ON THE PSYCHOPATHOLOGY

OF LONELINESS
JAcK L. RosINS

ONELINESS is one of those ubiquitous ically changes its essential nature; where,
L terms which everyone uses and in phenomenological terms, knowing the
seems to understand, and yet which, on experience as an object is ,different from
analysis, may have quite different con- the experience itself.
notations for each person. What seems Secondly, loneliness, both by its in-
to make for the apparent under- herent nature and by the patient's at-
standing is that each individual projects titudes toward it, may be difficult to
his own personal feeling into the general communicate. Some states of loneliness
concept to which the term refers. It is can be felt empathically, communicated
my thesis that loneliness is not one on an emotional level. However, analysts
feeling but that there are many forms have noted that some patients in the
of it, or many root-feelings included in grip of intense feelings of loneliness can-
and underlying what we generally refer not or will not communicate it verbally.
to as loneliness. This may be due to the hopeless feeling
It is perhaps significant that although that nothing can ever be done about it
loneliness is such a common experience or because of the frightening, painful
--as analysts we meet it as a symptom effect of awareness of it 1. It is likewise
in our patients, as well as in our or- possible that the emotional communica-
dinary human contact with people--so tion of such intense feelings is impeded
little has been written about it in because the analyst's ability to meaning-
psychoanalytic literature. As Fromm- fully sense or empathize is Mocked by
Reichmannl emphasized, it is one of the anxiety-arousing qualitites of the
the least understood and least satisfac- loneliness. Such anxiety-producing effects
torily conceptualized psychological phe- may be due to a number of factors; for
nomena we have to deal with. instance, the intense, irrational and
There are probably several reasons insatiable demands for closeness placed
for this paucity. One is that it is such upon the analyst, demanding fulfillment,
an exquisitely subjective experience that yet impossible to fulfill. Or, patients
we may limit or distort the phenomenal may be aware of feeling lonely, but
experience in our attempts to objectivize because of neurotic pride in their like-
it. It is an example of where the labor- ableness, friendliness, or self-sufficiency,
atory observation, so to speak, automat- may not be able to admit their loneliness

Jack L. Rubins, M.D., University of Geneva, Switzerland, 1943; Associate Clinical

Professor of Psychiatry, New York Medical College; Lecturer, New School for Social Research
and American Institute for Psychoanalysis; Past-President, Association for the Advancement
of Psychoanalysis. This paper was read before the Association for the Advancement of Psycho-
analysis at the New York Academy of Medicine, January 29, 1964.
153
 JACK L. RUBINS

as a need for someone else, without a multitude of concurrent factors,

feeling humiliated. usually furnish the material for study
A third obstacle to our understanding of esthetics." He then calls attention
has been the difficulty in clearly iden- to " . . . the obstacle presented by the
tifying and defining the feeling of lone- fact that people vary so greatly in their
liness, and in delineating it from other sensitivity to this quality of feeling. ''2
similar subjective feelings. Different His paper, "The Uncanny," is often
people feel it in different ways, more or cited as evidence of his awareness of the
less intensely and poignantly, and they feeling-state of loneliness. The German
feel it in different situations and in word unheimlich means literally "like
relation to different external factors. (being) without a home." However, on
Some persons may not be aware that careful re-reading of this paper, it seems
they are lonely; others may be periph- doubtful that he was referring to lone-
erally aware of some such feeling but liness as such. The feelings he does
may try to exclude it or deny it. It may describe are those of "dread," "fear-
be experienced not primarily as lone- fulness" or "unfamiliarity'--related to
liness but as depression or anxiety; and infantile anxiety, castration fear and the
vice-versa, patients may speak of lone- unconscious forbidden desire to return
liness when they really may be expe- to the womb-like dependency on the
riencing something else such as emp- mother--which may be the result of
tiness or dependency needs. All of this "silence, solitude and darkness."
requires our re-examining the relation- The works of Freudfi Abraham4 and
ship between such related feelings. more recently Rochlin,5 on melancholia
A final difficulty lies in the confusion have also been cited as relevant to the
between forms and conditions of the experience of loneliness, melancholia
objective experiences which are often being seen as occurring after the loss of a
subsumed under the term loneliness loved idealized person or object. It is
(isolation, solitude, aloneness, separation, usually a depressive state attributed to
alienation, estrangement), and whether an impoverishment of the world or the
these states are compulsive, voluntary self due to loss of self-esteem, and with
or imposed from without. The same con- self-criticism or self-derogation due to
fusion is found in our interchangeable a conflictual admixture of hostility orig-
use of converse terms--often used to inally directed against the loved one.
negatively de:fine loneliness--such as However, the symptoms specifically
closeness, relatedness or intimacy. When described in these papers do not include
using any of these terms we may be loneliness. In fact, we know that
referring to quite specific, vastly dif- depressed patients may or may not feel
ferent emotional attitudes. loneliness, that it is not a necessary
It is probably because of these ex- component of melancholia.
periential nuances that we lind so little FenicheV in his authoritative work
reference to it, particularly in the or- makes no mention of loneliness as a
thodox psychoanalytic theory. To my pathological symptom. He only briefly
knowledge, Freud does not mention it mentions the fear of being alone which
specifically at all. He states his position is seen in children as a substitute for the
in the opinion: " . . . it is only rarely that fear of loss of love. This latter fear
the psychoanalyst feels impelled to derives its force either from the feeling
investigate.., the theory of feeling. He of helplessness in the face of over-
works in other planes of mental life whelmingly strong inner impulses, or
and has little to do with subdued emo- from the anxiety of threatened deser-
tional activity, w h i c h . . , dependent on tion or castration by parents. The fear
154
 ON THE PSYCHOPATHOLOGY OF LONELINESS

of being alone is not the same as actual explanation--while some forms of lone-
loneliness, and may be present without liness can be related to the presence or
any subjective feeling of being lonely. absence of other persons, other forms
Anna Freud, as quoted by Fromm- must be explained primarily on the
Reichman, 1 speaks of feelings of lone- basis of intrapsychic pathology.
liness in children under the rubric of Horney,~0 using an allied approach,
"Losing and of Being Lost," but does speaks of the lonely child in the context
not specify any underlying dynamic of basic anxiety, the feeling of being
emotional factors. helpless and isolated in the face of a
Two developments in psychoanalytic world experienced as potentially hostile,
thinking gave impetus to current con- the result of rejective neurotic parental
cepts of loneliness. The first was the attitudes. This discussion, however,
emphasis on the importance of inter- refers to the generic child rather than
personal relationships in emotional to the particular experience of the
development, and a few studies have individual child; therefore, it is difficult
appeared in this context. Sullivan, 7 for to theoretically evaluate the nature of
instance, was aware of the " . . . exceed- the loneliness referred to as compared
ingly unpleasant and driving expe- with isolation, helplessness or the other
r i e n c e . . . " of loneliness, and felt that feelings. Nevertheless, the suggestion of
it resulted from the frustration of a basic a relationship between loneliness and
"need for personal intimacy" (closely anxiety, both in the child and the adult,
connected with the bodily organization is significant. Indeed, it was emphasized
of the individual) which included com- as "loneliness anxiety" by Moustakas 11
panionship, society and physical contact. in his beautiful, poignantly poetic book
Nevertheless, both he, and later Clara which describes loneliness experiences of
Thompson, considered this emotional numerous children and adults.
state as a relatively unimportant path-
ological condition, a "minor maladiust- A second stimulus to our thinking on
ment."s Von Witzleben 9 and Fromm- this subject has been contributed by the
Reichmann 1 further distinguish two growth of existential and social psy-
forms of loneliness: a primary, essential chiatry. In recent years a spate of
or real loneliness, which is inherent in publications has appeared presenting
the basic infantile condition--the feeling this view; most of these consider the
of being alone and helpless in the world; more general condition of alienation
and a secondary form which results rather than loneliness in particular. 12, 13
from the loss of a loved object. This In stressing the importance of the imme-
formulation is a helpful one in calling diate phenomena of the ongoing present
attention to the need for distinguishing in experience, this approach calls atten-
between the experience in children and tion to the need to understand the
in adults. Both forms are seen as arising subjectivity of loneliness, rather than
out of the individual's relation to another the previous analytical psychologizing
person. and the objectivizing of the scientific
My objection to this point of view is approach. Furthermore, they introduced
twofold. First, this quasi-biological the notion of loneliness as a basic or
"need," like an instinct, does not go far "normal" aspect of man's present-day
enough and does not basically explain condition.
the phenomenon. We must still ask why Man has the capacity for freedom--
a particular child or adult feels lonely freedom to choose his own actions,
in a particular circumstance. Second, wants, future projects, to assert al~d
the interpersonal context is not the only affirm his own ideas regardless of the
155
 JACK L. RUBINS

feelings of others. Not only does he have so that the constant awareness of com-
this capacity, but he inevitably must parison and falling short of others must
experience and exercise this freedom as result in "existential shame," the result-
part of his "natural" condition. Howev- ant separation from others in "exist-
er, in so doing he not only cuts himself ential loneliness.''20
off temporarily from his fellows, but he One interesting variation of this is
also transcends himself and cuts him- described by Bakan21 as "epistemological
self o~ from his previous being-state. loneliness," namely the feeling expe-
Man's "being-in-the-world," the mitwelt, rienced by the thinker or philosopher in
"being-with-others," is a, fundamental relation to the rest of the thinking
mode of his existence. With his self- community. This contrasts the privacy
transcendence and freedom, this mode of the thinking experience with the
is constantly being broken. Tillich 14 community expermnce.
sees this state as a constant conflict In general, this approach construc-
between man's courage to be part of tively raises many relevant issues. It
the whole (of society) and his courage implies that there may be a form of
to be a separate fragment, himself. This loneliness which is not absolutely path-
results in existential loneliness. As Rollo ological or is, at least, a "normal" aspect
May 15 puts it, man is lonely as part of of our abnormal modern living condi-
his basic alienation from society and tion. Stressing that the subjective expe-
from himself. This being-state is thus rience must be explored and understood
seen as resulting from two essential in itself definitely opens a new dimen-
factors: man's "inherent nature and sion for our study of loneliness. Howev-
condition" and his place in, his relation er, it seems to me that there is somewhat
to his social environment. of a contradiction when one places
Put in relation to society, such lone- emphasis on the nature of the individual,
liness is pathological to the extent that personal experience on the one hand,
society, our normal present-day civiliza- and then generalizes about generic man
tion is pathological in its effects upon and the abstract social nature of such
the individual. Social psychiatrists and phenomena as alienation on the other.
analysts have implicated many cultural The subjective feeling of loneliness is
factors as being responsible. The decline not, of course, the same as the subjective
in intimacy relationships, in "primary experience of feeling alienated from
groups" like the family, the tight com- one's self or others, although the two
munity and the small business; the stress feelings may be interrelated. Regarding
on impersonality; the commercialization the social roots of loneliness, it is debat-
of personal religion; and the increase in able to what degree society determines
mobility, both geographical and inter- the individual--who is thus seen as a
class, have been critically examined by more or less passive recipient of cultural
such authors as Bowman, ~6, Fromm t7 forces--and to what extent the individ-
and Halmos.lS Halmos generally refers ual forms or changes the society in
to these tendencies as the "desoeializa- which he lives. Although a discussion of
tion of our collective behavior." In his these questions would take us beyond
book The Lonely Crowd, Reisman :t9 the scope of this paper, I shall briefly
points out that the "other-directed" return later to this point in my consid-
individual may experience loneliness by eration of normal loneliness.
failure to satisfy his need to follow such
external cultural values as Prestige and II
success. Barry20 sees this same need as
a natural part of human development, When considering the psychodynamics
156
 O N T H E P S Y C H O P A T H O L O G Y O F LONELINESS

of loneliness, it is necessary to define tion and apathy, or with creative activity

what I refer to as the subjective, per- and transcendence. Halmos 18 draws a
sonal experience expressed by many clear distinction between the voluntary
patients. Loneliness is usually expe- and the involuntary, the spontaneously
rienced as an unpleasant or painful self-directed and the compulsive in his
feeling with a tinge of need or lack to delineation of privacy from the other
it. It may vary in quality from being states. Going even further, Wenkart 22
actually physically painful, to eerie or sees privacy as healthy, as a basically
uncanny, to almost bittersweet; and it required precondition for growth and
may merge into other feelings like for the integrity of the self. Privacy,
depression or anxiety from which it still then, is a generally conscious wish, need
can be differentiated. It may vary in for, and movement toward aloneness.
intensity from very slight to extremely Isolation as an objective state is similar
poignant, anguishing and overwhelming. to the above in indicating few contacts
It may be a fleeting, evanescent or or restricted areas of contact with others.
momentary feeling, or it may be more More often it indicates a subjective
or less chronic. Some persons are more feeling of emotional separation or bax-
prone to it than others, depending rier--a "sense of" isolation involving
either on the constellation of personality such factors as difficulty in communica-
traits or on the immediate dynamic tion or feelings of difference, often
forces acting at the moment within the depending on real or imagined rejection
individual. It may be relieved or sat- by others. In other words, we must make
isfied easily at times, or may require a distinction between social isolation and
much more to relieve it. It may build personal isolation, as Poole 28 has done
up like an ~ddiction, progressively in his observations. Some instances may
requiring more and more to quench it. contain a combination of both, such as
It may occur and disappear without any when the social factors coincide with or
corresponding change in the external reinforce the intrapsychic factors. Exam-
environment. Often it is related by the ples would be cases of illnesses or condi-
person to the absence of some other tions rejected by society, such as leprosy
person, object or Surroundings, but need or mental illness, which add to the
not necessarily be so related. In fact the person's rejection of himself.24, 25. Such
loneliness which occurs when others are cases may merge into withdrawal which,
present, in crowds or with a loved one, as a subjective feeling-state implies an
may be particularly painful. active, compulsive and usually uncon-
T h a t there may be a situational scious process of emotional distance-
element requires that it be distinguished building, a moving-away from, a with-
from other similar conditions. Aloneness drawal of interest usually based on
or solitude is the objective state of being conflict or anxieties centered about
without others in the immediate sur- emotional contact with others. It is this
roundings. Either of these states may be condition which I feel has been described
voluntary, even sought after with enthu- and misinterpreted as loneliness in
siasm for varying periods of time as in children and in some schizophrenics,
the lives of religious recluses, hermits or although it may form the basis upon
even creative artists. They may also be which the actual loneliness may secon-
imposed or enforced, as during impris- darily develop.
onment or exile. It is well known Alienation or estrangement has a
that in these instances different per- variety of meanings as currently used,
sons will react differently--with con- and to consider these would take us
flict, rebellion, compliance, or resigna- beyond the intent of this paper. Howev-
157
 JACK L. RUBINS

er, briefly for our purposes, I ur~derstand was almost welcomed as a contrast to
it as including both an objective and the previous enforced contact, and was
subjective aspect. In the objective, described instead as a needed "privacy.'"
situational or interpersonal sense, it may The phenomenon of loneliness in
refer to the mechanized, dehumanized children requires some special mention
form of emotional relationship existing because of its possible etiological role.
between persons, or between the individ- The classical studies of Ribble, Spitz,
ual and society described by the sociol- Bowlby and others have demonstrated
ogists. This includes emotional distance the effects upon the infant of separation
and separation in that the emotional from the parents. We are familiar with
bonds are not profound and genuine, the syndrome of infantile autism and
but rather shallow, artificial and based the so-called anaclitic depression. A
on spurious values. In the subjective, related new syndrome, tile "Displaced
intrapsychic sense, it refers to a feeling-- Child Syndrome" has recently been
or lack of feeling, which is also a described by Greenbaum ~s in a series
feeling--of distance from or l a c k of of children who had a special closeness
awareness of one's own ,deep emotional with a parent, usually the mother, and
innards, desires, goals; this may also be who have lost this relationship. Adoles-
felt as a paucity of inner experience or cents, too, having been subjected to
emptiness. Dynamically, it is an active prolonged emotional deprivation and
hiding of all that makes one's identity, separation from parents, show a com-
and to the extent that this includes past parable syndrome, described by Sachs 29
and present emotional ties with others, as "emotional acrescentism." It is of
it may involve isolation as well. It is note that in all these cases of children
part and parcel of the total neurotic (or who show variously emotional or in-
psychotic) process and development. tellectual stunting, mood disturbances,
It must be clearly understood that clinging, delinquent behavior, or lack of
although I have neatly defined these spontaneity in sharing feelings, no men-
feelings, in reality such afine line cannot tion is made of loneliness. Of course, the
be drawn clinically since one may blend feeling of loneliness can be an important
with the other. Furthermore, any of pathological symptom in children.30 But,
these states may be present without we must be cautious in distinguishing
necessarily being accompanied by the this feeling from other related ones such
feeling of loneliness. In fact, Moustakas as isolation, depression, withdrawal or
suggests that some forms of loneliness resignation, which may have significantly
may be the opposite of estrangement; different dynamic mechanisms. In addi-
they may be a creative aspect of expe- tion, we must be even more careful not
rience occurring as the person comes to "adultomorphize"--to attribute to
into closer contact with his feeling self. children those feelings which we as
Similarly, Townsend 26 studied a large adults may feel. This is especially true
number of aged people living in isolated in hearing adult patients recall child-
conditions, and points out that loneliness hood memories of loneliness.
was not often experienced. It required In all these concepts, the factor of
special emotional bases existing before- separation from others seems to be
hand. His correlations stress the distinc- stressed; and the prototype of this is
tion between these two emotional states. seen in the effect of separation from
In the same vein, a recent study 27 of the mother. Harlow's recent experimen-
prisoners in solitary confinement for a tal work with monkeys has cast doubt
length of time showed that loneliness on the importance of maternal nurture.
was seldom felt. In fact the isolation His observations suggest that devel-
158
 ON THE PSYCHOPATttOLOGY O F LONELINES'S

opmental tendencies toward isolation specific needs underlying this tendency.

and difficulty in making social contact If we pay attention to how people
are not ,due primarily to lack of food- attempt to relieve their loneliness, as
giving or emotional mothering, but are well as to how they describe the expe-
possibly related to the quality of the rience, it is possible to clarify some of
sensation between the infant and the underlying needs. Different individ-
mother-figure, and are definitely con- uals react in many, compulsively driven
nected with the presence of peers in a ways. Some individuals strive to make
free play-activity situation. a directed emotional contact with a
Of course, we cannot do more than single other person, such as in marriage
make analogies between these exper- or having a child, with a needful clinging
iments and the human infantile condi- to the presence of the other person. Or
tion. Nevertheless, I believe that these it may be in superficial relationships
results can shed some light on the with a single other person at a time, but
problem of separation and loneliness in shifting rapidly to another, on and on
children, although the effect is an as in sexual promiscuity, or in repeatedly
indirect one. T h a t is, lack of contact consulting different physicians for phys-
influences the development of the self- ical symptoms. It may be through
image and identity, which I feel to be participation in group activities rather
important in explaining the loneliness than with any one individual, as in
experience. As I have written in a recent joining clubs, sports or partying. It may
paper on the development of the self,~l be through spectator-observer activity
the feeling of healthy relatedness as well rather than direct participation, as in
as separateness of the self from others, all the forms of entertainment watching;
of the self as an independent entity, and ir~deed we have only to look at the
depends on many factors. Among these vast entertainment industries which
are the infants tactile-visual-auditory flourish because of such needs. It may
contacts as well as his emotional be through constant activity, doing
relationships with parent figures. In a something, which is only indifferently
more healthy emotional climate he will related to the presence of other persons,
develop a realistic and complete body as in travelling, shopping. It may be
image, self-concept and sense of identity. through the practice of religion, which
In addition, in spite of his biological is only partly related to the concurrent
smallness, his dependency and need for participation of others, and partly to
protection, he will develop the ability to the feeling of relatedness to some
act spontaneously on his healthy need transcendent influence. It may be through
to move closer toward his parents or narcotizing activities, such as drinking,
away from them. Under distorted inner taking narcotics or other drugs, even
or external emotional conditions, the eating. It may be through reading or
self-identity may be incompletely or letter-writing as efforts to recapture a
distortedly developed. In addition, the familiar experience to replace the lone-
normal spontaneous psychological move- liness. It may be through attachment to
ments toward or away from others may a non-human object, such as a toy or
become compulsive needs, driven by the pet, or if not in reality, in fantasy as with
basic anxiety I mentioned before. These the imaginary companions of children.
two-part processes, as roots of neurotic Psychoanalytic exploration shows that
development, may be significant in each of these defensive activities or
explaining loneliness, and thereby , in- pseudo-solutions is the manifestation of
stead of the vague "need for intimacy," some more specific, underlying emotional
we can attempt to define and delineate attitude to the self or toward others.
159
 JAGK L. RUBINN

Where the loneliness is experienced in ininity, strength, intelligence, so that

relation to a particular significant other lack of attention to any of these may
person, there is often a compulsive need provoke the loneliness.
for love or affection which has been It is in these forms that the under-
neurotically glorified as constituting the lying element of self-rejection is so
ideal and, in fact, the only possible important--that is, the feelings of self-
relationship between persons. This is contempt, self-hate and self-devaluation.
found predominantly in the self-effacing Such feelings may be actively or passively
person who has a compulsively dependent- projected outside, so that the feelings of
compliant attitude toward others. Under- loneliness may appear as a function of
neath there is usually an emotional state the concomitant feeling of dislike for
of low self-esteem and strong self- someone else, or that someone else dis-
deprecating, tendencies. Basically this likes him.
person feels unloved and unlovable, and In some patients, the loneliness is not
it is this feeling which threatens to come related to a need for love, but rather to
into awareness when the other person the simple presence of the other person
leaves. The loneliness, a derivative of (or part or symbol) more or less as an
the need for love, is thus secondary t o object. Such patients have to live
the derogatory attitude toward the through another person, to experience
self. Extreme examples of this are seen themselves vicariously by being one
in the patient who feels lonely when with the other. Their loneliness is an
the other person merely goes into awareness that the external source of
another room, in spite of the intellectual experience is not available. The under-
knowledge that he is still in the same lying inner state in such a person is a
apartment and will return. When the feeling of emptiness, or in a lesser
self-effacement is more extreme, as in degree, a paucity of inner experience.
the morbid-dependent symbiotic type, This same form of loneliness may be
the loneliness may be expressed as a experienced not in relation to one
feeling that he does not "belong" to the person, but toward other people in
other person. general or some group which are expe-
When the self-evaluation is thus rienced as things-in-the-world. Here the
precarious but more diffuse and some need is more generalized into a form of
active self-contempt is present, the externalized living, but the same inner
attachment to a single person may not dynamic state obtains. Sometimes,
be sufficient. Such persons feel lonely however, a different inner feeling-state
unless they receive evidence of being may be present--not emptiness but an
loved, or more specifically, of being inner meaninglessness, an impairment
admired by numerous other persons. or instability of identity, a fragmenta-
One patient, a pretty young woman tion of self. The individual then obtains
who is often invited to parties, expe- an external context, a meaningful or
riences a desolate loneliness whenever integrated framework--or as the Gestal-
she ceases to be admired by the others tists put it, a figure-ground configura-
there, particularly the men. It is not t i o n - w i t h i n which he can feel some
the simple presence of others that is wholeness and identity, however tran-
necessary, since she feels lonely with the sitory. The loneliness then is basically
same persons around; rather, it is the a threat of experiencing the cutting off
raising of her self-esteem, the satisfying of this necessary external self-context.
of her narcissistic needs. The irrational A mild degree of this loneliness is
needs may be focussed on any aspect of often felt by people in strange places,
the self: sexual attributes, beauty, fem- away from home, and is described as
160
 ON THE PSYCHOPATHOLOGY O F LONELINESS

homesickness, maI-du-pays, feeling alone tional distance--toward others. It is

or different. This can often be alleviated usually a conscious feeling of the person;
not by the presence of other people and although he can be temporarily
alone, but by the presence of objects or distracted from it or ignore it, it contin-
symbols (the flag, compatriots, etc.) ually returns a~d intrudes itself into his
which represent the familiar past attach- activity. Such individuals often feel a
ments or framework which gave meaning strong need for freedom, not only from
to the self. This need for contact with the rational demands arising from the
the familiar--and the loneliness is the normal emotional interchange between
experience of its a b s e n c e - i s sometimes people, but from any obligations and
based upon a fragility, a fuzziness or a regulations. These are felt as coercive
conflict in the person's identity. Such limitations or restrictions. In such
individuals often show a rather rigid patients, the need for freedom from
identification with or dependency upon involvement--or to quote Sullivan, the
particular aspects, symbols or values in "elaboration of distance mechanisms"--
their personal identity. When these are is not only directed toward others but
temporarily removed, their identity is also toward their own inner conflict.
shaken until a reorganization can occur. T h a t is, underneath this predominant
One particular form of loneliness is attitude is intense conflict caused by
that related to physical contact. This repressed but equally compulsive needs
person has the need to touch others, to for love and closeness. It is only when
indulge in contact activities such as these repressed needs are threatening to
sports or sex, in which the emotional emerge into awareness or are being
interplay is minimal or absent, or is partially accepted that the loneliness
repressed as threatening. The loneliness will be felt; and its intensity will be
comes on when such contact is interfered proportional to the strength, the degree
with. Underlying this need may be of compulsiveness and the extent of
found, paradoxically, either an emotional awareness of these needs.
deadness or considerable emotional One final form of loneliness is that
conflict and anxiety. He avoids emo- felt by the individual in a position
tional contact because he is unable to of responsibility and decision-making.
experience closeness, or because he must Moustakasll calls this '~ loneliness
repress the intrapsychic conflict such of public life--the loneliness of com-
closeness would call into awareness. mand," and devotes a chapter to giving
Therefore, he substitutes the mechanical, examples of well known persons who
physical contact for the emotional. On have experienced it. It is in this type
the other hand, where the degree of that a clear distinction must be made
conflict is great and accompanied by between healthy aloneness and lone-
much self-contempt, even physical con- liness. The former is an inherent part of
tact may not be possible in spite of decision-making and leadership, the
strong feelings of loneliness. You may closest perhaps to the existential concept
recall the lonely boy David, in the book of indigenous human freedom as well as
and film David and Lisa, who became to the constructive outward-moving of
anxious each time he was touched; the child from his previous devel-
physical contact brought up his feelings opmental state of embeddedness. T h a t
of dirtiness and loathing for himself. the aloneness is experienced as loneliness
Loneliness as a chronic feeling-state is due, as in the previously mentioned
is often seen in patients who have form, to the existence of underlying
adopted a compulsive neurotic (or even conflict between opposing tendencies.
psychotic) attitude of detachment--emo- The difference is that this individual
161
 JACK L. RUBINS

has a need, not for distance, but to is only when some shift or change in
be outstanding, a variety of compul- the equilibrium is pending or occurring
sive narcissistic or self-idealizing expan- that the loneliness will be felt; that is,
siveness. The underlying repressed emo- as long as the various compulsive needs
tion is, as previously, a need for love are working, the person will not feel
and closeness; and when this comes lonely. This dynamic shift may be
partially into confllctual awareness, threatened either from without by
loneliness may be experienced. change in the object status, or from
within by imminent emergence into
III awareness of a contradictory need or by
Taking into account the subjective a healthy awareness of the compulsive
feelings of patients and others as well nature of the need.
as these different dynamic conditions, For example, the person who has a
the loneliness experience seems to be neurotic need for love and protection
constituted by two components. Each from another will not feel lonely while
of these has the experiential quality of this is satisfied by the other's presence.
a forceful drive having a directiveness Should the other person leave, the
to it, the one in the nature of an impul- equilibrium is disturbed from without,
sion, the other of an attraction. We and he is thrown back toward expe-
might consider these respectively as riencing his inner state. In fact, an
centrifugal and centripetal forces in actual separation is not even necessary;
relation to the self. The first is a feeling the same result may occur when the
of something unpleasant or painful person is confronted with a symbolic
being present or taking place within the situation or the awareness of the possi-
self. This has the effect of impelling the bility of such an occurrence. This is seen
individual away from his painful inner in the "holiday loneliness" which is felt
experience. The second is a feeling of at the time of traditional get-together
lack or need within the self, producing holidays such as Christmas or Thanks-
an attraction toward or call for some giving; or when the person may hear
other person, object or activity intended about or see other persons experiencing
to fill or fulfill the feeling. Both of these closeness, as in family reunions or close
two components combine to make up parent-child relationships. What ba-
the total experience of loneliness, and sically happens is that the external situa-
both are always present to varying tion eoincidentally precipitates into
degrees, although either one may partial awareness the individual's own
predominate at a particular moment. repressed need.
Their direction is related to two poles, The same thing may occur from
an inner and an external. The inner may within, without any external precip-
consist of the various unconscious exper- itating situation. The individual may be
iential or emotional states--conflict, functioning interpersonally on the basis,
anxiety, compulsive needs, emptiness, for instance, of compulsive needs for
self-fragmentation, identity diffusion-- emotional distance or for arrogant
from which the person moves away, vindictive domination of others. Should
trying to avoid awareness of them. The his repressed dependency-closeness needs
outer may consist of another person, come partially into awareness, either as a
group, symbolic objects, activities. At neurotic shift or as a constructive move-
any particular moment each of these ment (as during analysis), he will then
two forces will balance dynamically in be thrown from the interpersonal toward
the habitual neurotic, psychotic or the intrapsychic pole. This is not due to
normal status quo of the individual. It lull awareness of the contradiction or
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 ON THE PSYCHOPATHOLOGY OF LONELINESS

the inadequacy of his then predominant able. Whether they are the primary
compulsive needs. If there is a more cause of our " n o r m a l " loneliness is, to
complete conscious experiencing of the ray mind, doubtful. My own viewpoint,
conflictual trend, then the total under- which is biased according to my profes-
lying state will be felt--the emptiness, sional development and role, makes me
anxiety, self-contempt--rather than focus on the individual as primary and
loneliness. It is, as I have stated, a his society as secondary. Enough disturb-
partial awareness that is required, or, ed individuals will produce a disturb-
in dynamic terms, an awareness of the ed society, and not vice-versa except in
shift, the imbalance, the movement, the an indirect sense. I would see loneliness
direction, rather than of the end-state. as primarily an intrapsychic phenom-
And it carries with it the feeling of enon, related to the different emotional
eventual completion or reversal. No factors noted above, themselves result-
matter how painful the feeling of ing from the self-perpetuating neurotic
loneliness, by its nature it always process. Of course, this distorted devel-
carries with it the feeling of hope- opment is set in motion by neurotic
ful possibility. When this disappears parental attitudes acting upon a partic-
and is replaced by hopelessness or the ular growth pattern. It is mainly in this
more total inner state, then the lone- way that the cultural influences affect
liness also disappears by merging into the individual--parents and peers are
some other related feeling-state that is bearers of the cultural values which
more finalistic, such as depression or have become incorporated into their
isolation. Or, on the positive side, it may own neurotic personality structures.
then permit a grappling with or tem- Beyond this, the individual arid his
p o r a r y resolution of the underlying society are in a constant dynamic inter-
affective state, so that the loneliness is play, each influencing the other. Lone-
replaced by a feeling of creative solitude, liness-producing factors in society will
of self-worth. only cause the person to feel lonely if
This leads to the question of whether he is already the carrier of emotional
there is or can be a normal, a healthily traits predisposing him to the loneliness.
constructive or a creative loneliness. I If his development has been more
am aware that these three terms are not healthy, he will not be so affected. That
synonymous. T h a t which is normal, in loneliness is so widespread is due to the
the sense of being frequent, usual, the fact that the neurotic personality--
norm, is not necessarily constructive; varying from the more severe to the
that which is constructive, in the sense more mild--is so prevalent.
of promoting healthy self-interest or The second factor which has been
growth, is not necessarily creative; and implicated in the genesis of so-called
that which is creative may surely not be normal loneliness, is freedom. I would
usual or necessarily healthy. I do not not use this term in the sense the
feel that loneliness is a healthy state; existentialists do, as a generic attitude
aloneness would be. Loneliness is a of a generalized mankind. I would rather
frequent, quasi-normal state. T h a t this limit its meaning first to a psychological
ubiquity may be related to the alienating trait, and second as it may be related
effects of the cultural factors mentioned to loneliness in the particular individual.
above--mechanization, shifting parental Freedom is an inherent part of healthy
and family-member roles, emphasis on psychological and emotional growth.
superficial externals--acting upon the The child's development is normally
individual, is subject to discussion. T h a t made up of constant patterns of change.
such cultural conditions exist is undeni- At each step he is involved in freeing
163
 JACK L. RUBINS

himself from previous embeddedness in becomes the latter when it lights up

and reliance upon known experiences, pre-existing emotional dispositions.
to move into newer, unknown arid un- Aside from whether or not loneliness
familiar ones. Freedom includes both an is normal there is the final question of
intrapsychic and an interpersonal whether it can be constructive. I believe
process. The prototype of the former is it can be when it may act as a stimulant
the experience of becoming aware of to enable the individual to become
himself as I, as separate, different and aware of and then resolve the need
distinct from the outsideas non-I, and relating to it, eventually leading to a
becoming aware of his own body image resolution of the underlying basic inner
and self-concept. This is but one such state. Another instance iis where the
step, and with each the child must feeling of loneliness appears in the person
temporarily stand alone, free. who has previously successfully main-
On the interpersonal level, the child tained in absolute form his major
(and later the adolescent and adult) has neurotic orientation toward others and
the healthy capacity to move against toward life--his satisfied dependency,
others in opposition, to move toward his detachment and resigned withdrawal,
them in closeness, and to move away his expansive domination which also
from them in solitude. I do not feel that keeps distance, his emptiness. Loneliness
such movements must necessarily be is better than deadness; as painful as it
accompanied, as Barry20 has suggested, m a y be, it can be the first indication
by "existential loneliness" which is said of awareness of some emotional needs
to arise from the "hopeless awareness of for others. Finally, just as with expe-
difference.., and separation [through] riencing of any suffering, it can be
placing the self in constant comparison constructive in strengthening the in-
and contrast with others." None of these dividual to go through similar future
constructive movements into aloneness, experiences, and at the same time be
none of these awarenesses of difference more sensitive to the same experience
or separation need be accompanied by a in others.
feeling of loneliness unless they become
compulsively determined by basic anxi-
ety or conflict arising in reaction to the
lack of acceptance, warmth, care from SUMMARY
the significant other persons. To these
could also be added trust, which
Weigert 81 has so wisely emphasized as This paper has attempted to call atten-
contributing to loneliness. tion to our present lack of conceptual
The feeling of being alone or lone- clarity about the phenomenon of lone-
liness associated with helplessness--the liness. The reasons for this lack lie on
basic anxiety of Horney, the primary the one hand in the qualities of the
loneliness of Von Witzleben, the essen- subjective experience--its exquisite sub-
tial loneliness of Fromm-Reichmann--is jectivity, the difficulty in communicating
not an inborn condition in spite of the it, the difficulty of identifying it and
infant's physical dependency upon his, separating it from other similar personal
to him, powerful parents. The same feelings; and, on the other hand, in our
holds true for creative originality or confusion between it and other objective
even individual difference, which often concepts or experiences which are com-
tends to set the person apart from his monly, although wrongly, subsumed
peers. This can be a constructive alone- under loneliness, such as aloneness, isola-
ness rather than loneliness, and only tion, withdrawal, depression, autism,
164
 ON THE PSYCHOPATHOLOGY OF LONELINESS

alienation. Our currently held psycho- called loneliness-producing or alienating

analytic concepts, whether classical, inter- factors in society, except insofar as these
personal or existential, have not helped may light up pre-existing predisposing
much to elucidate the nature of this factors within the personality. Lone-
experience. liness is never a healthy symptom in the
In order to distinguish between those normative sense; aloneness would be
related symptomatic states, I have tried healthy. But loneliness may be construc-
to define clearly the phenomenological tive as indicating movement in the
nature of the loneliness experience, as direction of the resolution of neurotic
well as to contrast each of these other conflict or increasing awareness of
conditions. Starting with the activities identity and self.
most frequently used by patients as
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 JACK L. RUBINS

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