
wish to build and sustain a healthy, functional team culture. Simply stated,
culture is the essential absolute in the success of all teams in sports and life.
On a more poetic level, Daniel James Brown, author of the bestselling
book, BOYS IN THE BOAT, beautifully and clearly describes the spirit of
culture: “You become part of something bigger, larger than yourself; you
find something you did not know you possessed. There are mystical
moments of pride, elation and love for each other. Moments you’ll tell your
grandchildren. Moments that bring you closer to your maker, forming bonds
of trust and affection, a place where all become one. It’s a rare thing, it’s
sacred. It’s exquisite, a sense of exhilaration...why we play.” In this passage
he reinforces what I’ve been teaching for years about connection, about
interaction, everyone from top to bottom working together and engaged in
elevating the group imperative. It’s what really matters in the building of a
champion culture. Continuing along this path, Brown talks about giving of
yourself spiritually and emotionally and leaving a piece of your heart to the
process. It is comparable to a symphony. If one is out of tune, the whole
group collapses. This is no different for any team who desires to experience
success. This is what I call cultural wisdom.
Culture is a group’s identity, the foundation of all championship level
teams. For a coach, culture is a vision put into action. It is a set of clearly
defined core values and behaviors that help you win the day and drive and
sustain winning on the scoreboard and in life. The Latin word for culture is
cultus, which means to care, requiring nothing less than giving a piece of
your heart to others. It’s a shared mission of caring and connection,
impacting coaches, athletes and all those connected to the group. It has been
said that the success of the US Navy Seals culture is directly related to
connection, caring, selflessness and a pervasive sense of family.
The Japanese have a special word for what I’ve been referring to as
cultural wisdom. It is called KAIZEN. Conceived of as a way for the country
to restore itself after the devastation of WWII, they created a culture similar
to my win the day philosophy. It was a culture of continual growth and
improvement, where all workers at all levels engaged in building a cohesive
team together. Like my concept of cultural wisdom, Kaizen sought to
humanize the workplace, create a safe environment where mistakes were
instantly corrected; one that would nurture the people and build strong
relationships by praise and encouragement, where everyone felt relevant,
important and valued. Kaizen is a win the day philosophy, what I call an
action plan – or a mission that takes one day at a time and controls what you
can as a way to move slowly, methodically forward to create amazing results
in the long-term on a continual basis. Like Kaizen, Win the Day is the
mission keeping all of us on track moving toward future goals of growth,
improvement and ultimate victory. I know that coaches you respect like Bill
Walsh, Pete Carroll, Steve Kerr, Brad Stevens and Anson Dorrance are very
much aligned with this fascinating concept of Kaizen and see its relationship
to winning the day. Their focus is on continuous, steady improvement, in the
moment, one day at a time. For example, 49’ers coach Bill Walsh said “I
have no grandiose plan for winning a championship but rather a standard
and plan for installing a level of competency at which our production level
would become higher…on and off the field, than that of our opponents. I had
faith the score would take care of itself.”
This iconic football coach won 5 Super Bowls with the San Francisco
49ers. He knows a few things about culture. According to Walsh, “the
development of a successful team begins with a successful culture. The
culture precedes positive results. It doesn’t get tacked on as an afterthought.”
He called his culture the “Standard of Performance” which represented the
team’s core values and ideals based on high standards, hard work and strong
commitment and connection to all those within the culture. Years ago I was
honored to have a conversation with him about this while I was working at
Stanford. His comments about culture influenced and changed my approach
to team work immediately. I began to understand from that meeting the
relevance of culture and core values. It shifted my focus forever and this
book is the summation of all I’ve learned since that fortuitous moment.
Anson Dorrance, head women’s soccer coach at the University of
North Carolina, told me he attributes his 22 national championships to the
team’s eleven core values. “These principles produce our extraordinary
results; we do this by how we win the day, our practice process.” It is based
on connection and authentic caring.
University of Alabama head football coach, Nick Saban, believes that
you must have a vision of what kind of program you want to have, followed
by a plan to implement it, and then develop congruent core values that
reflect such a vision.
My friend and role model for much of my leadership and coaching
work is Phil Jackson, winner of 13 World Championships in the NBA as
coach and player. Jackson compares a championship culture to a tribe of
warriors, a unified cohesive group with strong core of values and a sacred
quest, the drive for a championship by winning the day. Unlike a team that
simply works together for a common goal, a tribe is a deeply connected
group who care about each other’s success and buy-in to a set of core values
that drive winning. What connects a team is what they do. What connects a
tribe is why they do it: for the love of each other and something bigger than
winning on the scoreboard. In a recent communication with Phil, he
emphasized to me the importance and value of a strong culture, mentioning
how “compassion for opponents” is a vital component in a tribe culture.
Phil’s connection to “tribe” runs deep having had many years among what
he calls “the First American’s” culture, the Lakota Nation.
Throughout this book, I will be referencing several points of cultural
wisdom to this Lakota Nation through the profound voice of Joseph
Marshall III, a gifted historian, story teller, author of 13 books and a member
of the Sicunga Lakota Sioux. His book, THE LAKOTA WAY, is filled with
relevant values that compare to those I use in my work with teams. In his
book he talks about the concept of culture wisdom which ties into Jackson’s
notion of tribe and my win the day philosophy. Wisdom, according to
Marshall, “comes from the light as well as from the darkness; it gives depth
of insight, the perception that only comes from experiencing our numerous
struggles.” This is exactly connected to the culture wisdom promoted in WIN
THE DAY.
Over the past 30 years, I have had the honor of being an intimate part
of 115 championship teams that drove and sustained success. For me, the
road was rocky at times with moments of doubt but I never lost confidence
in the teaching and implementation of those solid standards that I believed
would create and sustain a great team, an extraordinary organization
regardless of the scoreboard. These were teams where standards were high
and fear was low.
Whether you know it or not, you have a team culture. Not being aware
of this is to run the risk of leaving its proper development to chance. Notice
what works and what doesn’t. Like coach Steve Kerr in the Foreword, ask
yourself what you value most. What are the overt important values to you,
personally, in your life? Narrow them down to the best four that represent
you as a human being. What matters to you as a person? Then help your
team to live these values each day. (See section on Core Values). Your
success depends on your observation of these inner values. Sustained
success is intentional and begins with walking the talk. Connecting, setting
standards, boundaries, values and direction help the athletes to be aligned –
on the same page. Teams that win the day do so by connection, caring and
executing their core values. When this happens, morale is high, commitment
is strong, behaviors are congruent, integrity is demonstrated, goals are more
easily attainable, connection is palpable, work ethic is solid, loyalty is
apparent and enthusiasm, excitement, caring and inspiration are experienced.
When a culture is solid and safe, everyone wins the day. When you win the
day, adhering to the cultural champion process which dictates the way you
live and compete, it positions everyone for positive outcomes and results.
The essence of a good culture is in how it demonstrates connection which
drives and sustains success. It is a daily process and controllable. It is the
standard by which we set the tone that helps to win the day. It is the driving
force that embodies a sense of toughness, courage, passion and attitude that
helps rise above obstacles when they appear.
Whether winning a championship or not, every team that adopted the
core values that I taught plus those they chose and developed, lived, played,
practiced and competed like champions. This is the essence of WIN THE
DAY. It was their culture; it was how they, the coaches, athletes and
everyone involved with the program from top to bottom, did things together,
connected to each other, that led them to believing they could do and be
something other than ordinary…and they did and they were. In a phrase, the
connection in their culture enabled them to win the day.
Let me summarize all the above and present to you a vision of what
cultural wisdom is, a vision that sets a tone and guides me and my teams in
the culture building process at all levels of performance from high school up
to the professional ranks. What I suggest you do in implementing these ideas
is to sit in your team circle and have a full participatory discussion about
each one and why it’s relevant to your program, answering questions where
appropriate:

 Culture is who we are and how we do things

“around here.” How do we do things around
here?
 Culture is about socially transmitted
behavior patterns, beliefs, thoughts; these
are the traits of the “Culture of Champs.”
What are our patterns, beliefs and traits?
  Culture is a set of predominant
attitudes/behaviors that characterize the
team. What are ours in this culture?
 A culture is an atmosphere and environment
that is welcoming and nurturing. How is this
true for us?
 Culture works together to arrive at a
common understanding that benefits all
rather than one. What does this mean to
you?
 Culture is a bond – not essential to be “best
friends” (although this is often the outcome)
and it is crucial to accept and respect other’s
interests, strengths, and weaknesses. How do
we do this?
 Culture is a group that resembles a family.
What is a family? How does it act?
 Leadership in a culture that is healthy is
everyone’s job. Leading is when you reflect
the culture you create. What does this mean
to us?
 Ritual – all healthy cultures create ritual, be
it pre-game, practice, meditation or
visualization, post-game. What is yours?
What are ours? Come up with one if none
already exist.

From here, we can now segue into a deeper understanding of what it

means to win the day, given our understanding of Cultural Wisdom.
 WIN THE GAME OR WIN THE DAY

Through our conversation, emails and texts, Jerry Lynch helped me to pass
on his Win the Day philosophy to our Warrior culture to achieve success. I
believe a team culture has to be connective, caring and authentic and Win
the Day. In his book, he’ll help you to implement its guiding principles.
Coach Steve Kerr, Golden State Warriors

The ancient Chinese book of strategy, THE ART OF WAR by Sun-Tzu,

teaches us that the war is won before the battle begins. In other words, for
sports, it’s all about preparation, doing all the controllable little things that
position us for ultimate victory. It is in reading this 2,000 year-old tome that
the win the day approach was first conceived of by me.
When a team shows up to win the game, their focus is on outcomes
and results, something they cannot control. In turn, this could cause them to
become tight, tense, tentative, nervous, fearful and stressed. When such
feelings occur, confidence declines and self-doubt rises. Losing confidence
positions you to compete at levels lower than what’s possible resulting in a
lackluster performance.
Conversely, when a team shows up to win the day, they focus on all
the little things that they can control. For example, a basketball team would
concentrate on boxing out, crashing the boards, sprinting the lanes, diving
for the 50/50 ball and playing “in your face” defense. What are the little
things in your sports? Ask your athletes to create a list and when appropriate,
do it by position. When you execute your controllables, you become calm,
relaxed and poised. As a result, confidence climbs as self-doubt wanes. Even
the pros like the Golden State Warriors forget about their culture norm of
winning the day and must be reminded by coach Kerr to show up to simply
compete and let the outcome take care of itself. This happened during their
2015 championship run when they were down to the Cleveland Cavaliers in
the finals 2 games to 1. The distracting media talked about the fourth “must
win” game. Steve reminded his guys to play Warrior ball, focusing on all the
controllable little things and compete in this way. They won big that night on
the road to the NBA title, their first of 3 in 4 years. They accomplished this
by winning the day.
I used the concept of win the day recently on a visit with one of my
teams, men’s tennis at Middlebury College. To give a little history, they had
played for the national championship the year before and lost in the finals.
The team came back determined to win it this past season. I listened,
observed and noticed how stressed they seemed and they hadn’t even begun
their season, four months away from the tournament. They wanted to talk
about winning it all and I suggested that they let that thought go and focus
on what’s important now? (WIN). I mentioned that when they focus on
outcome and results, it’s something they can’t control and it can make them
tight and tense…no way to play tennis. In its place, I recommended that they
focus simply on the important process of being connected with their values
and friends and thereby win the day: doing their mental and physical
routines, working hard at a consistent high level, one ball at a time,
demonstrating positive body language, supporting each other, being selfless
and fearless, demonstrating courage, patience and perseverance, getting
proper rest, eating well and doing all of this each day. They adapted the
concept, placed the mantra “win the day” on the back of a shirt and rode this
focus to winning the national championship.
Their head coach, Bob Hansen, talks about it this way: “Win the Day
is a concept that has helped me crystallize what I’ve been trying to do for
years. The guys could get their heads and hearts around this idea and focus
on what’s most important in the moment. Now, every single practice is a
Win the Day event.”
Cindy Timchal, coach of a national championship team in women’s
lacrosse, continues to ride my win the day mantra to victory at NAVY. “We
shout it out all the time. It helps us to play free, confident and release
ourselves from competing. It diminishes the fear because we can believe that
winning the day is within our power.”
This win the day concept does not guarantee victory on the scoreboard
but it does assure that you’ll give your all and get the most out of yourself. It
helps a team to connect. It is manageable, measurable, and controllable.
Here is a story about a high school girl’s soccer team who learned how to
win the day from their coach, Sean Stedeford, who was being trained by me
during the season. He sent me this precious email:

I am so excited to tell you about our latest game! The result speaks
volumes about our group; but it is not the result that inspired me.

Last Friday we were sent to play Grandview HS. This is a true David vs.
Goliath matchup. To paint the picture for you, Grandview has 3,200
students, are currently ranked #7 in the nation, ranked #1 in 5A “big
schools,” undefeated season and were the highest ranked team in all
 classifications in Colorado. Colorado Academy has 400 students, are
currently ranked #2 in 3A and are not nationally ranked. The day before,
we told them they were going to have to fight for everything in the game.
They had to be disciplined, committed and accountable to one another. We
knew our “soccer” was good enough, but it was our athleticism that was
our disadvantage. Grandview were bigger, stronger, faster, etc…I am
willing to bet the majority of folks thought we would lose 7-1. When the
whistle blew, none of it mattered!

I have never seen my group play like they did. There was purpose to
everything they did. They showed caring and stayed connected. How they
passed, how they communicated, how they tackled and the most
impressive thing we saw was how they played for one another. They were
committed to being connected and a good teammate for the person to their
left, right and behind! For the first time this season, the girls all felt what it
was like to pull in the same direction and as the game went on, their
confidence began so soar! Grandview got a goal with 3 min. left in the
first half but it didn’t matter. The girls were excited at halftime and
motivated to get back out on the field. We eventually tied the game at 1-1
off of a corner kick and you could feel the momentum begin to change.
Grandview was getting frustrated and angry, our girls continued to grow
and fight. Soon we were on the front foot and had opportunities to go
ahead in the game. Second half ended 1-1.

Into overtime we went. Here we were at 1-1 with the #7 team in the
nation! Tiny little CA was showing the soccer world what we are about!
Our team culture and family mentality were on full display. In the dying
moments of the game, it appeared we were about to give the game away
and our goal keeper made one of the most spectacular saves I’ve ever seen
to keep Grandview out of the goal. Second overtime ended 1-1 and our
girls stormed the field like they had just won the state championship. It
meant so much to them. I can’t put it into words! They played like
warriors. What a moment! We definitely “Won the Day.” We saw a
championship caliber team on the field and on the bench. Everyone
contributed.

IMPLEMENTATION:

As Steve Kerr mentioned in his opening quote, I will now help you to
implement the principles of how you and your team can begin to win the
day. I’ll remind you that everyone of my 115 championship teams had total
“buy-in” to this dynamic process on their path of success.
When I’m asked to help build a championship culture, there are two
agreements that must be established up front. First, the process is not a “fix-
it” job, but rather a positive, forward-building and creating of a culture.
Second, I make it clear that the process is ongoing, a never-ending journey
of continual development of a highly functional group, clan, team, tribe,
family. All worthwhile things take time. It could take from two to four years
for the transition to occur. However, change is felt immediately. Results of
intervention are palpable. Resistance is often felt but that melts away when
the benefits of winning the day take hold, such as feeling valued, important,
respected, being cooperative, connected, and selfless.
Right at the outset, you and your team must determine the GOAL for
the season. This covers a range from being league contenders, to win more
games than last season, to win the national championship…or any goal that
will be satisfying and feel successful if achieved. Yes, these are usually
outcome goals and serve as guides along the path to keep everyone on track.
Think of a lighthouse in the distance that helps direct you to your desired
destination. Goals are items that are challenging and attainable yet not
controllable.
Next, we leave that goal for now and focus on a MISSION, an item
that is challenging, attainable yet can be controlled. The mission is a day-to-
day process oriented objective that, when executed consistently, keeps you
constantly moving towards your GOAL. For my cultures, that mission is
always the same regardless of the goal and that is: win the day, every day in
all aspects of your life. I tell them: IT’S A CHOICE! You can do it!
To show up and win the day I suggest that the team, coaches plus
athletes, sit in their circle (see next section on Sacred Circle) and develop a
list of PROMISES that are a reflection of the culture as well as specific
strategies that help you “compete like crazy with your hair on fire.” My
teams actually use this affirmation to keep on task with our mission.
I emphasize the importance of promising to adhere to the rules of our
cultures. When a team buys-in the result is beautiful, a work of art. The most
recent example of going along with this notion of promises this was with the
2017 Women’s Lacrosse team at the US Naval Academy. Unranked in the
top 20 nationally, they managed to stay connected and make it all the way to
the final four, only to be defeated by one goal in the semi-finals. On the way
there, they beat three top ten teams in the tournament including a stellar
victory over #2 North Carolina on the Tarheels home field. According to
their Hall of Fame coach, Cindy Timchal, the midshipmen were able to
accomplish this enormous feat because the athletes strongly stayed
connected and showed up and promised to win the day every day. Cindy and
I had them make these promises we called Never-Never Land.

1. Never give up, never, regardless of the score, the crowd, the opponent.
 2. Never lose confidence by focusing on outcomes. Focus instead on the
controllables. They give you confidence.
3. Never let an opponent defeat your spirit, identity, or culture.
4. Never be afraid of errors, mistakes, losing. They’re our greatest
teachers.
5. Never try to go BIG…just execute all the little things over and over.
6. Never fail to respond immediately after a mistake: Instant Positive
Response.
7. Never whine or create drama unnessarily.

They continue to win the day by being the toughest, hardest working,
tenacious, fearless team on the planet. They compete like crazy with their
hair on fire.
PROMISES such as these, in a win the day culture, are written down
and discussed frequently. They are meant to be kept and they become
convenient, pertinent, specific coaching points during practices and games.
You can even have the athletes write on a large index card (you can laminate
these) the following: I (fill in the name), promise to uphold with great
integrity, the following promises that define who we are, why we compete
and what our cultural identity is all about and sign the statement as a signal
of commitment. Here are examples of some other non-technical, character
promises used with my teams over the years. Ask your team to identify
theirs and/or use the following:

I PROMISE TO:

1. Be selfless and give to my team for a cause bigger than any one of us.
2. Respond instantly after I make a mistake.
3. Be the hardest worker I can be.
4. Be a positive influence on my team and coaching staff.
5. Help my teammates feel valued, important, relevant and respected.
6. Give one positive comment to one person, on day at a time
7. Compete with and challenge my teammates in practice because I love
them.
8. Respect my opponent, the fans, the officials and the game.

Here is a list of promises I collected from the Boulder High School boys’
soccer team who have won 2 state championships and currently ranked
number one this year using these as a way for them to win the day. Their
culture is called La Familia, the family. I love their reference to an imaginary
“multiverse.”

1. This season we are the most academically eligible student-athletes in

the multiverse.
2. This season we are the most focused student-athletes in the
multiverse.
3. This season we are the hardest working student-athletes in the
multiverse.
4. This season we have the most chemistry of any team in the
multiverse.
5. This season we respect each other, the opponent, the program and our
school.
6. This season we have more love for each other than any team in the
multiverse.
7. This season we are the happiest team in the multiverse.
8. This season we are the most prepared of any team in the multiverse.
9. This season we are the most persistent of any team in the multiverse.
10. This season we have the most dedicated of any team in the multiverse.
11. This season we are selfless to each other & our program more than
any team in the multiverse.

Aside from these profound promises, we can also choose to win the
day by executing what we can control tactically. Teams can promise to do
certain things from a technical stand point. I help teams to decide what those
items may be. They differ depending upon the sport and position a player
holds on that team.
Once again, we use the circle as a sacred signal and symbol to begin
this exercise. Divide the team into smaller circles, when appropriate
(individual sports need no division) making the groups by position. Ask
them to identify specific, crucial, relevant technical strategies and tasks that
are controllable, such as for basketball, diving for the 50/50 ball. Each group
is encouraged to identify 5-10 items. Then, come back into the main circle
and discuss openly to make sure nothing of importance has been left out.
Coaches can really give valuable input here but first let the team do the
“heavy lifting” because when they identify something, it comes from them
and commitment and buy-in are stronger.
Once lists are formed, they become a natural extension of the
PROMISES to keep. I then ask my teams to combine all of their wisdom
arrived at together with our cultural norms, our identity that no one at any
time can prevent us from the choice of executing them wholeheartedly. Later
on in the book, we will be addressing the culture core values. A formula for a
successful culture looks like this:
Character Promises + Technical Promises + Core Values = Win the Day,
Competitive Champion Culture. And, it’s all a CHOICE, items you can
control. The execution of these promises and values is called COMPETING.
My teams can then affirm: When we compete, we’re difficult to beat; we
compete like crazy with our hair on fire.
What if I told you – do all the above and I promise you’ll win a
championship? How many of you would do it? Well, I can’t promise or
guarantee you this outcome. But I can promise you this: if you do all of this,
you will experience one of your greatest sports seasons of your life and have
more fun than ever before. It is a CHOICE!
Let’s now segue into the importance and value of our cultural signal
and symbol, the sacred CIRCLE of a champion culture.
 SACRED CIRCLE: SIGNAL AND SYMBOL

In the circle of life, we are all connected. It’s designed to create unity. We are
all equal in the circle. We are all one, related. The power of the world
always works in circles.”
Oglala Lakota Nation

Every one of my 115 championship cultures win the day by

connecting in a circle. This gesture aligns them with our core values, our
mission, our goals and our “WHY”…why we come together and play the
game. It is a signal for everyone to connect and announces that we are ready
to begin our work. It’s a signal to remind us that we are here for each other
to win the day and begin the work we promised to complete.
The circle has been used also as a sacred symbol for thousands of
years by various ancient cultures such as Celtic, Taoist, Buddhist and Native
American tradition. For the American Indian, the circle is the symbol of
Mother Earth in complete balance with no beginning and no end. They have
referred to it as the “Sacred Hoop.” Chief Black Elk, Lakota warrior and
visionary, reminds us how all the power of the world forms the shape of a
circle. The Lakota nation gathered in circular formations because the circle
was a symbol of connection and harmony in the universe.
I believe that this sacred symbol is perhaps more relevant and
profound today than ever. For my work, it is emblematic of the connection,
caring and core values of the cultures I help create with athletic teams. All of
my teams use the CIRCLE as a reference point and reminder of who we are,
what we do and most importantly why we do it. The significance of the
circle is particularly germane to sports when you think about it. All balls are
round; a home run is referred to as a round tripper – you round the bases;
you play a round of golf placing the ball in a round circular hole; basketball
is often called a game of hoops or round ball; you circle the bases in
baseball; the circle appears in center court and on the midfield line; defenses
and offenses mimic circular patterns. The examples are extensive.
I introduce my teams from the very beginning to the power of the
circle and ask them to conduct their practices and games from that sacred
space and go outward from there. When we assemble in the circle for the
first time, I quickly remind them of its significance for our culture, what I
want them to take from it and apply to our team’s journey. Here is what I
talk about with them and I encourage you to do the same when introducing
this cultural iconic symbol to your team. Get the team into a closed circle
and say:

 As we stand in this circle notice how we stand together, side by side,

unified as one, connected and cohesive.
 Notice that the circle represents the universal, divine mystical journey
with no ending.
 The center of the circle is an empty space. Let it be a reminder of how
we keep our minds empty, full of potential, ready to fill it with all that
we need to know as we go forward open and receptive to new
possibilities. In Japanese, this “negative space” is called Ma,
reminding us to step back and see with a whole perspective. It is the
concept of less is more.
 The shape of the circle is the letter “O” which stands for our
ONENESS of heart, oneness of soul, one mission, one goal. Feel
connected with our hearts.
 The shape allows us to see each other, eye to eye, the eyes being the
windows to the soul, communicating non-verbally our readiness to
serve one another and go to battle for something bigger than each
other.
 Notice how we are all equal…no one in front of you, no one in back,
no one above you, no one below. We are equal yet diverse, whole and
inclusive, connected and strong.
 We are a protected boundary, not to be penetrated by the opponent or
unwelcomed.
 With your eyes closed, feel the energy and strength of our group.
Remember your promises, to out and Win the Day.

At first, you may have to read this to the group until memorized.
Either way the power of the circle is felt by all. Every time the team enters
the circle – before the start of practice, prior to a game, team locker room
meetings, bonding and team building exercises, the athletes can feel such
power. I always use the circle as the starting point of any team activity which
signals…we are ready to begin.
IMPLEMENTATION:

I also use the circle to create deeper connection, caring and unity. For
example, here is a team bonding exercise that uses the circle. I call it the
“Sharing Circle.” Holding a ball or other object of the game like a stick, bat
or racquet, pass it clockwise around the circle. Only those who hold the
object can speak. If one chooses to not talk, the object simply gets passed
forward. What’s said in the circle remains in the circle. Athletes are directed
to share thoughts on important topics – how you feel about the culture, self,
opportunity, the benefits of being in the group – thoughts that are a positive
reflection of the awesome culture. Each person who speaks takes 2-3
minutes to do so.
Using the same format, you can run what I call the circle of
affirmation. The person holding the object says positive, affirmative
statements about how he or she feels about the next in line as a person, an
athlete and teammate. Again, speakers get 1-2 minutes and in this exercise,
all must speak.
Both of these exercises – you can be creative and make up your own –
develop a group imperative, being present and mindful together. It creates a
warm safe place conducive to building connection. It changes any negativity
to positive chi as you reconnect from the heart, come close in friendships
and more aware of the power of your influence in the win the day culture.
I leave this section with one of my favorite quotes pointing to the
global relevancy of this sacred symbol of our cultures:

Everything an Indian does is in a circle, and that is because

the power of the World always works in circles, and everything
tried to be round…The sky is round and I have heard the earth
is round like a ball, and so are all the stars. The wind in its
greatest power whirls, birds make their nest in circles, for
theirs is the same religion as ours. The sun comes forth and
goes down again in a circle. The moon does the same and both
are round. Even the seasons form a circle in their changing,
and always come back again to where they were. Out teepees
were round like the nests of birds. And they were always set in
a circle, the nation’s hoop”
Chief Black Elk
 THE NEW NORMAL

We purposely move outside our comfort zone, we think outside the box
into areas that are unknown and frightening, and this has become our
new normal.
Coach Bob Hansen, Middlebury College Men’s Tennis National Champions

I love this quote. Much of what I do is outside of the box and my

comfort zone, which I like. That’s what my brand WAY OF CHAMPIONS is
all about. So you can see from the book you’re holding that most of my
work is unconventional; I’m not your typical sports psychologist. In fact
only 15% of my work could be called sports psychology. I’m not as
interested in fixing problems as much as I am in creating new normals:
progressive cultures based on the 115 championship cultures I’ve helped to
build throughout a long, fun-filled career. I’m interested in profound change
– more of the emotional spiritual type. I weave a quilt of various cultures
from Taoist, Buddhist and Native American cultures together with Western
psychology in order to win the day. I am regarded nation-wide as a sports
philo-psychological coach, using philosophy and spirituality to construct
championship teams in athletics and life. The following are my win the day
“new normal” strategies to help you and your athletes to stay focused,
mindful and present. Here are some of them:

IMPLEMENTATION:

1. INVESTMENT SEASON: Most athletic teams in the sports world

have what they call an “off season”…that’s normal. My teams, and
now yours, do not have such a season. In the spirit of Native
American Tradition, we have as our new normal, the family
“investment season,” based on a selfless, giving mode. Working
together for something bigger than any one of us. Here’s how I
implement this season with my teams. Let’s use lacrosse as an
example. When “Fall Ball” is over around November 15th, the athletes
typically have approximately two months “off” during the holidays
and when they return, have lost the big edge they built up with hard
work all Fall.
 What I do for my athletes is invite them to INVEST in their team so
that they can collect dividends down the road. I appeal to them
through one of our core values (Selflessness – see Part IV) by asking
them to find ways to give, through work, to their teams. Here is how it
unfolds:

a. How do you specifically want to be physically and mentally when

we begin our season in 2 months?
b. What specifically do you need to do to make that happen? Their
list can include items like go to the gym, practice stick skills, play
wall ball, do cardio workouts.
c. Then I say, from your long list, choose 4 items that you’d be
willing to commit to so you raise your level, come back fit and do
this as a way to GIVE to your team, one truly fit teammate, in
shape, ready to charge on the first day back. Do this as a way to
demonstrate the value of Selflessness. Tell them how this is The
Investment Season, our new normal.
d. Encourage them to form convenient small groups to keep each
other motivated and focused. They can do group texts to keep
checking progress.

2. HEART FROM THE START: Here is a new normal idea that I know
you’ll want to implement immediately. It is called “Heart from the
Start.” It’s a simple concept based in mindfulness. How many times
have you experienced your team, in practice or a game, come to the
field and have a sluggish start? They sit back and wait to see what
develops so they can go with the flow. Before they realize it, they
have fallen behind and struggle to get back into the event. Admittedly,
there are certain times when it might be a good strategy to go with the
flow, but I believe that most of you reading this are thinking, “I want
us to BE THE FLOW. If that is your goal, then your culture can
establish your new normal called “Heart from the Start.” Being
mindful of this phrase and attaching a specific action plan that
describes what this looks like, what it means specifically to begin the
game in this way, you can practice it daily and when the time comes,
the execution is a precise replication of that action plan. The phrase
“Heart from the Start” becomes the affirmation mantra that will “jump
start” our competitive juices as you compete with your hair on fire.
Remember, for this to work well, you must identify specific behaviors
 or actions you wish to execute and practice that on a regular basis.
Coming out on fire in the first five minutes of a game sends a
convincing message to opponents that your mean business.

3. INSTANT POSITIVE RESPONSE – IPR: Once again, in traditional

cultures, the athletes’ response to a mistake, a miscue or error is to
drop the head and shoulders, feeling sorry for themselves and
embarrassed because they believe they let the team down. During the
time it takes to grieve the error, the opponent scores in offensive
transition or establishes an advantageous position on the field. As a
result, two mistakes are made at the same time: the original error, plus
the mistake of not responding properly. Because of the frequency of
such an occurrence, I developed the concept of IPR, instant positive
response My teams practice this new normal daily and when an error
occurs, they communicate loudly on the field “IPR, IPR” to get that
athlete who committed the mistake back into the hurried flow of the
next play. Being mindful of this idea actually helps to commit fewer
errors. But as we know, there are two types of athletes – those who
make mistakes…and those who will.

4. THREE TALENTS: If you are creating a win the day culture, you and
your athletes must agree that there are three talents in our system. The
first one is obvious and most teams you play will have this. It’s called
PHYSICAL TALENT. You can work with athletes on improving this
talent yet for the most part, maturation and time helps to develop this
if you’re a good teacher. The second talent is MENTAL TALENT or
mentality. Not every team is mentally talented but more and more, to
train this aspect of performance, we see sports psychologists being
hired on all levels of performance up to and including the pros. You
even see this with kids as young as five or six in sports like
gymnastics, tennis and golf. There’s so much room for development
with this talent and it’s growing rapidly. The third talent is one I call
SPIRITUAL TALENT. Very few teams are working on this aspect of
performance and perhaps it is one of the most important pieces in
championship cultures that I help to develop. Few people know how
to strengthen this talent. My brand, WAY OF CHAMPIONS,
specializes in this crucial aspect of championship performance. By
Spiritual Talent, I’m not talking about religion. It relates to the
 specific “heart” directed character traits such as courage, commitment,
patience, perseverance, tenacity, fearlessness, accountability, integrity,
vulnerability and resilience, to name a few. The good news is these
can be learned and therefore, taught. And this is what this book WIN
THE DAY is all about. You’ll find all of these and more in Parts III
and IV.

As you peruse this book, you will discover many more ways that I
create outside the box, unconventional, new normal sports cultures.

5. COMPASSIONATE WARRIORS: Here is the fifth element of the

new normal. As you get more familiar with the win the day cultural
tenets, and the undergirding philosophy and foundation of my WAY
OF CHAMPIONS brand, I can tell you that they have their roots in the
ancient Tibet legendary kingdom of Shambhala, located high in the
Himalayas. It was a culture of enlightened warriors, valiant fighters of
indomitable spirit. They were considered fearless, tenacious athletes
of iron will. They were armed with weapons of the heart such as
courage, integrity and fortitude. (If not already, this will begin to
sound familiar as you read on.) They perceived loss, obstacles and
failure as opportunities to learn, grow and become more aware. These
warriors sacrificed for others, worked hard when no one was looking,
remained accountable and did not need to win to be successful.
Opponents were partners. You became comfortable with being
uncomfortable. You enjoyed the journey, willing to suffer, sacrifice
and even fail if that’s what it would take.

So, as you might imagine, Warriorship is a rigorous spiritual training that

awakens all who take the journey to higher levels of personal performance.
It relies on this ancient tradition while providing a valuable modern
application of such training for athletics, fitness, and present-day life. In the
words of the Chinese sage Lao Tzu, “Keep the ancient, flow with the
present.” You need to know this: the Warriorship Way is a never-ending
journey; mastering it simply means staying on track. This book is meant to
help you to do just that, to keep you on this path, to continually win the day.
 DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY

In order to be happy in life, you need to have something to do, someone to

love, something to believe in and something to look forward to.
Coach Lou Holtz

The wisdom of each of this quote is its relevance to great cultures in

sports who win the day by focusing on these four elements. Happiness is
something that can be consistently controlled. It is about taking firm,
deliberate, intentional ACTION to mindfully LET GO of those negative
emotional weather patterns that detract from a well connected, caring,
healthy culture. Successful sports cultures have important things to do,
nurtures love through hard work, belief in themselves, and look forward to
the opportunities for growth and expansion. Solid relationships developed in
champion cultures contribute to happiness.
What I have observed over several decades of team work is how all
those champion Hall of Fame coaches emphasize joy and happiness
throughout their win the day cultures. Coach John Wooden taught happiness
during his champion run. He would tell the athletes how happiness is being
at peace with yourself knowing that you are making the effort, the full effort
to do what is right.
For coaches like Bob Hansen at Middlebury and Cindy Timchal at
NAVY, joy and happiness are an integral aspect of their multiple
championship cultures. Both coaches actively encourage happiness daily by
creating fun in the execution of a well designed practice and game plan.
Laughter is a method used to relieve stress and fear as well as not taking
yourself too seriously. In their cultures, there is the joy and happiness of a
challenging, hard working, demanding practice and they celebrate their
efforts at the completion of their diligent efforts. Silly mistakes made by all
become an excuse to happily bond, embracing their human tendencies.
Cindy actually sent me a text today telling me that “my happiest athletes are
the most productive and being productive reinforces their happiness.”
What I notice about champion cultures and athletes is how often they
seem happy. Of course it makes me wonder if they are happy because they
are champions; or are they champions because they are happy. I think both
are true but because happiness is a habit that is controlled by your daily
actions, the mind-set of a champion, win the day athlete and team is one
where their actions create their emotional state. It’s a CHOICE they make.
It’s a characteristic of a champion mentality.
They feel happy day to day, generally, and that helps them to be
connected and carries over to their performance. Win or lose, they still tend
to be happy. And when you are happy, don’t you usually perform your best?
OK, you may not always perform your best when happy but to perform well
you must be happy.

IMPLEMENTATION:

In champion team cultures that I’ve experienced, I actually coach the

coaches and their athletes on how to find happiness. I encourage, inspire and
empower them to be happy and by doing so, win the day. To accomplish this
we commit to giving up or letting go of the following emotional vampires,
habits that block our path to happiness. I invite you to GIVE UP:

1. Always having to be right. Ask yourself: would you rather be happy

or right?
2. Trying to control everything. This reduces stress and creates a more
relaxed state of being.
3. Blaming and pointing fingers at others. This creates unnecessary
drama.
4. Negative self-talk. Negativity weakens your body and dampens your
spirit.
5. Complaining or whining when life doesn’t go your way.
6. Expectations of others and self-pressure.
7. Excuses – be accountable, responsible, and vulnerable.
8. Limiting beliefs. Beliefs are limits that can be transcended when
examined.
9. Fear of failure, our greatest teacher. Fear weakens you. it’s the greatest
obstacle to performance.
10. Resisting change. Change is constant.

These elements, when changed, will impact everything else during

your day in a positive way as you continue to control what you can to win
the day. Imagine for a moment, how your life would be, how you’d perform
if your culture were filled with others committed to letting go of the above
top 10 road blocks to happiness. It’s a CHOICE! Make it part of your
culture’s promises and keep each other accountable. Make posters and signs
about each of these and display them throughout the athletic facility.
 Happiness is healthy for all of us. It can cure illness and extend life
and raise the level of performance. It relieves depression, anxiety and stress.
It relaxes all of the body’s muscles, providing an overall sense of wellness.
All of this directly contributes to a solid culture of high performance.
Remember that you can create it at any time. Choose to look on the bright
side of things and let go of those 10 emotional vampires above.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.

Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk
 TEAM CULTURE MAGIC

The strength of the team is each individual member.

The strength of each member is the team.
Coach Phil Jackson

The magic of the power of a harmonious group is an important feature

that has made THE ART OF WAR one of the most widely read books among
generals, corporate CEOs, and athletic coaches throughout the world. The
Chinese book of change, the I CHING, teaches that the human spirit is
nourished by a sense of connectedness and unity. As coach Jackson says in
the above quote, each member is strengthened by a well-connected,
cohesive, unified team. When you experience this, magic happens.
When I work with teams that demonstrate connectedness and
harmony it is pure magic. I notice something special about them…how they
walk, talk, run, play. It’s different in a special way. The following passage
describes my experience after being with such a team during an action-
packed, intense final-four weekend. I gave each member a copy, and I want
you to have a sense about their dance, their way, one that mesmerized all
who came to watch. I wish we all could experience the magic of such a
team:

In my view, the athletes who play on this team do so because

there is a magic to it, one that is hard to find in life. Partly, this
magic resides in the physical sensation and pleasure of
catching a ball on the run, sprinting to the goal for a score.
Part of the magic is in the psychological realm where we feel
the trust, security, and confidence from being together all
season. And in the spiritual domain, it is the safe, comfortable
place created to help us take risks and look foolish or fail, so
necessary to discover what we are made of, the juice of life, a
way of being, not only on the field, court, arena, but in the
larger game of life. There is not only the relationship with team,
coach, self, but our relationship to the stick, the ball…all an
extension of our hearts, our souls, an expression of who we are.
There is also an aesthetic component of the team, one that
demonstrates the absolutely most beautiful way of playing and
 competing. Just as ballet is the most beautiful way of moving
the body between two points, our team is to your sport as ballet
is to walking. It is the magical ultimate win the day experience
incorporating body, mind and spirit. So many other teams wish
they could dance like you rather than experience a dance form
more rigid, forceful, less fluid, and contrived. These are forms
without soul, without heart, without courage. When they see
you, they discover a more disciplined, beautiful, flowing way,
free of fear, filled with compassion, all of which fills the void,
the holes in the soul. They crave your dance and are not sure
what it is or how you’re being. They just know they are tired of
being the wallflowers in the big dance. they want a piece of the
magic you own, yet, until they let go of the need to fight you,
beat you, destroy you and simply play the game or dance the
dance, the magic will be forever elusive.

They won the national championship, but more importantly, they won
the day as well as the hearts of all who came to experience their
demonstration of passion and love for each other and for the game. They
were being champions even before the outcome was decided. The next year,
at the final four, the team t-shirts read: DANCE ON. They did and won, once
again.
Magic happens when you remember to remain connected to your love
and passion for the game and each other and become so much more. In what
ways is your team culture magical? Notice what happens when you embrace
the win the day philosophy.
 LA FAMILIA CULTURA

We are La Familia and we compete with love, connection, caring and a

strong work ethic. When we do we win the day.
Coach Hardy Kalisher, Boys Soccer, Boulder High School

I love the lyrics from the 1960’s hit song (sung by Dionne Warwick)
“What the world needs now is love, sweet love.” I thought about it the
moment I read this letter from a coach to his team, the athletes’ parents and
community. Hardy Kalisher, head coach of the Colorado State Champion
Boulder High boys’ soccer team, sent it to me knowing about my love for
team culture work in sports and life. Hardy’s team philosophy is a strong
commentary on recapturing ethical, spiritual guidance now, more than ever.
La Familia, the family, is the essence of how to make our athletic
environment a better place to be through caring and connection. As a culture,
they have openly adopted my win the day philosophy and use this active
mantra prior to practice and each game: Win the Day is How We Play.

Here is Coach Kalisher writing to me:

Dear Dr. Lynch,

Below is a letter I recently sent to my players and
families at the end of our fall season. We were upset, as the
defending State Champions, in the 2nd round of the State
playoffs after being ranked #3 in the nation. My goal was to
give some perspective and continue to make it a learning and
growing experience.

“At the end of 80 minutes the Effort of the La Familia

(Boulder High Soccer’s nickname for our team culture) was
never questioned. The Boulder High School Boys Soccer
student-athletes had made a promise to each other several
months earlier and they kept that promise. They trusted each
other and they played for each other. That’s been their
motivation all season and for the seniors, over the past four
years. To play for as long as they can because this is where they
want to be – with each other. It was never about the ring, the
ranking, the wins, the rivalries…it was about the journey of
becoming young men who have learned how to be fully present
in this moment of time. A moment in time. It’s about being fully
alive in our joy and our pain. We are fortunate to be in the
position to experience both.
These are essential and important years for teenagers as
they become young men. As coaches and players we have a
great responsibility to each other. As a team with 19 seniors it
truly has been a four year process of becoming young men.
Young men who are ready to model for their friends, peers and
families, how to be men who have earned confidence through
integrity, compassion, honesty, empathy, vulnerability and self-
less effort. Young men who have experienced the
transformational power of being in a community based on love
and brotherhood.
It takes courage for a teenage boy to step into that arena.
It takes courage for anyone. It takes courage to step into that
arena and look at your peers and tell them, “I love you and I’ll
give you all I have so that you can thrive! I am committed to
our culture and values and I will transform into the best version
of myself…for you.”
That’s why La Familia is always a team of overachievers.
Because, over their four year journey, they achieved what they
never knew they could.
We didn’t win every game. But these Panthers are perfect
in every way. They never lost the motivation or connection to
WHY we play the WAY we play. It’s so much more than soccer.
What is our Why? Our why is La Familia. It’s the boys
becoming brothers and brothers becoming the kind of young
men you would want your sons and daughters to call friends,
colleagues and family. It’s about making our community a
better place, so that the world is a better place. It may start
with a soccer ball, but our Why continues on regardless of what
goal the ball ends up in.
When the 2017 Panthers left the field last night it was a
sad locker room, maybe the saddest I’ve seen in 42 years of
soccer and I’ve lost plenty of big games. Sad not because of the
game but because of the end of the team’s season. No more
practice. No more locker room. No more runs together over the
wooden bridge to Recht Field. But after 90 minutes of sharing
stories of joy, admiration and giving gratitude in the locker
room, our locker room, these young men stepped out the door
with hearts full of love. Love for each other and gratitude for
the journey – their process of becoming the best versions of
themselves. There is no there, there in La Familia because it
does not stop. We set the goals but we celebrate Who we
become.
Losing games is as important as winning. The season
coming to an end is part of the process. Losing at home in the
playoffs hurts that much more, but turning the loss into the
seeds of real growth is why these young men are and will
always be Champions. This team is not and never was going to
be defined by one win or one loss. The legacy of La Familia will
continue to grow because of them. The next wave of Panthers is
ready.
To see young men, just boys a few months ago, look each
other in the eyes and call their teammates their heroes, their
role models, and their inspirations gives me belief in our
collective future as humanity. Not hope but honest belief.
The world needs more love and these young men are
ready. To see our youngest student-athletes in the locker room
make promises to keep the legacy alive makes me proud that the
Culture of La Familia will continue. To see my assistant
coaching staff share their pride, thanks and love for the time
they have with these young men reminds me, again, that these
are the coaches that we want our teenagers to play under. To
see the thanks, trust and love the parents and families give back
in support of La Familia makes us proud to be your son’s
coaches.
To see the support pour in from the community of
students, administrators, teachers, coaches, alumni and well
beyond the school campus reinforces and validates that we have
something special here. To see my former players being the
coaches and mentors to these teenagers makes me proud.
There is no there, there…we are here. We are La Familia
and we play with Love, Connection, Caring and Effort. We
focus on how to win the day.

- Coach Hardy Kalisher”

 I include this beautiful statement here because I believe it represents
the summation of all that I write about in this book. I was completely in awe
when I read it. A week after I received this heart-felt narrative about his
championship culture, we talked on the phone to discuss his work that is
having an impact on other athletic programs in the Boulder County area,
helping young coaches to create and sustain similar championship cultures.
He is being actively recruited to share his cultural core values by speaking
with many athletic programs. He is an extraordinary coach who really
understands how it’s all about winning the relationship game. In our phone
conversation, Hardy seemed open, genuine, authentic and vulnerable: all the
essential traits coaches need to connect and sustain strong relationship with
the athletes. In his own words, “I tell them that I love them.”
Several months after meeting Hardy, I was able to meet and talk with
his team prior to an important game during their season. It confirmed for me
all that the coach had written about in that first email he sent to me. The
following is his analysis of that game I witnessed. This gave me a first-hand
connection to the team in action coupled with coach Hardy’s profoundly
deep work in the development of such a strong culture:

Tonight, I was so proud of how the boys worked through

the high pressure of the opposing team’s effort. We need those
challenges. I was especially proud to see young Jesse carry his
inspiration from Tuesday night’s conversation with the two of us
into his pregame locker room talk. He nailed it when he
communicated his interpretation of your insights and wisdom
back to his teammates. He asked to talk to them and I was
proud of him. And then his great effort and composure resulted
in his first 3-goal game ever. That doesn’t happen for him
without his new focus on winning the day. Jesse really stepped
up tonight as the “on the field leader” when Omar, who
typically has that role, was feeling sick.
Only a week ago we weren’t fully confident that Jesse
would be a starter on the team! He knew it and it was a
challenge and opportunity that I think we both were committed
to work through. I believe Jesse really had a transformational
breakthrough in his leadership and spirit which elevated the
way he played. I’ve seen it in past seasons with other players
and it really is a joy to witness. I thank you for being his spark
on Tuesday night. We were both looking for that magic spark
moment to happen. And then to see it actualized as he
competed, what a gift! Thank you!
What I was most proud of at the end of the game, and
what I told the boys after the game, was how a few boys who
usually don’t receive very much playing time, brought the
tremendous effort to the second half of the game, especially the
last 25 minutes and how they helped reinforce the power of our
WHY.
One of the things I personally took away from this week,
and, I thank you for the lesson, is the reminder to see my team.
By that I mean to really look them in the eyes with love and see
each of them one at a time; to thank and acknowledge each of
them, my assistant coaches and support staff. This requires that
I be vulnerable enough to allow myself to see each of them as
individuals. That effort takes only a few moments and is
essential! To have a deeper connection requires that I allow
them to see me, which in turn creates a moment where they can
see themselves being seen. They see their own humanity. If that
makes sense? When they are seen with love, they feel safe and
appreciated as “a human being and not as a human doer.”
I am fully aware, as coach, that I’m modeling for them
how they can see each other as authentic, confident and
compassionate young men. A model young men need in this day
and age. That is the goal. To create a culture where they can
truly see each other. That they can be vulnerable and open to
exchanging gratitude and love like they exchange passing the
ball on the field. The ball is really a metaphor. The ball is
round. It wants to be passed and exchanged amongst the
teammates. It’s in the ball’s nature to be shared. It’s the same
with the spirit of this soccer program. Pass the love and
exchange the spirit and energy. It’s actually in our human
nature. All we have to do is allow ourselves to be free. That’s
what creates the spirit of La Familia or what we called tonight
in our pregame talk, “the special sparkle in the eyes.” And that
is real strength and empowerment. Yes, it takes courage, but
courage comes easier when you feel safe. I am grateful for the
honor it is to be with these boys. I know it’s only a moment in
time and our time is limited. Thank you for the reminder to be
fully present in seeing each of them. This connection and how
 the boys feel is all that actually matters. It’s my Why. I’ve
coaches and played in enough games and won enough
championships to know that they fade into distant memories.
But the Why is what really makes me and the layers feel
fulfilled. Yes, the wins will take care of themselves and the
losses are great lessons but it’s that love that keeps us all
coming back to La Familia.

Coming full circle from the introduction of this book where I talk
about my “WHY”, here we have a culture with Hardy set up to make a
difference, change the status quo and hopefully convince his athletes to
believe that the La Familia culture and their lives can be something other
than ordinary.
In today’s world of sports, coaching and performance, teams crave a
model of diversity, connection, authenticity and love, using core values that
drive and sustain winning. It’s what we need now. Let’s make proactive
change by educating others on how to use the timeless core values put forth
in this book which will provide a strong ethical and spiritual compass for
your personal culture. I suggest using La Familia as your guide on this
magical journey. When we care and connect using the core values, strategies,
tools and methods discussed and demonstrated in this book, we truly WIN
THE DAY.
 PART II

LEADING WITH CARE: Win the Day Coaching

Every member of your team loves to feel wanted and appreciated. If

they are on the team you must find a way to make them feel important and
valued.
Coach Ron Dubois, Men’s Basketball, UCSC
 I choose to begin Part II of our win the day journey with a recent
interview I was honored and privileged to have with iconic head coach Pete
Carroll of the NFL champion Seattle Seahawks. Knowing he was a
proponent of the win the day philosophy of coaching, you can imagine how
excited I was to ask him a series of questions that would illuminate the
secrets of the Seahawks culture. The meeting was awesome. While he
generously answered every question I threw his way with contemplative,
thoughtful wisdom, the biggest, unexpected takeaway for me was how his
authentic, genuine and humble strong self came through. In the first thirty
seconds of our connection, I mentioned how honored I was to receive his
wisdom to which he humbly replied: “Then this will be a quick two minute
conversation.” As the conversation progressed, it became obvious that his
love, kindness and conviction were a perfect balance between soft and
strong. His caring for me was palpable. I felt relevant, important, valued,
respected and empowered. Truth be known, I would have done anything he
asked even if it meant to get on all fours and cut the grass with my teeth to
smooth out the playing field. His vulnerability and listening skills drew me
into the conversation and I left feeling inspired and empowered to continue
to write this book. He won the day by demonstrating with me, all the
impeccable traits and characteristics of the extraordinary leader that he is
with his athletes. And as you saw with the Steve Kerr Foreword, Coach
Carroll’s influence is widespread and significant. He truly cares and with
that said, let’s segue into this section of the book, LEADING WITH CARE:
Win the Day Coaching.
 POWER OF INFLUENCE

The greatness of a man is not how much wealth he acquires, but in his
integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley

Perhaps the most challenging task of any coach is how to influence

those they lead in a positive, forward moving manner. It is simple yet not
easy; your influence can create or it can destroy; it can light a fire in an
athlete’s belly or it can douse the flames. Understand this: your influence is
powerful yet never neutral. I am always aware of this when I compete,
speak, teach, mentor, parent, or coach. My body language, my tone, my
expressions, my gestures, my words all have an impact on how things
transpire. So does my behavior. One of my favorite things to do when I meet
a team is to run up a hull together. By so doing, I demonstrate my
willingness to experience what they do in training. I am leading by example
using powerful influence I knowingly have. Ancient generals were
considered influential because they were willing to experience the same
heat, cold, toil, hunger, thirst and danger as their soldiers and were respected
and admired because of this influential behavior.
When I enter a room full of coaches and athletes, I walk with a
bounce, stand straight, keep my head up, look others in the eye and smile.
The message I’m sending is “things are under control, all is fine, it’s all ok.”
As a coach, the more often you become aware of the power of your
influence, the more you have a say in the outcome, the direction athletes will
go, what they do, and how they feel. It is that simple. When I am coaching
one of my teams I usually begin the sessions by inviting the athletes to
“huddle up” close, forming a tight series of concentric circles (assuming
there are 25 or so athletes on the team) around me. This communicates
togetherness, kindness, oneness, connectedness, and, most importantly, a
sense of goodness. Then I say the following: “I love being here; I love being
with you. There’s not another place I’d rather be or another group of athletes
I’d rather be with in this moment than with you.” This spoken truth is visibly
felt deeply by the entire group. They truly believe I care and I do. I often
will touch a shoulder and establish good eye contact with one person. Being
aware of this power to influence others is to win the day. The athletes love it.
We then go back to where we were, sitting, standing, milling around and I
have their full, undivided, respectful attention. By doing this, I set a positive,
heart-directed caring tone for all the good work we will then do together.

IMPLEMENTATION:

When back into our circle, I love to involve them in a powerful

influential experience with their smart phones. I ask everyone to chose
someone they deeply care about and text them a short message expressing
your care, love and how important and valued they are to you. Once
completed, I instruct them to turn off their devices for the next hour, giving
them time to receive a response. When the time is up, we go back to this
exercise, turn phones on and share the responses. Some are quite funny and
even strange but they all tell a story about the power we have to influence
others in a positive way. Sometimes tears of joy are noticeable and laughter
is hardy yet the caring and influences are remarkable. Try this with your
group, then have them communicate like this with each other, telling
someone how important and valued they are to you and the team. Something
else you can try with your team is to ask the following questions:

1. What do you need to start doing that you’re not doing in order to
demonstrate the power of your influence in a positive way?
2. What do you need to stop doing that you are doing in order to
demonstrate the power of your influence in a positive way?

The answer to these questions will provide information valuable in

helping the athletes and staff to create positive shifts in the win the day
culture. In fact, I inform the team that when we demonstrate such caring,
positive action we actually do win the day.
If he were alive today, I’m certain that Bob Marley would have said
the words in the opening quote.
 FEELINGS EQUAL FUNCTION

People will forget what you say; people will forget what you do. But…they
will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou, Author, Poet

I love to open all my talks, presentations and conferences with this

brilliant, insightful quote. I then proceed to explain how I go out of my way
to help everyone feel welcomed as they enter the venue. I also get the
audience to breathe deeply, relax and feel present. I then make sure they feel
important and valued (see the following section the River Effect.) Then I
quickly ask them if they ever do these things with their athletes and if not,
why not. The audience feels terrific, awesome, so now they see the value of
helping their athletes feel the same way. I tell them that when you feel
welcomed, present and valued, you’re performance improves so, perhaps,
these coaches may want to consider the benefits of such an approach.
Most coaches and teachers believe that what they say and do is what
really matters to others. Perhaps we all would be wiser if we focused on
caring and helping others feel awesome. And why not? Every book I’ve read
or written, every class or conference I’ve ever taken, every championship
team I’ve ever helped has taught me a life-changing truth: Feelings =
Function. How we as human beings perform is directly related to how we
feel. Think about it: The last time you felt tired, sad, depressed, distracted,
confused, upset, insecure, stressed, uncertain or miserable, how did you
perform? Think about those moments when you felt confident, energized,
focused, happy, grateful, valued, respected, relevant, relaxed and calm. No
comparison, right? Creating environments where others feel good is how to
win the day.
One of the first essential absolutes present in all championship
cultures is the emphasis on how athletes and coaches feel and care for each
other. To win the day, we must commit to helping others feel welcome, feel
present and feel cared for – caring being the single most important element
of a winning culture. And, as coaches and athletes we are able to make
others feel good. It is controllable.
IMPLEMENTATION:

How can we best demonstrate our caring for each other? It’s not about
connecting my professional coaching head to your head. It’s about
connecting my human heart to your human heart to show how much I care
for you. Let me help you to feel this.
To connect my heart to yours, I imagine that I open the little door to
my heart and become mindful of how I care for you. This “open door”
policy reminds me to be caring, genuine, authentic and vulnerable. I can then
tell you, as I did in the section on Power of Influence: “I love being with
you. There’s not another team (person) I’d rather be with than you right
now.” How does that make you feel? How do you think your athletes would
feel if they heard this? Have you ever said this to an athlete? Why not? To
not do this, there’s a chance you could lose them. To do it, you increase the
chance of getting your team to go the distance, to work harder, to be loyal,
become mentally tougher and win the day. Performance on and off the court
is all about feelings…how you feel is how you’ll perform. It’s really quite
simple. When you care for your athletes like this you are winning the day. In
the words of actor Edward Albert, “The simple act of caring is heroic.”
How you impact another as to how they feel can be determined by
what I call the R.I.V.E.R. effect. What this is and how it works allows me to
now segue into the next section called the River Effect.
 RIVER EFFECT

I want to make sure that my guys feel valued, respected, relevant and
important. When they do, magic happens and they cmopete at higher levels.
Coach Steve Kerr, Golden State Warriors

Having kindness for all others is what the RIVER EFFECT is truly
about. The R.I.V.E.R. effect is a five-letter acronym that I use consistently as
a reminder for extending kindness to all my relationships. It helps me to
connect and care more deeply. I do what I can to help others feel the letters
of river and what they represent: I want you to feel relevant, remarkable,
important, inspired, valued, validated, empowered, excited, respected, and
revered. How do you behave, act, play, work, and compete when you feel
the river consuming you? This is caring, how you can win the day for
yourself and for those you lead. When you remember the acronym
R.I.V.E.R., you can easily create amazing opportunities to inspire, empower,
validate and respect others. It becomes a mindful touchstone that, when
used, increases the chances that others will be loyal, go the distance, work
harder and be mentally strong.
Here are a few statements that you can use to win the day and coach the
RIVER EFFECT with others.

IMPLEMENTATION:

 You’re important to this team. We need your awesome efforts.

(Relevant)
 I love your work ethic. It motivates all of us. (Remarkable)
 If you keep playing like that, you’ll be one of the best I’ve ever
coached. (Inspired)
 We value your presence on this team. You bring out the best in
everyone. (Valued)
 That last week of practice was one of your best thus far. (Validated)
 I want to give you permission to keep being a great leader. (Inspired)
 When you play and compete like that, you’re being a true champion.
(Empowered)
 Without you, we wouldn’t be the great team we are. (Revered)
  I appreciate and love how much you give of yourself to your
teammates. (Important)

Using the RIVER EFFECT is easy. Simply be mindful of catching

others doing something right and call positive attention to it. Watch as others
feel significant and become open to going the distance. Author and
leadership consultant, Mark Sanborn, claims that “the first job of leadership
is to help people see their significance.” Coach Bob Hansen, NCAA tennis
coach of the decade (1990’s) has become an expert at marinating his athletes
in the RIVER. Through diligent practice, Bob doles out words that inspire
and value others on or off the court. His players love him, work extra hard
and compete like crazy for each other. Warrior head coach, Steve Kerr, uses
the RIVER concept on a daily basis and by so doing, gets the most from his
players. Pete Carroll of the Seattle Seahawks is always looking for an
opportunity to demonstrate similar caring strategies that help his athletes feel
respected and important. I told him about the RIVER acronym and he agreed
how helpful that is in bringing out the best in others. Cindy Timchal,
winningest lacrosse coach ever, men or women, has adopted and adapted the
River Effect to her coaching style. When she’s mindful of using it, she
notices that there is a major “buy in” to her systems. She bathes her athletes
in the RIVER and then notices the tsunami, how “the athletes are super
willing to put it all out on the field.”
While I didn’t realize it at the time, in retrospect, my first and only
meeting with the iconic basketball coach at the University of North Carolina,
showed me that Dean Smith was so brilliant at using the River Effect even
though he hadn’t thought about it in this way. He was the kind of leader
who, through deep, genuine caring would win the day. Following an intimate
forty-five minute meeting together, I felt so inspired, valued and important
that I committed myself to writing my book, COACHING WITH HEART.
The substance of water is used widely as a metaphor in Eastern Taoist
cultures for guiding and leading in a strong and fluid way. I often use it as a
way to describe desired motion during athletic events such as basketball,
soccer and lacrosse.
Tao is often referred to as the Watercourse Way. In fact, it refers to the
fluid flow of nature and this flow of water is often used as a principal
metaphor by Lao-Tzu and other Chinese scholars. For a Taoist, water is the
basis of all life as it nurtures and nourishes all living things. Thus the choice
I’ve made to establish the R.I.V.E.R. effect and like all water, it becomes the
bedrock of a strong culture, nurturing all those who thrive and expand in its
awesome flow.
 The word R.I.V.E.R. is not only a wise acronym for focusing on
caring for others, it is also a wonderful metaphor for how to lead and coach a
championship culture. There is a Buddhist expression that says, “From little
streams come big rivers.” The big victories and championships for coaches
are usually the outcome of having done all the little things like attention to
feelings and building healthy, functional relationships. The river is soft yet
strong; it wears away rock carving its path along the journey to the ocean as
it lights up cities. Yet it is the softest substance you can lay your hands on.
Like the river, coaches in a championship culture must be strong and
demanding, establish boundaries, set limits, create a path, and yet be kind,
respectful, affirming, loving and caring. Demanding and loving…soft and
strong…are, indeed, compatible. And, like the mighty river that gives itself
to the land and mother ocean, the greatest coaches are servants, leaders who
give and serve those to whom they are responsible.
Before we transition into the next session, THE REALTIONSHIP
GAME, I want to remind all of us leaders, coaches, mentors, parents, that
the more we make valuing others a priority, the more we help others feel
relevant, important, inspired and respected, the more abundance we all
experience, the more we win the day.
 THE RELATIONSHIP GAME

Extraordinary win the day coaching begins and ends with one word:
Relationship. It is the single most vital aspect to successful coaching. Top
coaches have figured out that the way to get ahead is not necessarily to win
games, but to win the relationship game.
Bob Hansen, Middlebury College Tennis

Most coaching education programs devote much of their time helping

students to master the technical aspects of a specific sport. Truth be known,
we are drowning in a sea of X’s and O’s information, primarily supplied
through the internet. But what really separates the good coaches from the
great ones is not a brilliant, tactical game plan, it’s the relationship game
plan.
My personal and professional relationship with iconic Hall of Fame
coaches like Dean Smith, Steve Kerr, Phil Jackson, Anson Dorrance, Cindy
Timchal and others has convinced me that while the X’s and O’s game is
important, it is the relationship game, the caring of others, that drives and
sustains success in championship team cultures. Here is what I have
discovered to be the three most highly effective powers to mastering the
relationship game in sports and life as well. As you continue to read, notice
how all three elements relate to the River Effect; the transformational
questions I present are meant to help you get started and coach to that
powerful element to win the relationship game and win the day.

IMPLEMENTATION:

1. POWER OF INFLUENCE: We have previously addressed this

powerful item and will summarize its importance here. If I am to be
effective and win the day as a coach, I must be totally aware of the
power of my influence. We can either light up our environment and
the life of another or cast it into darkness. The more mindful I am of
this, the more say I have in the outcome. I consciously send signals
like the River Effect, to build caring and connection with others.
Caring and connection are the most important elements in culture
success. I make huge efforts to send signals that I hope become part of
the oxygen. Right now, take your cell phone and send a signal to a
 friend, a short text, helping them to feel cared for, relevant, important
and how valued they are to your life and happily wait for the response.
I combine the two previous questions from the chapter on Power of
Influence to assist you with implementing your influence: What do I
need to start doing or stop doing to demonstrate my power of
influence? Think about how the River Effect can help you answer this.

2. POWER OF ENVIRONMENT: Winning the day is also about

creating mentally, emotionally and spiritually safe environments that
show caring. By safe, I mean to be free with no fear about failure,
mistakes, set-backs, loss, being ridiculed, insulted or messing up. I go
out of my way to make sure others are safe. Using small, subtle non-
verbal signals and cues, such as touching a shoulder, establishing eye
contact, thumbs up, listening, validating, being vulnerable and humble
are some of the signals I use to make environments safer and more
caring. Win the day by implementing the River Effect to help others
feel safe. When others feel important, valued and respected they feel
cared for and open their hearts, giving you permission to step in so
that you can connect more deeply and teach them that they can be
extraordinary. If an athlete’s heart is not open, no coaching can take
place. You can only do your work when the environment is safe, fear
is mitigated and hearts are opened. Here’s your next transformational
question that can help you to implement more safety: What do I need
to start doing or stop doing to create more safety in my environment?
When you execute the answer, you win the day.

3. POWER OF LOVE: For me, winning the day is about winning your
heart. I fight for your heart by using the greatest success strategy, ever,
and that is LOVE. Coach John Wooden, winner of 11 national
championships in NCAA men’s basketball at UCLA, had something
to say about love. When he retired, he was asked by the media what
he believed to be the reason for his extraordinary success. He simply
told the interviewers that there was a lot of love in his coaching.
Wooden, along with the other 11 Hall of Fame coaches contributing to
this book, believe that they win the day by loving and caring for those
whom they coach.
For example, Coach Pete Carroll told me that the centerpiece to his
makeup originates from love. He allows himself to feel that love for
his athletes and they, in turn, feel it in all aspects of their work. Coach
K at Duke University often speaks about the importance of athletes
knowing you care deeply for them. He develops strong loving
relationships by letting the players know he believes in them.
Coaching, to him, is all about caring relationships. Coach Phil
Jackson, 13 time world champion, claims that it takes several critical
factors to win an NBA championship, the most essential ingredient
being love in your coaching and love throughout the team. Coach
Steve Kerr of the Golden State Warriors does not hesitate to express
his love for his players. During a recent game after a time out, the
camera focused on Steve saying “I love you” to Steph Curry as he
returned to the court.

A word of caution, however. If coaching youngsters, such expressions

could be misconstrued these days with all the incidents of child sex
abuse happening. We all need to be a bit cautious and judicious with
the words we choose. However, that doesn’t have to stop you from
expressing your love through the River and by how you treat others
with kindness, compassion and respect.

While it’s easy to care for and love the good ones, you must also care
for and love the more challenging ones as well. I struggle with this in
my coaching. What helps me to be a good coach is to remember that
the challenging athletes are, like me, human beings. Also, I remind
myself that these youngsters, unlike me, may be insecure, immature
and very fearful. They’re afraid of messing up, letting others down,
failing, looking silly, losing, making mistakes, not being good enough
or even getting injured. Their response to this is to withdraw, hold
back and look for an exit strategy. You can win the day and help them
to win the day by finding ways to baptize them in the River. Make
your athletes feel like they are the most important people in your
life…like they are your superstars. Place them above winning. Give
them what you’d want others to give you when you are afraid. When
they feel loved and cared for, magic happens. They open their hearts,
allowing you to coach and there’s a feeling of liberation, of being set
free. So love them with all your heart, soul and mind. And while
you’re at it love and care for yourself too. It’s hard to love another
when we don’t love ourselves.
The following strategies are specific methods I use with coaches like
you to help them win through the relationship game:

A. My “Oneness Rule” will help you to connect and care. When I was
a college student, I struggled with getting good grades. I recall
getting mostly C’s in my major, English Literature. However, there
was one course where the professor graded one of my papers an A+.
He looked me in the eyes and, I remember what he said to this day
because it changed my life, “You’re a terrific writer.” Here I am,
many years later making a difference in the lives of others having
written 13 books because of that one comment by one person on
one given day. It helped me feel valued and important and now I
win the day doing good things for so many others. I suggest you use
this Oneness Rule idea in this way. You and your staff choose ONE
athlete each, ONE day at a time and give that person ONE positive
comment about something they do or who they are. The River
Effect will work well for this. I like to catch an athlete doing
something right, blow the whistle and point it out to the entire team.

B. I make good use of the electronic age, being a huge proponent of

sending positive, upbeat, caring emails and texts to my players.
Anson Dorrance, head coach of Carolina’s women’s soccer, tells me
he loves to leave notes in the lockers of players, expressing his
good feeling about them as significant athletes and awesome
contributors to the win the day culture.

C. My L.U.V. strategy works wonders in executing the power of love.

It is another acronym that stands for Listen, Understand, Validate. L
is for Listen. I let them talk and listen intently to their issues or
concerns. I notice how athletes respect coaches who listen to them.
Listening, it turns out, is one of the more important keys to heart-
based leadership. (See the section on Listening, coming up later) .U
is to understand through the process of asking questions. I proceed
to ask basic, direct questions based on what I’ve heard, helping
them to gain clarity through their answers as well as enabling them
to feel valued by my close connection to their important words.
Finally, V is for validate. Everyone wants to feel special and
important and the validation process helps in this regard. Validation
gives definition to the coaching environment, helping to inspire and
empower the athlete to commit, persevere, compete, and comply
 with the team culture. It reinforces any and all success experiences,
helping an athlete to stay on track and connected. I may say
something like: “I appreciate your open candid remarks about the
team. We value your input. You’re important to our success.” Or, “I
am so happy you brought that to my attention. I’m glad you are part
of this team.” Know that these vital three entities, L.U. V., are
interdependent and dance together with no particular order.

When you develop this influence with your athletes, they will begin to
trust their fearless leader. Here’s how it works: when an athlete feels heard,
understood and validated, the athlete feels safer. When feeling safer, there is
a feeling of trust. With more trust comes more openness. When an athlete is
more open, learning increases and performance improves. The more an
athlete opens to you the more influence you have and the more effective you
will be with all those whom you lead. Simply put: no trust, no relationship.
With a strong, positive relationship, you can ask you athletes to do all
it takes to improve and they will oblige accordingly, provided you let them
know that you have confidence in their ability to do it. They need to know,
also, that if they fail, you will be there to help them to learn from the setback
and coach them to eventually master it. I tell my athletes that I am here for
them and will always have their best interest in mind.
Here’s your transformative question for this power: What do you need
to start doing or stop doing to demonstrate more love in your culture?
The power of love as a concept for team culture is not new. Over two
thousand years ago the Taoist book of change, the I CHING, made it clear
that leaders must care for, support and love those led in order to build a
unified and powerful culture. Sun-Tzu, in THE ART OF WAR, alludes to the
value of generals loving their troops as one would love a child. By so doing,
you win the day.
 LISTENING WITH THE HEART

Be a good listener; it makes the person who’s speaking to you feel loved,
cared for and worthy of being heard.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, Author

Coach Cindy Timchall, iconic coach of NAVY women’s lacrosse,

believes that listening more than any other coaching skill is what inspires
and empowers her athletes. According to her, it’s the most powerful tool to
demonstrate caring for athletes.
In a recent interview with sports psychologist Greg Dale, Coach Mike
Krzyzewski mentions how he believes “you show someone you care about
them by being willing to listen to them. There is no better way.” He goes on
to state that “there couldn’t be any time better spent than listening” to your
athletes, staff, family and friends. When we listen with an open heart, we
win the day.
It has been said that he who listens with an open heart understands.
Listening is one of the most crucial skills a coach can develop. Because so
many of us feel that we need to talk in order to teach, listening is often
overlooked. What I have observed over the years is that the very popular,
well-liked coaches as we read about above are, indeed, good listeners.
John Wooden was a good listener. In his words, “listen to those under
your supervision. Really listen. Don’t act as though you’re listening and let
go in one ear and out the other.” It has been observed that three out of four
leaders and coaches will interrupt their staff and athletes on average, within
15 seconds of the start of a conversation. Such a practice precludes you from
truly learning from others what you need to know in order to do your best
work. How can you build a strong relationship in this way?
As Wayne Dyer alludes to in the opening quote, listening is an
extraordinary way to demonstrate caring, respect, love and integrity.
Learning and teaching are more easily and joyfully exchanged through good
listening as well. It is a way to make the athlete feel wanted, valued,
worthwhile, and understood. Isn’t this exactly what all coaches desire for
their athletes? Those we lead feel the same way. And what better tool to use
in order to develop solid relationships…and, therefore, win the day.
IMPLEMENTATION:

To develop a listener’s approach to your coaching, there are certain

steps to take on that path. First of all, you must be willing to take the time to
hear what is to be said. You need to have the heart-set that makes you eager
to help. When the athlete talks about his or her feelings, you must convey
acceptance by listening with your heart as well as your ears. You don’t have
to agree with them but you must accept those feelings as spoken by a human
being who trusts and respects you.
Rarely do any of us get the opportunity to learn listening skills. The
following simple skills will help you to engage the athletes, improve your
relationships, solve problems, make good decisions, and create environments
that are safe and more productive.

1. DOOR OPENERS – a way to invite the other person to say more in a

noncommittal way: “I see;” “Really;” “Interesting;” “Is that so?;”
“You don’t say”
2. STEPPING INSDE THE DOOR – invitation for the other person to
go further and be more explicit: “Tell me more;” “I’d like to hear
about it;” “Let’s discuss it”
3. KEEPING THE DOOR WIDE OPEN – this is the most effective of
the three.
A. Try to understand what sender is feeling or means
B. Put into your own words and feed back what you believe you hear;
“It sounds like…;” “What I hear you saying…;” “Correct me if
I’m wrong…”

For listening to be effective, give feedback for only what you feel is
the sender’s message, nothing more, nothing less. Try not to interrupt. Limit
distractions and silence your phone. Use good eye contact and positive body
language. Do not warn, moralize, lecture, judge, blame, or criticize. With
experience, you will grow more direct and intuitive; for now, simply use
what another says and put it in your own words. At first it may feel contrived
or awkward. That’s okay; just do it anyway and tell others that it helps you
to understand better.
These simple yet powerful skills will not just help your athletes to
perform at higher levels, they will move them to a spirit of unparalleled
loyalty and you will gain their compliance as you direct them into areas of
greater development personally as well as athletically.
Wise leaders immerse with others refusing to act judgmentally. In this way,
everyone opens ears, hearts, minds, making them more able to understand
the needs of others.
Tao Te Ching, No. 49
 MINDFUL SELF AWARENESS

When you know both yourself as well as your competitors, you are never in
danger. Know yourself but not others and you have half a chance of winning.
Knowing neither puts you in position to lose.
Sun-Tzu, THE ART OF WAR

I read in Bill George’s book AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP where the

Stanford Graduate School of Business’s Advisory Council were asked to
recommend the most valuable, important capability for leaders to develop
and their answer was mindful self-awareness.
For the purpose of win the day cultures, it is imperative that you have
a strong sense of mindful self-awareness and apply that in all aspects of your
life. Being aware of your strengths and weaknesses will assist you in making
good decisions that fit skin tight over your spirit, who you truly are. It will
help you to have clear vision going forward in your life. This positions you
for great success in all your endeavors. Self-knowledge is the true secret to
helping you win the day consistently.
Self-awareness is an accurate appraisal of who you are, a measure of
your physical, mental, spiritual and emotional fitness. It takes courage to
take this inventory of personal struggles, obstacles and fears to determine
what is needed in order to transcend your limitations. Also, such awareness
is a hedge against selling yourself short and running the risk of feeling
inferior.
According to tennis star Billy Jean King, “Self-awareness is probably
the most important thing towards being a champion”…and a great coach as
well. Defined, self-awareness is to know your shortcomings and strong
points, acknowledge them, and decide what you cannot change, can change
and take action. It is the ability to notice all of it, learn and change. Stephen
Curry reminds us that self-awareness demands deep personal honesty. “It
comes from asking and answering hard questions.”

IMPLEMENTATION:

When I work with my teams, I have a few pointed, direct, life-

changing questions to begin the process suggested by Stephen Curry. Take
your time, no rush, all answers are personal and correct:
 1. Who has been the most influential, inspiring person/leader/coach in
your life?
- What three traits from this person that you don’t have would you’d
like to have?
- What three specific actions can you take to help you consistently
embody these?
- Write these three actions on index cards, one per card, as
affirmations. For example:
a. “I demonstrate my love for my team each day by using the
River Effect.”
b. “I model integrity by making sure I do what I say I’ll do.”

2. What do you like MOST about yourself? What do you like LEAST
about yourself?
- Take your list of LEAST and then write the specific things you can
do in order to change these.
- Write affirmations as you did in exercise 1. For example: You like
least that you are a poor listener. Say this: “I listen with open non-
judgmental heart when being spoken to by my athletes.”

3. What do I need to start (or stop) doing in order to be more caring; a

better listener; better connected; more empowering; more present?
- Write your answers on index cards and add them to the deck with
those above.

4. What is a defining moment in your life and how did it change you?

5. If you could change last year, what would you do differently?

- What specific actions would you take to make these changes?

Involved in the process of personal awareness is the idea of creating

positive self-images and self-talk, pictures and words that clearly spell out
your strengths while creating a vision of what is possible. Replace old,
worn-out negative thoughts and messages with up-beat positive phrases and
affirmations that are forward moving and facilitate your upward
development as a heart-directed coach. This becomes an ongoing updating
process to avoid listening to the deleterious chatter of negativity. Following
the advice of the I CHING, the Taoist book of Change, you should exercise
unrelenting discipline over your thought patterns. Cultivate only productive
attitudes.
Every year, there is a huge coaching conference that my business Way
of Champions conducts, gathering well over a hundred coaches from four or
more continents. I can tell you that the topic of self-awareness and the
subsequent questions completed as exercises draws much positive attention.
It’s astounding how many seminarians come away feeling better about who
they are and who they possibly could become. I tell them how a coach’s life
unexamined is not worth living. Personally, I am on a path to being the best
coach/person I can be. When I examine the “Why Factor” of my coaching,
aside from wanting to make a difference in the lives of others, and change
the status quo of sports is the mission to master my craft – to be the best
version of “Jerry” I can be. After several decades with this mission, I
estimate that I’m only half-way there. It’s so much fun and so meaningfully
satisfying. Try it!

Self-awareness is the key to your success. Many of us think we know

ourselves but believe me; we don’t go on a journey of self-exploration. You
will be amazed at the wonderful person you will discover. The journey to
knowing self is a life-long pursuit. It never stops and you therefore have
infinite opportunities for amazement.
Mary-Frances Winters, Strategic Planner, Diversity Maven
CEO, Winters Group
 LEADING AUTHENTICALLY

The concept of authenticity is a life-long search to be yourself and be able to

demonstrate that self-discovery every day.
Coach Pete Carroll

As you read in the section on The Relationship Game, if a coach is to

be effective he or she must be authentic, vulnerable and have love in the
heart. This is one of the best ways to show caring in your culture. When you
demonstrate these valuable traits, you set the stage to win the day as a true
leader caring for others.
Speaking to me recently, Hall of Fame Coach Bob Hansen stated
emphatically that being authentic for him meant creating the energy that
adds value to others. Bob calls it leading from your basic core values such as
integrity, courage, vulnerability and compassion.
Being authentic for Coach Phil Jackson is how we build strong
relationships. And as we’ve witnessed, winning the relationship game is the
key to successful culture.
Anson Dorrance, 22-time National champions with Carolina women’s
soccer, agrees that authenticity builds solid relationships. He told me how
critical it is in the building of connection with others, staff and athletes.
Cindy Timchal, head coach at NAVY and eight-time champion with
women’s lacrosse says, unequivocally, that being authentic enables her
athletes to feel valued and important. I’ve worked with Cindy for over 20
years…she is herself, she’s approachable. You can’t help but want to be near
her positive, infection energy and vulnerable laughter.
In a recent conversation with Coach Pete Carroll, he mentioned that
the concept of personal authenticity is a life search to be yourself and be able
to demonstrate that self-discovery every day. Being authentic, to him, is the
ability to empower yourself to communicate your uncompromising values.
He’s a believer, as is Coach Hansen that authenticity is about leading from
core principles.
What all these iconic coaches have in common is their belief that their
success in their championship cultures over a sustained period of time is
directly correlated to being authentic leaders.
When I observe authentic coaches, they have several common traits:
they are fully awake and aware, have the ability to let go (see section on
being happy), embrace a higher purpose, are compassionate and passionate,
are self-aware, understand the power of their influence, have a sense of
humor, laugh at themselves and are unwilling to compromise their core
values. This is authenticity in leadership.

IMPLEMENTATION:

Here are some of the ways I believe could help you to demonstrate
being authentic: Establish eye contact, listen, touch others on the shoulder or
pat them on the back. Just be you and let your coach/leader role fade into the
background. You can then become an authentic human being, not a “role.” I
notice how so many coaches play a role fearing that if they don’t they may
lose control. So they hide, pose, posture and play the part and in the process,
become less authentic and vulnerable. Playing a role also creates separation
and makes connection nearly impossible.
To be authentic and vulnerable you must “take off the mask” and have
the courage to show up and be seen. For me, it is a practice I engage in every
time an opportunity is presented. When I do this, I have the chance to
connect more deeply with others. Some of the ways I take the mask off is to
admit I was wrong: “Boy, I really screwed that up.” I will tell others that I
have failed greatly in my lifetime. Or, when presenting an idea, I’ll say “tell
me what’s wrong with this idea” or “maybe you can punch holes in this
concept.”
Vulnerability and authenticity is having the courage to be wrong, to
not be perfect, and to be willing to admit you were wrong. It is the
willingness to let go of who you think you should be in order to
authentically be who you are. Being vulnerable and authentic is a sure way
to show you care. When being authentic, your athletes and peers have
greater respect and love for you and your guidance will be embraced more
fully. As a speaker to large audiences, when I’m open, authentic, genuine
and vulnerable, the caring and connection is deep and their response is
riveting. This is my Secret Sauce that helps raise my effectiveness and
discover my full human capacity as a coach, athlete, person.
What I have learned over the years is that when I put my role aside
and am myself, being vulnerable, present, transparent, and authentic, I am
much more effective and have a subtle transformational effect on whomever
I coach and lead. I am most powerful, most influential, and most happy
when I am being completely myself. And the nice thing about that is: I am
not superior to anyone, nor inferior. I refuse to take myself too seriously and
this shows a level of self-caring as well.
 What I notice about so many who “play the role” of leader-coach is
that they do take themselves and life much too seriously. When this occurs,
the spontaneity, joy, lightheartedness and humor become invisible (assuming
these traits ever existed). In the absence of such authenticity, true, effective,
inspirational leadership is not possible. Humorless, joyless leadership is an
oxymoron. Basically, the “role” itself begins to define you as a “human
doing;” you lose touch with the real you, a “human being” having a
leadership experience, not a leader having a human experience. If you lose
yourself in the “role of leader-coach,” you run the risk of not having
authentic relationships with those whom you guide. Remember that
extraordinary leadership/coaching is all about caring and connection in a
safe, trustworthy, respectful, human environment. Authentic, emotionally
engaging relationships are impossible to create when you get too self-
absorbed.
The way to ensure authenticity is through mindful awareness. Be
mindful of how you talk and interact and treat those you guide, if you desire
to be influential. Ask yourself: is your role and the way you relate to others
causing distance, making you feel superior, preventing emotional
engagement? Is it a block to being transparent when transparency actually
facilitates the power of authenticity?
There are many consistent, sustainable successful teams that I’ve had
the honor of influencing. The common denominator of all these
championship cultures is their authentic leadership, coaches who lead
adaptively from their core values. They are who they are – human being
serving others to be something other than extraordinary.
Speaking of core values, this is the perfect time to segue into Part III.
Read on.
 PART III

IDENTIFYING PERSONAL VALUES: Win the Day Character

If you are authentic with your team, and your daily routine at practice
and games and team meetings reflect your personal core values, well, then,
now you’re going somewhere. Now you’re building a culture. Now you’re
coaching.
Coach Steve Kerr
 In this, PART III of the WIN THE DAY journey, you are introduced to
and invited to cultivate personal values of a leader’s heart and soul. Your
core values are the emotional and spiritual foundational building blocks that
define who you are, what you do, how you do it and why. They keep you
anchored to what really matters and drive success in your culture. These
“non-negotiables” are the essence of your coaching and by association, are a
reflection of what you and your program represents. They are the standard
by which personal excellence is measured in the coaching game.
Being a coach requires you to open deeply to your innate nature, take
a look at what you have and decide what’s needed in order to lead others to
places they never dreamed possible. These personal values will help you
understand that soft is, indeed, strong in our relationships. Universal ancient
warrior qualities such as compassion, courage, gratefulness, honesty,
selflessness and more will enable you and your athletes to learn to go
beyond human emotional and spiritual blockages and strengthen the bond
and connectedness of all when you desire to inspire. This part of the book
will help you make sense out of what you do and why you do it. It will
inspire and empower you and your evolving athletes to address conflict,
doubt, and develop the self in the process.
These values are transcendent, taking you to places deep inside in
order to be more mindful of the needs of others as we travel with each other
to greater spiritual and emotional depths. They will provide a clearer sense
about our relationships with our athletes from the inside out. Here is a
special group of values that help us all to develop, in a word, character. And
remember that it takes time and experience to develop these character
values.
In the words of J.C. Watts, champion athlete, “Everyone tries to define
this thing called character. It’s not hard. Character is doing what’s right when
nobody’s looking.” Do you and your athletes do this? I could use some work
on this. I like to lean on the wisdom of Coach John Wooden for his view
about character: “a true athlete should have character, not be a character.
Some believe that sports build character. I believe that sports reveal
character. A person of character is trustworthy and honest.”
 CHARACTER: Doing the Right Thing

Character is what you really are. A person of character is trustworthy and

honest. Reputation is what people say you are.
Coach John Wooden

Character is a virtue and a value, something that is indicative of moral

and ethical strength, goodness and personal integrity. It is the keystone to
being a great coach, person or athlete. Integrity as it relates to character is
the refusal to “sell out” on the true inner self regardless of what situations
are present in life. The Chinese characters for integrity put this value in
perspective. Translated, they mean: “wholeness and refinement of character,
with a commitment to stand up for personal principles.” The TAO TE
CHING, the ancient Chinese book of leadership, talks about how doing the
right thing is strength of character. Quoting this tome of wisdom:

Hold to your ethics and principles.

Stand strongly for what you hold true.
Believe in your true self without compromises.
Trust in the power within yourself and use it.
Act in concert with your dreams and visions.

Tao sages tell us that when we are true and honest to ourselves we hit
upon what is right, find what is good, understand what’s to be known, and
create a life of harmony, happiness, satisfaction, and success.
Only by being true and honest to our inner selves can we fulfill our
coaching dreams and those of our athletes. When we are out of touch with
our inner self, we feel fear. So we must maintain our integrity at all costs by
identifying and cultivating our deep-rooted values. Only by knowing what
they are can character be developed. We allow others to control our thoughts
or beliefs and make us feel inferior when we act dishonestly about these
values. What would it be like if we acted from a place of deep self-truth to
connect with the same deep truth with our teams? If being deeply honest
threatens this relationship, do you really have a healthy thing going?
Your words and actions are the manifestation of your character, who
you really are, as John Wooden states – so if you want your athletes to trust
you, be a trustworthy person. Don’t promise more than you can deliver, and
don’t say things you don’t mean. Such mixed messages confuse athletes.
College coaches sign recruits by promising they’ll be impact players in the
program and will get plenty of minutes. However, once an athlete is
committed, if it turns out that he is more valuable to the staff and team in a
role that is different than what was promised, the staff will use the athlete as
they see fit, regardless of the promise. Better for a coach to say how much he
would like to coach an athlete and state a vision for the player, assuming
everything works out as expected. It’s tempting to promise the moon, but no
one can predict the future. Promise instead that you and the staff will work
diligently to create opportunities for the athlete to grow and improve.
When athletes see cracks in the dam of a coach’s character, and
therefore the program’s integrity, they may choose various routes to safety.
Some will remain with the program but “check out” emotionally, making it
unlikely that they’ll live up to their athletic potential while in that
environment. Others choose to leave the program for the promise of
something better elsewhere.

IMPLEMENTATION:

To help you to develop stronger character traits, answer these

questions:

1. What coach demonstrates the character traits I most desire?

2. What specifically are these traits?
3. What can I specifically do today to demonstrate one or all of these
traits?

When you’ve completed this exercise, write the behavior out on cards
as you would affirmations and read them to yourself each day before going
to work. You can also have your team do a similar exercise but be sure to
change the questions #1 to “which athlete…”
To help in your character development employ the wisdom of your
team. Ask them to anonymously answer these questions:

1. What are my best traits as a coach?

2. What aspects of my coaching do I need to improve?

Look for patterns in the responses. Is there one trait that several
respondents cited as your strongest point? Is there one trait that stands out –
a unanimously agreed-on trait? If over half of the athletes respond with the
same complaint or criticism, you should definitely be concerned. You can
decide to take concrete steps to change this trait, as it’s likely a hindrance to
effective coaching. By conducting such a survey, you communicate your
openness to improvement and change, a strong character trait in itself.
There is no particular combination of character traits that makes a
coach great. You must do what is comfortable for you, and even experiment
from time to time to determine what is and is not comfortable. New coaches
find that they experiment quite a bit with different styles; in time they learn
what a good fit is for them. Consistency then follows.
Several coaches I have worked with attribute their coaching success to
being true to their basic nature – whether that means being shy, opinionated,
strong-willed, talkative, direct, or humorous – and expressing this nature
through character traits they know to be right: honesty, fairness, kindness,
respect, and patience.

The following are some of the main tenets of character; perhaps you
can add others. Jot down next to each trait (and any others you have added)
an example of how you demonstrate it in your daily coaching. If you don’t
demonstrate this in your coaching now, how could you do so in your
coaching and other aspects of your life? Make your own list and place it
where you will see it every day.

Honesty
Courage
Kindness
Gratefulness
Patience
Vulnerability
Dependability
Joyful
 Consistency
Selflessness
Openness
Respectful
Humility
Positivity
Fairness
Flexibility

All of the coaches I’ve chosen in this book have risen to the top of
their professions, to become champions – but without a strong sense of
character, it would be difficult for them to remain in that position. As a
coach, you are challenged with character issues every day; you need to find
innovative ways to deal with those challenges. Find other individuals, if you
can, who will offer support for your stance. But remember that you can’t run
a popularity contest. You will always meet with some opposition if you
follow your heart and stick to what you intuitively know is right.
As you can see, the cultivation of strong character is the foundation of
an effective culture. Without core ethical qualities, you run the risk of tearing
yourself down instead of building your team up. Use strong character to
create a solid team bond and an environment in which greatness and success
can flourish. Such an environment will be greatly enhanced by the use of
effective communication skills that will enable you to develop quality
relationships with your athletes. When this happens, you win the day.
 COMPASSION: Generosity of an Open Heart

Compassion is often the only remedy when someone assaults our

Bodies, minds and spirits. No one can completely take away our pain
But they can share it with us.
Joseph Marshall III, Lakota wisdom

One of the Golden State Warriors win the day core values is
compassion. Steve Kerr says that “the most powerful leaders and cultures in
the world are the ones who have an awareness of compassion for others.”
Coach Steve Kerr played on Jackson’s world championship Chicago
Bulls team where his soul was marinated in the juices of this core value. He
experienced compassion values with Coach Gregg Popovich as a player on
the San Antonio Spurs. I’ve talked with Steve about compassion as a cultural
value. He believes, as does Jackson, that players respond whole heartedly to
such an environment by their actions, such as when they play and don’t,
understanding their roles, as well as understanding each other. Being a great
communicator, Kerr actively demonstrates his understanding of his players’
concerns, issues and what matters most to them. Because of this, all the
Warriors feel valued, that they are important and they count regardless of
their talents.
Phil Jackson, thirteen-time world champion, claims it was the core
value of compassion that allowed his teams to experience extraordinary
success. In his best-seller SACRED HOOPS, Phil talks about the importance
of the players treating each other with the same care and respect you give
yourself. When we can do that “we begin to see that we all share basic
human struggles, desires and dreams. With awareness of this, the barriers
between us gently give way and we begin to understand that we’re part of
something larger than ourselves.” He talks about the need to open his heart
to comprehend situations from his athletes’ point of view, to practice selfless
compassion. He considers compassion as the most important treasure of his
coaching and culture. It is non-negotiable. Both he and his guys used
compassion to win the day.
Pete Carroll, head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, demonstrates an
intuitive sense of compassion in his championship culture. Compassion is
not a concept that’s often discussed in the NFL but it is one of the
characteristics that the Seahawks players most admire about Coach Carroll.
It enabled them to connect deeply, connection being a vital element in
successful cultures.
Buddhism’s teaching of compassion is extremely compelling. The
Buddhists’ culture is intent on cultivating an open, unlimited heart toward
humanity. The Chinese ancient book of leadership, THE TAO TE CHING,
states that “leaders whose positions are lasting are those who are most
compassionate; when two armies meet the one with compassion is the one
who tastes victory.”
Such thought is extremely relevant in today’s world of sports. Where
there is compassion, there is courage within, giving one a sense of comfort
and security, knowing that if risks are taken, regardless of outcome, all will
be fine. For example, compassion helps you to not worry about mistakes,
failure or loss. When setbacks occur, the core value of compassion helps you
to learn from failure and move on. You get less tense, tight and stressed
knowing you’ll be encouraged to learn from mistakes rather than be
chastised. And, because you’re more calm and relaxed, you actually raise
your level of performance. Compassion empowers you to be brave, fearless,
tenacious and relentless, and strengthen connection as well.

IMPLEMENTATION:

In Native American cultures, compassion for your opponent or

enemies is a value they embrace openly. Following a national championship
in the Spirit of the Lakota Nation, I encouraged the victorious athletes to talk
with the losing team immediately and express their understanding about the
agony of defeat. I asked the athletes: How does your opponent feel right
now? That opened their hearts. We went to them, embraced and thanked
them for their courageous and fearless battle and playing all out with heart.
You could feel the camaraderie between the teams strengthen and the loss in
the moment seemed somewhat easier to digest. We had plenty of time to
focus and celebrate by ourselves away from the arena. Two years later, this
same opponent defeated us in the national championship and displayed
similar compassion for our defeat. We may not have won the game but we
won the day.
Nancy Stevens, head coach of three-time national champion women’s
Field Hockey program, talks openly about compassion in her winning
culture by using the phrase, “You are enough.”
“Before we began the 2017 preseason, I put these 3 simple words on
the board in our team room. I wanted the tone to be one of compassion.
Many players feel that they may not be strong enough, fast enough or good
enough to meet the challenges that lie ahead. These feelings can create
anxiety and a lack of self-compassion. By reassuring our incoming players
that they were, in fact, “enough”, we were able to reduce their anxiety levels
which resulted in more productive preseason practice sessions.
“Walking into the locker room several months later before the 2017
National Championship game, you could feel the high energy in that room. I
wrote once again those three words on the locker room board: ‘You are
enough.’ I could see the body language of our team immediately change, as
the anxiety drained from their bodies. We went on to win the national
championship by playing our best game of the season; relaxed, confident
and focused in the moment.”
Missy Foote, winner of four national championship games as head
women’s Lacrosse coach at Middlebury College, shares her wisdom about
the value of compassion in a champion culture:
“The most important quality we can share within a team (or
community or family) is to value one another’s differences as much as we
value our similarities. We each bring out unique selves as we work together
towards a common goal of being our best selves both individually and
collectively. Seeing the best in each other and talking about it publicly helps
others (and ourselves) recognize our potential. Recognizing our
commonalities – we are all human, we all breathe the same air, we are all
mortal, we all have hopes and dreams – emphasizes our similarities despite
differences, whether it’s a style of play, a way of thinking, race, lifestyle.”
When I asked Cindy Timchal about her take on compassion, she
summarized it all in this terse sentence: “Loving each other.”
In the win the day culture of Way of Champions, I always emphasize
the importance of self –compassion as well. Many forget the value of this
concept and I make sure we all understand what it’s about.
Are you constantly judging yourself, comparing yourself to others,
holding yourself to unreasonable standards or to other people’s expectations?
Are you beating yourself up, putting yourself down, or limiting your peace
and happiness by limiting your self-love? We must practice compassion.
Compassion – both for the self and for others – is an immensely powerful
and peace-loving tool. This state of mind alters brain frequencies, affecting
neurophysiology, and thus causes physical states to be more relaxed, yet
robust and energetic.
Often, we find space to be understanding and patient with others but
we turn inward and treat ourselves more harshly. On the contrary, hold
yourself lightly. Think of yourself – the individual, the being – quietly for a
moment, and conscientiously relax your face. Feel love, patience, and care
for the deepest parts of you, even if in the face of any other feelings you
discover while down there. Tell yourself: “It’s okay. I’m taking things slow
and that’s just fine. I’m perfect just the way I am.” You are not your
possessions or your relationship status or your career or your bank account.
At our core, we are all just BEINGS, and you must find a way to accept
yourself on the BEING level.
This does not mean we lose ambition to strive for goals and greater
expression of our lives; it does not mean we let go of our principles to live in
high moral-character. However, if occasionally we slip up…No problem!
We’re human, we make mistakes and we learn from them. If we’re not in the
place that we want to be but that we know we could be that’s okay! What’s
the rush? We have long lives to live and love and accomplish; we are just
where we’re supposed to be right now.
So hold yourself a bit more lightly. Your life is indeed an important
and meaningful matter, but that doesn’t mean you must take is so seriously
all the time. Smile to yourself, right now. Laugh, in fact, at the silliness of
being so serious. We’re here to have fun and to love – both ourselves and
others. To love requires patient understanding and easy, unconditional care –
indeed true compassion. You deserve patience and care; you are worthy of
being loved. Remember, there’s only one you in this world. Cherish and
honor that unique being.
Finally, I want to close with the astute wisdom of Coach Steve Kerr.
When I asked him about compassion he admitted it was an important aspect
of his team’s culture, winning and losing together. In the end the player’s
nationality, language, tastes in music or religious beliefs are not sources of
division but are, in fact, mediums for greater friendships, understanding and
success. These brilliant words resonate with the Chinese symbol for
compassion which depicts a generosity of the heart followed by an active
eagerness to participate in the opponent’s joy or sorrow. This is how caring
and connection create successful cultures. The Kerr era Warriors certainly
could be defined in this ancient way for modern times.
 COMMITMENT: Devotion to a Worthy Cause

There are only two options regarding commitment. You’re either IN or OUT.
Coach Pat Riley

There are several considerations you may wish to entertain as worthy

commitments in your sports cultures. Let’s give the following some serious
consideration.

IMPLEMENTATION:

Athletes who display deep desire and discipline have a strong

commitment to succeed. It is what distinguishes great athletes from good
ones. When one is committed, the sky’s the limit.
But commitment doesn’t have a life of its own. It will begin to fade if
it’s not nurtured and fed. Your plans, objectives, and goals can motivate your
athletes to persevere until results are achieved. These goals must be
attainable, or frustration and disappointment will quickly set in. they must
also be challenging, or boredom and burnout will result.
To measure an athlete’s level of commitment, ask, “What three things
are you willing to do in practice each day (or in each competition) to prove
to yourself that you are serious about your commitment to the team, the
coach, and your own personal improvement in this sport?” I have heard
answers such as “give verbal support to teammates,” “help the coaches with
equipment care, distribution, and collection after practice,” “sprint on
defense, go for the 50/50 ball. Once these answers are specified, the athlete
can write affirmations about them on index cards. I ask the athletes to share
their “big three” with their teammates, which makes them more accountable
to everyone. These smaller commitments can be upgraded or replaced
weekly as an athlete begins to approach the bigger goals, the greater overall
picture.
To further demonstrate their intent, have athletes create a contract and
sign it as an outward expression of their commitment. Copies can be made
and distributed to other teammates, and coaches can keep a copy on file.
Draw up a contract for individual athletes that centers on a team objective or
plan.
This exercise creates the opportunity for athletes to be responsible and
accountable for their commitments. Monitor the athletes’ responses to be
sure they are challenging, expansive, and aligned with your mission for the
team. By having frequent (weekly or every other week) team meetings on
the subject, you can talk with individual athletes, give feedback and work
with them to adjust their choices.
This is simply an opportunity to teach and to guide and support their
choices. Listen to athletes’ observations and comments about their progress.
Invite them to change or revise their big four, especially after they’ve had
the chance to view their teammates’ commitments. When an athlete seems to
be down or performing poorly, remind her to think about the contract and
what can be done to get back on track.
In athletics as well as other aspects of your life, your level of
commitment is constantly being tested. Some of the more easily
recognizable indicators that you have made a commitment to a certain path
are these: you insist that you will not make excuses for marginal
performance; you view your competitor as a partner to help bring out your
best; you thirst for new ways to improve; you are eager to put forth extra
effort when needed; you experience an absence of lingering doubt; you
refuse to view discouragement and disappointment as anything but natural;
you feel a natural and all-encompassing sense of joy and motivation to do all
you can to be the best you can be.
The sky is the limit when you demonstrate a consistent, never-ending
commitment to what you deeply desire and want to achieve. It is the main
ingredient that separates ordinary performers from those who do
extraordinary things. True commitment is devotion to a cause, an ideal, or a
goal that may be more crucial than victory itself.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy; the chance to draw

back…there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which
kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one
commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things
occur to help one that never would have occurred…unforeseen
incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man [or
woman] could have dreamed would come his way.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German poet and philosopher

Consider whether your lack of commitment is simple complacency or

whether you might want to look deeper to see if there is another sport or
activity that will engender a higher level of commitment. In other words,
lack of commitment may be a sign that it’s time to move on to something
else that’s more appropriate to your development at this particular time.
Remember, too, that if your performance consistently falls short of your
potential, you may lack commitment. Anything that is truly important to you
in life is worthy of your full commitment.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Begin it now.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
 COURAGEOUSNESS: Show Up, Dare Greatly

People say to me all the time “you have NO fear.” I tell them, “no, that’s not
true. I’m scared all the time. You have to have fear in order to have courage.
I’m a courageous person because I’m a scared person.
Ronda Rousey, Professional Wrestler

In the words of author Ray Bradbury, First you jump off the cliff and
build your wings on the way down. It takes courage to jump and trust that
you’ll build your wings on the way down. Most people stand at the top
waiting endlessly for the wings to be built before they jump. We’re talking
about the courage to take that plunge, a risk few are willing to take. Those
who do risk are fearful but they go anyway. It’s like the story of the young
boy in Paulo Coelho’s THE ALCHEMIST, who takes the trek across a vast
desert trusting that there will be a caravan coming in his direction that will
have the supplies he needs to complete the journey.
Life is filled with stories of heroes, risk takers and warriors of
indomitable spirit who take the chance they are given to realize something
greater than they can imagine. This is what a win the day champion does. A
champion has heart. The word courage in French is coeur and in Spanish it is
corazon, both when translated mean heart.
It is said that when racing horses die, only the champion receives a
burial ceremony. They discard the body and bury the head and the heart –
the two parts of anatomy that enabled the horse to never give up, competing
all out even in pain. Like horses, champion athletes compete with heart,
having courage to give their all.
When I think of courage, I always remember the brilliant words
spoken by Theodore Roosevelt’s speech “The Man in the Arena” in 1910:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how
the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have
done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually
in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and
blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again
and again, because there is not effort without error and
shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who
knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends
 himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the
triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails,
at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never
be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor
defeat.

Win the day culture athletes and coaches are not timid souls. They are
not afraid of failure knowing that loss and setbacks are great teachers. They
may fail but do so “daring greatly” and get back up and try it again, wiser
and stronger. They show up, which is half the battle. Many in this world
never show up. In championship cultures, everyone is “all-in” living the core
values and engaging with being authentic and vulnerable. Now, that’s what I
call awesome courage.
In Brené Brown’s book, DARING GREATLY, title taken from
Roosevelt’s speech, she talks about this great courage. “We must walk into
the arena, whatever it may be…with courage. We must dare to show up and
let ourselves be seen.” So many athletes hold back, fearful of going all out
because they may look silly, fail, let their team, coach, parents down, make a
mistake or not be good enough. A true champion, I’ve learned, is willing to
dare greatly, jump off the cliff, knowing that others will “have my back.”
That’s the win the day attitude.
There’s an ancient expression that basically says the arrow that hits
the bull’s eye is the result of a hundred misses. Ultimately, after many
attempts, it finds the target. This happens all the time with my work.
Sometimes I make 100 calls to get one positive “yes.” I’ve had numerous
rejections with my attempts to publish books, yet winding up with some best
sellers. I’ve lost more competitive events than I’ve won but courageously
came back for more as a wiser competitor.
The University of Maryland women’s field hockey team had just
beaten Old Dominion University 3-2 in overtime, gaining a slot in the Final
Four in Boston. My work with Maryland throughout the year consistently
emphasized the need for athletes to play with their hearts (courage) and the
importance of the team over the individual. This is always a challenge with a
team of many stars. Following their victory, the Maryland Terps received the
highest of compliments and greatest validation for their efforts. The “Old
Dominion coach said, “Maryland competed, hustled, and played with their
hearts. When a team does that, it is very difficult to beat. Maryland won as a
team.”
What did Coach Missy Meharg mean by “they played with their
hearts?” I would define heart as the willingness to take risks to improve,
even in the face of potential failure; the courage to go all out and discover
your capability at the moment; the freedom to lose, learn from it, and forge
ahead; planning with fearlessness, tenacity, and audacity’ being bold as you
look at your opponents and dare them to match your intensity.
For champions, this is the spirit of play. Athletes playing only with
their heads tend to be too ego involved, smitten with themselves, and overly
concerned with outcomes and winning. Courageous athletes and coaches, on
the other hand, have a deep desire to win – but if they don’t win, they refuse
to measure their self-worth by any outcome. According to Olympian
gymnast, Simone Biles, “being a gymnast means having the strength to hold
on and the courage to let go.” Letting go and moving on from defeat is a
courageous act.

IMPLEMENTATION:

So, how do we coach the value of courageousness in our win the day
culture? A coach helps a team cultivate courage by giving the athletes the
freedom to fail. They all learn, therefore, that mistakes and setbacks are
necessary components of the improvement process. Learning from these
failures helps to develop the most challenging, difficult athletic skills. If you
do not have the freedom to let go of failure, you take no risks and come to a
full stop on the road to greatness (see the value on Fearlessness).
When your athletes fail, suggest that they step back, embrace the
failure, and learn from it. Athletes should know that you see failure in this
way and courage is what you expect. Then, when failure of any kind occurs,
take the time (immediately at practice, perhaps the next day if it occurs in a
game) to ask the athlete, “What did you learn from that situation? What
could you do to prevent such mistakes in the future?” Rather than fighting
their failures, athletes gain from seeing them as a natural experience that
must occur. When they feel most devastated from taking a risk and suffering
a setback, they can be reassured that they are about to learn from the
experience in some way that will help them improve. If they overlook this
lesson or resist learning it, they will create new limitations that will impede
their performance.
Specifically, ask your athletes to demonstrate courage by accepting
embarrassment when it comes. This may mean diving for control of a loose
ball or coming back after taking a hard fall. It may mean holding their heads
high when losing a game if they went all out. It may involve taking the open
shot after having already missed five in a row, facing the crowd on the
opponent’s home court, and doing the right thing in all situations.
Next you can set the stage for success by encouraging your athletes to
take risks. Risk taking can be fulfilling, exhilarating and rewarding. The
following “courage to risk” formula is an effective way that Bob Hansen has
used successfully with all of his 15 championship teams:

 He tells them that according to philosopher and author

André Gide, “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he
has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Courage
indicates a willingness to take risks.
 If you take the risk and experience a setback, I ask you to
think of the impact this setback will have on your life in
five years. This helps put it into perspective. In most
cases, you’ll see that the setback is meaningless aside
from the wonderful lessons it can teach.
 When you take the time to choose realistic, short-term,
challenging goals, you minimize the risk factors. When
you select a direction of personal passion, you fortify
your courage to take the risk.
 Bob then explains that the pain of taking a risk must be
weighed against the pain of not taking the risk, which
could be a life of deep regret or remorse. “Although I
initially resist taking big risks, I usually end up taking
them for their hidden opportunities. For the most part, my
life can be seen as a series of constant, well-calculated
risks. These thoughts and strategies help me go for it.”

I love the way Bob self-discloses his personal life to his athletes
during a teachable moment. This shows his courage to be vulnerable (see
value Vulnerability).
Remember that success is already yours for having the courage to take
the risk. After all, the most damaging or painful risk could very well be not
taking the risk to improve your life. Don’t ask, “Will this risk create
failure?” Better to ask, “Will this risk put me in position for major
breakthroughs and growth?” The only real failure is the un-fulfillment or
remorse created by avoiding taking risks.

There’s no comparison between what’s lost by not trying and what’s lost by
not succeeding.
Francis Bacon, Essayist
 GRATEFULNESS: Finding Deep Meaning

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if
we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy
– because we will always want to have something else or something more.
David Steindl-Rast, Benedictine Monk

Brother David, as he is affectionately known to his friends and

followers, is a world renowned Benedictine monk most associated with the
sacred value of GRATEFULNESS. (Go to gratefulness.org to learn more about
this amazing man). Over the course of several years, I’ve been blessed to get
to know Brother David during several personal intimate lunch meetings and
walks at Esalen Institute on the California Big Sur coast. During one of my
most difficult, challenging and frightening times in my life, worried about
the potential loss of one of my children, he taught me the value of
gratefulness for what I did have, an opportunity to have four full years of
love with this beautiful child, my first son, Daniel. We prayed and meditated
together for Danny and he helped me to refocus on getting close rather than
to pull away and by so doing, the pain of potential loss faded into the
background. I’m happy to tell you that Daniel is very much alive and super
healthy today and the age of 35. He ran for 35 kilometers on his 35th
birthday. Gratefulness changed my life and it continues to help me influence
those I’m so fortunate to have in my life…like you.
I’m tempted to fill up the rest of this section of the book with inspiring
quotes from Brother David…and that may be more useful than what I have
to say, but you can google Brother David and discover all of his profound
wisdom. Meanwhile let me show you how I can help you and your culture to
marinate in the “holy water” of gratitude.

IMPLEMENTATION:

Let’s be honest with ourselves, as coaches and athletes, we are so

blessed working at something we love to do. Most go to an office and work
in a cubicle; we get to play a game. Being aware of this begins deep within
our hearts, our source of gratitude. Being grateful contributes to your overall
health and well-being, builds strong relationships and cultures and has a
strong impact on positive performance. In fact, I use the term “from grateful
to great.” Having experienced over a hundred championship teams and
thousands of champion athletes, I can anecdotally assure you that a culture
of shared gratitude promotes a stronger team as well as heightened levels of
productivity and improved performance.
When your team arrives for practice or at the competitive arena,
chances are their minds are full and their hearts empty. There is much
distraction from trivial, unimportant nonsense or heavy weighing issues that
detract from the present moment. My coaches love my work on gratefulness
with the team which brings them back to the task of winning the day, present
in the moment, mindful of why we do what we do. This following exercise
is one way to implement the habit of gratefulness in your championship
culture:

Before you begin your workout, training session, or work for

the day, I ask you to think of seven aspects of life that you
appreciate. For example: your skills, talents, mind, health,
family, friends, opportunities, and work. Now, with eyes closed,
I ask that you connect to the feeling of appreciation. Give
yourself a minute to get this feeling. Then I say, “Imagine this
feeling coming into your body in three deep breaths, as each
breath surrounds the heart. Hold each breath there as the feeling
begins to expand.” With this sensation of gratitude in the heart,
I ask you to make your performance today a reflection and
extension of that appreciation. Open your eyes and take on the
days tasks. Feel your vitality and positive attitude about
bringing your best.

When I introduced this exercise to Middlebury College Coach Bob

Hansen decades ago, he began to use it on a regular basis prior to practice.
He did this the morning of his latest national championship in 2018.
Another gratefulness exercise I use in my coaching is to have my team
sit in a circle and ask them to tell the teammate to their left why they are
grateful about them as a person and a significant athlete on the team. The
room becomes inundated with love as the bond between them gets even
stronger. This works especially well prior to a big tournament or at another
significant time during the season.
Finally, I love to write a daily email of gratitude to a friend or college,
or athlete, to help set a positive tone not only for them but for myself as
well. When you give love you get it back a hundred times (see section on
Power of Love). When I do this, I feel more optimistic, more alive, and
better about my life. It has been scientifically shown that such gratefulness
increases the activity in the brain’s pleasure centers. And who of us does not
enjoy pleasure?
I’ve been teaching the value of gratefulness in my cultures for
decades. I believe it’s what separates my WAY OF CHAMPIONS, WIN THE
DAY cultures from others. When you decide to coach the above gratefulness
exercises your athletes will love them and the “joy factor” will rise
exponentially (see the value of Joy). Speaking of joy, I will close this section
with another bit of Brother David’s wisdom:

As we learn to give thanks for all of life and death, for all of this given
world of ours, we find deep joy. It is the joy of trust, the joy of faith in the
faithfulness at the heart of all things. It is the joy of gratefulness in touch
with the fullness of life.
 INTEGRITY: Search for Uncompromising Principles

Integrity is life’s search for uncompromising principles, a voyage to find

yourself and demonstrate that in an authentic way.
Coach Pet Carroll

I am in awe of the dynamic, universal relevance of the value of

integrity and how many other values are related to and subsumed under its
umbrella. When I think about integrity, I must also consider the all inclusive
aspects of values such as authenticity, accountability, resilience, humility,
gratefulness, vulnerability and character. In this sense integrity becomes the
mother of many values, demonstrated in many ways. I can also attest to the
fact that most coaches I meet while sharing my work agree how integrity is
manifested in so many ways within their cultures. In the words of
Buckminster Fuller, “integrity is the essence of everything successful.”
Anson Dorrance, told me recently that in his culture, “we have verbal
leaders who are less concerned about popularity than they are about holding
everyone to their highest standards while driving teammates to their
potential. This is accountability and integrity. We demand that everyone get
on board with this.”
Bob Hansen at Middlebury College told me the story about how his
team was gracious to one of their opponents after having been beat by them
twice in the season, once being in the championship match. This display of
integrity with character and authenticity paid off the following year when the
results were reversed and their opponent was gracious to them in defeat.

IMPLEMENTATION:

Coach Timchal believes that her teams demonstrate integrity when

they, as she says it, “narrow the gap between what we say we’ll do and what
we actually do.” Her team makes promises to each other (see section on Win
the Game or Win the Day) then follows through with integrity, delivering the
“goods.”
Phil Jackson notices how integrity plays out when his team focused
their hearts and souls on something greater than themselves, something you
never forget.
Then there is the late coach Bill Walsh, past coach of the NFL Forty-
Niners, five-time Super Bowl champs. Rather than focus on winning
championships, he devoted his energy to developing a strong culture of
integrity. His standards are noteworthy and we all should implement each
one into our culture. These standards can easily be posted as daily reminders
when your team shows up. They can also be used in team meetings and as
coaching talking points on the field:

1. Develop respect for each other regardless of your role (see value
on Respectful).
2. Be firm and be fair.
3. Give positive praise (see section on Positivity).
4. Focus on effort not results (see value on Grit).
5. Have open communications (see value on Listening).
6. Everyone gives to the team (see value on Selflessness).

The late icon, Coach Dean Smith of UNC Basketball teams for several
decades, thought about integrity, making it part of his three core values. In
my one and only meeting with Coach Smith, a few years before he passed,
he related to me how he wanted every player to feel like they were the most
important athlete who ever played for him. I can tell you this, after that 45
minutes meeting with him, I felt like I was the most important person in his
life. Imagine how inspiring that was. I began to write my best seller,
COACHING WITH HEART a week after this fortuitous meeting. He did
mention to me how we need to place people above all else, how team is
more important than the individual, along with personal integrity, all three
items, were the special values of a championship culture. This naturally
marinated my spirit in the RIVER Effect (see that section in Part II).
The Chinese symbols for integrity illustrate wholeness of character
and a commitment to stand up for personal principles – never for a moment
considering compromising what you believe to be right. Buddhist thought
asks that you do the right thing, act with integrity in all things. For us,
integrity is the act of narrowing the existential gap between what you say or
feel and what you do.
Athletics presents you with continual opportunities to demonstrate
your integrity. You may say you train hard, yet when others are not looking,
you back of the intensity. You may say you’ll show up but don’t. You might
claim you want to get in shape, yet indulge in counterproductive eating
habits. There are many ways this gap between what you say and do can
manifest.
There is another way you can compromise your integrity that happens
frequently in sports: not playing to your full potential. Integrity is the refusal
to compromise your talents regardless of the score, the outcome, or the
differences in levels of ability among competitors. Do not give others
permission to make you feel inferior, undeserving, or less than you are.
I tell the athletes and coaches in my cultures that we must identify and
cultivate deep-rooted values. I’ve done this with you in this book. There are
multiple ways to implement all of them into your win the day culture.
Integrity is the refusal to “sell out” on these values and on your true self.

Hold to your ethics and principles and do not compromise what you believe
to be right. Acting in concert with your dreams and visions, being honest
with yourself and in harmony with the laws of nature are the keys to having
integrity.
I CHING No. 29
 JOYFULNESS: Raising the Fun Factor

One of the reasons they are so special is they have so much joy in the
process of each game. They don’t talk much about records. But our guys
have a lot of fun from one night to the next. I think that’s part of our success.
It comes from enjoying everything every day.
Steve Kerr, Head Coach, Golden State Warriors

To be perfectly honest, I could fill this part of the book on Joy with
conversations, emails and texts I’ve had with Coach Kerr over the past four
years and all I’ve learned from him about being a champion coach. He’s
extended to me the opportunity to contribute my expertise but I believe I’ve
learned and benefitted more from this relationship than he has. My point is,
our “consultancy” is filled with joy and fun as we continue to love what this
is truly about, making a difference in each other’s lives. Because of our
relationship, I can now fully understand why he’s such an awesome coach
and why his guys go the distance under his tutelage.
Let’s talk more about this. The first and most important of the
Warriors’ core values is Joy! Steve wants everyone to have fun. It’s a game
and we play because of the fun-factor. It’s fun to be a Warrior because they
are a selfless brotherhood of athletes coming together for each other for
something bigger than the game. With this environment, everyone feels safe
and as a result, they love playing with each other. When you have fun, you
will work harder and have greater commitment and motivation to compete.
From a fan’s perspective the Warriors are fun to watch and fans are as
well. I love being at the games not just to watch a great culture of athletes
but to watch a fun loving fan base celebrating joy and excitement. I can
easily absorb the joy the bench players are having when a teammate, starter
or sub, does something special. The guys literally “jump for joy.” It is fun
knowing that all of your teammates want the best for you. While selflessness
(see value on Selflessness) is truly noble, they buy-in because of the joyful
results they get from giving to each other. It’s fun and joyful to be part of an
organization that allows its athletes the bandwidth to be themselves in all its
diverse population. It’s joyful to be part of a loving, caring coaching staff
that actually listens to you. When Steve first took over as coach, his idea was
to find ways his guys could be happy (see section on Don’t Worry, Be
Happy). Happiness translates into joyfulness. It is because of this happiness
that for a large part, his team is successful.
 What I want you to take away from this is how joy and selflessness
can play a key role in your culture as well by implementing the Steve Kerr
philosophy stated above, why and how his team experiences joy.

IMPLEMENTATION:

The culture of Bob Hansen is also built on joy for many of the same
reasons as the Warriors. Being Warrior fans, Bob and I have discussed the
element of joy and how he has instituted the Kerr culture of joy. Simply put:
Sports is Joy. The promise his team makes to each other every season is: we
have more fun and joy than any other team, anywhere. I asked Bob, “more
than the Warriors?” Now that’s a challenge. Bob’s team has even gone so far
as to imitate the inclusion of music into their practice sessions as do the
Warriors.
Phil Jackson talks about truly coming from being truly present in each
and every moment not just when things are going your way. Of course,
things go your way when you stop worrying about whether you’ll win or
lose and focus full attention on the joy that’s happening in the moment, the
fun of trying to execute a well-designed plan.
Missy Foote of Middlebury College women’s Lacrosse has some
wonderful insight into the value of joy and how she implements joy into the
culture. According to Missy, “belly laughs, celebrations and traditions
inherently create joy on teams, but I think the coach is crucial in helping set
the tone for how to have fun, not take life too seriously, and how to
recognize joy in small accomplishments.” Here is how she specifically
establishes fun and joy with her teams:

 After hard sprints or conditioning I like to remind my players that

hard experiences, when shared are joyful and life affirming. “We
don’t do sprints (only) for the conditioning,” I like to say.
 The last words I always say to my team in the huddle before a
game are, “Have fun out there!” I wanted those words to imprint
on their minds to ward off becoming bogged down in game plan
details as they headed out to the field. Championship athletes play
with joy, fortitude, fierceness and adaptability.
 I’ve often stopped practice to point out the backdrop of purple
mountains as the sun sets, crazy cloud formations, a dandelion
covered meadow or geese flying overhead. Experiencing joy as a
 sense of wonder in the everyday helps us put into perspective our
shared experiences and can help promote a feeling of loving
kindness.

I love Missy’s approach to creating joy in the moment. I encourage

you and your athletes to take a few moments to notice the beauty all around:
the colors, the ball, its texture on the surface, the court, field, pool, track.
Simply feeling grateful for this moment in which we’re alive and healthy
gives the opportunity to experience the subtle, quiet joy of being together.
Whether it’s conditioning or skill development, look for ways to bring more
joy to the equation. Coaches who have well-disciplined teams realize that
athletes will be more receptive to hard work if there’s some fun involved;
they will go the extra mile if they enjoy what they do.
It’s important not to confuse fun with goofing off. Coach Timchal,
while at Maryland, talked to her national champion Lacrosse players about
the fun in the execution of a well-thought-out offensive plan.
Roger Bannister talked about the joy and fun of going all out, even
with the pain. Fun doesn’t mean you take the job of training less seriously.
Fun is simply toning down the stress, anxiety, and pressure. Fun is why most
athletes started engaging in their sport in the first place!
Find drills or workouts that your athletes can do well, that will be fun
for them, especially if you can end a practice with them. Sometimes it’s fun
for athletes to decide that they’d like to do that last 20 minutes of practice.
An unstructured, unsupervised scrimmage works well for many game sports.
Some of the great lacrosse coaches play soccer every so often. Some soccer
coaches play touch football; some football coaches conduct box ball games.
The possibilities for fun are unlimited – just have fun!
 RESPECTFUL: Creating a Spirit of Loyalty

Respect of others creates a spirit of loyalty. Followers are motivated to take

on hardship and sacrifice in the attainment of goals.
I CHING, Chinese Book of Change

In the culture of North Carolina’s women’s Soccer, Anson, in a recent

phone conversation mentioned how “we don’t whine or create drama out of
respect for each other. We don’t freak out over silly issues or reside in
tenuous states of emotional catharsis.” These athletes respect each other for
competing hard in practice against each other. They respect the game, the
officials, and the opponent. Of course, you can’t legislate respect but as a
coach you can walk your talk and model what you want to see in your
athletes. This value begins with each of us respecting ourselves. We begin to
respect ourselves when we uphold our core values like commitment,
character, positivity, selflessness and integrity. When you have all these,
you’ll begin to respect yourself and that bleeds over into your respect for
others.
To build respect in your culture, think about using the RIVER Effect,
the Relationship Game, the Power of Influence and the segment on feelings
from Part II, and the impact these have on building respect. Staying true to
all your culture’s values strengthens the respect others have for you as well.
The coach sets the tone for a community that demonstrates respect.
Great coaches and leaders, such as Phil Jackson, created environments
that were trusting, open, and respectful. Jackson understands that he gains
power by having respect for his athletes. They then mirror his behavior as
they achieve high levels of performance. In your other roles in life, such as
that of a CEO or a parent, you may have also discovered how respect creates
the outcome you desire.
When I asked Coach Carroll of the Seahawks about the value of
respect, he reminded me that his culture is guided by values of acceptance of
diversity, which is rooted in the notion of respect, as they practice inclusivity
on and off the field. There is respect for a wide range of human differences
within the Seattle Seahawk culture.
Legendary Coach John Wooden claims that respect starts with giving
respect to others. “You must have respect for those under your supervision.
Then, they will do what you ask…go the extra distance, make the extra
effort in trying to accomplish the most they can.”
 An attitude of respect is crucial in achieving high-levels of
performance. I know of a collegiate women’s basketball team that was
talented, passionate, and united as a group yet could never realize its
potential and win because the coaching staff was blatantly disrespectful and
abusive, to each other as well as to the athletes. Sarcasm, shame, and foul
language tore these great spirits apart, and their performance reflected this
hostile environment. Healthy coach-athlete relationships are built on trust
and loyalty through positive communication and forgiveness. The key is to
respect all others as you would like to be respected.
Think of throwing a stone in the center of a pond and how every
ripple reaching outward begins at the single point where the stone initially
dropped in. In the same way, all respect for others begins first with self-
respect. In Chinese, the symbols for respect express the understanding that
respect for others begins with respect for yourself. With such respect, you
create an environment that is conducive to extraordinary performance.
Respect is one aspect of love, and when an athlete feels respected and loved
by a coach, he or she will go the distance – do what is asked and more.
When you respect and love others, you don’t lose power or control; you gain
it. A lack of respect creates resistance, alienation, and resentment – even
revolt.

IMPLEMENTATION:

If you wish to implement the core value of respect in our culture,

answer these questions: What do we need to start doing that we’re not doing
in order to create a more respectful culture? What do we need to stop doing
that we are doing in order to create a more respectful culture? Make the
answers a new set of promises you make to win the day.
 SELFLESSNESS: It’s About Pointing Fingers

One player’s selfish attitude can poison a locker room and make it hard, if
not impossible, to establish team work. Basketball is a team game about
unselfish acts and sacrifice that result in team building.
Coach Dean Smith

I love the ancient Kenyan proverb: “sticks in a bundle are

unbreakable.” The spirit of a solid team culture never breaks when its
members stick together, unselfishly, helping everyone on the team reach
higher levels of performance. When you do this, you collectively win the
day.
Bill Bradley, senator, author, all-American and professional basketball
national champion with the New York Knicks, comments, “The greatness of
my teams is how they realized that no one player could be as good as all of
the players competing together unselfishly.”
The above quote by Dean Smith to introduce this core value of
selflessness was part of a conversation we had while I was working at UNC.
He taught me and his players that such a value helps to bring out their best.
It was Coach Smith who promoted the “pointing finger,” a gesture made by
pointing to the teammate who assisted you on scoring a basket as a way to
share the effort. This was part of what he called “The Carolina Way,” a way
of caring and connecting to win the day.
Such a culture becomes contagious. It was true at Carolina. I’ve
experienced this value of selflessness with several of the Carolina coaches
during my seven-year tenure there, such as women’s Volleyball, Lacrosse
and Soccer coached by Anson Dorrance. One of Anson’s main core values in
his 22-time national championship culture speaks to selfless behavior. The
athletes buy into the idea that regardless of playing time, they remain noble
and still support the team and its mission. “This self-sacrificing, generous
human being always places team before self. We play for each other, helping
all to be better.”
It’s not easy in today’s world. Many cultures struggle with getting the
athletes to “buy in” to the notion of giving rather than getting. As a coach,
you need to consider being more demanding about this core value and teach
them how to embrace it more fully. Sustained selflessness becomes its own
reward. When we give to others, others give back exponentially and this
helps everyone to win the day.
 Eleven-time national championship Coach Geno Auriemma of the
UCONN women’s Basketball team says that there is “too much of a ‘me’
culture in youth sports…it’s all about me, me, me. Kids are influenced by
pro athletes who they see as being really cool. They seem to always think
about themselves.” His culture puts a high premium on selflessness, a code
of behavior that he believes contributes so much to their success. This is a
life skill he expects his athletes to learn in order to promote caring and
connection in their culture.
One of the stories I love to tell my teams is the one about Andre
Iguodala of the Golden State Warriors. Evidently, when Steve Kerr took over
as head coach with the Warrior organization, one of his first acts was to talk
with Andre about his role on the team. Andre, an NBA All-Star and
consistent starter on every team he played for, every game of his career, was
asked by Kerr how he’d feel if he didn’t start with the Warriors and come off
the bench when needed instead. Kerr told him how that would make the
team better. Andre unselfishly responded that he would agree to do whatever
is best for the team. He trusted Kerr, and gave to his team in this way all
season. Andre was called upon in the Finals of the Championship series to
start and his stellar performances earned him the MVP of the 2015 NBA
Finals as the Warriors won their first championship with Steve Kerr and all
this happened because he chose to selflessly win the day.
Because of the high priority Steve puts on selflessness, his players
find joy in giving to each other. Steve says that the concept of selflessness is
counter-intuitive in professional sports where many worry about getting
enough: money, playing time, statistics, recognition…yet he finds a way to
create a giving culture. His method is to ask players to be mindful of giving
to each other as a way to ultimately get more in return. Notice how
unselfishly they distribute the ball, throw an extra pass and give credit to
others for their contribution.
Of course, in Anson Dorrance’s culture the athletes learn to put the
team before self. Mia Hamm, a member of their championship teams, talks
about the champion being the team, not any one individual player. I’ve
observed Anson’s teams in practice and truthfully, they are a clan of
generous people who place team above self.
Nancy Stevens of the UCONN Husky women’s Field Hockey national
champions shared her take on the value of selflessness with me while
working with her team. She started by quoting an African Proverb:

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

 “During the recruiting process, we often identify players who are
supremely talented but simply won’t fit into our team culture. There is only
one ball on the field! We look for players who enjoy sharing the ball. If you
give up the ball, you will always get it back. The synergy created by playing
as a team will often succeed against teams that depend on one of two
superstar players. This philosophy has allowed us to win three of the past
five NCAA National Championships.
“On a more personal note, I have had the good fortune to travel
extensively in Africa over the past decade. Observing the strength of the
tribe has inspired me to share aspects of those strong cultures with our team.
I have also learned a great deal from observing herds of elephants. Dame
Daphne Sheldrick who founded the Sheldrick Trust to rescue orphan
elephants has said many times that, ‘Elephants possess all the best qualities
of human beings and very few of the worst.’ I have observed the herd
waiting for and protecting a younger elephant that limped slowly with a
twisted leg. It was a congenital defect that prevented the younger elephant
from keeping up with the herd. Rather than abandon the family member,
different herd members took turns walking alongside this slower elephant.
That is just one example of many that can be learned on the Masai Mara.”

IMPLEMENTATION:

As far as implementation of selflessness goes, you may want to try

this. One of my favorite exercises to get teams to think more selflessly is to
ask everyone to choose one way that they will give to the team this week,
from a list of 10 items drawn up by the entire team. They send a “group text”
informing their teammates about their generosity for the week and everyone
keeps each other accountable for doing the work. Sometimes it’s about
picking up all the balls after practice or carrying the ball bag or giving more
praise to others or volunteering to help other teammates with certain skill
development. After a few weeks the team begins to feel the shift and it
creates a stronger bond between the players. The connection deepens and the
caring blossoms. They become givers rather than getters.
I leave you with this thought from the Dalai Lama: “Our prime
purpose in this life is to give to and help others.” When you do, you win the
day. We are on this planet to do one thing…serve.
There is a beautiful compelling story about selflessness told by Native
American Lakota historian, Joseph Marshall III. He refers to selflessness as
generosity.
 “Early in the 19th century, a group of Lakota moving camp were
forced to wait for an entire day while a herd of buffalo, numbering in the
hundreds of thousands, passed by. A young boy sat, somewhat impatiently,
with his grandmother as they watched. ‘Why are there so many?’ he asked.
The old woman smiled lovingly and replied ‘Because there is no end to the
Earth’s generosity. Do not let there be an end to yours.’ ” I love this fresh
outlook that expresses the heart of the Lakota Nation towards selflessness, a
wisdom that transcends the ages.
 VULNERABILITY: Leaning into a Scary Place

Vulnerability is not weakness. And that myth is profoundly dangerous. It’s

about showing up and being seen.
Brené Brown, Ph.D.

Being vulnerable is a strength often related to being authentic. Great

coaches are not afraid to be authentically vulnerable and admit they made a
mistake or say “that loss is on me, I didn’t prepare us well enough.” Steve
Kerr is such a coach. He’ll apologize to players if he keeps players on the
bench too long. If a player has a disagreement with him about how he’s
being used, he listens and doesn’t take it personally.
This trait is a value rarely found in the coaching profession or among
athletes in all sports. We struggle with being authentic and vulnerable
because we think of it as weakness while in actuality it is strength. It
demonstrates courage (see section on Courageousness). In the words of
Brené Brown, Daring Greatly means the courage to be vulnerable.
I know from a personal perspective how much courage it takes to be
authentic and vulnerable. I’ve been practicing with these values in my
coaching for forty years. While I feel I’m only half way there, I keep
experimenting with shedding my mask. My mission is not only to make a
difference in the lives of others; it’s to master my craft. Every year I get
closer to getting “mask-free: and emotionally “naked” on the never ending
journey towards full authenticity. It takes courage and the willingness to take
risks to “show up and be seen” in the words of researcher/author Brené
Brown. I continue to work at being unapologetically me. It’s a frightening
place to visit yet it is absolutely essential if I hope to be effective and remain
sensitive, caring, respectful, authentic and genuine so as to truly make a
difference in the lives of others. It requires me to lean into this fearful, scary
place and that takes courage…BUT, I can tell you that when I have the
presence of heart to do this, it is so worth it. Most people feel that in order to
do their work well, they need a mask they can hide behind such as a title, a
degree, a rank, a position. But for me, I can’t do my best work with a mask. I
must put aside the Dr. Jerry Lynch, author, athlete mask, come out from
behind it and meet you as a human being in all my flaws and imperfections.
This is when I truly connect, heart to heart rather than head to head. That’s
when the real work begins.
Those of you who know me and have attended any of my conferences
and workshops know that I don’t use the stage, microphone, or title; I dress
comfortably and do not own a “power suit;” I don’t hide behind notes or a
lectern. I’m being the same person I am whether leading a group or
swimming with my kids or talking with my friends. By being open and
stripped of the entire “professional garb” as it were, I can be thoroughly seen
and be someone whom I would feel comfortable around. Why do I do this? I
do this because I’ve learned that if I want to make a difference, I must
connect and meet my audience where they’re at. I must be willing to look
silly, make mistakes, forget what I said, fail and even risk you not liking me.
My attitude is that we’re all the same…human beings not human
doings…who are here to help each other learn by sharing that part of
ourselves. I need to learn from you what I need to know so that I can help
you to know what you need to learn. It’s that simple. I still get caught up into
the “professional trap” and I can feel the distance between our hearts set in. I
refuse to connect head to head because no growth takes place. So I try each
time I get the opportunity to make a difference to show up and be seen – or
in my case, be experienced. The result of being authentic and vulnerable is I
gain the trust and respect of others and they become loyal, secure,
enthusiastic and committed to “going the distance” with me. This demands
“outside-the-box” behavior, out on the edge, fearlessly fighting to win the
hearts of my athletes.

IMPLEMENTATION:

Such authenticity and vulnerability means you must trust yourself…to

be comfortable in your own skin…to see all of your work as a path of
humanity and we all are humans just like those we lead and coach. Engage
in conversation that unites not separates. For example, draw an athlete in by
asking: “So, what is your go-to comfort food?” Everyone relates to that.
Food is the universal connector. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to see where
this opening takes the conversation. And, in the process, we all act human. I
remember the Dalai Lama once telling an audience that he was just like us
all…same fears, concerns, troubles, desires. He was authentic and from that
place, he could lead me and I would follow.
Whenever I am in a leadership role, I purposely remind myself to “let
it all go and just BE ME.” that is all I need to do to continue to be effective
in that role. That’s how I can connect more deeply and more authentically
and be vulnerable.
Being authentic and vulnerable for a coach is a subject that’s slowly
becoming part of the conversation in coaching education. Athletes, too, are
realizing that being vulnerable is a good value. It means not being afraid to
make a mistake, fail, mess up or lose. When that happens, when we’re that
authentic and vulnerable, fear flows away as we become free to fly, fluidly
letting our body’s innate intelligence take over. A free athlete is an awesome
spectacle to watch. A free athlete has more fun and positions his or herself
for extraordinary performance, what I aspire to be in my performances
helping large groups of people to discover their greatness. Authenticity and
vulnerability are liberating. They free all of us up to perform to our full
capacity. But more meaningfully, allows us to experience more joy, fun and
love.
I recommend you watch, if you haven’t already, The Power of
Vulnerability TED Talk by the vulnerability champion, Brené Brown. This is
the wave of the future for all sports performers and leaders; catch the wave
now and ride it forever.
Here, once again, are two profound questions that can help you to
implement the value of vulnerability and authenticity with into your life as a
coach or athlete:

1. What do you need to start doing that you’re not doing in order to
become more vulnerable and authentic in your work or life?
2. What do you need to stop doing that you are doing in order to
become more vulnerable and authentic in your work or life?

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage
aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness. Vulnerability is the
birthplace of everything we are hungry for.
Brené Brown, Ph.D.

Now we are ready to enter Part IV and carry our personal core values
into the coaching arena to influence our team in the development of their
cultural team values.
 PART IV

ESTABLISHING TEAM VALUES: Win the Day Competing

The role of the head coach is to get his players to practice and
demonstrate the culture’s core values.
Coach Steve Kerr
 The win the day champion’s journey is not unlike that of the sacred
path of the warrior or the Native American vision quest. Such warriors were
characterized by inner strength, mental toughness, and independence, and
they fought for a higher good, beyond self-interest. They understood, as do
champions, that the game is not only fought on the battlefield against an
opponent; the game is also an arena for the battles within, against failure,
fear, fatigue, frustration, self-doubt, and ego. They chose to fight these
battles with “weapons of the heart.” These weapons are their core values –
competitive values more powerful than traditional weapons themselves.
The word te in Chinese means “virtue” or value, as in the TAO TE
CHING, the classic book of the virtuous way. Being a win the day champion
is a spiritual act of practicing these inner virtues of the heart and I will help
you to connect and demonstrate them in all arenas of athletics, and personal
life.
Learning how to implement all of these timeless team core values on a
consistent basis will enable your culture to win the day. And I want to
strongly emphasize that implementation must be consistent. Coaching to the
values on the practice field is essential. Catch them “doing it right” and use
it as an example for the entire team. When an athlete demonstrates a value
such as being fearless, blow the whistle, call the team together and give
praise where it’s due. Point out how an athlete’s work ethic is strong. Ask the
group, “Who else thinks they can do that?” This keeps the culture honest and
the athletes begin to understand how you want them to behave. You can
facilitate this behavior shift by using highlight videos to point out how core
values look and recognize their effect on the overall culture. I also have my
teams post the values in the locker room keeping them visible. I recommend
devoting each week or month to a particular value and talk about it before
each practice.
These values are rooted in the basic human needs of caring and
connection. These core values are all items that can be controlled. We can’t
control winning on the scoreboard but we can be more mindful and control
winning the day and thereby positioning ourselves for good things to happen
and having a say in the outcome. All the core values below have been
implemented in various ways by all my championship teams and the twelve
iconic coaches throughout this book, to build successful sports cultures. I
will show you how to implement these core values in your team culture, not
to win a championship, but to establish a way of being that could set the
stage for one.
According to Steve Kerr, “the role of the head coach is to get his
players to practice and demonstrate the culture’s core values.” He believes
what I said above; you must coach these on the court. Steve also says that to
get a team united and sacrifice for the team is hard, which is why many
coaches give up trying. He mentions that in order to accomplish this, the
whistle needs to be used as a core value teaching moment, and do it every
day consistently. While all these core values sound great and noble, that’s
not enough. They must be operationalized for them to sink in. Notice the
Warriors and what do you see? Their flow is in tune with each other. I know
Steve and observe how the deeper core values of mindfulness, joy,
compassion and competitiveness are the essence of who he is and what he
models. His players buy-in to that model and play together for the greater
good of the team. You can do this, too. We all can. But the message of win
the day core values must be reinforced in daily practice. Of course, Steve’s
biggest assets are his ability to respect all those with whom he works while
controlling his ego, listen and show lots of love for his guys.
Now, while I present the following ten team core values which
represent those values of all my championship teams, I want to encourage
you to employ the athletes help in establishing their own team values, either
from the list I present or from those they deem essential. This helps to create
a stronger ‘buy-in” to the culture as well as a way to take accountability and
demonstrate ownership as well. Their list can stand alone or be integrated
into the several presented here from my work with championship teams.
Here is an example of how I recently did this with two of my teams,
the MLS pro team San Jose Earthquakes and Stanford University women’s
lacrosse. I divided them into three groups by position and in a circle, they
chose one core value that they felt was relevant to the team. These were
added to the coach’s core value and what resulted was a bundle of four core
values to be used by the entire team. They then added an additional four
values from the list I gave them for a total of eight core team values.
Feel free to experiment with this core value process and have fun
creating your identity together, a set of values to guide how you play,
compete and live your lives together. They are what you stand for, side by
side, no matter what the scoreboard tells us. They are the cultural essential
absolutes, around which all decisions are made.
This is the perfect time to segue into Part IV, which will be comprised
of time-honored and tested “big ten” team core values.
 BELIEF: No Fixed Limits, No Fixed Mind

Dream BIG and believe, because dreams do come true. To be an

overachiever, you have to be an over believer.
Coach Dabo Swinney

As I sit here writing this book I could be worried about the fact that I
do not have a publisher yet and do not know how it will happen. But I
intuitively believe it will happen. That is belief, the faith I have in others
recognizing the importance of this work and how it can make a substantial
difference in the lives of others.
Belief in a culture is systemic. It begins, according to Head Coach
Missy Meharg of the University of Maryland women’s field hockey, with the
understanding that “we are all in this together. We are family and knowing
that makes it easier to believe in who we are, what we can do and why we do
it.”
Anson Dorrance, talking with me about competitive belief, says that
with accomplishment comes confidence; and confidence leads to belief. It
must be in that order.
But what if you don’t have 22 national championships on your list of
accomplishments as Anson has? In Cindy Timchal’s culture, “we act ‘as-if’
we’re champions in practice, in games, in our meetings and affirm strongly
our belief that we are national champions.” We haven’t won one yet at the
USNA but we have come close. In my first season of work with the
“middies,” we went to the final four losing to Boston College by one goal in
the semi-finals. Navy wasn’t even ranked in the top 20 pre-season.
Continually affirming their greatness all season coupled with our cultural
core values and cultural wisdom we ‘went the distance’.”
There is an expression I use; what you believe you receive. We have
within ourselves all of what we need to accomplish extraordinary things.
The iconic bumblebee, it is too small, too heavy and has a low aerodynamic
structure, yet it can fly hundreds of miles in a single day.
I love to tell my teams that their opponent’s greatest advantage is your
lack of belief in yourselves. I then proceed to mention that this belief they
must have is not connected to outcomes or results. Their belief needs to
focus on all that they can control; the little things, their promises and their
culture. I say you may or may not win the game but you’ll compete like
crazy and play your very best. BELIEVE THAT!
IMPLEMENTATION:

Here’s how to coach the value of BELIEF with your culture:

 When you feel a sense of self-doubt and lack of belief, know

that you are probably concentrating too much on what you
can’t control: the outcomes, results, points or goals scored.
Refocus, instead, on believing in the following:

 Believe in yourself and your team and staff. You have skills,
strategies, and enough talent to perform well. Simply show
up at your even and believe that you can demonstrate your
current level of expertise. Believe that you are in a position
where the best will happen. Expect to have fun and enjoy the
process. Believe you will be better because of the
experience.

 Believe in your teammates or partners. Believe that they,

too, are willing to do all they can to make the most of a
situation. Have discussions in the group about commitment
and desire with regard to going all-out and giving your best.
Believe that you are there for each other, and when the going
gets tough you’re willing to even bleed for each other.

 Believe that your coaches and leaders have the same goals
and desires as you and the team, and will work endlessly to
give of themselves and do all that’s needed in order for
everyone to experience their full potential.

 Believe that achievement is yours when you believe all of

the above. Expect to achieve higher levels of performance.
Believe you will have a great experience and terrific season
as you put yourself and your teammates and coworkers in
position to be the best all of you can be.

 Believe in the need to start doing that you’re not doing in

order to strengthen your belief in yourself. What do you
need to stop doing that you are doing in order to strengthen
your belief in yourself?
 According to psychologist John Lilly, “beliefs are limits to be
examined and transcended.” The ancient Chinese book, THE TAO TE
CHING, teaches us that “evolved individuals have no fixed minds.”
Examine the ways your mind is fixed and implement change using the
following affirmations:

What I believe, I receive.

When I believe “I can,” it’s self-direction not self-deception.
When I act “as if,” I get a lift.
My potential is unlimited. I believe this.

William James, the brilliant American philosopher, once said that

“human beings, by changing the inner beliefs of their minds, can change the
outer aspects of their lives.”
 COMPETITIVENESS: Playing with Hair on Fire

Getting to the final four was not expected. In our culture we never show up
to win because the outcomes cannot be controlled and focusing on winning
will make you tense and tight. In our culture we show up to simply compete
by controlling all the little things brilliantly such as diving for the 50/50 ball
and tenacious defense. We did this and let the results take care of themselves.
We competed like crazy with our hair on fire.
Coach Cindy Timchal

Coach Timchal had seven consecutive national championship

Lacrosse teams at the University of Maryland. Now at the U.S Naval
Academy, Cindy asked me to consult with her and put into place a similar
strong competitive culture, as we had done in Maryland. And compete they
did.
Unranked from the start of the season, Navy executed the little things
brilliantly and marched into the final four beating highly ranked Loyola,
Penn and two-time national champions University of North Carolina on
UNC’s home field simply, as Cindy would say, “by competing like crazy.”
With gut and relentless play, Navy never gave up and never gave their
opponent permission to interfere with their mission, which was to stay
competitive and play with “heart from the start,” a mantra I developed as
part of this culture of fierce warriors. They didn’t win the championship but
they were champions because they won the day.
Steve Kerr’s Golden State Warriors took a similar path during their
2014-15 season. One of the Warriors core values is competitiveness. This
element came into focus during the NBA Finals when they were down 2
games to 1 and playing game 4 on the Cleveland Cavaliers home court. The
media blitz was out of control, going off about how this was a “must win”
game, do or die. All focus was on the uncontrolled outcome, building
enormous pressure and angst that certainly would detract from playing their
best. On an afternoon stroll on the streets of Cleveland prior to the game,
Steve called to talk with me about how they might get a better perspective
on this highly emotionally packed situation.

Here is what I suggested to Coach Kerr:

 The difference between the really good teams and those who
are extraordinary is simply this:
When a good team shows up, their focus is on the outcomes and
results and stats and they feel they must win the Championship
to justify their greatness.
When this happens, they get tight, tense and tentative trying to
control what they can’t and as a result, confidence diminishes
and performance suffers.
The truly extraordinary teams show up to compete and win the
day, an item they can control; they then feel relaxed, are calm
and focused. As a result, their confidence rises (we are all
confident when we can control something), and their
performance soars. Competitiveness for the Warriors is crashing
the boards, sprinting your lanes, boxing out, diving for the
50/50 ball, playing in-your-face defense PLUS all the other
ways that the Warriors compete. It is the belief that when we
execute these details the results take care of themselves.
Then I gave Steve a good affirmation for the team to use: when
we compete we are difficult to beat. You guys did this all season
long so I ask you: why change this just because it’s the
playoffs? Nothing gargantuan is needed now…You simply need
to execute the little essential absolutes brilliantly rather than the
big brilliant things marginally and that’s a way to win the day.

Kerr is brilliant and he knew all of this, yet like all of us, he needed
the reminder amid all the media chaos. His humble, authentic response was:
“It’s exactly what I needed to hear, Jerry. I will use your advice and give it to
the team to help them relax and compete and have fun controlling what they
can. Thanks so much for this wonderful advice.” The Warriors convincingly
handled the CAVS that evening. In a follow up call, Steve mentioned how
his boys “broke the code in game 4. We are back to being us.” They rode this
wave to winning the NBA Championship in his first year as head coach.
According to Coach John Wooden, competitiveness is simply a
process rather than a product like results or outcomes. Otherwise, he says,
you become emotionally tight and mentally weak. Coach Wooden says, “I
never mentioned winning or victory…never referred to beating an
opponent.” He would strongly urge his guys to strive for the satisfaction that
“always comes from knowing you did the best you could to become the best
of which you are capable.” He just emphasized effort, never the final score,
as a measure of an athlete’s competitiveness.
Coach Pete Carroll of the champion Seattle Seahawks is an
extraordinary leader who has a similar philosophy to coach Wooden about
competitiveness. To him, it’s not about beating others. It is about pushing
yourself by identifying and committing to execute all the little things. Quin
Snyder, coach of the NBA Utah Jazz, refers to these little things as the
“essential absolutes.” Carroll intimates how counterproductive it is to focus
on results. “We don’t talk about championships,” he says. “We talk about
performing our best.”
I asked Coach Carroll about his competitiveness and he said, “I
compete at everything.” That seems to be the essence of his system. He
mentioned how the culture is all about the relentless, tireless pursuit for the
competitive edge in practice and games alike.
Carolina soccer coach Anson Dorrance, winner of 22 NCAA
championships, talks about the defining aspect of his extraordinary program.
He told me, “The competitive cauldron is the pinnacle of our program…it
fosters a quality we can all possess and control. It is governed by self-
discipline and desire.” It’s how they win the day.
Coach Timchall’s practice is highly competitive. When you watch
them practice, it has all the energy and emotion of a championship game.
Like Anson’s program, Navy’s practice drills are designed to mimic big
games by enhancing a competitive nature. Yet Cindy tells me there is much
joy in these sessions along with much pain. She calls this “coaching it up”
by modeling in practice, what it will take to be champions…now! The
team’s favorite drill is called “Next Goal Wins.” Try this with your team and
watch how they turn up the competitive heat.
One of my favorite messages to give my teams is one I learned from
Sun-Tzu’s THE ART OF WAR, “The war is won before the battle begins.”
You accomplish this victory by a strong commitment before the game to
being competitive, focusing on the little things and executing them
brilliantly. I love to remind the coaches and athletes that the Latin root of
“compete” is to “seek together” our individual and collective greatness by
controlling what we can. How different this is from the word “competition”
which means to “compete against.”

IMPLEMENTATION:

To help my teams infuse the core value of competitiveness into their

culture, I invite them to identify their top 10 controllable little things that,
when performed well, enable them to compete at their highest level. Since
these “little things” vary by the position you play in sports like soccer,
lacrosse, field hockey and football, I will ask them to gather in groups by
position. For example, in lacrosse there will be defenders, middies and
attackers. In sports like tennis, golf and track, I will individualize the
exercise to each athlete; some of the absolutes will be universally
appropriate, others will be more personalized. When all of this is completed,
we ask the athletes that they promise to execute these top 10 ideas along
with the other promises (see section on Win the Game, Win the Day) and all
these promises become our cultural definition of what we mean by
competitiveness. I then ask the coaches to be sure to define success, not by
the scoreboard, but by how proficient and effective the athletes are in being
competitive, in demonstrating the promises and this essential core value and
reward them for achieving these little things. It’s how they win the day.
The following strong, affirmative action plan could be an awesome
banner for your culture: On this team, we compete like crazy with our hair
on fire. When we compete we’re difficult to beat.
 FEARLESSNESS: Feel Free and Fly

You play good teams so they can tell you where you need repairs. It has
always been my philosophy to schedule losses. Nothing galvanizes a team
like being beaten.
Anson Dorrance, UNC Women’s Soccer, 22 NCAA Championships

Anson and his fearless warriors visited the West coast recently to
compete with two very, very good teams in Santa Clara and at Stanford. The
Tarheels lost both contests. Thinking he could be discouraged, I gave him a
call – we’re friends – to hear his take on the weekend results. His response
was typical Anson, who has a positive spin (see the value “Positivity”) on
everything. I quoted his words above. Remember his astute, insightful words
the next time you’re afraid of losing or feeling badly after you do lose. To
win the day cultures, loss, setbacks, errors and mistakes are opportunities to
learn, grow, correct weaknesses and be a better team because of it.
I emphasize to coaches and athletes that fear is the greatest obstacle to
all high-level performance and competitive problems. Fear tells me that a
coach, athlete or entire team is too focused on outcomes and results. In a win
the day culture, we focus on just that…win the day by focusing on what we
can control (previously discussed in Part I). Understand that fear definitely
weakens you. Muscles tighten up, cutting off sufficient oxygen and as a
result, makes it difficult to be fluid and inhibits the body’s ability to execute
its innate intelligence creating poor performances. In addition, fear interferes
with your natural ability to focus, relax and be mindful about the task at
hand.

IMPLEMENTATION:

In win the day culture, we strive to create mentally and emotionally

safe environments (see Power of Environment in the Relationship Game)
free of fear over failure, mistakes, messing up, being ridiculed or insulted. I
teach coaches how to implement such an environment to help athletes get
beyond this unnecessary, paralyzing fear. Here’s how I do it: I offer the
athletes the chance to practice being BRAVE. In his inspirational book on
Native American wisdom, The Lakota Way, Joseph Marshall III tells us how
“being brave is having or displaying courage during hardship, or being
strong in the face of pain and uncertainty.” His suggestion for implementing
bravery is to identify someone who is brave and basically imitate the
behaviors. If you follow long enough you’ll learn to be fearless and have the
courage to raise your level. I have used his strategy successfully from the
moment I learned this from him.
In addition to this, the following will help you to guide your athletes
toward being brave and fearless:

1. I tell them about the ancient Buddhist expression: “The arrow that
hits the bull’s eye is the result of 100 misses.
2. Failure is our greatest teacher. I disclose how several of my books
were rejected several times by publishers, yet I learned and re-
wrote those books and they became best sellers. Share with your
athletes, your personal failures, how you learned from them and
became better for it.
3. I ask you to ask those you lead, three questions following a loss or
setback:
a. What went well?
b. What needs work? (avoid what went wrong – it’s reactive, not
proactive)
c. Why are we a better team, athletes, culture because of that
failure?
4. I intend to read the Anson quote to all my teams for now on, when
they experience a setback.

Now that our environment begins to feel safe and fear is mitigated, I
tell the team: There is only ONE decision to make. Do you want to feel
FEAR or do you want to feel FREE? Of course, we all desire the latter.
Being free of worry, fear, anxiety, and stress enables us all to take it to a new
level. To further help you release the fear, I ask you to never judge an
outcome. We’re so quick to get down on ourselves for a loss. What did
Anson say? Last year while working with Stanford women’s lacrosse, the
athletes were judging our two losses to the University of Colorado as bad,
awful, crushing. I told them in our meeting – don’t judge this. Then we
answered the above three questions and I said, we’ll meet them again – and
we did in the finals of the newly formed PAC-12 Conference on CU’s home
field. We crushed them 15-6 as we let go of all fear and simply focused on
how to be free.
The other ideas I have for lessening fear in your culture are: remember
the RIVER Effect, the LUV acronym and the Oneness Rule, previously
discussed. When athletes feel the LOVE, their fear evaporates. In fact, fear
never exists when there is love.
According to Taoist thought, approaching fear in this way is aligned
with the principle of Wu Wei, a way of working with fear by blending with
its own force. Wu Wei is effortless action, whereby you accept the natural
way (it’s natural to have fear) and exert the least amount of energy possible
when faced with such a situation. Don’t fight fear or try to run away from it.
Listen to its message so you can make adjustments and be free.
Realize, as well, that sometimes fear is not fear, but an obsession with
outcomes that cannot be controlled. Therefore, remember this: FEAR stands
for False Evidence Appearing Real. If you feel you are in danger, ask
yourself why you feel that way. Have you prepared well? Do you have all
the information you need? Are you out of your comfort zone? Assess the
situation and decide what to do. To help you gain a perspective on your fear
when it looms large, I suggest remembering the wise words of Bob Dylan:
“What looks large from a distance, close up ain’t never that big.”
It never feels good to lose, experience setbacks, and make mistakes or
fail. Having had much failure in my life, I notice that although it may cause
disappointment at the time, all that I am today is the result of learning from
such experiences. The win the day culture understands that, in this way,
when we lose, we also win.

The other side of every fear is freedom

Alan Watts, Author and Philosopher
 GRIT: Hanging Tough, Playing Rough

At various points, in big ways and small, we get knocked down. If we stay
down, grit loses. If we get up, grit prevails.
Angela Duckworth, American Psychologist and Author

Perhaps more than any other characteristic of successful people is the

quality of grit. Every one of the 115 champion team cultures I’ve been
associated with demonstrated grit. Angela Duckworth’s classic book relates
to athletics and overall performance. GRIT is the paragon of this genre. I
highly recommend you read it to get the best handle on this essential core
value. Right from the outset, she explains that “highly successful people
gave a ferocious determination…they were unusually resilient and
hardworking…they knew in a very deep way what it was they wanted. It
was this combination of passion and perseverance that made high achievers
special. In a word, they had grit.”
As a competitive distance runner for many years, I admired the
mentality of the great Steve Prefontaine. I still remember his words prior to a
big race when he said, and I paraphrase, “they may beat me but they’ll have
to bleed to do it.” That is grit.
In her book, Angela tells the story about the Grammy Award-winning
actor Will Smith and his ridiculous work ethic, his grit. He explains it this
way: “if we get on a treadmill together, two things could happen: you’re
getting off first or I’m going to die. It’s that simple.”
Coach Bob Hansen of the Middlebury College tennis program tells a
story about the grit of one of his athletes. It was Spring break, he had a job,
he practiced his tennis yet still turned up the volume of life by taking a
simple “breather class” and still spend 24 hour writing a paper for his
project. According to Bob, he was an “all-in” guy wanting to get the most
from himself. This is grit.
In the culture of Anson Dorrance, grit is related to character; real
personal character is what he calls it. Included in such character traits is self-
discipline, competitive fire, self-belief, love for the ball and love for the
game, watching or playing it. He loves Duckworth’s GRIT TEST (included
in her book) and requires all his athletes to take it to determine who has grit
and to teach them through such a test, the elements that make up grit. Like
Anson, I believe that being mindful of what grit truly is, raises the possibility
that you can develop it within yourself. I also believe that if you have
passion and perseverance, you demonstrate grit. However, these qualities
cannot be legislated by you, the coach. The athlete must want to have grit.
Knowing that Angela Duckworth visited the Seahawks training camp,
I brought up the element of Grit in my conversation with Coach Pete Carroll.
He agreed that it was about passion, perseverance and, he added, the
eagerness to “hang tough.” He told me how they look for guys who have
grit. It’s the mindset that they’ll always succeed, that they have something to
prove. “We look for their resilience, not letting setbacks hold the m back.
We’re not going to be thrown off by challenges and hurdles.” It’s an attitude
he calls grit.
In my win the day culture, we never give up, we never fear failure, we
never lost confidence and we never let an opponent defeat our spirits (see
Part I). Cindy Timchal’s teams are the epitome of grit. In a recent
conversation she admitted to me that our work together on grit was the one
key factor in getting them to the women’s lacrosse final four last year. Go
back to the section on “Win the Game or Win the Day” and implement the
same ideas that Cindy is referring to with your team. This will help build
grit.
Legendary NFL champion Coach Bill Walsh of the San Francisco
49’ers had a strong conviction about his guys being “gritty.” He referred to it
as being resilient (see core value on resilience). In his words, “to succeed
you must fail which is part and parcel of pursuing and achieving very
ambitious goals.” I remember when his team was on an eight-game losing
streak early on in his tenure with the Niners. After a dark, dismal period,
rather than give up he discovered something inside (Grit) that helped the
team to keep fighting regardless of their record. The next season they won
the Super Bowl.
While so many coaches and athletes seem to think that greatness is the
result of talent, I refuse to accept this myth. Believing it is talent let’s you off
the hook – “I don’t have the talent so that’s why I’m not great.” It becomes
an excuse to not work hard. From my experience with all of my
championship teams plus those championship teams of the coaches
throughout this book, I’ve observed that a majority of them won with grit,
not talent alone. When I was a competitive athlete, I had less talent than
many but few, if any, could outwork me.

IMPLEMENTATION:

THE WAY OF CHAMPIONS teaches how to win the day which is built
on a bedrock of grit. The book you’re holding right now will teach you much
of what you need to know about grit. The core values presented throughout
are the foundational building blocks of grit: always compete, never give up,
be all you can be, use positive self-talk, persevere, have passion and demand
more from yourself. Remember this – when you demonstrate grit, you
enhance the grit in others which in turn, feeds back into your own grit. It’s a
contagious, never ending cycle.
If you asked me, “Jerry, how can I build grit in myself and my
athletes?” my answer would be, attend to all the above and connect with
your “WHY.” Why have grit? If your answer to WHY is that grit helps you
to give to others, to make a difference, to create profound, lasting change, to
connect with others, to be a happier person, to do what matters…your grit
factor will rise exponentially.
It seems appropriate that we conclude this segment where we began,
quoting the expertise of Angela Duckworth’s book GRIT.

I think the questions on the grit scale about not letting setbacks disappoint
you, finishing what you begin, doing things with focus, I think those are the
things I would hope for, for all our children.
 LOVE: Greatest Success Strategy of All

It takes a number of critical factors to win an NBA championship…talent,

creativity, intelligence, toughness and luck. But if a team doesn’t have the
most essential ingredient – LOVE – none of those factors matter.
Coach Phil Jackson

Some of the following you will find familiar. Repeating what was said
in the section on The Relationship Game is intentional and useful. Repetition
with variation is the mother of learning and the father of absorption as well.
We can’t hear too much about, as Phil said above, the most essential
ingredient of a championship culture.
Grambling State football coach Eddie Robinson claimed that the
secret to his success was love. Coaching is a profession of love. You can’t
coach athletes unless you love them. When you do, you win the day.
When legendary basketball coach John Wooden retired, one reporter
asked him about his extraordinary success that hasn’t been matched to this
day. It didn’t take but a second for Wooden to reply: “There was a lot of love
in my coaching.”
The world’s most successful women’s soccer coach, Anson Dorrance
of the University of North Carolina women’s soccer dynasty, in a recent
conversation together, talked about the importance of love as a core value in
his championship culture. “We care about each other as teammates and as
human beings.” In his classic book, THE VISION OF A CHAMPION, he
points out how his athletes become non-judgmental inclusive friends who
embrace each other in love because of their humanity with no elitist
separation by academics or social class, race, religion or sexual preferences.
This is one way the athletes win the day.
Working with Cindy Timchal, women’s Lacrosse coach with the most
wins of all time, and her University of Maryland national championship
teams, the value of love was palpable. Prior to every practice and game,
we’d come together in a team circle, symbolic of being one heart, one soul
and chant “we come together, we win together, we lose together, we compete
together, we love each other.” I still believe that our affirmation of love
verbally translated into how we gave our hearts physically and emotionally
to the culture that won seven consecutive national championships. Twenty
years removed, we still remain friends who maintain the love we nurtured
which impacts all of the work we do for so many others in life. That mantra
was an affirmation to win the day. It also demonstrated caring and
connections within the whole culture.
Over the years, I have grown and evolved as a coach. It’s my love for
my work and the cultures that employ me that I attribute to my success. This
love for others tears down barriers, rips off masks and helps me to connect
deeply with athletes and coaches. It is this genuine and authentic love and
connection that I believe is responsible for creating loyalty to the culture,
inspires athletes to “go the distance” and empowers them to be mentally
strong. The core value of LOVE is perhaps the most extraordinary success
strategy.
It has been said athletes really don’t care about how much you know;
they just want to know how much you care. Yet at times we all feel
frustrated, annoyed, disappointed and turned off by some of our athletes. It’s
easy to love the awesome ones who do everything perfectly well. But we
must love them all if we wish to be effective. While we don’t have to like
their behaviors, we can find a place in our hearts to love them for who they
are: human beings just like us. Their intentions are often pure, but fear,
insecurity, immaturity and confusion cloud the mission of the culture. The
real challenge in creating a championship culture is to coach these difficult
athletes to places they’ve never been but crave, through genuine caring,
connection and love.

IMPLEMENTATION:

I was told by another coach that love is not a commodity; it’s a

capacity. I took this to mean that love is the capacity to connect and care. At
my annual transformative coaching conferences, I offer coaches simple yet
powerful ways to connect and care and love. I tell them to fight for the
athletes’ heart. To do this, I suggest they catch the athletes doing something
right.
Jen Cook, Lacrosse coach at Carolina, blew her whistle every time one
of the girls made a mistake. Jen was getting nowhere with this player. When
I gave her this new strategy, she implemented it for three days. On the fourth
day, as she entered her office she was greeted with a bouquet of roses with a
note: “Thanks coach. These last few days have been the best days at practice
in three years.” This athlete transformed before our eyes because of the love
she felt each day from her coach who now coached with a “whistle of love.”
She won the day.
Another suggestion I often make is asking others to liberally use my
“Oneness Rule.” Simply implemented, you and your staff choose one
athlete, give them one positive comment and do this one day at a time. It’s
infectious and I notice that everyone who tries this can’t stop at one. They
break the code.
In this electronic age, I find it effective to use my devices to email or
text my teams and individual athletes about something positive that I notice.
I do this regularly and I usually get lots of love in return.
Finally, for now, try the magic acronym, L.U.V. (love) to win the
hearts of your athletes. L is for listen, the most powerful skill in your
leadership toolbox. U is for understanding by asking questions that show
interest in others as people. V is to validate when their responses to your
questions are statements demonstrating positive reactions and commendable
thoughts and ideas.
Sun-Tzu, in his ancient classic THE ART OF WAR, emphasizes the
importance of love for success. He strongly encourages Taoist leaders and
generals to take care of the troops as they would take care of a child who
was loved. He says that by loving others, the chances of victory are greatly
enhanced.
Mother Teresa’s words on the value of love say it all: “When we come
face to face with God, we are going to be judged on how much we loved.”
And how often we won the day.
Now, I leave you with some refreshing new thoughts about love from
my last conversation with Missy Foote, the iconic Middlebury College
women’s lacrosse coach and winner of four national championships; this is
so beautifully stated:

“It’s really all about LOVE, isn’t it? for many years I carried
with me in my coaching clipboard (and now in my wallet) a
printed, laminated copy of the Irish proverb, ‘It is in the shelter
of each other that the people live’ to remind me that our love
shelters our family and friends. As a coach and a servant leader
my obligation was to help a group of individuals come together
to be the best they could be. It wasn’t until I realized however
that the ONLY way to help people reach their potential was
through love and compassion that I became a better coach. I
hope my players feel that I loved them because I did.”
 MINDFULNESS: Dwelling in the Simple Present

If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to

everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the
expert’s mind there are few.
Shunryu Suzuki, ZEN MIND, BEGINNER’S MIND

Coach Steve Kerr, 3x World Champion Golden State Warriors knows

about an empty, beginner’s mind. While it’s easy to put him in the role of
expert as head coach of an NBA team, he remains wide open to anything. A
huge part of his success in life could be attributed to his eagerness to “pick
the brains” of others and learn from them what he must know to be a better
coach. In all my conversations with Steve, I get a deep sense of his humble,
mindful beginner’s mind, coupled with his willingness to say “I don’t know”
leaving the door wide open for me to enter and contribute my opinions on
his concerns. It is no wonder that one of the Warrior’s four core values is
Mindfulness, mindful of the right way to do things. I vividly remember an
email exchange we had during the playoff season when he had a question
about a competitive issue. His humble, beginner’s mind, open-hearted,
mindful response to me was: “Thanks Jerry. It’s exactly what I needed to
hear. I need to use your advice and help our team to relax, be mindful and
enjoy the competition.” And mindful they were on their way to the first of
three championships in four years.
Of course, one of Steve Kerr’s mentors happened to be Phil Jackson,
the master of using mindful meditation with his Bulls and Lakers teams on
his way to winning a collective eleven rings. In Phil’s book by the same
name, ELEVEN RINGS: THE SOUL OF SUCCESS, he devotes several
detailed pages on his thoughts about and use of the ZEN MIND,
BEGINNER’S MIND approach to his team’s performance. To help his
players on both teams to quiet the chatter of their minds and focus on the
competitive nature of the game, he introduced both teams to the concept of
mindfulness meditation, based on the Zen practice he learned years ago. He
would get the players to sit in a room for ten or so minutes together. He
called it “the warrior room.” He wasn’t trying to make them into Buddhist
monks; it was to bring them close and bonded at the heart. All the athletes
who took part in this voluntary exercise loved it. It was a special, unified
group who were, in the words of Vietnamese teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh
“dwelling happily in the present moment,” with quiet, simple and clear
minds. Jackson found through such practice that when athletes marinate
themselves fully in the moment, they develop a deeper, stronger awareness
(mindfulness) of what’s happening right now, in the present moment. And in
Jackson’s words this “leads to a greater sense of oneness, the essence of
teamwork.”
Here’s an inspirational story about mindfulness meditation. During the
Chinese cultural revolution during the 1960’s, pianist Lias Shih-Kun was
incarcerated for six years in prison, no piano, no paper to write with. Before
entering his isolated solitary confinement, he was brutally worked over by
one of the Red Guards, cracking bones in his arms. During his incarceration
he “practiced” his music in his head, mindfully visualizing himself playing
at a high level over and over. He even composed a concerto and kept it
memorized. In 1973, following his release from jail, Liu played before his
peers and was deemed to be even better than before he went to prison. Thus,
the power of mindfulness meditation.
And, my WAY OF CHAMPIONS business helps others to win the day
by using mindfulness training with all coaches, teams, and athletes. I want to
make sure that you understand how mindfulness training is a tool for living
whether on the court, at work, or at home. I incorporate a meditation practice
into my daily life as part of my win the day program (see Epilogue).
In my work with highly functional high school, collegiate and
professional athletic teams and coaches, I train them to use meditation prior
to practice and games. This helps them to get more out of their practice
sessions and be more centered and focused on executing the game plan more
effectively. This consistent practice of mindful meditation is exactly what
was used by the Taoist warrior who sought to “settle” his mind for what
became an undisturbed performance. I also encourage individual athletes to
consider practicing meditation each night for five minutes after brushing
their teeth before going to bed.

IMPLEMENTATION:

There is an ancient Taoist proverb that states: “If you know the art of
breathing you have the strength of ten tigers.” Over the years I have trained
thousands of coaches and athletes to have tiger strength using a 2500 year
old form of Buddhist meditation called Vipassana, a Pali word that when
translated means insight. This meditation practice relies on the awareness
that breathing is happening and using the breath as a focal point to quiet
what Buddhists call the “Monkey Mind.” This meditative state of mind, this
still point, is a sacred space that raises awareness, makes movement
effortless, and confidence more robust. It helps us to find balance and keep it
on our lives. It is a source of positive energy and keeps us connected to our
cultural mission, win the day. It has a direct positive influence on your
culture and overall effectiveness, when practiced by you, your team, and
athletes and contributes to higher more satisfying levels of performance.
If you’re ready, begin with eyes closed, in a quiet place, free from
interference, sit comfortably in a chair with back straight and feet on the
floor. Drop arms into your lap.

1. BEGIN BY taking three deep, controlled breaths, holding the

oxygen in your lungs for three seconds before you exhale.
Notice how this procedure as an instant effect on your body and
mind, relaxing you immediately. Then, stop and return to
normal breathing.
2. SIMPLY NOTICE that breathing is happening. Watch it come in
and go out. Do not control its natural flow other than to have it
go through the nostrils.
3. WHEN YOUR mind wanders – and it will – simply acknowledge
it and direct it back by saying “wandering, come back.” Don’t
be concerned about the wandering: it’s natural. In fact, the act
of being aware of the wandering and bringing your attention
back to the breath, actually helps you to develop strong
attention skills when performing, coaching, or competing in
everyday life. It develops what we call Meta attention.
Wandering is an integral aspect to the full meditation practice.
4. DO THIS “breath watching” for about eight minutes, then switch
gears and begin to visualize by feeling yourself being how you
wish to be at work, performing, coaching, competing,
parenting, writing…whatever it is that you do. Visualize for
about four minutes.
5. FOLLOWING YOUR visualization, recite a few short, positive
affirmations that nurture and support your visualizations.
Unlike visualizations which involve how you feel and what you
see, these strong statements influence what you say and, more
importantly, how you think. Thoughts strengthen or weaken you
and determine the direction in which you go. Affirmations are
spiritual gems that keep you on the path to coach with heart.
Write them out on index cards and as you recite them, feel the
words as if they are real and happening now.
 You may have noticed that animals instinctively know and use a
method of stillness in nature. They all meditate. Observe the heron poised
motionless on one leg, the monkey climbing to the uppermost branch, the
snake basking in the warmth of the summer sun, or the cat lying on a pillow,
eyes focused on a small object. Such stillness prepares the inner
environment for a deep, peaceful meditative state.
With reference to helping his athletes foster team cohesion and gain a
sense of unity, Phil Jackson applauds the value of mindfulness meditation in
facilitating them to break out of their me-oriented attitudes and gives them
the opportunity to consider going to a more we-orientation.
In so doing, in his brilliant book referenced earlier: ELEVEN RINGS: THE
SOUL OF SUCCESS, he quotes the thirteenth-century Japanese Buddhist
teacher Nichiren:

If the spirit of many in body but one in mind prevails among the people, they
will achieve all their goals; whereas if one in body but different in mind, they
achieve nothing remarkable.

Tying all this together I will say that mindfulness is about waking up
to the present moment to experience the vitality of life and do that on a more
consistent basis. It can help you to see clearly and act more appropriately
when it comes to being the best you can be. (The Chinese symbols for
mindfulness, when translated, mean “music from the heart as we become
fully awakened with all of our sensory perceptions.”) Mindfulness has strong
implications for our actions, performance and decisions in all the arenas of
athletics. In his book, The Mindful Athlete, pro basketball athlete George
Mumford states that “pure performance starts with the mind. What’s in and
on your mind determines how well you perform.” In Buddhism, we learn
about the “monkey mind” I mentioned earlier. This scattered focus can be
tamed to stay in the here and now through a more mindful approach.
While the notion of mindfulness is closely aligned with the roots of
ancient Buddhist teaching, I think of it as a powerful way to practice being
awake and aware of thoughts and actions as they appear in the present
moment. (It is actually a very simple concept of knowing what you are
doing, how you are doing it and why, while understanding how your actions
influence others in a profound way to practice mindfulness.) Its essence is
universal and you need not be a Zen Buddhist monk, sitting Za Zen on a
mountain top to practice being aware and present. Mindfulness has actually
become profoundly relevant in mainstream America, being embraced by
hospitals helping patients to heal, military group wanting to focus,
educational systems hoping to facilitate learning, musicians wishing to be
more present, actors trying to stay in the moment. So can we all.
 PERSEVERANCE: Enduring Effort, Consistent Strength

Imagine the comfort knowing that by never giving up you will have livedlife
to the fullest…such peace of mind is often reward enough.
Bill Bradley, All Star NBA Athlete

In the WIN THE DAY philosophy, our athletic goals are reached each
day, one day at a time, not by our strength or talents but by our core value
PERSEVERANCE. I’m not the most scholarly, brilliant writer but I never
quit. It’s frustrating and often discouraging if not disappointing when my
book proposals get rejected. My best seller, THINKING BODY, DANCING
MIND, was rejected for publication 13 times before I found someone who
believed in it. After the first five refusals, I almost quit…gave up. I’m happy
I didn’t because it is now printed in many languages throughout the world
and after 28 years of being published, I still collect a healthy check for
royalties twice a year. As I write these words today, my agent has not found
a publisher. But I persevere and go forward, knowing that some lucky
publisher will find it. Obviously, it has a home…you’re holding it.

IMPLEMENTATION:

What helps me persevere in these challenging situations, and this may

be true for you as well, is the passion and love I have for my work, my
intention to change the status quo in sports and my mission to make a
difference in your life. Also, perseverance is tied to the hip of grit which we
talked about recently. I have grit…I always get up when knocked down. To
persevere, you need purpose, resilience, tenacity and a growth mindset. In
the words of G.B. Shaw, I “Dream things that never were and ask why not?”
It helps to develop a ferocious determination as you keep putting one foot in
front of the other. But the bottom line is this: without passion there is no way
to persevere.
When you follow your heart, your deepest love and desire, you will
meet the caravan coming in a different direction that has all you need to
continue. When you follow your passion the universe will open doors where
there were only walls.” You need passion if you hope to persevere.
In his beautiful, brilliantly written simple fable THE ALCHEMIST,
Paulo Coelho tells the story of a young man crossing a vast wasteland on the
desert and describes how he gave up just prior to the palm trees appearing on
the horizon. He didn’t know, like many athletes, how close he was to
success.
As part of the win the day culture, (see Win the Game, Win the Day)
you never, ever give up. It’s one of your promises to yourself, your team, the
staff and your family. It is a Choice! When you buy-in to this cultural
promise, there is no turning around. You must continue the journey and the
team is there to support and encourage and inspire you.
Dean Smith, Bill Walsh and John Wooden might no longer be with us
but their teachings about perseverance have lasted to this day and beyond.
Students of theirs teach it regularly through their example. Athletes like
Michael Jordan, Joe Montana and Kareem Abdul Jabbar continue their
coaches’ legacy in the “never give up” mindset demonstrated by their lives.
Coaches like Pete Carroll, Steve Kerr and Anson Dorrance have made
perseverance an integral aspect of their championship cultures. I notice that
in many of their all-star athletes. When in a recent terrible slumps, both Klay
Thompson and Steph Curry never gave up and overcame the hard times.
They remind me of the wisdom of the Chinese book, I CHING, the book of
change: “The warrior accomplishes significant deeds through enduring effort
in a consistent direction.”
Staying close to the Chinese theme, the calligraphic characters they
use for perseverance illustrate strength and unwavering groundedness in the
spirit of the performer. When you handle suffering with a warrior’s heart,
eventual success will be your reward. While talent is important, know that it
accounts for a mere 5 percent of most achievements. Confucius encourages
us to not lose heart until the task is complete through steadfast movement on
the win the day path.
In his autobiography, WIN FOREVER, Pete Carroll talks specifically
about the power of perseverance in his life. He says that “once you have
done the work to create a clear vision, it is the discipline and the effort to
maintain that vision that can make it all come true…it’s the diligence with
which you stick to that vision that allows you to get there.”
Leaning once again on the wisdom of the Native American Lakota
story teller, Joseph Marshall III, you can’t truly succeed without
perseverance. On the brink of extinction, the buffalo survived by
persevering.
 POSITIVITY: Changing Thoughts, Changing Lives

A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and

outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.
Wade Boggs, World Champion, MLB

Anson Dorrance, in a recent conversation, related to me how in his

Carolina culture, “we choose to be positive. Nothing can depress or upset
this powerful and positive life force…not mood swings, not even negative
circumstances affect this rock. We don’t whine or cause drama.” The
operative word in his statement is “choose.” It is a choice and we control
that decision.
I can attest to the universality of his words with other championship
coaches I’ve influenced over the years. All of the Hall of Fame coaches who
have contributed to this book win the day through their relentless pursuit of a
strong positive environment on and off the court. Coach Dean Smith was
one of these leaders who used positivity to influence his players. As a result
they learned to be more confident, develop their loyalty and play tough.
During time-outs of close games he was particularly positive with phrases
like: “Have some fun,” or “I love being in this situation.” Whether they won
or lost the game, his positivity made the athletes feel respected and their
dignity upheld. In his book, THE CAROLINA WAY, he tells us how “I
believe strongly in positive reinforcement…we praised behavior that we
wanted to see repeated.”
I love being in the company of Bob Hansen, Middlebury College
tennis coach. He claims that all of his championships were deeply influenced
by the contagious, on and off the court environment of positivity he built
over his years as a coach.
Prior to victory getting them into a final four, the NAVY women’s
lacrosse team needed one goal to finish off their opponent. With a free
position eight meter shot waiting to be taken, Cindy Timchal looked at the
shooter during a time out and told her: “I know you’ll score but even if not,
remember we will still love you.” The young freshman stepped up to the
hash mark and drained a rocket into the upper right hand corner of the cage,
putting here team into the championship weekend.
IMPLEMENTATION:

In my work with win the day cultures I positively encourage coaches

to catch athletes doing something right. The whistle is an effective coaching
and teaching tool. If you, as a coach, are a whistle blower and you see that as
a deterrent to your athletes’ forward progress, I will remind you of the story I
told in the section LOVE, about Jen Cook, coaching lacrosse at Carolina.
Her shift from blowing a whistle at an athlete’s mistake to waiting for an
athlete to show their greatness and then blowing the whistle completely
changed the atmosphere on the playing field and beyond for every athlete on
the team.
Positivity can change a life. One small comment at the right time can
direct you to your calling. I again refer to what I wrote in THE
RELATIONSIHP GAME where I shared examples of the Power of Love in
coaching. You will recall my Oneness Rule, and the positive impact this can
have on each of your athletes. I will never forget how one college
professor’s comment had such a positive impact on my life with just a few
words. I encourage you and your staff to choose one athlete each day, once
each day and give them one positive comment for doing something right. It’s
easy, simple, controllable and contagious. You could change an entire life. It
happened to me.
Positivity begins with your thoughts; thoughts are expressed with
words; words direct your behavior. Your words can strengthen or weaken
you. They have an energy all their own. The direction you go on or off one
court is determined by your choice of words. The training program of the
U.S. Navy Seals knows this to be true. They claim that positive words are
one of the most important elements of success. They teach how positivity
bridges the gap between where you are and where you go.
There is a well-known Native American story about the value of
positivity. It is a Cherokee legendary tale and it goes like this:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is

going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil –
he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity,
guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and
ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love,
hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy,
generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going
 on in you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply
replied, “The one you feed.”

To teach and coach the value of positivity in your culture, remember

the Oneness Rule and the River Effect, previously discussed and catch
someone doing something right. In addition to that, take a page from the
playbook of the U.S. Navy Seals who make use of positive affirmations in
their training. I have written about affirmations earlier and consider them to
be strong statements that create positive self-direction. They are one of the
cornerstones of building mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong
cultures. The Seals refer to these statements as their Internal Dialogue. Here
is an example I recently shared with Steve Kerr during playoff time: “We are
valiant brave Warriors and we dare you to stop us. We are relentless, we are
strong, we are fearless fighters.”
Feel free to implement a program of affirmations impacting the inner
dialogue of your athletes, using some of all of the following from my
championship cultures. They are aligned with all the strategies discussed in
this book, WIN THE DAY.

 WHEN WE COMPETE WE ARE DIFFICULT TO BEAT.

 I USE THE F.A.C.T.S. TO COMPETE AND LET THE RESULTS TAKE CARE OF
THEMSELVES. (FEARLESSNESS, AWARENESS, COMPETITIVENESS,
THOUGHTFULNESS, SELFLESSNESS…these will be thoroughly
explained as you continue reading.)
 I AM ALWAYS CONFIDENT…BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN EXECUTE ONLY
WHAT I CONTROL…COMPETING.
 I SHOW UP TO SIMPLY COMPETE AND NOT TRY TO CONTROL OUTCOMES.
 ALL MY MISTAKES AND SETBACKS ARE ACTUALLY GREAT TEACHERS. I
LEARN FROM THEM AND FORGE AHEAD AS A BETTER ATHLETE AND
PERSON.
 I REFUSE TO LET MY FEARS STAND IN THE WAY OF MY POTENTIAL.
 MY MISSION IS SIMPLE: TO DO MY BEST TODAY TO BE THE BEST I CAN BE
AND POSITION MYSELF FOR GREAT THINGS TO HAPPEN.
 WHEN I MAKE A MISTAKE I SAY, “THAT STINKS, I CAN DO BETTER…WATCH
ME, HERE I GO.”
 WE ARE A TOUCH, STRONG, FEARLESS BUNCH OF OUTRAGEOUS
WARRIORS, COMPETING WITH THE HEART OF A LION.
  WE REFUSE TO EVER, EVER GIVE UP REGARDLESS OF SCORE, POSITION OR
OPPONENT.
 YOU MAY DEFEAT ME ON THE SCOREBOARD BUT YOU CAN NEVER BEAT
MY FEARLESS, FIGHTING, DETERMINED SPIRIT.
 I AM AWARE OF THE POWER OF MY INFLUENCE AND MAKE IT POSITIVE.
 I AM THE STRONG POWERFUL INFLUENCE I WANT TO BE.
 WE DEDICATE OUR LIVES TO EACH OTHER, REFUSING TO LET ANYONE OF
US FAIL.
 THE ONLY WAY TO ACHIEVE OUR MISSION AND GOAL IS TO BE “ALL-IN”
AND ATTACK.
 ALL-IN BRINGS NOTHING LESS THAN SUCCESS. I LOCK THE BACK DOORS
AND CUT OFF ANY OPTION TO RETREAT.
 I FULLY COMMIT MYSELF, BODY, MIND, SPIRIT TO THE WORK AT HAND, TO
THE BROTHERS I LOVE.
 WE GO FROM “WORKING TOGETHER TO BEAT OUR OPPONENT” TO “LET’S
WORK TOGETHER TO COMPETE LIKE CRAZY DOING WHAT WE LOVE TO
DO.”

I suggest you have your athletes choose the ones that resonate with
them and put them on cards, one per card and/or place them in the most
visible way in the locker room. Read them out loud alone or in a group to
reinforce their power to direct your culture.
I leave you with the following quote that brings together the
importance of positivity upon your core values.

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior.
Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits.
Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi
 SUFFERING: Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Suffering is caused by wishing things were other than they are.

Gautama Buddha

The life of an athlete or coach is not easy; much suffering is part of

the journey. It can be excruciatingly painful being forced to become
uncomfortable in so many ways.
While this core value is an important aspect of the win the day culture,
I can honestly say that few coaches considered this value prior to my
initiating a discussion about it. Now all the teams in my career can see why I
call suffering a value…it’s valuable to help work with the inevitable
occurrence of suffering in sports.
We know that if you wish to improve, you need to suffer or become
uncomfortable. By its very nature, sports, while bringing joy and
satisfaction, evoke suffering in all of us: we sometimes have feelings of
frustration, fear, grief, sadness, regret, anger, anxiety, or despair. This is
exactly like life as a whole but more intense and occurring over a shorter
duration. Of course, you may suffer when you experience loss, failure,
setback and errors. You feel pain because your role on the team seems
meaningless. There’s the suffering of physical injury, getting less playing
time, reduced social life and if a student-athlete, you may suffer from
disappointment in your grades. Much is sacrificed when you choose to be a
coach or athlete. Soccer icon and World Cup champion Mia Hamm talks
about this sacrifice: “I am a member of a team. I defer to it and sacrifice for
it because the team, not the athlete is the ultimate champion.”

IMPLEMENTATION:

To coach others on the value of suffering, I simply teach a perspective

taken from other philosophies and cultures as well as my own life
experiences. That’s how I help others embrace a new counterintuitive
approach to this value. While suffering is often the gateway to
enlightenment, in athletics I say that it is the gateway to greatness.
Whenever you seek to experience higher levels of performance in any aspect
of life, get prepared to suffer. However, remember this: as you leave your
comfort zone, you’ll begin to feel how expansive your potential truly is.
 Buddhist thought tells us that we must accept suffering as a way of
life; this is the first of Four Noble Truths in Zen. All greatness, awareness,
and acute sensitivity are the natural outcomes of adversity and suffering.
There is a wonderful story of an elite university athlete who was at death’s
door due to a serious ailment. Following nine months in the hospital, he
recovered, and within a year he returned to his team. His awareness,
appreciation, and sensitivity enabled him to work extra hard on the field and
do more than was asked of him because he was enormously grateful to be
alive. His suffering had made him a better athlete, teammate, and person
while others on the team still cut corners, only working hard when the
coaches were present. The lessons he learned from his suffering changed his
entire outlook on life. Now he is called “the team Buddha.”
The win the day athlete and coach know that in suffering –
experiencing painful feelings or being uncomfortable – you begin to see the
more meaningful side of athletics and life. There is wisdom in the existential
experience of suffering. Deep appreciation is often the residual benefit.
When you can take this stance, you grow, learn, blossom, and connect with
your warrior within and experience your full human capacity.
To demonstrate to you my investment in the value and relevancy of
suffering, I’ve designed my brand logo with that in mind. When you read the
following, I hope you get a strong sense about the power of this warrior.
My business logo, prominently displayed on the back cover of this
book, is the Chinese character for WARRIOR. Since there is no word for
champion in Chinese I use the two interchangeably. All warriors are
champions and vice versa. This is a powerful, profound logo whose meaning
goes beyond simply identifying my company. While it is easily recognizable
in my national network in the field of athletics, it also identifies my purpose,
my belief, my way and the culture I create. It represents the “WHY” factor
of my work…and that is to make a difference, to change the status quo of
sports, to be a servant to others helping them to compete and coach with
heart, to be something other than ordinary as they navigate not only the
game of sport but the bigger game of life. It is a symbol for all this as well as
my core values that drive winning in a culture of champions. I recommend
that you observe this logo as you read and study the following:

The Chinese character in my logo shows the warrior’s

arms busting out of the red box. You can also see the legs at the
bottom stretching wide open to break out of the confined box.
Inside the red box, notice how all is black and white…this is
 myopic vision and thought. For example, functioning inside the
box when we see things as black and white we believe that all
loss is bad, soft is weak, opponents are our enemies, more is
better. The real Champion things outside the box…loss is our
greatest teacher, soft is often strong, opponents are our partners
providing a chance to see how good we really are, and less is
often more. Such outside the box thinking is emblematic of the
way of the warrior and the win the day champion.
You will notice that when the warrior breaks out, a
painful transformation occurs…things go from black and white
to gray, the zone of being open, ready and poised to battle freely
without fear. He expects noting and yet is ready for anything.
He learns from those losses and becomes stronger as a result.
The box is red. In Chinese, the color red means
transformation and fire. In life, anything that contacts fire
suffers and transforms. But like all change in life, all
evolvement, all greatness requires some pain, suffering, and
hard work. So the warrior knowing this approaches the fire,
works hard, suffers and comes out the other side transformed
and able to compete at a higher level. All greatness in sports
(and growth in life) demands that you suffer and the results will
come. The box being red also symbolizes love, passion and
heart. When you have these three ingredients present in
whatever you do, you are able to persist, persevere and believe
that through all the suffering all is possible on your personal
and collective journey of discovering your greatness.

The following is my interpretation of the original serenity prayer to be

used by suffering coaches and athletes. Feel free to implement it, write it
out, group text it to your team and friends, and use it when experiencing
suffering:

Grant me the serenity to accept my errors, mistakes, failures

and losses, pain and suffering. Give me the courage to learn
from these and change appropriately. And afford me the wisdom
to forgive myself, have self compassion, improve and go
forward
 TRUST: Bedrock of Sacred Space

Trusting is part of our higher nature. Doubting is a lower instinct. The latter
is easy to do, the former more difficult – but so much more rewarding.
Coach John Wooden

In the win the day cultures, I often talk about having the sacred space,
that safe environment where you feel free to fail, mess up and look silly. I
talk about the necessity to trust our hearts, our minds, and our bodies having
prepared them well for battle. I’ve been speaking about this way of trust for
years and prior to writing this section, this quote magically appeared in my
reading about the Native American tradition on trust.

Great Mystery, teach me how to trust my heart, my mind, my

intuition, my inner knowing, the sense of my body, the blessings
of my spirit. Teach me to trust these things so that I may enter
my Sacred Space and love beyond my fear, and thus walk in
balance with the passing of each glorious Sun.
Lakota Prayer

Head women’s Field Hockey coach, Missy Meharg, has told me that
our work on trust influenced several of her teams to win a national
championship. Our mutual friend, Cindy Timchal, claims that win or lose,
trust is a non-negotiable for her teams. For Missy, trust is concern that you
treat others as you want to be treated. She agrees that it’s a value developed
from inside a safe, sacred space. As a coach, we can create the power of a
safe environment (see The Relationship Game).
For many Hall of Fame coaches, it is literally the bedrock of their
cultures and it is maintained when all the core values are upheld, when we
hold each other accountable for that. No accountability, no trust. Trust helps
you to take necessary risks with the values being the safety net.
Coach Phil Jackson’s championship teams, the Bulls and Lakers,
became great when the players began to trust each other enough to surrender
the “me” for the “we”. Like Phil, Coach K at Duke University believes that I
any organization, trust must be developed among every member of the team
if success is going to be achieved.
In Bob Hansen’s championship teams, trust is vital but he told me that
it takes time…it’s slow to develop and takes patience and perseverance.
When he began at Middlebury College, he saw that every year trust grew
and when it did, the team went further in the NCAA’s from the round of 16
to the quarter finals, then the semifinals, the finals and ultimately winning it
all in his fifth year. His way of building trust is through listening. “It’s a way
to learn about the kids and the more I know about them the better the culture
gets.” His trust is so strong in his team that he lets them decide the lineup.
This empowers them. He loves to ask the question “What do you think can
make us better?” He trusts their input and implements what they say. While
this might not work for all of us, it’s interesting that Bob won 15
championships using his trust methodology.
During a lunch conversation with Anson Dorrance, winner of 22
national championships in soccer, he talked openly about the value of trust
in his culture. “Jerry, it is crucial. We all must be open, transparent and
honest from the coach down to the players. We build it by being highly
competitive in practice and being positive in our environment.” More
philosophically, Coach John Wooden reminds all of us how trusting is a part
of our higher nature. Doubting is a lower instinct. It’s easy to doubt but
trusting is more rewarding.
Ernest Hemingway once said, “The best way to find out if you can
trust somebody is to trust them.” Many coaches, including myself, have
difficulty trusting ourselves to follow the advice of this classic writer. I’m
getting better at this as I let go of my defensive Brooklyn, N.Y. upbringing
where few were trusted to be trusted, including ourselves. In my culture
work with teams I have made great strides implementing trust and
developing it in the athletes by the following. Perhaps you can try these on
and feel how they fit:

IMPLEMENTATION:

1. Spend more time developing caring, safe relationships with others.

2. Demonstrate sincere humility.
3. Begin to listen with intent.
4. Involve the athletes in your system by empowering them to
contribute
5. Re-open to learning from them. My four kids at home are my best
teachers.
6. Make changes slowly or resistance will grow.
7. Be kind.
 8. Remember to catch them doing something right.
9. Don’t take yourself too seriously…laugh at yourself when
mistakes are made.
10. Tell them you trust them…then demonstrate it.

We are now at the end of PART IV, team values, and ready to
transition to PART V, Finding Life Balance. These values must be modeled
by you, the coach, if you expect your athletes to abide by you and
demonstrate these in your win the day culture. In the words of Mahatma
Gandhi, we must “be the change we want to see.”
 PART V

FINDING LIFE BALANCE: Win the Day Choices

The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life…if you can
do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.
Euripides

You are almost finished with this book and you now have a “tool box”
filled with ways to build and sustain a championship culture. To better assist
you in this process, I wrote this PART V that offers you a compass to stay
more balanced in your personal coaching life. So we’ve come full circle
from introduction to conclusion using the True North analogy. Your future,
where you go, what you do, how you do it and why will be shaped by the
conscious choices you make to stay balanced in the present everyday life of
coaching. I invite you to find ways for you to find balance and to increase
the power of influence you have in your leadership and coaching. When you
model a win the day approach in your personal life, the buy-in to your
cultural shifts and winning the day from your athletes will be stronger and
more lasting. Let me take you through my process in hopes of influencing
you to take on the challenge.
My work and life are intricately intertwined and devoted to winning
the day. WHY I continue to work after all these years is simple:

1. I wish to make a difference by inspiring others to do things that

inspire them, so that we all can change the world of athletics and live
health productive lives.
2. I wish to change the status quo of leadership, athletics and all the
 obsolete methodologies being used by so many of us.
3. I wish to serve others and empower them to believe they can be
something other than ordinary on and off the court. It’s about winning
the day in all aspects of life.
4. I wish to master my craft and learn to be the very best version of me
possible professionally and personally in my daily routines.

This focus on my WHY is an awesome reminder for me how to

establish balance in life and be more vulnerable, authentic and genuine,
leading to solid, refreshing relationships in all aspects of my life. My “Why”
is my mission, my purpose, my belief and raison d’être, what gives me
meaning in all of life.
Because of my clearly defined purpose, when I embody this “why”, I
can inspire and empower others to live more fully. Because of this clarity of
purpose, others buy-in, not to what I do or say (they will forget what I do or
say)…they buy-in to my “why”…which is how I make them feel and they
never forget that. What I do and how I do it serves as the reflection, or proof,
of my “why”… what and how are the results of that “why.” My purpose
never changes but the how and what does…as I continue to research, write,
learn and be honored to have work that illuminates such a path. It’s awesome
to still have others interested in reading what I write and listening to what I
have to say.
Having said all this, know that for Way of Champions (WOC) to
continue to fulfill its “why factor” may I respectfully suggest that we all do
everything we can to encourage each other to EMBODY these purposes in
body, mind and spirit balance. We must be the change we ask others to be.
We must consider ways to demonstrate in our teaching process how we can
be connecting, loving, giving, serving, inspiring, empowering and affirming
during the work that we do and the life we live. We must embody the
message by BEING the very coach, teacher, mentor and guide that we are
actually talking about while we are teaching. If we teach our athletes to be
conscious of living healthy lives and develop their full human capacity, we
must model what we teach in our own lives. We need to find multiple ways
to personify our “why,” connect with others and be the leaders we want our
athletes to be. Then we not only disseminate our important information, we
actually model it so as to help others to FEEL what it’s like when they are
being led in this way.
By so doing, there will be immediate payoff and the athletes will
access the tools to achieve their greatness. This is how we empower
everyone we teach. This is a level of richness that I, myself, aspire to and I
am getting closer everyday after all these years. Every time I work I push the
boundaries of my potential, take risks and let myself be seen, be vulnerable
and live the life I teach in body, mind and spirit. At times I may preach my
vision to others but it’s when I have the courage to LIVE it right there in the
moment that I am most effective. When we physically and emotionally
embody our purpose, we begin to truly INSPIRE and EMPOWER. More people
are realizing that this is the way to stay balanced and be more effective in
our process of helping and serving others. In this way, we can win the day.
Balanced living is my greatest challenge. I know what to do and how
to do it but it’s when I stay connected to others using my purpose or “why”,
taking the risk to be vulnerable and embody what I teach that miracles
happen, sea change occurs, work is joy, people are amazing and I live my
life in an authentic balanced way.
If I were to be asked, “Why should we work with you?” I would
confidently respond that the coaching I am doing today is better than what I
was doing a month ago. And the coaching I will be doing in a month will be
better than what I am doing today. This is so because I am connected to my
“why.” At this time in life, I am the best teacher, best coach, best partner,
best husband and dad I’ve ever been. I believe that my work invites more
trust, respect, loyalty, creativity, optimism, connection, innovation and love.
I pass this very personal information on to you because I believe it
will help you to understand your process more profoundly and why I offer
you the following compass so you have choices for conscious change if you
so choose. And that change is how you can create balance and win the day in
life thus making it possible for you to inspire others to win the day in theirs.
But this change must come from within. When I say this I remember the
ancient Buddhist story where a monk says to the hot dog vendor, “Make me
one with everything.” The hot dog vendor prepares it and gives it to the
monk. The monk pays him and asks for change. The vendor says, “Change
comes from within.”
Here are the ways that I create a more balanced life each day. I
encourage you to find your own path of balance or take pieces of mine and
apply them accordingly. Remember that there are several routes to the same
light called balance. We each have our own True North, an individual
conscious compass dictated by preferences, desires, likes and dislikes. There
is no one right way. It is a path designed by your deepest, fondest core
values that usually stand alone yet often overlap those of others. I simply
make suggestions based on my observations and experiences from years of
work to find my “sweet spot” at this time in life. My path feels comfortable
and it is satisfying and meaningful to me. But this is about YOU! What
makes you comfortable in your own skin? What choices can you make to
help you attain more balance and win the day? Know that this is an
experiment and like any worthwhile journey changes in direction will
happen. As long as your intention is pure and your feet are pointed forward,
you will embark on what mythologist Joseph Campbell called “The Hero’s
Journey.”

When I look back on each day, I know I’m living a balanced life when
I’ve accomplished seven of the following ten items. A really awesome day is
hitting it out of the park with all 10 of these choices:

1. GRATEFULNESS– In the section on gratefulness and Brother David,

I talk about the exercise I give my teams who go “from grateful to
great.” I start my win the day approach by naming seven things I’m
grateful for at that moment: health, friends, work, family, mental
clarity, my home, my opportunities. This could change day to day as
my life expands and more comes my way. I breathe the feeling of
gratefulness into my heart, hold the breath for a few seconds and do it
three times. I then tell myself, “go about your day and give to others
because of all you’ve been given. Make my work a reflection of all I
am grateful for right now.” This is an amazing start to a day and if I
avoid it, the difference is palpable.

2. EXERCISE– Okay…I admit that I’m addicted to running and biking

and can easily lose my balance. I usually workout in the morning and
certainly before noon because getting the blood flowing early
contributes to a fuller more energized, vital day. I aim to get from one
to two hours daily but let’s not put a time or length to this. After all,
30 minutes of cardiovascular efforts four times a week is sufficient.
You must access your level of fitness and adjust accordingly. And
remember, walking counts, as does swimming.

3. NUTRITIONAL– Once again, I will remind you that I do not know

what’s best for anyone. My nutritional choices have come about as a
lifelong experiment. What I choose when it comes to this aspect of life
is what works best for me, what feels good and matches my lifestyle
at my age. I am certain, however, that nutritional balance is crucial to
our overall health, wellness, vibrancy, clarity and energy day to day.
I will mention one caveat. My wife is a doctor as well as a
certified clinical nutritionist and our very dear friend is John Robbins,
 author of the best seller DIET FOR A NEW AMERICA and CEO of the
exciting movement, the FOOD REVOLUTION. You can imagine what
our dinners are like when we get together. As John would say, “I eat
whatever I want.” But, the catch is, I only want to eat an organic,
plant-based diet, no dairy, no sugar, no caffeine, no alcohol. Yes, this
is beyond a vegan diet. While some see this as radical, I call it
winning the day; I’ve never, ever felt better in my life. I’ve been
health conscious for decades but this is “over the top” health. My
barometer is not how long my life will be but how wide it is.
I am not recommending this approach for others. We all must
find out what feels best for ourselves. Experiment for yourself but do
something. My wife, Jan, tells her patients that food is either the best
medicine or it’s a slow poison. If you’re an athlete and seem worried
about changes to your diet (many pro and collegiate athletes are
vegan), there is much to read and it gets confusing. John Robbins has
connections with the best minds in the medical profession who are
brilliant researchers in this controversial area. I am the beneficiary of
all this wisdom through Jan and John. I simply offer this advice to
help you examine your nutritional limitations, transcend them and
seek ways to create more balance in your nutritional life.

4. MEDITATION– There are many avenues to explore when it comes to

the process of mediation, slowly becoming a household word. I refer
you to the value of Mindfulness in Part IV of this book if you’re
interested in this concept. For me, I have a daily (almost daily)
meditation practice ranging from as little as five to forty-five minutes,
depending upon how my day plays out. If you only had five minutes,
it would be enough to feel the positive effects of this quiet, mind-
clearing session. After brushing and flossing your teeth, before
bedtime, take five minutes to meditate then “hit the sack.”

5. READING– As with meditation, many claim they don’t have enough

time to include this in a busy day. To which I ask, do you have five
minutes? Most of us do. Take those minutes and read a few poems,
essays, or short chapters in a book. Some days I read for hours –
usually when it’s raining on a Sunday afternoon and nothing else is
happening. But I maintain the balance in this regard when I read a
minimum of five to ten minutes daily. It calms and relaxes me, fills
my soul and enriches my brain and gives me a good perspective on
life, especially if the content has spiritual value.
 6. STRENGTHENING– Here’s an activity I recommend to do no more
than three times per week. It feels good to pump iron and pump the
blood throughout the body. To not do this on a consistent basis is to
lose large amounts of muscle mass as we get older. My schedule is to
lift three times per week for twenty minutes to maintain physical
muscular balance.

7. THE RIVER– This one is easy and takes little time. I always can win
the day when I baptize friends, clients and family in the RIVER.
Review the material in Part II, called River Effect, and begin to
implement what I suggest.

8. AFFIRMATION– If you were a fly on my office wall, you’d see a

stack of cards on my desk that I read daily. These are my self-
directing affirmations that I use to keep me in position and poised for
good things to happen. Go back to the value of Positivity and read
again the power of your words to help you win the day. Once my
nervous system has been completely marinated in these words, I move
forward creating more to keep life’s balance rolling forward. It takes
three minutes a day to do this.

9. RELATIONSHIP– One of the secrets to longevity by cultures of

centenarians is community. By nature, I tend to be introverted, filling
up my emotional tanks by being alone. However, I make diligent
efforts to be with others part of my day. I do this with clients, teams,
family and friends. Relationship are crucial to full capacity living.
How do you fill the void when it exists?

10. KINDNESS– Finally every day I look for an opportunity to extend a

random act of kindness to someone, even if it’s not acknowledged. It
just feels good to help others feel food. It doesn’t take much…hold a
door for someone, pick up trash on a trail, tell someone you appreciate
them…you know how to do this. You just need to be mindful of doing
it. You can never get out of balance by being too kind.

If you think this list is too much to do, add up the time commitment
involved in creating such balanced living. You can do all ten items in about
an hour to an hour and a half. Imagine how balanced you’ll feel when you
consistently do this. All it takes is to be mindful and create a routine. Add
new items and take some away. The key is to GIVE – to yourself and to
others the gift of balance. Let there be no end to your generosity. That alone
helps to win the day. In the wise words of Robert Fulghum, “Live a balanced
life. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and
play and work every day some.” Balance in your coaching life is the
essential way to win the day.
And so it is with winning the day, every day. The change you
experience on this journey will come from within and ripple outward to all
things in your life. This quest for balance which you can undertake is an
inner one filled with wisdom, very private, and deeply personal. Marcel
Proust, a brilliant French novelist, says that there are two methods of
obtaining such wisdom: painlessly from a teacher or painfully from life; the
latter is far superior. That said, I do not pretend to teach you wisdom. You
must learn it for yourself on this win the day coaching journey. I simply
offer you this handy, practical guide to help you stay the course as you
embark on these unchartered waters. Practice these sacred lessons of
champions, lessons on mental strength, conscious leadership, and true
winning the day in your sport and at work. Let this book comfort you along
“the Way.”
Fasten your seat belt and get ready for a fun-filled ride.