Ut

hando:
PROLOGUE

1999, t
hey earIgotoutofmyshel landspr eadedmy
wings.Ihadal way sheldmy selfbackbutt hatdayI
gotpastmyf ear sandgotov ertheobst aclesIhad
setformy sel f.Iwast hebestbutIr efusedt o
acknowledgei t,every
oneel sebel i
ev edi nmebutI
fail
edtobel i
ev einmy self
.Thatdaywepl ayed
againsttheSt r eetSharksF.C, awel lknownsoccer
team tobeatanyt eam theypl ayedagai nstand
scoregoalsl iket hemat chwasnot hingbutabr eeze,
they’
df l
ythrought heiropponent sandr unar ound
thegroundl iket heyownt hesoccerf i
eld.Idon’t
doubtthatf orasecondbecauseI ’v
ewat chedt hem
play.

Butthatdaytheywer eplayingagainst,I
MBASA
GoldenTeam, wewer enotcal ledgoldfornot
hing.
Evenwhenwewer epl ayi
ngi ntheunder12category,
Itookmyl ov
ef orsoccerv eryseri
ouslyandnotonce
hadIaccepteddef eatverykindlysoIguessthat’
s
whyIst eppedoutofmycomf or
tzonethatday.The
otherteam hadunderest
imatedourcapabili
ti
es
anywaysot heymadet hi
ngseasyf orme.Wewer e
onat i
eof1–1, itwasatoughgamebutcoacht ol
d
ustofightforthatext
ragoaltowinthegame.The
Sharksbroughtthesamespi r
itt
othef i
eldsoitwas
fi
reagainstwater,t
hegamewentf rom 14°Cinthe
fi
rsthalfto100°Cinthesecondhalf.

I
nt helast2mi nutesoft hegame, Ihadt hebal l
undermyf ootandt ookasecondor2t oscant he
fi
eld.EnzokuhlewasopensoIpassedt hebal lto
him,Ithinktheothert eam hadnot icedt hatwewer e
thebesti nourteam sot heycov er
edusasmuchas
theypossi bl
ycould.Enzomov edf orwar dthrough
opponent 'smidf
iel
der sandpassedt hebal ltome, I
waspl ayingthemi dfi
elderpositi
ont hatday ,inevery
othermat chcoachwoul dputmeont hest ri
ker
positi
onbutnotont hatf at
efulday.Idr i
bbledt he
ball
,wentpastt het woopponent swi tht heball st
il
l
onmyf eetandpassedi ttotheSimot hest r
iker.
Hemanagedt ogetpastt hedef enderscautiously
av oidingfoulsandshott hebal ltothegoalkeeper .
Insteadofdi vingright,thegoal keeperdov eleftand
GOAL!Thecr owdwentwi ldatt hatpointandIj ust
sankdownt ot heground.Justt henthewhi stlewas
blownbyt her efer
eet osayt hatthegamewasov er
.
Itwascl ose, wewonwi th2–1.Thatwasagame
thatt heSt reetShar kswoul dnev erf
orget.They
play edwel lbutwepl ayedbet t
er.West oodi nline
andshookhandsbef orewewer eawar dedour
Encour agementawar ds.Ev eryonegott heawar dbut
onl ytheI MBASAGol denTeam gott oli
ftupt he
trophy .

Allmyf el
lowteam mat espr eferredbathingathome
si
ncet heshower sonlyhadcol dwat erandIwast he
oddoneoutbecauseIdi dn’thaveapr oblem withi
t.
Peopleleftthefi
eldincludingtheShar kst eam.I
usedt hatopport
unitytoslidtot heshower sand
washof fthesweat .Letthecol dwat ercalm my
nerves.Ihadallmyessent i
alswi thmeandas
expectedt hewaterwascol dasi ce.Washi ngmy
head,Ikeptonremi ni
sci
ngthegame–Iwashappy
wewonagai nstt hest
rongestteam andIsmil
edto
my sel
f.Myfatherisdefi
nit
elygoingtoknowabout
thi
sandmymot hermightaswel lcookt
hefoodI
l
ovesomuch.

Theshowercur
tai
nopenedandIt
urnedt
olookback.

“Coach!
”Isaidstar
tled.Ididn’
tknowwhatelset
odo
soIhidmypubi careawi thbothmyhands.Myhear
t
waspumpi nghardagai nstmychestandmyears
wentdeafforafewsecondsast headrenal
i
ne
rushedt
hroughmywhol ebody.

“Si
mbonga,”hesaidl
ooki
ngatmysmal
lfr
ame
nakedbody.“Iwantt
oseeyoui
nmyoff
icewheny
ou
aredone.
”

Nothavi
ngt
heabi
li
tyt
otalkaf
tertheshock–I
noddedt
ohi
m andhelef
taft
erclosi
ngtheshower
cur t
ain.Ist oodst i
llforaf ul
lminut ebeforeI
cont i
nuedt owashmybodyandst andundert he
runningwat ert oremov ethefoam.Ther el
axing
showerIwasl ookingf orwardtot urnedtoaner v
e
wr eckingexper i
ence.Idon’ tknowwhoIwas
expect ingbuti twasnott hecoachandIdon’ tknow
whybutt hewayhel ookedatmemademef eel
uncomf ortable.Bef oreleavi
ngt heshower ,Ishook
offthenegat ivethought sandgotdr essedincl ean
clothest hatmymot herpackedf orme.

“Thatwasagoodgame, I
’mveryproudofyouson.
Youhaver eal
l
yproventobethebestintheteam.
Youseewhaty oudidinthatl
ast2mi nut
esis
somethingevenImy sel
fwoul
dn'thavethought
,”
coachspokeupaf t
erItookasitopposit
ehiminhis
offi
ce.

“Ij
ustdi
dwhatIt
houghtwasr
ightatt
het
ime,
”It
old
him.
“Youaretoomat ur
ef oryourage.Yourquick
thi
nkingandcr eati
vit
ywilltakeyouplaces,
”he
l
eanedf orwardonhi sdeskwi thhishandsli
nked
toget
herandsai d,“Isawt hatthebootsyouplaywith
havewor noutandIcan’ thav emybestplayerbe
heldbackf r
om beingbetterbecausehei srunni
ngin
thefi
eldbarefoot.Thatiswhy–”hewentunderhi s
deskandpl acedapai rofnewsoccerboot sont op
ofthedesk.“–Iboughtt hesef oryou.
”

Myl i
pscur ledintoawi desmi l
e,looki ngatthe
soccerboot sIcoul dhearthem cal l
ingmyname–
“Simbonga!Si mbonga!Si mbonga! ”l i
kewhent he
audiencei nthefiel
dwoul dcallmynamewhenI
headedt owar dsthenetr eadyforki ckt heballpast
thekeeperandi ntothenet.Likemostki ds,
Ididn’t
havesoccerboot sthatwer eingoodcondi t
ion.In
facttheonesIhadshoul dhav enev erbeenal l
owed
i
nt hefiel
dt hat’
showbadt heywer e.ButI
understoodt hatmyf athercouldn’taf fordtobuyme
anewpai rsincehewasst il
lstr
uggl ingt omake
meansmeetatt hattime.
“
Real
l
y?”Iaskedexci
tedl
y.

“Yes,
”hestoodup, walkedar oundthedeskandsat
ontheedgeofthedeskr i
ghti nfr
ontme.“ Youcan
havethem BUTifIscratchy ourbackt henyou’
d
havetoscrat
chmi ne,
”hesai dadjust
inghishard
cockthatIdi
dn’
tnot i
cewassov i
sibl
eunderhis
pants.Iswal
l
owedhar dl ookingatit.

“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”Ishotmyey
est
ohi
sface.

“I
fIgi
veyoutheseboot
s,youwi
l
lhav
etodo
somethi
ngformeaswell.
”

Hest oodup,unbuckledhisbeltandunzi ppedhis

pants.Ishotmyey escloseatt hesightofhishard
rockcock,Ihel
dont omyseatl ikeIwasaf rai
da
whirl
windwouldcomeandt akemeawayf r
om that
chair
.Itwasbig,darkwithveinsar oundit–i t
sti
p
wascov eredwit
ht heextraskin.
“Simbonga,”hecal ledoutandasIopenedmyey es
hewasbusyst r
okingit.BecauseIwassi tti
ngdown,
hiscockwasdi rectl
yont heleveloffaceshouldhe
havest eppedcloserit’
dhav etouchedt hetipofmy
nose.“ Youli
ckitl i
kewheny oul i
ckyourpopsicle,
thatlargeswirl
si cecream topreventitfrom melti
ng
toy ourti
nyli
ttl
ehands, ”hesaidpul l
i
ngt heskinback
torev ealt
hepinkhead.Att hatt i
memendi dn’t
cir
cumci se–i tmadet hem lessofaman, t
heysaid.

Ishookmyheadr
aisi
ngmyey
esf
rom hi
scockt
o
hisface.

“
Ifyouwon’tdoi
tthenfinebutI’m sur
eEnzokuhle
wouldl
ovethenewboot sforthenextpracti
ceand
f
orthenextgamemat ch,”helookedatme.Onl y
t
henInoti
cedthathiseyeswer esmallerandred–
t
heyweren’
tastheynormal l
ywoul dbe.
IknewEnzoandIwer egoodatpl
ayingsoccerbutI
wasstil
lthebest
.Ifhewoul
dgetthebootsthenhe’
d
playwel
landbeatmyl evel
buti
fIgettheboots
thenI’
dbet hegreatest.Iswall
owedandshi f
tedon
myseat .Coachsteppedcl osertome,fearengul
fed
mebutIkeptr emindingmy sel
fofthenewsoccer
boatsont opofthetable.Theywereont hetipofmy
handsandt heonlythingstandingbetweenmeand
them i
st hi
scock.

“Yes.
..
don’tl
etthaticecr
eam meltont
oy ourhands,
keeponlicki
ng..
.goodboy,”hesai
dpatt
ingmyhead
andgroaninginpleasur
e.

Mypar entswer eoverthemoont ofi

ndoutthatwe
wont hemat chandt opofthatIwasnotonly
rewardedwi thanawar dbutIwasal sogi
vensoccer
bootst otopofthepr i
ze.Ineversaidany
thi
ngabout
whatt ookplaceafterthemat chorwhatIhadtodo
togett hosebootsbecauset hecoachandmyf at
her
weregr eatfr
iends.Thecoachwoul dhelpuswhen
thi
ngswer ereal
lyhardduri
ngt hemonth,i
fIsaid
anythi
ng, noonewoul dhav ebeli
evedmeandwor se
wewoul d'
velostourhelpi
nghand.
Twoweeksf rom thatday ,wehear dthenewst hat
thecoachwasat tackedi nhishomeandhewas
stabbed23t i
mesal loverhisbody .Theat tackers
evenwentasf arascut ti
ngof fhispeni s, t
hedogi n
hisyardwasf oundpl ayingwi thit–i magi ningthat
washor ri
fi
c.Icouldn'tsleep,Icoul dn'tstopt hi
nking
aboutwhathehaddonet omeandIcoul dn'tstop
butwonderwhyhewaski l
l
ed.Idi dn’tknowi fI
should’v
ebeenhappyorsad, him beingdeadmeant
Iwasnotgoi ngt obef orcedtodoany thingIdidn't
wantt odobutont heot herhand, itmeantwehad
l
ostt hehelpi
nghandIwasaf r ai
dwe’ dl ose.

Hewasbur i
edsoonaf terthei nci
dentandmyf ather
wasdev astat
ed–hehadl ostagoodf r
iend.Andt he
team hadl ostagoodcoach, soanothercoachwas
appointedbutIst oppedat tendingpracti
ce.Iletgo
ofmydr eamsofbecomi ngasoccerst ar.My
parentst houghtmay beitwasbecauseoft he
changeofcoachesbuti twasmor ethant hat
.Three
yearslater,Iwentbackt othef iel
dandIwast rai
ned
bythenewcoach.Hewasj ustasgoodasmyf ir
st
coachsoadj ustedveryquickl
y,Enzowasmade
captainoftheteam andIwast hedeputy.Myl
ove
forsoccercamebackj ustasstr
ongasitwasbef
ore
thatinci
dent.

Throughthecoach' sconnect ionswegott he

opportuni
tytopl aywithteamsi nandar oundDur ban.
Wewer est
illpl
ay i
ngf ortheunder15butt heteam’ s
spir
itwasov erwhelmi ng.Wepr epar edforthetr
ipto
Durban,wehadt ocont ri
buteequal shar
esofmoney
fortheaccommodat i
on,transportationandfood.We
practi
cedalmostev erydaypr eparingourselv
estobe
abletoplaywi t
ht hebest .Wedi dn’tseeourselv
esas
thebestcompar edt ot hesoccert eamsi nthecity,
wewer eat eam f r
om asmal lvi
ll
ageandwewer e
sti
llst
ruggl
ingt ogetsoccerboot st hatfi
tandarein
goodcondition.
I
nDur ban,
wewon2outof3mat chesthatwe
play
edin.Thatboostedourconfidenceandi treal
l
y
rest
oredmybelieft
hatIwast hebestinthegame
becausemostgoalswerescor edbymet houghI
wouldn'
thavedoneitwithouttherestofthet eam.
Whi l
eweweresleepi
ngintheroom provi
ded,
Ifel
ta
taponmyshoulderIopenedmyey esonl
ytofi
ndthe
coachstandi
ngoverme.Every
oneel sewassti
ll
sleepi
ng,i
twasalongdayandr estwaswhatweall
needed.

“Comeshareabedwi
thme,t
hatwayyouwon’
tbe
squashedupwi
thnopl
acet
ostret
chy
ourli
mbs–
come.”

Ifoll
owedaft
erhim andwebot hgotinundercov
ers.
Fi
v eminut
espassed,Iwascloset odr
ift
ingof
fto
sl
eepwhenIf eltt
hecoach'
sbodyagai nstmyback.
Hewast ooclosesoIshif
tedforwardtocreat
e
spacebetweenusbuthecamecl oser
.

“
Ungasabi
mfanawamiIwon’
tdoany
thi
ngyoudon’
t
wantmetodo,
”hewhi
sper
edint
omyear.

“
CanIpl
easesl
eepi
npeace,
I’
mti
red.
”It
oldhi
m,
f
earwasalreadycr
awli
ngall
overmybodyasa
t
houghtofhist
oryr
epeati
ngi
tsel
fcr
ossedmymind.

“Listen,”het urnedtolieonhi sback.“Ther eare

peopl ewhowantt ocomet oselectafewpl ayers
from ourt eam –onl ythebestandIwanty out obe
par toft hatlot.
”Hegotmyat t
entionsoIlistenedin
stil
l wi t
hmybackonhi m.“ Youarethebest
Simbonga, evenbetterthanEnzokuhlet hatcapt ai
n
posi tionshoul dbey ours.Withyourskil
l,youar e
dest inedonl yforthebestandy oucangopl aces.
That ’swhyI ’
m preparedt oputinagoodwor dfor
you.Ihav econnect i
onsandi nthenext4t o5y ear
s
youcanpl ayforandagai nstthebestprof essional
foot ballteamsi nJohannesbur g.”

Thatwasmydr eam,
Iaspir
edtoplayfort
hebest
team amongstt
hegreat
estandt
hat'swhyIpushed
my sel
f.

“
Scr
atchmybacksoIcanscr
atchy
our
s–i
zandl
a
zi
yagezana.”Ir
emember edthosewor
dsl i
kethelast
i
ncidenthappenedyester
day,i
twassti
llf
reshinmy
memor yli
keithappenedeveninmysleep.“You
wantthis?
”heasked.

“
Yes.
”Iexhal
edandpul
l
edt
hebl
ankett
omyneck.

“
Youcanhav
eit
,thebal
li
siny
ourcour
t.
”

“
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
odo?
”

“TurnaroundandI '
l
lshowy ou,”hesaidalr
eady
pulli
ngtheblanketoffmyupperbody .Itur
nedto
sleeponmybackandhet ookmyhandandpl acedi
t
ont opofhisalr
eadyhar dcock.Iswall
owedthe
l
umponmyt hroatandtouchedhiml i
keIknewwhat
Iwasdoi ng.“St
rokeit,
”hesaidheavi
ngt hr
oughhis
mout h.
Ididast oldforami nuteort wount il
hegott iredof
myhandandt oldmet ogetonmyknees.Hewasn’ t
ki
ndabouti tandthesweetki ndcoachIknewwas
gone.Hepul l
edmyshor tsdownt omykneesand
brushedt hetipofhiscockonmyanal entrance
beforeinserti
nghimsel fi
nwi thoutanyl ubricat i
on.
Hewar nedmenott oscream soIcr i
edsilent l
yashe
pleasuredhimsel f
.Ibledthatday ,thenextdayIwas
l
impi ngbutImanagedt opr etendlikeIwasn' ti npai
n.
Wewentbackhomeandt henaf ewday sbef orethe
peopl einchargeofthesel ectioncame, thecoach
hadhi swaywi thmewhi speringsweetnot hings
againstmyear .

Ifeltdir
tyandl essofamal ebutIstil
l didn’tsay
any t
hingandr emai nedt osuf
ferinsilence.I twasby
God’ sgracethatt hecoachkepthi swor dandIwas
selected.Manyy earswentby ,
mycar eeri nsoccer
grewandIwasawel l
-knownsoccerpl ay eramongst
thebest .Fr
om av il
l
ageboyt oacel ebr i
tywi nni
ng
awar dsateveryFoot ball
Awardscer emony .Asthe
yearswentby ,t hatmor edaunti
ngmydr eams
becameandmybodyst art
edchanging.Atfi
rstI
thoughti
twasnothi
ngbutthatwasuntilIr
eali
sed
thatIhadtodosomethi
ngaboutit
.

“
Whendidyoureal
i
sey
ouhadapr
obl
em?
”my
t
her
api
stenqui
red.
Isighedandsankmybodyi ntot hecoucht hatIwas
sit
tingon.Iknewt heanswert ot hequestionbutI
hadl ostmyv oi
ce.Tina,myt herapist
,closedher
notepadandl ookedatmewi thoutsay i
ngawor dor
pushingmet oanswerthequest ion.Shehasbeen
reall
ypatientwit
hme.Ir ubbedt hepal msofmy
handsagai nstmypant sandexhal edshar ply
.
“Ir
eal
isedIhadaprobl
em whenIcouldn’
tlookatmy
sonformorethan2minut
eswithoutgett
inga
boner.
”
Ut
hando:
One

Si
mbonga

Thesoundofr unningwat erjerkedmeoutofmy

sleepandmyey esopenedwi de.Iwasf eelingtir
ed
andl essener gized, fora32y earol dIf eltli
kea62
yearol dever ymor ning.Mybodyf eelsov erwor ked
may bet hey ear sofhar dwor kofbei ngachampi on
i
st akingitst allonmybodyaf ter2y ear ssincemy
reti
rement .Ir eti
redear l
ybecauseofKwandokuhl e,
myson, hewas8y earsoldwhenhi smot herdiedso
hebecamemyf ullresponsibil
ityfrom ther eon.I
couldn'tjugglemov ingf r
om onepr ovincet ot henext
whilehewasst i
llt
haty oung–Ihadt ost epupand
makesacr if
ices.Nowmysoni smyf i
rstpr iori
ty
beforeany thingel se.

Isl
i
doutoft hebedandfoll
owedt hesoundoft he
watercomingfr
om thebathroom 2doorsawayf r
om
myr oom.Whenitwasjustthetwoofusl ef
t,Isawit
ri
ghtthatIgetusasmal l
erhousej ustt
oel iminate
thatl
onel yfeel
inginabi ghousef i
ll
edwi thmor e
empt yroomst hannot .I
talsogi vesusl essr oom to
messsi nceev ery
thingandev er yroom isonsi ghtso
wedon’ tgetawayeasi lyfr
om t idi
ngupaf ter
ourselv
es.Thesmal lhousefor cesusnott obel azy
asther estoftheboy s–MmeRadebewoul dhav ea
fi
tifshe’dfindthehouseupsi dedown.Shei sthe
onewhol ooksafterKwandowhent hi
ngsgetabi t
roughonmyend.

Thebat hroom doori sslight

lyopensopeepedi nand
Kwandoi sst andingnextt othebat ht
ubwear i
nghi s
pyjamashor tsonl y
.Hehashi sbackonmesohe
can’tseemeandhi smi ndisfocusedont he
temper atureoft hewat er.Hekepthi shandinthe
wat erast het apcontinuedtor un,hewasslightl
y
bendi ngov ersohi sbuttcamei nt
ov i
ew–If elta
ti
cklishfeelingdeepi nsidemybel l
yasIlookedat
him.Mybodywasget ti
ngexcitedsomyhear t
startedbeat ingfaster,t
heexci t
ementwentst raight
tomygr oinsi nceIli
kedwhatIsawi nfr
ontofme.
Whent hewat erwasathi sdesi
redtemperatureand
amount ,
het urnedofft
het apandgotreadyt oget
i
nsidethetub.Her emov edisfl
i
pf l
opswhilehis
handswor kedonhi sshorts–Imademywayi nand
heturnedtol ookatme.

“Dadwhatarey
oudoi
ngher
e?”heaskedcl
ear
ly
confused.

Fora10y earold,
hehadamout hf
ul t
osayabout
whyMmeRadebeshoul dstopbathinghim andthat
hecanbat hhimself
.Hei
sabr ightl
adsoIhadno
doubtthathe’dmanageonhisownbutonl yona
condi
tionthatMmewoul dwashhi sbackatleast
onceaweekandweseal edthedeal wit
ha
handshake.

“Letmehel
pyouwi
tht
hat
,”Isai
dreachi
ngf
orhi
s
short
s.
“
NoIcandoitmy
sel
f.
”Hepushedmyhandsof
fand
t
hatonl
ymademeupset
.

“St
opf
ight
ingi
t–Iknowy
ouwantt
hisasmuchasI
do!
”

Ifor cef ul
lyt urnedhi m ar oundandhest artedcrying
asconf usionbef ellonhi smind.Mycockwas
alreadypoi nt ingoutofmyboxer s, pulsi
ngand
get t
ingmor ehar dwi t
heachpassi ngsecond.He
heldont otheedgeoft hebat htubwhi l
eIpr epar
edt o
fil
lhi m andpl easuremy self
.Hepl eadedf ormet o
stop, hissobsechoedi nsidetheroom andhef ought
tot ur nar oundbutmyhol dwastightonhi ssmal l
wai st .Ipushedi nandhescr eamedi npainbutI
quickl ycov eredhi smout hwithonehandbef oreI
start edmov inginsidehi m.Becausehewasmuch
shor terIbendedov erandputal l
mywei ghtonhi m.
Itfeltsogoodbei nginsidehim, i
nandoutImov ed
whi lehesi l
ent l
ycr i
edandsni f
fedundermypal m.
Ifeltbodytensingup, thepl easurewast oomuch
butIwasst i
llnotreadytor elease.Ihumpedhar d,
heav i
ngonhi sback–heshookhi sheadandhi sgrip
ont heedget i
ghtened–hewasi npain.“Daddywi ll
bedonenow- now, okay ?
”Iwhi sper edintohisear .
Finallymywhol ebodyj erkedup, mymi ndwentbl ank
asel ectr
if
yingwav esthatmademeshi v ercov ered
mywhol ebodyandt henIexpl odedi nsidehim.I
ti
ght l
yshutmyey esclose, groaningloudi npl easure.
Ifeltli
keawhol epar tofmel eftmybodyatt hat
momentandi twast hebestor gasm I’
veev erhadi n
years.

Afterthatrejuvenati
ngf eeli
ng,Iopenmyey esandI
am metwi thawhi teceil
ing.Myhandf eltwetsoI
remov edthecov ersinoneswi ng–myhandi sinmy
boxers,Ijerkedoffinmyhand!Ihuf f
edi nf r
ustr
ation
andslidof fthebed.Ifeltdisgustedinmy selfwhenI
sawmyl oadi nmyhand.Ihat etheper sonIhav e
becomei nt helast2y ears,event houghmyt herapist
sai
dt hedr eamsar enor mal andIshoul dn'tstr
ess
muchabouti t–Ij ustcan’thelpitbutbeangr ywith
myselfbecausethisismyson.Ishoul dn'
tbehaving
wetdreamsabouthi m, nevershoul
dIf i
ndmy sel
f
att
ract
edt ohim orhavesinist
erthoughtsofhow
goodit’
dfeeltobeinsidehim.

•••

Intheki t
chenIf oundKwandobusydoi nghis
homewor kwi thhi
sbr eakfastnotf arfrom his
exercisebook.Hei smul t
itasking,het hrowsina
mout hfulspoonofoat sinhi smout handgoesback
towr i
tingonhi sbook.Whi l
eIwasl ooki ngathim, I
gotstar t
ledbyt hepanhi tt
ingt hestov eandIbr oke
offthest ar
ej usti
nt i
mewi thoutgettinghar d.My
therapistputmeonat askaf ewday sago, tosee
howl ongIcoul dl
ookathi m wi thoutget ti
ngaboner
–wewer einasaf espacei nherof f
ice.Shet imed
mef or3mi nutesand16secondswhi chwasbet ter
thanev eryothertime.

“
Yourbr
eakf
astwi
l
lber
eadyi
naf
ewmi
nut
es,
”Mme
Radebesai
daf
terIhadgr
eet
edher
.

Shestay swithusf ullti

me, dayinanddayout .Idon’t
tr
ustmy sel
faroundKwando.Iknowhe’ smyson, I
neverwantt odoany thi
ngbadt ohi m orhurthim but
i
t’
sbet tertobesaf ethansor ryevenTi nathi
nksi t
’s
bestthisway .Idon’tevengett ospendmucht i
me
withhim, hehaswar medupt otheideabutitst i
ll
doesn’tfeelri
ght.Iwisht oplaywithhim, haveboyt o
mant alksandt hosef atherandsondayorni ghtouts
butit
’sdi f
fer
entwi t
hus.Her egardsmeashi sf at
her
butIfeel l
essthant hat–Ican’ tevendr i
vehimt o
school.

“Byedad,
MmeIwi ll
seeyouguy slat
er,
”hesays
hangi
nghisbagoverhi
sshouldersandrunni
ng
towardst
hedoor–histr
ansporthasarri
vedtot
ake
himtoschool
.

“Haveaniceday
,”Isaywavi
ngmyhandt
ohi
m ashe
closest
hedoorbehindhi
m.
Isighedandt ooktheal mostempt ybowlofoat sto
thesi nk.Asmuchaswehav ehelpinthehouse–I
makei tanecessi t
ythatweal socleanupafter
our selves.Iregardmy selfasast ay-
at-
homedad, as
muchasIdon’ tdomuchi nthatdepart
ment, i
t’
sonl y
fairIlif
tof fsomewei ghtof fMmeRadebe’ s
shoul ders.IfIknewIwoul dencountersuchpost
traumaasTi nacal l
sit,thenIwoul dn'
thaveleftmy
soccercar eer.Tinasay sonl y1%ofherpat i
ents
comewi thsucht rauma, shedoesn’tdealwi
thi tas
muchbutal soi t
’snotsomet hingsheisnotfami li
ar
wi t
h.

KnowingIneedhel pist hef i

rstst
ep,gett
inghel pis
thesecondst epandwor ki
ngt owardshelpingand
bett
eringmy selfi
st hethi r
dst ep–ast ept hatmost
peopledon’treachof ten.Nooneknowsaboutt hi
s
exceptformyt her apist,MmeRadebebel ievesshe’s
herebecausebei ngasi ngl edadishardf ormeandI
needapai rofextrahands.I ’
dnevergetmy selft
otell
herany t
hing,t
hel astt hingIwanti sforhert ocall
mear apist,t
urnmysonagai nstmeorwor sehave
himtakenawayf r
om me.Shewil
lneverunder
stand.
That
’swhyI ’
m gett
inghel
p,i
t’
sbecauseIdon’
twant
tobeseparatedfr
om myson.

Whi leIwentt hroughmye- mai l

sIcameacr ossane-
mai lfrom Di ngani Mavuso, aTechnical direct orof
thesoccercommi t
tee–al soanol dfri
endsofmi ne.
Iclickedont hee- mailandMmeRadebepl aceda
platewi thf ul
lEngl i
shbr eakfastonthet abl e.I
thankedherandsi ppedont hecupofcof fee.Thee-
mai lisact uall
yani nvit
et oameet i
ngthati st aking
placei ntwohour s, hedidn’tsaywhati tisaboutbutI
accept edany way .Heist heonlymanI ’veev er
trustedi nmyent iresoccercar eerbecausehehad
myback, notonl ythat,healsohadgoodi nt entions
andnotoncedi dheev ert r
yt ocrosstheboundar ies
ofourr el
at i
onship.Igotaf ri
endandasecondf ather
i
nhi m.

•••
Afterbr eakfast,Idrov estrai
ghtt oDi ngani’
soff i
ce.
Wear est i
l
linJohannesbur gIcoul dn'tmov efrom
here, Ihadgr ownt ol oveithereandmostgames
tookpl aceher einGaut engsoIcoul dn'tmov eto
anotherpr ov i
ncewhenal lmyt eam mat eshad
rel
ocat edher e.WhenIf i
nall
year nedenoughmoney ,
Iextendedmyf ather'shousebecauset heyboth
refusedt oleavet hev i
ll
age.Ifitwasf ormet hey’dbe
stayingUmhl anga, li
vinginluxur y
.Myf athereven
wentasf arassay inghedoesn’ twantt obe
separ atedfrom hisr ootsandf orgetwhohei s,my
mot heronl yagreedf ormet oext endonl yi
fshe’dbe
i
nchar geoft hepl ananddesi gn–women!

Ipar
kedout sidethebui
l
dingandmademywayi
n.
TheSecretaryknewthatIwascomi
ngsoshel
etme
i
ntoDingani’
sof f
ice.

“Mehl
omadal
a!”hesai
dassoonasIst
eppedi
nsi
de
hisof
fi
ce.
“
It
'sonl
ybeenafewmont
hs,
”Isai
dtaki
nghi
shand
f
orahandshake.

AsmuchasIr ef
ertohi
m asaf ri
endmor etimes
thanIref
ertohim asmyment or–Ihavet oomuch
respectf
ortheman.Itreathi
m asI’
dtreatmyf ather
soIknowwhent obeoverboar
dandwhennott o
crosstheboundari
esandbepr of
essi
onal l
iketoday.

“Takeasi
t.
”Hedoesn'
twast
eti
met
hat
’swhatIl
i
ke
abouthi
m.

“
Sowhati
sthi
sabout
?”

“Ihav
eat eam i
nDurbant
hatneedsacoach,
”he
saysleani
ngfor
ward.

“
Okay,
”itcomesoutqui
etl
yasIdon’
tunder
stand
whatt
hathastodowithme.
“Iheardthatyouareat t
endingtherapy,
”hel
ooksat
meandIl ookeverywhereelsebesideshiml
ooking
foraplacet ohi
deex cepttherewasnowayIcoul d
hidefrom him,whereverIam he’dfindmeli
kehe
foundoutaboutt herapy.“Theyneedacoachand
youneedsomet imeout .Timeawayf rom
‘
ev er
ythi
ng’.”

Byeveryt
hinghemeansKwandokuhl e,nowI ’
m
convi
ncedt hathedidn’
tdothediggingbutinstead
Tinacamet ohim.Ihav ement
ionedhi m qui
teaf ew
ti
mes,ormay beal
otdur i
ngmysessi onssoIthi nk
shehasahandi nt
hisandsheknewt hatI’
dnev er
saynotoDi nganit
hat’swhyshecamet ohim
i
nsteadoftelli
ngmet henewsher sel
f.

“
ButIdon’
thav
ethequal
i
ficat
ionst
obeacoach.
”

“Youar
ealreadyregi
steredtodoacourseonl
ine.
”
Hecamepr epar
ed.Her eall
yknowswhatheisdoing
andworkedhardtomakei thardformetosayno.
“
Ican’
tleav
emysonal
one.
”

“Hewon’tbealone.Par kf
iel
dBoy sBoar dingSchool
i
nDur bani
swi ll
i
ngt otakehim,”het ossedapi ece
papertomeandIt ookit–it’sanaccept ancelett
er
fr
om Parkf
iel
d.“Anddon’ twor r
yaboutt ravel
li
ngwi t
h
him,mywifewi l
ltakecareofhi sthi
ngsl i
keclothes
–hisessenti
als.Allyouhav etodoisgetdownt o
Durbanandleavet heresttome. ”

Iputthepaperdownandexhaledshar
ply
,“Whatdo
youknowaboutt heteam?
”hesmi l
edconvi
ncedthat
Iam actual
l
yconsideri
ngt
his.

“Femal
eteam,all
seni
orsandi
t'
saamat
eurt
eam i
n
KwaMashu,”hesmir
ksli
kehej
ustr
eadmymind.

“Ihav
etost
artf
rom scr
atch–t
hebasi
cs?
”Hei
s
unbel
iev
abl
e!
“Itr
ustyouSimbonga.Theydon’ tknowmuchbut
youknowev eryt
hingaboutsoccer.Ihav
esomeone
thatsidewhowillkeepaneyeont hegir
lsandyou.
I
t’safemaleteam andwecan’ taffor
danysexual
harassmentscandals.
”
“Idon’
tthi
nkIcandot
his.
”Coul
dn'
tTi
naf
ind
somethingel
se?

“Youwill
.Ifyoudon’twanttodoi tforyoursel
fthen
doitforthosewomenwhoar easpiri
ngforthesame
dream youhadasachi ld.Helpthem buil
dacar eer
i
nspor t
,growt hei
rlov
ef orsoccerandmostofal l
do
thi
sforKwando.Thi siswhaty ouneedSi mbonga.”
Hisfacehasr el
axedli
kehei spleadingwithmeon
thi
sone.
“Okay.
”Iexhal
edandwat
chedhi
m ashewi
dened
hissmil
e.

Nowhowwi l
lIbreakt
henewstoKwandokuhle.We
arenotspendingmuchtimet
ogetherasiti
sand
nowI’m movingaway.Andhewil
lbestuckin
boar
dingschool–hei snotgoingtotakethese
newsveryki
ndly.I’
m al
sonothappywi ththi
sbutiti
s
toworkonmy selfandhavesomet hi
ngelsetofocus
on–I’m doi
ngthisforhi
m, Ikeptonreminding
mysel
f.
Ut
hando:
Two

Zobuhl
e

Mymot hercamebackf r
om t hehospital,looki
ng
ti
redanddr ai
ned.Shehadbeenhav ingt ri
pst oand
from thehospi t
al everydayoft heweekand
whenev ershecameback, shehadt hesame
expr essionev erytime–not hinghadchanged.My
fatherwasadmi ttedinhospi talbecausehi sdiabet
es
hadgoneoutofcont r
ol,heneededt obei nthe
hospi talclosetot hedoct orssot hey’dmoni t
orhis
sugarl ev el
sbutf orthewhol eweeknot hinghad
change.Mygutt oldme, thingswer eonl ygetti
ng
wor se, notthatIcoul dunder standany thingatt hat
agebutIcoul dseef rom mymot her
'ssadness.

“Yourf
atherwant
stoseey
ouov
ert
heweekend,
”
shetol
dme.
ItwasaTuesday ,aschool dayandmyf athernev er
l
ikedi twhenImi ssedschool soIunder stoodwhyhe
want edt oseemeont heweekend.Iwasl ooking
forwar dtoitbutIcouldn'timagineatwhatst atehe
was, thelastti
meIsawhi m –hewasweak, he
couldn'twalknorf eedhimsel f.Mymot herhadt odo
everythingforhim.Shespental otoft i
mei nthe
kit
chenandi ntheirbedroom, ifshewasn' tpreparing
hisnextmeal thenshe’dhav ebeenkeepi nghi m
companyandat tendi
ngt ohisneeds.Idi dn’tsee
muchofhi m atthattime, hejustlai
donhi sbed,
mostoft hetimenakedwi thjustafleececov eri
ng
hispr i
vates.

Iwoul dpeepedintheslightopendoort ogettosee

him, myheartachedIdidn’ tunderstandwhyhehad
tobel i
kethat,
looksol i
felessandsot hi
n.My
mot herhadchangedhi sdiet,allhisfoodwasboi led
–not hingwasfri
edsot hatcont r
ibutedt ohimlosing
weight.Hisri
bsandcheekboneswer everymuch
vi
sibleunderhisskin.Helookeddeadont hatbed
andmymot herkeptthedoorcl osedasmuchas
possi
ble.Anotherthi
nghecomplai
nedaboutwas
theheat,hesaiditwast
oohotintheroom sot
hat’
s
whyhespentmor eti
menakedthannotandthedoor
wasslightl
yopent ol
etmoref
reshairint
other
oom.

Withhi m bei
ngatt hehospi talIt
houghthewas
goingt ogetbetter,hehadt henur sesand
professionaldoctorslookingaf t
erhim sot heyknew
whatt odoandwhatwoul dmakehi m betterunli
ke
mymot her.Iwascount i
ngdownt hedays, Satur
day
l
ookedsof arbuty etsocl ose.OnaThur sday ,
around7pm i ntheaf ternoon–Ir emembert hatday
veryper f
ectl
y,Iwasi nthel oungewat chi
ngt heNews
whi l
eIhadmyhomewor kbookonmyl ap.My
mot herwasbusywi thsomet hi
ngintheot herroom
andt henherphoner ang.Sheanswer edont he
secondr ingbutIcoul dn'thearwhatshesai dsoI
turnedmyat t
enti
ont ot hetv.

“
NO!”shescr
eamedi nherbedroom.Soonaf
tert
hat
api
erci
ngwailshookthewholehouse.
Idi
dn’tknowwhatt odo, Ijustfr
ozeandl i
stenedt o
myhear tbeati
ngagai nstmychestl i
keawardr um.
Myear swerebuzzi ngandmyheadwasf i
ll
edwi t
h
morequest i
onst hanconf usionasshecont inuedt o
wail
.Iremainedgl uedtomyseat , st
unnedandt hen
i
tdawnedt omeandat earescapedf rom myey e.In
afewmi nutes,myauntwhosehousewascl oseto
oursbargedinsidethehouseandheadedt owher e
mymot herwascr yi
ng.Iclosedt hehomewor kbook
andhelditonmychestasmor et earsfel
lonmy
cheeks–coul dn'thehol donal i
ttlewhilelonger ,
just
unti
lIhadseenhi m?

Mor erelati
vesgotinfrom mycousi ns,myuncl es,
aunt stomygr andmother,whoal sowai ledwhenshe
foundoutaboutt henewst hatherel destsonwasno
mor e.Noonehadt otell
me, Isensedi tandIf elti
t.
Thatni ghtIcoul
dn'
tsleep,thepictureofmymot her
sitt
ingont hatmatt
resswi t
hherheadundert hat
blanketwasst uckinmyhead.Icoul dseebyher
post ur
eandt hewayherbodywasshaki ngthatshe
wascr y i
ng.Theauntstookupt hewhol espaceon
thatmatt
ressandIcouldn'
tsitnextt
omymot her
nordidIgetahugofcomf ortfr
om her,ever
yone
wasjusttoobusywanti
ngt odoev er
ythingt
heright
wayandf or
gotaboutourfeeli
ngs.

ThenextdayIgott oseemymot her’sey esandthey

wer epuffyandr ed, shelookedbr okenandl ost.I
wast ooy oungtounder standthepai nbutIlostmy
fatherandI ’
dnev erseehi m agai nthat ’
swhatmy
brainkeptonr emi ndingme.Thecasketwasbr ought
homeaf ewday sl ater,Iwatchedf rom mybedr oom
windowast hemenbr oughtitinsideandt hechurch
womensangwel comi nghim home.Icr i
edbecause
that’
snott hepict ur eIhadinmi ndforwhenhecame
backhome.Iwi shedt oseehi m wal kinginonhi s
ownt wof eet,l
ooki ngst r
ongandheal thywitha
smi l
eonhi sface.

Idi
dn’tknowifIshoul
d'v
ebeenangryathimf ornot
wai
tingtoseemef orthelastt
ime.Apartofme
bel
i
ev edthatheknewIwascomi ngbutheletgo
beforethathappenedandt henanotherpartofme
said‘nooneknowst heirday’healsodidn’
tknow
that’
swhyhesai dSaturdayinsteadofWednesday .I
cri
edmy sel
ftosleepandt henlaterIwaswokenup
bymyaunt .Sheledmet othediningar
eawhi chhad
beent ur
nedi nt
o..
.Idon’tknow,ithadamat tr
essthat
mymot herwassi t
ti
ngonandaf ewfeetawaywasa
casketthathadmyf atherinsi
de.

Myauntpul l
edmei nsi
detheroom butIpulledback
andrestrai
nedfrom taki
nganot herst
ept owards
thatalr
eadyopenedcasket .Theywantedmet osee
himf ort
helastti
mebutIr efused.Iscreamednoas
sheforceful
lypull
edmet owar dsit
.

“Muyeke!
”(Leaveher
!)Ihear
doneoft
heot
heraunt
s
sayasIwailedonthefl
oor.

Shel
etgoofmyar m, Iqui
ckl
ystoodupandr anto
myroom.Icri
edagain,asmuchasi twastrue–I
di
dn’
twanttoacceptit.Hecoul
dn'tbedead,nohe
wouldn'tleavemel i
ket hat,Iknewt hatt hewhole
thi
ngwasaj oke–myf atherwasgoi ngt ocome
backtome, t
ous.Butt hosewer eempt ypr omi
ses,I
tri
edconv incingmy selfany thingelsebutt hetr
uth,
butthatwasshor t-
li
vedbecauset henextdaywas
hisfuneral.Iwokeupl i
ght ert hatmor ningand
preparedmy sel
ffortheser vicewithoneofmy
aunts’help.Thef amilyf r
om mymot her’ssidehad
comeandt heunclesthatl ivedi nfurthersideofthe
countrycameaswel lfort hef uner
al .

Aki nghaddi edsoev eryt

hingwasdoneasperour
custom.Idon’ tknowwhathappenedbutt hatdayI
didn’tf eel anyl ongi
ngorpai n–i tf
eltli
keanor mal
day.Iwasl aughingandt alki
ngwi t
hmycousi nslike
I’
ddoev er yot herday.Wechasedeachot heraround
they ar d,laughedatev erythi
ngli
keallkidswoul ddo
anddur i
ngt hattimeIf or
gotitwasmyf ather’
s
funeral .Itwashi slastdayabov ethesur f
ace,from
thereonhe’ dbeunder .Thement ookoutt hecasket
from t hehouseandst art
edchant i
ng,cheeringand
praising.TheThabet hecl annameswer erecit
edand
t
hewomenul
ulated.Itl
ookedmor
eli
keacel
ebr
ati
on
t
hani
twasafuneral.

Iwatchedt hewholethingf rom afewmet resaway .

Theypickedupandpl acedhi scasketdownal lover
yardwhilestil
lchanti
ngandpr aisi
nghi m ofhowa
goodkinghewas.Thewayt heywer esor oughwi th
thecasketIthoughthe’ dbel ayi
ngonhi sst omach
bythetimewel ai
dhimt or est.Thef uneral resumed
andhewasbur iedinthey ar djustaf ewmet res
awayf r
om ourhouse.Agai n,Icouldn'tsl
eept hat
nightbecauseIwast hinkinghewoul dcomeoutand
walkinsidethehouse, that'dhav ebeeni nhumane
anddeadpeopl eshouldn'tbebur i
edsocl oset o
peoplewhoar est i
l
lli
ving, Ithoughtt omy sel f.

Thefol
lowi
ngweek, mymot hersatmedownandmy
uncl
e,myfather
’sbrot
her,satnexttoher.The
atmospher
ewasi nt
enseandt ensionfi
l
ledtheair
.
Theyweretooseri
ousformyl i
king,whatevert
hey
wantedtotel
lmewassur elynotgoodnewsandt hat
madememor
ecur
ious.

“
Zobuhl
e,y
ouknowt
haty
ourf
atheri
sgoner
ight
?”

Inodded.

“
Hei
snev
ercomi
ngback.
”

Inoddedagai
n.

“Si
nceyourfat
herisgone,y
ourmot herneeds
someoneelsetotakecareofher,
”myuncl espoke
upandIlookedfr
om mymot hert
ohim.

“Wear egoi
ngt ogetmarri
edBuhle,
that’
swhatour
custom sayssinceyourf
atherdi
edyouruncleher
e
wil
ltakehisplaceaskingandhewillbestay
ingwit
h
us.”
“Iwil
lnolongerbey
ouruncl
e–Iam y
ourf
ather
hereon.
”

Ilookedathi m ast earswel l

edi nmyey es,Ishotmy
eyest omymot herandshedi dn'
tdi sputeanywor d
hesai d.Icouldseet hatshewasst illbr
oken, she
didn’twanttodot hisbutobv iouslywhowoul dwant
todef ytheeldersandt heancest ors.Thought hat
didn’tmakemef eel anybet t
er ,
Iwasangr yt hatmy
unclewant edtor eplacemyf atheronl yafteraweek
sincewel aidhimt or est,hehadnor espector
what soeverformyf ather,meandmymot her .We
wer estil
lmour ni
ngf orheav en'ssake!

Myangerandr esentmentformyuncl edidn’

tper i
sh
overthey earsinsteaditwasrestoredandbecame
mor estr
ongerwhenhet ur
nedmymot heragainst
me.Ihadj ustfi
nishedmat r
icandchoset otakea
gapy ear.Duringmyf reeti
me, whichwasev eryday,I
wouldgot othegr oundstoplaysoccer.Ifel
linlove
withitbecausei ttookmymi ndof falotofthings.I
spental otofti
meawayf rom homesoIwasless
angry,l
essdepr essedandmor efr
eei
nthefi
eld.Our
coachsawmycapabi l
i
tiesandt ol
dmetopushhar d
andnev erstopplayingbecauseIhadsomet hi
ngr eal
.
Iwashappywi t
ht hat,thatsomeonebeli
evedinme
butthatwasshor t-l
ived.

“Socceri
sf orboysandy ouareagirl
!Ifyoudon’
t
wanttofurtheryourstudi
esthenyoumi ghtaswell
getmar r
iedli
keev er
yothergi
rlatyourage!”he
shouted.

Mymot herwasst andingqui etl

ynextt ohi
m, she
wasshaki nglikeal eafinfearandnotoncehadshe
everlookedathi mi ntheey e.Iknewt heythoughtI
couldn'tseeitbutIknewt hathemistreatedmy
mot herbehindcloseddoor sanditmadememor e
angrythatshesawnot hingwrongwit hhowhebeat
herforev eryl
itt
lethingshedi dwrong.ThoughI
hatedmyuncl e,Ihadt houghthe’dmaket helossof
myf atherlesspainfulandmor ebearablebutheonly
madeitwor
seandtwi
ceort
hri
ceaspai
nful
.I
wi
shedformyfat
hert
ocomebackmorethanev
er.

“Li
stentoyourfat
herZobuhle,
Inev erwantt
osee
youdressedli
kethateveragai
n,”shesaidpul
li
ngme
byeartomyr oom.

Iwaswearingt
hesoccerjer
seyandshor
ts.Iwas
goingoutf
orpract
icebutmyuncl
esawmebef oreI
couldst
epoutofthehouse.

“
He'snotmyfat
her,mother
.Nev
erhav
eandnever
wi
ll
be.Ihatehi
m!”Isai
dassoonaswestepped
i
nsi
demyr oom.

“
Whati
swr
ongwi
thy
ou?
”

“Whatiswrongwi
thyou?
”Ipoi
ntedt
oher.Shehad
changed,
shehadbecamemoreofaslav
eandless
ofamotherandqueen.Icoul
dn'tseemymot
heri
n
thatwomanwhostoodinfrontofme.

“Girl
yyouwillr
especty ourfatherorl
eavemyhouse,
uyangizwaukuthingit
hini?”(am Imakingmysel
f
clear?)
,shesai
dpoi nt
ingtowar dsthedoor.

Ir
emai
nedsi
l
encebutmychestwasheav
ing.

“Changeandmeetmeint hekit
chensowecan
prepar
esupper
.”Shehadast r
aighti
nti
midat
ingf
ace
thatIwi
shedshe’
dhaveev er
ytimeshehadtocome
facetofacewi
thmyuncle.

Aftershehadl eft
,inst
eadofchangingIpackedmy
clothesinasmal lbagandt ookoutmysav ingsfrom
thebot t
om shelveunderneaththeclot
hesIl astwore
2or3y earsago.Ipackedev er
ythi
ngandst ashed
thebagundermybed, changedandmademywayt o
thekitchen.Iranforwardthatni
ghtwithoutlooking
back.Itwasqui etont her oadsandthatmademy
escapev eryeasy .Imadei toutofmyv il
lageaf ew
hourslaterandr ant othemai nroadwher eI
managedt ogetat axitotown.Ir odewiththattaxi
andnotoncedi dIr egr
etmydeci sion.Thef ur
theri
t
mov edawayt hemor elighterIf
eltandthenIwas
convincedthatIwasdoi ngt her
ightthi
ngf orme.

“I
t'
sbeenhour sil
okheuhambeemi ni,
”Phil
amy
neighbourinformsme.Eskom i satitagainwithload
sheddingandIwoul dn’
tbesurpri
sediftheelectr
icit
y
comesbackt omor r
owaf t
ernoon.I
’m speakingfrom
experience.Therewasat i
mewher ewel ostpower
for2weeksandt heyspanust heexcuseof‘ stol
en
cables’.

IthankedPhi
laandmademywayt omyr oom.Iam
renti
ngabackroom,t
hatlooksli
keashackwi t
ha
doorthati
sslanti
ngmoretotheleftandi
t'
sbya
miraclet
hatt
hewholethi
ngi sst
il
lstandi
ng.Ihave
beenhereinKwaMashufor7y earsnowandst i
ll
I
hav en’
tlevell
edupinli
fe.Iam tr
yingandatleastI
canaf fordrent,
foodandmyessent ial
s.Iworkhard
tomakemeansmeet–f r
om herotozeroIt
ellyou.I
hadev erythi
ngbutnowIhav enot hi
ng.Ther
ei sno
electri
cit
ysoI ’
m notgoingtocooknorbath.

Ithr
ewmy sel
fonthebedandl ookedupt other oof
whichhadafewhol est hatletthewat ercomei n
wheneveri
trai
ned.Ther eareal otofthoughtsthat
fl
oodmymi ndwhenev erIfi
ndmy sel
finaquietand
emptyspace.TheonesIhav etodayar enotfr
iendly
tomindsoturntolayont heside, cl
osedmyey es
andletsl
eeptakeov erme.
Ut
hando:
Thr
ee

Si
mbonga

Ilookedatmywar drobeandi tl
ookedal mostempt y.
Ipackedasmuchcl ot
hesasIcanbecauseIdon’ t
knowf orhowl ongIwi llbethatside.Dur banhad
alway sbeent heplaceIal way swant edt ogot o
whenIwasst i
llj
ustaboy ,Iknewnot hingabout
Johannesbur gexceptt hatthati
ti swher emost
dreamscomet olifeandnotbyanychancey ou
woul dn'tbeabletocomeoutoft hepl aceasanew
per son–i t
’supt oy ouifyouchooset ogr owand
followy ourdreamsorl etthi
splacet akeawayy our
dreamsandbel eftwithnot hi
ngbutal ostsoul.
Ev eryonemakesi ther eev enifyouar ebusi ness
manori pharawhatmat t
ersis–y oumadei t.

“Ther
e'ssomet
hingt
hatIhav
etot
ell
you,
”Isayt
o
bothKwandoandMmeRadebe.
Ididn’
tsayanyt
hingtoMmebecauseIwantedto
breakthenewstobothofthem att
hesametime.
Wear eintheki
tchensi
tt
ingar
oundthetabl
e.

“Iknowi
t’
sshor
tnot
icebutuhIam l
eavi
ngJobur
g
andIam goi
ngt
oDurbantomorrow,
”Il
ookatbot
h
ofthem.

“
I’
m comi
ngt
oo?
”Kwandoasksexci
tedl
y.

“Yesbutnotwit
hme, y
ouwi l
lgotoaboar ding
schoolandIwil
lbesomewhereelse.”Hi
sf acefel
l
andthatbrokemyheart
.Iknewitwasn’tgoingtobe
thebestnewsbutIdi
dn’ti
magineit’
dbethi sbad.

“Whatisthepoi
ntofhav i
ngadadwhenIcan’ teven
staywit
hhim?Youar ealwaysheredadbutit
’sli
ke
youarenothere–why ?”hisvoi
ceishi
gherthan
necessar
yandI’m shockedtohearhi
mt al
kli
kethat.
Mmeopenshermout ht osaysomethi
ngpossi bl
yto
repri
mandhi m butIstopher.I
t’
sallmyfaultandI
havetot aketheheat.Ican’
texpecthi
mt o
understandwhenhei sjustachil
d,hehadtodeal
withhismot her’
sdeathandmyabsencei nhisl i
fe–
alone.Ifeelbad,sel
fi
sh.

“Kwando?”Iext
endedmyhandt
otouchhi
m butI
quickl
yrememberednott
o.

Henot icedandst ormedoutoft her oom.Ir ubbed

myf acef ur i
ouslyandexhal edshar ply.Thishurts.I
don’tknowwhyIhadt obet heonei nt hi
ssituati
on,
myl i
fei smessedupandnowI ’
m messi ngupmy
son’slife.Iusedt hatti
met of i
llMmeRadebei non
whatwoul dhappenwi thherwhi leI’m gone, Di
ngani
wast hought fultoarrangesomet hingf orherinhis
fri
end'shouse.Theywon’ tbepay inghermuchbut
i
t’sbet t
ert hansitti
ngathomeandnotget t
ing
anything.Atl eastsheunder stoodandwashappy
thatIwon’ tleaveherst randed.
NowIhav
etodeal
wit
hthatsonofmi
ne.

May bei t
’saboutt i
meIgott of i
ndouthowher eall
y
feelswi t
houtmedoi ngt hethinki
ngf orhi m.Whathe
saidear l
ierreal
lyprov edthatIhadnegl ectedhim,I
wast oofocusedonmy selfandrestrainingmy self
from hurtinghimf orgetti
ngt hathealsohasf eel
ings.
Nochi l
ddeser v
est histreatment.I'
m sur ehei sold
enought oseet hataf at
herisn’tsupposet oactli
ke
this,hesur eknowst hatmybehav iourisn’tnormal
andt hatisconf usi
nghi m.May behet hinkshe’sthe
problem whenIam t heonewi ththepr oblem.

“
Son,
”Iknockedont
hedoorbef
oreIpushedi
topen.

Iwal kedinandmadesur etoleavethedooropen.

Hel aidinbedwi t
hhisheadundert hepill
ow.He
remai nedstil
landmadesur ethathedidn’tshowany
signsofl i
fe.Thenhisnosebet r
ayedhim becausehe
sniffedandt henhesighedfeeli
ngbetrayedbyhis
ownbody .Itookthechairnexttohi
sst udydeskand
satonitfaci
nghi
sdir
ecti
on.Iknowheknowst
hat
I’
m herebuthei
stoostubbor
nt ogi
vei
nandgi
veme
hisatt
enti
on.

“I’
m sorr
yfordroppingthatbombony oulikethat,
”I
spokeloudenoughf orhimt ohearme.Isighed
beforeconti
nuing,“i
t'
snotyou,it
’sme.Ihaveissues
thatI’
m curr
entlydeali
ngwithri
ghtnowandt hose
i
ssuesar eforci
ngmet ogoawayf oral
it
tl
ewhi le–
withoutyou.
“

Ipausedf
orawhi
l
ebecauset
her
ewasmov
ement
onthebed.

“I
’dtel
li
fIthoughtyou’
dunder
standbutyou’r
etoo
youngandthisthi
ngmightmessupwi t
hy ourhead.I
don’twantyoutohatemeorresentme.”

“That
'swhatyouar
edoi
ng,doy
ouhateme?”he
spokeupsti
ll
witht
hepi
ll
owoverhi
shead.
“
What
?No,Il
ovey
ouKwando.Mor
ethanany
thi
ngi
n
t
hewor
ld.
”

“
Sowhyy
ounev
ert
ouchmeorl
ookatme?
”

Heraisedhisheadandt urnedtolookatme.His
eyeswerer edandsti
llteary–Ihav ehur
tmyboy
thi
nki
ngt hatI’
m pr
otectinghim.Igottheur
getogo
tohim soIcancomf orthim soIstooduponlyt
osi
t
backdownbef oreIcouldtakeast eptowar
dshim.

“
See,
youar
edoi
ngi
tagai
n.”At
earf
ell
onhi
scheek.

“I
’
m sor ry
,”Isai
ddroppi
ngmyey estol
ookatthe
fl
oorinstead.Ibi
tthei
nsideofmycheekt ostop
my sel
ffrom sheddi
ngat ear
.“Onedayyouwill
understand.Iwil
lmakeituptoy ou,
okay?
”Ilooked
upbuthehadgonebackt ohi
dingundert
hepill
ow.
Ist
oodupandwalkedoutoft
hedoor.Idi
all
edTina’
s
numberandsheanswer
edonthefi
rstri
ngli
keshe
waswai ti
ngformycal l.WhenIt oldhert hat,she
saidshedealswi thalotofpeopl ewi thdepr ession
soshekeepsherphonecl osebecauseshenev er
knowswhent hey'dneedherandshe' dnev erforgi
ve
herselfi
foneofherpat ientsfeelsnegl ected
becauseshemi ssedtheircal
ls.Iti
sdi f
ferentwith
depressedpatientsbecauset heyhav esuicidal
thoughtsalmostev er
yt i
mewhent hi ngsgett oohar d
forthem tohandleorwhat everledt hem t o
depressi
ont r
iggerstheirmindagai n.

Aft
ershewasdonewi thherspeech, Igotachance
tosaymypi ece–I ’
mr eall
ywor r
iedaboutKwando.
Allthatangerhehadbot t
ledupi nsidehi m,can’tbe
goodf orhim nowandi nt helongr un.Tinasay sI
shouldl ethim coolofffornow, hewi lltalkwhenhe
i
sr eadyandshedoesn' tunderstandt hatI’mleaving
tomor rowsoIonl yhaveaf ewhour swit hhim and
aft
ert hatwewi l
lpartway s.WhoknowswhenI ’
l
lget
toseehi m againaft
erthis?Shet ellsmenott owor r
y
–shei sthedoct orandI ’
mj ustapat i
ent .
•••

Hecr i
edagainthi
smor ningwhenIsai dgoodby eto
him.Idon'tevent hi
nkhei slookingf orwardt ogoi ng
toDur bananymor eandt hatboar dingschool isthe
l
astt hingheneedsr i
ghtnow.MmeRadebepi cked
him upandwentwi thhimt ohisr oom.Inev er
want edthi
ngst ogot hi
sf ar.Itookmysui tcasesand
pulledthem tothedoor .Dingani’swi fewillcomei n
l
at ertocheckuponhi m.I t
'scloset othef i
nal year
endsohewi llst
artathisnewschool earl
ynexty ear.
Int hemeantime,hewi llstaywi t
hMmeRadebe, I
trustherwithhim.

IdrovetoORTamboAi rpor
twithaheavyheart.I
wishtherewasanot herwayandmay beifSi
sanda
wasst il
lherenoneofthi
swould’v
ehappened.Oh
SisandaintombiyaseMbumbulu.Idon’
tknowhowi t
happenedbutmeandmyboy sendedupi na
hospitali
nMbumbul u,wewereactuall
yinDurban
foragamet hatt
ookplacei
nPrincessMagogo
Stadi
um.Ihavesuchashortmemor yIcan’teven
remembertheteam weplayedagai nst.Iwas
hungover
,Idi
dn’tr
emembert heev entsf r
om theday
befor
eandallmyfriendwerejustasconf usedwhen
wewokeupatt herecept
ionoft hathospital.

“Bobhut
ingi
ngani
sizangani
?”(
HowcanIhel
pyou?
),
afemalevoi
cechi
rpedinaswewerebusyar
gui
ng
aboutwhogotusthere.

Ilookedf rom herhi ghheeledbl ackshoes, toher

fi
rm muscl edlegs–It houghtmay beherlegswer e
mi st
akenlyputonherbodybecauset hev oicedi
dn’t
mat chthesi zeoft hosecalves, thenmyey esroseup
toherkneel engthwhi t
euni f
orm andf i
nallytoher
face.Godshewasbeaut i
ful,Iev enforgotIhada
hangov erandr oseupfrom myseat .Shelookedat
meconf usedandt ookast epback.Myf r
iendswere
beingidioticbehi ndmebutIdi dn’tpaythem any
attent
ion, theladythatstoodi nf rontofmehad
takenall myat tenti
on.
“It
hinkIhav
eami
grai
ne.Doy
ouknowwhatwoul
d
hel
pme? ”

“
Yout
hinkory
ouknow?
”

Thegent slaughedbehi
ndmeandIcussedundermy
breath.Whydi dshehavetobesodiff
icul
twhenshe
couldhavej ustpl
ayedal
ongandleftt
hoseidi
ots
withnothingtolaughortal
kabout
.

“
Iknow,
”Isai
dpl
aci
ngmyhandov
ermyf
orehead.

Sheeyedmebef
oreshoot
ingherey
est
otheguy
s
behi
ndme.

“Anyoneelsewhoi
shungov
er?
”Mor
elaught
er
eruptedbehi
ndme.
Iexhal
edf
eel
i
ngmor
eembar
rassed.

“
No,
”theyal
lsai
dst
il
ll
aughi
ng.

Shel ookedatmeandt oldmet ofol

lowher .She
sway eddownt hepassageandl edmei ntoasmal l
room thathadasmal lbedandadeskj ustast ep
away ,i
twasapubl i
chospitaldeepi nthebundusso
Iwasn’ tsurpr
ise.Igrewupi nt hev i
l
lagesoIwas
usedt ot hi
ngslikethatbutnott hewomanwho
touchedmyheadt ocheckmyt emperature.She
could'vejustgav emepai nkil
l
er stogetr i
dofthe
painbutshehadt odragmeal lthewayt otheother
sideoft hecli
nic.
“
Whati
syourname?
”

“
Sisanda,
”shesai
dwi
thoutanyhesi
tat
ion.

Idi
dn’tunderstandwhatIf
eltaboutbei
ngthatclose
toherbutIfeltdrawnt
oher.Shewascl osebutnot
toocl
ose.Thespacebet
weenuswasbi
ggert
hani
t
shoul
dhavebeen.

“Umuhle,
”Itoldheranddamnshepul l
edthat
gorgeoussmilethatmademeweakonmyknees.I fI
hadstayedlongeraheadachewouldn’
thavebeen
theonlythi
ngthatwould'
veneededheali
ng.

Wet alkedfort
hosef ewmi nuteswehadt oeach
otherandwecl i
cked.Igott ofindoutthatshewas
actual
lyav er
yactiveperson,sheranal otand
parti
cipat
edinmar athonsandl ocalr
aces.Thatwas
thereasonbehindherf i
rm calvesandt hatslim body
.
Iwast akenbythat,shewasnotaf r
aidt osaywho
shewasandwhatshewas.Imanagedt ogether
numberandwest artedtal
king.Soonaf terthatwe
dated,becauseofthedistancebet weenust hi
ngs
gotroughbutwegotov erthoseobst aclesthat’
s
howwewentasf arasconceivingKwando.

Bef
oreshegav
ebi
rt
h,shemov
edf
rom Mbumbul
u
andmov edinwi t
hmei nmyf latinHy deParkbut
l
atersheconv i
ncedmet hatahousewoul dbea
betterpl acetoraiseababy .Notev enamont hl
ater,
i
twasaweekl aterwhenIgav ehert hekeystoour
newhomeandt osayshewashappywoul dbean
under statement,shewasov erthemoonandbey ond
herself.Ilovedthatwomanwi thev eryf
ibr
einme,
mypar entslovedherandev eryonear oundherl
ov ed
her.Shewasl i
kelightinadarkr oom andshe
definitel
ybr oughtlighti
ntomyl ife.Shemadel i
fe
l
ookeasybecauseshewasn’ tafraidoftheunknown
norwoul dshest ressaboutthingsshehadno
cont r
ol over.

Theni ghtshet ookherlastbreathwasthedayI

reali
sedt hatIli
vedforher.Myl i
fehadnomeani ng
befor eherandaf t
erIlostheronlyKwandokeptme
sane.Si ncef rom t
heni t
’sbeenjustmeandhi m,I
hav ehadaf ewpeopl ethatIusedt ot
akeoutmy
frustrati
onsandI ’
m notproudt osaythewor d‘used’
butt hat’sjustthehonesttrut
hoft hesit
uati
on.I
hav eopenedmyhear ttoloveagainbutit’
sjustthatI
haven’
tfoundt
her
ightper
sonwhoi
sfi
ttobemi
ne
andamot hert
oKwando.

Aftertouchi ngdownatKi ngShakaAi r

port,It
ookt he
hir
edcaranddr ov etoGl enAshl ey,i
nDur banNor th,
thatiswher eIwillbest ay i
ng–i nthesubur bfil
l
ed
withwhi t
epeopl e.Iparkedont hedr i
vewayandgot
outoft hecar .Atleastt hehousei snottoobigsoI
won’ tfeellonelyjustthatIwi l
lhavetodr i
veevery
mor ningt owor kandbacki ntheaf t
ernoon.Itook
thesui tcasesinsidet hehouseandf r
om theupst air
s
windowIcoul dseet hev iewoft hebeach.Thisi s
goingt obeanamazi ngst ay.IhopeDur banwillheal
thewoundst hatneedheal ing.
Ut
hando:
Four

Si
mbonga

Iam notaper
fect
ionist
,butIl
i
ketofeelthatt
hings
needtobedonewell.Mostimpor
tantthanthat
, If
eel
anendlessneedt ol earn,t
oimprove,t
oev olve,not
onlytopleasethecoachandt hefansbutal sot ofeel
sati
sfi
edwi thmy self.I
tismyconv i
cti
ont hatt here
arenolimitstolearning,andthati
tcannev erstop,
nomat terwhathowol dwear e.–Christ
iano
Ronaldo.

Afterbei
ngsel ectedoutofmyt eam mat esbackin
2002,Iwassentt oaf ootbal
lacademywhi ch
all
owedmet oat tendschoolwhi l
stpractici
ngto
becomeapr ofessionalsoccerplayer.Ihadlimi
ted
ti
met omy selfsincebot hschoolandsoccer
demandedev erylit
tl
et i
meIhad.Ihadt oputas
muchef fortIputonsocceronmyst udiesaswel l
.
Afterfi
nishingmat ri
c,Iwasablet ofocusonone
thi
ngandt hatissoccer .AndIimpr oved.Igrewup
withthebal latmyf eetandnotoncedoIwantt o
takethatawayf r
om meorany oneelsewhoaspi res
forthesamedr eam.

That
’swhyIst
art
edaNGO,
AkwandeFoot
bal
l
Scheme, thathel pschil
drenwhol ov esoccerasIdo
withsoccerj erseysandsoccerboot s.Wef ocus
mor eont hechi ldr
enbackint hevil
lages, theones
mostpeopl eov erl
ookbecauset heyt hinktheywon’ t
makei tforgettingthatthat
’swher eev eryonest arts.
Hardwor kleadst osuccessandt hoseboy swor k
veryhardev eryday ,
workingtowardst hedr eam in
thei
rhear t
s–i t '
snotaboutt heskil
ls, i
t’
saboutt he
l
ov eaffai
rbet weent heboyandt hebal l
.Idon’ twant
them togot hroughwhatIwentt hrough.Emot ional
scarsaremor eper manentthanphy sical scars.

Myf atherishandlingt heorgani

zati
onbr anchi nmy
vil
lage,whereIcomef rom,heisnotonewhol ov es
soccer–hedoesn’ tev enknowwher emyl ovef or
soccercomesf rom becausenotev enoneofmy
relat
ivesfrom bothfami l
i
essharethesame
sentimentasmi ne.Buthenev erstoodbet weenme
andmydr eam, heallowedmet owor ktowardsmy
goalsanddr eams, andcheer edmeont ogetherwi th
mymot her.Theyhav ebeenmybi ggestsuppor ters
sincethev erybeginning,whenIwasst illpl
aying
withtheballmadeofplasti
cbagsinthestreets
barefoot.Whenthegoalpostwasinbetweent wo
rocks,wehadnor ef
eree,nocoachbutjustplayer
s
andf ans.

LikeIment ionedbef or e,it’

sall aboutt heloveaf fai
r
betweent heboyandt hebal l
.It’shar df ormostt o
understandast heymayt hinksocceri snota
guaranteedcar eer,t
her earemaj orinjuriesthatone
mayencount erandt hat’dbet heendoft heircareer
i
nt hefield–t hat’
strue, wecannev erdi sput ethat.
Butever yonehast of i
ghtt oreacht heirdr eams, they
havetosacr ifi
ceandwor khardf orit–not hing
comeseasy .Ifyoubel i
ev einy our selfthennoone
canstandi ny ourway .Ther eal otofpeopl elooking
upt oyou, youmaynotknowi tbutonedaywheny ou
arenotl ookingorex pectingitsomeonewi l
lwal kup
toyouandsay ,

“
..
.whaty
ouhav
eisr
eal
.You’
vegott
alent
.”
That
’swhatDi
ngani
sai
dtomewhenIf
ir
stmethi
m.

Ididn’tevenknowt hathewaswat chi

nguspr acti
ce.
Hehadcomet ocheckupont hepl ayers,ourcoach
andmanageraspar tofhisjob.Hepl acedhishand
onmyshoul derandweshar edamomentl ooki
ng
i
ntoeachot her'
seyesashev oicedoutt hosewords.
Ifeltsomethingmov edeepinsidemyhear t,
not
oncewasdoubti nfl
ictedinsi
demymi ndandI
beli
ev edeverywordt hathesaidbecauseheal so
beli
ev edthatthosewor dswer etrue,notonlytome
butt ohimselfaswel l
.

That
’swhenourr el
ati
onshipst art
ed,wemov edfr
om
mentorandpl ayert
obei ngfri
ends.ThoughInev er
gott
ot el
lhim andbehonestofhowIgotwher eI
was–hewast henumberoneper sonIcoul d
conf
inein.Hewast here,st
il
li
s, everydayandatany
ti
meoft henight.Havingaper sonl i
kehim mademe
l
etgoofmyf earsIhadaboutwhathappenedor
whatwasgoi ngoni nthesocceri ndustryespeci
all
y
tothosewhoar esti
l
lgrowing.Thesexualabuse.I
t
happenedt henbuti
tissti
l
laffecti
ngmeev ennow
anditbreaksmyhear tt
olearnthether
ear est
il
l
peoplewhodot hesekindofthingstoyoungboys.

Therear epeopl ewhol urechildrenbysel l

ingthem
dreamsbutonl ytot aket hosedr eamsawayf rom
them byt akingadv antageoft hem –sexual abuse
andassaul tisreal.Ifithasn’thappenedt oy ou, your
chil
dorany oneelsear oundy ou, i
tdoesn’ tmeani t
’s
nothappeni ng.Ther ear efakef oot ball
academi esall
overthecount r
y,most lytheyt argett heboy sf rom
thevil
lageswhoaspi retoplayf ort heprof essional
soccerteamsi nJohannesbur g.Theysel lthedr eam
andwebuyi t,
onlyf orthose“ coaches”t oscam
parentsandsexual l
yassaul tthey oungboy s.

Notonlydotheytakeawayt hei
rinnocence–some
l
etgooft hei
rdreamsofbecomi ngasoccerpl ayer
becausetheyareafr
aid,t
heytrustedamant hey
l
ookedupt o,t
heirmentorandrolemodel ,
onlyfor
himtot akeadv antageofthepowerhehadi nt
heir
minds.Thepostt raumaofanysor tofabuseisa
veryhardthingt odealwith,manyhi deit
,theyburyi
t
deepdowni ntheirchestsonl yfori
ttoeatthem
kancane-kancane.Pai nchangespeopl e,t
he
emotionalpaini stheonet hatisthetoughesttodeal
wit
hbecausei tst aysengrav eddeeperthanany
physi
cal pai
n.
Awoundheal
sandleav
esascarbutabet
ray
ed
hear
tnev
erheal
s.

•••

Theyarer unningaroundt hef i

eldchasingaf t
erthe
ball
.Icheckoneachsi deoft hef i
eldandt hereare
nogoal keepers.Ikeepmyhandsbur ieddeepi nsi
de
mypocket sandlookatt hem, theyhav en'
tnoticed
meandI ’
m notcompl ainingbecauset hisgiveme
ti
met oseeexact lywhatI ’m goingtobedeal i
ngwi th.
There’
sisagi rl,
excusemei t'sawoman, withshort
darkhair,sheiswearingay ell
owj er
seywi thnumber
20ont heback–shei sgood.Icanseet hatshe
knowswhatshe’ sdoingbutiti
skindofconf usi
ng
becauseitl
ooksl i
kesheisplayi
ngallposit
ions–
str
iker
,midfi
elderanddefender
,allatonce.

There’sabout26oft hem inthefiel

dst i
llchasing
aftertheball,Ithoughtt hereshouldbe22pl ayersin
thefieldincl
udi ngthegoal keepers–t here’salotof
wor kthatneedst obedoneher e.Iblowthewhi stl
e
andev eryonest ops.Theot hergi
rlhadkickedt he
ballintheair,itgoest hrowev ery
oneandhi tsthe
othergirlonthehead–mybad.Isi gnall
edf orthem
tocomef orwar d,towher eIwasst andingandt hey
l
ookedt i
red.Idon’ tblamet hem,chasingi smuch
mor etiri
ngthanat tacki
ng.
“
Sani
bonani
,
”Igr
eetscanni
ngt
hecr
owdbef
oreme.

Aft
err
eplyi
ng,oneoft
hem put
supt
hei
rhandandI
humourher.
“
Whoar
eyou?
”sheasksandIchuckl
e.

“That'
sthefi
rstandforasoccerplay
eri
tisact
ual
l
y
quitesur
pri
singthatyoudon’tknowme,
”Isay
pointi
ngtomy sel
fandfoldi
ngmyar mstomychest.

“
Shoul
dweknowy
ou?
”sheshoot
sback.

BeforeIrepl ytoher ,t
hegi rlwithshortdarkhair
wear i
ngay ell
owj erseyraisesherhandandsay s,“I
knowwhoy ouar e.”Igiveheral lmyat t
entionandso
dot heothergi r
ls.“Youar eSi mbongaMasuku,
str
ikerandnumber16ont heBi cUrbanF. C.,
awar dedthebestf ootball
play erofthey earawardi
n
2012andr etir
edi n2018.Theonl ythingIwantt o
knowi swhyar ey ouher e,
”shesay st i
lt
ingherhead
tothesidewi t
hherhandsonherwai st.

Sheisgi
vi
ngmethebadgi
rlvi
bes,youknowthose
oneswhocomeatyouwi
ththe‘I
-know-
it
-al
l
’att
it
ude
andalway sbecomedef ensi
vewheneveryoutouch
anypartoft hei
rpersonal l
i
ves.Iknowsheisgivi
ng
meabr avefacerightnowbutbehi ndt
hatmask
there'
say ounggirlwhoi srunni
ngawayfrom the
painoft hepast.

“
Looksli
kesomeonedi
dtheirhomewor
k,”Idi
pped
myhandsint
omypocketsagain.“
Andwhoareyou?”

“Iam ZobuhleThabethe,andthatoverther
e–”she
point
st othegirl
whoaskedwhoIam, “t
hatis
Sli
ndil
e.Andt hentherestwil
li
ntroduce
themselves.
”Shel ooksatmedeepi ntomyey esand
Ifeelcompell
edt odothesame.
“Soy ouar eacelebr
it
y?”asqueakyv oi
cechirpedin
andIbr okeofft
hegaze.Sl
indil
est epsforwardand
l
ooksatmel i
keshe’sgoi
ngt oeatmeal i
ve.Atfi
rstI
didn’treali
seshewaschewi ngthatchappiessohar d
andl oud, f
rom wher
eIwasst andingIcouldseeher
uvula.
“I
tdependswhoy ouareandi fyouwanttoseeme
asonebutI’mjustanordinaryper
son.Okay,as
Zobuhlementi
onedIam Si mbongaMasuku,f or
mer
soccerpl
ayerandfrom hereonIwil
lbeyourcoach.
”I
announced.

Somegaspedandt her eststart

edt alkingamongst
eachot herlikeI’m notthere.Iseet hatZobuhlei
s
thei
rgot oper sonwhent heyhav equest i
ons
becauser ightnowt heyar egri
ll
i
ngherwi th
questionst hattheycoul djustaskme.Ther e’
sonly
oneper sonwhoi scur rentl
yhappywi ththenews
andt hatisSl i
ndil
e,shei sgoingt obehandf ul
.Ihave
tosett hegr oundrulesear lybeforeshej umpsand
crossest heboundar i
esbecauser i
ghtnowt hegirl
is
havingt r
oubl ewithf i
ghtingtokeepherhandst o
herself.

“Okaythat
’senough!”sil
ence–good.“ I
fyouhave
anyquesti
onscomet ome.ButrightnowI’mtheone
withquest
ions,Zobuhlewhichposit
ionareyou
pl
ayi
ngony
ourt
eam?
”

Sheopenshermout honlyt
oclosei tbefor
eshe
utt
ersanywor ds.It
il
tmyheadt othesi deandsheis
havi
ngt r
oublewithfi
ndingherpositioni
nherhead.I
l
ookedatt herestandtheywereeitherlooki
ngatthe
l
eft,r
ight
,upordown–noonel ookedatme.

“
Pract
icei
sover.Makesureyougetenoughr
estf
or
t
omorrow.Youaredi
smissed.
”

Iwatcht hem ast heymov eawayt ot heothersi

deto
gettheirbelongings.Ineedt hi
sti
met odrawupa
planofhowt otrainthem, Idon’
tevenknowwhatI ’
m
tr
aini
ngt hem forbutf orthem tobeher eatthi
stime
ofthedaywhent heycouldbedoi ngany t
hingel
se,
showst hattheirlovefortheballi
sr ealandsome
areusingt hi
sasanescapesoIcan’ ttakeitaway
fr
om them.
Ut
hando:
Fiv
e

Zobuhl
e

BetweenLaLuci aandGl enAshl ey ,

downont hef ar
southsideofSunni ngdalePr i
vateHospi tal l
iest he
fourrectangularwal l
sofGl enLandsMent alHeal th
Facil
it
y.Fr om thef ulll
engt hglasswi ndowy oucan
seethev iewoft hesmal l parkwi thgreengr ass
alwayscutt oasmal ll
engt handar ivuletjusta
stonethrowawayf rom thewoodenbencht hatis
occupiedmor ebybi r
dst hanhumans.Thenf ur t
her
awayt here'sanel ectri
cf encet hatsepar at est he
faci
li
tyandt hedar kforestt hatlooksmor escar yin
dayli
ghtt haninni ghttime.I fyoul ookf urtherdown
theforest,youcanseet heocean–bl ueliket hesky ,
youcanev enf eeltheseacol dbr eezei ntheear ly
hoursoft hemor ning.

GlenLandsi
st hehomeoft
hepeopl
eweconsider
not‘normal
’
,theoneswhohav
emor esenseof
humourt hantherest,theoneswhoseemor ethan
whatmeet stheey es,theoneswhobel i
evetheycan
readmi ndsandcanf lytoMarsandbackwi t
houta
spaceshi p.Famili
esofmanyhav egrownt ir
edof
them,‘theycan’tli
v ewithmaniacs’theyoftensay
andsomei t
’sbecauset heyarebett
erof fheret
han
outtheresi ncetheyareadangert ot hemselves
moret hant othosear oundthem.Liket hemani n
room 1, hehasbeenher eforonlyay earbuthas
about102sui ci
deat t
empt snexttohi sname.

Nooneknowst hereasonbehi ndi t,Ialsodon’ t

understandwhyt heyst ophi mf r
om escapi ng
becauset omedeat hseemsl iket heeasi erwayout
thantoliveinsucht or
tur e.Heknowswhathei s
runni
ngawayf r
om andmay bei t
’stoobi gforust o
understand.Somespendmor et imeasl eept han
awake, Si
sterMar t
hasay sthesecr etisi nt he
pudding.Theytrickthepat ientsi ntotaki ngt hedrugs
byputti
ngt hem intheirdesser ts, i
tmakesi teasier
thanforcingthedrugsdownt heirt hroats.Mar t
ha
hasbeenwor ki
ngher ef or23y ears,andwhatIhav e
seeni
nmy3y ear
sofwor
kingher
eisnot
hing
comparedt
oher.

“Thesepeopl
edon’
tgetbet
ter
,theyonl
ygetwor
se,
”
sheoftensay
s.

Ihaveseeni twithmyowney estoo,therewasa

manwhospentt i
mepl ayingchessal oneall t
het i
me,
I’
dstartmyshi fthe’
dbesi tti
nginfrontoft heboar d
andI’
dl eaveintheaf t
ernoonandhe’ dst i
llbestuck
onthatchairstaringatthechessboar d.Theev ents
ofthenextday ,shockedmet odeath, hewas
runni
ngupanddownt hehallbuttnakedsay ingthat
hehasamessagef rom Jesus, amessaget hat’
d
savethewor ld–t hesecur i
tytri
edtost ophim.They
chasedhi m outofthebuildingwithhim say i
ng“ Lord
savemef r
om thesev ult
ures,theywantnot hingelse
butmysoul –takemenow! ”.

Hearr
ivedwalki
ngonhi
sownt wofeetbutthatday
hewasstrappedont
hestr
etcherwhi
leswimmi ngi
n
thedrugst hatwer ef l
ushedi ntohi ssystem.Hewas
putinsidethebackoft heambul anceandaf ew
minutesl at
ert hesi renf adedt owar dsnorth.Thati s
whatmostoft hesepeopl eher ef earthemost ,you
neverwanty our sel
ft obel abelledast hewor stcase
andbepar toft hest atisti
csoft hosewhodi dn’t
makei toutal i
v e.Somey oucanl aughatt hem, not
thattheirsit
uat i
oni sf unnybutbecauset heirsense
ofhumouri sinsane.Thent herear esomet hatwhen
youlookatt hem, y
oucanr eflectandr elatet othei
r
pain.

Li
ket hewomani nr oom 3,53y earoldmot herof3
chil
dren.Idon’tknowmuchaboutherbutwhatI
knowi sthatshewasphy sical
lyandemot i
onally
abusedbyherhusband–t hefatherofherchi l
dren.
Oneni ghti
twassobadt hathebangedherhead
againstthewall,hewant edtoki l
lherandhedi d.The
doctorsdidtheCTscans, theMRI sandt heygott he
samer esult
s–br aindamage.Becauseoft he
tr
auma, sheissuf feri
ngfrom SplitPersonali
ty
Disorder–shel i
v eswithdiff
erentpersonalit
iesto
escapethepainthatshewentthr
ough.Sometimes
she’
dspeakt ohersel
fandhaveargumentswith
peoplewhichusedtobetherebutwecan’tseethem.

Someday sarewor sethant heot her

sandt he
puddingr eall
ydoest het rick.WhenIl ookather ,I
usuallythinkofmymot heratt het i
mewhenIf ound
herlay i
ngont hefloor,tooweakt oevenlif
taf i
nger.
Ihadhear dthem arguingt heni ghtbeforeandI
couldn'tsleep,t
heywer et ool oud–Ikeptont ossing
andt urning.Thatmor ningIf oundheront hefloor
,I
knewwhathadhappenedbutshehadnobr uiseson
herfacesoIl i
ft
edherpy jamat opbecauseIbel i
eved
thebr ui
seshadt obesomewher e.Igaspedinshock
atthesi ghtofadar kpur plemar kont hesi
deofher
stomach.

Aftertreati
ngher,thedoct
orsaidshehadani nt
ernal
bleedingandt hebloodhaddri
edupwhi chcreated
clott
ingonherv eins,i
tbl
ockedherbloodsupplyto
theot herpart
sofherbodysot hat
’swhyshef ai
nted
andt heyhadt ooper atehertoremov etheclotti
ng.
Whenasked, myuncl esaidshefell
–t helame
excuset hatallabuser susetohidetheirdi
rt
.It r
ied
convincingmymot hertorepor
thim butsher efused,
sheal sobackeduphi sexcusebyagr eeingthatin
deedshef ell
,shesl i
ppedandhittheedgeoft he
bathtubwhi letryi
ngt ostepoutofit.Thedoctor
couldn’tdoany thi
ngbecausei fthere’
snov i
ct i
m
thent hereisnocr i
me.

Iusuall
ystandbyt hewi ndowandwat cht hebirdsas
theyfl
yinandoutoft heirnests.Checki ngupon
thei
reggsbeforeflyi
ngoutt ohustleforf oodfor
supper.I
tisastoryIcanr elateto,Ihust l
eev er
yday
tosurvi
veandbeggar scan’ tbechooser s–that’s
howIendedupasacl eaneratGl enLandsMent al
Healt
hFacili
ty.I
ttakesmet hreetaxist ogetherei fI
gov i
atownandt wot axisi fIgov iaGat ewayMal lin
Umhlanga.Ifi
twasn’ tfort hestafftaxi t
hattakesme
atmygat eeverymor ningt henal lt
hemoneyIget
wouldbespentont r
anspor t.I
ntheaf ternoon,Itake
ataxibecauseIalway sleav eear l
ybefor eeveryone
el
se.

Get ti
ngat axi oranysor toftranspor taroundher eis
diffi
cultsincepeopl est ayawayf rom thefacili
tyas
muchaspossi bl
e.Thebui l
dingi ssur roundedby
l
andandt rees, securityisreal l
yt i
ghtandnotonce
sinceIst ar t
edwor kingher ehadIhear dthatoneof
thepat ientshadescaped.Thedoct orsandnur ses
arer eall
ygoodwi tht hepat i
ent sandy oucansee
thatt heyreal l
ywantt ohel pt hem.Thecl eaningjob
i
snoteasysi ncesomepat ientsf orgetwhi chwayi s
thet oil
et,somegoasf arandr elievingthemsel vesin
thef lowerpot s.Everymor ningt hesmel lofpee
cov ersev eryinchsquar eoft hebui l
dingandgoes
straighttomygut ,whenIf irststar t
edIusedt ogag
andgoasf arast hrowi ngupbutnowI ’m gett
ing
usedt oit
.

Arr
ivi
nginKwaMashui t’
s4pm i
ntheafter
noon,
j
uggli
ngwor kandpracti
ceonaFri
dayisanightmar
e.
Thepract
iceusual
lystar
tswhenIarr
iveandthat
wouldbeat3pm onev eryot herdaybesi desFriday
andtodayI’
m suretheyhav estart
edwi thoutme.At
l
eastthewal kf
rom myst opt othegroundsi s
warmingmeupandbyt het imeIgett ot hefiel
dI’d
befir
edup.Asexpect edt heyhav estartedandasI
approachcoachSimbongabl owsthewhi st
le.He
putsuphishandstosi gnal t
imeout .Iwal kupt ohim,
heturnstolookatmeandgr untswalkingaway
l
eavingmest andi
ngther e.

Thegir
lscometowhereIwasstandi
ngwi t
hchest
heav
ing,sweat
ybodi
esandshakingknees.

“I
fIknewhav i
ngacoachwouldbesuchslaveryt
hen
Iwould'
vestayedawayfr
om t
hist
hingyoucall
soccer,
”Sl
indi
lesaysl
ayi
ngdownont hegroundwit
h
herbackandkneesup.

“
Wher
ehav
eyoubeen?
”
“Work.Youknowhowhar
diti
stogett
ranspor
tona
Fri
day.”

“Youweresav ed.Ithoughtchar merboywoul dgo

easyonussi nceit’
shi sfi
rstdayhere.Yohhev oor
vai-
duslikethere’
snot omorrow,Iwonderi fhe'sthe
sameanimal inbedl ikeheisont hefiel
d,”shesay s
l
ay i
ngonherst omachandbi ti
ngherbot t
om.I
wouldn'
texpectany thinglessthanthatfrom Slindil
e,
sheisli
keav ult
ure–shewant severymant hatshe
setshereyeson.Ev ent herestofthegirl
sknowt o
keepthei
rmenawayf r
om herforthesakeoft heir
ownsanity.

“Youbet t
ergoseehi m, hehasbeenaskingabout
youev erychancehegot–‘ wherei
sZobuhle?’‘
what
ti
medoesshecomef orpracti
ce?’
‘whyisshenot
here?’whoaIknowwedon’ tusual
l
ystartpr
acti
cing
withoutyoubutIdi dn'
tthi
nkMrf ormersoccerpl
ayer
couldn'tfunct
ionwithoutyouaswel l
,
”shelooksup
tomeandIchuckl e.
“
Letmegoandf
indout
.”

Iwalkedawaywi t
hSlindi
leshouti
ngaftermet o
makesur ethatIatleastcomebackwi thhistens.
Thi
sgi rli
st oodesper at
eforsomedi ckandshei s
notaf r
aidtoshowi t
.Iwalkedtothecoach’sof fi
ce
andt hedoori sclosed.Bythelooksofthings,Ithi
nk
heisdonef orthedayandImi ssedmyf i
rstpracti
ce,
whatabadi mpr essi
on.Iknockedont hedoorandhe
tol
dmet ocomei n.Iwasnotexpectingthat,Ihoped
he’
dhav eleftalr
eady.Iwalkedinandhewasbusy
wri
tingonapi eceofpaperhehadi nf r
ontofhi m.

“
Coach,
”heshothi
sey
est
omeandwentback
wri
ti
ng.

“
Whyar
eyouher
e?”

“Icamet oapologi
zeforbei
ngl
ate.
”Isai
dtaki
ng
anothersteptowardshi
sdesk.
Hestoodupandwal kedt ostandi nfrontoft hedesk
andme.If i
xedthebaghangi ngonmyshoul derand
swall
owedhar d.Idon’tknowwhybuthel ooksangry
orupsetbutmay beI’m ov ert
hinkingthis,Imean
whywoul dhebeangr y.Thewhol eteam washer eso
i
twasn'tsuchabi gdeal ,r
ight?Idon’tev enknow
whyhenot icedthatIwasn’ tt
herewhenhehad25
gi
rl
stof ocusoni nfrontofhim.

“
Why
?”

“
Iwasatwor
k.OnFr
iday
siti
sver
yhar
dto–”

Heputuphi
shandandcut
smeshor
t.

“Iwanty ouhereZobuhleat12pm ever

ydayfor
practi
ce.Ifyouwanttoplaysoccert
heny ouwil
lbe
hereandi fyoudon’tt
hendon’tbot
hertocome.”His
voiceistoostern,
commandi ngandIcan’tev
en
tracehisangerbecauseheistoocalm aswell
.
Hel eanst otheedgeofthedeskwi thhi sarms
foldedt ohischest
.Heist ooseri
ous.What ever
angerhehadwhenhenot icedIwasn’ therefor
practice,hehasinfl
i
cteditonmebecauser eall
y,I
can’tbelievehecamef r
om what everholehe
crawledoutofandcameher etotell
met ochoose
betweensoccer ,whatIloveandmyj ob–t hatpays
thebills.

“Ihavetowor
kt oputfoodonthetabl
e,forrentt
o
havearoofovermyheadandf orclot
hestobewar m
atnight
.SonoIcan’tchoosebet
weent hetwo,”It
ell
him.

“Zobuhl
e,I
’m notheretoplaywit
hany one.Iwant
peoplewhoareseriousaboutgrowingacar eeri
n
sport
.Successrequir
espeopletomakesacr i
fi
ces,
areyouwil
li
ngt omaket hosesacri
fi
ces?”

Him spewi
ngthatnonsenseaboutsacr
if
icesdoesn’
t
hel
pmeatal l
.Isn’
trunni
ngawayfrom hometobe
whoIwantt obe,asacr i
fi
ce?Hav en’tIbeen
sacri
ficingallmyl i
fesinceIcameher e?Thef act
thatI
’m her eforpracti
ceandnotatmyr oom onmy
bedaf teralongdayofhar dwor kisasacr if
ice.I
havesacr if
icedal ott
obeher e,Idon’tevenknow
howmymot herisbecauseIchoset hisli
feov ermy
ownf ami l
y.Idon’tneedhi m oranyoneel set otel
l
meaboutsacr i
fi
cingbecauset heydon’ tknowshi t
aboutme!

“
Keepyour‘
careeri
nspor
t’andwhat
evershi
tyou’
ve
j
ustsai
dbecauseI'
mleav
ing–”

“
Forgood?
”heaskedbef
oreIcoul
dfi
nishwhatI
want
edtosay
.

“
Yes,
”Isai
dandt
urnedt
owal
koutoft
hedoor
.

Somuchangeri
sbr
ewinginsi
deofme,t
hereisa
st
abbi
ngpai
ninmyheartandtear
sar
ethreat
eni
ng
tocomeout .Ihav eputinsomuchwor kintothi
s, I
usedt hi
spl aceasmyescapewhenmyt houghtsgot
toomuchf ormet ohandleandnotonlydi dIseei t
asanescapebutIhaddev el
opedloveforsoccer .I
knowI ’m goodati tbecauseeventhecoachIhad
beforetoldmesoandt hatpushedmeev enmor e.
It
’sjustunfor tunat
ethatIcameher eanddi dn’
thav e
acoacht ogr oom meintobeingbetter
.Thenhe
cameal ong, butmychancehasbeent akenaway
from mebef oreIcouldeventastei
t.

“Iwi
l
lpayy
ou!
”heexcl
aimedasIst
eppedoutoft
he
door
.

IthoughtIhear
dhim wrongsoIt
ookanot
herstep
forwardthenherepeat
edwhathesai
dandthenI
stopped.

“Iwill
payyou,
”hesay sfort
het hi
rdtimeandItur
n
tolookathim.Hisexpressi
onhasn’tchanged,
he
sti
llhast
hatstr
aightandseriousface.
“
Why
?”

“Becausey ouarethebestpl
ayeroutofthatwhole
l
otZobuhl eandI’dbeafooltolety
ougoj ustl
ike
thatsoIwi l
lpayyoutocomef orpract
iceat12pm
everyday
.”

“
Whataboutmyjob?
”It
ookast
epf
orwar
dtowar
ds
t
heopendoor.

“Justtel
lmehowmuchy ou’
dl oset
omakeithereat
12pm andt henIwil
lcoverit
,”hesaysmovi
ngfrom
thefrontofthedesktositbackonhischai
rbehind
thedeskandIwal kedin.

“Forreal
?”Ican’
tbel
i
evei
t,wasn’
thethesame
personwhowant edmetochoosebet
weensoccer
andmyj ob?
“
Yes.Nowpl easegooutt hereandgeteveryone'
s
j
ersey.Makesurethattheyarewashedf or
t
omor row,
”hesaidwithoutlooki
ngatme.Hei sbusy
l
ookingthr
oughapi l
eofpaper sthatar
ei nhi
shands.

“
ButI–”heshothi
sey
est
omeandIswal
l
owt
he
r
estofmywords.

Inoddedandmout hedathankyou.Iwalkedoutof
thedoorandcl osedthedoorbehindmet henleaned
oni t
.Itookadeepbr eat
handexhaledwi t
hmyey es
closed.Ican’tbel
i
evewhatjusthappened,it
’snot
everydaythatsomeonejustpit
chestopayy oufor
somet hingtheydon’
thavetoso–whoi sthi
sguy ?
Ut
hando:
Six

Si
mbonga

Imakemywayi nsidemyof fi
ceandIf i
ndDi sky
sit
ti
ngoft opofmydeskf acingthedoor .Mychest
ti
ght ensupi nstantl
yandbl ockst heairf rom
reachingmyl ungs–Ican’ tbr eat
h.Hel ooksupand
smilewhenhi sey eslandonme.I ’m shiver i
ngl i
ke
thet emper at
urehasdr opt o–1° CandIst ayglued
ont hegr oundbyt hedoor way .Hecan’ tber eal
,Iwas
therewhent heybur i
edhi m buthel ooksal i
ve.He
standsupwhenhenot icesthatI’
v esuddenl ylostmy
consci ousness.

“
Don'
tj
uststandt
her
e,comein,
”hi
svoi
ceechoes
i
nsi
dether
oom andl
ikeagoodboyIst
eppedi
nsi
de.

Hebangsthedoorcl
osebehindmeasIwal
ked
f
urt
herint
otheroom,If
eell
ikeI’
m 11y
ear
sold
again,IlefttheolderSimbongaout sidet hedooras
soonasIst eppedi nsi
det hi
sof f
ice.If eelvulnerable
andpower less.Hest i
l
l hasthatholdov ermeandi t
makesmeweakonmykneeswi t
hf ear .Ican’teven
breath,hispr esenceistooheav yandsuf f
ocat i
ng.
Hecomesbehi ndmeandst andsv erycl oseagai nst
myback.Ist eppedf orwardwi t
hhi m onmyheel s
fol
lowingmeunt il
Iwasst andinginf rontoft hedesk
withnowayt ogett ot
heot hersideunl essIstep
overit.

“Beagoodboyandbendov er,
”hewhisper
ed
againstmyearinav oi
cethatsay
s‘doasIsayor
facetheconsequences’
.

EventhoughIknowwhathepl anst odotome, Ist

il
l
haverespectforhim.Ibentoverslowlywithmy
handsont heedgeoft hedeskbuthel osthis
pati
enceandpi nnedmyheaddownwhi l
ehisother
handwor kedtoloosenmypant s.Thepowerhehas
overmedr ai
nedal lt
hepowerIhadi nmet of i
ght
him,Ijustcouldn’
tandIlethim doashepl eased.I
whimperashei nser
tshimselfinmyanus.Whenhe
mov esit'
sli
kehei staki
ngmybr eat
haway .His
thr
ustsar edeepandhar d,heishitt
ingi
tinallthe
cornersandjudgingbyhi sgrunt
sandgr oans–hei s
enjoyi
ngit.

Byt heti
mehef i
l
lsmewi thhisload,mylegsfeel
numbandmyf acei nf l
oodedwi t
hsnortandtear
s.
Myhear thassankl owerthani thasbefore.Hepull
s
outandexhal esshar plybeforemout hi
nghowhot
andt i
ghtmyhol eis.Mybacki ssopainfulandmy
holefeell
ikesomeoner ubbedi twit
hhotsauce.I
feeldir
tyanddisgust ed.Iknowhei sdonebutIstay
i
nt hatposit
ionwit hmybut tintheairl
ikeI’
m wai
ting
forasecondser ving.Idon’ thearhim walki
ngaway
soIknowhei sstil
l standingbehindmeandIcan
feelhiseyesonmybut tcheeks.

Hespanksmybut
tsoharditst
ingsandI’
mjerked
backt
oreal
it
y–Igaspedforai
rbefor
eful
lyopeni
ng
myey es.Iam panti
ngandheav
ing,
andmyhear
tis
beat
ingpainful
ly.

Layi
ngont hepill
owwi thmyey esont heceiling, I
canf eel thet ear
swel l
ingi nsidemyey es,mychest
sti
l
lf eelsheav yandI’m st r
ugglingt obreath.Ipi nch
mybut tqui teaf ewti
mesj ustt omakesur ethatt he
wholeor deal wasani ght mare.Isighedandr ol l
edt o
sl
eepont hesi de.Thecl ockont hesideofmybed
says03: 43am andIknowIwon’ tbeabl etosl eep
aft
ert his.Idon’ tknowwhatt ri
ggeredt hi
sdr eam
becauseDi skyneverwhenasf arast ouchingmy
behind.Heonl ylet
..
.f
or ced...
luredmet osuckhi s
cock.Mymi ndisbecomi ngmessedup, andr ight
nowIdon’ tknowi fI’
m get ti
ngbet terorwor se.

I
’m sodeepi nmythought
sthatt
hesoundofmy
r
ingingphonestart
lesmeandIroughl
yrubbedmy
f
acet oclearmyhead.Igr
abthephoneandanswer
wit
houtlookingatt
hecall
er’
snameornumber .
“
Hel
l
o,”myv
oicei
sst
il
ll
owandhusky
.

Thecall
erremainssil
entont heothersideofthel
ine.
“Hel
lo,
”Isayagainlouderthistimear ound.Idon’
t
knowwhybutIst ayont helineforthenext40
secondswait
ingfortheper sontospeak.

“
Dad.
”

Ijumpedt ositupatt hesoundofhi svoice.Ilooked

atthetimeandi ts04:01am, hedoesn'tsound
sleepyatall
soIguesshehadt r
oublewithsleeping.
Idon’tknowmysoni nsuchawayt hatIdon’teven
knowwhathedoesorwher ehegoest owhenhei s
wokenupi nt hemiddl eofthenightbyani ghtmare.
ButIguesst hedistancebet weenusnowgi veshim
thecouraget ocall
me, ory
ear ntotal
kt ome.

“
Imi
ssedy
out
ooson.
”
“Butyounevercal
l,
”hescoldswithhisti
nysqueaky
voiceandIchuckl
ebecausehei str
yingbyall
means
tosoundlowandwhi spersothatMmewon’ twake
upandf i
ndhim onthephonewhenheshoul dbe
sleepi
ng.
Ihavebeenbusyt hesepasttwoweeks.Ihadt oget
newjerseys,ball
sandt r
aini
ngequi pment ,goal
posts
netsandt r
ainthegir
lsforthemat chwehav ei
n3
days.Yes,Imanagedt opullsomest r
ingst omake
themat chhappen,IknowIhav ejustst art
ed
coachingthem butIwantt oseewher et heyareat.
Eveniftheylose,i
tdoesn’tmatter
, Ij
ustwantt o
chall
engethem andmakesur etheygr owf rom i
t.
ButIdon’thaveanex cusefornotcal l
ingKwandot o
checkuponhi m everyday–I’m plainguilt
y.

“I’
m sorry,Iwil
ldobet t
erf
rom nowon.Howar e
thingsov ert
here?”Iaskandhesi ghslikemy
questionhasmadeaf ewunf
av ourableevent s
resurface.Iknowwi thMmearoundhedoesn' tget
awaywi t
hany t
hing,sheal
wayskeepsacl oseeyeon
him andsher eprimandshimforev erylit
tl
et hi
nghe
doeswr
ong.

Andasexpect ed, hest artstocompl ainabouthow

heisnotallowedt owat chtvaf ter6pm, Mme
washinghisbackt wiceaweeki nsteadoft wicea
mont handnowhei snotal lowedt ot alkback,he
saysitwasbet terwhenIwasar oundbecausehe
gottosayapi eceofhi smi ndev erynowandagai n
butnowhedoesn’ tgetachance, theonl ythi
nghe
saysis‘yesma’ am’ toev erythi
ngt hatshesay s.By
theti
mehei sdone, hei sbreathlessandIhav ebeen
doingalotoflaughi ngt hanl i
stening.I’
m gladhe
call
ed,hehasj ustmademydayandIhav elong
for
gottenaboutt heni ghtmar e.

•••

Il
ookedt hroughthepi
leofpapersf
orthenew
tr
aini
ngschedul eandIthi
nkImusthavemi spl
aced
i
tbecausei t’
snotonmydeskori nanyofthe
drawers.Isighedandsatbackdownonthechai r
.In
thatmomentt here’saknockont hedoorandIt ell
whoev eriti
stocomei n.Sl
indi
lewalksi
n,Ithought
every
onehasl eftforthedaysincewear edonewi th
pract
icebutshei sherenowsoIguessnotev eryone
hasleft.Shecomesar oundt hedeskandsitont he
desk.Isitbackonmychai randturnedt
olookather .

“Il
i
key ou,
”that’
sthefi
rstt
hingshesaysandI’
m
surpr
ised,
mor eshockedofhowbluntsheis.

“Okay
,”Isayholdi
ngbacktheshockandany
emoti
onst hatmayconfuseher
.

IthoughtIhadmademy sel
fcleartoev ery onethat
ourrelati
onshi
pwill
bepr of
essional,
nott hatanygi r
l
besideherhasgivenmeany‘ Iwanty ou’ vibesbutI
j
ustwant edtobeont hesamepagewi thal lofthem.
Clearl
yshewasn’tli
steni
ngtomewhenIwast alki
ng
becauseshewouldn'tbeherepr ocl
aimi ngher
feel
ingsformeandIdon’ tt
hinkitgoest hatdeep,
weal lknowwhatshewant sandt hatissex.
“SoIwast hinkingt
hatmay bewecouldtaket hi
sto
mypl ace,yoursisf
inetoobutIalsodon’tmind
getti
ngitdownont hi
sdesk,”shesaysl
icki
ngher
l
ipsandl eaningbackonthedeskbalancingwi t
hher
elbows.

Shel ooksatmewi thhalfopeney es,Idon’tknowi f

she’shi ghorisal r
eadyhor nywi thoutmeev en
touchingher .Herhandgoesf r
om t ouchingherboob
ri
ghtdownt otouchinghersacr edpl acewhi le
chewi ngof fherbottom lip.If
rozeasasof tmoan
sweptoutofherl i
ps.Iclearedmyt hroat,andaf t
er
regainingmyconsci ousIshi f
tedonmychai rthena
softknockcamet hrough.Thedooropenedbef oreI
couldt ell
theper sont ocomei nandZobuhl epeeped
herheadi nwithasmi l
eonherf acewhi chqui ckl
y
disappear edatthesi ghtofSlindileonmydesk.

If
oundmyf eeti
nsecondsandI
’m gl
admymember
di
dn’
treactatt
hesi
ghtofSli
ndi
l
e’sexposedt
highs
andthatpornstuntshejustpull
edther
e.Shealso
get
sonherf eetandt ur
nstothedoor.Shesighs
moreannoyedthani nrel
ief
.Ilookedbet
weenher
andZobuhlewhoj ustmadeherwayi n.

“Sl
indil
e,pl
easemakesuretowearti
ght
sundery our
shortsnextti
me.Noonewantstoseeyourj
igglyass
everyti
met heyl
ookyourway,
”Zobuhl
esayslooking
ather.

Sli
ndil
et urnstol ookatmel i
keI’
dsayot herwise,
I
didn’
tevennot i
ceshewasn’ twearingat i
ght
becauseIdon’ tlookatheroranyoft hegir
lsli
kethat
.
Idon’tknowwhatsheexpect smet osaysoIj ust
gaveherabl ankl ookandshrugged.Shescof f
sand
stompsherwayt ot hedoor
,notforgetti
ngtopush
Zobuhleoutoft hewayandsheget soutoft he
offi
cewi thoutsay inganot
herword.

“Idon’
tknowi
fIshouldsayyoushouldgetusedt
oit
orgetri
dofher
,”shesaystaki
ngasitonthechai
r
opposi
teme.

Shedoesn'tlookaffected,
Ican’tsenseany
emotionsfrom herandshei ssodamncal m.Iknew
Sli
ndil
ewascapabl eofsuch, Isawitthefi
rstdayI
cameher ebutIdon’tknow, apartofmewi shedshe
wouldn'
tevent r
ytocr osstheboundariesandwhat
happenedjustnowt ookmebysur pri
se.

“YouknowIcan’
tgetri
dofher
,shei
sjustasgood.
”
Isitbackonmychai
r.

“Thenyoumustknowt hatthi
sisonl
yjustthe
beginni
ng.Thereismorethat
’scomi
ng,”shesay
s
andwebot hlaugh.

“I
sthatawar
ning?
”Il
eanedf
orwar
dandl
ookedat
her.
“Shej
ustpull
edaredfl
agnowsoIdon’
tthi
nkwhatI
saywouldchangeany
thi
ng.Wenaj
ustdowhatf
eels
ri
ghtf
oryou.”
Idon’tknowhowtof eel
aboutt
hatsoIj
ustchange
thetopictosomet
hingelse.

“Sowhenarey
oumov
ingi
n?”Iaskandshesqui
rms
exci
tedl
y.

“
Thi
safter
noon,
Iwi
l
lgett
her
estofmyst
uff
t
omorr
ow.”

AfterIhadboughtt hetraini
ngequi pment ,wehadto
havesomeonewhowi llkeepaney eont hem and
si
ncewear ekeepi
ngt hem her e,weneeded
someonewhowi llstayher eandZobuhl e
vol
unt eered.Shewon’ tbepay ingr entsoshewi l
l
savet hatmoneyf orsomet hi
ngel se.Wehav e
securityheresoI’m notr eall
ywor riedabouther
safetyandt herearehousescl osebysoi t’
sa
securedarea.Sheal
sosaysthi
splacei
smuch
bett
ert hanthepl
aceshewasstay
inginsoi
t’
sawi
n-
winsituati
on.
“Gr
eat.Tomorr
owt her
e’sasoccercommitt
ee
meeti
ngintheaft
ernoonsoIwashopi ngy
oucoul
d
comewi t
hmeasmypl usone.
”

“
It
'sameet
ing,
notapar
ty.
”Sheshoot
sback.

“I
t'
snotameet i
ng-
meeti
ng,”Itr
iedtoexpl
ainbutshe
gavemet he‘ar
eyouf
orreal’l
ookandIsighed.
“Okayyoucancomeasmybody guardke,
”Isayand
shelaughs.

Ismi leasIlookather .Herfacelooksdi f

ferentwhen
shel aughs,Iwouldseeherl aughinginagr oupwi t
h
theot hergir
lsandshe' dlookbeauti
ful.Ihavealso
noticedshedoesn’ tlaughal otbutwhenshedoes
sheusest heopportunityverywell
.Thatbr aveface
hidesherbeaut yandIwi shshecouldjustseehow
beauti
fulsheiswhenshei
ssocaref
reewithasmi
l
e
onherf ace.Af
teraf
ewseconds,
shecol
lects
hersel
fandexhales.
“
Whatarey
outr
yingtosay
?DoIl
ookmanl
y,
mascul
i
nemay
be? ”

“No,
”Ismi
lewidely.“Iwasjustpoi
nti
ngoutt
hatyou
cancomewithmeasany thingel
sebesi
desaplus
oneorpar
tner
,”Ishrug.

“
Okayt
hen.Iwi
l
lcomewi
thy
ou,
”shesmi
l
es.

I’
dlookatthatsmileall
dayl ongbutitdoesn'tst
ay
onherfaceaslongasIwanti ttobecauseshe
mov esontotalki
ngaboutt hemat chbetweenKaizer
andSundowns, whereKaizerlostby1–3.Ihav e
evenforgot
tentoaskwhatshecameher ef ori
nthe
fi
rstpl
aceandIt hi
nkshef orgotaswell.Ihave
l
aughedsenselesslytwotimesi noneday .The
l
aughterwithKwandobr oughtjoyintomyhear tand
thi
sonewit
hZobuhl
eI’
m st
il
ltr
yingt
omakesense
ofhowexact
lyi
tmakesmefeel.
Ut
hando:
Sev
en

Si
mbonga

Zobuhl edisappear edint hecr owd.Shesai dshe' s

goingt ogetusdr inksbutawai terwit
hat r
aywi t
h
glassesofchampagne, orangej ui
ceandbeermakes
hiswayt omydi r
ect i
onandIt akethelargegl assof
beer.Igul phal fofi ti
nonegoandr aisemyey esto
scant hecr owd.Ther ear en’tanyprofessional
soccert eams’ coachesher e,justamat eur
sand
thosewhoar est ri
v i
ngt oclimbupt hel adder.You
knowwhatt heysayaboutbul ldogsinboar droom
meet i
ngs, ri
ght ?Wel lwehav ethem aswel lint he
socceri ndustry .Theoneswhot hi
nktheyknow
everythingandev eryoneel seshouldlistentot hem
whent heyaret alking, l
i
ket hiswomanwhoi s
walkingt owar dsme.

Shei
sinherblackAdidast
rackpant
sandagreen
‘
Amazul
u’soccerjer
seyontop,whit
eNikesneaker
s
onbot hherfeetandshedef i
nit
elydi
dn’
tforgetto
addt hatgoldchain,t
hatlookslikeadogleash
aroundherneck.Shehasasmal l
smil
eonherf ace
andshei slookingatmef rom headtotoepr obably
wonder i
ngwhyIam her ei fsheknowswhoIam.She
stepsclosertomeandIr eturnhersmil
e,j
ustt obe
poli
teandshowr espectbecauseIam youngenough
tobehersonev enthoughshei snotgivi
ngmet hose
mot herl
yvibes.

“Si
mbongaMasuku, ”shesay
sandInod.
“NomaguguMt hethwa,
”sheext
endsherhandf
ora
handshakeandItakeit.

“
Nicet
omeety
ouma,
”Ismi
l
eandherj
awdr
ops.

“
Whoar eyoucal
l
ingma?I
’
mt ooy oungt
obey our
motherorany
oneel
se’
smother
,”shescoff
sandI
l
augh.
Thiswomanl ooksl i
keshei s47y earsold,ifnot
olderbutmay bei t
’smyey esandi ndeedtriedto
l
ooky oungbyput ti
ngalotofmake- uponherf acet
o
hideherwr inkles.Shehasanal mostempt yglassof
beerinherhandandshesi psoft helastcontentas
thewai t
erappr oachest oourside, shetakesf ull
glassreplacingitwi tht
heempt yone.Att hat
momentshebur psandf or
getst osaysor rybutIlet
i
tslide.Shest andsqui et
lynextt omeandwear e
bothfacingt hecr owdjustmi ndingourbusi ness.

“
Thelastt
imeIchecked,y
ouwereret
ir
ed?
”she
f
inal
l
ybreaksof
fthesil
encebet
weenus.

“
Yest
hati
scor
rect
,Iam acoachnow.
”

Asoundofl aughterrumblesupf rom deepinsi

deher
hugebellyr
ightupt ohermout h.Shelaughedso
hard,peopl
eturnedt olookatusandIj ustdowned
mybeernotmi ndingt heeyesandat t
entionshehad
broughttoourdir
ection.Ilookedaroundwonder i
ng
whereZobuhledisappearedto,
I’
m sureshenoti
ced
thatwehav ewai
tersaroundheresowhat’st
aking
hersolong.Thewomanbesi desmef inal
l
ycoll
ects
hersel
f,shest
ret
chesherar msandexhalessharpl
y
l
ikeshehasdonet hehardestexer
cise.

“Thatwasr eal l
yfunny ,Iseetheybr oughty ouher e
forentert
ainment ,
”shel aughsagai nbutnott ooloud
thi
stime.Iam l ookingathert hrought hecor nerof
myey eandt hinking,sheisoneoft hebulldogs,
alwaysunder est i
mat eandbel it
tleev er
yonewho
doesn’tfi
tint he‘cool coachescl ub’.AndIbetshe
hasnev erplay edsocceri nherlife.Igulpther estof
thecontentinmygl assandpl acei tonthet ablenext
tous.

“
I’
m suretheydid.
”I’
m notangrynorannoyed,Idon’
t
wanttogiveherthesat
isfact
ionofknowingthat
whatevershe’
sspewingisgetti
ngtome.

“
Iwasoncey
ourageandIhaddr
eams–”
“AndI’
m sureyouhav eaccomplishedt
hem,”Icut
herof
fandt ur
nt olookather.Somysuspensions
wereri
ght,sheisasoldasshel ooksandri
ghtnow
she’
sseeingachildwhoi sinaplaceheshouldn’
tbe
i
n.

“Pr ett
ymuch, ”sheshrugs.“Manyhavepai dtheir
wayt othet op,
”shenodst owardsagroupofmen
whoar elaughingtheloudestwithbi
gbel l
i
esandt he
finestwhi skeyinthei
rhands.“Himtoo,”Ifol
l
owher
ey estot hemanspeaki ngwithawomanbutI
coul dn'
tseehi sfacebecausehehadhi sbackonus.
Itlookslikesheknowsal otofpeopl
eher emay be
that ’
swhyshe’ shereinsteadofmingl
ingwi t
ht he
bigshot s.

Ijustkeptqui
etbecauser
eal
l
y,Idi
dn’
thaveanyt
hing
toadd–Idon’ tknowanyoft
hem,notevenher
.

“Youwer
eseri
ousaboutbei
ngacoach?
”shegl
ares
atmeandInod.
“Femal
eteam i
nKwaMashu,
”Ii
nform her
.“You?
”
shenarr
owsherey
ebrowsbef
oretur
ningtolook
aheadagai
n.

“FounderandcoachofMangosut
huFemal
eFoot
bal
l
Academy .
”

Inodl
i
keshecanseeme.

“Afemal et eam?”shechuckl es.“

Youar elookingfor
tr
oubl earen’tyou?”shestealsagl anceatme.She
doesn’twai tformet orepl
ybef or
eshecont inues,“I
don’tseet hisworkingout,youleftthegamet odo
what ?Tobaby si
tyourson?”shechuckl esagain,she
hasawei r
dsenseofhumourbecausenot hingshe
hassai dorIhav esaidisfunnybutshehasl aughed
atever y
thing.
“
Youwon’
tunder
stand.
”
“Here'
swhatyoudon’tunderstand.Youar einthe
wrongplace,
youshouldn'tbehereint hefi
rstplace
–thisplacei
snotforweakl i
ngsli
key ou.May bey ou
shouldgobacktobaby si
tti
ngorwhat everthatyou
havebeendoingthelasttwoy ear
s.”

Ifeelattackedf orsomer eason, itcouldbet hatshe

i
si nti
midat edbymeandmypr esenceher edoesn’t
sitwellwi thherorshei st ryingt oscar emeof f
becauset hisplaceisr eallynotf orpeopl eli
keme.
ButIwi l
l takethef i
rstr eason, thiswomandoesn’ t
knowme, allt
hatsheknowsaboutmei swhatshe
readinthepaper sandt abloids.Noonewoul d
understandwhyIam her eandI ’m notpr eparedto
explai
nmy sel
ft oher.Theonet hingI ’
m happyabout
i
showshei sunder esti
mat ingme.IknowIdon’ t
hav ethesamey earsofexper i
encei ncoachingas
herbutlikeI ’v
ement ionedbef or e–al lthatmat ter
s
i
st helov eaf f
airbetweent heboyandt hebal l.
Wi t
houtl ove,shei snotgoi ngany where.
“Ihavemyr easonsforbei
nghere,
”Isayquietl
y.
Zobuhleisreall
ytaki
nghersweettime.Maybe
somet hi
nghashappenedt oher,
thethoughtgoes
throughmymi ndasIscant hecr
owdagai ntr
ying
myl ucktocatchaglimpseofherfaceinthecrowd
ofahundr edfaces.

“Pussy?”Ishootmyey estoherandshei ssmi r

king.
Idon’tknowwhatshei simpl yi
ngbutIdon’ tlikeit
alr
eady.“Seeboy ,t
akethisasawar ni
ng,leav ethi
s
coursebeforeitshowsy ouflamesandcr i
pplesy ou.
Andaf t
erthatyouwon'thav enamet othr
owar ound
andhav epeoplebowingt oyou,”shesay slookingat
meandal l
ofasuddent here’sadar kauraar ound
her.Shelookslikesheisreadytopounceonmebut
Istandmygr oundandgi veherabl ankexpr ession.

Afterreal
isi
ngIam notpreparedtochickenoutand
l
eav ebeforethemeeti
ngev enstart
s,sheflashesa
smi l
eandpat smyshoulderli
kewear egoodol d
fr
iends.Idon’tr
etur
nhersmi l
e,Idon’tl
ikeherandI
am notafr
aidtoshowher.May beDinganiknowsher
andIshouldaskhimtofi
llmei nbecauseshe
wouldn'
twarnmef ornot
hing.Zobuhlepit
chesup
outofnowherewithasmileplaster
edonherand
Nomagugul ooksbet
weenmeandher ,yeahher
fal
seaccusati
onshavebeenj ust
ifi
edbecausesheis
smil
ingli
keshehaswonaj ackpot.

“I
’
m sorryIgothel
dup,”Zobuhl
esayspoi
nti
ngt
othe
othersi
deoftheroom wit
hherthumb.

“I
twasnicetomeety ouSimbongaMasuku,
y out
oo
youngl
ady.”Nomagugusay sl
ookingatmethen
Zobuhl
eandt hensheleav
es.

Zobuhl
e’ssmil
efal
lsasshewatchest
hewoman
l
eave.Iguesssheal
sofel
tthatsomet
hingwasn’
t
ri
ghtabouther
.
“Whowast hat
?”shenodst
owardsNomagugu’
s
dir
ect
ion.Shehaswenttot
alkwi
ththosebi
gshot
s
shewasbadmout
hingj
ustaf
ewmi
nut
esago.

“
Wher
ehav
eyoubeen?
”

“Heydon’tansweraquest
ionwit
hanot
herquest
ion,
that
’sj
ustplainr
ude.
”Shehitsmeonmyarm
play
ful
ly
.

“Youcamewi thmebutyouwerewi t
hotherpeopl
e
sincewegother eandseeIattr
actedbadcompany
tomy sel
fbecausemyplusonedecidedtodit
chme,”
shel aughsli
keI’
vej
ustsharedajokebutI’
m act
ual
ly
serious.

Shest opsl aughingthemomentsheseesmyf ace,

“I
’m sorry
, Iwasspeaki ngwit
haf ewfemal
ecoaches
andIgotabi tcar r
iedaway.Weendedtal
ki
ngabout
alotofot herthingsbesidessoccer
.”
Ij
ustnod,what
’sdoneisdone.Themeeting/
event
cont
inuesandt
hereareafewmat chesannounced
thatwil
ltakeplaceinaf ewweeksf r
om now.
Mangosut huismentionedmor eti
mest hanIcan
countandNomagugukeepsonl ookingmyway
everyti
mehert eam isannounced.Ijustrai
sedmy
glassandsmi l
edinherway ,andwentwi ththeflow.
Zobuhlehasbeendr inki
ngmor ethanshecan
stomachandIhav eoptedtogiveheragl assof
wat ert
oflashoutthealcoholi
nhersy stem.Ienjoy
hercompanysoIdon’ tregr
etcomingwi thher.

“Youshouldsendhi mtohisgrandparent
sforthe
Decemberholidays.Thatwil
lsuremakehi mfeell
ike
hebelongssomewher e,thepoorchil
dsoundslost
andhomesi ckbutdoesn'tevenknowwher ehome
i
s,”shesayswi t
houtevenlooki
ngatme.

Idon’tknowhowweendedupt al
kingaboutKwando
butwhatshehasj ustsai
dmadeal otofsense.I
drovefrom t
hev enuetot
hegroundstodropheroff
beforeIdri
vebackhome.Wear esitt
ingint
hecar,
shedoesn'tlookli
kesheispr
eparedtoleav
e
anyti
mesoonsoIdon’
tpr
essur
eher
.I’
m enj
oyi
ng
thi
sanyway.

“Hehasneverbeent
her
ewi
thoutmesoIdi
dn’
tthi
nk
he’
dwantto.”

“
Dudey ouhavej ustsai
dy oudon’tspendmuchtime
wit
hhim andI’m surehewouldn'tevennoti
cethat
youarenotthere,I’
m notsayi
ngitinabadwaybut
j
usttakethechildtougogonomkhul uandlethim be
achil
d.”

“
OkayIwi
l
ltal
ktomyf
athert
omor
rowmor
ning.
”

“Ihi
ghlydoubthe’dsayno.Bet teryettheyshouldhit
yourbigheadandspanky ourstupi
dassf orkeeping
thechil
dawayf rom t
hem, ”shesayst hatandI ’
mi n
sti
tcheswithlaught
er.It
’sjustthewayshesai di t
.
“Whereisthisstupi
dthing..
.”sheisstil
labittipsyso
nowshei sfiddl
ingwiththedoorpr obablytry
ingto
openi
t.

“
Letmehel
pyouwi
tht
hat
.”

Ileanedov ertohersideandopenedt hedoorf orher.

Ireversetosi tbackonmyseatbutIf reezewhenmy
faceisrightinf r
ontofhers.Il
ookatherandshe
l
ooksatme, andshedoesn’ tmove.Icouldfeelher
breathonmyf ace,
that’
showcl oseIwast oherand
Ileanedclosert okissherbutshepushedmeback
withherhandonmychest .Ibli
nkrapidl
yandshut
myey escl ose.

“
I’
m sor
ry,
”Imur
murandsi
tbackonmyseat
.

Il
ookt owardsherandshei
snotmoving.Hereyes
areont hedashboar
dandherbr
eat
hingissteadybut
short
.
“I
’
m sosorry
,IknowIsaidweshoul
dhaveastr
ict
ly
prof
essi
onalrel
ati
onshi
p.Notj
usty
oubutev
eryone
i
nt het eam.Butatt hatmomentIcoul dn'
thol
d
my self,It
hinkIli
key ou,noscrat
cht hat–Idol i
ke
you.Iknowwehav en’tspentmucht imetogetherbut
thelit
tletimeIhav esharedwithy ouhasbeen
amazi ng.Dobel i
eveme, myfeel
ingsf oryouaretr
uly
genuineandI ..
.”Il
ookedatherdi recti
onandI
reali
sedt hatIhavesai dtoomuch.NowIhav eto
apologizeagain?
Isatbackonmyseatf eeli
ngli
keani di
ot,Ishoul
d'v
e
foundanotherwaytoconfessmyf eeli
ngsandr i
ght
nowf eel
slikeI
’
mt aki
nganadv antageofhersince
sheisal i
tt
lebi
tint
oxi
cated.Sheisstil
lsi
l
ent–I
havemessedupbi gti
me.Iopenedmymout htosay
somet hi
ngbutshebeatmet oitandsaid,

“
Iam l
esbi
an.
”
Ut
hando:
Eight

Zobuhl
e

AfterIconfessedmysexual i
ty,theatmospher e
becamet hickinstantl
yandt henIknewIhadt oleave
him al
one.Igotoutoft hecarandwentst rai
ghtto
myr oom.Il ai
donmybedst il
lfull
ydressedandonl y
afterafewmi nutesIhear dhiscardr i
vingout.Iknew
aftert
elli
nghimt hathewon’ ttakei twell
butIdidn’t
knowi t’
dbesobad.Wear ei
nt hefiel
d,pract
ici
ng
andpr epari
ngfort omor r
ow'smat chandSi mbonga
hasbeenshout i
ngev eryoneelse’snamef orthem to
takepositi
onandnotoncedi dhel ookmywayor
voicedoutmynameorani nstructi
ontomydi recti
on.

Confusi
onhasbef el
lontheot
hergirl
sbecauseright
nowI’mlikeanunwantedextr
aplayerint
hefiel
d.
Theyaretoldtopasstotheot
hersi
dewhenI ’m even
openandal lI
’
m doingi
schasingaf
terthebal
l,I
’m
soti
redandhi sbehavi
ouri
smakingitworse–it’s
sodraini
ng.Hesoundsandl ooksangr y
.Idon’tknow
whathewant sfrom mebecausei t
’sbettert
obe
honestthanleadhimf ur
therdownt heroadwhi chI
won’tbeabletotrav
el withhim.IfIknewbeing
fr
iendswithhim wouldleadusher ethenIwoul dn'
t
havelookedinhiswayf rom thegetgo.

“
Zobuhl
e!”hecal
l
soutmynameandIf
reeze.

Il
ookathi
sdi
rect
ion.

“
Whatar
edoi
ngwit
ht hebal
l
?”Ihav
ethebal
lunder
myf
ootandI
’
mlookingathi
m.

“
Iwantt
opassi
t.
”Ipoi
ntoutt
heobv
ious.

Heti
l
tshisheadtot
hesi
de.Heal
way
sdoest
hatt
o
makefeelandl
ookst
upi
d.
“
Thenwhyi
sitst
il
lony
ourf
eet
?!”

“ButI–”ifhedi
dn’
tcall
outmynamet
henIwoul
d'
ve
passedtheball
secondsago!

Hesi gnalsformet ogoonandpasst heball

.Ikickit
forwar dt othegoal keeperandhebl owst hewhistl
e.I
huf finfrustrati
onandsi nktosi tdownont hegrass.
Theot hergi r
lswalkoutoft hef i
eldf oll
owingeach
othert ot hewat erbankandSl indil
ecomest ome.I
knowwhatshewant stoaskandi tst oobad
becauseev enI,my sel
f,don’
tknowwhatt hehellis
wr ongwi t hhim.Ilookedint hedirect i
onofwher ehe
i
sst andingandourey eslockbutSl indilequickl
y
blockshi sv iewandsi tsdownnextt ome.

“
Wearedonewi t
hpracti
cesodoy ouwanttogoout
f
ordri
nks,
letloosebeforewetackl
ewhatever
t
omorrowhasf orus?”It
urntolookather
,“i
t'
son
me,
”shequicklyadds.
“Alri
ght ,
”Igaveinandshegaspedl ikeshewasn't
expect i
ngmet osayy es.Dri
nki
ngbef orethegameis
thel astthi
ngweshoul dbedoingbutIneedt hi
sto
digestSi mbonga’stantrums.Idon’tknowwhyhe
hadt ochooseactinglikethi
swhenwecoul d’
ve
talkedlikeciv
iladult
s.Ireall
ydon’tmi ndusbei
ng
fri
ends.

Iam notr eal

lyopenaboutbei nghomosexual .It’
s
somet hi
ngIf oundoutaboutmy selfinmyl atey ears
i
nhighschool ,i
twasr eall
yconf usingsinceIhadn' t
metany onewhohadexper iencedt hesamet hing.I
al
sot houghtitwassomet hingt hatwast heref ora
shortwhile,Iwasi ndenialbecauseIam af emal e
andIshoul dfindtheopposi tegenderat tr
active.I
should'v
edat edaboyandmay begotmar ri
edone
daylikemymot herhadal way spreachedt omebutI
wasdi ff
erent.Itri
edescapingbykeepi ngmy self
busy,thesituati
onathomewasn’ tt heonlythingt hat
pushedmet opl aysoccerandusei tasmyescape.I
wasal sodealingwi t
hmyi nnersel f.
Bythet i
meIl eavemyr oom afterf r
esheningup,
Simbongahasal r
eadyl eft–Iknownotev eryt
hingis
aboutmebutIt hi
nkhei savoidingme.AsmuchasI
havehur thi
m, Ican’tchangewhoIam t omakehi m
happyandi t’
dbesounf airofhimt oexpect
somet hi
nglikethat.Comi ngouti st heworstpar t
becausenotev eryoner eactsthesamewayand
somedon’ taccepty oubutIwanthi mt oacceptme
forme, sowecanwor ktogetherandf ort
hesakeof
therestofthegirls.Hei ssoangr yri
ghtnow, Idon’t
evenknowwhatwoul dhappeni fIwer etoapproach
him,hemi ghtsaysomemeanst uffandthatisthe
l
astIwant ,especiall
yfrom him.

“
Soy
out
oldhi
m?”Sl
iasksqui
etl
yandInod.

Sheexhales,downsherdr inkandturnst
olookatme
witheyesfil
l
edwi thpi
ty.Sheknowsaboutmy
sexual
itybecauseshegr ewcuriousofwhyshehad
neversawmewi thaguy ,aboyfri
endorbet
tery
eta
husband.Idon’tknowifshewasgenui ne,j
udgi
ngby
herhi
stor yoftakingpeople’
smenIcanonl ythi
nk
mynonexi stencebaewashernextt argetbutshe
wasnev erjudgement alnormadef unofme.Wi th
herl
oosemout h,
ev er
yoneintheteam knewbef or
e
wewentf orthenextpracti
ce,them too,accept
ed
meandt hey’
v eknownev ersi
nce.

“Youshoul
dhavetol
dmet hi
searl
ier
.Icoul
d’vegot
himtotakemehomewi thhi
m sohecouldtakeout
hisf
rust
rati
onsonme,”shesay
s,poi
nti
ngtohersel
f.

“That
’st
heonlythingyoucant
hinkof
?Theguy
needstotal
k,notsex!
”

“Whuuloya!Icouldt el
lfr
om thefi
rstdayhegother
e
thathewasdealingwi thsomeserioussexual
tensi
on,hedoesn'tneedt otal
k,t
heonl yt
hinghe
needsri
ghtnowi sf ormet ori
dehisdickunti
lhe
speaksintongues.”Ilookather,
shakingmyhead.
I’
vealwaysknownt hatshei scrazyandIf eelsorr
y
fortheguywhowoul dfall i
nlovewithher.I’m sayi
ng
theguywoul dfal
li
nlovewi thherbecauseIdon’ t
seeSlindi
lefal
l
ingforany one.Idon'teventhinkshe
dreamsofget t
ingmarriedoneday ,theonl ythi
ng
shedreamsofi swhoshei sgoingtor i
denextor
whosemant osnatchafterthecurrentone.Li f
e
neverfavour
sherkindbuti tlooksli
kesheknows
whatshei sdoi
ng.

“
Butjudgi
ngbyhowhei sangryri
ghtnow,Icant
ell
y
ouonet hi
ngforsure–hereall
yli
kesyou,
”she
l
ooksatmeandIsi gh.

“
Iknow,”Isai
dtur
ningt
hegl
assar
oundwi
thmy
f
inger
ti
ps.

Iwi
shhi m knowingwecan’ tbe,
woul dmakehi mli
ke
melessormakehi sfeel
ingsvani
shbutt hati
sjusta
st
upidthingt oevent
hinkabout.IfIwasfrankwit
h
hi
minthef irstpl
acethenwewoul dn'
tbehere.We
real
lyhadagoodthinggoi
ng,Icouldt el
lbythet ime
hespoket omeabouthissonthathewasget ting
comf or
tablewi
thme.Iwasalsogetti
ngcomf or t
able
withhim andwhoknows,i
fIdidn’
tdropt hatnucl ear
bombonhi m,may
beIwould'
v econfessedallmy
l
ifet
ime'sprobl
emstohim.Wecoul dbecounsel l
ing
eachotherandnursi
ngeachother'
sf eel
ingsright
now.
Ever
yonehasast
oryt
otel
landj
ustl
i
keme,
hehas
hi
sownt otel
l
.

IleftSlindi
leaf t
ersheof feredmeasecondr ound
whenIonl yagr eedforonedr ink.Iknowshe’ spay i
ng
andi fitwasanyot herdayIwoul d’vedrankal lher
moneybutIhav etobesoberandcl earmindedf or
tomor row.Thi ngsbet weenmeandSi mbongaar e
roughasi tisandIdon’ twantt oaddoni t.Idon’t
wantt or uinwhati sleftofourf r
iendship,ifIcancal l
i
tt hat.WhenIst epinsidemyr oom, Ilockthedoor
andki ckmyshoesof fwhi l
emaki ngmywayt othe
bed.Igeti nbet weent hesheet sandt heblanketstil
l
full
ydr essed.Myhear tistooheav ytoall
owmet o
mov
eani
nchofmybody
.

Ist
aredintothedar knesswit
hthought srunni
ngwil
d
i
nmyhead.Ir etri
evedmyphonei nmybackpocket
andswitchedt hescreenon.Ibl
inkedrapidlyt
o
adj
usttothebr ightnessoft
hescreent henIwentto
mycontacts.Iscr oll
eddownandpr essedonhi s
numberbef or
et yping,

‘
Iwon’ tapologi
zeforbei
nggaybutI’
m sorr
yfornot
beingfrankwi t
hyoufrom t
hebegi
nningandI’
m
sorryforleadi
ngyouon,thatwasnevermyint
enti
on.
Idol oveyouasabr ot
herandIhopewecanbe
fr
iends.’

Ireadt
hetextfor3ti
mes,checkingthespell
ingand
themoodIportray
edbeforeIsentit
.Ipressedthe
sendbutt
on,holdi
ngmybr eat
h.I’
m notexpecti
ng
himtorepl
ybutatleastheknowshowIf eel
.
Ut
hando:
Nine
Si
mbonga

Iwokeupi nt hemor ningwi t

hat extfr
om Zobuhl e,
I
wasn’ texpect ingevery t
hingthatshesai d.Apar tof
mehopedt hatshe’ dsayi twasaj okeandshe
want edtoseehowI ’
dr eactorshewoul dn' tsay
anythingatal lbecausei twasherwayoft urningme
downandpl ay inghardt oget.Hersayingshel ov es
mel i
keabr ot her,putsast ampt hatshei sindeed
gay–I ’
m nothomophobi csoIdon’thav eany thing
againstherbutwhatdoIdowi ththefeel i
ngsIhav e
forher ?Ther e’snowayIcoul dmaket hem v anish,I
don’tseeherasasi st
ersoIdon’ tknowhowt hi
s
thi
ngi sgoingt owor k.

Idecidetotakemymi ndof ft
hatpar
tofmyl i
feand
dial
ledDingani’
snumber .Hedoesn’tanswerwhenI
fi
rstcall
buthesur edoeswhenIcal lhi
m again.He
sayshewasoutoft heof f
icethat
’swhyhemi ssed
mycal l
.Idon’tdwellonthatandgost r
aightt
oask
him aboutNomaguguMt het
hwa, thatwomanwas
toocreepyandmademyski ncr awl wit
hherthreat
s.
I
’m notscaredoffightingfai
r,Icant akeherandher
team downwi t
hjustonemat chbutwhatwor ri
esme
i
st helookIsawinherey es,
theywer edarkandthat
toldmeshei ssomeonewhof ight
sdi rt
yifneedsto
be.ButIdon’tunderstandwhyshe’ dwantt ofi
ght
mewhenIhav enot hi
ngagainsther .

Dingani saysIhavenot hingt owor ryabout ,sheis

harmlessasf arasheknowsandt heonl ypeopl eI
canwor r yaboutareherassoci ates, itcouldbet hose
menshecal l
edbigshot swhopai dt heirwayupbut
i
fsheknowst hatthatmeansshei si nitt
oo.It ake
Dingani’
swor dbutIwon’ tletmyguar ddown, Iknow
whatIsawandIwon’ tr
elaxunt i
lshepr ovesher sel
f
otherwise.Heaskshowi st hewor kwi ththeteam
goingandIgi vehi
m myhonestf eedbackwhi chi s–
i
t’
snotasbadasIt hought .Heisgl adi ti
shel pi
ng
andthatt heworkiskeepi ngmebusy .IwishIcoul d
saythesamebutt hedreamshav ebecomemor e
dauntingt hanbefore.
Tinasay smymi ndi sr efl
ect i
ngmyt hought s, i
fI
thinkofthewor st, mymi ndwi l
lshowmeexact ly
thatandt hatImustf ocusont heposi tiveinst eadof
thenegat i
ve.Ir eal l
ymi ssKwando, beingher eand
notwi thhimi sput t
ingmeunderal otofst rain.I’m
blami ngmy self,ifIwasn’ tassaul t
ednorr aped, t
hen
Iwoul dn’
tbeadangert ohi m!Mypasthasr obedmy
sonaf at
herandt hatisaf fectingmeal ot.Just
thinki
ngofhowmucht hisi saffectingme, itmakes
mewonderhowexact lyhef eelsaboutt hedi stance
bet weenus.Iendt hecal l withDingani ,afterhe
wishedmewel l andIcal l
edmyf atherlikeIpr omised
Zobuhl etheot herday .Icoul dn'tcallyester day
mor ningbecauseIwast ooupset .

“Bonga,unj
anindodana?”(
howar eyouson?)He
asksassoonasheanswer st hephone.Onl
ymy
fat
hercall
smeBonga, Idon’tknowwhybecausemy
namei snotev
ent hatl
ong.
“
I’
m goodbaba,
howar
eyouandmom?
”
“Wear ewell
.Thoughy ourmot herisver
yupset ,
she
hasbeencr y
ingabouthowmuchshemi ssesyou
andcompl ai
ningofhowhergr andsonwillgr
owup
notknowinghi sgrandparents.Hehasn’tvisi
tedus
si
ncewebur iedhi smot herBongaandIal soagree
withyourmot her.Youshouldcomeandv i
situs.
Sibadal
aasiti s,
doy ouwantust odiewithout
seeingourgrandson? ”

“
Act
uall
ybabat
hat
’swhyIcal
led.Kwandowi
l
lcome
t
ovi
sityouf
ort
hewhol
efesti
veseason.”

“Hawuizi
ndabaezi
nhl
elezobutwhyi
shecomi
ng
alone?
”

“Iam i
nDur ban,Igotanewj ob.Idi
dn’twanttosay
anythi
ngbef or
eIseeifthingsaregoingtoworkout
ornot.
”Itel
l hi
m andIhearmymot herinthe
backgroundaskingwhoi tisthati
sont hephone,my
fathertel
lshert
hatismeandsheaskswhatIsai d–
theyarehav i
ngthei
rownconver
sationr
ightnowand
Ismi l
ewhenIhearmymot hercheerhappil
yaft
er
myf atherhadtol
dherKwandowillbewiththem f
or
theholidays.

“Kuhl ekendodana, cal

lmewhenumf anaisatthe
busst ati
on.Idon’twanthim getti
nglostorget
stolensoIwi l
lfetchhim.AndBonga, ”hesay s
quietlyandIhol dmybr eat
hbecauseIdon’ tknow
whyt here’
sasuddenchangei nt
het oneofhisv oi
ce,
“docal l
usndodanai ft
hingsgettoohar dforyou.
Wear ey ourparentsandwear ehereforareason.
Don’ tjustkeepthingsbot t
ledupinsideyou,theywill
kil
ly ou–t alktomei fy
ouneedt otalk,I’
l
lalwaysbe
therenomawakhoukhonamf anawami .”

Iwi
pethenonexi
stencesweatonmyf
oreheadand
si
gh.

“
Ngi
yakuzwababa,
ngi
zokwenzanj
alo.Pl
easet
ell
mat
hatIl
oveher
.”
“
Andyoudon’tlov
eme?
”ist
hatj
eal
ousyIsensei
n
myf
ather
'svoice?

Ichuckl
ebef
oresay
ing,
“Il
ovey
out
oodad.
”

“
Siy
akuthandanathi
.Iwi
shy
ouwel
lony
ournewj
ob
t
herei
nDur ban.
”
“
Ngi
yabonga,
Iwi
l
lcal
lyouguy
ssoon.
”

Hesay shi sgoodby esandIhangup.Ihav eagood

rel
ationshipwi t
hbot hmypar ent
s,theydi dn’thave
muchwhenIwasst i
l
l growi ngupbutt heyalways
madesur eIdidn’tfeel l
i
keIl ackedonany t
hingandI
havebeenwor kinghar dev ersincet omaket hem
proud.Iknowmyf athert oldmeIcant alktohim but
therearethingsonei snev ercomf ortabletot al
k
aboutwi t
ht heirparents, l
iket hesensi tivei
ssueI ’
m
deali
ngwi thrightnowandi t
'snotlikeIcanwal kup
tohim andsay“ babaIwasr apedbyy ourfri
end”,I
j
ustcan’
t.
“Hust
le.Idon’tcareify ouwi norlose,whatIwantis
toseeyouhust li
ngi nthatfield–at t
acki
nginstead
ofchasing.Iwanttoseer esultsbutdon’tf
orgetto
playt
hebal landdon’ tconcent r
atemuchonwi nning
andscor i
ng.Havef un.”

Theyst artcheer i
ngandcl appingt hei rhands.Wear e
i
nt hefield,readyt ostar
tplayingandt heot herteam
i
sher easwel l,amateursli
keusbutIknowv erywell
nevertoj udgeabookbyi t'scov er.Thet eam isfired
upandv eryexci t
edtogetont hef ield.Zobuhl eisnot
entir
elyher selfsowhenourey esmeet ,
Igiv ehera
smiletoassur eherthatwear ecool andt hatshe
shouldr elax.Iseehershoul dersf alli
ngal ready,I
wantherheadt obei nthegameandf orhernott o
wor r
yaboutusnotbei ngcool.Pl ay ersfrom bot h
teamst akeposi t
ionandther efereebowst he
whistl
et ost artthegame.

Thi
ngsar
egoi
nggood,
it’
sst
il
lear
lysot
hings
hav en'tbecomei ntenseandt hepl ayersar estil
lshy
towar dseachot her.Wegett ot hehal ftimewi th
botht eamsst i
ll
at0–0.Theygetbacki nthegame
fort hesecondhal fandIr eal
iseZobuhl eislooking
distracted,sheisl osingfocusandIdon’ tknowwhat
exact l
yshei sdoi ng.Rightnow, weshoul dbe
attackingsowecanwi nthegame, Iknowt hat’snot
ourendgoal butwest andachance.Ikeepshout i
ng
forhert oconcent r
atebuti tf
allsintodeafear sandI
can’tkeepheront hef i
eldifhermi ndi snott hereso
Isubst it
uteherwi t
hanot herplayer.

“
Whereisy
ourheadat
?”Iaskherassoonasshe
r
eachesme.

Shecat chesherbr eat

hfir
stbef or
eturni
ngtolook
towardst hecrowdandpoi ntt
oawomanwhoi sol
d
enought obehermot her,
shel ooksreal
lyr
uralwi
th
howshei sdressedandshehasherhandbaghel d
real
l
yt i
ghtagai nstherchest.Iguessshetookthe
warningsabouthowbadt herobberyisher
ein
KwaMashuv
eryser
iousl
y.
“That'
smyaunt ,shewouldn'tbeherei
fitwasn’
t
i
mpor tant
.Ihaven'tseenherinyear
ssowhenIsaw
her,Ij
ustkindoflostmymi ndandfocus.”

“Fi
ne.Goandfi
ndoutwhyshei
shere,andcome
backZobuhl
ebecauset
hegameisn’
toverandI
mightneedy
ou.”

Shenodsandr unsof ftothedirecti

onwher et he
womani sstanding.Itur
nmyat tenti
onbackt ot he
fi
eldandt hegirlsarereall
yplayi
nghar d.Mi nut esgo
byandZobuhl eisstil
lnotback,Ilookov ertot he
directi
onshewentt oandshei snotonsi ght.The
womani ssti
llthere,l
ookingbackatmewi th
pleadingeyesandherey esaregl i
tt
eryli
keshei son
thev ergeofcrying.Igl
anceov ertothefieldandt hey
won’ tneedmef orafewmi nutessoIr ushov erto
thewoman.
Itel
lherI
’m Zobuhl
e’scoachandshet el
lsmeshei s
herauntwhichconfi
rmswhatZobuhl etoldme.
There'
salotofpaininhervoiceandherfaceref
lect
s
thesamepai nsonowI ’
mr eal
lyworr
ied.What
happenedandwher eisZobuhle?

“
Hermot
heri
snomor
e,”t
hewomant
ell
smeandI
t
akeast
epback.

•
•
•

Zobuhl
e

“
Heki
l
ledher
.”

Thosewor
dskeptonechoi
ngi
nsi
demyhead.The
mor etheyr i
nginmyhead, t
hemor eshot shi tthe
backofmyt hr
oat.Iknewshedi dn’tcomeal l t
he
wayher ef orasocial vi
sit
,that’
swhyIf eltsouneasy
thi
smor ningsomet hingjustdidn’
tf eel r
ight.IknewI
wasanxi ousaboutt oday ’
sgameandt hatIwasst i
l
l
worriedaboutwhathappenedbet weenSi mbonga
andIbutt hef eel
i
ngwasdeepert hant hat .Andt hat
madememor econf usedbutAuntNomsaj ust
droppedt hebombonme.Iknewi twasnev ergoing
toendwel lwit
hmymot her,shewast oodependent
onthatmanandIf ailedtopr ot
ecther .

Itakeanot hershotanditbur nsthebackofmy

throat,
If l
i
nch.Mbuzane’ sSpot ,i
sfill
edmor ewith
businessmenf rom thecit
ywear ingexpensivesuits
andal l
.Theycomet othisplacetot alkaboutthe
businessdeal sthatarenotsol egalanddeal with
l
umpsumsofmoneyt hatareusual l
ypassedunder
thetable.Theygett heothercustomer st
oshutt hei
r
mout hsandactl i
ketheydon’tseet hem bybuy i
ng
them drinks.I
thappensal otonWednesday s,when
thespoti snotfullandtheygett osav eafewRands
f
ort
hei
rnextdeal
.

Itol
dt hebar tendert okeeptheshot scomi ng.It’s
getti
ngl oudernowsi ncethepeopl ear eget t
ingmor e
drunkandi twon’ tbel ongbeforet heyf ightabout
whoget stodr inkt helastquartwhent heycoul d
shareit.Someonecat chesmyey e,throught he
cornerofmyey e, Iturntomyr i
ghtandourey eslock.
Iquicklylookaheadwi t
hheartpoundi ngagai nstmy
chest.I’
m si t
tingbyt hebartablesoi t
’seasierf or
thebar t
endert okeepmygl assf ull
.Ifeel eyes
burningt heonesi deofmyf aceandIknowt hatshe
i
sst ari
ngatmesoIt urntolookather .Herdar kaura
i
sdr awingmet oherandi tmakesmel ookather
l
ongert hanIi nt ended.

Shelooksawaywhent hestari
ngcont estgetst
oher
andIalsolookaway.Iam alreadyfeelingti
psy,
the
paininmyheartfeel
sl i
keit
'sslowlyfadingawaybut
thethoughtsar
estil
lroaminginsidemyhead.They
arethereasonwhyI’
m nott aki
ngabr eakon
downingashotaf t
eranot
her.Afteraf ewmi nutesI
feelherpresencebehindmeandIseeher
disappeari
ngtot hedoort
hrought hecor nerofmy
ri
ghtey e.Myphonehasbeenr ingingsi nceIcame
here,Si
mbonga, Slindi
l
eandanumberIdon’ tknow
hasbeenbl owingmyphoneev ersi nce, soIdeci ded
toswitchitoff.

Fiveminuteshaspassedandshehasn’ tcomeback.
Istoodup, stumbledbackwar dsandf or
wardbut
quickl
ycollectedmy selfandfoundmywayt othe
door.Thecol dairhitsmyf acehardandIshiver.I
thoughtwitht healcoholinmysy st
em, eventhecold
wouldn'tgettomebutIf eelcoldtothebone.
Mov ementi nthedar kcornercaughtmyat t
enti
on
andwal kedov erthere.

“
Whatt
ooky ousol
ong?”Shesay
spulli
ngmeint
o
t
hedar
knessandpi
nningmeagainstt
hewal
l
.

Bef
oreIcoul
dsayany
thi
ng,
shesmashedherl
i
pson
mineandkissedmewit
hsomuchhunger
.Ipushed
herbackandshesmi
rked.
“
Whosai
dIam gay
?”

“Youwouldn'
thavegivenmethe‘Iwantyou’
look
andyouwouldn'tbeoutherei
nsearchforagir
lyou
don’
tevenknowi fyouweren’
tgay.
”

Againbef oreIcoul dsayany t

hing, sheattacksme
withherlipst oshutmeupandt hi
st i
meIki ssher
back.Herf ireisturningmeonandi ti
smaki ngmy
heartaccel er
atei nexcitement .Shecupsbot hmy
breasts,Imoani nhermout h–shei stakingal lt
he
controlandherhandsneaksi nsidemyt -shirtfora
skintoski nfeel.Bloodr ushest hroughmyv einsand
Ifeelhot.Herhandswor kedonmyj eansandbef or
e
Iknewi t,shewasr ubbingmyt hrobbingcl i
tthenshe
mov edherheadt oneckandgav emewetki sses
whileImoanedi npleasur e.
Withmybackagai nstthewal l,Iwassowetandl ost
i
nt hemoment .Shest artedf ingerf ucki
ngmeandI
l
osti t.Sher aisedherheadt olookatmeandshe
smiledl ovingwhatshesaw.Asshef i
ngerfucked
me, hert humbwasbusyr ubbi ngagai nstmycl i
tand
Icouldf eel t
hatIwasget tingcl ose.Themor eshe
didit,themor eIf eltmy selfslippingawayandIf elt
power l
ess.Ihat ef eeli
ngpower less,something
twitchedi nsidemeandIswi tchedsi des.Ipinnedher
againstt hewal l
andshel ookedshockedand
surprisedbymyact ions,likewhowoul dwantt olet
goofor gasm whent heyar ethatcl ose.

Li
keshedi
dtome,Ishutherupwithaki
ssandtook
cont
rol
oft
hesi
tuat
ion.Ipul
ledoutandl
ookedather
.

“Doyouwanttotakethi
stomyplace?”Shegri
nned
wit
hherbottom l
i
pinbetweenherteet
h.Maybeshe
i
sjustwhatIneedtoni
ghtandI
'dbestupi
dtolether
go.
Ut
hando:
Ten

I
nganat
hi

‘
Dearmama,

Bytheti
meyoureadthis,
I’
dei
therbehappyordead
–therei
snoinbetween..
.’

ThedooropensandIpause.Iam si tt
ingonachai r
bymyst udydeskwi ththepenandanot ebookunder
mypal m, andIam f aci
ngthewal l
.Thel av
ender
showergel scentfi
ll
smynost ri
ls,i
nsteadofitgoing
tomyheadandmakemeal lexcit
ed–i tgoesdeep
i
nsidemygutandur gesmet ogag.Iknowshehas
j
ustcomeoutoft heshowerbutherscentdi sgusts
me, shedoesn’ tsmellcl
eantomebecauseher
cleanl
inessov erri
deshowcleanIf eelaboutmy self
.
Inseconds, Ifeelherheavypresencebehindmeand
Iholdmybr eathwhenshepl acesherhandonmy
shoul
der
.

It
’snotasoci al vi
sit,Iknowwhyshei sher ebecause
Ihav ebeeni nt hisposi ti
onbef ore.BecauseIdon’ t
wantt ogetmy selfintroubleandpayahar shpr i
ce
forit,Istandupandt urnt ol ookather .Shehasa
mischi evoussmi l
eonherf ace, shehaswor ked
reall
yhar dtogetmet obeingsubmi ssive,i
fthat’
s
whaty oucancal li
tbecauset omei tisthesameas
feeli
ngpower less.Idon’ tar guewi thherwhenshe
pullsmet ositont opoft hebedwhi leshest ood
overmewi t
honl yat owel wr appedar oundherbody .
Beforeshedoesany t
hingel se, sherevealsapl ayt
oy
thatshehadbehi ndherback.Lusti sv erymuch
evidentinherey es, shefeedsov ermyf earbecause
thedildoshehasi nherhandi smuchl argerthant he
oneshehadt hel astt i
me.

Sheloosenthetowel
anditfal
lst
oherfeet
,she
doesn'
thavethemostatt
racti
vebodybutt
herei
s
nothi
ngIoranyonecansaytomakeherlosethe
confi
dentshehast oshowof fherwrinkledcurves.If
i
twasn’tf ortheweddingbandonherl eftfi
ngerthen
Iwould’
v ebeenconv i
ncedt hefi
rstti
meshe
compliment edmef orhav i
ngani cebut tandgenet ic
area,t
hati ndeedshei sgay .Ir
emov eal lmyclothing
whenshehassi gnall
edf ormet odoso.Sheusedt o
usewor dst ocommuni catebutIguessshegott i
red
ofsmall t
alksandIpr eferitthi
swaybecauset here’s
real
lynothingwecant alkabout.I,f
orone, don’
t
haveany t
hingtosayt oher .

Beforelayi
ngonmyback, Ilookedov ertotheclosed
door,apartofmewi shedt hatNoziphomy
roommat e,woul djustwal kinandsav emef r
om her
butIknowbet ternow.Ican’ tevenscr eam because
I’
dbeexpel l
edf r
om theAcademyandt hatwouldbe
theendofmysoccercar eer.WhenIf irstwalkedint
o
thi
spl aceIthoughtIhadf oundmysecondhome, I
l
ov edbeinghomewi thmypar entsbutIlovedsoccer
mor e.Shelubricatesmyf ol
dwi thhersal i
vaandI
swallowmydi sgust.Ifeel t
hedi l
dost r
etchingmy
vaginalentr
anceandshedoesn' twaitformet o
adj
ustt
oitbef
oreshest
art
smov
ingi
tinandout
.

Shemoanswi thherheadi nbet weenmyl egsandI

bittheinsideofmycheekt ohol dbackmysobsor
anysounds.Appar entl
ywat chingt heli
veshowt ur
ns
heron, andjudgingbyhowshei smoani ng,pant i
ng
andheav ing–shei salsot ouchi ngherself.Nev erin
myl if
ehav eIwi shedfordeat hlikethetimeshe
i
nt r
oducedt hislif
etome.Iam sur pri
sedbyhowf ast
shepul l
st hedil
dooutbecauseatanyot herday
she’dgoonf orabout40mi nutesmax.Shest ands
onherf eetandIsi tupwi ncingbecauseoft he
burningsensat i
oni nt
hepl aceinbet weenmyl egs.
Sheopensherl egswhi lest i
llstandingandher
bicyclesaddlewasl evelledwi thmyf ace.

Shepull
smet oherandIf allonmyknees.Iknow
whatIneedtodosoIgoi ntothatsaddlethathasn’
t
beenshavedforatleastaweek.Herl egisovermy
shoul
derwhileshei sl
eaningonthesmal lbedside
cabi
netforbalance.Herextr
abellyfatwasont opof
myheadandmyl i
pswer esulki
ngonherclit
.The
moreIsucked, theloudershemoanedandaskedf or
more.Ihaveper fectedmuf f
ingbecauseofher,she
i
smyf i
rsti
nev erythingandIonlyknowher.Idon’t
evenknowi fI’
m gayorst rai
ghtbecauseofher.I
cameher eclearmi ndedbutnowI ’
m confusedli
kea
smallchil
dintheirf i
rstgr
ade.

Mypar entswoulddoany thingtomakemehappy

andast heonlychil
d,Iwasspoi l
trottenandgot
everythingthatIwanted.WhenIsai dIwant edto
playsocceraf t
erIhadcompl etedmymat ri
c,my
fatherlookedforthebestFoot bal l
Academyi nKZN
andMangosut huFemal eFoot ballAcademycame
highlyrecommended.Heappl i
edf orme, Iwas
accept edandher egi
st eredmer ightawaybutmy
mot herwant edmet of urthermyst udiesandt hat
wast hecondi t
ionsheputupf orme–i twasei ther
school andsoccerorj ustpl ai
nschool .Ihadno
choicebutt oregi
sterforaDi plomai nMechani cal
Engineer i
ngatMUT.
Il
eftUMzi mkhul uwi thsomuchexci tementt hat
fi
nallyIwasgoi ngst artli
vingmyl if
eindependent ly
andgoonanewv i
rtuewithoutmypar entsholding
myhand.Iboar dedont hebusaf t
erbiddi
ngendl ess
goodby est omypar ents,itwasanewexper ience
si
nceIhadnev erbeenany wherewi t
houteitherone
ofthem.Thej oyi nsidemeov errodethefearand
anxietyofent eri
nganewchapt erofmyl i
febl i
ndly.I
t
wast hegr eatestdr eam tobei nDur ban,fr
om anot
sorur algir
ltoaci tygi r
lwasar eal achiev
ementf or
me.Ihav enev erlackedonany thinginmyl i
feand
mov ingher ewaspr oofoft hat.

Thet axidroppedinfrontofthebi gbuildi

ngofMFFA
andIwasi nawe.Ipulledmyt wobi gsuitcases
i
nsideandIgott hewar mestwel comef rom thestaff
,
andt hatiswhatmademel oosenupandl etmy
guarddown.Thepl acefelthomel yandwar m,safe
wouldbet hebestwayt odescr ibei tandIsaw
my selfgrowinginaplacel i
ket hat.Iadmi red
everythi
ng, t
hefurni
tureandt hear tonthewal l
,fora
secondIt houghtitwast oomuchf oraf ootbal
l
academybutthatwasunt
ilIsawt
hewomanbehi
nd
al
lthework.

Iam jerkedbackt oreal

itybyherl oudmoans, mor
e
l
ikescreami ngandherbodywast ensingup.Her
l
egsar eshaki ngandshei sheav i
ngl i
keadogunder
thescor chinghotsun.Isuckhar derandf i
nall
yshe
groansassheexpl odesinmymout hbutIti
ltmy
headbackbecauseIr efuset oswallowhercum.She
heavil
ybr eathesinandout ,andlooksdownt ome
withasmi l
eonherf acelikethedayshewel comed
mei ntot heacademyandi ntr
oducedher sel
fas,

“
Iam NomaguguMt
het
hwa,
yourcoach.
”
Ut
hando:
Elev
en

Zobuhl
e

AsIopent hedoorIhearanengi ner unningandi t

shutsdownassoonaswest epout side.Ihav e
Mal i
ndi ’shandi nmi neandhersmal l overnightbag
ont heot her.It’
sstil
learl
yint hemor ningsoI ’m stil
l
engul fedbysl eepandIhav eahugeheadache
becauseoft hehangov er
.Ifitwasupt ome, I
’dst i
ll
beinbedandpr obablystaytheref orev erbutMal indi
hast ogosomewher eandshehadt ocutherst ay
shor t.Itreall
yhel pedtohav eherher ewi thme, she
mademef orgetandav oi
dt het hought sf orawhi le
andat leastIgotabr eakfrom thepai n.Theal cohol
al
sohel pedbutshet akesthecup, dur i
ngt hef ew
daysIspentwi t
hherIgott oletlooseandal l
owed
my sel ftofeel vulner
ableandnotoncedi dshemake
mer egr etit–Ihadt hebestcount lessor gasmsof
myl ife.
Wewal kedsi debysi det oherwor noutToy otaYari
s,
thathasabonnetdar kert hant herestofi tsparts
andeachr imi sdi ff
erentf rom t heot her,don’tgetme
startedont het i
resoft hecar , i
fat raffi
cof fi
cerwas
tocomeandi nspectt hiscar ,he’dsur edecl arei
tnot
roadwor t
hy–i t’
st hatbadbutatl eastshehas
somet hingt ot akeherf rom poi ntAt opoi ntB
withoutdependi ngonany oneort her ecklesstaxi
drivers.Theengi neIhear dr unni ngwasSi mbonga’ s
car.He’ spar kednex ttoMal indi ’
scarandi snow
walkingt owar dsusl ooki ngbet weenMal i
ndiandI
l
ikehei sl ookingf orsomet hing.Ihav en'tseenhimi n
awhi l
enow, Ihav ebeenav oidingev eryonewhoi s
goingt opr eacht omeabout‘ feeli
ngs’,pai n
and. .
.deat h.

Igreetbuthedoesn'
trepl
y,i
nst
eadhestopsonhi
s
tr
ackandl ooksatusaswewalkedpasthi
mt ot
he
Yaris.

“
IhopeI
’
llseey
ousoon,
”Isai
dandper
kedherl
i
ps.
“Imi
ssyoualr
eady
,”shesayswi
thasmal
lsadsmi
l
e
asIopenedt
hedoorforher
.

Iwi llmisshert oobutIhav etofacewhatIhav ebeen

runni ngawayf rom andhopef ull
ygetov eri t
.Iclose
thedoorwhenshei sseat edonherseat ,shebr i
ngs
theengi net oli
feandr ev ersesout .Shehoot sbefore
disappear ingandIwav e.Shewast helightinmyl i
fe
i
nt hel astf ewday s,withhergonei ti
sl i
keI ’mina
dar kholef il
ledwi t
honl ysor rowsandsadness.
WhenIt urnback, Si
mbongai sst i
l
l st
andi ngwher eI
l
ef thim andIwal ktowar dshim becauset hewayt o
myr oom f orcesmet of acehi m again.Hehaspi t
y
reflectedonhi sfaceandt hatissomet hingIdon’ t
needorwantt oseerightnowandIwoul dn'thav e
l
ookedhi swayi fhedidn’ tcalloutt ome.

“
Thef
uner
ali
stomor
row–”

“
Iknow.”Icuthi
m shor
tandatt
emptt
owal
kaway
f
rom hi
m buthespeaksupagai
n.
“Icangowit
hyouifyouneedmet
o.Asaf
ri
end,
I’
m
herefory
ouZobuhle.
”

“Idon’tneedyou–I ’mf i
ne!”myv oicewashigher
thannecessary,Ireali
sedt oolatebecauseIcan’t
takeitbacknow.Isi ghedandf ol
dedmyar mstomy
chestwi t
hmyf ingerscov eredwitht hesl
eevesof
thesweat ert
hatI’m wearing.Ihav ebeenfeeli
ng
real
lycoldsinceIheardt henewst hatsheis.
..
uhm
dead.

“Letmetakey outothet
axi r
ankthen.
”Hesounds
socalm andsoft,
verywelcomingandI’
mtempted
toruntohim andcrymylungsoutinhisar
msbutI
decideagai
nstit–I’
m st
rongerthanthi
s.

Heletsmegobackt omyr oom soIcangetreadyt o

go,hedidn’
tgi
vemeachancet odecli
nehisoff
erso
heistaki
ngtotherankwhetherIl
ikeitornot
.Isiton
theunmadebed,Idon’tev
enrememberwhenwas
thelastt
imeIhadamadebedt osleeponevery
night.Ibentov er
,pattedt hefloorandr etri
evedt he
bottleofv odkaIsawwhenIwaswal kingin.Itooka
fullswingandf li
nchedast heliquidhi tmyt ongue
andt hebackofmyt hroat.Thispai nisnot hing
compar edtothepai nthrobbingi nmyhear t,iti
sso
physical andwitheachbeatt hepai nget smor e
painful.Theempt inessinmyhear tis...
atear
escapesf r
om myey eandIqui ckl
ywi peitand
sniffl
ed.

Ithaspiledupt oat housandbl ocks, i

t’sswi nging
from l
efttor i
ghtandwher evertheemot ionsar e
blowingitto,itwon’ tbel ongunt ilitcomescr ashing
downandt hatwi l
l bet heendofme.Myf atherdied
andIwasn’ tallowedt ofeel anyemot ions, feeling
emot i
onsisequi val enttoshowi ngandact ingon
howy ouar efeeli
ngbutInev ergott hatchance.I
wasf orcedtobeunder standi ngandnur semyown
brokenhear tasy oungasIwas, andnowt his
blockageisonme–i t
’slikeabl ockedpi pewai ti
ng
toblowupandbur sti ntopi ecest oreli
eft he
pressure.I
’m puttingsomuchpr essureonmy selft
o
notfeelt
hepai
nbutIcanal
sof
eel
thatI
’
m nearmy
breaki
ngpoi
nt–it
’scl
ose.

Iputt hesmal lbagwi thmycl othesint hebackseat

andwentt oseati nthef rontpassengerseat .
Simbongadr ov eoutimmedi atelyafterIhadset tl
ed
onmyseat .Hei ssil
entandI ’m gratefulforit
becauseIdon’ tfeell
iket alki
ng.I’m brewingi nsi
de
l
ikeumqombot hii
nal argebowel readytobeser ved
butI ’
m notr eadyf orwhatawai t
sf ormeont heot her
side.I fany onehadt oldmet hatonedayI ’drunaway
from homeandgobackhomeundersuch
circumst anceswi ththisamountofpai ninmyhear t
thenIwoul dn'thav elefthomei nthef i
rstplace.I
l
ookout sidet hewi ndowt hewhol ewayt ot ownandI
couldf eelmyt hroatwasget ti
ngdr y–Icoul duse
anot hersi poft hatvodkabutwi thSimbongaonmy
side, Idon’ tthinkhe’dl etmegetawaywi t
hi tsosit
backandsuf ferinsilent.

“
Idi
dn’
tgetachancet
osayt
hisbutI
’
mreal
l
ysor
ry
foryourl oss.Andt hi
sisnott het i
metoputupa
bravef aceZobuhl e,al
lowy ourselftof
eelthepain–
don’ttryhidingit,wearehumansandwear eal
lowed
tofeel andr efl
ectouremot ions.I’
drat
herhavey ou
cryi
ng, yell
ing,screaming,breakingthi
ngsor
what everthanhav et
ol ookatthatface.Iwantto
help,letmei n,
please.
”Her eachedoutt otouchthe
handt hatwasr esti
ngonmyt highbutIyankeditoff
beforehecoul dreachit.

“
Thanky
ouf
ort
her
ide.
”

Iopenedt hedoorandgotout .Aftertaki

ngmybag
from thebackseat,Iwalkedawayf r
om hiscar
wi t
houtlookingbackorsay i
nggoodby eandcrossed
ther oadandwal kedtothetaxirankont heother
side.Simbongai sareall
ygoodman, ver
yemot i
onal
andi stooattachedtopeoplear oundhi m –i
fyou
aregoodt ohi mthenhe’dbegoodt oy ou.Heis
exact l
ywhatIneedr i
ghtnowbutnotwhatIwantat
themoment .Ifoundthetaxihalfempt yandIwas
l
uckyt ofi
ndaseatnextt othewindowinthe
backseat,
Iwillbethel
astpassengertogetoffso
thisi
sperfectanditwi
llgivemeenoughpr i
vacy
sincepeoplewouldseewhoIam j ustbyseei
nga
glimpseofmyf aceandIwon’ theart
heendofhow
selfi
shIwast orunawayf r
om home.

Ialr
eadybl amemy sel
ff orthatsoIdon’ tneedto
hearitfrom anyoneel se.Iwassel fi
sht ol eav
emy
mot heraloneinthathousewi ththatmonst er
knowi ngverywellwhathei scapabl eofandnowshe
i
sdead–Icoul d’
vesav edherbutIwast ooselfi
sh,I
hatedwhoshewasbutshedi dn’tdeser vetodielike
thi
s.Byt hetimethet axi i
sfullandr eadyt odriv
eout
thetaxirank,thebottl
eIhadt ransferredt hevodka
i
ntof oradisguisewasl essthanaquar terempt y.
Thecont entwast oolowt olastmet i
llIgetto
UMzi mkhulu,Imaybet ipsyalreadybutI ’
dneed
mor ealcoholtogetr i
doft hisheartache.
Ahowl ingsoundofacarhootj
erksmeoutofmy
sleep,Iopenmyey esandt
hebri
ghtli
ghtoft
hesun
raysisbli
nding.Iy
awnedandstr
etchedmyarms
andlegs.Thet axiisempt ysoIl ookaround,thetaxi
i
spar kedrightoutsidethegat eandt herearetoo
manycar sinsideandout sidethey ard.Thetaxi
doesn'tusuall
ygett othissideoft hevil
lage,i
t
should’v
edr oppedmeof ftwomi l
esfrom hereand
I’
dhav ehadt owalkal l
thewayt omyhousebutt his
taxi
dr i
verdrovemeexact l
yt othegat eofmyhouse.
Ishotmyey estothef r
ontwher ehewasseat edand
hewasl ookingatmet hrought herearviewmi rr
or.

“Nkosazanasesi f
ikil
eekhaya,Ireal
lyneedt oget
backt oDurbanandIhav ealr
eadywast edtime
try
ingtowakey ouup.Chauy alalabo,
”hesay swith
alightchuckle.Atleastheisnotangryatmebut
thatdoesn’tstopmef r
om rol
li
ngmyey es.Hecould
hav egotoffhisseatandcamet oshakeof fthedevi
l
wecal lsl
eep.

Igetofft
hetaxiandbefor
eIclosethedoorthe
dri
verpasseshi
scondolencesfort
helossofmy
motherandIgavehim anodtoshowt hatIhear
d
him.Hedr i
vesof fassoonasIr eachthegat e,i
fhe
sawwhoIam t henI’m surethewomanIwassi tti
ng
nextt osawmeandt oldtheper sonwhowassi tt
ing
nextt oher,t
hatper sontoldthenextunt i
l t
hewhol e
taxipassenger sgottoknowt hataprincesswasi n
theirpresence.Iam gladt heyletmehav et hatl
it
tle
privacyuntilIgotoffthetaxi,mymot her’sdeath
mi ghthavehadani mpactont hatandtheywer e
probablyfeelingsorryforme.Iam of fi
ciall
yan
orphan.

Iwalkedt hr
ought hey ardtothehousewi t
hpeopl e
tur
ningt hei
rheadst ol ookatme, theystopped
tal
ki
ngandbei ngbusyt olookatme–t hepr odigal
daughterwhof inall
yremember edherwayhome.I
headedt othehousewi t
hmyheadhel dhigh, t
he
pai
ni nmyhear tdi
dn’tgetmedownandI ’
dbe
damnedt oall
owt heirgossiptogett ome.I nthe
house, i
twasjustasbusyasi twasout si
de–t he
samewayl i
kei twaswhent heywer epreparingf or
myf ather'
sfuneral.Irepli
edtoaf ewgr eeti
ngsand
wentdownt hepassaget omyr oom.Whenopened
thedoor,t
herewereki
dspl
ayinginsi
de,theywere
probabl
ymycousins’ki
dsbecausemyaunt sand
unclesar
et oool
dtobepoppingbabiesatthei
rage.

Icouldfeelangerbr ewinginsi
demeasIl ookedat
them touchi
ngandr ippi
ngwhatt heycoul drip.
Jumpi ngont oponmybed, onmypi nkfloralcover
thatmymot herboughtf ormy16t hbirt
hday ,they
steppedoni twiththeirdir
tyunholyfeet.

“Getout !”Iexclai
medandt her oom felldeadsi l
ent.
Theyt urnedt olookt owardst heopendoorandsaw
mest andingont hedoor way .Theyjustfrozewi th
theireyespoppedout ,
fearwasev identint heirf
aces
andIdon’ tknowi ftheyfearmeort heirmot hers
becauset heywer etoldnott ostepout si
det hisroom
unlesst heyaret oldotherwisebutIdon’ tcare–I
wantt hem out !Whathappenedt or espectand
pri
v acy?JustbecauseIwasn’ thereitdoesn' tmean
I’
m dead.
“Zobuhle,
”afemalev oi
cewi t
hahighpit chchirpedin
behindmeandIt urnedtofindauntNomsast andi
ng
behindme.Shehadt hesameey esshehadt heday
shecamet otellmeabout .
..
mymot her.“ Iheardyou
j
ustcamei n,youshouldhav etol
dmey ouwer e
comi ngsoIcouldprepareforyourar
ri
v al.”Shegives
measmal lsmil
eassher ubsmyar m upanddown.

Thesoundofl aughterandgi ggl

esinsi
demy
bedroom caughtmyat tenti
onandr emindedmeof
theli
ttl
edevil
swhohav einvadedmyspace.Ihuff
ed
i
nf r
ustrat
ionandturnedback.“ Didn'
tyouhearme
thefi
rstti
me–Isai dgetout !Allofyouout!
”I
shoutedandfeltauntNomsa’ shandaroundmyarm.

“Don'
tshout
,wearemourning,
”shesaidcalmlyand
theki
dswentoutoft
heroom onebyone, fol
lowing
eachotheri
nali
neandIsteppedinsi
demyr oom.
Ipi
ckedupwhatIcoul
dwit
hauntNomsafoll
owing
myeverymove.“
Youneedtocal
m downZobuhl
e,
youdon’
tneedsomuchangeri
nsidey
ouandplease
st
opr
unni
ngawayf
rom t
hepai
n.”

Iturnedtol ookather ,hasshebeent alki

ngt o
Simbonga?Becausewhatshej ustsai dsounds
exactlyli
kewhatSi mbongahadsai dandwoul dsay .
Shedoesn' tsayany t
hingmor ewhenIl ookedather
i
nt heey e,allIcouldseewaspai n,shewas
refl
ectingexact lywhatIwasf eelingandIcoul dn't
l
ookather–i twast oodr aini
ng.Igotr i
doft hepink
coverandr etrievedabl ackonef rom thet opofmy
war dr
obe–besi desthethingst hattheki dsmessed
with,everythi
ngel sewasst i
ll
thesame–mymot her
keptmyr oom t hesamewayasIhadl eftit.Icovered
thebedandl aidont op.AuntNomsast eppedcl oser
tothebedandr emov edmyshoes.

“Iwi
l
lgetyousomet
hingtoeatandl
ety
ourf
ather
knowthatyouar
eher
e.”
“
Don'
tcal
lhi
mthat
.”
“
Hei
syourfatherZobuhl
e,yourmotherdi
edmar
ri
ed
t
ohi
m sothatmakeshimy ourfat
her.
”

“Heisnotmyf at
her,neverhaveandnev erwil
lbe,
mymot herknewthatwhenshedi ed.Myf atheris
deadandthatmani snothingofmi ne!”Isaidalr
eady
sit
ti
ngup.Nomsai sreal
lyt est
ingmypat i
ence,he
kil
l
edher,that
’swhatshet oldmet hatdayandnow
shehastheaudacit
yt ocallhim myfather?

Sheopenedhermout htosaysomet hingbutshe

swallowedwhat evershewant edtosaywhent he
doorcrackedopenandheappear ed.Thedev i
lis
real
lywor ki
ngov erti
me, notoncewi llheall
owmet o
havepeace–no, I
’
m beingt estedinev er
ywayandi f
IgiveinIcan’tev enimagi nethedamageI ’
ddot o
thi
sper son.Myhear tistwit
chi nginanger,hat
redis
overfl
owing,Itrustedhi m buthebr oughtnothingbut
painintomyl i
feandt ookawaymymot herwhileati
t
–Ihat ehim!
Wi
thtear
swell
ingi
nsi
demyey es,
Itur
nedt
olookat
myauntandf
oundherlooki
ngatme.

“Aunti
e,”Isaidqui
etl
y,sil
entl
ypl eadi
ngwithherwit
h
myey esandsheswal lowedbef oreturni
ngtothe
door.Iwatchedherappr oachinghim andpushi
ng
him back.Ithrewmyselfont hebedandt ur
nedto
sleeponmyst omach.

“
Ijustwantt
otal
ktoher
,”hear
gued.

“
Shedoesn'
twantt
otal
ktoy
ou,
”myauntpoi
ntsout
t
heobvi
ous.

“Ihavetheri
ghtt
otal
ktoher,
youknow,andshe
doesn'thav
etosayanyt
hing–Iwi
lldoal
lthe
tal
king!”
“NoBhekayouhav
edoneenough.Leav
ethechi
l
d
aloneor–”
“Orwhat
?Thisismyhousef orheaven'ssake,
and
whoisshetotel
lmet hatshedoesn’twanttotal
kto
me?Shelef
thomeandwentwhoknowswher e,and
nowsheisbackhere,forwhat?Thi
si smyhouse–
myhouse,myrules.Mov eawayfr
om t hedoor
Nomsa!”

“
No!
..
.”

Ididn’theartherestofthei
rargumentbecauseI
tookthepi l
lowandpl aceditovermyhead.And
blockedt hewor l
doftheliv
ingwithmythoughts,
the
samewayIusedt oescapemypai noflosi
ngmy
fatherbutitwassl i
ghtl
ydiff
erentthi
sti
mebecauseI
hadt owor ktwiceashar dtomaket het
hought
s
mor eeffecti
vebecauseIhadt wicethepai
ntocov er
up.

•••
Iwokeupi nt hemor ning,Isl
eptf orthewhol e
afternoonandt hroughoutt heni ght.Ther ewasal ot
ofnoi seout sideandt hewomenwer esi ngi
nga
gospel songi nsidet hehouse.Ther oom wasdar k,I
stoodupandwal kedt othewi ndow, theweat her
wasgl oomysoi twasi ndeedgoi ngt orain.It
remi ndsmeoft het i
meaf terwebur i
edmyf ather,
it
rai
nedsohar di tfloodedt hewhol ev i
llage,thetent
outsidewasbl ownawaybyt hestrongwi ndandall
thepl asticchai r
swer edest r
oy ed.Wewokeupt he
nextmor ningandt hesoilonmyf ather '
sgravewas
washedof f
,notal lofitbutnear l
yhalfofi twas
washedawaybyt heheav yrainandt hewooden
polishedcr osswassl antedwi thjustbyonet ouch
i
t’dhav efelldownt ot heground.

Whoeverwasher ethelasttime,knowst hatIwon’t

all
owmy selftoseemymot herforthelastti
meand
I’
m sur
et hatiswhyt heydidn’tbothertogetmet o
seehery est
erday.Herplacebesi desmyf atherhad
alr
eadybeenpr eparedandt heytookouthercasket
tothetent.Nomsai scryinghy st
erical
l
yast he
pastorpr oceedswiththeservice.Icouldf eel his
eyesonmebutIdi dn’
tlookup, Idon’ttrustmy self
withhi m andifIl
ookathi m Imi ghtdosomet hi
ngI '
d
regretsoI ’
m savi
ngusbot ht het r
ouble.Ilistenedt o
thepast orashepr oceededtor eadingav er seabout
heav en,Idon’tr
eal
lylist
eninbecauseal loft his
feel
sl i
kedej avu.

Thecasketsankdownt othegr oundsixf eetbelow

thel evelIwasst andi ngon, Ilookeddownoni tuntil
i
tr eachedt hegr ound.Theycov ereditwithme
wat ching,themor et heyfil
l
edt hehol ewithsoi l
,the
mor eIf eltmy selfsinkingintotheempt yspace–t he
empt i
nessi nmyhear tbecamemor eunbearable.I
hav enoonenow, ithasbeenst ampedandf il
edt hat
Iam anor phan.Theydoal lthenecessi t
iesandIam
cleansed, soi sther estofthef ami l
ymember s.The
vil
lagersar ealreadyeat i
ngandf easti
ngont he
alcohol provided, Idon’tknowwhocameupwi t
ht hi
s
i
deabuti tfeelswr onginsomanyway s.Weshoul d
bemour ningbutpeopl eareher etogetdr unk
i
nst ead.
WhenIgeti nsidethel ounge, thef amilyisgathered
ther
eandi tlooksli
ket herearepl anningt odiscuss
something.Noonesay sany thingsoIf indmywayt o
thespaceleftonat hreeseat ercouchwhi chnow
has5peopl esitt
ingoni t.Bothmymot her’ssideof
thefamilyandmyf ather'ssideoft hefamilyarehere.

“Ithi
nkweareallhere,
”myuncl
efrom mymother
's
sidespeaksup.“Youcanpr
oceed,
”helooksatmy
supposedfather
.

“Iwil
lcutt hrought hechaseandbebr ief
.Weal lhave
l
ostsomeonedeart oourhear ts,
”Iscof fandrollmy
eyes.Ifeel ev er
yonel ookingatmebutIdon’ tcare–
henev erlov edmymot herandtheonl ythinghe
l
ov edormadehi m agr eetomar ry
ingheri nthefir
st
placeisthepowert hatcamewi t
hbei ngwi t
hher.He
mar r
iedherbecauseoft hefamil
ycust om andnot
becausehel ovedher!“ Si
ncewehav elostourqueen,
someoneel seneedst ot akeherplaceandcont inue
withherdut ies.”Il
ookedathi m andhewasser ious,
Iscannedtheroom andnooneobj ectedbuti
nstead
theysatwit
hanticipat
ionforwhateverhehast osay
next.“
Nomsa,ast hesecondbor n,andunmar r
ied–
youhavetotakey oursist
er'
splace.”Helookedover
toauntNomsaandIt ooshotmyey estoherthen
backtohim.

“Wehav ej
ustbur
iedmymotherandakakabandi
nokubanda,andy
ouwantt
or epl
aceheralr
eady?
!”

“Thi
sisnot hi
ngdifferentfr
om whatyourmot herdi
d
wheny ourfatherdi
ed, shecoul
dn'
twai ttorepl
ace
yourfatherandaweekl at
eraft
eryourf at
herwas
buri
ed,shewentt obedsl eepi
ngont hishardbroad
chest,
”hesay srubbingandpatti
nghi schest.
Bast
ard!
Myey esfellonthekni
feonisit
hebethatwasont he
fl
oorfil
l
edwi thmeatanddumpl i
ngs.Ididn’tt
hink
twicebeforetaki
ngtheknif
eandr unni
ngt owards
him wit
ht heknif
ehelduptomyearandpoi nti
ng
towardshi m.Peopl
eintheroom gaspedinshock,
terr
orandwhatevernoisethatt
heyweremaking.I
reachedhi
m andhadmyot herhandonhisneck.His
eyespoppedout,fearevi
dentonhisfaceandIloved
seeinghi
sfaceli
ket hat
.Il
oweredtheknif
ewithso
muchf or
ceand,

“
Zobuhl
eno!
”
Ut
hando:
Twel
ve

Si
mbonga

Iam onacal l
wi t
hDingani ,Icall
edtot ell
hi mthat
Kwandowi l
lbewi thmypar entsfortheDecember
holi
dayssoheshoul dn'twor ryhimselfabouthav ing
him overhi
shousebecauseMmeRadebewi l
l be
vi
siti
ngherfami l
ythi
sy ear–y oushoul dhav et hejoy
i
nt heoldwoman' svoi
cewhenIt ol
dhert henews.I
knowshenev ersaidany thi
ngi nthepastt woy ears,I
meanshenev ercomplainedaboutspendi ngt he
holi
dayswithusbutwhenIhear dhowhappyshe
wast ogohomet hi
syearr eallymademef eelbad.

“Atl
eastIwill
havemywi f
ealltomy sel
fnow, don’
t
getmewr ong,Kwandoisagoodboybuthehas
beengetti
ngallt
heatt
enti
on.‘Al
l mychil
drenareold
nowandknowhowt otakecareofthemselves,
Kwandoneedsme’ –that’
swhatNdoni usesasan
excusetoleavet
hehouse,”hesighsinfr
ustrati
on
andIchuckle.“MmeRadebei salway st
herebutshe
wantstobet hereaswellandInev erheartheendof
whattheygossipaboutev eryday
!”Ilaughedashe
complai
ns.Themani shav i
ngar ealhardti
meandI
don’
twisht otakehispl
ace.IknowhowNdoni can
bewheni tcomest ogossipsonot hankyou.

“
Sheget
slonel
ytoo,
youknow.
”

“Andobsessed!”headdswithabangonthetabl
e
andIlaughathisexaggerat
ion.“
Iwoul
dlockher
i
nsidethehousebuty ouknowasmuchasIknow
thatIwouldn'
tsucceedevenifIt
ry,
Godthat
woman. ”

“
She'
syourwi
feandumt
handaenj
alo.
”

“Yougotthatr
ightson.
”Hegoessi l
entf
orafew
secondsandspeaksupagain.“Therei
ssomethi
ng
thatIneedtot
alktoyouabout,
”hesoundsseri
ous
soIsitupandt ur
nedi ntobeingprof
essi
onal.“Att
he
gamey ouplayedlastweek, youhadvisi
tor
s–SAFA
repr
esentat
ivesandt heyarelooki
ngtoputy ouon
i
ntotheSABRegi onal League.”

“
Youar
ejoki
ngr
ight
?”

“HowcanIjokeaboutsomet hi
ngl
ikethi
s?Youwon
thegameandy ourteam pl
ayedwell
becauset
hey
haveyouastheircoach.
”

“Butthatwasjustagame, theyhadf un–theteam i

s
notreadytoplayontheLeague. ”Ipushedmychair
backandst ooduptomyf eet.Dinganibett
ersay
he'spull
ingalegbecauset heteam isnotthereyet
,I
knowt heyhavepotent
ialbutwest il
lneedtodoalot
ofwor kbefor
etheycantakepar tinseri
ousgames
l
iketheLeaguemat ches.“Didy ouhav eahandin
thi
s?”
“What?No,Idi
dn’tev
enknowt hatyouwer eplayi
ng.
Igotacal
lyester
daymor ningfrom oneoft he
repr
esent
ati
ves,well
it’
sev enwor sebecausethey
knowthatyouarethecoachoft het eam somay be
that
’swhytheyareconsideri
ngy ourteam t
oo.”

“Thi swassupposedt obet herapeuti

cbutwithwhat
youar etel
li
ngme, Iam foreseei
ngstressonly.
”I
sigh.It’snotonl
ymet hatI’
mt hi
nkingof,I
’m al
so
thinkingaboutthegirls,t
hisisgoingtobe
ov erwhelmingforthem andI ’
dhav etopushthem
har derforthem t
owi nmor egames.Andhopef ul
l
y
noneoft hem wil
lbreak.

“Youarethereforar easonSimbonga,Ihaveal
ways
toldy
out hatyouaremor ethanwhaty
out hi
nkandI
knowy oucandot his.Thereareafewmat chesfor
younextweek, youdon’ thavemuchti
met ogetyour
team r
eadybutIt r
usty ou.”

“
Yeahwhatel
sewoul
dyousayandIhav
enosayor
whatsoev
er.Ican’
tsaynowhenIhaven'
ttal
kedt
o
t
heteam eit
hersoDingani
,wewil
ltal
kandIhope
youknowwhaty ouaredoi
ng.
”

Helaughs,
“Youneedt
olear
ntot
rustmemor
e.
Goodluckson.
”

Ithankedhi m andwebot hhangedup.Thi si sthe

l
astt hingIexpect ed, wepl ayedwel ll
astweekand
wonwi th1goal agai nsttheot herteam.
Unf ort
unatelyZobuhl ewasn’ tther
et orejoicewi th
hert eam mat es,speaki ngofher ,Ihaven'tseenher
sinceIgav eheral i
fttot herank.Icoul dn’tev en
reachheronhercel lphonebecausei tt ookme
straighttovoicemai leacht i
meIdi all
edhernumber ,
i
tcoul dbet hattherewaswasnor ecept i
onorshe
wasav oidi
ngme.If ailedtogett hroughher ,sheis
takinghermot her’
sdeat hrealhardandIwi shshe
coul djustt
rustmewi thherf eeli
ngs–openupt o
mebecauseI ’
m her et ohelp.
Isteppedoutofmyof fi
ceandt heoldToy otaYaris
par ksr i
ghtnextt omycar .Idon’tknowhowt hi
s
thingcanst i
llmov e,i
t’
stoool dandneedsmor ethan
j
ustmai ntenance–Iwoul dn'
tgetoni tevenifmyl if
e
dependedoni t.Zobuhleandt hedrivergetoutoft he
car .Inevergott henameoft hisgir
l,Idon’tknowher
butshei sgivingmebadv i
bes–t het oogoodt obe
trueki ndofv i
besbecauseZobuhl elookst ohav e
grownr eall
ycl osetoher.AndIdon’ tknowhowt o
feel whenIseeherwi thanot herwoman, Idon’t
knowi fit
’dhav emademef eelbett
eri fshewas
dat inganotherguyori twoul dhavebeenj ustthe
samebecausei nbothalternat
ivesit
uat i
ons–she
stil
l wouldn'tbemi ne.

“Zobuhlecanwet alk?Al
one,”Isaylookingatthegi r
l
standingbyherside.Theybothlookt i
redli
kethey
haven’tbeengetti
ngenoughsleepandsur edor eek
ofalcohol.Zobuhl
enodsandhandsov erhersmal l
bagt othegirl
thenInoti
cesheal sohasherown
small bag.Thegir
ldoesn’
tleavebeforesheper ks
Zobuhl eli
psandIlookedawayf orthosefew
seconds.

“
Sheli
vesher
etoonow? ”Ipointt
othedi
rect
ioni
n
whi
chthegi
rldi
sappear
edt o.

“Il
i
vehereandsheismyguest,
”shesaysli
kei
t'
s
obvi
ousandI’
mt oodumbfornotseei
ngthi
ngsthe
wayshedoes.

“Idon’ttr
ustherandnei thershouldyou.”Iwarnher
andshet akesast epback,l
ookingatmef r
om head
totoel i
keshei saskingherself‘
whoam It odetect
thi
ngsf orher?’.Sheisamessanddef ini
tel
yisn’
t
thi
nkingst rai
ght,sheneedssomeonewi thaclear
mindt oshowhert hewayandI ’
m notafrai
dtodo
thatforherbecauseIl oveher!

“Simbongaplease,Ihadalongni
ghtandIst i
nkof
alcoholandsex.Theonlythi
ngIneedrightnowisa
bathandsomegoodsl eep–thi
s..
.”shepointst
ome
upanddownwi
thanopenhand,
“ist
hel
astt
hingI
need.
”

“I’
m onl
ydoi ngthi
sbecauseIcar eZobuhle,”Ipull
herbackbyherar m assheattempt stowal kaway .“
I
wanttohel p,pl
ease,wecantalkaboutany thingyou
wantbutdon’ tshutmeout,”myv oiceiscalm andI
thinki
tisther i
ghtwaytoapproacht hi
sbecause
withher,t
hingscangol ef
trealfastifIeverraisemy
voiceather.ShelookstoberelaxingandIt hinkI
sawagl impseofguiltonherface.

“I
-Iuh.
..
”shecov
ershermout
hwi t
htheot
herhand,
sheisgoingt
ocry,
Icanseehereyeswat
eri
ng.

“Tal
ktome, Iwantt
ohel
p.”Shesni
ff
lesandt
akesa
deepbreat
h.

“Idon’
tneedy
ourhel
p,”shesay
slooseni
ngmyhand
offherar
m.Thatmaskisonagain–thatwasa
qui
ckU-
tur
n,shewasreadytoopenupnotsol
ong
ago–whyisshedoi
ngthis?

BeforeIcouldsayany thi
ng, sher ushedt ot he
dir
ectiontoherr oom wi t
houtl ookingback.Shei s
deali
ngwi thalotonherownandi sdoingt hewr ong
thi
ngst hi
nkingthatshei shel pingher selfwhenshe
i
sact uall
ydestroyingher self
.Idoubtshet alksto
thatdodgygi r
laboutherf eeli
ngsandJesuswoul d
comebackshoul dt hegirlli
steningt oheror
anyone’sfeeli
ngs, sheiswi thZobuhl ef orthef r
ee
boozeandsex.Shei sjusttakingadv ant ageofher
andthatmakesmewantt ohel pZobuhl eev enmore
beforeshef i
ndsher selfintoodeep.Hear tachecan
dri
vepeopl etodocr azythings,IknowbecauseI
havebeent hereaswel lwhenIl ostSi sanda.

Ifi
ndtheteam str
etchi
ngonthefi
eld,someareout
j
oggingaroundthefiel
dandSli
ndi
leasal way
sisin
chargeofthewarm upsessi
onbutshei sdoi
ngital
l
wrongbecausesheshouldbewarmi ngupwiththem
andnotstandi
ngt her
eandwat chi
ngt heot hergi
rl
s
goonl i
kesheisthecoachandnotpar toftheteam.
Itapherontheshoulderandsheblowst hewhistl
e.
Every
onerushestowher ewewer estandi ngandshe
j
oinsthecrowdstandinginfr
ontofme.Idi dn’
teven
getachancetotellZobuhl
eaboutthisl astminute
meetingbutIt
rustSli
ndil
ewillf
il
lherin.

“Ihavenewsandi twil
ldependonhowy oulookatit
todetermineifiti
sgoodnewsorbadnews.Wehad
SAFAr epresentat
ivesonthedaywepl ayedlast
weekandt heywantust ofightourwayuptot he
RegionalLeague,”Isayallofthi
sholdi
ngmybr eat
h
sowhenI ’m doneIexhaledandshotmyey esupt o
scantheirfaces.

“
Us?”sheaskspoi
nti
ngt
oher
sel
fandt
her
estofher
t
eam mates.

“
Yes.”Inodandt
heyst
artscr
eami
ngont
opofthei
r
l
ungs,i
tissonoi
sy,
Icl
osemyearswi
thmyhands–
t
hisi
snott
her
eact
ionIwasexpect
ing.

Theyar ehuggi ngeachot her ,someonest artsasong

andnowt heyar esingingal ong.Somear edoing
thei
rhappydance, Idon’tknowwhatt ocal l i
t
becauseIhav eneverseenany thi
ngliket hatbefore.
Thel ookont heirf
acesput sasmi l
eonmyf ace,at
l
eastI ’m getti
ngaposi ti
ver esponsef rom t hem and
hopef ul
lyt heywon’ tcompl ainabouthowmuchIwi l
l
bepushi ngt hem dur ingtraining.Ineedt hem
physicall
y ,ment al
lyandemot ional
lyreadybecauseI
don’tknowwhowear egoi ngt obeplay ingagai nst
,
whichr emi ndsme–Ishoul daskf ort henamesof
theteamswear egoingt obepl ayi
ngwi thbutf or
nowwear egoi ngal l
inblindly.

“
Okay !
”Iblowt
hewhist
let
ogett
hem t
ocalm down.
“
Ineed5l apsf
rom y
oubef
orewest
artwi
th
t
rai
ning.”

Ther
ear
ecompl
aint
sandgr
unt
scomi
ngf
rom t
he
crowdbutI ’
m notgoi ngtobackdown.Itellt
hem t
o
putonasmi l
ebutt hatonlymakesthingsworse,
theystartmovingany wayandSlindi
l
er emains
standing–shei sonet oughnuttocrack,shedoes
herownt hingaroundher e–you’dswearI’mthe
playerandshei sthecoach.

“
Wher
eisZobuhl
e?”sheaskst
aki
ngaf
ewst
eps
t
owar
dsme.

“
Sheisinherroom wit
hher‘
fr
iend’
.
”Itel
lherand
l
ookedovertothegroupt
hati
sjoggingar
oundthe
f
iel
d.

“Ihav
eneverli
kedthatf
ri
endofher s,
”shesaysandI
l
ookather.Shesoundsmor ej
ealoustomet han
worri
ed.“
Youshouldtal
ktoher,Ididmypartand
sheisnotl
ist
eningtome.”

“
TrustmeIt
ri
edbutshei
snotopeni
ngup.I
t’
spar
t
ofherheal
i
ngpr
ocess,
Iguess.
”

“Yeahsheisreall
ytaki
nghermot her'
sdeathreal
ly
hard.Toobadshedoesn'tev ertalkaboutherfami
ly,
Ihadtof i
ndoutwhenIhear dthenewst hatshest
il
l
hasaf amil
y.Thatgir
list
oost ubborn,itmakesme
madcr azy.
”Shehuffsinfr
ust r
ationandIcansee
thatsheisgenui
nelyworri
ed.

“
YouandIbot
h.”Isi
ghandli
ftupmyey
esagai
n–
t
heyar
eonthei
rsecondlap.
Aft
erthemomentofsil
ence,shest
epscl
osert
ome
andbefor
eIknewit
,shehadherhandonmychest
andti
l
tedherheaduptolookatme.

“Youhavebeenf rustr
atedforalongtimeMr
Masuku,”shesay sdrawingcir
clesonmychest .“
I
am alsofr
ustrat
ed, soIthi
nkwecoul dhelpeach
otherandloosenthet i
edknots.Thissexualt
ensi
on
betweenusi sdrai
ning–mypl aceoryourpl
ace?”I
l
ookatherandchuckl ebefor
eIremoveherhand
from me, sheisi
nvadi
ngmypersonalspaceandshe
bettergetusedtosit
ti
ngonthefencebecauseI
’d
ratherdi
et hansl
eepwithher
.

“MovealongSl i
ndi
le–y oustil
lhavey ourful
lfi
ve
l
apst odo.”Hermout hhangsopenwi thhereyes
gobbli
ngout .Sheshouldjustgi
veupal readyand
stopwasti
ngmyt i
mewi t
hheronesi dedsexual
tensi
on,meandherar enevergoingtohappen.I
shushedhert omov ealongandshet hrewaf i
t
befor
eturningbackandl eavemest andingthere.

JustwhenIwast hi
nkingthatwearestart
ingtoget
alongascivi
l i
ndivi
duals,
shegoesont opullt
hat
stuntonmeandsomet hi
nginmet ell
smewest il
l
hav ealongwayt ogobef or
eshefinall
ygetsi
t
throughherthickskul
lthatI’
m nev
ergoingtohiton
that.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
een

Zobuhl
e

“
Zobuhl
e,no!
”

Thetipoft heknifehadal readysanki ntohisskin,hi

s
shir
twasst ai
nedwi thbl oodandwi thonemor epush
Iwoul dhavef l
ushedi tall i
nbutIf eltauntNomsa’ s
handont opofmi ne.Hert earyeyesl ockedwi th
mineandsheshookherhead–t hatwasn’ ttheright
wayt odeal withmyanger .Shetookt heknifefr
om
myhandandIt ookast epbackf r
om hi m.Hegasped
forairli
kehewasdeni edoxy genforaf ul
lminute,
theroom wentsi lent,youwoul dhav ehear dthe
soundofapi nhitti
ngt hef loorandmyhear twas
pumpi ngagainstmychest .Icouldhav edonei t
,I
couldhav ekil
ledhim andsav emor ewoment hathe
i
sgoi ngtoki l
lli
keheki l
ledmymot herandwho
knowsi fhehasn' tdonet hesamet hingi nthepast.
Mymot hermi ghtnothav ebeent hef irstofhis
v
ict
ims.

Theshockonev eryone'sfaceandt he
disappoi ntmentmademewi shthegroundwoul d
j
ustopenupandswal l
owmebecauseIwasal so
embar r
assedanddi sappointedonhowIr eact ed.He
collectedhi mselfandbecamet wicethemonst erhe
i
s, andt oldmet oleav ehishouseandnev ercome
back–“ Youar ebani shedfrom here!
”,t
hosewer e
hiswor dsandi fIev ersetmyf ootintheThabet he
yardt henhe’ dhav emyhead.Andhewoul dn'tt ake
thef allforitbecausei t’
dbeonme.Noonef ought
forme, Nomsaj ustlookedatmewi t
hpityinher
eyesandt herestjustwant edmegoneasmuchas
hedi d.Idon’ tknowi fIshoul dbehappyt hathe
doesn’ twantmet herebecauseIhav enor easont o
bet hereany wayorIshoul dbesadbecauset hat’s
theonl ypl aceIcal l
home.

Ibl
ewof ft
hesteam andt
ookasipoft hebl
ack
cof
fee.Ihaveahugeheadachebecauseofthe
hangover,i
t’
dbegonefort
hetimebeingbutIknow
thatI’
dstar
tdri
nkingv
odkaagain–Ican’
tli
ve
withouti
tanymore.

“
Thesunri
sevi
ewisoneofmyfavour
ite,
”afemal
e'
s
v
oicechi
rpsi
nbehi
ndmeandturntolookback
“Weren'
tyousupposedt
obeoutt
her
e–f
ishi
ng?
”I
askher.
Thewhol ebuildingisempty
,thepatient
swentout
forami nit
riptot hebeacht
odof i
shing,Idon’tknow
howt hey’
llgetthem allt
odoitri
ght–sisterMar tha
saystheyneedsomef r
eshairf
rom timetoti
mebut
Ibeli
evefreshairi sev
erywhereelsewherefishisn’
t,
thatt
hingst i
nks.

“Ichosenotto,”shesay
ssilentl
y.Ir
eal
l
ythoughtI
wasal one,
Iwonderhowl ongshehasbeenstandi
ng
therebutshelooksmuchbet ternow–ther
apymust
behelpingheral ot
.
“Ial
sowoul dn'
thav egoneev eniftheypai dmet o,I
thi
nkI’m phobictothesea.Tomet hatthingl
ooks
angry,
”Isayandl aughasIt hinkaboutit.WellI’
m
theoppositeofmymot herbecauseshel oved
every
thingthatIdidn’
tlike,
Iam mor eli
kemyf ather
–aphot ocopyofhi m,ifyoulookatme, youare
l
ookingathi m andmay bethat ’
swhyI ’
mt hisugly.
It
urnt
hecupar
oundi
nmyhandsandt
akeanot
her
si
p.
“
Let'
stakeawalkinthegarden,Ineedt
hefr
eshai
r
t
hatIdeniedmysel
fandoncet heycomeback,
I
woul
dn'tbeabl
etoleave.
”

Ilookatherwithasmal lsmile,itwoul
dber udeof
met osaynot omyel derandmay bethefreshairi
s
whatIneedt oo.Weexi tthebuildi
ngandwal kedto
thesmallstr
eam thatIalway slookatfrom thatf
ull
l
engthwindow.Thebr eezeisreall
yrefr
eshingandI
canfeelmysensesl ooseningupasIt akei nafull
deepbreath.Idon’tgetwhynooneev ercomesout
hereandwhyi ttookmesol ongt oscr
ollhere.I
t’
sso
peacef
ul,
Icanhearmysel
fthi
nk–t
hisi
sdef
ini
tel
y
mynewf avour
it
ethi
nki
ngspot.

“Ihavebeenangr y
,angr
ywi t
hmy selfalot,
”she
speaksupbesi demeandIr emainsilentsothatshe
cancontinue.“Ibl
amedmy selff
ortheabuseIhadt o
endureandf ornowthatmychi l
drenareleftal
onein
thathousewi t
houtamotheroraf ather,
”shesighs
deeply.
Iam guessingthefatherwasar r
estedforwhathe
didtoher,Iwouldhav eclappedoncei fshedidn’
tget
anyjust
ice–hedeser vesit,
noonebeat supa
persontoapoi ntwheretheyl osethei
rmar bl
es–
that’
spl
ainev i
l
.

“Healway ssaiditismyfaul
t,Iam theonewho
pushedhi mtobeatme.Whatf rustr
atesmeev en
morei sthatIsawt hesi
gns,hehi tmeonceandI
choset ostayinthenameofl ove.Butthatwasonly
thestart,
hehitmeagai nunti
l i
tbecameacasual
thi
ng–Icoul dn’tleavet
henbecauseofmyki dsand
Ididn’
thaveanywher eelset ogo.”Sheisteari
ngup,
Icanhearherv oicebreaking.Al lvi
cti
mshav e
almostthesamer easonsf orthem tostaywiththe
abuser,i
tislove,itwasf ormychi ldr
en,Idi
dn'thav
e
anywhereelset ogoorhet hreatenedtokil
lme–
onewoul dthinkthatisjustasanexcusebuty ouwill
neverknowunt ilyoufindy oursel
finthatsi
tuati
on.

“Whathappenedt hatnight,theni ghthenearlykil

led
you?”Iasksti
l
llookingahead.I ’
m stil
lwonder i
ng
whatmymot her’sreasonwasf orhertostaywi th
thatabusi
vehusbandofher s, Iwasn’tther
eso
surel
yitwasn’
tforme, i
tcoul dn'thavebeenl ove
becauseshedidn’tlovehim –shewasaf r
aidofhi m
andshehadherf ami l
yt hatshecoul d'v
egonet obut
shechosetostayandheki l
l
edher !

“That'
swhatI’
m st r
uggli
ngwi thnow,Ihaveblocked
thatnightt
oapoi ntwhereIdon’trememberany
detai
lsaboutit
,”Isteal
agl anceatherandshei s
shakingherhead.“Mypsy chologi
stsaysIshouldbe
pati
entbutthemor
etimeIspendnotr
ememberi
ng,
themoretimeI’
dhavetospendi
nthi
splace.
”

Shelooksbett ertomenow, Iwonderi ftheycoul d

mov ehert
oamuchbet t
erplace,li
v i
ngwi ththose
ki
ndofpeopl e24/ 7mi ghtjustpullherbackintot hat
hel
lholeshej ustcr awledoutof .Andseei ngher
husbandmi ghtt r
iggerhert orememberev er
ything,
andIhopehei sget ti
ngwhathedeser vesbehind
barsandhopef ul
l
ywi llstayinthereforal ongtime.
Sheisastrongwoman, Ihavenodoubtt hatshewi ll
beabletopickher sel
fupandcl ai
m herl i
feback–
shedoesn’tneedhi m andIhopesher eal
isesthat.

“Hey ,
”Ifeelherhandonmyf or
earm,thecupof
coffeeisst i
ll
inmyhandspr obablyi
cecoldbynow
andI ’
m nol ongerinthemoodt odri
nkmor eofi
t.“
By
thatlookiny ourfaceIguessyoudidn’
thearaword
thatIsaid,”shehasasmi leonherfacewhichissoft
andhert ouchi s.
..
itr
emindsofmymot her
.
“Maybeweshouldgobackinsi
de,Ist
il
lneedto
fi
nishupcl
eani
ngbefor
etheycomeback. ”Shenods
andwebothwalkedbacki
nside.

•••

Runni ngar oundt hefieldfeel

ssof orei
gnallofa
sudden, Idon’tknowi fit'
smybodyormi ndt hat
doesn' twantt obeher ebutI’m doingmyut most
bestt ogetmyheadi nt hegame.Wear epract i
cing
butSi mbongapr eachedt hatweshoul dtakei tasa
ser i
ousgamebecauset het i
met of oolaroundi sno
mor e.Ican’ tkeepupwi ththesepeopl e,Ihavebeen
mi ssingal otofpr act
icesandmybodyf eel
sst if
f.
Ev enSl i
ndileisdoingmuchbet tert hanme, Ican’t
concent rate,mymi ndkeepsgoi ngi nandout .
“Zobuhl ef ocusont hebal l
!”
,Simbongawoul dsay
from t i
met oti
meandIbethehasbeenkeepi ngan
ey eonmemor ethant herestoft hegirl
s.

Ev
enmydr
ibbl
esandpassesar
edr
unk,
Ifeel
my
stomacht urni
ngandIgag, Ishouldn’thav ebecause
vomi treachesmymout hwithinseconds.I tisby
l
uckt hatIr eachedt heot hersideoft hefieldwithout
spewi ngitinthemi ddleoft hef i
eld.Ev er
ythingIate
camebackup, i
tsmel l
shor ri
blebecauseoft he
vodkat hatIdr ankanhourago–j ustli
keI
ment ionedear li
er,Ican’ tli
vewi t
houtt hatthing.Alot
ofmemor ieswer et riggeredy esterdayandIneeded
i
tt onumbt hepai n.Igaggedunt ilnothingcameout ,
Ifeltdizzyafterwar dsandweak, mykneeswer e
shakingbutIwon’ tl etitgetmedown, Iam much
strongerthant his.
“
Takethi
s,
”Sl
indi
l
ehandsmeabottl
eofwaterasI
wal
kedbackt
owherethegi
rl
shav
egather
ed.
“Thanks,
”Isayandgul
pedhal
fofthecont
enti
none
go.Myt hr
oatfel
tdr
ysoIreal
l
yneededthewat
er.

“Si
mbongahasbeenlooki
ngatyouasy ouwer e
vomit
ingandify
ouweren'
tlesbi
anthengirl
,Iwould
havesai
dy ouar
epr
egnant.Areyoualr
ightthough?
”
“
Iam f
ine.
”Isayst
ernl
yandshel
eav
esmeal
one.

Simbongai sbriefi
ngt het eam aboutwhathei s
expect i
ngf r
om us, wear edoi nggreatsofarbuthe
want sust obebet terthant hatandhewoul dn'tbe
pushi ngusliket hi
si fwedi dn’tneedtobepushed.
FunnybecauseIbel i
eveev erythi
ngthathesay s
aboutushav ingpot entialtogeti nt
otheRegi onal
League.Hedoesn’ tlookatmydi r
ecti
onforlong,he
i
supsetIknow, Ireal l
ysuckedt odayandwor seIgot
ont hef i
eldknowi ngv erywel lthatIwasintoxicat
ed.
Ami nutelat
er ,
aguywhohas6, noitis7Debonai r
s
pizzaboxes, wal kst owardsus.

“Thi
sisy ourrewardf orbeingt hisgreatandal ways
pushi
ngt obet hebest .
”Hehandsoutt hesi xboxes
andkeepsonef orhimself.I’
dhav esaidthisistoo
muchf oodbecauseal lweretripledeckersbut
knowingt hesegir
ls–t heyeatl ikemenandar enot
ashamedofi t
.Andt heystarteddi ggingin
i
mmedi atelywhent heboxesr eachedt heirhands.
Ther ear ealotofhappyf aces, wewer ef i
nebef ore
Simbongabutnowwear emuchbet ter,mor e
happi er.Heisreallydoingt hemostandIcanseet he
det ermi nati
oninhi seyes.Iwi shmyambi t
ion
mat chedhi s.BecauseIhadl ostmyappet i
te,Ileft
them t hereandwal kedpastSl i
ndil
ewhohadt hree2
l
itresofcool dr
inkwithher ,oneunderherar m and
twoi nherhands.Shedeni edmyhel pwhenIof fer
ed
tohel psoIcont inuedwal kingtomyr oom.Iknowhe
i
sf ol lowingmebecauseIcoul dfeelhispresence
behi ndmeandIcoul dn'tmi sshisscent .Istopped
andt urnedt olookathim.

“
What
?”

“
Real
lyZobuhl
e?Youcamet
opr
act
icedr
unk–what
i
swrongwithyou?
”
“Whati
swrongwit
hy ou?Howisi
tyourpr
obl
em t
hat
Icametopr
acti
cedrunkornot
?”
“OhsoI ’
mj ustast atue,youdon’tknowwhoIam
now?Iam y ourcoachZobuhl eandy ouknowv ery
wellthatyouar enotsupposedt obei nt
hef i
eld
whilsti
ntoxicated.Don'tbeselfi
shZobuhl e,you
werenotpl ayingaloneoutt her
e–y ouhav eat eam
of25gi r
lsbehi ndyouandy ouneedacl earmi ndto
playball
,ifyouar en’
talri
ghtthenthewhol eteam wi l
l
fall
apart.
”

“
Okay.”Isai
dthr
owingmyhandsi
ntheai
rand
t
urnedtowalkawaybuthecal
l
soutmyname.

“Iunder
standthaty
ouar egoi
ngthroughalotbut
don’tl
etthatcl
oudyourmind,endupforget
ti
ngwhy
youarehereinthefi
rstpl
ace.Yesi
thurtsandI
underst
and–”

“Youdon’tunderst
andanything–you’reonthe
outsi
de,l
ookingin!
”Ishoutedandstompedmyf oot
.
Iam ti
redofpeoplesayi
ngt heyunder
standwhatI
am goingthroughwhentheyhav enoideaofthe
amountofpainIam f
eel
i
ng.Hehasbothofhis
parents,
Ihav
enoneandhecan’
tser
iousl
ycompar
e
thelossofmyparent
swit
hthel
ossofhisbaby
mama–hecan’ t!

Ilef
thi m st andi
ngt hereandr antomyr oom.I
steppedi nsideandbangedt hedoorbehindme.Why
can’ttheyj ustleavemeal one?Isankdownt othe
fl
oorwi t
ht earsrunningdownmyf ace–mamawhy
didyouchoosehi m ov erme?–Iwai l
edwithmy
bodyshaki ng.Iwisht hepainwoul dleavemyheart
l
ikethet earswel l
i
ngoutofmyey es,atl
easttheni
t
woul dn'tbesobadandI ’dcryjustenoughtogetri
d
ofall ofit.

Therei
sonepersont
hatcantaket
hepai
naway,I
takemyphoneanddi
all
edhernumber
,andshe
answer
edjusti
mmediat
ely.

“
Mal
i
ndi
,Ineedy
ou.
”
Ut
hando:
Four
teen

Si
mbonga

Wehav ewononemat choutoft hreemat chest his

weekandIam notqui tesur pr i
sedbecauset he
compet iti
oni stough.Thegi r
lsar et r
ying,theyar e
doingthei rbest–Idon’ twantt olieandwear est i
ll
standi
ngst rong.Ibeliev ewecandot his.Ingames
l
ikethese, I
’m onlylookingathowt hey’replayi
ng–
aretheyat tackingorchasi ng–t hingsl i
ket hatandi f
i
twasaj udgedcompet it
iont henwewoul dhav ewon
mostgames.Wewon' tgiveupt hough, ourhear ts
aresti
llint his,wear eal li
nandt her eisnowaywe
aregettingoutwi thoutget ti
ngwhatwegoti nher e
forinthef irstplace.Theper sonIam wor ri
edabout
i
sZobuhl e,justasIam t hinkingabouther ,Ilif
tmy
eyesupandshehasherbackonmewi thabot tlein
herhandwhi chshei mmedi atelytakesasi poutof–
Ihopei t
'snotwhatIt hinkitis.
Istoodupandappr oachedher
, andyankedthe
bottl
efrom herhandbefor
eshemanagedt ohidei
t
fr
om me.Gui lti
salr
eadywashingalloverherf
ace,
hereyesarelazil
yopenandshel ooksti
redashell
.I
broughttheopenedbottl
euptomynoseandi t'
s
vodka,j
ustasIsuspected!

“
Youwi
l
lsi
tont
hebench.
”

“
But–”

“Thi
sisnotupf ordiscussi
onZobuhle!
”Ishoutand
theroom fal
l
squi et
.“Youshouldhavethoughtabout
theconsequencesbef oreyouevenboughtthi
s
thi
ng.”Icl
osedt hebottl
eandputitaway.“Youwil
l
dri
nkthis,
”Igiveherat wolit
rebot
tl
eofwat er
.“Al
lof
i
tandy oubetterbereadytobeont hefi
eldinthe
secondhalf.
”Shenodswi t
hhereyesdropped.

Iam v
erydi
sappoi
ntedi
nher
,Idon’
tknowi
fshehas
adeat hwi shbutt hewayshei sdrinki ngnowi s
unheal t
hyandbyt het imesher ealisest hatshe’dbe
anal coholic–t hisisnott hewayt odeal wit
hher
pain.Ihopeshewakesupbef orei t'
st oolate.The
ti
mehascomef orourf or
thmat ch, wear eplay i
ng
againsttheMangosut huLadi esF. C, t
het eam spi r
it
i
shi ghandIl ovethei rconf i
denceandposi tive
att
itude.Theot herteam hasbeeni nt hi
sgamef ora
l
ongt i
me, sot heyar egoodbutI ’
ml ookingfor ward
toseehowt hingspl ayout .Wear ei nourf i
eld,in
KwaMashu, sot heot herteam t ravelledalltheway
fr
om UMl azi t
ocomeandpl aywi t
hus.Weev enhav e
alotofaudi encest oday–azi she!

Wewal ktothefi
eldandt heothert
eam isbusy
stretchingsoIgetmyt eam t
owar m upaswel l.I
scant hefi
eldmeasuringouropponent sthenthere’
s
agi r
l sit
ti
ngont hegrassanditlookslikesheis
struggl i
ngtofastenhersoccerbootslaces.Ilook
aroundagai nandnoonecomesupt ohelphersoI
tooki tuponmy selft
ogoandhel pher.Heroneknee
i
supandshei sbusycussi ngunderherbr eat
h–
someonemusthav
ewokenupont
hewr
ongsi
deof
thebed.

“
CanIhelpyouwitht
hat?
”Isay,cr
ouchi
ngdowni
n
f
rontofherandshel
if
tsupherhead.

Whoa!

Ifeelani nvisibleforcepushi ngmebackandIf el

lon
mybut t
,balanci ngwi thmyhandsont hegr ound.She
battedherdoe- ey es,l
ooki ngst raightatme, whoi s
thi
scr eature?Herski nisf l
awless, smoot hl ikeifI
wer etotouchheri t’
dbel ikedippi ngmyf ingeri ntoa
bowl ofmel tedcar amel ,shepl aitedherhai ri ntotwo
neatcor nrowsandt het extureofherhai rtellsme
thatshemi ghtbeami xedr ace–i t
’scurlylikeshe’ s
coloured.Shej ustf r
ozel ikeIam asIsi nki ntoher
bigbrowney es,Goddamn, IswearIam bei ng
bewi t
chedher e, hersombr egazei sall
uring–
probablybecauseshei sn’tawar eofhowat tracti
veit
i
s.
Iquicklycol l
ect edmy selfandwentt ot hecrouchi ng
position.Shehasn' tsaidanythingyetandIam
getti
ngi mpat ientt ohearherangel i
cv oice,‘
how
wouldy ouknowi t’sangeli
c?!’
,mymi ndscr eamsand
Ifrown.Shedoesn’ tobjectwhenIr eachoutt ot ie
herlacessoIguessshehasnopr oblem wi t
hitandI
wentont ot yi
ngt heot hershoe.OnceI '
m done, I
standupandhol doutmyhandt ohelphert ost and
up.Shet akesi tandIi mmedi atel
yregretwhyI
offeredi nthef irstplace.Hert ouchisel ect
ri
fyingor
may beIam t hinki ngtoomuchaboutt hisbutIf eel
drownt oher, mor eandmor eandIcan’ tcontrol i
t.
Shepul lsherhandf r
om mi neandIsnapoutofi t
.
Therei
sfeari
nherey esandnowsheislooki
ng
ever
ywhereel
sebesidesme, i
tmakesmewonderif
shefel
twhatIfel
t.Shelooksyoung–cutei
sthe
ri
ghtwordtodescri
beher.

“Goodl
uck.
”Thewordssl
ipoutofmymouthbef
oreI
coul
dconsenti
t–sheispl
ayi
ngtotheot
hert
eam.
Jesus,howcanIwi shherl
uckwhenshei
spl
ayi
ng
againstus?Al
readyIam goi
ngcr
azy.

“MrMasuku,
”av oi
cechi
rpsi
nfrom behi
ndmeand
qui
ckl
yturnback.“
Wemeetagain,
”shesayslooki
ng
atmeandov ermyshoul
der–tothegirl
behi
ndme.

“Nyambose,
longt
ime, nosee.IwishIcoul
dsayiti
s
goodtoseeyouagainbutunderthecir
cumstances
wemeeton,Idon’
tthinkthatwouldbetheri
ght
thi
ngtosay.
”

“Iam surpr
isedyouevengott
hisf
ar,
judgi
ngbythe
amountoft imeyouhavebeenint
hatposi
ti
on.
”She
point
st omewi t
haf r
own.
“Itdoesn’
tgobyhowmanyy ears–it
’saboutt
he
l
ov eandskil
l
.”Ipatmychestwit
hasmi r
konmy
face.Sheisnotr eal
l
yhappyaboutt
his,
sheissour
l
ikeIhav ealreadywonthegamewhenwehav en’
t
ev enstar
ted.
“Whatev
er.
”Shewavesdismissi
vel
yandgoespast
me.Itur
nandsheisstandi
ngbetweenmeandthe
gir
l.

Thef earIsawi nherawhi leagohasdoubl ed,noit

hast r
ipl
edandt hepoorgi rlisshakinglikealeaf.
Nomagugul ooksl ikeshei sr epri
mandi ngherabout
somet hi
ng, Ican’thearany thi
ngbecauseshei s
whisperingandt hecr owdi smaki ngal otofnoise.
Shekeepsonnoddi nguntil Nomagugupul l
shert o
plantaki ssonherf orehead–Idi dn’tknowshehad
thatmot herly
,sof tsideinher .Thegi rlr
unsalongt o
thecrowdofhert eammat esandNomagugut ur
nst o
l
ookatme–t hi
swomani sbi t
ter
.

“Stayawayf r
om mygi r
lsSi
mbonga.Youhavehad
enoughofownnowy ouarecr
awl
ingint
omy
terri
tory?”herheadisfi
ll
edwit
hsomuchsi ckt
heory
,
notal lcoachessleepwitht
hei
rpl
ayers–I’
m not
sickliketherestofthem.
“Idon’tknowwhaty ouaretalki
ng,Iwasjusthel
ping
herwi t
h..
.”Itookadeepbreathandt hought
,Idon’t
havet oexplainmysel
ftoher.“Thebattl
eisonthe
fi
eld,notouthere.
”

Shewentmor esourl i
keshej ustsuckedasl i
ceof
l
emonandbi t
terli
keshej ustswal l
owedabarof
soap.Ever
ythi
ngabouthermakesmesi ck,Idon’t
knowherthatwel lbutwi t
hev erythingthatsheis
spewing,j
usttel
lsmewhatki ndofaper sonshei s–
shelooksdownonot herpeopleandusest he‘Ihave
beeninthi
sgamef oralongtime’ l
inetogett o
danceontopofot herpeople’sheadwel lnowshe
hasmethermat ch.Shedoesn’ tscar eme.Ilefther
ther
eandwentt obr i
efmypl ayers.

“
Remembert
o–”

“
ATTACK!”theyexcl
aim att
hesamet
ime.Mywor
k
i
sdonehere.
Thenecessi ti
esar edonebef oret hegameandt hen
allpl
ayersent ert hefieldandt akeposi ti
on.Thatbug
-eyedgirli
sint hef i
eldaswel l.Iturntol ookback,
Zobuhleisdr inkingherwat erandshel ooksupwi th
afakesmi leonherf ace.Igi veherast raightface
andsheexhal esshar pl
y–I ’m donepl ay i
nggames,
shebet t
erpul lher sel
ftoget her .Thegamest art
s,it’
s
sti
llearl
ytot ellwhi chdi r
ect i
onwear egoi ngandi t
sti
lll
ookspr omi sing.Twent ymi nutesint hegame,
bug-eyesscor est hef ir
stgoal thatleftmegl uedto
thegroundwi thmymout hhangi ngopen.Idi dn’tsee
i
tcomi ng.Shei sgood, al
right ,reall
ygoodandI ’m
i
mpr essed.Icl ear edmyt hroatandf ocusedonmy
ownt eam.

Hal
fti
me, thescoreis2–0,wear
elosi
ngsofarbut
westi
llhaveanother45mi
nutest
omakeupforthe
l
ostgoals.
“Zobuhl
e,ar
eyour
eady
?”shegi
vesmeabor
edl
ook
andstandsup.
“I
’
mr eady,
”shetakesadeepbr
eat
heandst
art
s
str
etchi
ng,t
alkaboutl
atet
imi
ng.

Secondhal f,theteamst akeposi t

ionandi tisgame
ti
me.Theopponenti splayi
ngr eall
ywel lbutmygi rl
s
arealsopl ayingatt hei
rbest .Nomagugui sagood
coach, Igivehert hatbutshel ackssomet hi
ng.Ten
minut eslater,shet akesoutt hewi de-eyedgi r
l,sheis
goodsoIguessshei ssav i
ngherf ortheother
mat ches.Zobuhl eis...
Idon’tknow, shejustgota
yel
lowcar dforabsol utenonsense–shecoul dhave
avoidedt hatf oul!Ikeepheronf oraf ewmi nutes.
WhenIt urntomyl eft,
Ifindt hegirl l
ookingatme
butshequi cklylooksaway .It ellmysubst it
utet o
warm upsol ongandIwentbackt oscanni ngt he
fi
eld.Anot hery ell
owcar d–Zobuhl e!

It
akeheroutandsher
unsupt
ome.
“I
’
m sorry
,”shemur
mur
sandgoest
osi
tont
he
bench.
NowIhav elostagoodplay
erbecauseofher
stupi
dity,
Iputmyhopesi nt
oSl i
ndi
le–Ipr ayshewil
l
stepupandcl oset
hegap.Fif
teenminutes,myteam
scores!Iclappedmyhandsast heycheered,weare
doingwellandIam proudofthem.

“Wher
earey
ougoi
ng?
”IaskZobuhl
easshest
ands
uptowal
kaway
.

“
Ihavedrankt
woli
tresofwat
ersoIneedt
ogot
o
t
hetoi
let–Ineedt
opee.”

“
Itol
dyounott
oleav
emysi
ght
.”

“
Sowhatdoyouwantmet odo?Squathereandpee
i
nfr
ontoft
hesepeopl
e,oryouwanttoaccompany
metothet
oil
et?
”

“
Don'
tbecr
azy
,youcangobut2mi
nut
esZobuhl
e
andIhav
est
art
edcount
ing.
”

Shescof fsandl eav esmysi ght.AsIt urn, buggieis

l
ooki ngmywaywi thasmi l
eonherf ace, shemust
havehear dmyconv ersationwi thZobuhl e–t hatgirl
i
sgoi ngt odr i
vemecr azybutnotl i
ket hisonet hatis
staringr i
ghtbackatme.Hersmi l
eisjustas
beaut if
ul.FocusSi mbonga, Islapmy selfi nternall
y
andputmyheadbacki nt hegame.Themat chends
with, 2–1, theot hert eam wonbutwedi dwel lfor
oursel ves.Itwast het oughestcompet i
tion,
Nomagugucoul dn’ tbehappi erandI’m sur eshe
yearnst orubi tonmyf ace.Ispeakwi tht hegi rl
sone
l
astt ime, togi vethem f eedbackonhowt heypl ayed,
point edoutt heirweaknesseswhi lei
t’sst illf
reshon
theirmi ndsandj ustl i
ket heyhav ebeenal lweek–
theyhav en’tlosthope.

•••

Af
teral
ongday
,Idr
ovet
oMbuzaneSpot
,it
’squi
te
popularar oundher esoIopt edt ocheckitoutand
getmy selfadr inkbef oreIdr i
vehome.I tl
ooks
moder nf oradr inkingjointinthetownship,Iam
evenseei ngmeni nsuitsinher e–theowner smust
beroll
ingi nalotofmoneyt obeat t
racti
ngsuchbi g
shotsintot hetownshi p.Themusi cisnotev enthat
l
oud, i
t’sjustthosedr unkmeni nthecornerthatare
makingal otofnoi se.If oundanunoccupi edchair
nexttot hebarandt hebar t
endergav emeagl assof
thei
rfinestwhi skey ,I’
m notpickyandno, Idon’t
stor
eanyal cohol inmyhousewel lthatwasbecause
ofKwandobutnowi thasgr ownt obeahabi t.

Forthenextround,
Ioptforabeer,Iam still
dr i
ving
toDurbanNor t
hsoIneedacl earhead.Thedoor
opensandal oudnoiseofgir
lstal
kingreachedmy
ears–i twasmoreliket
heywer echeeri
ng.It urned
backtoseewhoi twasbecausemyf i
ngerswer e
crossedthati
twon’tbeSli
ndil
eandherf ri
ends, or
ZobuhlewhoImadesur eshewasi nherr oom when
Ilef
tmyof fi
cebuti
t’snoneofthepeoplet hatIhav e
ment i
oned,i
tisNomagugu’steam wellnotall of
them justafew.Itur
nedbackt omybeer.Mylif
eis
getti
ngal it
tl
ebitl
onelynow,Ienj
oybeingi
nthef i
eld
butwhenIgohomei tisanotherst
oryandImiss
Kwandoal ot,
Ievenmi ssMmeRadebeatt hi
spoint
thati
sj usthowbadmyl onel
i
nessisnow.

Laught erf
il
lstheroom, i
tisfrom thesamegr oupof
girl
swhohav ejustcameinandshei swiththem.I
starelongenought oseeherl aughingagain,she
l
ightsupl i
keahouseonf ir
eandev eninthi
snoi sy
room, Icanpickuphersoundofl aughterandit
reachesmyear sli
keasweetmel ody.Lookatme
getti
ngmor eandmor echeesy ,sheisdefi
nit
ely
doingsomet hingtomewi t
houtev enknowingi t
.
Whenshet urnsshef i
ndsmel ooki
ngather ,
Iraise
mybeerupandshegi vesmeanodbef oregoing
backtot heconv er
sati
ongoi ngoni nhertabl
e.

“Hel
loladies,”Iam amancapableofmanyt hi
ngs
butIcouldn’tstayaway
.Shelooksstart
led,t
hose
eyesarebewi t
chi
ngandIam defi
nit
elygoingto
dr
owni
nthem.

“Hi
!”thegirlsgreetbackandgi gglelikeit'
sthefi
rst
ti
met heyar eseeingamani nfrontoft hem,itmust
bethesi deeffectofli
vinginapl acef i
l
ledwithgirl
s
onlyandhav ingaper sonli
keNomaguguast hei
r
guardian.Idoubtsheev erlet
st hem outofhersi ght,
Isawhowsher eactedtoday–v erypossessive.
“
Soyouaregoi
ngt
oletmedr
inkal
lal
one,
”Iwhi
sper
i
nherear
.

“I
fyoudidn’tl
i
kedr
inki
ngal
onethenyoushouldhave
broughtsomeonewit
hyou.
”It
oldyouhervoicewas
angeli
c,damnI’mi
ntoodeep–Iam nevergoingt
o
fi
ndmywayoutofher e.

“Icoul
dbuyy ouanotherdri
nkj
ustt
osay
congrat
ulati
onsforbeati
ngmyassear
li
eron.
”That
l
aughagai n.
“
Thanky
ouIcanaf
for
dtobuymyowndr
ink.
”

“Gi
rl
s,t
henextroundi
sonme. ”Theyal
lcheerandI
don’
tgetanyexci
tementf
rom thegi
rlI
’
mt r
yingto
fl
att
er.

Thebar t
endercomeswi ththeirdri
nksatmysi gnal
andIwentt opay.Theni ghtmi ghtstil
lbey oungbut
i
thasbeenal ongday .Iwentbackt othei
rtableand
tookherhandwhi leItoldtheirfr
iendst oexcuseus.
Shecouldn'tsaynobecauseherf r
iendsdidn’tal
low
herto,ahwellatleastIhav eherpeopl einmycor ner
soshebet t
erdiveinwi thmeandwecandr own
together
.
“
Ithoughtsi
nceyoudi
dn’
twantt
ojoi
nmeforadr
ink,
t
heleastyoucoul
dist
akemetomycar.
”

“
Youarel
eavi
ngalr
eady?
”itsl
ippedoutbecauseshe
r
egr
etswhyshesai
dthataft
erwards.
Ichuckl
e,“
yeahIhav
etodr
ivehomebef
orei
tget
s
t
oolat
e.”It
’salr
eadychi
ll
yout
side,
I’
mt hi
nki
ng
maybeitar
ound7i fi
t’
snot8al
ready.“
Icoul
dstayi
f
youwantmet o.”

Shesmil
esshyl
y.“
ThatisnotwhatImeant,It
hought
youweregoi
ngtostayali
tt
lebitl
ongersi
nceyou
askedmetojoi
nyouforadrink.
”

“AndthenyourefusedsoIdon’
thav eanyr easont
o
stay
.”Iam dr
ivi
ngherintoati
ghtcornerandshe
doesn’
thaveanythingt
osaybackaf terthat.“
You
guysplay
edwel l
today,ver
yimpressive.
”

“Yourteam wasgoodtoo.”Wehavereachedmycar
soIleanedonitwhil
eshest oodi
nfrontofme.
Thereisahugegapbet weenus,i
tcouldfil
lfi
ve
peopleandit’
dtakeher8stepsmaxf orhertogett
o
me.

“
Umuhl
e,
”Isayaf
teral
ongmomentofsi
l
enceand
sheshoot
shereyest
omebef
oreshedr
opst
hem t
o
l
ookatherhands.

Inst
eadofthankyou,
shesays,“
Ishoul
dgoback.We
alsoneedt
ol eav
esoonbefor
eitgetsl
ate.
”
“Yeahletmenotkeepy ou,knowingNomagugu
she’dhav eaf i
tifyouguy scomebackl at
e.”That
gli
mpseoff earflashesi nhereyesagain,
herchest
i
sheav ing–IhopeIdi dn’tsayanythi
ngwrong.“I-
I’
m
sorryIdidn’tmeani tinabadway .”If
indmy sel
f
feel
inggui l
tyforsomet hi
ngIdon’tevenknow.
“
Goodni
ghtMrMasuku,
”shequi
ckl
yrushesof
f.
“
ButIdi
dn’
tgety
ourname.
”
Shestopsjustaf ewstepsfr
om thedoor,i
nthat
minuteshecouldgetinsidet
hedoorwi t
houttel
li
ng
mehernameorshecoul dmakemyni ghtandtel
l
mehername, ei
theronewouldsayalotabouthow
shefeel
saboutme.
“I
nganat
hi,
”shesaysandIwat
chherasshe
di
sappearsi
nsi
detheopendoor.
Ut
hando:
Fif
teen

I
nganat
hi

Iswearwegother etwomi nut esagoandnowwe

hav etol eave–it’
struewhent heysayt imegoes
fastwheny ouarehav ingfun.Atf irstIwasn't
i
nt erestedingoingoutbutNozi phodr aggedmeout
ther oom andsai dit
’saboutt i
meIl etloose.Inev er
gett ogetoutandhav efun, i
fI’m noti nthefiel
d
playingorpr act
ici
ngt henI’
dbesi ttingonmyst udy
deskst udy i
ngMechani csorPhy sics–t hati
s
basicallyhowmyev erydayl i
feis.Wear estayi
ngi n
ahot el,GardenCour t
,insouthbeachsonowwe
hav etot rav
elal
l t
hewaybackt here.Idon’ teven
knowhowNozi phogott oknowt hispl acebecause
asf arasIknowshedoesn’ tknowKwaMashul i
ke
ther estofus.

WegetanUberandheadt
othehot
el,
Nomagugu
coul
d’v
ebookedusi
nacheapB&Bbutshehad
moneyt ospendandchoset hisplace.Iam not
compl aini
ngt hough,t hesethi
ngshappenoncei na
whi l
ebecausewehostmostgamessosomet i
mes
we’dspendmor etimei ntheAcademyt hannot .We
allarri
veatt hesamet ime,wehadt ot aket woUber s
sincewewoul dn'thav efit
tedi
nonecart henIchose
togost r
aighttoourr oom whileNozi phosai dshe's
accompany ingtheot hergroupofgi r
lstot heirrooms.
Iwal keddownt hepassage, holdi
ngmybr eat hand
didal it
tl
epr ayerthatNomagugudoesn’ tseemeout
herebecauseIdon’ tthinkshe’dli
ket heideat hatwe
wentoutwi thoutherper missi
on.
Iopenedt hedoort heroom Iam shar i
ngwi t
h
Noziphoandt hereisaf i
guresit
tingont opofmy
bed.Itisasmall r
oom wi t
ht wosinglebedsandan
unsuitedbathr
oom, wedon’thavet hebestv i
ew
thoughandpr obabl yt
hat’
swhyi tischeap.Itur nthe
l
ightsonandshel ooksupt ome.Shesur pri
singly
l
ookscal m butthatwascr eepyofhert ositinthe
darkli
kethat.Thedoori sclosedbehi ndme, i
t’s
eit
herIstandthereorIwal kfurt
heri ntotheroom
andIchoset ostaygl uedtothegr ound.Everything
aboutherscr
eams–st
ayaway–buti
t’
snevert
oo
l
ongbecausesheal
waysf
indsawayt
oinv
ademy
personal
space.

“
Ihopeyougi
rl
shadf
un.Youneededt
ocel
ebr
ate–
t
hatwasagoodgame.
”

Inod,
looki
ngatt
hesl
i
ngbagt
hati
sinmyhands.

“
Come.
”Shepat
stheempt
yspacebyhersi
de.
Itookadeepbr eathandwal kedupt oher.WhenIsit
down, shedoesn' twai tformet or el
axfir
stbefore
sherunsherhandt hroughmyhai randt r
ail
sitdown
tomyback.Shehasasi ll
ysmileonherf ace,Idon’
t
knowwhyshehadt ost ayupt i
llthislat
ewhenshe
shouldbesl eeping–weal lhadal ongdayandwe
needtor est.Herf i
nger sarerunningupanddown
myspi ne,toobadbecauseIam onl ywearingashirt
thati
st oothinagai nstmyski nsoIcanf eelthe
warmt hofherhand.Thedoorcr acksopen, she
pausesandNozi
phoappear
s.

“Ohsorr
y,It
hought
..
.”shemakesaU-tur
nbutshe
doesn’
tgett
oofarbeforeNomagugucal
lsherback.

“It
'sagoodthi
ngthaty ouareher e–t hemore,t
he
mer r
ier–comeoni n.Idon’tthi
nky oucandenyme
thechancetohavemyowncel ebrat
ion,Iwor
ked
hardtogetyougir
lsher eandi t
'sti
met oharv
est.
Closethedoor
,”sheisget t
ingimpat i
ent.

ThedoorclosesandNozi phoi salreadystri

ppingoff
hercl
othes,Ilookedathershockedbutt hatshock
qui
cklyvanisheswhent hesmel loflavenderhitsmy
nostr
il
s.Mymi ndr egi
stersofwhati sreall
ygoingon
andIdon’tknowhowIam goi ngt oholdbackt he
al
coholfrom risingbackupt omymout hbecause
nothi
ngdisgust smemor eliket hesmel loflav
ender
–Ihateit!Shehasnev erkissedmebef orebutshe
getsi
tdownwi thNozi pho.Goosebumpscr awl on
myskinatt het houghtofhav inghert onguedown
myt
hroat
.Idon’
tknowwhoi
smoani
ngbutIdoubti
t
i
sNozi
pho.

Foraf ewmi nutes, Iam wat chi

ngt heshowoft hem
getti
ngi tonandt henshemov est olayont heot her
bed,faci ngup.Nozi phohasbeendoi ngthisfora
l
ongt ime, shei snott heonest andi ngont heside
l
ookingl ikear ainedchi ckeninsteadshei sdoing
everyt
hi ngthatNomaguguwant swi thoutherev en
tel
li
ngherwhatt odo.Shei sonNomagugu’ sface
andshei seatingherup–shei smoani ngbuther
moanssoundt oogoodt obet rue.Nomaguguhas
herlegsopenandIknowt hati
smycuet obur ymy
faceinbet weent hem.I fitwasanyot herday ,maybe
i
nt heaf terl
ifeort henext ,thenmay beIwoul d've
foundt hisarousi ngbutIam not ,notev enal i
tt
lebit.

ShecumsandNozi phojumpsof fherface,shehas

gotwhatshewantandshecoul dn'tbehappier.I
wipemylipswi
ththebackofmyhand, l
ookingat
Nozipho–shehasal otofexpl
ainingtodo.Weget
undercov ersont hesamebedt hatNomaguguhada
feastonandwear esnuggl i
ngupt oocloset oeach
other.Theonl ysoundi sthatoft hebeachnotf ar
from thehotel andourownbr eath.Wedon’ tsay
anythingtoeachot herforawhi l
e,Ihavemybackon
herandshei sholdingmef r
om behind–st i
llbutt
naked.Shegoesont ot ouchi
ngmyhai randIexhal e.
Sheist heonewhopl ai
tsit,
washesi t–basi call
y
shet akescareofi tli
kei t
sherown.Iwant edtocuti t
butshet hreatenedt okillmeifIdobuti ti
st oolong
andmakesmesweatr eall
yhardwhenIam pl aying.

“Whendiditst
art?”Iaskqui
etl
yandsheremai
ns
si
lentbutherf
ingersarest
il
lgoi
ngthr
oughmyhair
.

Isti
rredt
oturntofaceher
,shel
ookedcal
m andI
couldn’
tgetanytr
aceofanyemoti
onsfr
om her
.

“Soar
ey ougoingtot
ell
meornot?”shesi
ghs.I
fshe
hasbeenatitwit
hNomaguguthenshemusthave
knownthatshewasdoingt
hesamewi t
hme.Idon’t
knowhowtof
eelaboutt
his,Ican’
tbeangrybecause
wearebot
hundert
hecontrolofthatwoman.

“Werey ougoingtot el
lmei fwhathappenedearli
er
didn’
thappen? ”Ikeepmyey esonher sli
keI
’m
searchingforsomet hi
ng.Yes, Iam gui
lt
ybecauseI
wouldn'thavesaidany thi
ngandIwast ooashamed
totellanyone,whatiftheylaughedatme?ImeanI
l
ostmyv ir
gini
tytoherwhi chany onewouldfi
nd
absurd.

“
No.
”Ishookmyhead.

“Al
lIam goi
ngtosayis,allt
hatIhavebeendoingi
s
soIcanstayintheAcademy ,pl
aybal
landtokeep
herhappy,t
hatwayIdon'thavetoworryabout
anyt
hing–Ihaveacceptedit.
”

Isawthat
,iti
sli
ket
hishasbecomeanormtoher
andshehasbeenherebef
oremesoiti
snotdoubt
thatitissomet hi
ngthathasbeengoi ngoffora
whi l
e.Itmakesmewonderi fshedoest hesamet o
therestoft hegi r
lsorshehasherownspeci fi
c
peoplet hatshedoest hesethingst o.Iwon’tcall
it
punishmentbecauseIhav enev erdoneany thi
ngto
makeherhur tmel i
kethat
,Iplaywel l,Ist
ayoutof
troubleandIhav eneverbeenwi t
haboyl ikeshe
adv i
sedmenott o,soIdon’
tunder standwhyshei s
doingal lofthis.

“
Sowhenar
eyouseei
nghi
m agai
n?”

“
Who?
”

“SimbongaMasuku.”Icantraceali
ttl
ebitof
excit
ementinhervoi
cesoIguesswear eover
feeli
ngdepr
essedandsor r
yf orour
sel
ves.

“
Idon'
tknow.
”It
urnt
osl
eeponmyback.
“
Buty
ouar
egoi
ngt
oseehi
m agai
n,r
ight
?”

“
Whywoul
dIdot
hat
?”

“Soyouaregoi ngtodenyi tandsayy outhatyou

didn’
tseethattheguyisi nterest
edinyou.Imeanhe
wentalloutandboughtusdr inksevenwentasf ar
asgetti
ngy outoaccompanyhi mtohiscar.
”The
l
astpartisonher ,
Iwoul dn'thavegonewi t
hhimi f
shedidn’
tbul l
ymei nt
oi t
.“Imeanev enabl i
nd
personwoul dseethattheguyhashot sforyou.
”

“Iwouldn'tknow.”Ihaveneverbeeninlovebefor
eso
i
tisforeigntomebutIhav etoadmitthatIfel
t
somethingf orhi
m, l
ikeIwasdrawnt ohim andtoo
comfortablearoundhim –safeistherightwordto
descri
behowIr eal
lyfel
t.Buti
twasst r
angebecause
Idon’
tev enknowhi ml i
kethat.

“
Ohy
oucanbesl
owMi
ssObennebo.
”Sheget
sout
ofthebedandwal kst
ot hewardr
obepr obablyto
l
ookf orherpy
jamas.“Thatguymightbet heoneand
youareheresayi
ng‘Iwouldn'
tknow’,‘
Iwouldn't
know’.”Shemimicsmyv oi
cebutshedoesn’ tgeti
t
ri
ght.

“
Woul
dyoucov
erf
ormei
fIwer
etogoout
?”

Thewayherheadt ur
nedatmyquesti
on,Iswearher
necksnapped,
thatwastoofastf
orali
vi
nghuman
bei
ng.

“Whatar
esay
ingt
ome?Soy
ouar
egoi
ngt
oseehi
m
agai
n?”
Sheistheonewhowaspr eachingt
omeaboutthe
guysowhyissheacti
nglikeshedidn’
thaveahand
i
nmychangeofmi nd.Shewal ksuptomeandI
covermyfacewi
ththeduv et
.Shejumpsonthebed
andsqueal
s–ohI’m nevergoingtoheart
heendof
i
t.
Zobuhl
e

Ihav ebeenwor kingshor thour satt hef acili

ty,good
formysani t
ybutImi ssthechat swi thSi sterMar tha
ov eracupoft eawher eshet el
lsmeaboutwhat
goesoni nt hef acilit
ywhenI ’
ml ookingt heot herway .
Idon’tevergett oseemuchsohear ingt hest ories
from herkeepsmeupt odate,wel lnotany mor e
sinceIhav et omakei ttot hefi
eldat12pm.
Simbongakepthi spr omiseandhei sst i
llpayingme
fortheamountofmoneyIam l osingwhi l
eIam i n
thef i
eldinsteadofwor king.Ev enstay ingher e,made
abi gdiff
erence–i ti
squi etanddon’ tgetmest ar
ted
aboutt hecomf ort.AtleastnowIdon’ thav etowor r
y
aboutt hewat ercomi nginwheni trains.

AsIapproachmyr oom, Iseethatthedoori ssli

ghtl
y
openbutIrememberqui tewellthatIlockeditwhen
Il
eftt
hismor ni
ng.Ipusheditopenand–Ihav e
beenrobbed!Thebedisamess, thesmal lwardrobe
Ihadmycl ot
hesinishalfempt y,al
lthethingsthat
areleftarescat t
eredallovert
hepl aceandt heywent
asf arasst eali
ngmyket tl
eandchar ger!Myheadi s
spinningrightnow, howcouldt hi
shav epossibly
happened?Idon’ tknowwhatt oldt omet ogoand
checkt heot herroom wherewest orethetraining
equipmentandwhenIgett here,itisempt y
, they
tookev erysinglethi
ng.Jesu,howam goi ngt o
explainthistoSi mbonga?

Iranout si
de,stil
lwithmyheadbuzzi ngwi t
h
questionsthatIdon’ thaveanswer sfor.Idon’ tget
mucht i
met orecov erbecauseSi mbongapar kshis
carjustatthatmomentwhi leI’
m st i
l
l fi
gur i
ngout
howt hebur gl
ar sgotin.Ihavemyhandsov ermy
head,Ihadwor kedsohar dt ogetwher eIam r i
ght
nowandi nasi ngl
edayev eryt
hingwast akenf r
om
me.HowcanGodal l
owsomet hingliket histo
happen?Ij ustbecamesober -ber,theshockf lushed
outthel i
ttl
eamountofal cohol Ihadi nmysy stem.
Simbongawal ksupt ome, hecanseemyf aceso
i
mmedi atel
yheget sani deat hatsomet hingis
wrong.
“Whathappened?Whyar
eyouli
ket
his?”hepani
cs.I
havetear
sflowi
ngonmycheeksal
readyandIcan’
t
contr
olmysobs.

“
Theycamei
nandt
ookev
ery
thi
ng.
”

“Whatdoyoumean?
”heeyesroam overt
otheopen
doorbehi
ndmeandherushesovert
here.

Ifol
lowhi m andhei ssearching,Idon’ tknowwhat
heislookingf orbutt her
ei stoomuchdamagedone
here–t heyt ookev eryt
hing.Hegoest other oom
whichissupposedt ohav ethetrainingequi pment
andhisf acef al
lsatt hesightofanempt yroom.Hi s
hardwor khasgonedownt hedr ain.Hewal ksupt o
meandIf ollowhi m outoft heroom.Hel ooksatt he
doorandIseesomet hi
ngt hatIdidn’tnoticewhenI
camei n–t hereisnof orcedentry .Thedoori ssti
lli
n
thecondi t
ionIleftitas,besidest hef actthatitwas
openwhenIgotback.
“Wherear
eyourkey
s?”hel
ooksatmeandIpatmy
pocket
s.

Hedoesn’ twaitformet of
indt hekey sfi
rst,he
walksawayandl eavesmest andingt her
e.Isearch
forthekeysinal lmypocketsandi nt hebagIhad
withmebutnot hi
ng.Imusthav epl acedit
somewher e,Isearchedall
ov erandt hen
remember ed–Mal i
ndisai
dshewant edapl aceto
sleepbecauseshewaswor kingni ghtshiftand
couldn’
tgohomesi nceshewoul dn'tgetanysl eepif
shewentt here.Iwentoutoft heroom agai nand
bumpedi ntoSimbongaandbab’ My eni,t
hesecur i
ty
guard.

“
Myenit
ell
herwhaty
out ol
dme,
”Si
mbongasi
gnal
s
t
heol
dmant ost
artt
alki
ng.

“
Earl
i
ertodayayoungwomancameher e,theone
y
ouhavebeenspendingalotoft
imewith,
”hesay s
t
hatl
ookingatme.“Idi
dn’
taskanyquesti
onssinceI
knowt hatyout
woarefri
endssoIl
etherbe.Twenty
minut
esl at
erIsawherdri
vi
ngoutandshedidn’
tsay
anyt
hing.”

“Iam goi
ngt
oasky
ouagai
nZobuhl
e,wher
ear
eyour
keys?”
Il
ookedathi m,hecan’tbeser
iousl
yimplyi
ngthat
Malindist
olethoset
hings.“
Igavehermykey s
becausesheneededapl acetocrashforafew
hours!”

“Thereyouhaveit!Shest
olefr
om you,
from meand
therestoftheteam.Howcouldyoubesost upi
d
Zobuhle,t
rusti
ngsomeoney oudon’
tevenknow?!”

“
Iknowher
!”

“
Whatisherlastname,huh?Doy ouevenknow
whereshest
ay s?Whoherfamilyis?Orbet
tery
et,
do
youknowwher eshei
srightnow?”helooksatme
veryconvi
ncedthatMal
indii
st heonewhost
ole
fr
om me, evenbab’
Myeniiseyeingmewit
h
suspici
on.

Itakemyphoneoutanddi al
ledhernumber , Iknow
shewoul dn'
tdosomet hi
nglikethis,
therehast obe
anotherexpl
anation.I
tdoesn’tevenring,i
ttakesme
strai
ghttovoicemail
.Itr
yagainandst i
l
l!

“
Anyluck?
”heaskssarcast
ical
l
y.Iknowhei shappy
r
ightnowandsur
eisyearni
ngtotellmethathetold
meso.Ishookmyheadandhesi ghed.

I
tisreall
ysi
nkingi
nnow,itcanonl
ybeherwhost ol
e
thosethi
ngs,
sheistheonewhohadt hekeyst
o
openthedoor–butwhywoul dshedoingsomethi
ng
l
ikethi
s?Tome?
Ut
hando:
Sixt
een

Si
mbonga

Wehav ebeengl uedt othishar dwoodenbenchf or

almost2hour snow, iti
si nt heaf ternoonsot hereis
al otofpeopl ewhoar ecui ngt oopent heirown
cases–Idi dn’tknowwehadt owakeupear lyto
comet oapol icest ati
onl i
kewhenwehav etogot o
theHomeAf fairs.Theser vicei sjustasbadt hough,
whi chshowst hatal l
gov ernmentempl oyeesonl y
qual i
fyiftheywor kandmov elikesnai l
s.Itis
frustrati
ng.Zobuhl eissilent l
ycr yingrightnexttome,
Ifeel sorr
yf orherbutIam angr yatheraswel l–
thatwasj ustpl ainstupidofher .Idon’ tevenwantt o
geti ntothatr i
ghtnow, Iwi l
l toucht hattopicwhen
wegeti nf r
ontoft heof f
icerwhowi llbetakingour
statement s.

Thi
spl
acebri
ngsbackamemoryt hatIhadstashed
att
hebackofmymind,Iwasar
restedforassault–
wewer eataf r
iendofaf ri
end’shousepar tyandy ou
knowwhenal cohol goestoy ourheadnot hi
ngev er
goeswel l
.Itwasagr eatpartythatendedupbei nga
mess, t
henei ghbourscalledthepol i
cecompl ai
ni ng
aboutthenoi se,thehousewasi nacompl exwhi ch
hadrules,t
ermsandcondi t
ions,andhav i
ngapar ty
l
ikethatinthatpl acewasav i
olati
onofthoser ules.
Onethingledt oanot herandwewer earrested,Ihad
tocallSi
sandat obailmeout–Kwandowas2y ears
oldatthattimei fIam notmi staken.Thewayshe
wasf uming.

Shecamet henextmor ni
ngwi ththebai lmoneyand
Inevergotawor df r
om hert hatday .Shegav eme
sil
enttreatmentallt
hewayhome, youknowwhen
someonegi v
esyousi l
entt r
eatmentt haty ouhav e
messedupbi gti
meandwi t
hSi sandai twaswor se
becauseshewasunpr edi
ctable.YouknowwhoI
foundwai ti
ngformewhenIgothome?Myf ather
wast here.GodIwant edtodi erightthereandt hen–
Iwasst il
lhungoverandt hatonlymadet hingswor se.
Hepul l
edbyearandt oldmet ost opf ool
ingar ound,
eventothi
sdayIdon’
tknowhowandwhenhegotto
Johannesbur
gatsuchshor
tnot
icebutt
hatwasan
eye-
opener.

Thatwast helastt i
meImessedup, Ididn’teven
dream ofmessi ngwi thSisandaandt hiscoupl e
walkingupt ousr emi ndmeofmeandher .Wellin
theircase,thewomanwasar rest
edandt heguy
camet obailherout .Theyar ehav i
ngaheat ed
argumentast heyar ewal kingdownt hehal landthey
haveal lourattention.Thewomanwasar restedfor
beat i
ngupherf ri
endov eraweav e,thef ri
end
borrowedi tandl osti tatsomepar ty–ahshel ostit
andbeatupherass.I tisr eall
yfunnyj ustthinki
ng
abouti t
,sheisst il
l arguingt hatherfrienddeser ved
i
tandshei snotgoi ngt oleti tgo,“
ngal ala
ngingadlil
ewhenIboughtt hatweave” ,thoseareher
exactwor ds.

Iti
sli
ketheyar
eusedt
obeingthecent
reof
att
enti
onthewayt
heyaret
alki
ngnotworr
yingabout
whoi swat chi ngorl istening–communi cat i
onis
goodbutt oanext entbecauseIwoul dn'tsur vi
vethi
s.
Justast heydi sappearout si
det hepolicest ati
on,we
arecalledtoanempt ydeskofanof fi
cerwhosef ace
i
st el
li
ngmet hatshehasnoi nterestofbei nghere.I
don’treal
lyknowwhi chi sbetter,si
tti
ngher eonthe
deskorbei ngoutt her echasi ngaf t
ercr i
mi nal
sbut
becauseIv al uemyl ifesomuch–I ’
dchooset he
deskatany ti
meoft heday .Wet ell
herwhatwe
knowbuti ti snotr eal lyusefulbecausewedon’ t
evenhav et hisMal indi person'sfullnamebutt he
selfi
eZobuhl et ookwi t
hhermadeadi fference.

Iam sur ewher evershei s,shehassol dal lt

hose
stuffforcash, Ineverlikedherort rust
edherandshe
hasj ustprov edmer ightthatshei snotaper sonto
bet r
usted.Itmakesmewonderi fZobuhl ewasa
targetinthef irstplaceorshej ustcameupwi t
hthis
planont hel astmi nut ebutwhat everitis,whatshe
didwascr uel andIwantherar rested.Ev enifIdon’
t
getal lt
hatst uffback–Iwantj ust i
ce, i
fshecandoi t
toZobuhl ethatmeansshecandoi ttosomeone
else,wel
lthat’
sifshehadn’tdoneitinthepast
.After
givi
ngourst at
ements,west eppedoutsidet
he
stati
onandi ti
sgetti
ngdark.Wedi dn’tdoanyt
hing
today,nopracti
ce,becausewehadt obeher e.

“Wher
ear
eyougoing?
”IaskZobuhl
easshet
rai
l
s
awaywhi
l
eIam headi
ngtomycar.

“I
’m goingtotheranktotakeat axit
omypl ace.
”Her
voi
cei shoarse,nowIdon’tknowi fi
t’
sbecauseshe
hasbeencr yi
ngoritisbecauseoft heamountof
vodkashehasbeendr i
nkingforthepastfewweeks.

“Come,youwil
lspendtheni
ghtatmyplace–that
placei
snotsaf
er i
ghtnow.Shehasyourkey
sand
wedon’tknowwhatelsesheispl
anni
ngtodo.”

Il
ookatherandsheisthinki
ngabouti
t.Iam not
backingdown,
it’
sei
thershecomeswithmeorIget
herlockedupi
noneoft hecel
lsi
nsi
dethepolice
stati
on,shewi ll
bemuchsaf erther
ethani nt hat
room.Shewal ksupt omeandIopent hepassenger
doorforher,sheget sinandIwal kovert omysi de.I
t
i
smuchbet ternowbecauseshehasst oppedcr yi
ng,
wear enotargui ngaboutanythi
ngsot her idehome
i
ssi l
ent
.Fort hef i
rstti
mesinceIcameher e, Ihavea
guestandLor dj usthadtomakei tbehert hef ir
st
personIhaveov ermyhouse.Ipar kont hedr iv
eway
andshef ol
lowsmei nsi
dethehouse.Itiscl ean
becauseIdon’ tspendmucht i
mear oundt hehouse
anyway .

“Youcangoupstair
sandfreshenupwhi
l
eIfi
xus
somethingt
oeat.”Isayaf
terthr
owi
ngmykeyson
theki
tchencount
er.

Shedoesn’
tsayany
thi
ngsoIt
urnt
olookather
.

“Wi
lly
oushowmethewayaroundthi
splace?
”she
say
s.Shel
ookst
ensebutwhowouldn'
taft
ertheday
wehadandmaybeawarm showerwil
lhel
pherrel
ax
abi
t.

Weheadupst air
sandIshowhert heguestbedr oom,
thenImov edov ertomyr oom togethersomet hing
thatwi llf
ither–at -
shirtandj oggershor t
s–whenI
gett ot heguestbedr oom shei snotonsi ghtsoIput
thet hingsont opoft hebedandheadout .Iam nota
goodcook, Iam abadcookIwon’ tlietomy selforto
you, Ionlyknowt hebasi csandt hatisbecauseof
thet i
meIspentwi t
hMmeRadebei nthekitchen.As
ast ayathomedad, Ihadt olearnnewski ll
sand
cooki ngwasoneoft hem andi thelpedbecauseno
onecansur vi
v eont akeaway sforl ong.Ther ei
s
l
eftov erfoodi nt hefridge, Iam st i
llf
aili
ngtomanage
tocookf ormy self–t heonecupofr i
cejustendsup
beingt oomuchandhal facupi snotenoughsoI
enduphav ingal otoff oodst oredi nt hefri
dge.Iam
thankf ulnowbecausei thassav edmef r
om cooki ng
today .

“
Thatwasf
ast
,”shesay
swal
ki
ngupt
othecount
er
wear
ingt
het
hingsIpi
ckedoutf
orher
.

“
WhatcanIsay ,Iam goodinthekit
chenj
ustasIam
i
nthefi
eld,”webothlaugh.“
Iam joki
ng–it
’s
l
eft
over
st hatIwarmedup.”

ShesitsonthechairandIpushherpl ateacr ossthe

counter
.Shethanksmeandst artsdiggingin.Shei s
notcomplaini
ngsot hatcountsforsomet hi
ng, i
t
maybesi mplebutitisedibl
e.Shef i
nishesj usta
minuteaft
ermeandIt aketheplatest othesi nk–I
wil
lwashthem inthemor ning.Igiveheragl assof
waterandshelooksupt omel i
keI’vejustinsulted
her.

“
Notevenj
uiceSimbongaoracool
dri
nk,
”shei
sst
il
l
l
ooki
ngatmei ndi
sbel
ief
.

“
Theamountyouhavehadofthatcanl
astyoua
l
i
fet
ime–waterisl
if
e.”Iwal
kpastherandshe
r
emai
nsseat
edont
hatchai
r.

Itaket her emot eandswi tchont hetvwhi l

eImade
my selfcomf ortableont hecouch.Shei sstil
lint he
kit
chenpr obabl yt hinkingt hatthelongershest ar es
atthewat ert heni t’
dchangei nt
owi ne,it
’snotfunny
butJesur eal l
yamazesmeandIam goi ngtostop
ri
ghtt herebecauseIdon’ twantt oattr
act
unnecessar yat tentiont omy sel
f.Idon’tknowwhenI
fellasleepbutwhenIf l
ippedmyey esopen, t
he
room isdar kbutl ikelyt hemooni soutsot herei sa
gli
mpseofl ight.Ir aisedmyheadandshei s
standingov erme.Thet vhadbeenswi tchedof f.She
walkst osi tnextt ome, Iwonderwhatt imeitisand
howl ongIhav ebeensl eeping–Iam suchabad
host .

“I
tisj
ustaft
ermidni
ght,”shesayslikeshejustread
mymi nd.“
Icoul
dn'
tsleep,”hervoi
ceisquietli
ket he
ni
ghtbutIcoul
dsenset hateventhoughshecoul dn'
t
sl
eep,shewasti
red,i
tmi ghtbethatsheisstressing
aboutwhathappened.

Ifi
xedt hecushi onsont hecouchandl ai
dmyhead
ont opoft hem.Ipul l
edhert olayinnexttomeand
shedidwi thoutanyhesi tati
on.Thecouchwasbi g
enoughf orthet woofus, j
ustthatshewast ooclose
andapar tofmewi shedwehadmeti nadiff
erent
l
ifewher eshewasn' twhoshei sbutthenagainI
can’tbesur ethatshe’dbet hesameper sonIfellf
or.
Afteraf ewmi nutessheshi ftstowardsme, mychi n
i
sont het opofherheadandherbodyi sagainst
mine.Iwr appedmyar msar oundherbecauset hatis
somet hingIt hinkshewant s–t hati
scomf ort.

“
Sims,
”thati
sthefir
stt
imeI’m hear
ingt
hatname.
“
Doyouhateme? ”shecont
inues.

Idon’
tknowwhatmadehert hi
nkI’
dhateher,
yesI
am angr
ybutno,Idon’
that
eher.Idon’
tthi
nkI’
dev
er
wil
l,
notint
hisl
if
et i
me.
“NoIdon’ that eyou.”Myar mst i
ghtenedaroundher .
Thisf eelsr i
ght,hav i
nghersocl osetomebr ing
war mt hinsidemyhear t.“DoyouknowwhoIhat e?”
sher aisesherheadt olookupt omewi thherlazy
eyes.“ Ihat etheper sonwhobr oughtthi
samountof
painint oy ourlif
e.”Shebl i
nksrapidl
yprobablytryi
ng
togetr idoft hesl eepinherey esbutshedoesn’t
succeed, Icant el
l t
hatshei sgoingtodoseof fto
sleepanymomentf rom now.

“Ihatehimt oo,”shesay sandswal l

ows.The
moonl i
ghtl i
tupherf aci
al featureslikeaglossy
surface,sheclosedherey esandt ookadeepbr eat
h.
Themaski snol ongerther ebutt hereissomething
thatisstil
lholdingherback, ittell
smeshei snotone
thatli
kesf eeli
ngv ul
nerableandi thasbeenal ong
ti
mesi nceshehasbeenl ikethatsoi ti
sgoingto
takejustasl ongforhert ogetr idoft hefear
.

Shesti
rsi
nmyar msandmumbl
essomet
hing,I
don’
tknowifshei
stal
ki
ngt
omeorsheistal
ki
ngin
hersleep.Myf i
nger sr
ubgent l
yagainstherscal p,
sheneedst ocutherhai ragai nithasgrownl ong,
shelooksgoodi nhershor thair
cutandi tmakesher
faceli
ghtup.Ilookdownt oherandshei ssleeping
peacef ul
l
ywithhersof t
,war m andst eadybr eaths
againstmyneck.Theysayl oveisabeaut if
ul t
hing
butinmycasei tisequi
v alenttotort
ure,ithurtsto
l
ov eherwhenshei ssocl osebuty etsof arandi ti
s
toobadIcan' tgetridofitbecauset hefeelingsI
havef orherarelikeaper manentscari nmyhear t.
Ut
hando:
Sev
ent
een

I
nganat
hi

Wewokeupr eall
year l
ybecausewehav epr acti
ce
today.Wehav ehadsev enmat chessof arandwe
wonsi xofthose.Wear est il
l i
nDur banwi thone
mor ematcht ogot henwear el eavingt her eafter.
Noziphoissitti
ngv erycl oset omewi t
hherar m
l
inkedwi t
hmi neandherheadonmyshoul der .I
havemyheadont hewi ndow, looki ngout si deast he
carmov edforwar d.Wear eusi ngt hemi ni bust hat
Nomaguguboughtf ort hecl ub, itmakest hingsal ot
easierwhenwehav etot rav elfrom t hehot el t
ot he
venuewher ethemat chest akepl aceandshehi reda
dri
vertodoal lthedr i
ving, sheal way susesherown
carandr i
ghtnowshei sdr ivingi nf rontoft hebust o
showt hedriv
erwher ewear egoi ngexact ly .

Thedriv
eisreall
yshortbutIam gl
adt
hatwehav e
arr
ivedbecausethenoisefr
om t
hegir
lsshout
ing
andscr eami ngwasbecomi ngunbear able.WhenI
stepoutoft hebus, Ireal
isewher ewear e–wear e
attheMosesMabhi daSt adium.Iam sur prised,t
he
girl
sar emor eexci tedt hanev er.Idon’ tknowhow
Nomagugumanagedt opul lthi
sof fbutshedi d.We
evenhav esomeonewhodi r
ectsusi nsi de,itisa
youngwhi t
el adyandshesmi li
ngt oowi de, sheis
maki ngmener vous.Wef oll
owbehi ndherandwe
wal karoundt hest adium t otheent rance, passinga
fewr estaurantswhi chwer est i
llcl
osedsi nceit’
sstil
l
earlyinthemor ning.Theyev enhav eaVi rginActive
gym her e,wecanseet hepeopl ewor kingout
throught hef ul
llengt hwi ndow.

Ihav eneverbeensocl oset oabig,well

-known
stadium –thisoneishugeandi ntimi
dating,Idon’
t
knowhowt hemanypl ay erswhohav eplayedher e
managedt ogetoverthener vesbecauseI ’
dbe
shakinginfearbeforeIev enseet heopponent .We
got hroughthesecuri
ty,theyscanourbags, t
hey
scanusaswel landthenweent erthestadium.
Nomagugui swalki
ngwi thwhi t
elady,hav i
ngal i
ght
chatandtheyar elaughingher eandthere.Ihave
Nozipho’
shandi nmi ne,
whathappenedt heother
ni
ghtreall
ybr oughtuscl oserandshehasbecome
mysaf eplacearoundher e.Whenthefieldcomes
i
ntov i
ew,myhear taccelerat
esevenfaster–t he
grassissogr een,cleanandt hewholethingactual
ly
l
ookswi derthanwheny ouseei tontv.

Theladyt urnstousandt el
lsusaboutt hehi storyof
thestadium –when, howandwhyi twasbui lti
nt he
fi
rstplace.Weal lknowi twasf ort he2010FI FA
Wor l
dCupbutIguessi t’
spar tofthet ouri
sm gui de
thatshei sfoll
owing.Nomaguguhasapr oudsmi l
e
onherf ace,shei sreallyhappyaboutt hisandIwi sh
Icouldshar ethesamesent iment.Ther ear eal otof
happyf acesaswel linthecr owd, Noziphoi sjustas
excit
ed, Idon’tknowwhyIcan’ tgetmy selftobe
happy–t here’
sjustapar tofmet hatfeelsr eal
ly
down, li
keIam si nkinginandoutofdi ffer
entwor l
ds
ofhappi nessandsadness, sorrow.
“
Haa-woo!
”shescr
eamsandherv
oiceechoes
wi
thi
ntheemptyst
adi
um.

Itf
eelsl i
keadr eam, arewet rainingheretoday?My
questionisn’tl
ef tunanswer edf orlongbecauset he
whiteladyshowsust hewayt ot hechangingr ooms.
Nomagugushout sbehindust hatwehav e5mi nut
es
togeti nt
othef ield.Wer ushedi nandstarted
changing.Wehav ebeeni nthisposi ti
onmanyt i
mes
beforesowear ecomf ortablebei ngnakedar ound
eachot her,notst ar
k-nakedi nt hiscasebutyouget
whatImean.

“Doy ouhav
eapairofextrasocks? ”sheasks,I
barelyt
alkt
otheotherteammat esbutIknowal lof
them bynamethoughInev eraddressthem li
kethat
unlessweareint
hef i
eld–t her
eIdon’ thav
emuch
ofachoice.

“
Uhy eahIt
hinkIdo,
”Icheckinmybackpackand
j
ustasIassumed,Ipackedtwopai
rsofsocks.She
t
hanksmeasIhandt
heext
rapai
rov
ert
oher
.

Mymot hertaughtmet hei mpor tanceofshar ing

sincef r
om ay oungage, Igr owuphav i
ngadoubl eof
ever ythingevenwhenIpl ayedhouseorout si
de
ther ewasadoubl eofme.Ishar edev erythi
ngwi th
her ,evenourunder wearswer et hesame–same
col our,samesi ze–sowehadahar dtimet earing
them apar tt
il
lwej ustwor ewhi chev eronewesaw
fi
rstwi t
houtbot heri
ngchecki ngf i
rst
.Itwasl i
ket hat
unt ilonemor ning,wher eIwokeupandt heot her
sideoft heroom wasempt y–herbedhadal way s
beent herebutnotont hatpar t
icularmor ning.Ev en
MrFuzzyWuzzy ,thestuff edteddybearweshar ed,
wasnotonsi ght.Sitti
ngi nbet weenbot hmypar ents,
mymot hertoldmet hatmyday sofshar i
ngwer e
ov er,Ilookedov ertomyf atherandhenoddedi n
agr eement .

Inev
erknewshewasahugepartofmeunt
ilIcoul
d
begloomyi
nasunnydaywi
thoutknowi
ngwhat
wentwr ongorwher eithur t
.Shar i
ngendedov ernight
butthehabi tofhav i
ngt wiceofev erythi
ngwi ll
take
meal i
fetimet oout growi t
.Pr act i
cei sreal l
ygr eat,i
t
musthav et odowi t
ht hefactt hatwear ei nanew
placewhi chbyal lmeansmot i
v atesust odoour
best,I
’dwi nal lgamesi fIwer et opl ayher e–Imi ght
havejudgedt hepl acewayt ooear ly–Idon’ tev en
knowwhati sliketobener v
ousasIki ckt hebal l
i
nsidet hegoal postandi thi
t sthenet !Mymoodi s
sl
owl ybutsur elyimprov i
ngandI ’m shar ingt he
sameexci tementwi t
hmyt eammat esaswehead
overtot hechangi ngroomst ot akeaqui ckshower
beforewego.

Wewal kedbacktowher ethemi nibuswasparked

andNomaguguannouncest hatwewi l
lgrab
somethingtoeatbef
or ewegobackt othehotel.
“Sheisspoi
li
ngus,”t
hegi r
lskeptonsay i
ng.
KnowingNomagugu, shecanspendmoneywhen
shewant st
oandcanbest i
ngyi fsheli
kesto.And
weallhavelear
ntalessont oenjoyhermoment sof
spendingwhil
eitl
asts.Mypar entspayplus,minus
R4500t otheAcademyev er
ymont handtheyalso
havetopayf ormyfees.Iti
snotmuchconsi dering
thefactthatIdon’
tknowpov ert
yatfir
sthand,Ionly
knowi tt
hroughhearsaysorfrom seei
ngitfr
om afar.

Thet ri
pi sreall
y ,reallyshortthi
st i
mear oundsoI
guesswear enotf arfrom thestadium andy es, we
areactual l
ybyt hebeach.Nomaguguappr oaches
thecrowdandt el l
sust ofoll
owher .Ther ear eal ot
ofpeopl ewal kingupanddown, somear ej ogging
whilesomear ewal ki
ngt hei
rdogsandot hersjust
choset ost i
ckar oundsot hey’
denj oythev i
ewoft hi
s
beautifulbeach.I ti ssor efr
eshing,IwishIcoul dr un
overther ebaref ootandl etthesandr unt hroughmy
toes–Imi sst hatf eeling.Nomagugul eadsust ot he
restaurant,withbi gwor dswr i
tt
enCal ifornia
Dreami ng,ithast hatsummerf eelwhi chi sjustas
refr
eshi ngast hev iew.

“
ImadeabookingfortheTer
race,
”shet
ell
sthe
wai
tr
esswhojustwelcomedus.
“Ihavenoideaaboutyourbooki
ngma’am butIwil
l
getthemanagertoattendtoyou.
”Shehasawi de
smi l
eonherface,
thesepeoplearer
eal
lygoodat
customerservi
ceevenNomagugudoesn’ttakeany
offence.

Thebeachisj
ustaf
ewmet r
esaway,Idon’tknow
howthey’
dmanagetosav
ethispl
aceiftherewere
tobeaTsunami.

“Nomagugu!
”thedark,
younglooki
ngmansay
s
cheer
ful
l
yashewal ksuptous.

“Mthembu.”Nomagugushar esthesame
cheerful
ness.Looksl
iketheyknoweachot herr
eal
l
y
well
, t
heyhandshakejustforthesakeoft
he
customerswhoseey esarenowonus.

Thei
rcatchi
ngupmomentdoesn’
ttakemorethan
twominutes,
thent
hemanwhoIsupposeisthe
managerl eadsusupt hest air
s.Thegr oundf l
oori s
ni
cebutt his,thi
sisheavenonear th.Ithinkthey
spentmor eti
medesigningt hisplace,theyendedup
nothav i
ngmucht imeforthegr oundf loorsot hey
j
ustputt ablesandchairs,
andst artedser v
ingt he
customer s.Here,weareov erlookingthebeach, the
people,wecanev enseemor eplacest hatarecl ose
by.Icanseet heSuncoastCasi nof rom here,Idid
myr esearchsoIknowaf ewcat chyplacest hatar e
aroundher e.

Shebookedt hewhol eTerraceforus, It ol

dy ou
mamacanspendwhenshef eelsli
kei tandshei s
suremaki ngupf ortheti
meswespentcoopedupi n
theAcademy .Rightnow,Icant aket hismomentt o
forgetthepastandj ustl
eav eint hemoment .We
takeaf ewsel f
iesandpictures,wear enotshyatal l
–i t
’sli
kewear ehomesi ncewehav et hisfloorto
ourselves.Wehav ewait
erst hatareassi gnedt ous,
tal
kaboutknowi ngpeoplewhoknowpeopl eev en
Nomagugui srelaxed,wear eorderingcockt ai
l
sand
what ev
erbev erageswel i
ke.Icansayt hatIam
havi
ngthet
imeofmyl i
fe.Thewaiterbr
ingsourfood
andwestar
tdiggi
ngint
ot hemouthwateri
ng,fi
nger
l
icki
nggoodfoodthatI
’
dhav eatanyti
meoft heday.

Withhowmuchf oodwehav econsumed, wewi ll

need2l itr
esoft hedetoxingr emedyand1t o2hours
ofwor kingout ,t
ogetridoft hecaloriesbutat least
wehav eNomagugut obl amef orthisone.We
alwayseatwel l
,healt
hyandwat chwhatweeatand
whenweeatbecausei ti
sv eryimpor tanttomai ntai
n
ahealthydi etwheny ouar easoccerpl ayer.Wedo
dri
nkbuti nt hecornersorwhennoonei swat ching
butNomaguguwi l
lal
way sknowwheny oudoy our
worstint hef i
eldandrightnowIdon’ tev enwantmy
mindt ogoasf arasthinkingwhatt hepuni shment
forthatwoul dbe.Ther eiseightofusshar i
ngone
tabl
e,ther estisshari
ngt heot hertablesand
Nomagugui swiththeassistantmanager .

“
Sohowareyouguysdoing?Arey
ouhavingfun?”
Mywhol
ebodyfl
inchesundert
hetouchofherhand.
Idi
dn’
tknowshewaschecki
nguponallofus,
yeahI
sawhergoi
ngtooneoft
hetabl
esbutIhadhoped
shewon’
tcomethi
sfar
.

“Pleaseexcuseme,”Isayasthegir
lswerest
il
l
updatingherabouthowmucht heyareenj
oyi
ngthe
food,thedri
nks–t hewholet
hing.

Ipushmychai rback, meet ingNozi pho’ seyesandI

smi l
etoassur ehert hatIam f i
ne.Iwal kpast
Nomagugu, shelooksr eal l
yfami li
arwi thever yone
whichbyeachdaypassi ngmakesmedoubtt he
chancesofhernotsl eepi ngwi thther estoft heteam.
Thewai tressgi vesmet hedi recti
onst ot het oil
ets
andIf i
ndmywayt her e.Icomet oahal tatt he
soundofl oudsobsechoi nginsidet het oi
let,I
haven'tseenwhoi scr yingsoIt ookaf ewst eps
forwardandt wogi rlscomei ntov iew.Ist aybehi nd
thewal landmademy selfinvisible–t hegi r
l cryi
ngis
sit
tingdownwhi l
et heot herisst andi ngov erherand
theyarebot hf rom myt eam.
“Youshouldspeakt oLucas,hewi l
lhel
pyououtof
thi
smess.”Theonl yLucasIknowi sour
physiot
her
apistsonowIam ev enmor ecuri
ousas
towhattheyaretalkingaboutandwhatmessdoes
Nokubonganeedt ogetoutof ,sheistheonewhois
cryi
ng–ourgoal keeperandcapt ai
n.

“Idon’
twantt
oabortLi
zzy!
”shesaysi
nfrust
rat
ion
l
ikeshehassaidt
hisacountl
essti
mesbefor
e.I
holdbackmygaspasIdon’twantt
oblowmycov er
.

“Doy ouwantt othrowy ourfutureawayl i

kethat?
Theset our
nament scoulddoal otforyourcareer
Nokubonga, don’tbestupid,”t
hef ri
endargueslike
choosi ngtokeept hebabyisthewor stideaor
decisionNokubongacoul devermake.“ Youdon’t
havet odomuch, Lucascandoi tforyouatjusta
l
itt
lepr ice.
”Lizzyisreall
yconv i
ncingthatshehas
seekedhel pf rom Lucasinthepast ,i
tcouldmean
shewaspr egnantaswel landLucasgotheroutof
t
he‘
mess’
li
keshewant
shi
mtodowi
thNokubonga.

“I
twon’tchangeanythi
ng,Nomagugual r
eadyknows
aboutit.
”Hersobsgetlouderasthatst
atement
l
eav eshermouth.Iwouldn'
thaveknownshewas
pregnantbecauseshedoesn'tl
ookpregnant
.

“Howwoul dsheknowwheny ouarenoteven

showing?
”Lizzyenquir
esclearl
yconfused,Ial
so
wanttoknowbecauseIhav en'tev
enseen
Nokubongarunninginandoutofthebat hr
oom
becauseofthemor ni
ngsickness.

Nokubongal i
ft
supherheadandherey eslockwi th
mine,IwalkforwardasIf eelcompel l
edt o–Ihav e
beencaughteav esdropping.Ir
ushi ntothetoilet
beforetheycouldaskhowl ongIhav ebeenst anding
thereandwhatexact lydidIhear .Iam stil
lshocked.I
wipeafterpeei
ngt henflushedt het oi
let
,whenIst ep
outtheyarenotonsi ght.Idon’tdwel lonit,Iwash
myhandsandwentbackt otheTer race.Icannev er
getenoughoft
hispl
aceandIam def
ini
tel
ygoingto
comebackhereonceIhavef
ini
shedmyexams.We
l
eftaft
erafewminut
esanddrovebacktothehotel
.

“
Ingi
ecanItal
ktoy
ouf
oraf
ewmi
nut
es?
”that
’s
Nomagugu.

Noziphogi v
esmyhandat ightsqueezebef
oreI
walkedov ertoher.Sheushersmei nsi
deherroom
andtell
smet ogot othebalcony.Shehast
hebest
vi
ew, wellsheistheorgani
sersoshedeservesthe
best,It
hink.Shesitsnexttome, Iam l
ooki
ngahead
butsheissi t
ti
ngfacingme.

“Iwil
lgetstraighttothepoint.Ihavebeenwat chi
ng
you,verycl
osel y,i
nthef i
eldandout si
dethefi
eld.
Youar egoodI ngie,youarethebestandy oujust
pri
orit
isedfoot bal
loveryourstudies,Imeanyou
shouldbeatschool writ
ingyourfinalexamsorat
yourdeskst udy i
ngforthenextbuti nst
eadyouare
here.Thatshowsy ourtruedeterminati
ontoplay
bal
l
.”

Herhandgoest
otouchmyhair
.Ihadtoleti
tloose
soit
’ddr
yupaft
ersweat
ingt
hroughtr
aini
ng.

“Nokubongai spr egnant

,”shesaysl
iket
hewords
l
ef tabit
tertasteinhermout h.Shemustbe
disappoint
ed, Iam toobecausesheisagood
goalkeeperbutt here’
snothingwecandoabouti
t.

“Iknow,
”Isayquiet
ly.Ihaven'
tsetmyey esonher
sincewehavebeenher eandI’m notev
eny ear
ning
tobutIcanfeel
hernoddi ng.

“Shecan’
tkeeponplayi
ngforthetour
nament
sandI
can’
tkeepherasthecaptai
n.Sothatmeanst
he
captai
nspotisopen.
”

Idon’
tknowwher
eshei
sgoi
ngwi
tht
hisandher
f
inger
sar
enowr
ubbi
ngagai
nstmyscal
p.

“Theposi
ti
oncanbey ours,
”shesay sandIshootmy
headtoher.“
Itcanbey ours,youandIknowt hatyou
arethemostdeservingperson,”Ibli
nktwi
ceandI
sti
ll
seethatsmileonherf ace.“Justsayt
hewor d
andIwil
lmakei thappen.
..”
Ut
hando:
Eight
een

Zobuhl
e

IwokeupandSi mbongawasnowher etobef ound.

Hedi dn’tev enl eaveanot ebutwhoam It okeep
tabsonhi ml ikeheowesmesomet hingwhenIam
theonewhooweshi m.Hedi dn’
thav et otakemei n
buther eIam i nhisbal conywi thacupofst eami ng
hotr ooibost eai nmyhands.Idon’ twantt odr ink
coffeebecauseoft hecaffeine,Ihav ehadal otof
thatandl ikeSi mbongahadment ionedy esterday ,i
t
couldl astmemywhol eli
fe.Thev iewf rom t he
balconyov erlookst hehousesnear by,adeepf orest
j
ustbef or
et heskybl ueocean.Ev enf rom this
distance,Icoul dn’tmi ssitsbeaut y.Itakeasi paf ter
blowi ngof fthest eam, thecupi stoohotf ormybar e
handssoIhel di tthrewaf leecethati srest i
ngonmy
l
owerbody .Theweat heri
sgl oomyt odayandi t
mat chesmywhol emood.
Iam start
ledabitbyt
hesl
i
dingdooropeni
ngandI
qui
cklylookedback.

“
Iwasl
ooki
ngf
ory
oui
nev
erypar
toft
hehouse.
”

Hei swear inghi sgym wear ,heisst il

lcoveredin
sweatsoIguesshej ustcamebackf rom his
mor ni ngjog–hi sbodyshowst hathet akescareof
i
t.Thoughy ou’ddoubtt hatwhenwear einthefield,
hehashi sday swher ehe’ djoi
nuswhenwear e
trai
ni ngandt herearesomeday swhi chI’dcall
‘his
l
azyday s’wher ehej uststandsont hesi deandcal l
alltheshot s.You’dswearhehadgr ownol dwith
fragilej oi
ntsandi ssufferi
ngfrom somebone
diseaset hatpr eventshimf rom beingact i
ve
becausehel et
susdoev ery
thi
ng.Thebal lmaybeon
hisf eetandi nsteadofki cki
ngitbacki ntothefield,
he’dst eptot hesidet omakespacef oroneofust o
retri
ev ei t
.
“Iwil
ltakeaqui
ckshowert
henwecangohave
breakf
astatoneofther
est
aur
ant
scloseby
,whatdo
y
ousay
?”

Iam noti
namoodt
ogooutsoIr
espondwi
tha
pout
.

“Okay,Iwi
l
lmakebr
eakf
astandt
heny
ouwi
l
ldot
he
dishes.
”

“Deal
.
”Igivehi
m asingl
enod,
turni
ngbacktothe
viewt
hatisinf
rontofmeandthentookanot
hersip
ofmyt ea.

Iknowt hi
spl aceiscloset otheGl enLandsMent al
Healt
hFaci li
tybecauset heliningoft heforesti
sj ust
thesame, toosimilar,i
tsli
keIam l ookingatit
thr
ought hefulll
engt hwindowatt hef aci
li
ty.Afew
housesf r
om wher eIam, afami lyofthreecomesout
tothedrivewaywi t
hsur fboardst uckedundert heir
armpits,t
hey ounggi rl
inabr ightpinkspeedo
squir
msf rom onesi detot heot her,j
umpi ngupand
downatt heexcitementfortheplanstheyhav efor
theday.I’
dnev erunderstandhowwhi tepeopl e
neverfeelcol
d, i
tiscoldtodaybuttheirplansinclude
divi
ngintothecoldwat eroftheseajustf orfun,I’
d
neverdothatev eniftheypaidto.Thefatherhas
placedthesurfboardsinthebackoft heirtr
uck, he
takestheli
ttl
egirlandputherov ertohisshoul ders.

Iam notcloseenough,soIcanonl
yimagi
nethe
widesmileonthelit
tlegi
rl
'
sface–itremi
ndsmeof
whatIhadandwast akenawayfr
om me.

“Shecoul
d’v
elef
tbutshechosetost
ay,
”Isayout
l
oudbecauseIknowt hathei
sbackf
rom t
aki
nghis
showerandheislooki
ngdownatme.

“
Who?
”heasksst
il
lst
andi
ngbehi
ndme.

“
Mymot
her
.”
Ihearhi sfoot stepscomi ngt owar dsme, t
henhe
appear edt allandaskedmet oshi ftsoIcanmake
spacef orhi m ont hesmal lcouch.Whenhesi ts
down, hedoesn’ tl
etmeshi ftanyf ur t
her ,myheadi s
onhi sshoul derandhi sar mi swr appedar oundmy
shoulder s, holdingmecl oset ohi sbody .Itfeelssafe
tobet hiscl oset ohi m,likehei saguar dianangel
thatIr efuset oacknowl edgeandagoodf ri
end,
brothert hati swi l
l
ingt obebymysi debutIam
refusingt ol ethi mi n.Ihav el i
vedcl osedupf ortoo
l
ongandt alki
ngaboutmyf eeli
ngsf eelsf oreignto
me.Inol ongerknowhowt odoi t,wheni st heright
ti
met odoi t–t houghIam abombwai ti
ngt o
explode.Theemot ionsinsidear esuddenl yt oo
heav yf ormet ocar ry,
ther eist hi
sbur denIhav e
carri
edf oral ongt imeandt hemor eIt hinkabout ,
themor eIseet hati ti
snotmybur dent ocar ry.

“Shelovedthebeach–heav enonear t
h–sheused
tocalli
tbecauseithasnobegi nni
ngandnoending,
i
trepresent
sthelifeofourLord,JesusChr
ist,
she’
d
preach,
”achuckleescapesfrom myl i
psbefor
eI
coul
dcont
aini
t.“
Ont
hispar
ti
cul
arday
..
.”

Iwas6or7y earsoldatt hattime,Iownedadozen

ofrai nbowcol ouredspeedosandswi mmi ngsuits,
mymot herboughtasmanyasshecoul dev er yt
ime
shewentoutshoppi ng.Atthatage, ev er
ydaywasa
holidayt ome, Iwasst i
lli
nsmal lschool buti twas
nevert ooser i
ous.Mymot herdressedmei nabr i
ght
pinkBar biespeedo, almostt hesameast heonet hat
l
ittl
egi rlwaswear i
ng.Wemetwi thmyf ather
outside, t
hemoodwasj oll
y–Iwast hepr incessin
myf ather ’
scast l
e–Icar r
iedmor ethanj ustaname,
Ifeltliker oyalt
yandIwast reat
edassuch.My
parent s’ onlytreasure,Ihadnooneel setoshar e
with, Iwast heonl yonebutIhadnev erfeltt hething
theycal llonel
iness.

Myf at
herpickedmeupandt i
ckledme,enquir
ing
whyIhadt obet hi
sbeautif
ulandembarrasstherest
oftheli
vi
nggi r
lsinall
partsoftheworl
d.Achildis
themostbeaut i
fuli
nfrontofthei
rpar
ents,Idi
dn’
t
under standt hatt henbutIdonow.Mymot her
disappear edi nsi det hehouse,say i
ngshethought
shef orgotsomet hingandjustthenmyf atherhel ped
mesi tont hebackseatandbuckl edmyseat belt.I
couldn'tsitst i
ll becauseoft heexci t
ement,heki ssed
meal l overmyf acecausi ngmet ogiggl
ebef orehe
reachedi ntohi spocketandr etr
ievedapieceof
sweet .Hehandedi ttomeandpl acedhisindex
fi
ngeracr osshi slips,si
gnall
ingmenott otel
l –my
mot hernev erlikedi twhenIat esweet s,
Ibecame
toohy peract i
v e, she’dalwayscompl ain.

Istashedt hesweeti nmymout hbeforemom

appear edagain.Bot hofthem gotinandmyf ather
droveoutoft hey ard.Mymot herstartedsniffi
ng,the
sweetwast ooniceIhadf or
got t
ent hatitwasa
secret,Ihadli
ttl
edr opsofsal iv
aoneachcor nerof
mymout h–“ Cany ousmel l
that?”sheaskedmy
fatherandher epliedsayi
nghedoesn’ tsmell
any t
hing.Icouldsmel lt
hest rawberryf l
avoured
sweetbecauseIwast heoneeat i
ng, mymot her’s
sharpnosesol dusoutandbef oreIknewi t
,shehad
myf aceonherstel
li
ngmeopenmymout handblow
outtohernose.Ashermi ndregist
eredwhat
happened,sheshotadeadlystaretomyfatherwho
sway edontheroadnearl
ydri
v i
ngintoatr
uckthat
wascomi ngintheopposi
tedirect.

“Ican’
tbel
i
eveyout woconspir
edbehindmyback,
I
hopeuzoyi
melalenkingaosuyi
qal
il
e,
”sheglar
ed
backtomeandt urnedtolookatmyfather
.

Asgui l
tyasIwas, Ihadnof earinme–myf at
her
wast here,myshi eld,
heroandpr otector,wi
thhim
aroundnoonewoul dgett omeev enmyownmot her.
Inafewmoment swewer eatt hebeach, mymother
setupapl acef orust ositunderabi gumbrell
athat
myf atherhadsetup.Thev i
ewoft hebeachwas
mesmer i
sing,itwasnotev erydayt hatIsaw
somet hi
ngl iket hatbutthefurtherIl ooked,
themor e
Igotscar edofi t–i twasdar ker,l
ookedangr yat
somet hi
ngorsomeone.Myf athert ookmyhandand
wewal kedt ot hewat er,i
twast oocol dsoIjumped
upanddownast hewav escametoourf eet.Few
minuteslater,
mymot hertookmyotherhand, asthe
wavescamet hey’dli
ftmeupsoIdidn’tgoundert he
water–t helaughterandlovewasintheai r–my
happy,safeplaceandI '
dchoosetobet hereov erany
whereelse.

Befor eleav i
ng, mymot hertookat wol it
resbot tl
e
sayingsheneedst hewat ertospr ayal laroundt he
house, i
nsideandout side,tocleansei t
.Wel eftwhen
thesunst artedt oset,itwasabeaut if
ul t
hingt o
watchbutIwast oot i
red,Ifellasleep.Idon’ tknow
whenwegothomebutwhenIf l
ippedmyey esopen,
myf at herwast her
e, caressingonesi deofmyf ace
withhi shandt hatlookedsi xti
mesbi ggert hanmi ne
atthatage.Hehadasmi l
eonhi sf ace, proud, Itr
ied
stayingawaket ostayi nthatmomental i
ttlewhi l
e
l
ongerbutsl eepwasst rongerthanmeandIcl osed
myey est henIknewIhadbeendef eated.ThoughI
couldf eel hi
sl i
psonmyf oreheadashepl anteda
softkisst her e,t
hensai dthosef ourwor dsIhad
heardeachandev erydayofmyl ifeandnev ergot
t
ir
edofthem,“
Ilov
eyou,
Zozo.
”Idr
if
tedof
ftosl
eep
t
oofastandt
oodeep.

Ifl
ippedmyey esopenandi twast hedayofhi s
funeral.Hear tbrokenasIwasIhadt omendmyown
heart,allthegoodmoment s,thel oveandhappi ness
weshar edfeltli
kei tallhappenedt hedaybef ore.I
couldn'tgetov eritsoIhel dont oi t
.Ifellasleep
again,telli
ngmy sel
ft hat–hedi dn’tleav emeandhe
wast her ewi t
hmeal lthet i
me, ev eryonecoul dleave
butIknewt hathe’ dnev er.Ifellasleept hatnightand
wokeupt ofindoutt hatmymot herwasgoi ngto
mar rymyuncl e–shewasgoi ngt or eplacemy
fatheratashor tspaceofoneweekaf terwel aidhim
torest.Apar tofmet hought, hav i
nganot herf
ather
wasbet terthanhav ingnone–hewasnomat cht o
myf atherbuthe’ dcloset hev oid.

Ifel
li
ntoanotherdeepsleep,i
twaspeacef ul
butI
wasdistur
bedbyahear tpier
cingscream coming
fr
om mymot her’
sbedroom.If l
ippedthecoversand
ranther e.Thebangingsoundcont i
nuedandwi th
eachbangIcoul dhearhergr oaningi npain,hersobs
weretoopai nful–Iknockedont hedoor .Curi
ous,
toowor r i
edandmost lyafraidofwhatcoul dbe
happeni ngont heotherside.Itwentsi l
entandI
couldonl yhearmymot her’ssilentsobs.Ist ood
there,
ref usi
ngt otur
nbackwi t
houtknowi ngwhat
washappeni ngbehindthecl oseddoor .Therewas
shuffl
ing, t
hedooropenedandmymot herappeared,
theroom behi ndherwasbr ightandIpeer edonher
sidetoseet hemanwhost oodt allbehindher.His
eyesbl oodshotredandt heener gyar oundhim was
dark.

Mymot her '

ssniff
lesbroughtmebackandIl ooked
uptoher .Notinadaywhenmyf atherwasalivehad
Ieversawmymot hershedat ear
,Ihadnev ersaw
herunhappy ,i
fsheev erwasthenshedi dagoodjob
athidi
ngi tbecauseIneverdoubtedt hatshewas
happy.Shel ookeddownatme, “I
t'
slateandy ou
haveschool tomor r
ow–gobackt osl eep,
”shesaid
wit
hat rembl i
ngv oi
ce.AtthatageIcoul dseethat
shewasunhappy ,
IwantedtoknowsoIcoul dhelp
her,wewerehappybeforeandIcoul dmakei t
happen–forher.Butshechosehi m,overandov er
again,
andnotoncedidshet hinkaboutme.About
howwhathappenedt oheraffectedme, i
fIwas
happyornotandthelastthi
ngIf el
twaslov e–she
tr
ulydiedt
hedaymyf athertookhislastbreath.

“Isanki
ntoanotherdeep,peacefulsl
eepandwoke
up,andshewasdead–agai n.”Freshtearstr
ail
ed
downonmycheekst omyneck.Icoul df eel
the
heavyweightofpai
ni nmyhear tdoubli
ngup, i
twas
tooheavy–Icouldn'tcont
ainmywai l
.

“Comeon,cr
yital
lout.
”Hebrushedmybackand
pull
edmemor ecl
osertohi
m,ti
ghteni
nghi
sarms
aroundme.

Whatev
erthatmademehumanewasr ippedoutof
me,myheartwaschoppedi
ntosmall
piecesand
t
heyfeditt
othedogs.Al
lofmebecamenon
existent,thereisnothingt oli
vefor,Iwakeupand
thepai nisst il
lthr
obbingi nmyhear t
.Akukho
ukuphumul a.Ever
ydayist hesame, t
hepai n
becomesmor edauntingandIhav ethoughtofaf ew
easierway st oendthepai n–f or
ev er.Itwould'
ve
beenbet terifIhadsomeonet oshar emypai nwi t
h
butIhav enoone, mypar entsdeniedmet hechance
tohav easi bli
ng,abrotherorasi ster.Theyhadme
only,thel onertheygav ebirt
ht oandl efthertofend
forher self.Iam adeadwomanwal king,ther
eis
nothingl eftformeher e..
.

“It
oldyout
hisbef
oreandIam goi
ngt osayi
tagai
n,I
am her
eforyouZobuhl
e–throughitall
Iwil
lal
ways
bether
e.Youarenotal
one,
youhaveme. ”

Hecupsmyf ace,wi
pingt
hetrai
loftear
swi t
hhis
thumbsandthelookonhi
sfacetoldmet hathei
s
genui
nel
yconcerned–hecares.

“
Ilov
eyou,
nev
erf
orgett
hat
.”
Ut
hando:
Ninet
een

Si
mbonga

“LookwhoIf oundatthegate,”shesay s.Iturnt

o
l
ookt omyleftandshepushesI nganathiforwar
d,
towardsme.Inganathiwaves,wi t
haner voussmi l
e
onherfaceandIholdmybr eath,taki
nginherbeaut y
andpresence.

Wear ei nthegrounds, Iwasbr iefi

ngthet eam about
theirschedul efortheupcomi ngweeks–t he
upcomi ngmat ches,practiceandt rai
ningso
ever yonei shere.Andt heyseem t ohav etheir
attentiononourguestr i
ghtnowandIam i nvisi
ble–
Idon’ tknowwhyshei sher ebutI ’
mlookingf orward
tof oundi ngoutbutaftershehasanswer edt he
endl essquest i
onsf r
om t hegirls.You’
dswear
they ’
vej ustseenacel ebrit
y,Idon'twantt ocal l
my sel fonebutIwasn’ tgivent hismuchat t
ent i
on
whenIf irstcameher eandIam mor epopul arthan
her.SomesayGodi sf
emalesoIwon’ tar
gueany
fur
ther.Ij
uststoodbyandletthem haveaquest
ion-
and-answersessionofthei
rown.

Iwatchedhercl oselyassheanswer edeach

questi
on, conf identlyli
keshehadbeenexpect ing
suchandshehadananswerf orev eryquest i
on.I
watcht hewayherhandsmov esassheexpl ains
somet hingi nt odet ail
,sheisgoodi npubl i
cspeaki ng,
notshyatal landIcanseet hatherhear ti
si nto
soccer–t het hingsshei ssay ing, you’dswearshe
hasbeenpl ay i
ngf ootballforal ongt ime.Idon’ t
knowwhi chonebeat stheot her ,t
hef actthatshei s
agoodpl ay erort hatshehasagoodcoach, itmi ght
bebot hbutherdet erminationt akest hecup.They
darehert oshowt hem hersecr etmov eory oucan
calli
thersi gnat uremov ewhenshei si nthef ield,
l
ikedancer s, singers,writers, etc.,soccerpl ay ers
alsohav easi gnat uresomet hi ng-somet hingt hat
setsthem apar t.Shecat chest hebal l butmanages
togetoutoft hedar ewithoutr eveal i
nghersi gnat ur
e,
thegirl
sl eti tslideandmov edont oaski ngmor e
quest
ions.

“
YouandNomaguguseem cl ose,howisy our
r
elat
ionshi
pwithher,
Imeandoy ouseeherasa
motherfi
gure–judgi
ngbythefactthatyouli
vei
n
t
heAcademyawayf r
om y
ourparents?”

Themoodst i
ll
sf oraf ewseconds, l
ikeairhasbeen
suckedoutoft helit
tleroundbal lwel i
vei nandt he
ti
mehascomet oast andstill
.Thegi rl
sar elooking
atherwai ti
ngf orhert oanswert hequest i
on, t
heir
cur i
osityhasgr ownbi ggert hanwhent heyf ir
stsaw
herst eppingt owardst hem andI nganat hilooks
uncomf ortableforsomer eason.Shehol dsont ight
ont hatslingbagshehasov erhershoul derand
turnst olookatmel ikeshei sbeggi ngtobesav ed
from somev ult
ure.Thequest i
onr ef
erri
ngt oher
relati
onshi pwi t
hNomagugumusthav eputherof f,I
remembert helastti
meIment ionedNomagugu’ s
nameandshewentsouri nseconds.
“
Okaythati
senough,
”Isayl
oudenoughf
ort
hem t
o
t
urnt
heirheadst
ome.

“Butshehasn’
tanswer
edt
hequesti
on,
”oneoft
hem
complai
nsandIputmyhandsupintheai
r.

“Shei
snothereforyourquest
ionsandy
ouhavethe
dayoff
,unl
essyouareeagerenoughgetint
oan
hourortwooftr
aini
ng.”

Theyallshakethei
rheads,
tal
ki
ngamongsteach
otherandstartmovi
ngawayfrom us.

“Sowhatdoweowethepl
easur
eofhavi
ngyou
here?
”Isay
,taki
ngaf
ewstepst
owardsher
.

Shesi
ghs,i
nrel
i
efandpull
sasmallsmi
le.“
You
knowKwaMashubett
erthanIdosoIwashopi
ng
youwoul
dshowmear ound.
”
Wow, Il
aughli
ght
lyandshesmileswider
.Ihav
en’
t
beenherefort
hatlongbuty
eah,bet
weenmeand
her,
Iam abett
ertourgui
dearoundhere.

“Okay.Ihav
eaf ewt hi
ngsIhavetodointheoffice–
paperwork–Iwasn’ tpl
anni
ngtodoany t
hingelse
today,
”herfacefal
lsatmystatement.“
Butsince
you’r
ehereIwillmakeanexcepti
on,Iwil
ldoitlater
sothatyourtri
pdoesn’tgotowaste.
”

Shesmi lesagain,there’
ssomet hingaboutherand
thefactthatshei shereonherf reewillsetsher
apart.Sheisli
keabr eat
hoffreshai r
,andi fitwasn’
t
forthatnervousener gysherel
easeswhenev er
Nomagugui saroundorany onement i
onshername
thenI’dsayshei sahappysoul , anangel onearth
andt hosebigey esofhersmakeherl ooki nnocent
l
ikeal i
ttl
echild.Itel
lhertoaccompanymet omy
offi
cesoI ’
dgett hepaper wor
k, Iwil
ldot hewor kat
homeandwher everwear egoingIam notwi ll
i
ngto
dr
ivebackher
ether
eaf
ter
.

“
Howdi
dyouknowt
haty
ou’
dfi
ndmeher
e?”

“Wereyouhi di
ng?”sheasksandIshakemyheadno,
chuckli
ng.“Youareverypopul
araroundher
esoi
t
wasn’thardtofindyourl
ocati
on,
”shesays.

“Andoutoft
hethousandpeopl
einKwaMashuyou
cametomet ogi
vey ouatour
?”Isay
,fi
xi
ngthepi
l
es
ofpaper
s.

“Outofthethousandpeopl
eher
einKwaMashu,
you
aretheonlyonewhoistrust
wor
thyandIknowy
ou
areharmless.
”

Okay
.
ThedooropensjustasIgr
abmycarkey
sand
Zobuhl
ewalksin.

“
Ohsorr
yIdidn’
tknowy
ouwer
est
il
lher
e,”shesay
s
l
ooki
ngatI
nganathi
.

“
Wear eact
uall
ygoi
ngoutsoIwon’
tbeher
efort
he
r
estoftheday
.”

Thewar m smileonherf aceonl ycur l

stoawi der
smi l
eandshedoesn’ tsayany thingmor ebef oreshe
disappear sbehindthedoor .IleadI nganathi t
omy
carafterlockingtheof f
icedoor .Iknowapl acet hat
sell
sv erynicevetkoeks, f
riedchi psandchi cken
wings–i sgivi
ngmet hecheesegi rlvi
besbutshei s
i
nt het ownshipsoI ’
ll
givehert het ownship
experience,evenifittakesmet ot akehert ot he
shisany amaort hecarwashi nGsect i
on.May bethe
nexttimeIseeherIwi l
ltakehert here.Yes, Iam
planningt oseemor eofher ,shei sar aregem t hatI
wantt ohol dontoandshe’ sher enowsoIam nev er
l
ett
inghergoaf
tert
his.

Af terget t
ingouror der,Idri
vet oasecl udedar eat hat
ov erlookssect ionCandDofKwaMashuandi fyou
l
ookf urt
hery oucanseet heKwaMashut rai
nst ation
thathasashoppi ngcent reont hesi de, furtherupi s
Nt uzumaIam notr eall
yf ami l
iarwi thitbutIknow
thati tisthere.Ify oumov ey ourey esfur thertot he
l
ef tint hemount ains,thereisRi chmondf arm, iti
s
nott heni cestpl acet oliv
einort hesaf est .Heret he
airhi tsdiffer
ent l
y,itismuchpeacef ulandwe
hoppedoutoft hecar .Isett hef oodont hebonnet
andwesatoneachsi de, overlookingt het ownshi p
from t heuphi ll
.Shecanseet hemostf rom her esoi t
i
smuchbet t
erthanbei ngont her oad,looki ngat
ev erythingf r
om t hewi ndowi namov i
ngcar .

“Iam defi
nit
elygoingbackthereforatakeaway,
Noziphowon’ tbel
ievemewhenIt el
lheraboutthi
s,
”
shesay sshovingthelastbi
teofigwinyaint
oher
mout h,
shesqui r
mski cki
ngherfeetintheairasshe
cont
inuest
ochewi
t.

“I
twasheri
deaf
oryoutobeher
e?”sheshoot
sher
eyest
omeandIchuckl
e.
Iwon’tsayal most
,becauseyeah,shedi
dmanageto
foolmet hatitwasherideatowakeupinthe
mor ni
ng,dressupandcomeal lthewayfrom t
he
cit
ycentret othet
ownshipforSimbongaMasukuto
giveherat our.

“Am Ithatbad? ”Inod,yeahsheis.Shesoldhersel

f
outbef oreweev engottoNkomoFr i
edChickento
buyt hef ood.“Wel
lshewast hemast er
mindbutI
playedt hebiggestpar
tsinceIam theonewhoi s
here.”Shet akesamout hful
offri
edchipsint
oher
mout ht henwipesthedripoftomatosaucemi xed
may onnai seonthecornerofhermout hwit
hher
fi
nger t
ips.

Iswearsheat
ethemostoft
hef
oodbecauseIspent
thewhol eti
mel ooki
ngather.ThelongerIlookedat
her,themor eIsawt hatitdi
dn’
ttakeherl ongt obe
comf or t
ablear oundmeandshel ooksmuchhappi er.
Itmightbemymi ndplayi
ngwithmebutIr eall
ylike
thissi deofher ,shehasgrowntobemor ejollyand
playful .Igotof fthebonnetandwentt ostandi n
frontofher .Shedoesn’ tminduntilIputmyhands
ont opofhert highsandherbodyt ensesup, andshe
stopschewi ng.Thel ookonherfacei senought otell
met hatshei sf r
eakedoutandIraisemyhandsup,
surrender i
ng..
.

“Iwon’
tdoanyt
hingyoudon’
twantmet o,
”Iassur
e
herandshenods.“
Youli
keyourhai
rli
kethat?
”I
pointt
oher.

“
What?Doesitl
ookbadordon’
tyoul
i
kei
t?”Isense
abi
tofpani
cinhervoi
ce.

Ishakemyheadno,“
It
'sj
ustt
hati
tmakesy
ourf
ace
ali
ttl
esmal
lerwheni
tisl
iket
hat
.”
Idon’
tknowwher eshegottheelasti
cbandf rom but
shequicklypul
lsherhai
rupandtiesiti
ntoapony tai
l
ontopofherhead.Itisnott
hebestlookingponytail
butnowt hatherf
aceisoutformetosee, Icoul
dn't
behappier.

“
Howi
sitnow?
”

“Umuhle,”Isay
,crossingtheboundar
iesand
i
nv adi
ngherpersonal spaceagai
nbyplacingmy
handsonhert highs.Herbodyshuddersundermy
touchandshet akesadeepbr eat
h,andreachesf
or
thebottl
eofwat erbehindher.

Shegulpst
hewat er,closedthebot
tl
eandplacedi
t
back.Whenshetur nstolookatme,shel
ooksmuch
cal
merandIalsor elax.

“
Iwoul
dli
ket
oseey
ouagai
naf
tert
oday
.”
“
Ihavethelastgametomorr
owandthenIam
l
eavi
ng.Idon’tknowhowyouaregoi
ngtoseeme
whenIam allthewayi
nUMlazi
.”

“Idon’tcareaboutt
hedi
stance,I
’
dcomet oyoueven
i
fy ouwer einCapeTownorinthefarawayl
and,
dri
nkingt eawit
hsomeQueeni nLondon,
”Isayand
shelaughs.

“
Whydoyouwantt
oseemeagai
n?”shest
il
lhasa
wi
desmi
l
eonherface.

“
Idon’
tknowy etbutthequest
ioni
s–wi
l
lyougr
ant
methechancetofindout?”

Shepullsherlipsint
oat hinli
ne, bat
ti
ngthosel ong
andthickeyelasheslookingov ermyshoulder.Idon’t
backdown, sheiscomf ortablenowsomyhandsar e
mov i
ngupanddownhert hi
ghswi thabitoft
appi ng
hereandthere.Shebr i
ngsherey esbacktomi ne.
“Okay,
”shesmil
essweet lyandIreturnhersmi l
e,my
dayhasbeenmadewel lshehasmademyl if
e
becauseIwantt
oseemor eofher,notonlyinthe
nearfut
urebutf
urtherthanthat.Myheartis
pumpingli
keneverbefore,it
’sl
ikei
tisaf oreign
organinmybodyandmybodywi ll
soonr ejecti
twit
h
howmuchi ti
sbeat i
ng.

Ithappensinabli
nkofaney
ebutitf
eel
sli
keitwent
oni nsl
owmot i
on–Ipull
edherf
acetomineand
kissedhersweetl
ips.

•
•
•

I
nganat
hi

Wal
ki
ngdownt
hehal
l
way
,Iam hummi
ngasong
thatI
,my self,
hav enev erheardof .I
tjustpopped
i
ntomymi ndandmybodyandmout hwentwi ththe
fl
ow.Ifthisiswhatt heycal lhappinessthenIwanti t
asmydai lydosebecausei nj ustonedayIam
alr
eadyaddi ctedtoit.Ahappi nessjunkie.Iki
sseda
boy!Sorry,mybadi twasaman.Damn, itt
akesa
minutetogett hehot elkeycar doutofmybag
becausemyhandsar eshaki ng.Therear etoomany
emotionsthatar egoingt hroughmybodyandmi nd
anditishardf ormet oadj ust.Ihavenev erbeenin
thi
ssituati
onsoIdon’ tknowhowt oreacttoit,
isit
evennormal t
of eel
somanyt hingsatonce?

Ist
epi nsidetheroom andclosedt hedoorbehi nd
mebuti topensagai nbeforeIcouldevengett osit
down.It urnbackandshewal ksinside.Thel ookon
herf
acemadet hehaironthebackofmyneckst and
andIjustf r
oze,sti
l
llooki
ngather .Whatev erthatI
wasfeel i
ngamomentagoi soutofthewi ndowand
i
sreplacedbyf ear–Ihat ethepersonIt ur
ni nto
whenev ersheisaroundandr i
ghtnowshehas
managedt omakemef eelmuchsmal lerthanIhad
alr
eadyfelt
.Shecl osesthedoorbehi ndher
,there
arealotofemot i
onst hatIam sensingfrom herbut
angerstandsoutt al
lert
hanther est
.Shewal ks
towardsme, f
umi ngandshebr eathi
ngoutshar ply
thannecessary.

Shegrabsmeonmyupperar m andIfli
nch.“You
for
getthatIhaveey
esandearseverywhere.
”Her
fi
nger
sdi gdipi
ntomyfl
eshasshet i
ghtenshergri
p
onmyar m.“Str
ipof
fal
lyourcl
othes!
”she
commands.

Igettoi twhil
eshei slookingatme, onl
ynowI
noticethatshehasabl ackbeltinherhand.It ake
l
ongert or emovethepai rofjeansbutshei spat i
ent
.
WhenIam st ar
k-naked, shetel
lsmet olayont opof
thebedonmyst omachandIr eluctantl
ydidast ol
d.I
couldheart hesoundoft hemet alassher ol
l
edt he
beltaroundherhand, Iwasn’ treadyforthefi
rstwhip
soIscr eamedoutl oudandscr atchedmybut tcheek
becausei twasst i
nging.Shesl appedmyhandaway ,
“y
ouscr eam l
i
kethatagainandIwi l
lki
ll
y ou,
”her
wordssentmebackt odipmyf aceintothepil
low.
Shehitmeagai nandagain,mysobswer emuf fl
ed
bythepill
ow,theburningsensati
onwassobadev en
mylegswer eshaking.Ihaveseenherangr ybutI
di
dn’tthi
nkshewascapabl eofgoi ngthi
sf ar
.

Mybut twasn’ tt
heonl yplaceshewhipped,shehit
meal lovermybackunt ilIj
ustgavei
ntothepainand
l
etherdohert hing.Thetearswerest
illf
lowing
uncontrol
lablybutIdidn’tmakeanysound.Onceshe
wassat i
sfied,shetossedt hebel
ttothesideand
grabbedmebymyhai rsoshecouldl
ookatmyf ace.

“I
thasn’ tbeenadaysi nceIgaveyouthatcaptain
positionandalreadyy ouaregoi
ngaroundr unning
afterboy s!
”shepushesmyheadbackandf orth,and
Idon’tknowwhi chpaintofocusonbecauseshei s
pulli
ngmyhai rtoohar d.“Whatki
ndofanexampl e
arey ousetti
ngf oryourteammatesbymi ssing
practicethedaybef oreyourmatch,
huh?Youwant
tobeanot herNokubonga,
ist
hatwhatthi
sis
about?”Ishookmyheadnoandshel et
sgoofme
hai
r,pushingmyheadbackdownt othepil
low.

Isniff
lequiet l
y, theheatonmyski ni sunbear abl
e
andIcan’ tev enmov ef asterthanIwi sht o.Imanage
toturntosl eepont hesi de,shehasherbackonme
butquicklyt urnswhenIsni f
flelouder .Shel ooksat
me, herfacial featuresar emuchsof t
ernowandI
don’tknowwhathappenedt othemonst ershewasa
fewmi nutesago.Shewal kst ome, peerst omyback
andshemakesasoundt hatIdon’ tunder stand.
AfterthatIdon’ tgettoseeherf ace, shewal ksaway
andIheart hedooropenandcl ose.Asobr umbles
upt omymout handIj ustletitout ,pull
ingmyknees
tochestandwr appedmyar msar oundt hem.The
dooropensagai nandIhol dmybr eat h–i sshehere
tofini
shmeof f?

Footst
epsrunt
owardst
hebedandNozi
phoappear
s
i
nfrontofmewithahor
ri
fi
edface.
“Di
dshedot hi
s?”shepeerstomybackl i
ke
Nomaguguhaddoneawhi l
eago.“OhmyGod, di
d
she?”shel
ooksatmewi theyeswell
ingwithtear
s
l
ikeshecoul
dfeelthepai
nIwasgoi ngthrough.

Inod.

“Iam sosorry.IswearIdi dn’tknowshe’ddo

somet hi
nglikethi
s,ifIknewIwoul dn'
thav elef
t
whenshesentmet of et
cht hesoccerjerseysfrom
thedrycleaners,whichwasst rangebecauseshe
couldhaveusedt hef aci
li
tiesher eint
hehot elbut
she..
.wait
,whatdi dshehi tyouf or?
”shepausesand
crouchesont hesideoft hebed.

“Imissedpr
act
ice,
andthatIwentoutwit
houtt
ell
i
ng
her.
”Myv oi
cei
shoarseandtrembli
ng.

Nozi
phoopenshermout
htosaysomet
hingbutmy
phoner i
ngsinsidet heslingbagt hati sonthefl
oor.
Shet urnst othebagandt akesoutt hephone,she
l
ooksatt hescr eenandt ome.“ It
'sSimbonga,”she
saysl ookingner vousunliket heNozi phoIknow.I
reachoutt otaket hephonef rom her,hemustbe
call
ingt ofindouti fIarri
vedsaf elybutNozipho
doesn’ thandt hephoneov ertomei nsteadshecut
s
thecal landsay s,“ifyoutal ktohi
m, hewi l
lknow
thatsomet hi
ngi swr ongandt henwhatar eyou
goingt otellhim? ”
Ut
hando:
Twent
y

Si
mbonga

“Awmanj
esi
thandwasami
minangi
zok’
thol
akuphi
dudur
udu
Youwil
lmeetmeatt
her
iver
,youwi
l
lmeetmeatt
he
ri
ver
Uzongi
thol
angi
blom’
eml
anj
eni
sit
handwasami
du
durudu.”

Il
aughatt
he“
dudur
udu”andshel
ooksupt
ome.

“Shoul
dIconti
nue?”Ishrugandcont i
nuedt odunk
thespongeint
othefoam wat er
.“IknowIam abad,
noactuall
yIam at
erri
blesinger–Iwoul dn’
teven
volunt
eertosi
ngatyourfuneral.
”
Whatt
hehel
l
?

Sheseesmyfaceandgiggl
es.Ist
opwashingthe
carandl
ookedather
,sheisamusedanddoesn’t
seeanyt
hingwr
ongwithwhatshehasjustsai
d.

“
Youhav
eknownmef
orwhat
..
.?
”

“Onemonth,
”sher
epl
i
eshol
dingbackf
rom l
aughi
ng
outl
oud.

“Andalr
eadyyouseeyoursel
fatmyfuner
al?
”she
giggl
esagai
n,l
ookingal
li
nnocent.

Il
etitsli
deforasecondandshecont inuestosi ng
al
ongt he‘Mafi
kizol
o–Uzongi t
holaEmlanjeni’
song
agai
n.Ilookathert hr
oughthecornerofmyey eand
shehasr el
axedsoIscoopedabi tofwaterfrom the
bucket,andthr
ewt hewateratherdir
ecti
on.Itlands
ont hesideofherf aceandt rai
l
sdownherneckand
arm.Shescr eamedoutl oudandf r
ozebecauseof
thecoldwat erincontactwi t
hherskin–t hesunmay
beoutbutnoonewoul dwantt obespl ashedwit
h
coldwat erunexpectedly.Sherecoversquickl
yand
scoopst hewat er,
throwsi tt
omydi recti
onaswell
butonlydr i
psgett omebecauseImanagedt oduck.
Ilaughatherf ail
edattemptandshepi cksupthe
whol ebucket,andchar gestome.

“Uh-
uhBuggi
epl
ayni
ce,
”Isay
,put
ti
ngmyhandsup
asashi
eld.

Shedoesn'tbackdownsoIst artr
unningaroundt he
carandawayf rom her.Shechasesaf termewi tht he
bucketfi
ll
edwithwat er,shemanagest ogetalit
tle
amountofwat eronmybackbutIdon’ tdarestop
becausesomet hingtell
smeshewon’ tstopuntilshe
hassplashedallthatwat eronme.I ti
sevenwor se
becauseshe’sfitasanox, Ican’
tevenoutrunher
andthere’
snodoubtt hatI’
dbet ir
edbeforeshedoes.
Shefinall
ygivesupaf termuchducki ngandchasi ng.
Thesoundofl aughterneverleftourspacet hough.
Shedr opsthebucketont hegroundandpout s.Ican
neverignorethef actthatshemademef eelli
kea
chi
ldagain,runningar oundwi t
hnowor r
iesor
whatsoever–j usthav ingfun.Iwalkedupt oherand
pul
ledhert ome.

“Ar
eyouhungr
y?”sheeyesme.“Nooffencebut
peopl
egetr
eal
lygrumpywhenhungry,
”Isayand
l
aughasshepushesmeawayf r
om her.

“Youarenotget
ti
ngawaywitht
hisSimbonga,Iam
defi
nit
elycomi
ngforyou–youbett
erwatchyour
back,
”shewarns,poi
nti
ngatmewithheri
ndex
fi
nger.

Il
aughev enlouderthi
st i
met hanIdidaf
ew
secondsago, Ibetshehasseent hi
smoreti
mesin
herli
fesheev eninher
iteditandnowsheisusi
ngi
t
againstme.Iremov ethewett -
shi
rtandmoved
i
nsi dethehousewhi leshef oll
owedbehi ndme.I
pickedherupf r
om UMl aziintheear lyhoursthis
mor ning,Iwasser i
ousaboutuspur sui
nga
relati
onshipandsof arthingsar egoi nggreat.She
bringsoutt hebestinme, thechildishandcar efree
Simbonga, andIdothesamewi t
hherbecauseshe
i
sacompl etedif
fer
entper son.Muchmor erelaxed
thanwhenIf ir
stmethersowedon’ teverment ion
Nomagugu’ sname, l
ikeev er.Noziphomadeapl an
forust omeetawayf rom theAcademyandt he
prey i
ngey es–If el
tli
keat eenager .

“
Theweatheri
schangi
ngagai
n,”shesay
s,bal
anci
ng
wi
thherel
bowsontopofthecounter
.

Il
ookbackt othewindow, i
ndeedi t’
scoll
ectt
he
cl
oudsandi tl
ookslikei
tisgoi ngtorai
n.Thecar
outsi
dewill
ber i
nsedbyt herainbecauseIam too
ti
redtogetint
oitaftert
his.I
fIknewwashi ngacar
withI
nganathiwouldbesot i
ringthenIwould'
ve
scrat
chedoutthatideabeforeweev engotint
oi t
.I
madeussandwi ches,shetakesherfoodandst ar
ts
eati
ng.Every
thingaboutherscr eams‘ y
oung’,
the
wayshesqui r
msonherseatasshechewsdownt he
food,t
hehummi ngofsongsIhav eneverhear
dof
andthatlookIgetf r
om herwhenev erIcatchher
doingsomethingoutoft heordi
nar yl
ikeI’
dscoldher
ortel
lhertostopbuti nall
honest yIl
ikeit
.

“Sowhatareyouplanssincewehavereachedt
he
endoftheseason?”sheasks,pi
cki
ngupt he
breadcr
umbsfrom herplat
ethensher
aisesherey
es
tomewhenIdon’ trepl
yher.

Ishr
ug,
“pr
epar
efort
henextseason.
”

“What?Don'tyouhaveafamil
ytogot ofort
he
holi
days?Iknowthatyouli
vedinJoburgsoI
thoughtyou’
regoi
ngtogoback.”

“
Iam not
,ther
eisnoonet
her
e–mysoni
sher
ein
KZNwi
thmypar
ent
s.”

It
akemypl
atet
othesi
nkandshef
oll
owsbehi
nd
mewit
hher
s.

“Thengot oyourpar
ents’house,
”shesaysli
keiti
s
thebestideashehasev ercomeupwi t
horitisan
obv i
ousthi
ngthatIshould'
vefi
guredoutabout
withouthel
p.

ButIdon’tt hinkitisar i
ghtt i
menowt obear ound
mypar entswi thKwandoar ound.Imeanhowwi l
lI
explai
nwhyIdon’ twantt ogetcl oset ohim ort reat
him asmi ne.Bei ngfami lymeanskeepi ngt hepeopl e
youlov eclosebuti tistheopposi t
ewi thmebecause
Ihavet orunt heoppositedirectionjusttopr otect
mysonf rom me.Al otwi ll
hav etober eveal edfor
mypar entst ounderstandandIdon’ twantt oget
i
ntoi t
,thehol i
daysaref ormaki ngmemor iesandnot
draggingt aintedmemor iesint
ot hepr esentandr ui
n
whatpeopl eknewbecauseoft het hingstheydi dn’t
know.Thatt
imewi
l
lcome,
justnotnow.

“No,may
benot
.Iwi
llst
ayher
e.”Shef
rownsandI
pull
hert
omychest
.

Thatsoft
,curl
yhai
rofhersi
sinmyface.It
akei
nit
s
scentanditsmel
lsl
ikel
ime,r
efr
eshi
ngand
summer y
.

“Doyouwashy
ourhai
rwi
thl
i
me?
”Iask,
sni
ff
ingi
t
agai
n.

Shegi
ggl
es,
“Noi
tisal
emonf
lav
our
edshampoo.
”

Nev ercameacrosssuchbutitsmell
sreal
l
ynice.
Thewar mththatcomeswi t
hherbeinginmyarms
feelspermanent,
Idon’twantt
oletgoofherandshe
holdsmet i
ghterl
ikesheheardmythoughts.I
tisso
scarytobeont hi
sroadwear eonbecausewedon’t
knowwhatt omorr
owhasf orus–wi ll
ther
eev enbe
anuswhenwewakeupt omor row–orwi l
l i
tallend
beforetheendoftoday?Myf eelingsforherare
dif
ferentandIcannevercompar et hem wi
t hany
otherfeel
ings,t
heyaredi
fferentf rom thefeel
ingsI
hadforSisanda,di
ffer
entfrom t hosethatIhav efor
Zobuhleandr i
ghtnowIam st il
l stuckatdetermining
whichonesar estr
onger.

“Ihav
et ogototheoff
ice.Si
nceyoument
ionedwe
areattheendoftheseason,Ihav
etomakesure
thatt
hingsar
einplaceforwhenweopenagain.
”

Ikissthet
opofherheadandshel
etsgoofme.I
suggestshewearssomet
hingwar
m si
nceithas
start
edrai
ning.

“YeahNozi
phomadesur etopackt
hosef orme,
”she
rol
lsherey
esandwalksawayf r
om me.“Idon’
t
knowwhatmadehert hi
nkIwill
besleepi
ngover.
”
TrustmeIwasjustasshockedtol
earnhowheavy
herbagwaswhenIhel
pedherwi
thi
t.

“Soyouwillneversl
eepover
?”Iask,f
oll
owi
ngbehi
nd
herandshet ur
nsbackt omebeforeshecl
i
mbedup
thestai
rs.

“
I-
I,no,
notnowatl
east
.”

“I
t’
djustbeasl eepover
,it
'snotli
keI’
ddoanythi
ngto
you–unl essyouaskmet o,
”Iteaseandshecorks
herbrowwi t
haf rown.“Movealong,thet
imeisnot
onourside,Iam sureyouwantt otakeashower
befor
ey ougo.”Ipushherupt hestai
rs.

Whenwer eacht
hetop,shetur
nst olookatme,“
I
don’tt
hinkIam r
eadyforusto.
..,
”shepoints
betweenmeandher ,andIgettheideaofwhatshe
means.“ Sohowlongareyouwill
ingtowait?
”
“Forasl
ongasi
ttakesfory
outobeready,
andli
keI
said–Iwon’
tdoanythi
ngtoyouunl
essyouaskme
to.
”

•
•
•

Zobuhl
e

Therewasacel ebrationher e,whichinv estorsand

sponsor sattended, thepat ientsthoughti twast hei
r
birt
hdaycel ebration.Di rt
yisscat t
eredal loverthe
place,you’dsweari twasay oungkid'spar t
y–we
areonlymi ssingaj umpi ngcast l
e.Thef uni sover
andnowIhav et odot hehar dwor kofcl eani
ng.
Gratefulforthehel pf rom theot herstaff,Ionlyhave
tocleant hehall andt hepassagel eadingt otheexit
door.Idragt hebucketdownt hepassageandt here
arev oi
ceser uptingatt heendoft hepassage, Ilook
upandt her
earethreet
eenagers,oneboyandtwo
gir
ls,
theyarehuggi
ngandkissingthei
rmother
.The
samewomant hatwasinherebecauseofher
abusiv
ehusband.

Sheisar arecasebecausebyt helooksoft hings,

shehasbeenr eunit
edwi t
hherchi l
drenandwi l
l be
goinghome.I tisahear twar mi ngsight,thenur ses
arewi thherandherpsy chologist,shedidt hemost
bystay ingst r
ongandnotgi v i
ngup.Shedi ditso
she’dgobackt oherchi ldren, i
twasn’ tal
l abouther
butfort hem.At hingt hatmymot herfail
edt odof or
me–f orher sel f
.Tear strai
ldownhercheeksbut
shehasawi desmi l
eonherf ace,thekidsar ejustas
happyandy oucant ellt
hatshewasmi ssedandt hey
needher .Istoodt hereandl ookedatt hem.Li fe
doesn’towemeany thi
ng, mypar ent sdon’toweme
anythingt oobutIowei ttomy selftoheal from t his
pain,andmov eon.

Shesay
sgoodby
etot
henur
sest
hathav
ebeen
l
ooki ngaf t
erher ,shet hankst hepsy chol
ogi stfor
helpinghergetoutoft hatdarkholeandsheexi ts
throught hedoorwi t
hherchi l
drenbyhersi de,
shieldingthem likeahenpr otecti
ngherchi cks.They
disappearandt henur seswentbackt otheirst ations.
Inev erysit
uation, thereisalway sli
ghtatt heendof
thet unnel,i
fshegav eupt hathusbandofher swoul d
hav ewon, he’dhav edest royedherandshewoul dn't
hav egonebackt oherchi ldren.Thekidswoul d've
beenatagr eaterl osswi t
houtaf atheroramot her.I
getoutofmyheadandcont i
nuedwi thcleaning.

Thereisnopracti
cetodayandf ortheweekscomi ng
becauseofthefesti
vebr eak.Thet ournamentsare
goingtoconti
nuenex tyear,west i
llstandachance
si
ncewear estil
lpartofitandwi thmyheadget t
ing
cl
earerbyeachpassingdayIam sur ebytheti
meI
gobackt othefi
eldI’
dber eadyt okick-ass.
Simbongaishere,Iknowsobecausehi scaris
parkedri
ghtinfr
ontofhi soffi
ce.Bef oreIcoul
dgo
pastit
,Ihearacarcomi ngbehindmeandIt ur
n
back–Imustbet estedforreal
.Whati sthi
sold
thingdoi
ngher e?Sheswitchesofftheengineand
comesout .Ifeelangerbr
ewinginsidemeatt he
sightofherface.Shehasaner v
et oshowherf ace
andhowt hehel ldi
dshegetpastMy eni
,wasn’the
theonewhocal l
edherdodgyandaccusedherof
steali
ngfrom us?!

“
Zobuhl
e,
”shesay
s,wal
ki
ngt
owar
dsme.

“Don'
tsaymynamewi ththatfi
lthymout hofy ours
anddaret akeanot herst epcloser,andIam goi ngto
showy out heot hersideofmet hatyounev erwant
tosee,
”myv oicei ssternasIwar nher,Iam too
angry–shepl ayedmeandst olefrom me–ev enmy
eyesarewel l
ingwi tht earsasitfeelsl
ikeshei shere
torubsaltonmyf reshwounds.Shehur tme
becauseIt rust edher !

“I’
m sosorry,
”shesaysquiet
ly.Thelookonherface
tel
lsmet hatsheisgenui
nelysorryandifshecame
backamont hagothenI’
dhavewel comedherwith
openar
msbutIam wayov
ert
hat
.

“Sor
ryforwhatMal
indi
?!
”myv oi
cerefl
ectsmyanger
andherfacefal
l
s.Whatwassheexpecting?–t
hat
I’
dsaywelcomebackandlet
’scont
inuewherewe
l
eftoff
?
“
Iam sor
ryf
orev
ery
thi
ng.
”

“Youstol
efrom meMali
ndi
,It
rustedy ouandIwas
kindt
oy ou,
andwhatyoudi
dwi t
ht hatkindness,
huh?”

“
Trustme,Iwouldn’thavedoneiti
fIdi
dn’
tneedt
o.”
Hereyesgetgl
i
tteryatthatst
atement.

Shecan’
tbeserious!Sosheisj
ust
if
yingheract
ions
bysayi
ngthatshedidn’
thaveachoi
ce?

“
Iwantt
hoset
hingsback,
”Isayatal
owert
one.She
doesn’
tlookl
ikeshehasanyofthestuf
fwi
thher
andther
e’snodoubtthatev
enthemoneyshegot
fr
om sel
lingt
hosethi
ngsisnomor e,
andnowsheis
backtosteal
mor est
uff.

“
Idon’
thav
ethem.
”

“Iwantthemoneyt
hen.
”Iopenmyhandt
oherand
shelooksati
t.

“Idon’
thavethatki
ndofmoneyZobuhl e,Iusedall
thatmoneyformymot her
’soperat
ionandi fshe
didn’
tgofortheoperati
on,she’
dhav edied.
”She
fail
stohol
dbackhert earsthi
sti
mear ound.

“Soyoustolefr
om met osaveyourmother–what
happenedtoaskingforhel
pMalindi
?!
”Ishoutedand
heardfoot
stepsrunni
ngtowardsmef r
om behind.
“
Whatareyoudoi
ngher
e?”hesoundsj
ustasangr
y.
Hel
ooksatmeandbackather
.
“
Shecamet
osaysor
ry,
”Isay
.

Malindil
ooksatus,“
actuall
yIcametoaskyouto
dropthecharges,
Iheardthatt
hepoli
cearel
ooki
ng
formef orchar
gesoftheft
.Ihavenev
erstol
enfr
om
anyoneelseandyouaretheonlyonewhowould’
ve
fi
ledthecase.”

Il
ookatheri
ndi
sbel
ief
,sothatsor
rymeantnothi
ng
andshewoul
dn'
tbeherei
ftherewerenopol
iceon
hert
ail
?Wow.

Simbongachucklesbit
ter
ly,
“youhavecomet ot he
wrongplace,Iwantmystuffbackandifyoudon’ t
havethem thenIwantmymoney–i fyoucan’tdo
thatt
henapol i
cecell
isasuitabl
eplaceforpeople
l
ikeyou!”hepoint
stoher.
Shet ri
est opleadwi thusbutwehearnoneofi t,she
should'vesoldt hatthingshecal lsacari fshe
neededt hemoneysomuch.Idon’ twantt oev ersee
heragai nbecauseIdon’ tt
rustmy selfast owhatI
mightdot oherwhenIl aymyey esonher .“Thenext
ti
meIwantt oseey oui swheny ouar eablet opay
memymoney ,
ifnot,thenIwi l
lseei ncour tasa
wit
nesst omakesur ey ouservet imeandIget
j
ust i
ce.”Theangerhehadhasdoubl edup.Ican’ t
beli
ev eIallowedsomeonel ikeheri nmyl i
fe,they
saylov eisblindbutpai nislosingal ly oursenses, I
don'tevenknowwhatIsawi nher .“Leav e!
”Iaddand
shef i
nallygetst hemessage.Wewat chherasshe
reversesoutanddi sappeari
ngar oundt hecor ner.

“Ar
ey ouokay
?”heasks,
tur
ningt
ofacemeandhe
soundsmuchcalmer.

“Yeah,
”Isay,av
oidi
ngeyecont
act,Iam very
embarrassedofthemessIhadcreatedifi
twasn’
t
formet henMali
ndiwoul
dn’
thavestolenthose
t
hings.

Idon’
tknowwhatmadehi m pul
lmet
ohi
schest
,a
hugisexact
lywhatIneeded.

“Ihavetodri
veI
nganat
hibackhome,ar
eyousur
e
you’r
egoingtobeal
ri
ght?
”heforcesmetol
ookat
himthisti
mearoundandInod.

Hel etsgoofmebutnotbef oreplant

ingakisson
myf or
ehead.Thedoort ohisoff
iceopensand
Inganathistepsout.Shegivesmeabr i
efsmil
eandI
returnitwit
hasl i
ghtnod.Simbongal eadshert
othe
carandhehoot sashedr i
vesout.Isi
ghedand
wal kedtomyr oom.
Ut
hando:
Twent
yOne

Zobuhl
e

“
Oht
hatonehasbet
terpl
ansf
ornexty
ear
.”

“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”Iask,
sit
ti
ngont
opofhi
sdesk.

“
Igotacal
lfr
om himthi
smor
ning,
hewant
stost
ay
wi
thhi
sgrandpar
ents.
”

“
Asi
n,f
ull
-t
ime?
”

Henodsandexhalessoftl
y.Onet hi
ngIknowi sthat
Kwandowouldn'
thavecomeupwi t
hthati
deaif
whereheisdi
dn’
tfeell
ikehomeandIdon’ tblame
hi
m.From whatIhavegathered,hedoesn’
thav ea
goodrel
ati
onshi
pwithhisfatherforsomereason
andbei ngwithhi sgrandpar entsisexact l
ywhathe
needs.Simbongahasn’ tsaidmuchaboutt hereason
behindhim nothav i
ngt hatfatherandson
rel
ationshi
pwi t
hKwando, t
hecl oseki ndof
rel
ationshi
p, Imeanhecanbehi sf atherand
everyoneknowst hatbuti tdoesn’ tfeelthatway .Not
onlyforhim butf orthechi l
daswel l.Iwon’ tpush
himt otell
mewhy ,onet hi
ngIhav elear ntthelast
fewweeksi snott opushy ourselfort heother
persont otal
kaboutst ufftheydon’ twi shtot al
k
aboutandi tsbestt ojustletlifetakesi t'
scour se–
nothingremai nshiddenany way ,youj ustneedt obe
pati
ent .

“
Idon’
tthi
nkthati
saprobl
em,yousai
dity
our
sel
f
t
hathesoundedhappyt
obethere.
”

“IknowbutIwantedhimt ogetthebestqual
it
yof
educationmoneycanbuyandnotbeschool edinthe
vil
lage.Andwhataboutthoseextr
acurri
cul
umst hat
wer egoingt
ohelphim wit
hhisschoolwork?The
vi
ll
ageschool
sdon’
thav
ethat
,”hecompl
ains,
cover
inghi
sfacewi
thhi
shands.

“
Idon’
tthi
nkt
hatisthepr
oblem,Iwasschool
edi
n
t
hevil
l
ageandItur
nedoutjustf
ine.
”

“Reall
y?”helooksatmeandIgi vethe‘
duh’
look.
“Youwor kattheasyl
um andnotasdoctorornurse
butasacl eanerandyoudon’thavemuchgoingon
besidesthat,
”hesayswavinghishandsint
heair.

“Wow,
”Icov
ermymout
hwi
thmyhandandl
ooked
hi
m.

Hesi
ghs,“
I’
m sor
ry,Idi
dn’
tmeantosayitl
iket
hator
t
obel
itt
leyou.
”Helooksapol
oget
icenough.

IknowIdon’thav
eanythi
ngnextt
omyname–I
havenot
hingbutthatj
obgavemeenought
osur
viv
e
thislongandIam t rulygr atefulf
ori t
.Andi tisnot
thev i
llageschool stobl amef orallofthis,ifIhada
plant henIwoul dhav econt i
nuedwi t
hmyst udies
butIwenti ntot hisli
febl i
ndl ywithoutanypl anor
direction.Iwasconf used, t
heonl ythingIwant ed
wast ogetawayandl eavet hatli
febehi ndme, not
knowi ngt hatIam goi ngt obest uckher e.Il ookedup
andar oundt hesmal loffi
ce.What everdr eamsIhad
arelef ti
nt hatpl ace,burieddeep–si xfeetunder
withmypar ents.

“Noyou’r
eright.Ican’
treal
l
ycompar emysel
fwi
th
him.Idon’
thav easpir
ingdreamsandmatri
c
cert
if
icat
eistheonl yt
hingthatIhav
etoshow–that
makesmenot hing.
”

“
Iam sor
ry,
it’
sjustt
hat–“

“Youwantwhatisbestforhi
m,Iunder
stand,butl
et
him be.Hei
sjustachi
ldandtheonlyt
hingyou
shouldbepr
iori
ti
singi
nistomakesurethatheis
happy
.”

“
Hei
shappy
.”

“
Reall
y?”Iti
ltmyheadtothesi
de,
usinghi
s
t
echni
queagai nsthi
m –hedoest
histometomake
mefeelstupid.

Hesi
ghsagai
n.“
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
odo?
”

“I
t'
snotaboutwhatIwanty out odo,it’
sabouty ou
choosingbet weengi vi
ngy oursonahome, thatlove
hehadal wayswant edfrom y ouandmaki nghi m
happyory oucangiv ehim anexpensi veschool wit
h
anendl essli
stofext racurri
culumst hatwill
guaranteehim aschol arshiptosomeLawschool i
n
someot herpartofthewor ldandhav ehi mr esenti
ng
youfornotput tinghishappi nessfi
rst.Idon’tknow
whaty ouar etryi
ngt odobutt obehonesty ou’re
doingitthewr ongway–dowhati sbestf orhim and
notwhaty
ou‘
thi
nk’
iswhati
sbest
.”

Hel ooksupt ome, takinginwhatIhav ejustsaid.I

alsocoul dhavechosent ost aybecauseofwhatt hat
l
ifepr ov i
dedforme–Ihadev ery
thingt hatanyone
couldev erwishforandIgotev eryt
hingt hatI
want ed, andIwoul dhav egottenmor ei fIsaidthe
magi cwor dsbutthatwasnotenough.Anychi ldor
personwant shappi ness,wantstof eellov edand
appreci ated–moneyi snotev eryt
hing–i tistr
ue
whent heysayi twon’tbuyy ouhappi nessbecause
youcanhav eitbutstil
lbethemostmi serable
personi ntheworld.

“Tr
ustme,
Idi
dn’
tlookati
tthatway
,”hefi
nal
lysays
aft
eral
ongmomentofsil
ence.“
You'
reri
ght,
thank
you.
”

“
That'
swhatfr
iendsarefor,
”Isay,punchi
nghim on
t
heshoul
derandhel aughs.“
Wait,whichpi
cturedo
y
oulookatandthink–Iam blessed,thi
nkofitas
t
hebestdayofy
ourl
i
feandy
ourl
i
fechangedatt
hat
moment.
”

Hesmilesr
eal
lywideandsay s,“
Ithi
nkIhavejust
t
heri
ghtphotoforthat
,”anddigsint
ohispockett
o
r
eachforhi
sphone.

Iwatchhim andhescr oll

sdownadozenofphot os,
I
didn’
tknowaguycoul dkeepsomanyphot os.Iam a
womanbutIdon’ tkeepasmanyphot os–Iam not
photogenic,ItakephotoswhenIwantt oorwhenI
haveto,notf orunnecessaryreasonsl ikecheckingif
mynosei soi lyornot–Ihav eami rrorf orthat.He
handsmet hephone, Ilookatthescr eenandi tisa
photoofSi sandawi thababyinherar ms, whoI
guessisKwando.Ihav eseenherphot obeforeso
that’
swhyIknowt hati
tisher.Itl
ooksl i
keitwast he
daywhenshegav ebirt
hbecauseshel ookstir
edand
sweaty,andt hatisdefi
nitel
yahospi tal gownthat
sheiswear ing.Thebabyl ookssot i
ny .
“Thatwasthebestdayofmyl
i
fe,
”Ihearhi
m sayand
Ilookup.

“Iam sur
eyouwer eatyourhappi
estpeak.Wil
l
Kwandobeasqui cktotakeoutaphotoorcallouta
momentwher ehewasathi shappi
est?”Iask,
handi
nghim backhisphoneandhet akesit
.

“
Yeah,whenhi
smot herwasst
il
lar
oundwemade
t
hebestmemories.
”

“Hismotheri
sdeadSimbonga, doyout hi
nkaft
erthe
wayhehasbeenlivi
ngaf t
erherdeath,hecanrecall
thosememor i
eswit
houtsheddingat ear?
”Iask
getti
ngofft
hedesk.“Don'
tactheroev enwhenyou
don’thav
etoandjustli
ve.
”
HenodsandIsmi let
ohi m.Iam nott
hebestperson
togiveoutadvi
cesbecauseIam notper
fectbutI
don’twanttoseeanyonegothroughwhatIwent
thr
ough.
•
•
•

I
nganat
hi

Hecalledmeouther e,It
houghtwewer egoi ngto
l
eaveandgof arfr
om t hi
splacebutnowear estil
lin
Umlazi.AndIhav ebeenl ooki
ngov ermyshoul der
everypassingsecond, i
fNomaguguwer etopi t
chup
andseemeouther ewi thnooneot herthanhi mthen
someonewi l
ldefi
nit
elydie.Isawthetension
betweenthem thef i
rstdayImethi m,i
twast oo
thi
ck–Imaynotknowwhati sgoingonbet ween
them butthere’
sdefini
telysomething.

“
Shesai
dal
lthat
?”
“
Yeah,
aney
eopenerIt
ell
you,
”hesay
s,smi
l
ing.

“
Mmmh,
Itr
ulyagr
eewi
thher
,”Isayandhel
aughs.

“OhLord,
Icanalr
eadyseeit
,thebot
hofyou
gangi
nguponme. ”Herai
seshishandsupasa
shi
eldandIsmil
e.

Idon’ tknowhowt otaket hat,may bei tisajokebut

i
tdi dn’tcomet omeasone, itlooksl ikehei sr eall
y
closewi ththisZobuhl egi r
landwel lhespeakshi ghly
ofher .Noziphoneedst oknowaboutt hissoshecan
i
nt ervene,may beIam ov erthinki ngi tandsheneeds
topoi ntmet ot herightdirection.Hi sphoner ings
andheexcuseshi msel fsay i
ngheneedst otaket he
call,andhest epsawayf rom me.Thenhi sfacef all
s
afterawhi l
eoft al
kingwi thwhoev ert hatwasont he
otherend, helooksspooked, pai nedandpal e–
ther e’
salotthati sgoingonwi thhi m andIdon’ t
knowwhatt omakeoutofi t.Iwal kedupt ohim and
att hatmomentheconcl udedt heconv ersat
ion,and
hungup.

“
Whati
swr
ong?
”Iask,
concer
ned.

Helooksworsenow,tearsar
ewelli
nginhiseyes
andhischesti
sheaving.OhmyGod, coul
ditbe
Kwando?Lord,l
etnotitbehi
m.Her ubshisface
fur
iousl
y,hei
smakingmemor eworri
edwithhis
sil
enceandispushi
ngmedeepi ntomymi sery
becauseIam onl
ythi
nkingoftheworst.

“Heisdead,”hesayswithonehandontopofhi
s
headandt heotherdeepinsi
dehi
spocketwhi
chhi
s
phoneisin.

“Who?”Ilookathi
m,l
i
ket
heanswerwi
l
lrev
eal
itsel
f
onhisface.

“
Dingani
,hewashi
j
ackedIdon’
tknowwhatwent
wrongbutt
heykil
ledhim,”i
ttookalotforhi
mt osay
t
hatandheistry
ingreal
lyhardtoholdbackhistear
s
–thisDi
ngani
personmusthav emeantal ottohim.

“Iam sorr
y ,
”Itel
lhi
m andhenods,notlookingatme.
Idon’tknowwhosai dmendon’ tcr
ybecauset his
oneher eisholdi
ngontothosewor dsl
ikehislif
e
dependsoni tandifheweretoshedat earthenhe’d
belessofaman.Whoev ersai
dsuchat hingshould
bekil
led,ifheisalr
eadydeadthenkil
lhim agai
ni n
theafterl
ifeandinthenext
.

“
Ican’tbel
iev
ethis,
wespokejustaf
ewhour
sago.
”
Hebreathesoutandtakesast
epback.

Deathhasnotimi
ng,nooneisev
erpr
epar
edf
ori
t
thati
sjusthowsel
fi
shiti
s.

“Iam sor
ry,
”Isayagai
n.Iam r
eall
ybadat
comforti
ngpeople,
ahugisallt
hatIcanof
fer
becauseIcan’ tcomeupwi thcomforti
ngwords.And
howcany oucomf or tsomeonewhohasl osta
personcloset otheirheart
,it
’snotli
keIcansayit
willgetbett
erbecauseaper sonisdeadhereand
theywi l
lneverwakeup.Andsay inggetoveri
twil
l
seem mor ecruel t
hanev er.

“Ihavetogett
oJobur
gtoday
,”hesay
s,t
aki
ngout
hisphoneandcal
l
ssomeone.

“
Fli
ghtsarecancel
l
edunti
lfur
thernot
ice,
”that
’s
whathetel
lsmeaf t
erhi
scall
.

Hegruntsandbangsthebonnetofhiscar,I
under
standhisf
rust
rati
onsbutthecardidn’
tdo
anyt
hingwrong.

“Si
mbongacanyoucal
m down!
”Ishoutpushi
nghi
m
awayf
rom t
hecar.
“How,howcanIcal
m down?Andwhyareyouso
calm,
don’ty
ouunderst
andt
heser
iousnessoft
his
sit
uat
ion?
”

Iscoff,“i
fwewer ebot hmessedupl i
key outhen
whowoul ddot hethi
nking? ”Ican’tsaytheot her
thi
ngIwast hinki
ngofsay i
ng,ImeanIdon’ tknow
thi
sDi nganiperson,yeahhemayknowhi m buthe
hasnot hingtodowi thmeandIdon’ tf
eel anythi
ng
abouthi sdeath–Idi dn’tevenknowheexi stedand
wasal iv
e.ButIunder standSi mbonga’spai nandI
feelsorryforhim buthecan’ texpectmet ogetall
workedupaboutsomeoneIdi dn'tevenknow.

Heistrul
yamess, Idon’
tthi
nkhi
smindiswor
king
st
rai
ghtrightnowbecauseiti
sobvi
ousandi
tisri
ght
i
nfrontofhim.

“Youcouldjustdr
ivet
her
eSi
mba!
”Isayandhe
stopspacing.
“Whatdidyouj
ustcal
lme?
”ist
hatasmi
l
ethatIsee
onhisface?

Idon’tsayany thi
ngandhechar gesf orme, andpins
meont hecar.Hel ooksatme, deepinsidemyey es
l
ikehei ssearchingforsomet hingwi thasmi l
eon
hisface.Idon'tknowwher eIgott heideatocallhim
that,i
tjustsli
ppedoutbutIt hinkitistherightpet
namef orhi m,Imeanhecal lsme‘ Buggie’because
ofmyey esandIhat eit
.Hedeser vesapetname
thatwillmatchhim, i
talsodoesn’ tfallf
arfrom his
nameandhei sahumanv ersi
onofSi mba–wi t
h
thatsoftandt enderheartofhis–andheappearal l
bigandst rongbutdeepi nsi
dehei sasof t
y .

“
Simba,
”Isayagai
nandgi
ggl
e.

Hesmileswi derandstar
tsti
ckl
ingme.Idon’tknow
whatmor ehewant sbecauseIhavesai
ditthree
t
imesalready .“
stop!
”Isayandhedoes.It
houghtI
wasthechildishonebetweenthetwoofusbut
l
ooksli
kemychi
l
dishnessisrubbingoffonhi
m as
wel
l.It
akeaf
ewdeepbr eat
hst ocalm down.

“I
fIgobackt otheAcademy ,t
hereisnowayIam
goingt ocomeoutagai n–atleastnottoday,
”Itel
l
hi
m af terhehadsuggest edthatIcomewi thhim.
Yeahi tisalongdr i
vefrom heretoJoburgandhe
doesn’twantt otravelal
one.Ialsowanttogowi th
hi
m, i
twon’tbeundert hebestci r
cumstancesbutit
wil
l beagoodr oadtri
pandwecoul duseittobond.

“Ar
ey ousur
eNomaguguwon’ thaveaproblem wit
h
i
t?”heasks, pushi
ngbackthestri
deofhairthatwas
onmyf ace,
that’
sanotherthi
ngIhavelearnedabout
himt hathedoesn'tl
i
keitwhenmyhai riscoveri
ng
myf ace,notevenbyonst r
ide.

“
Whatshedoesn'
tknowwon’
tki
l
lher
.”

Ipl
annedt
oleav
etheAcademyonTuesdayt
ogo
homef ort
heholidays,theothergi
rlshadal readyl
eft
andt here’
sonlyaf ewofust hatareleft.Iwill
have
tocallNoziphoandl etherknowaboutt his
unplannedt r
ip,
Iknowshei sgoingfli
pbutt hisismy
chancet oli
veoutsideNomagugu’ shol d.Ibucklemy
seatbeltandhest art
sthecar–IhopeIwon' tregr
et
thi
s.
Ut
hando:
Twent
yTwo

Si
mbonga

Alotofpeopl eat tendedt hememor ial

,ev erythi
ng
hadt obedonef astsohi sfamilycouldgett obury
him soonsi ncehedi edinat r
agicway–hewasshot
twiceonhi schest .Thebul let
swentst r
aighti ntohis
hear t
,nothingcoul dsav ehim sohedi edont he
scene, ri
ghtout sidet hegat eofhiswor kpl ace.The
hij
ackt ookpl acei nbr oadday l
ightwi t
hpeopl e
wat chi
ngbutnoonehasbeenar r
estedy et–noone
sawt heirfacessi ncet heywerewear i
ngbal aclavas,
notev enthesecur itycamer ascoul dshowwho
thosemenwer e.Myhear taches,Ihav elostagood
fri
end, afatherandapar t
ner.

Hi
schil
drenhandleditbet
terthanIthought
,evenhis
wi
feisnotsuchamess.Wel lknowingNdoni,Iknow
t
hatsheisafight
er,ahotheadedwomanIhav eever
met.Ri
ghtnowshei sbusyprepari
ngf oodf
orthe
guests,Idon’ tknowwhyshewoul dn'
tlether
relat
iveshandl et hatandshesi t
sdownt omour n.
Sheev ent ookI nganat hi
withher,shemustbedoi ng
thedishesorcooki ngsomet hi
ngt hereinthekitchen.
Shehasbeenal otofhelp,Ndoni saidsot oo,si
nce
wecameher eshehasbeenwi ll
ingt ohelpandIam
gladIbr oughtheral ongthoughIcoul dn'
tstand
Ndoni ’
sconst antnudgewhenev erInganathientered
theroom.Shel i
kesherandt hi
nksIshoul dputar ing
oni t
,Itoldheri tist oosoonandherwor dswer e,“it
’s
beent woy ear s,getonwi thyourlife–Kwando
needsamot her.”

Idon’
tknowwher eshegotthatfrom,tr
ustmeI
knowt hatIneedawomani nmyl i
fe,apart
nerwho
i
sher etost aybutIdon’twantawomanwhowi ll
repl
aceSi sanda–shecanbegoodf orKwando
becauselikeIsai dIwantawomanwhoi sgoingto
staywithmef ortherestofmylif
e.Zobuhle’
swor ds
aresti
llri
nginginmyhead, “
dowhati sbestforhi
m” ,
thati
sar emi nderthatIdon’
tli
veformy sel
fbutfor
Kwandoaswel landwhateverdecisi
onImakewi ll
aff
ecthimt oo.SowhenIdecidetopropose–we
aregoingtodoi tt
oget
her.If
eelataponmy
shoulderandit'
sNdoni
,shepull
smeont hesi
deand
whispers,

“Shei
sint
hebathr
oom,”Ilookatherconf
usedand
shenodst
owardsthepassage.

Isighandl ef
thert her e.Noonegoespastt he
passageorupt hest airs,Ndoni madesureoft hat
andnotev enmanyofherr elat
ivesareprov i
ded
muchf reedom tor oam ar oundt hehouse.Idon’ t
knowwhybutIam def i
nitelynotgetti
nginv olvedin
familyfeuds.Shehadbeencompl aini
ngabouthow
greedybutst ingyheri n-l
awsar e,t
hereisal way s
somet hingaboutt hei n-l
awsandIdon’ tknowi fIam
readyt odeal witht hatdr ama.Iam hopi ngand
crossingf i
ngerst hatIdon’ tgetsnobsasi n- l
awsor
witchesbecausehey ,Iwon’ tsurvi
ve–I ’
dt akemy
wifeandson, andwe’ dgol iveinMar sIt
ell you,I
l
ov emyl i
fepeacef ul andt hat ’
swhyIdon’ tgo
aroundatt
ract
ingt
roubl
eformysel
f.I
nganat
himust
bereall
ygoodtogetapassfr
om Ndonitobethi
s
deepinthehouse.

Iknockonthedoorandi
topensr
eal
l
yfast
,Iam
shocked.

“Ar
eyouokay?”Iask,
suppr
essi
ngmyshock, how
cansheopenthedoorli
ket
hatwit
houtchecki
ng
whoiti
sfi
rst
?

“Yeah,”shesay sonalowtone.Iopenmymout hto

saysomet hi
ngbutsheshutsmeup, “Iam f
inereal
ly,
Ijustwant edtogetawayfr
om theuglycousinswho
hav espit
tingvenom ev
erysecondtheygot.
”She
sighs,fi
xingherdressonelastt
ime.

“
Wecanl
eav
eify
ouwant
.”
“Noi
t’
sfi
ne,
Iwi
l
lfi
nishwi
tht
hedi
shest
henwecan
go.
”

Iletherbeandaccompani edhert ot heki t

chen.She
i
sr eal l
ydealingwi thalot,Icant ellbyt helookson
theirfacest hatt hey ’
dhaveal ottosayonceIt ur n
myback–t ypical rur
alpeopl e.They ’dev engossi p
aboutpl at
es, cupsanddi shcl oths, anythingt okeep
theirmout hsr unning.Peopl ear eleav i
ngandNdoni
i
sshowi ngthem out ,Di
ngani neverreallyhadf riends,
nonet hatIknowof–sot hepeopl ewhower eher e
wer ehi sassoci atesandf ami ly.Ther ewasal ott hat
wepl annedt odo, hewasal sost i
llhelpingmef ind
myf eetasacoachandwi t hhi m nowgoneIdon’ t
knowwher ethatput sme.ImeanIam her ebecause
ofhi m, Iwasgoi ngt omakei tbecauseofhi s
undy ingsuppor tandIwasgoi ngt oreachf arplaces
withhi m bymysi de.

“
Heisnotgone-
gone,hei
swatchi
ngovery
ouandhe
woul
dn'
thaveputyouwher
eyouarei
fhedidn’
t
beli
eveyoucoul dmakei t
,”shesays,l
ookingatme.
“Andwhoknowsmay behei ssi
tti
nginthebackseat
ri
ghtnow,li
steningtoy oucomplaini
ngabouthow
muchy ou’
remi ssinghim,”shesaysthatandIlaugh
becausethatisjustcrazy.

“
Idon’
tdoubtt
hatf
orasecondandmaybeIshould
i
nvi
tehi
mt osl
eeponmybedsincenowhecan,”her
f
acefal
lsandnowi
t’
smyt i
metolaughev
enharder.

Iam dri
vingust omyhousenow, atlastthedayi s
overandwegett orelax.Itwassuchanunpl anned
tri
pthatshedidn’thav eany thi
ngt owearf orthe
funer
alandwehadt ogoshoppi ngf oradress.And
unli
kemostgi rl
s,shet ookt hef i
rstbl ackdressthat
shesawandf i
ttedher .Thesamewi ththebasic
cosmetics,shemadei tlookeasyl ikeshehaddone
i
tbeforeandwhenIaskedshesai d,“iti
snotabout
thequali
ty,i
t’
sabouthav ingi t
.”Iwast akenbythose
wordsbecausei tshowswhatki ndofaper sonsheis.
SameasZobuhl e,bothoft hem j ustamazemewi th
howmucht
heyaredownt oear
th,
mat ur
edand
l
ovi
ng–don’
tfor
getun-
judgemental
.

“
ThankGod,f
inall
ywearehome.
”Sheget
soutof
t
hecarandIf
ollowher
.

“
Didyoujustcal
li
t‘home’
?”Icl
osemydoorandl
ock
t
hecar.

Shelooksatmewiththosebi
geyes,Idon’tt
hinkshe
real
i
sedit.“
Uhyeah,i
t’
syourhomesot hatmakesit
mine,
”shesaysmakingherwayinsi
dethehouse.

Shesaysitli
keitdoesn’
tmeanany thi
ngbuttome
thati
ssomet hi
ng–Imeansheseesahomet hat
hasmei nit
,Imeanhome- homeherhomel i
keinthe
futur
ekindofhome.Youknowt hehomebui l
tbytwo
peoplewholoveeachother?–Ihav econfusedyou
evenmor esolet’
snotgeti
nt oi
tfur
therthanthat
becauseImightconfusemy sel
fandlosethe
meani
ngofwhatshej
ustsai
d.

“Si
mba,”Il
ookatherandshebusyremovi
ngher
shoes.“
Doy out
hinkhedi
edbecauseitwashi
s
day?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”Ir
emovet
hejacketIwas
weari
ng,t
hrewitont
opoft
hebedandstepped
cl
osertoher.

“Imeanmay bei
twasn'tahi
jack‘t
hatwentwrong’
may besomeonewantedhim dead,
”shesaysand
putsherhandsonmyar ms.

TrustmeIneverthoughtofitli
kethat,
Ididn’tev
en
knowDinganihadenemi esthatwouldwantt okil
l
him.Yes,hewasgood–goodatwhathedi dbutit
wasn’tt
hatdeepandi fhehadsomet hingthat
worri
edhimthenhewoul d'
vetol
dme.Iam t heone
whoshouldbewor ri
edsinceIstil
lhavethat
Nomaguguwoman’sthreat
shangingov ermyhead.
Maybehisf
amil
ykil
l
edhi mforhi
si nsur
ancemoney,
youknowshowpeoplecangetcrazyovermoney
t
hatdoesn’
tbel
ongtothem.

“Haveyoubeenl
ist
eni
ngtothosecousi
nsy
ouwer
e
cooki
ngwithint
hekit
chen?
”

“Well
thati
st heonl
yinter
est
ingthi
ngtheysai
dandI
al
sogav ei
tsomet hought–hisdeathwastoomuch
ofacoinci
denceandf r
om whatIheardfr
om you
abouthim,hewasagoodmansomay besomeone
sawitasar easont
otakehim out.
”

“
Andgai
nwhataf
tert
hat
?”

“
Idon’
tknow,
”sheshr
ugs.

“
Idi
dn’
tknowy
ouhadi
tiny
out
opl
aydet
ect
ive,
”I
smi
l
eandshehi
tsmeont
hechest
.

“Ha-
hav er
yfunnySi
mba,cont
inuel
aughi
ngatme,
”
shetr
iestogetawayfr
om mebutIputheri
n.

“Areyousulki
ngnow?”Iaskcopy ingherpout ,she
alwaysdoesthatwhenshedoesn' tgetherwaywi t
h
me.“Doy ouwantmet okissitbetter
?”Ikissheron
thenoseandshesmi l
es.“Getti
ngbet t
eralready,
whereelseshouldIki
ssyou?”Ikissheronbot h
cheeks,shesmil
eswider–Iwentdownt okissher
onherneckandshegi ggl
es,shyingawayf rom me
butmyhol donherwaistwasf i
rm soshewasn’ t
goinganywhere.

Anotherkissonherneck,thenonherj awl
ineandI
rai
sedmyheadt olookather.Thoseinnocenteyes,
thatmakemedr owninthem eachtimeIlookint
o
them –wher ehasshebeenal lmylif
ebecausethis
i
showI ’vealwayswantedtof eel
.Thatexcit
ement
pumpinginsideme, t
hatadrenali
nerushshegives
meeacht i
meshegi gglesandt hewaymybody
heatsupunderhert ouch.Ileancloserandt akeher
l
ips,andsheki ssesmeback.Iam soeagert ohave
hercloserthansheisrightnow.Ipul lherclosert
o
mebutshei snotcloseenough, herl
ipsar esosoft
againstmineandIwantmor eofher.Ikissher
harderandshemoansi nsidemymout h.

Ipul
l
edoutandshegaspsf
orai
r.

Itdoesn'
ttakememor et hanasecondt okissher
again,t
histi
mewi thmor ehungerandi tget si
ntense
butshekeepsup.Herdr essslidedownt oherankles
andherskinfeelssmoot hundermyhands.Webot h
workonmyshi r
tandt hattell
smeshewant smeas
muchasIwanther .Sher eachesthebedand
coll
apsesoni t
,lay
ingonherback.Sheget sshyasI
l
ookatherandIgetont opofherbef oreshecould
thi
nkIam beingcr eepybutwhocanbl amemewhen
sheissobeaut i
fulandIcanf eelmypar tnerincri
me
getti
ngmor eandmor eexcit
ed.Ikissher,onherlips,
t
rail
eddowntoherneckasIuncli
ppedherbraandI
r
aisedmyeyestolookdownonherbreathi
ng
t
hroughherpar
tedli
ps–beauti
ful.

“
Umuhl
e,
”It
ell
her
.

“
Thanky
ou,
”shesay
sandswal
l
ows.
Ismi l
edandwenti ntoki ssheragai n.Herpant i
es
comeoutf l
yi
ngwi t
hherhol dingherbr eath, she
hasn’tsaidany thingnorst oppedmesowenton
downt ocomef acet ofacewi thhersacr edpl ace–I
pause.Il ookupt oherandherchesti sheav ing
alr
eady ,Ilookati tagain–IknowIhav en'tseenal l
vaginasofal lthewomenoutt herebutonet hi ngI
knowi st hattheyar en’
tsupposet olookl i
ket his.
Shecl osesherl egsf asterthanIcoul dblink.Iwent
uptoherandt earswer ewel l
inginherey es.Idon’ t
gettosayany thingbef oretheyt r
ailoutoft hecor ner
ofherey es.
“
Inganat
hi?
”
Ut
hando:
Twent
yThr
ee

I
nganat
hi

Thesi lencei nt hi
sr oom i sget ti
ngheav yonme.I
canhearpeopl et alkingout sidebutt her oom wear e
i
ni squi et,hei slooki ngaheadt ot heempt ychai rin
frontofus–wear ewai t
ingf orDrBoy eswhoi sa
Gy naecol ogistandwear eher ebecausehei nsisted.
Af t
erwhathappenedl astnightIdon’ tthinkIwant
any oneel set olookdownt her e,Iam al readysel f-
consci ousaboutmybodysoIdon’ tneedt ofeel
wor set hanIal readyf eel
.Hewascl earlyscar edof f
byhowi tlooked, Icoul dtellbyt helookonhi sf ace
thathewasal readyj udgi ngme–Idon’ tknowhowi t
l
ooksbecauseIhav enev erbot heredt ol ookbuthi s
facet oldmet hati tisbad.

Whatev
erhehadstart
ed,
wedi dn’
tfi
nishitbecauseI
wasnolongeri
nthemoodandhewascl earl
yov eri
t
t
oo.Ievensl
eptint
heguestbedroom butIdon’t
thi
nkIsl eptbecauseIcr iedforhoursandt henext
thi
ngIf eltwasat aponmyshoul der.Ilookedupand
hewasl ookingdownonme, thenhesai d,“
getup
andgetr eady–wear egoingt oseeadoct or.
”It
wasn’ tupf ordiscussionandhel ef
tmet ogetready.
Afterget ti
ngready ,
Itr
iedarguingbuthehear dnone
ofitandbecauseIdi dn’twantt obedr aggedoutof
thehouse, If
inallygavei nandnowwear ehere.I
don’tknowhowt ofeelbutanxietyov erweighsallthe
emot ionsIam f eel i
ng.SuddenlyIregr etcomingher e,
i
fIdi dn’tcomet hennoneoft hiswoul d'vehappened.

Thedooropensandawhi t
emi ddl e-agedwoman
walksin,IguessthatisDrBoy es, Idon’tknowhow
tofeelwithherbeingfemale,may beamal edoctor
would'vebeenbetterbutSimbongawasal so
horri
fi
edbyi tsoIdon’tt
hinkitmakesmuchofa
diff
erenceifthedoctori
smal eorf emale.Butthe
thoughtofhav i
ngaf emal
el ookingatmedownt here
givesmecr eeps,Ihadafemal et ouchingmedown
thereandlookwher eIendedup.IknowSi mbonga
wouldn'thavehurtmesot hat’swhyapar tofme
pr
efer
samal
edoct
orr
ightnow.

“WhatcanIdotohelpyou?”sheasksaft
erwehave
exchangedgr
eeti
ngs.Shehasawar m,welcomi
ng
smilebutt
hatdoesn'
tmakemer elax,
notbyonebi
t.

Simbongashif
tsonhi schai
randlooksatme,Idon’
t
knowwhywear eheresohedoesn'thavet
olookat
me–hebet terstar
texplai
ninghi
mselfastowhywe
areher
e.

“Somethinghappened,
”hesayslooki
ngatmeand
notatthedoctori
nf r
ontofhi
m whoistheone
wait
ingforananswerbutheturnstoherbef
ore
conti
nuing,“
Idon’
tknowwhatitisbutsomethi
ngi
s
defi
nit
elynotri
ght.
”

“Okay,
”sher
epl
iescl
ear
lywanti
ngtoknowmore
detai
l
sbefor
ewegoon, Idon’
tknowwhyhei
s
mumbl i
ngwhenhecoul
djustsayit
.
Wer
emai
nsi
l
entf
oramomentort
wo.

“Hervagi
nai
sscar
red–t her
eIsai
dit
!”hesi
ghs
sharpl
yandmyheartski
psabeat.

Thedoct orisl ookingatmenowl ikeI’

daddany thi
ng
onwhathehasj ustsai dbutIhavenot hingtosay
becauseIdi dn’ tknow.Andaf t
eraf ewseconds, she
nodsmor et oher selfthantous.Idon’ tknowhowt o
feelbutmyhear tachesandIf eel li
kecr yi
ngbutI
fi
ghtmyt earsback.Shet el
l
sSimbongat oexcuse
usandwear el eftalone–Ican’ tlookather ,thi
sis
soembar r assing.“ Letmehav eal ookt henwecan
goonf rom t here,”IhearhersayandInodabsent l
y.I
couldopenmyl egsf orNomaguguandf orhim soI
canopent hem f orhert oo.ShetouchesmeandIget
awayf rom hert ouch, “
Iam nother etohur tyou,Iwi
ll
onlylook.”Inodagai nandshedi sappear sin
betweenmyl egs.
Idon’ tholdbackt het ear snow, Ijustl
etthem flow
freelyandaf teraf ewmi nutesshesay sshei sdone,
andIcoul ddr essup.I tf eltl
ikeadayandhal fwhen
i
twasj ustaf ewmi nutes.Shedi sposest heglov es,
goest oherdeskandst artswr i
ti
ngsomet hi
ngdown.
OnceIwasdone, Iwentt oherdeskandshest ood
upt ocal l
Si mbongaaf tercheckingwi thmei fI
want edhimt hereornot ;heistheonewhobr ought
usher esoy eahIwant edhi mt here.Eventhoughi t
mi ghtnotf eelli
kei t
,butIknowt hathemeanswel l
thoughIam angr yIdon’ tknowi fit'
sathim,atmeor
atsomeoneel se.

“Youwereright,
”shesaysl
ookingatSimbonga.“Her
vulv
alooksscarredandhervaginal
canalt
issues
havealsosuffer
edthesamet r
auma.”

Idropmyeyesandst
art
edfi
ddl
i
ngwithmyf
inger
s,I
can’tl
ookuporst
opt
hetear
sfr
om f
lowi
ngoutof
myey es.
“
Whathappened?
”

“Idon’
tknowdoctorbutIswearIhavenevertouched
her,weweregoi
nggetintoitl
astnightandthati
s
whenIcameacross–t his.
”

“Inganathi?
”IhearhercallmynamebutIcan’ tl
ook
up, notnow.“ I
’dhav
esaidy ourboy
fri
endheremight
hav epenetratedyoutooroughandcausedthe
tear i
ngbutthatisnotthecasesothere’
sonlyone
ot herthi
ngthatremains–hav eyoubeenrapedor
someonef orcedyoutodosomet hi
ngy oudi
dn’t
wantt odo?”sheasks,cal
ml y.

Ikeepmyheaddownasmor etearsfel
louttomy
handsandtomylap.Simbongatookmyhand,
squeezedi
tandIsni
ffl
edbutstil
ldidn’
tsayanyt
hing.

“Whenyouarer
eadyt
otal
k,hereisthenumberof
ourhi
ghl
yrecommendedt
herapistandyoucancal
l
i
natanyti
meoftheday.
”Idon’
tgettoevenseethe
car
dbutSi
mbongatookitf
rom herandt
hankedher.

Wel eav eaftershegav eusapr escriptionofwhatI

shouldappl ydownt heret ogetr idoft hescar s.I
t
wasn' tpainful soIdidn'tev enknowt heywer ethere.
Simbongadr ivesinsilencet othephar macy–whatI
thoughtwoul dbeaper fectget awayhast urnedout
tobeahor rorexper i
ence.Thi svaginaseemst o
bringmemor eheartachet hanl i
feev erdid.It
’sli
keit
carri
essomesor tofcur sebecauseev enNomagugu
couldn' tstayawayf r
om i t,shecal l
edi tsweet ,a
honey pott hatshekeptdi ppi ngherdi ldoinandt he
biggert hebet ter.She’dshov eitasf arasshe
want edi ttogoandnotasf arasitsupposet o–t ear
ornot ear–she’ dcomebackf ormor e.

Thatpainsheputmet hroughmademer esenther,

I
evenstart
edhati
nghav i
ngt hatf
ronthol
ebutI
coul
dn'tgetri
dofitanditwasanot hert
hingthat
keptmei ntheAcademyf orthi
slongsoIguessI
needittoguar anteemypl aceintheteam.Hedr ives
strai
ghttothehouseaf t
erstoppingatthepharmacy
andIdidn’tbot hert ogowithhim, healsodi
dn’t
forcemet o.Iwi shIcoul dscrubitoff
,getri
doft he
painandt hei magesoft hoseev entsfr
om myhead.I
feelsuf
focat ed, l
ikether
e’stooli
ttler
oom thatcan
fi
llsomucht hati sgoingoninmymi nd.Thepainat
thethoughtt hatIam damagedi sunbearable.He
parksont hedr i
vewayandIgetoutoft hecar,
headinginsidet hehouse.

“Iam sorr
y,”hesay scomingtosi
tnextt
omeont he
sofa.“Ir
eall
ydidn’tmeant ot
alkl
i
kethatoractout
l
ikethat,i
t’
sjustthatIwasshockedbecauseIhave
neverseenany t
hingliket
hat.
”

Idon’trepl
ynorlookathi
m.Forthelastfew
seconds, myeyeswentdrysoIdon’
thav eanymore
tear
st ocry–may bemybodyisstil
lrechar
gingand
thedayhasn’tendedsoIknowIwillcrysomemor e.
“Canwepl easetalkaboutthi
s?”hesoundssincere,
verysof
tanddar ing.“Pl
easetalktome,Iwon’tj
udge
youorthi
nkl essofy ou,
youwi l
lsti
ll
bethesame
I
nganathiImetandknow. ”Hetakesmyhandi nto
hisandsay s,“
Wer eyoureall
yraped?”

Ifeelangerbrewinginsi
demeatt hement i
onofthat
word, “don’
tyougetit?!
”Isnap,standi
ngupt omy
feetandheshoot supt ostandaswel l
.“Awoman
can’trapeanotherwoman! ”Isayandhegasps; and
thatiswhenIr eal
isedIhadalreadysaidtoomuch.

Irantoandupt hestairs,downt hepassageandi nt

o
theguestbedr oom thatIhadoccupi edtheni ght
before.Iturnedt hekeyt ol ockthedoorandatt hat
momenthest artedknocki ng.Isteppedbackwi th
tearsrunningdownmyf ace–mybodyhasf ul
ly
chargedandIcoul dcr yt i
l
l thenextdaysi nceIhav e
start
edalr eady.Het urnst hehandleandr eal
ised
thatIhavel ockedt hedoort henhest ar
tedbangi ng
onit,“I
nganat hi,
”hecal ledoutbutIdi dn’treply.I
rev
erseduntil
thebackofmyl
egstouchedtheedge
ofthebedandIcoll
apsedoni
t.“
Pleaseletmein
anddon’tshutmeout,
”hesai
dquiet
ly.

Icryf orawhi l
e,sobbingandcl ingingontomychest
asIf eltitclosingin.“I
nganat hi
,
”hei sstil
lthere.Isat
thereandt ookdeepbr eaths.Myl egsfeelheav y,
weakandt heyar etremblingasIputonef ooti n
frontoft heot her,walkingtowar dsthedoor .Iturn
thekeyandt hedooropensbef or eIcoul
dr eachf or
thehandl e.Hepul l
smet ohischestandhol dsme
reall
yt i
ghtl i
kehi sli
fedependedoni t
.Ij
ustl etitout
andcr i
edonhi schest,inhisarms.“ That'
sitcr yital
l
outanddon’ tworry–shei sgoingt opayfort his,
”he
saysandIknowt hathemeanti t.
Ut
hando:
Twent
yFour

Si
mbonga

Beforewegotont her oadl eadi ngtoDur ban,I

decidedtodr i
v etoTi na’sof f
iceandshewasgl adto
maket imef orus.IknowDrBoy eshad
recommendedanot hert herapi stforInganat hibutI
hav eknownTi naf ortwoy earsnowandwear enot
hereforInganat hibutf orme.I nganathi suggest ed
thatshe’dwai toutsidewhi leIwenti nsidebutI
wasn’tgoi ngt odot hisal one, shehadt obet hereso
Idraggedheri nsidet heof fi
cewi t
hme.Wesatdown
ont hecouchacr ossTi na,Ihadal r
eadybr i
efedher
aboutther easonwhyIwant edhert omaket imef or
thi
ssessi onandshewashappyt ohol dmyhand
throughit.

“
ThereasonwhyIam i nDurbanisfortherapeuti
c
r
easons,ever
ythi
ngthatIhavebeendoi ngthatside
i
spartofther
apy,
”Isaidandinvolunt
aril
ypointedto
Ti
na.

I
nganat
hishi
ft
sonherseatandr
emai
nedqui
etf
ora
moment.

“
SoIam al
sopar
tofy
ourheal
i
ngpr
ocess?
”she
l
ooksbet
weenmeandTi
na.

Idon’
tgetwhatshemeantatf
ir
stbuti
tqui
ckl
y
cl
icksaf
terafewseconds.

“No,noy
ou’
renot
.Youarepartofmyli
fe.
”It
akeher
handandpl
acedourent
winedhandsonmylap.

“
Whydoy
ouat
tendt
her
apyi
nthef
ir
stpl
ace?
”

Ir
aisedmyey estoTi
nabutsher
emai
nedquiet
.
Yeah,Isai
dshe’dhol
dmyhandandnott
hatshe’
d
dot hetalkingformebutt hisishar derthanIthought.
Openi ngupaboutt hi
sishardbutIhav etodoi t.She
i
sal sohav ingahar dti
meatopeni ngaboutwhat
happenedt oher,shehasn’ttoldmeany thi
ngabout
whov i
ctimizedherorhowl ongi thasbeengoi ngon.
Iknowt hatiti
sawomanandmymi ndhasalready
pointedt ooneper sonthatIknowwoul dbecapabl e
ofsuch.Thet houghtofher,justmakesmecr inge
andIam v eryangrybutthatisnoti mpor t
antri
ght
now.Iwantt oshowI nganathithatt al
kinghel
ps, I
am her etohelpandshemustknowt hatshei
snot
alone.

“I
-Iwas..
.raped,”Ii
nhal
edsharply.“
Iwasfi
rst
assault
edbymycoachat11y earsoldandthen
anotheroner apedmeat15, notoncebuttwice.
”I
exhaledjustassharpasIhadi nhal
ed.

Ther oom fal

l
ssil
entandtheai
rbecomesthick.She
hasn’tyankedherhandoffmi
neandatthethought
thatshetight
enshergri
ponmyhand.Iturnedto
l
ookatherandshehadtearyey
es.Sheisworki
ng
real
l
yhardtofi
ghtbackhert
ears,
sheshakesher
headandsnif
fl
es.

“Ti
nahasbeenhel pingmesi ncethetraumagotout
ofhand,”Ilookedupt oTinabeforeIcontinued, “
I
couldn’
tlookatKwandof ormor ethan2mi nute
wit
houtget ti
ngaboner .I
tjusthappenedinv ol
untar
y
notthatIwasf ant
asizingabouthim orfeltsexually
att
ractedtohim butmybodyj usthadami ndofits
own.”

“Had?”sheaskswi
tharaspyvoiceandt
ear
s
str
eamingdownherface.Ti
nahandsmeaboxof
ti
ssuesandIpassi
ttoInganat
hi.

“
Ihaven'tseenhiminthemonthsIhav
espentaway
f
rom homesoIdon’ tknowhowmybodywoul d
r
eactifIam aroundhi
m agai
n.”
“
Sothatexplai
nswhyy outwoar enotcl
oseorhav
e
a‘
normal’f
atherandsonrelat
ionshi
p?”

“
Yes,
”Inodt
oherandshebl
owshernose.

“Youcoul dcall i
taf ather-soni ncestthoughwi t
h
Simbongai tiscausedbyhi straumat i
cexperience
whenhewasgr owi ngupandi tisnotadesi retobe
sexuallyintimat ewi thhisson, ”Tinaspeaksupand
continuest oexpl ain.“Traumacanl eadust oactin
diff
erentway sf rom ot herpeopl eeveni fwe
experiencet hesamet raumat i
cexper i
ence–j ustl
ike
forexampl ewhent het raumacoul daf f
ectyounow
butwi thSi mbongai tcouldbel aterinli
ke10ormor e
yearslater–wear eal ldifferent.WhatSi mbongadi d
wasanhonour abl ethingt odobecausebasedont he
stats,father-soni ncestar ethel eastreport
ed
i
ncident sandSi mbongacameher ebeforehecould
i
ncest uousl yabusehi sson. ”

I
nganat
hii
sst
il
ll
ooki
ngatmewi
tht
ear
yey
es,
iti
sa
l
ottot akei ngivenwhatshewentt hroughaswel l
butIam gl adIgott hroughwithitandnowshe
knowst hatIunderstandhowshef eelsmorethan
anyonebecauseIhav ebeeninhershoesandt heyfit
perfectlybecausewewer ebothassaul tedbypeople
wet rusted.Thepeopl ewel ookedupt oandwer e
supposedt oprotectus.Theyusedt heirpower
againstusandnotoncedi dtheythinkhowt heir
acti
onswoul daf f
ectus–t hatisjusthowsel f
ish
theyar e.Iremembert hatdaylikeitwasy est
erday
butIam sur ehedoesn’ tr
ememberandhasmov ed
ontot henextormor eboy stov i
cti
mize.

Icouldn'
tmakeanyoft hetwomenwhomol ested
mepaybutIsur edowantI nganat
hitogetj ustice–
shedeservesitandsoi stherestofeveryonewho
fel
lvict
im oft
hethousandper petr
ator
swel ivewi t
h.
Shet ol
dmeev eryt
hingonourwaybackt oDur ban,
mei nsi
sti
ngweseeTi nahelpedbecauseshewas
abletoopenupt omeaf t
erthatandweusedt hose
hoursdriv
ingbacktalkingaboutherexperience–
whatsickensmet hemosti sthefactthatSHEbr oke
hervi
rginit
y!Thatnearl
ypushedmeov ert
heedge, I
coul
dn'tevendriveandIneededaf ul
lgoodhourt o
cal
m down.I fsheweret hereIwould'
vekill
edher!I
wanthert opaythough,Iwanthert ofeelexact
ly
whatshemadeI nganathifeeldur
ingthosetimes
shemol estedherandthati swhywear eherein
fr
ontoft hepoli
cestati
on.

Wehav ejustf i
ledthecaseandt omysur pri
set he
officerwhoat tendedtouswasr atherhel pful,
he
didn'tridicul
eusorany thingliket hatandt heyhav e
alreadysentoutat eam tot akeNomagugui nfor
quest i
oni ng.DrBoy eshel pedusal otbygi vinga
copyoft heexami nati
onr esultsaf t
erweconsul ted
herandshewashappyt ol earnt hatInganat hi f
inal
ly
spokeupandweopenedacaseagai nstt hat
monst er.NowIgetwhyshehel dher selfsohi ghly
bot hinandout sidethefieldort hef actt hatshewas
over protecti
v eoverherteam t houghIdon’ t
under standi fshewasaf raidthatt hey’dt el
lonheror
they ’
dl eaveherf orsomet hing‘ better’
.Thewhol e
i
deaoft hatwoman’ sexistencej ustmakesmesi ck.
Wewai tedt oseehercomei n,Ihav etolookatherin
theeyewhensheget sinsidet hest at
ion–
handcuffed!Shehast oknowt hatshei snotGod,
neverhav eandnev erwillbe.Icat chagl impseofa
famil
iarfaceont hesidemi rr
orandIqui ckl
ygetout
ofthecar, I
nganathifol
lowsaf terme.I ti
sherbut
sheisnoti nhandcuffs.Ifeel angerbr ewinginsi
de
meatt hesi ghtofherface, shet urnstolook
towardsmydi r
ecti
onandshel ooksj ustasangry.

“
Whyisshenoti
nhandcuf
fs?
”Iaskt
heof
fi
cerwho
i
sbehi
ndher.

“
Youshouldgoandpl aywit
hyourpeersboy ,hetoo
i
sundermypay rol
landangekeazwengawe, ”she
l
ooksatmel ikeshei sr
eadytospi
tonmyf acebut
t
hatfacequicklydi
sappearsandsheislookingov er
myshouldernow.“ Ihaveal
waysknowny ouhad
youreyesonmygi rlsMasukuandwenai tdidn’
ttake
youasecondt oopeny ourl
egsforhi
m? !
”she
di
rect
sthel
astpar
ttoI
nganat
hiwhoi
sst
andi
ng
behi
ndme.

“Don'
tpi
ssmeoffmoret
hanIam Nomagugu.Not
every
oneisl
i
key
ou!”

“
Ohboyyoudon’tknowwhatyouhavegot
ten
y
our
selfi
nto,
”sheshakesher
,scanni
ngmefrom t
op
t
obott
om thentothet
opagain.

“Unli
kehim –“Ipoi
nttot
heoffi
cerwhoshewas
unafrai
dtosaywasonherpay r
oll
andhet oodi dn’
t
botherdenyi
ngit,
“–Iam notaf
rai
dofy ou.”Isay
taki
ngaf ewstepstowar
dsherandIfeelInganathi
’s
handspulli
ngmeback.

“
Ncncncy oushouldbescaredboy,
thi
sismy
t
err
it
oryandIwi l
lbedr i
vi
ngoutbef
oreyoucoul
d
r
everseoutofthatparki
ngspot.
”
Ichuckl
ebi tt
erlyandtookanothersteptowardsher
,
Inganat
hi workstwiceashar dtopullbeback,“
your
dayhascomemagogoandoncey oustepinsi
dethat
doorthere’snowayy ouar ecomingoutscot-f
ree–I
madesur eoft hat!
”Ipointtoherfacewithsomuch
angerli
keIwasgoi ngtopunchher .

“Simbonga, ”hersweetv oicecallsoutbehindmeas

shepul l
smeback.Idon’ tt hi
nksheshoul dbecauseI
wantt okillthiswomant henI ’
dsleepwel lknowing
thatthewor ldi sonelessofamol est
erthatisnot
evenapol oget i
cf orr
uini
ngot herpeople'
slives–she
deservest ogot ohell
andt hepolicecell
wi l
lprovi
de
mor ecomf or tthanshedeser ves.

“
Theyar
ewait
ingforusinsi
de,
”theoff
icerpul
l
sher
t
othesi
debutsheisnotdonetal
king.

“Don'
tthinkthi
sisov
erSimbongaMasuku,
oncet hi
s
i
sov erIam comingfory
ouandevery
thi
ngthatyou
have–makemywor ds–y ouaregoi
ngtopayfor
thi
s,”shesay
sthatandt
heoff
icerpul
lshert
othe
entr
anceofthepoli
cest
ati
onandInganat
hipul
l
sme
tothecar.

•
•
•

I
nganat
hi

Isigh,si
tt
ingont opofmybed.Whoknewt hatit
’d
takejustonet r
iptoJoburgf ormyl i
fetotakesucha
huget ur
n?Ittooksomanyt urnsIdon’ tevenknow
wher eIam going.Il
ookar oundt hesmal l
room that
hast wosinglebedsandIr emembert hefirstdayI
cameher e.Thewar m welcomeIgotf rom
Nomagugu, notknowingthatshei sawol fina
sheep’sclot
hingandt henanot herwarm wel comeI
gotfrom Nozipho.Iwasv erycaut i
ouswi t
hher
becauseIdidn’twanttogett ooat t
achedt ohert hen
onedayIwakeupandshei sgone.Butasti
mewent
byIletmyguar ddownandlearntmoreabouther
andherintent
ionsforourr
elat
ionshi
p–Ifounda
si
sterinher.

ThedooropensandIj ump,thi
nki
ngthatImightbe
rel
ivi
ngthehorroragainwhichwastoosoon
consider
ingwhereshei sri
ghtnowbutitisnother
,it
i
sNozi pho.Iam surpr
isedandshockedtoseeher
herebecauseshei ssupposedtohavegonehome
alr
eady.

“Youareback,
”shesays,walki
ngfurt
herint
othe
room.Sheisdrenchedi
nsweatandIguesscor r
ectl
y
thatshehadbeenoutforheraft
ernoonjog–sheis
afitf
anat
icandshenevergetsti
redevenIcan’
tkeep
upwi t
hher.

“Yeah,
”Isayi
nal owtone.“Whyareyousti
l
lhere?
”I
ask.TheAcademyisli
teral
l
yempt ysi
nceever
yone
hasgonehome, Ionl
ysawt hecl
eanersi
nthehall
s
andnowher,andIam gl
adi
tist
hisemptybecause
i
twould’
vebeenabigthi
ngnowifthegi
rl
swerehere
whenthepol
icecametogetNomagugu.

“Iam leavi
ngt omor row,Ihadt
oseey oubeforeIgo
soy ou’dfi
llmei nonwhatexact l
yyouweret hi
nki
ng
wheny ouleftforJohannesbur
gwi t
houtevena
toothbrush.”Shesi t
sonherbedandl ooksatme.
“Wear eleav i
ngt omorrowsoyoubetterst
arttal
ki
ng
girl
,
”shesay swithsomuchur gency.

“
Iam notl
eav
ing,
”Idr
opmyey
est
omyhands.

“
Why
?”

Shoul
dItell
her
?Butsheismorethanaf
ri
endand
shewil
lfi
ndoutabouti
tanywayso..
.

“
Nomaguguhasbeenar
rest
ed.
”Theyt
ookheri
nfor
quest
ioni
ngbuti
tasamediff
erenceasbei
ng
arr
est
ed,shei
nthepol
icest
ati
onangisho.

“What?”shei
sonherfeetinseconds.“Wait.
..
howdo
youknowandwhydoy oulooksoguilt
yInganathi
Obennebo?”sheasks,
walkingtowardsmeandI
l
ookupt oheralr
eadyfeel
i
ngt hetear
sfil
li
ngmy
eyes.

“Heknows,”Ibur
sti
ntotearsandsherushest
omy
side.“
Heknowswhatshedi dtome, t
ousandhegot
met oopenacaseagainsther.
”Isayandshepul
l
s
mei nforasi
dehug.

Shecomf or t
smewi thoutsayingawor d,Idon’t
knowi fshe’sangr yornotthatItoldSi mbongaabout
whatwewentt hroughbutIdon’tr egretitandifshe
i
sangr ythent hatisherproblem.Foral ongt i
meI
thoughtwhatshedi dtomewasj ustsomet hi
ng
mor ethanpuni shmentconsideringt hepai nandthat
nooneev erdidsomet hingli
kethatt omebef orebut
Ihav enev erconsideredi tasrape.Sheisawoman
soshecoul dn'thaver apedme–awomancan’ trape
anot herwoman–t hatist hesti
gmaIgr ewupwith,
notknowi ngt hatIwasbei ngledtobelievi
ng
nonsense.I ’dhav ediedi nsil
ence,causedbythat
kindofabusebecauset hesocietysaidsuchdoesn't
existandi fithappenedt heniti
snotwhaty outhink
i
ti s–Ir epeat,itdoesn’texist,j
ustli
kehowt hey
hav esaidamancannotber apedoraf emalecan’t
rapeaman.

Ihearhersniff
leandIlookupt omeethertearyeyes.
Ihughertightl
yandwecr yi
neachot her
’sar
ms.We
havekil
ledthewor ldwit
hourownhands, wehav e
noonet oblamebutour selv
es.Peoplemustalways
remembert hat,j
ustbecauseithasnothappenedto
youorsomeonecl osetoyouthenthatdoesn’
tmean
i
tisnothappeni ng.

“
Shewassweet,shemademanypromisestome–
manyt
hatshehasful
fi
ll
edandsomethatshei
syet
tofulfi
l.WhenIquest ionedherorwhenIsai dno, she
saidshei sawomanofpower ,
sheknowspeopl e
whoknowpeopl ewhohav eafri
endthatwon’t
hesitat
et otakemeouti fIopenmymout handt ell
anyoneaboutwhathappenedbet weenus,”she
sniff
lesandshi f
tsabi tbeforesheconti
nued, “
at
fi
rstitwasbad, li
key ourkindofbadbutast ime
wentonIchoset oaccepti tbecauseevenifI
want edtotellonherwhowoul d'v
ebeenwi ll
i
ngt o
l
istentome.Shei sawomansoshei snotcapabl e
ofmol esti
nganot herpersonletaloneanother
woman. ”

Ishi
ftfrom her
,get
ti
ngoutofherar
mssoIcanl
ook
ather.Shewipeshertear
sawaywit
hbot
hhands
andexhales.

“Therewasthisconstantfeari
nmeev eryti
meI
thoughtofspeaki
ngoutbutIwasmor eashamed.
ThenIfoundoutt hatshedidittoyout
oo,”she
burstsi
ntotearsagain,“
IthoughtIwasprotect
ing
y
ouwhenIsai
ddon’
ttel
lSi
mbongaabouti
t.I
t
hought–”

“Shhh,
”Isai
d,pul
l
inghert
omychestandembr
aced
her.

“IthurtsI nganathiandi t'

snotphy sicalpai
n,ithurt
s
from wi thin.Imean...”sher ai
sesherheadsoshe
canl ookatme, “
..
.whyme?Whyy ouort henextgirl
andwhydi dshedoi tinthef i
rstplace?Wasi tso
i
mpor tantt ohertomakeusmor ev ulner
ablethan
wewer e, tocontrolusl i
kewear emer etoyswi t
hno
feelingsanduseussoshe’ dr eachherpeakof
pleasur e?”shedoesn’ tholdbackanyofhert ears,
shel etst hem rundownhercheeksl i
keshehasbeen
l
ongi ngt odot his,tov entasmuchandl oudasshe
wi shedwi t
houtfeeli
ngashamedoraf rai
d.

Ireal
l
ydon’tknowwhatNomagugu’sreasonswer
e
butshedeservest
obeinthathel
lhol
eandIwish
hernothi
ngbutthewor
st.
“Ihat
eher,
”shesay
s,wi
pinghernosewi
tht
heback
ofherhand.

“
Ihat
ehert
oo.
”
Ut
hando:
Twent
yFi
ve

Nomagugu

Thewar dercomest ot hehol dingcell,“Nomagugu

Mt het hwa, youhav eav isitor,
”heannouncesandt he
l
adyoft hemomentst andsupandwal kstothegate.
Ther e’snot hingmor et hatshehat est hanbeing
treatedl iketherestoft hepeopl ewhensheshoul d
beaddr essedwi thr espect .Shedi dn’tevengetbai l
becauseI nganathiwasn’ ttheonl yonewhoopeneda
caseofassaul tagainsther ,
therear emor epeople
whohav ecomef orwar d–nonameswer egivenbut
thedet ectivehandli
ngt hecaset oldheri nherface
thatt heyhav eenoughev idencet okeepheri nhere
forthel ongesttime.Shecoul dn'
tbr i
behi m because
hei snewatt hestationandy oucoul dsmel lhi
s
deter mi nati
onanddedi cat i
ont ohisjobf i
vemet r
es
awayf r
om hi m.Itstinksl ikeadeadf i
sh.

Ev
ent
her
estoft
heof
fi
cer
shav
elostr
espectf
orher
,
l
iket hiswar derwhoi spul l
ingheroutoft hecel l
li
ke
therewasnoev entint hisl
ifeti
mewher ehebowed
toher ,mout hing‘ bosslady’or‘Gabadiya’.Shel ooks
athim andcl i
ckshert ongue–heri mageand
reputat i
onamount stonot hinginthi
shol e.She
betterf i
ndawayt ogetoutoft hispl
acebef oreshe
l
osesher selfaswel l,i
tisgoodt hattheot her
i
nmat esknowt hei rplacebutitwon’tst aylikethatif
thechar gesst ickandshe’ dbet r
ansferredt oamor e
cruel placewher epeopl eli
keherdon’ tcomeout
ali
veandi fshei sl uckyenoughshe’ dcomeoutas
anempt yshel l,t
hecel lwouldbecomeabet terplace
thant ost epout sideandgobackt othel i
feshewas
usedt oknow.

Sheissur pr
isedtolear nthatthewar derisnot
l
eadinghert othev i
sitors’hal
lbutout sidethe
buil
dingthroughthebackdoor .Shehasn’ trecei
ved
anyvisit
orsuntil
nowandi t’
snotlikeshecanexpect
anyonet ocomev isither.Herassociat esare
probablythi
nkingitisbestt heyplayfarawayf r
om
hersinceshe’dtainttheirreputat
ions, notknowing
thattheyhav etheirownskelet
onsburieddeep
i
nsidet hei
rclosetsbutiftheyweretobeuncov ered,
aprisoncel lwouldbeasmal lpri
cetopay .They
walkpastt heparkinglotandtoasecludedar eathat
peopledon’ tgettoseeunlesstheyarelookingf orit
i
npar ticul
ar.Therestandsaman, heisfacingt he
otherwaybutatt hesoundoffootst
epsappr oaching,
heturnst olookbackandNomagugu’ sli
pscur li
nto
asmi le.

“
Myman, ”shesayssoundi
ngi
mpr essedbywhathe
j
ustpull
edoff.Ri
ghther
eandr
ightnowt heycoul
d
j
umpt hefenceandnoonewouldknow.Who
woul
d'veknownthathe’
dcomethroughforherin
t
ought i
mesliket
his?

Shestepscloser,t
hemanpuf f
shisci
garet
teand
thr
owsawaywhati sleftofi
t.Henodstothewar der
,
“Youcanleaveherwithmeanddon’ tworryIwon’t
all
owhertojumpt hef ence,
”hemouthsand
Nomagugu’sf acefal
l
s.Thewar derl
eavesthem and
di
sappear
saroundthecor
nertheyjustcamefrom
af
tert
hemanhadt oldhi
mt ocheckthecoastand
al
ertt
hem i
fneeded.

“Youar ei nsomedeepshi t.Howt hehelldidy ouget

here? ”themanasks, lookingdirectl
yather .Shewas
i
nhandcuf fsandshel ookednot hingli
ket he
Nomaguguhemet .Thewomanhemetwoul dn'
tbe
heret obegi nningwith,shewoul dn'tev
engotasf ar
ascomi ngi nforquest i
oning–shewassupposedt o
tal
ki toutwi ththedet ecti
vehandl i
ngthecaseand
he’dhav ethrowt hedamnf il
eintothebin,bur nitor
bettery et,eati
tforsupper .Thisisthelastt hinghe
expect edt osee,shel ooksweak!

“Lies.Youknowme, Idon’
tdoshitli
ket hat–Iwas
framedandt hatboySi mbongai
si nittoo,”shehuffs
andmakessur ethatshedoesn'
tmakeey econtact
wi t
hhim atal
lcosts.Hemaybey oungbuthei s
muchmor ecapableofwor set
hingst hatshecan
nev erthi
nkofdoing–hei saheartl
essbast ard.
“
Thereisalotofev
idenceagai
nstyouanditdoesn'
t
l
ookli
keit’
sbasedonlies–ist
heresomethingyou
wantt
ot el
lme?”

Shel ooksuptohim andchucklesbit

ter
ly,“
Don't
patroniseme,Itol
dIknownot hingaboutit
.He
probablypai
dt hem goodmoneyandf il
ledthei
r
headswi tht
hisnonsense.Ift
hereisanyonewho
shouldbeher e–it’
shim,Iam awomanandhowt he
hellwouldIrapethosegir
ls?”

“Youtellme,”hesay
sst i
lllooki
ngatherwi th
suspici
on.Heknowst hatshei slying.Nomagugu
cli
ckshertongueandat temptst oleavebuthepulls
herback.“Fi
ne.Ibel
ievey ou.It
’sjust.
..y
ouknowhow
Ifeelaboutpeopl
eexploiti
ngot herpeopl eandone
ofthosegirl
scould’
vebeenmysi ster
,”heargues,
tryi
ngtojusti
fyhi
sactions.

“Wel
li
tisnotonme,
”sheshr
ugshi
shandof
fher
arm.
“
Iknow.
”

“
Ican’
twaittogetoutoft
hispl
aceandputanendt
o
t
hisnonsense.
”

“Youbet t
ernotbet hi
nkingofwhatIt hi
nkyouar e
thi
nkingbecausey ouknowv erywellthatIdon’
t
wanthi m dead.Ifany thi
ng,Iwanthi mtosuffer–get
ri
dofev eryonet hatisapi l
lartohim, onebyoneand
soonhewi l
lfal
l onhisknees, beggingmef ormer cy
–hemessedupmyl ifeandIam goi ngtomessup
hisbuthewon’ tbel uckyt histimebecauseIpl ant o
destroyhim.”Hesoundsangr yasmuchashel ooks.
There’salotofhi st
or ybetweenhi m andSi mbonga
butev enti
llt
ot hisdayNomagugust il
ldoesn’
tknow
thereasonbehi ndhi sangerorv engeance.

“Youareall
tal
kandnoact ion,
”shesaysandsucks
thr
oughherteet
h.Hei salwayspreachi
ngthesame
verse,
“Iwanthi
mt osuffer,
Iwanthimtosuffer
”but
Simbongaisoutther
esippingoncocktail
s,
cel
ebr
ati
ngherdownf
all
.

“
IfIam allt
alkandnoact
iont
henwher
eisDingani
Mavuso?”Nomagugushootsherey
estohi
m andhe
i
ssmirking.

“Noy oudidn'
t,
”shegaspsandhedoesn' trepl
ybut
i
nst eadhelaughsoutloud.“Yousickbastard,
”she
kickshim ontheleg,herhandsarebehindherback
sot her
e’snowayt heycouldhighfiv
eatt hi
s.Sohe
i
st heonewhoki ll
edDi ngani
?

“Don'teverunder est i
matemeandt hatwasnot hing
compar edt owhatIwantt odot ohi m.”Hei saman
withapl an,shecanseei tandifshest ickswithhim,
hecoul dav engef orbothofthem andt here’s
nothingmor ethatshei syearni
ngt oseet han
Simbongaget ti
ngwhathedeser ves.Shesawi tthe
fi
rstdayt heymett hathewast roubleandhewas
outtodot hemost ;andhehasdonei tbutisondo
l
iyaji
kajika–t omor rowwill
behi sday .
“Youdi dn'ttell
mey ouwer eoutofrehab,”shesay s
eyeinghi m.Hehasl ostal otofweight,t
hatthing
near l
ykill
edhi m andhi scar eerisi
nshambl es
becauseoft hatpowderhewasst uffi
nginhisnose
everysecondt hingsdi dn’tgohiswayandi twas
l
iterall
yev erysecondbecauseSi mbonga’ssuccess
wasl ikeat horni nhisbut t.AndSimbongawast oo
good, het ookev eryoppor tunit
ythatwasi nfrontof
him wi t
houtt hinkingtwi ceandwhat everhetouched
turnedt ogol d–andhi m ont heotherhand,henev er
gotpastt opl ayingfort henat i
onalteam.
“Ithasn’tbeenforlong,”heislooki
ngaheadandt he
thoughtoft hatplacejustmakeshi m cr
inge.“
Hei s
seriousl
ygoi ngtopayf orthattoo,
”hepausef ora
secondbef or
econt i
nuing,“y
ousaidhei stheone
whoshoul dbeher e–howmuchdoy ouknow? ”he
asks, t
urningtolookather .

“Iknowjustagir
lthatwi
llbewi
ll
ingt
otal
kin
exchangeforanorgasm andagoodbagofcash.
”
Shesmi r
ksandhenods.
•
•
•

Si
mbonga

Ifeelwellrested,Ievenov er
sleptt
hati sj usthow
muchIenj oy edmysl eepandIam l ooki ngf orwardto
today'
sday .Ihav en’
tf eltsomuchal ivei nal ong
ti
me, Idon’tknowwhatmyi nsti
nctistel l
ingmebutI
am defini
telylookingf orwardtosomet hing–good
orbad–Iwantt oseei t
.Igotoutofbedandheaded
totheshowerr eall
yqui ck.Thingsaregoi ngj ustthe
wayIwant edt hem sinceNomaguguwasdeni edbail,
Iwon’tthankt hejusticesy stem j
ustyetbecauseshe
i
snotdecl aredgui lt
yasy etandshei snotsent enced
butthereisnowayshei sgoingtogetoutoft his.I
meanherwhol eteam ar eherv i
cti
msandeachone
ofthem openedacaseagai nsther.Wor set he
#met ooandthe#Nomagugumustfal
list
rendi
ngon
socialmedi
a,andthesoccercommit
teewants
nothingt
odowi t
hher.

Theyev enclosedt heAcademy–t hatisjusthow

badt hingsar elookingf orherbutIwon’ tcountmy
chicksbef oretheyhat ch–Iwantt oseet hist hr
ough,
whenshei sf i
nall
yt hrowni nherdesi gnatedcel lthen
onlythenwoul dIcel ebrateherdownf al l
.Knowi ng
thekindofi nfluenceshehas, t
hemoneyshehas
andev er y
onehast heirpricesoshemi ghtjustpay
herwayoutoft hisandIdon’ tthi
nkshe’ dmi nd
l
eav i
ngj ailwithnocenti nherpocket s–she’ ddo
anythingt ogetoutoft here.Aftergettingdr essed,I
descendeddownt hestairswi t
hmyphonei nmy
handandi tri
ngsj ustasIent erthekitchen.I ti
s
Zobuhl esoIanswerr ealquick.

“Si
mbonga,
”shebreathsinshar
plybefor
e
conti
nui
ng,
“thi
sisbad,l
ikereal
l
y-r
eall
ybad,
”she
exhal
eswit
hpanic.
“
W-What
?Issomet
hingwr
ong?
”

“Theywrotesomethi
ngaboutyouonsomet abl
oid
onli
ne–Iam goingtosendyoualinkr
ightnow,
”she
sayswithsomuchurgencyandshehangsupbef or
e
Icouldsayanyt
hingt
orepl
ytoher.

Andasqui cklyasshesai dshe’ dsendt hel i

nk, at ext
comest hroughf r
om herandIcl i
ckont hel ink–
bang!‘Femal efoot ballplay ersfal
lv i
ctiminspor ts’,
theyputapi ctureofmyt eam ont hear t
icleandt hey
evenaddedashoul derlengt hpictureofmeont he
side–cl earlyt oshowt heirreaderswhoi st he
perpetratorthatt heyar erepor t
ingaboutont he
arti
cle.Theyhav ewr itt
enal otofthingsaboutme,
myhi storyinspor twhi chi ssomet hi
ngev er yone
knowsbutt heyputi tinli
ghtj usttopat r
oni zeme
andwhatat tractedmyat tent i
onist hement ionof
thatIam at tendingt herapybecauseIwasr aped
whenIwasst i
llanaspi ri
ngf ootballplayer–i ti
snot
aliebuthowt hehel ldidtheygett heirhandsont hat
i
nfor
mation?!I
tgoesontosaythatt
hetherapyi
s
j
ustafr
ont,Iam noti
naheali
ngprocessbutIam
st
il
li
nsportforrev
enge.

Theyal sosuspectt hatbei ngher einDur ban

coachi ngaf emal eteam i ssomepl oytogetmy
revenge–i fmycoachcoul dr apemeandgetaway
withi tt henwhywoul dn'tIwantt odot hesamet hing
tosomebodyel se.Itisalsoofaquest i
onabl e
coincidencet hatIam coachi ngaf emal et eam;
wher eapl ay erascr iedv i
ct im ofr apebynoneot her
thanSi mbongaMasuku, theydi dn’ tment i
onaname
topr ot ectthei dent i
tyoft hev i
ctim butt heev i
dence
theyhav ei
ssubst ant i
al.Ican’ tbel i
ev ethis!Theyar e
pleadi ngwi tht hepol icedepar tmentt oinv esti
gate
furtheri ntot hismat terast heybel iev ethatt he
playeri sn’ttheonl yone.Thi sonet akest hel ast
straw–If ramedNomagugubecauseshewasgoi ng
toexposemeandsendi nghert ojail f
ort hesame
crimeasmi newasmywayofshut tingherup.
Whatt
hehel
l
!
Idon’treadt her estoft henonsenset heywr ote
there,Iam f umi ngwi thangerandmyhear tis
beatingfast–Iwantt oki l
lsomeone.Whoi st he
vict
im any waywhenI ’
venev ert ouchedany one
i
nappr opriatel y?Itakemycarkey sandleftt he
house.Ot herr eport ershav estar t
edbl owingmy
phone, probabl ywant i
ngmet ocommentort hey
wantt ofishf ormor enewst oreporton.Thesoccer
commi t
teewi llbecal l
ingsoont oo–“ damny ou
Nomagugu! ”Isay ,hitt
ingthest eeri
ngwheel asI
driv
et oKwaMashu.Whoev ert hev i
cti
mi s, they
bettersayi ttomyf ace–If eelbet r
ayed–t hereis
nothingthathur tsthemostt hanbei ngfalsel y
accusedofsomet hingandr ightnowIdon’ tev en
knowwhatIam goi ngt odo.

Iarri
veatthef i
eld,
thewholet eam isalr
eadyt here
andwehav eguests.Igetoutofmycarandt he
report
ersarethef i
rstonestor untome, theyare
fl
ashingcamer asinmyf ace,screamingout
questionsatthesamet imeandIshi eldmyf acewi th
myhands, runningtowardsmyof f
ice.Theyar eli
ke
pest
s.Igettomyof fi
cebutIdon’ tgett ocloset he
doorbecausethegirl
sarebehi ndme.Theof fi
ceis
toosmallforal
lofust ofi
tinsot hef ewt hatcould
geti
n,gotin.Theydon’tl
ookangr y ,
theyl ooksad
andtheyarelooki
ngatmewi theyesf i
l
ledwi thpit
y.
Zobuhleappearstoointhecr owdandhonest lyI
don’
tknowwhatt osay ,t
her eporter
sar eher etoo
ri
ghtatthebackpeeringinandwai t
ingt ohearwhat
Iwil
lsay.

“
Weknowy oudidn’
tdoi
t,
”Ishootmyeyesupto
t
hem,Idon’
tknowwhosaidbutthevoi
cecamefrom
t
hecrowdinfr
ontofme.Isi
gh,f
uri
ousl
yrubbi
ngmy
f
ace.

“MrMasuku,
wehavequest
ionst
hatneedanswer
s!”
oneoft
herepor
ter
sshout
s.

“Ar
ereal
lyavi
cti
m ofr
ape?”anothershoot
stome
bef
oreIcoul
danswerthef
irstquest
ion.
“
Arey
ouaper
pet
rat
or,
sir
?”

“Ladi
es,whatdoyouhavetosayaboutt
he
all
egat
ionsagai
nstyourcoach?
”

“
Aret
heaccusat
ionst
rue?
”

“
MrMasukudi dyougetthisjoboutofmeritory
ou
wer
einitwitht
helat
eDi nganiMavusoinyourplan
t
ogetrevengeagai
nstthesoccercommi t
tee?”

“I
sittr
uet
hatyoudon’
thaveacer
ti
fi
cat
ein
coachi
ngbuty
ouarehere?
”

Iexhalesharpl
y.Thesequestionsaremakingme
dizzyandhoworwhi chquest
ionwi l
lIanswerfi
rst
?I
wasr i
ghtaboutcall
ingthem pests.Theyarefi
ghti
ng
togettheirwaytothef r
ontofthecrowdnowandI
don’thaveenergyforthi
s.Ial
sohav emyown
quest
ionsandthi
sissomethi
ngIdon’
twantt
odeal
wit
hrightnow.Wherei
sDingani
whenIneedhim?

“Theywon’tl
eav
euntilyouanswert hei
rquest
ionsor
atl
eastsaysomethi
ngtoy ourdefence,
”Zobuhle
speaksupandtheyall
nodi nagreement.

Itookinanotherdeepbr
eathandsteppedtowards
them.Theyletmet hr
oughbutbefor
eIstepoutof
theoffi
ceIreali
sedsomethi
ng,“
Zobuhle,wher
eis
Sli
ndil
e?”
Ut
hando:
Twent
ySi
x

I
nganat
hi

Whent heycl osedtheAcademywehadnochoi ce

buttol eave.Icouldn'tgohome, notwhenIam
feel
ingl i
ket hisandIdon’ tknowhowI ’
dexpl aint he
wholet hingt omypar ents,soNozi phot ookmei n.
Wear einherhome, inHibberdener i
ghtdownt he
southcoastofKZN.Youcanseet hebeachf rom
hereandno, i
t’
snotoneoft hosemoder nsubur bs
i
t’sactuallyjustasmal ltownf i
ll
edwi t
hpeopl ewho
arewor kingr eall
yhardt ogetthrought heday .If
you’
reposht henyou’dcallthem poor.Wear e
sharingherr oom whi chshewasshar ingwi thher
cousinbutsi nceIam her ethecousinissl eepingon
thecouch–t he‘tr
eattheguestspeci al’tendenci es
areonanot herlevelinthishousehold–si ncefr om
thedayIcameher eIhaven’tevenwashedmyown
plat
ebecauseNozi pho’smot herwon’tl etme.
“Youdon’
thavetol
eaveyouknowt hatri
ght?”she
ti
lt
sherheaduptogetabetterv
iewofmeasIpack
someofmyclothesbackint
omysui tcase.

“IknowbutSimbonganeedsmer i
ghtnow,”Isighas
IrememberwhatIr eadonl
inetheotherday.IfI
didn’
tknowSimbongaIwoul d'
vebeliev
edev eryt
hing
theywrotebecausewhoeverwroteitwasreally
creati
veanddidn’
tleaveaspaceforthereaderto
doubttheaccusati
ons.

“Andy oumisshim,soit’
dbelikehitt
ingtwobirds
withonestone,huh?”shesays,wiggli
ngher
eyebrowsandt henIknewshe’sthinkingabout
nonsenseagain.

“Iseeyouar
eacti
ngcr
azyagai
n,”Izi
pthesui
tcase
andplacedi
tdownonthef
loor
.

IknowNozi
pho’
smot
herwi
l
lbesadt
oseemel
eav
e
butIthi
nkIhav eov erstayedmywel comeev enthe
cousinisnotenjoy i
ngsl eepingont hecouch
anymore.Icouldseebyt hegr umpyf aceshegav e
meev erymor ni
ngandi tsnof unbecauseshehast o
wakeupear l
ytoo.Fr om her eIam goi ngto
Simbonga’shouse, heof f
eredf ormet ostaywith
hi
m whenwewer eev i
ctedfrom theAcademybutI
saidno,itall
lookedsowr ongt ostaywi t
hhi m but
nowIam ki ndoff orcedt obecl osertohi m.Ican’t
i
magi newhathemustbegoi ngthroughandi ti
sno
doubtthatthiswhol ethingi soneofNomagugu’ s
masterpieces.

“I
tlooksl
ikeyourboyfr
iendistr
endingagai
n.”Il
ook
uptoherandshei sscrol
li
ngonherphoneandI
heaveanothersi
ghaskingmy sel
f‘whatnow?’.

Icrawledont hebedtosi
tbesidesherandshe
handsov erthephonetome.Itisapostundert
he
#met oothreadandthi
spersonsayssheisoneof
Simbonga’sv i
cti
ms.Shegoesont osaythathe
didn’tdoi toncebutr api dlyaf tershehadt oldhi
mt o
stop, shecoul dn'
tspeakoutbecauseSi mbongais
seenasasai ntintheout sidewor l
dandnoone
woul d’v ebeli
ev edher .Hei samonst er,hedamaged
herandshewant sjust ice–notonl yf orhersel
fbut
forev er yothergirlthathadbeenv ictimizedbyher
coach.I thasbeenani ght mar eandat r
aumat i
c
exper iencef orher ,sheadv isesev eryonewhowas
mol est edorassaul tedt oj oinhermov ementand
openacaseagai nstSi mbonga–l ikeshehaddone!I
holdmybr eat handwentt ov iewherpr ofi
lephoto.I
knowherbecauseIhav eseenherf aceamongstt he
girl
sofSi mbonga’ st eam.

Howcansomeonebesodumbandpostsuchl ies
aboutapersonwhodideveryt
hingtolevelthem up,
opendoorsfornewopportuni
ti
esforthem andbe
thei
rpi
ll
ar–wor sesheusedherrealprofi
l
e!

“Ihav
etogotoDur
ban–now! ”Isay
,thr
owingher
phoneonherl
apandgotoutofthebedtoputonmy
shoes.

Itakemysl ingbagandheadedt ot hedoor ,thereis

nowayIam goi ngt otakethoseheav ysuitcases
withmer ightnow.Nozi phor unsaf termeaski ngme
howIam goi ngt ogett oDurban, Idon’ tknowandI
don'tcareev eni fIhavetohiket hensobei tbut
whatIknowi sIwi l
lgettoDur ban.Nozi pho’smot her
i
snoti nt heki tchenoranyot herpar tsoft hehouse
soIguessIwi l
lhav etoleavewi t
houtseei ngher .
Noziphoi sf ollowingmear oundl i
kesomesi ck
puppy .Mychesti sheav i
ng,Idon'tknowwhatt o
thinkorwhatnott ot hi
nkbutIr efuset obelievet hat
Simbongai scapabl eofdoingt hethi ngsshe
accusedhi m of .IturnandIf i
ndNozi phowi t
hher
armsf oldedt oherchest–“ Justbr eat heokay !”she
signal
st heur gencyofmet obr eathewi thherhands.

Iexhal
esharpl
yandtearsjustwel
l
edinsi
demyeyes
–thisi
sallmyfaul
t.Iopenmymout htosay
somethi
ngbutsheshushesmeandgoesont o
conv ersewi t
hsomeoneont hephone.Sheaskst he
personi ftheyaregoi ngtoDur ban,obviouslythe
personsai dnoandsheaskst hem tot akemet o
Dur banthent heycont i
nuetoar gueaboutt hepet rol
moneybutf i
nall
ywhoev eritisgivesinafterNozi pho
saidt heywi l
l‘
tal
k’.Ithi
nkIknowwhatshemeansby
thatandIt rytoobj ectbutshesay shei soneofher
exessoIdon’ thavet oworryshewi llhandlehim.I
don’ tknowwher eI '
dbei fi
twasn’ tforthi
sfemal e
speci eshere,wehugandIst eppedoutoft hehouse
afterpromi si
nghert hatIwillcallwhenIgett here.

•••

Westartedathishousebutt her
ewasnoonet here
sohehadt obeher e.It hankedthedr i
verandtold
hi
mt hathecouldleav e, Iwil
lbefinefr
om hereon
andheleaves.Hereal l
yhel pedmeIdon' tknow
whereI’
dhavegot t
ent hewi ngstoflyall
theway
her
e.WhenIwal kinsidet hegateIreali
sethatthey
havebeatmet oit–t her eisapolicevanparkednext
tohiscarand...
not heycan’ tdothatt ohim.Onwhat
groundsattheyarrest inghimfor?Ir ant owardsthe
vanandt hepoli
cewer eal r
eadypushi nghi minside
withhishandscuffedbehi ndhisback.Andt here’s
someonescr eamingf orthepoli
cet ost opthis
nonsenseandbyt het imeIgettot hev an,thedoor s
areclosed–Icoul dn'tev engettoseehi m.The
personwhowasscr eami ngisZobuhl e,sheputsher
handsov erherheadast hev andri
v esawayf r
om us
andIjustdowhatIdobest–cr y.

“Wehav etoleave,wehavetogot othepolice

stati
on–cany oudri
ve?”sheasks,l
ookingatme
andIshookmyheadno.Thatmakeshermor e
frust
ratedandshecussesunderherbr eat
h.IfIknew
thesituati
onwasl ikethi
sthenIwouldhav etoldt
hat
guynott oleave.

Anoldcarpar
ksjustnextt
ousandawomancomes
out
,honest
lyIwasexpecti
nganoldmanwithapot
bel
l
yandanugl yf
acetostepoutoft
hatcarandnot
her.Zobuhl
eturnst
ot hecar
,shelooksannoyedand
angryforasecondthenshestepsforwar
dtot he
woman.Iguesssheknowsherassheaddr essesher
byherfir
stname.

“Mali
ndi
,cany
out akeustot
hepol
icest
ati
on?
”she
askswit
hsomuchur gencyi
nherv
oice,
sheeven
for
gottosay‘
please’
.

ThewomannodsandZobuhl esi gnal

sf ormet oget
i
n.TheMal indi womanwasf l
yingont her oad,I
fearedf ormyl ife–whati fthisthinglostitsbr akes
andf lewof ftot hecarscomi ngf rom theopposi te
direction?Ihel dont ighttomyseatandi twasby
God' sgr acewegott ot hepolicest at
ionst i
ll
inone
piece.Iam ser iousl
ynotget ti
ngi ntothatt hi
ngagai n.
Wer ushi nsidet hestati
onandt heofficerwho
Zobuhl espoket osaidSimbongai snotal l
owedany
visit
orsy et
.Noonei sal l
owedt oseehi m besideshis
l
awy erbutIam notl eav i
ngunt i
lIhav eseenhi m,
Zobuhl etooi sn’tl
eaving.Isi
tont hebenchwhi leshe
wenttospeakt othatMal i
ndiwoman.Zobuhl
e’
s
facehasn’tchanged,shestil
ll
ooksver
ymuchupset
andMal i
ndi i
smakingt hesit
uati
onf
armor ewor
se
bybeingher e.

Mal indihandsZobuhl easmal l

br ownenv elopeafter
theyhav eexchangedaf ewwor dsandsheopensi t
tocheckwhati sinsi de.Noonebesi desmei spay i
ng
attent i
ont owhatt heyar edoingev ent houghIcan’t
hearwhatt heyar esay ing.Zobuhleput sthe
env elopei nherbackpocketwhi l
enoddi ngt owhat
Mal indiissay ingt henj ustlikethemeet i
ngi s
adjour nedandIqui ckl ylookedaway .Malindil
eftso
shecamet ositnextt omeont hebenchandj ustas
sheset t
les, amani nanav ysui
twal ksi nwitha
bri
ef casei nhishand–Ihopehei sSi mbonga’ s
l
awy er.Theyl ethimi nwi t
hnof urtherquest i
ons
askedaf terhehadi ntroducedhi msel f
.Iam clouded
byal otofemot i
onsbutIhav ecol l
ectedsome
cour ageandst oppedcr y
ing–hei snotdead, heis
j
usti napol icecell andhei sgoingt ogetoutbef ore
theendoft heday .
Imusthavespokent oosoonbecausethelawy er
mani nanavysuitwalksoutwithanangryfaceand
Zobuhlefi
ndsherfeetinseconds,shemusthav e
thoughtheisSimbonga’slawyert
oo.Anofficer
fol
lowsoutafterhi
m, Ist
andupandwal kedupt o
offi
cer.

“
CanIseehi
m now?
”

“
Who?
”heasksabsent
ly.

“Si
mbongaMasuku,
hewasar
rest
edj
ustanhour
ago.
”

“Heisnotgetti
nganyv i
sit
ors.”Thi
smanisgett
ing
onmyner ves,Iam al
readyupsetanddeal
ingwit
ha
l
ot,andIdon’tneedhisatt
itudeinthemi
x.
“Youhav etoletherseehi m,”Zobuhle’
svoicechirps
i
nf rom behindme.Ididn'tknowshewast hatclose.
“Shei shi
swi feandisall
owedt oseeherhusbandor
wecoul dcallthestat
ioncommanderandr epor
tthis
mat tert
ohi m.You'
rev i
olati
ngourr i
ghtshere,
”I
shootmyheadt owardsherdi recti
onandshei s
damnser ious–Iswal lowhar d,tur
ningbacktolook
attheof f
icer.

“Youthinkyoucanfoolme,wher
eistheri
ngi
fsheis
thewife?”hepoi
ntstomyhands,chuckl
i
ngli
ghtl
y
andIopenmymout htosaysomethi
ngbutZobuhl
e
beatsmet oit
.

“Kukhulumaizi
nkomoi nourcul t
urebabaandar i
ng
doesn'tmeanany t
hing.Icouldsuggestwegot ot he
chieft
oaskf orconfi
rmationoftheirmarr
iagebut
wedon’ thav
et i
me.Now, ar
ey ougoingt
ol etherin
orshouldIaskfordirect
ionstothecommander ’
s
offi
ce?”
Theoffi
cer
'sfacefal
lsandhedoesn’thaveachoice
buttol
etmei n.Il
ookatZobuhlebeforesteppi
ng
i
nsidetheroom andmouthedat hankyou.Thedoor
cl
osesbehindmeandhel ooksup.I t
’sonl
ybeenan
hourbuthelooksdrai
nedalr
eady .

“Hey
,”Isaidqui
etl
yandwalkeduptohi
m.Hestood
upandwehugged.Ican’tbel
iev
ewearehere.“
Iam
sosorr
y,”Isai
dthosewordsfi
ghti
ngt
heurgetocr
y.

“I
t'
sokay,
”hebrushedmybackandhel
dmet i
ght
er
onelastt
imebefor
ewebothpull
edoutf
rom t
he
embrace.

“Whathappened?Yourlawyercameoutinsucha
hur
ry,didyouguysevengettotal
kabouthowy ou’
re
goi
ngt ogetoutofhere?”

“
No,
”heshakeshi
shead,
droppi
nghiseyest
othe
t
abl
einf
rontofhi
m.Wesitopposi
teeachot
herand
Iwai
tforhi
mt ospeakup.“
Thatbastar
dcalledme
gui
lt
y,canyoubel
ievet
hat?
”hehuffs,r
elaxi
ngback
onhischai
r.

“ButIt
houghthe’
dbeonyoursi
deasyourl
awy
er,
”
myv oi
ceisver
ylowandsof
tbuthi
ghenoughf
or
himtohearme.

“He'
snotmyl awyergoddamit!”hebangst hetabl
es
andIjump, st
artl
edbyhi soutburst.Helooksupt o
meandsi ghsdeepl y
.“Iam sorry,i
tsjustthat.
..
Iam
soangryrightnow.Myl awyercouldn'tconedown
hereatsuchnot i
cesohegothi sfri
endt otakeover
thecasebutt hatgoodfornothing–”hewasabout
tocussbuthel dhimself
.

Rightnowlooki
ngathim,Ifeelver
ymuchconv i
nced
thatheisher
ebecauseofme.Het akesmyhand
andIlookeduptohiseyes,“don’
tblameyoursel
f,”
hesaidlooki
ngstr
aightbacktome.Thedoorcr acks
openandwebot hlookup–Zobuhl ewalksin;Idon’t
knowwhatshesai dthisti
met ogetpastthatugl
y
off
icer;andwhenIturntolookatSimbonga,hisf
ace
haslitupmorethanitli
tupwhenIwal kedin.

•
•
•

Zobuhl
e

Iwalkedpasttheoldwomanwhowassi t
ting
outsi
deandintot hehousewi thoutanyper mission.
Noonecanst opmenow, Iam intoodeep.Iopen
thedoortoherr oom andwhensher ealisesthati tis
meshest andsupt oherf eetbutdoesn’ tgettosay
anywordsbecauseIsl appedheracr ossherf ace
andshelandedonherbedwhi lescreami ngint error
.
Iwanttojumponher ,t
hrowanumberofpunchesso
I’
drearr
angeherf acebutIdon' twantt ofindmy self
i
napol i
cecell
, arr
estedforassaultbecauseshe’ s
oneoft
hef astonestogotothepol
i
cebutt
hist
ime
shewentaboutitthewrongway.

“Rape,Sl
i
ndil
e?Real
ly?
”Iasktakingafewsteps
towardsher
.Sheishol
dingontohercheekandis
crawli
ngbackwardswithf
earplaster
edacr
ossher
face.

“Whyareyouherequest
ioni
ngmewheny
oucoul
d
askhi
my oursel
f?”

“Youknowhedi
dn'
tdosowhydi
dyoul
i
e?!
”I
shout
ed.

“Idi
dn’tli
e,i
t’
sthetrut
h.”Theseriousnessonher
facemakesmewantt opunchheront henosetoget
herbackt ohersenses.I
fthereisanyonewho
shouldbear r
estedhere,i
t’
sherforhoundingthe
poorguyandof feri
nghim herpussyonasi l
verpl
ate
ti
meaf terti
meev enwhenhet ell
sherno.
“Youaresick,”Ijumpedonherwi t
houtholdi
ngback
andgaveheraf ewsl apsher eandt herebutshewas
cryi
ngli
keshewasf acingdeat h.“Whydidy oudoit?
Howmuchdi dt heypay ,huh?”Ihav emyhandson
herthr
oatandshei schocki ng.Ican’tgetthepict
ure
ofSimbongabei ngpushedi ntot hatvanin
handcuff
sf orabsolutelynothingoutofmyhead.

“
Y-Youar
eki
l
li
ng.
..
me,
”shesaysbreat
hlessl
ywhi
l
e
t
ryi
ngtor
emovemyhandsf
rom herneck.

Aroughknockonthedoorj
erksmeoffherandshe
st
art
scoughing,
holdi
ngont
oherbrui
sedneck.

“Thi
sisn’
toverSl
indi
le.I
fyouv aluey ourl
if
et hen
you’
regoingtogotothepolicest at
ionfir
stthingin
themorninganddropthecharges–ot herwiseIam
comingforyou,
”Isaypoint
ingt oherandshenods.

Ihav
elostal
otofpeopl
einmyl
i
feandI
’
dbe
damnedi fIloseSi mbongat oo.It akemyshoet hat
fl
ewoutwhenIj umpedont hebedandputi ton.She
hasn’ tsai
dany thingandIseei tasagoodt hing.
Tomor rowIam def ini
telycomi ngf orherifshe
doesn' tdropthechar ges, sheknowsSi mbonga
woul dnev erdot hattoheroranyot herpersonbut
formoneyshe' dev enpr ofesst hatJesusgi vest he
bestor gasmsnx.Ir eachedf orthedoorhandl eand
heardhersay ,“
hewon’ tletthisonego, hei scomi ng
afterSimbongawi t
horwi t
houtmesoI '
dwat chmy
backi fIwer eyou.”She’ sspewi ngnonsenser i
ght
nowbecauseshe' stheonewhoshoul dwat chout
becauseev enherLoui sVui ttonbr andedv agi na
won’ tsaveherf rom me.
Ut
hando:
Twent
ySev
en

I
nganat
hi

Shewal ksinwi that rayinherhands, Igeta

disappr ov i
ngl ookf rom herasIwi pemyf acedr y
witht hesl eev eoft hesweat erthatIam wear i
ng–i t
i
sSi mbonga’ sandi tsbig–Ihav en'tbeencl oset o
himl iket hatbutImi sshim andwear inghi sclothes
makesmef eelcloset ohim.It’
sbeent woday ssince
thedayIwentt oseehi m aft
erhehadbeen
wr ongf ull
yar restedandaf t
erthatdayhesai dhe
doesn’ twantt oseemet here–t hat’swhathur t
sme
themost .Icamebackt osuppor thim buthedoesn' t
wantmeanywher ecloset ohim.Shepl acest hetray
i
nf r
ontofmeandIknowshe’ sgoi ngt oshov ethe
fooddownmyt hroat,f
orceful
ly.Shehasbeenl ike
that,y esterdayandt hedaybef oret hat,andIr egret
whyIaskedhert ocomeher e.

“
Youhav
etoeatI
nganat
hi,
”shesay
s,hol
dinga
spoonf ulofFutur
elif
eSmartFoodporri
dgeaninch
awayf rom mymout h.Atl
easti
t’
snotthebanana
fl
av ouredonesoIpl easeherbybei
ngagoodgi r
l
andopenedmymout h–shewon’tl
etmef eed
my self–t hat
’showbossyshebecomeswhenshe
haspr omot edherselft
obeingamotherofa23y ear
old.

“Iam f
inenow,”Isayaf terswal
lowingthr
eespoons
withnochancet obreathinbetween,shesighsand
dropsthespooni nsidethebowl,hergoalwasto
feedmef astenoughandasmuchasshecoul d
befor
eIcouldr egist
erthatIam ful
l.

Shehandsmeacupofbl ackr
ooibost
ea,i
ttast
es
bi
tt
ersinceshedi
dn’
tputanysugari
nit
.

“Youhavetost
opcryi
ng,youwil
lgetsi
ck,
”shehas
herhandonmyf or
ehead,t
est
inghowhighmy
temperat
urei
s–andIr ol
lmyeyes.
“
Yesma.
”It
akeanot
hersi
poft
het
ea.

“Don'tbecheekywithmeMissObenneboandy ou
bettergety
ourassoutofthatbedbeforethatgir
l
snatchesyourmanawayf r
om you.
”Shei sbackat
beingtheNoziphoIknowandIlovethissideofher
mor ethanthestr
ictmot
hershewasaf ewseconds
ago.

ItoldheraboutZobuhl
eandnowsheseesherasa
threat
.

“Shewon’
tdot
hat.
”Iplacethecupoft
eaonthet
ray
andwipedmyl
ipswit
ht hebackofmyhand.

“
Thent el
lmewhatshewasdoingher
eknowi
ngv
ery
wel
lthatSimbongai
snotar
ound?”

“
Tochecki
fIam al
ri
ght
,sheknowst
hatIam her
e
andsomay besheneededashoul dertocryon.”I
shrugandshescoffs.Shel i
kesoverthi
nki
ngt hings
andmakemedoubtev er
ythingar
oundme, i
tisgood
attimesbutnott
histimear ound–Ir ef
usetot hink
Simbongacouldhaveat hingforZobuhleeven
thoughthesi
gnsaret her
e.

Sher emai nssi lentandr eachesforthepaper sonmy

sidetor eadt hem f ort heumpt eenthti
me–Iwas
servedt hismor ningbyt hesherif
fofthecour tand
guesswhoi st hewi tnessagai nstNomagugu
Mt hethwa?Yeahy ouguessedr i
ght,Iwi l
lbe
testi
fyingagai nsther ,t
heysentt helet
t erheresince
i
ti stheaddr esswewr oteont hecasef il
ewhenI
openedt hecaseagai nstherandi ti
sagood
coincidencet hatIam squat ti
nghereunder
Simbonga’ sinst r
uct i
ons.Ev enthoughhewoul dn't
all
owmet oseehi m, hesaiditwouldmakehi mf eel
betterknowi ngt hatIam saf einhishouse.Ihat et he
feeli
ngt hatalway scr eepsoutwhenev erIthi
nk
abouthi mi nt hatpl ace–hemustbehat ingmef or
putti
nghi mint hatcel l,Imeanwhatot herreason
doeshehav
efornotal
l
owi
ngmet
oseehi
m?

“
Youar
edoi
ngi
tagai
n.”

Il
ookupandsni
ff
lewhi
l
ewi
pingt
het
ear
sonmy
cheeks.

“Don'
tworr
y,Simbongaisgoi
ngtocomeoutandwe
aregoi
ngtowor khardt
oputthatmagogoi
njai
l
whereshebelongs.
”

“Howcany oubesosurethatheisgoingtocome
outwhenthepoli
cesaytheyhaveawat erti
ghtcase
agai
nsthi
m?Andhehat esmeZi pho!”Isay,br
eaki
ng
i
ntotear
sonceagain.

“No,nohedoesn'
thatey
ouandIam goingtotel
lfor
thefi
ft
hti
met odayt
hathedoesn'
twanttoseeyou
becauseyouseei
nghiminther
ehurt
syouandy ou
keeponblamingyoursel
fsoheissav
ingy
ouf
rom
putt
ingy
ourselft
hroughthat
.”

“I
t'
snotmakinganydif
fer
encebecauseIst
il
lfeel
the
same,orisi
tworse?
”Ilookuptoherandsheis
l
ookingatmewithpit
yinherey
es.

“I
tismakingadif
ferencetrustme,”shepullsmei nto
ahugandpat smyback.“ Thisiswhatisbestforthe
twoofyouandhei sgoingt ocomeback, Iknowi t
becauseSimbacamebackf orNalainTheLi onKing
–hei syourSi
mbat oosohi sacti
onscan’tbe
dif
fer
ent,
”shepul
lsoutf r
om t heembraceandl ooks
atmewi thasmil
eonherf acebecauseIam also
smili
ng–shecanber eal
l
ycr azysomet i
mes.

“Ithi
nkit
'st
imeyoucal
ledforhel
p.”Shehasqui
ckl
y
transf
ormedtobei
ngseri
ousandIsighbecauseI
knowwhatshemeansbyt hat.
Shehandsmemyphone,Il
ookatherandsheisnot
backi
ngdownsoIt
akethephonefr
om herand
punchedi
nhi
snumber.

I
tri
ngsf
ort
hel
ongestt
imebef
oreheanswer
s.

“
Daddy
.”

•
•
•

Si
mbonga

Thewardercal
l
edmeandsai dIhaveav i
sit
or.I
don’
tknowwhoi ti
sbecauseIcl
earl
yadv i
sedthatI
don’
twanttoseeanyone–evenInganathi
.Idoubti
t
i
smypar ent
s,myfatherwoul
dwaitformycallto
sayifIwantt oseehi m ornot ,attimesIappr eciate
thatbutothertimesi t’
shardt oaskf orhelpsoI
expecthimt obet herewi t
houtmeaski nghi mt obut
thi
sismyl i
feandIhav etoli
v eit.Onceagai nIam
occupy i
ngthechai rintheinterrogat i
onr oom, the
detecti
vehandl i
ngt hecaseagai nstmebr ingsme
herethreetimesperdayt oquest i
onmeaboutt he
samet hingandIal way sgivehi mt hesameanswer .I
haven’tevenappliedf orabail hearingbecauseI
don’thaveal awyer,Itoldthem t okeept heirstate
l
awy erbecausehei snotdifferentf rom theonemy
l
awy erappointedtot akehispl ace–j ustbecauseI
am mandoesn' tmeanIam al socapabl eofr ape.

Thedooropensandat alldarkmanwal ksin.Ihave

neverseenhi m bef oreandashest epsin,Ireal
ise
thathehasabr iefcasei nhishandandIst andupto
myf eet,Idon’tknowwhybutIf eelcompel l
edto.
Thereissomet hingabouthi mthatdemandsr espect,
myt hroatfeelsdr yIcan’tevenvoi
ceoutmy
greeti
ngst ohim.Hepl aceshisbri
efcaseont he
tabl
eandst andsopposi teme.Hehasn’ tlookedat
mef ormorethant
wosecondsbutIfeel
li
kehehas
alr
eadyjudgedmeorIam t
hinki
ngtoomuchabout
thi
sencounter.

“Iam MusaObennebo, yourlawyer

,”hesayssit
ti
ng
downont hechai
ropposit
emi neandIlookathim
clearl
yconfused,
thelastti
mecheckedIdidn’thave
al awyer
.

Hehasmadehi mselfcomf ort

abl
eont hechairandI
am stil
lonmyf eet
.TobehonestIwasexpect ingto
soundl i
kethosemenf rom theNi
gerianmovies
becausehel ooksl
ikethem buthi
saccentsounds
dif
ferentandexpensi
vel i
kethesuitandwatchhei s
wearing.ThatObennebosur namesoundsfami li
ar
though.

“Iam Si
mbongaMasuku,
y ourcl
i
ent.
..
Iguess.
”
Final
l
yItakeasi
tandhelooksdir
ect
lytome.
“Di
dy outouchmydaughter?”heasksleaning
for
war dwithhi
shandsli
nked.Ishakemyhead
l
ightl
ytakenabackbyhisquesti
onbecauseIdon’
t
knowhi m sohowwouldIknowhi sdaughter?

Heseestheconf usedl ookonmyf aceandsays,

“I
nganat
hi–didy outouchher?”t
her e’
satr
aceof
angeri
nhisvoice, themandoesn'tknowmebuthas
al
readypai
ntedmeast hebadguyi nthi
sequat
ion.
Li
keIhavesaidt hesur namesoundedf ami
li
arandI
knewIhadhear di tfr
om somewher e.

“OhyoumeanBuggie,”Isaywithali
ghtchuckl
ebut
theman’
sfaceremainsstif
f.Icl
earmythroatand
composedmyself
.“Ididn’
ttouchher–Iswear.”

Heey esmeforasecondbefor eheopenshi

s
bri
efcaseandtakesoutanotepad–Iguesshewas
seri
ousabouthim bei
ngmyl awyerandri
ghtnowwe
aregetti
ngdownt obusi
nessbutImustalsopoint
outthatIam act
uall
yembarrassedtobemeetingmy
gi
rl
fr
iend'
sfat
herinj
ail
–whatabadi
mpr
essi
on–
I
nganathi
should’
vewarnedme.

“
Soar
etheaccusat
ionst
rue?
”

“
No.
”Ishakemyhead.

“Thenwhyar eyousti
ll
here?”Ishrug,howam I
supposet oknowthat–thatishisjobtofi
ndout
nowt hatheisher
ebutletmenotber udeandrui
n
thi
ngsf ormysel
f,andmakeitwor sethani
talr
eady
i
s.

“Theyhav eavi
cti
m andapparent
lyt
heevi
dencei
s
materialandIwi
llnotbeget
ti
ngoutofher
eanyti
me
soon.”Iexhal
esharply
.

Hedoesn'
tsayanyt
hingaf
tert
hatandstandsupand
headst
othedoor.Whenthedooropensheasksfor
themani nchargeofthestat
ion.Isi
tther
eoblivi
ous
ofwhatmi ghtbegoingon.Themani ncharge
comesupt ohim andheasksf orthecasefi
le.The
stat
ioncommanderi sabithesit
antbuthegiveshim
thefil
eanyway.

“Wherearethemedi calr
ecor
ds?”MrObenneboasks,
aft
ergoingthroughthepil
eofpaperswhichIt
hink
arereal
lyunnecessarybutwhoam Itobethej
udge
ofthat.

“Wecan’tshowt
hem t
oyou,
they
’ret
hest
ate'
s
evi
dence.”

“Ify
oucan’tshowmet heev i
dencer
ightherer i
ght
nowt henther
eisnothi
ngy ouhaveonmycl ientsoI
suggestyoushowmet heevi
denceoryour elease
him atthi
sverymoment .
”MrObenneboar guesand
thecommanderl ooksupsetall
ofasudden.
“Soyou'r
eheretostandwithar apist?”the
commanderisstil
lnotbackingdown.If eelanger
engulf
smeashecal l
smear apist
, Iam notoneand
neverwil
lbe,hebet
ternotstartsomet hi
nghewon’ t
fi
nish–angimsabiphela.

“
Canyoushowme,
prov
etomet
hatmycl
i
enti
sa
r
api
st?
”

Thest ati
oncommanderswal lowswhateverwor ds
hewast hi
nki
ngofsay ing,Ican’
tbeli
evetheykept
meher eknowi
ngv erywel l
thattheyhavenothing
againstme.Hehasnot hingtoshowsohesuggest s
thathewi l
lgopreparemyr el
easeforms–wow.
Nomaguguwentt hisfarjusttoputmei njai
ljustl
ike
her?Iwonderhowmuchshehasspentsof ar
becauseshe’dneedal otmor et
ogetoutofwhati s
comi ngforher
.

“I
t'
spossi
blet
heyevenpai
dyourlawyernott
oshow
hi
sface.
”ThatiswhatMrObennebosaysaswe
wal
koutt
hest
ati
on.

Ther ear ewomenwai ti

ngforusout si
de, I
nganathi
runsupt omeandt hrowsher selfatme.Di rtyasI
am, Ihugherback.Shepul lsoutandl ooksatme
wi thtear yey es,itisnodoubtt hatshehasbeen
doi ngal otofcr yingthesepastf ewday s.Ican’tdo
any thingmor et hanhuggi ngher ,herfatherishere
remember ?“Thanky oudaddy ,”shesay stoher
father.Andbyt hel ooksoft hingsshei sdaddy ’sli
tt
le
girl,nomat t
erhowol dshei sandherf atherisvery
ov erprot ectiv
eofher .Iwishhecoul dmeet
Nomagugusohe’ dmakeherpaybutIdoubt
Inganat hihast oldhi m abouthersi ncehei ssocalm
rightnow.Zobuhl eisst i
l
lstandingwher eshewas
standi ngandshei snotmov i
ng.Thef iercelookshe
i
sget tingf rom Nozi phocoul dkillher,
Idon’ tknow
whati sgoi ngbutt here’
ssomet hing.

Il
eaveInganat
hiasshecont
inuest
oconv
ersewi
th
herf
ather.
“
Wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
”

“Iam goingt oseeSli

ndi
le!
”Ical
lbackwi t
hout
turningback.IhavetoseeherandGodsav eher
befor eIgetmyhandsonherbecauseIwon’ tbehel
d
responsibleforwhatIam goi
ngtodot oher.Shewill
hav emor ereasontohavemearrestedthi
st i
me
around.

“Youcan’
tseeher,
”Zobuhl
e’
svoicemakesmestop
onmyt r
acksandItur
ntolookback.Shel
ooks
damnserious.“
Youcan’
tseeher–sheisdead!
”
Ut
hando:
Twent
yEi
ght

Shewasf oundi nthebushes, badlybruised, naked,

rapedanddeadwi thasi ngl
eshoti nt
hehead.I twas
ahorri
fyi
ngscenef orthosewhogott heref ir
st
befor
ethepol i
cecame.Att hefirstgl
ancet heyknew
whoshewasbecausenoonewoul dmissherf ace
withhowwel l-
knownshewas.Shewasev eryone’s
fri
endbecauseofherbubbl yper sonalit
y, agood
l
ookinggirlwit
ht oomuchconf i
dence–t hatmade
herpopularamongstot herthi
ngs.I twasev i
dent
enoughtosayt hatshewentt hroughal otoft rauma
befor
eshedi ed,herki l
lerorshoul dwesayherki l
lers
madesur eshesuf f
ered–t heyf orcedthemsel ves
onher,bothonherf rontandbehi nd.Wi tht he
amountofbl oodt hatwasont hescene, you’dswear
i
twasn'tpeoplebutani malswhodi dit.

Shewasl ai
dtorestontheweekendofthesame
weekherbodywasf ound.Si
mbongawast hefi
rst
suspectofhermurderbutt
hepoli
cedidn’
thave
enoughev idencet opi nt hecaseonhi m becausehe
wasi ntheircustodywhent hewholeor dealt
ook
place.Thei nv
estigat i
oni sst i
llongoing,noonehas
beenar r
estedandt herear enosuspect satthe
moment .Hermot herpr onouncedt hatSlindi
lewas
thebestdaught er, veryhumbl eandwel l-
manner ed;
andshedeser vesj usti
ce.Thepeopl emumbl ed
amongstt hemsel v essay ingt hati
snott heSlindil
e
theyknow, theonet heyknowpr obablyoffer
ed
herselft
ot heper pet r
atorsandi twastoomuchf or
hertohandl e,t
hati swhysheendedupi nthedi t
ch.

Thesoci almediaplatformsar ebuzzing,andSl i

ndil
e
i
str endi ngf oral
lthewr ongandr ightreasons.To
some, shedeser vedi tbecausesheputani nnocent
mani nj ailwhil
ecryingrape–i twast hemost
sel
fisht hinganylivi
ngper sonwoul dev erdo
becausepeopl ewhoar eactuall
yrapeddon’ toften
gett hesameat t
entionast heoneshedr ewupon
herself.Andt osome, eventhoughwhatshedi dwas
wrong, shedi dn’
tdeser vetobeki l
ledli
keanani mal
–shedeser vesj
usticeandhercasemustbel ef
t
openunti
lthepoli
cefi
ndwhoeverdi
dthattoher.I
t
wasgoodr i
ddancetosomebuthermotherlosta
daught
er.

•••

Thecour tcasecoul dnol ongerbepost poned.

Nomaguguhasbeenbuy ingt imet ogetpeopl eon
herfav ourbutitcoul dnotbeputonhol df orany
l
ongerandsot heyar eher enowi ntheHi ghCour tof
Durban.Thepeopl ecameouti nnumber s–i ti
sa
popularcasesi ncei tisoneoft hefirstthathasev er
beenr epor t
edint hehi storyoff ootbal l
.Inganathi
fi
nall
ynar r
atedev erythingt oherf ather ,f
rom the
fi
rstdayshesetherf ooti nf rontoftheMangosut hu
Femal eFoot bal
l Academybui l
dingtot het imewher e
sheopenedacaseofr apeagai nsthercoach.Mr
Obennebohadt ot aket hecasedespi tethatit’
dbe
confl
ictofi nter
est ,buthebr oughtagoodol dfr
iend
ofhist oassisthim whent hingsgett ooheat edand
hecan’ tcontrolhisemot ions.
Asoneoft hewi t
nesses, Inganathiisoccupy i
nga
seatawayf rom t heaudi enceoft hecour t.Herey es
arer oami ngar oundandwhenNomaguguappear s
upt hest airst ot akeherst andint hecour t,herhear t
star t
sbeat ingl ikeawardr um –notoncedi dshe
thinkt hey’dbeher e,wi thNomaguguhav ingt o
def endher sel fandwi t
hhert ryi
ngt odowhat ev eri
t
takest okeepheri nj ai
l.Inallhonest y,
shehasn’ t
changedf r
om t hel asttimeshesawherandshe
hasn’ tlostanywei ght ,i
fany thi
ng, i
tlooksl i
kesshe
hasgai nedwei ghti nstead–j ai
lmustber eall
yni ce
forher .Whati sgoi ngonher eisjustabr eeze, nota
stor m ast heyhopedi t
’dbe.Whent hei
rey esl ock,
Nomaguguf lashesaf akesmi l
eandwhi sper s
somet hingt oherl awy er,thelawy erturnst olook
towar dsI nganat hi
’sdi rectionandhesmi rkst oo.

Simbongast andsupbecausehesawagl i
mpseofa
famili
arfaceint hefr
ont,helookedcloselyandbang
–itishislawy erwhoisrepresenti
ngNomagugu.
“Bastar
d!”hemout hsunderhisbreat
he, cl
enchi
ng
hisjaws.Hef eelshisbodyheatingup,ri
ghtfrom t
he
ti
pofhi stoestothet ipofhi shead.I ftheywer en’ti
n
courtthenhewoul d'vechar gedf orhim already .
Mosehasal waysbeenmor ethanj ustal awy erto
him,theydev el
opedav erycloser elati
onshi pover
theyearsandhewoul drefertohi m asaf r
iendwhen
theyarenotinMose’ sof f
icediscussingwor kbutat
l
eastSi mbongadi dn’tconf i
nedinhi m.I fheknew
thatMosewoul dfli
psi desjustforast ackofcash
thenhe’dhav enevert r
ustedhi m.Thi siswhatt hey
meantwhent heysaid‘ bathandebonkekodwa
ungathembi noyedwa’ .

“Areyouokay
?”MrObenneboaskswi
thaf
rownon
hisface.

“Thati
smydamnl awyer!
”hebreat
hsout,“orshoul
d
Isaywas?”heeyeshav en’
tmovedfrom t
hem as
theycont
inuetoconverseli
keNomaguguisi ncour
t
accusedofshopl
ifti
ng.

“
Cal
m down,
youdon’
twantt
obet
hrownoutofher
e
orwor se,arr
estedfordi
sr espect
ingt
heJudge.Even
thoughIhat etosayit,
Iwi llsayi
tanyway–
Inganathineedsyouher emor et
hansheneedsme,
keept hatinmind.”Wit
ht hatsaidhetur
nedtothe
tableinfrontofhi
m andSi mbongasi
tsbackdown,
slowlybreathi
nginandout .

Zobuhl ecomesi nandscanst heroom f orSimbonga.

Sheseeshi m andgoest otakeaseatnextt ohim.
Hei shappytoseeherbuthi smi ndisonNomagugu
andMose.Nozi phoi slate,sheshoul dbeher eby
nowbutshei snot–hopef ul
lynothinghas
happenedt oher .Mor epeopl ecamei nandt her oom
becamemor enoi sy.Ther eisalargegr oupofpeopl e
outside,pr
otesti
ng–t heot herfemal eplay er
swho
openedcasesagai nstNomagugual socamei n.Iti
s
D-day ,
theyhavet ogetr idofhernomat terwhatand
theJudgebet terplayhi scardsr i
ght,andput
Nomagugui njailwher eshebel ongs.
“Al
lri
se!
”thesher
if
fscr
eamsandev
ery
onest
ands
up.
TheJudgecomesin,
sit
sdownandsi
gnal
sfor
ever
yonetosi
tdownaswell
.Thi
sisi
t.

“
Whowi
l
lber
epr
esent
ingt
hedef
endant
?”

Mosest
andsup,wit
hhi
shandr
aisedupandsay
s,“
it
i
sme,yourHonour
.”

“
Andwhowi
l
lber
epr
esent
ingt
hepl
aint
if
fs?
”

“
Me,yourWor
shi
p.”MrObenneboi
sal
readyonhi
s
f
eet
.

“Mayt heaccusedr i
sebeforet
hecour t,
”Nomagugu
standsupwi thherheadheldhigh.Thisdoesn’t
scareher,sheknowst hatshewillbeoutbutwi l
lgo
throughthi
sj ustf
ortheformal
iti
es.“Youhav ebeen
accusedofr ape,notonl
ybyonei ndivi
dualbut12
otherpeople,youhavebeenchargedwi thaggravat
e
r
ape–ar
eyouawar
eoft
hesechar
ges?
”

“
Yes,
Iam awar
e.”

“
Andhowdoy
oupl
ead?
”

“
Notgui
l
ty,
myLor
d,”shesay
swi
thnohesi
tat
ion.

Thecour troom r umbleswi thpeople'

sobj ecti
ons,
theyarev eryangr yatherpl eaanditreall
yshows
whatki ndofaper sonshei s.Aft
erthenoi sehas
dieddown, Nomagugusi tsbackdownandt hecourt
casecont inues.Mosedef endshiscli
entandMr
Obennebopoi ntsoutther easonsthecour tshould
declareNomagugugui l
ty.TheJudgei sv eryquiet,
withast r
ai ghtfaceandnoonecanr eadwhathe
mustbet hinkingbutbothsi desarereallyconvinci
ng.
Itisti
mef ort hewi t
nessest otakeast and.
Inganat
hisit
sdown, facingthepeople–herey esfal
l
onSi mbongaandhegi vesherasmal l smil
eto
assureherthatsheisdoi ngther
ightthing,
andhei s
heretosupporther.BeforeMosequest i
onsher,
Noziphowalksinandsi tsattheback.

“I
ttookyoufouryear
stoopenacaseofr
ape
againstmycl
ient
,mayIaskwhy?”

“BecauseIwasscar
ed,
”Inganat
hisayaf
tercl
ear
ing
herthroat
.

“
Scar
edofwhat
?”

“Herandwhatt hepeopl
ewouldsay ,
”shepausesf
or
asecond, “
Shehasalwaysbeeninti
midati
ngandwe
l
iveinasociet
ywher epeopl
edon’tthi
nkawoman
canrapeanotherwomansoev er
y onewouldhave
founditabsur
d.”
“
Andnowi ti
snotabsurd?
”heasksandhegetsno
r
epl
y.“MissObennebo,
didyour
eall
ythi
nkmycl i
ent
wasrapi
ngyouorsomeoneputthati
ntoyourhead?
”

“
Object
ion,
yourHonour!
”MrObenneboisonhisf
eet
i
nsecondsandMosei ssur
pri
singl
yshocked–what
i
swrongwithhim?

“Yourobj
ect
ionisover
rul
ed,
pleasecont
inueMose.
”
TheJudgeev enknowshi
sname–gr eat!

Moseisclearl
yamusedandt ur
nstol
ookat
I
nganat
hi.“Shoul
dIrepeatt
hequesti
on?
”

Sheshakesherhead, taki
nginadeepbr eath.“Ihave
neverseeni
tasr ape,i
fany t
hing,It
houghti twasa
punishment
.Iwasbei ngpunishedf orbeingme.I
thoughti
nst
eadofbeat i
ngmeshesawf orcinga
dil
dointhepl
acebet weenmyl egswasabet terway
topunishme,”shesaybr eaki
ngi nt
ot ear
sandt he
cour
texpr
essest
hei
rfeel
i
ngst
hroughnoi
seand
mumbles.

“
Didyouordi
dyounott
hinkthatshewasr
api
ng
y
ou?”Moseaskst
hequesti
onmor esl
owly
.

“
No.
”Sheshakesherheadwhi
l
esni
ff
li
ng.

“Ihavenofur
therquest
ions,yourWorshi
p,”hesays
turni
ngtot
heJudgewi thasmi leonhisf
ace.Iti
s
cleart
ohimthattheyarewinning.

Mor ewi t
nessesar ebroughtforwardandt hereisa
l
otofbackandf or t
hgoingonbet weent het wosides.
Itist hewitnesses’wordsagai nstMose’ srightnow
andt heguyi shel
lbenttoprovet hatNomagugu
didn’tf or
ceherselfonany one.Ifshedi dtoucht hem
theni twasi ntheirconsent,noonewasf orcedtodo
any thingtheydidn’twanttodoandLucas, their
phy siotherapi
st,i
salsoaccusedofsl eepingwi t
ha
handfulamountofgi rl
sintheteam justfordoing
them favour
s,li
ketheabor ti
onsforinstance.Hehad
neverforcedhimselfonany onebuthet ook
advantageofthegirls’
situat
ionandmani pul
ated
them.Nochar gesaref i
ledagainsthim butheisthe
defence’
swi t
ness.

“Nomaguguhasalwaysbeenamot hertothem,y
es
shecanbestr
ictbuthergoalwastokeepthem i
n
l
ineandmakesurethattheystayi
ntheteam.”

“
Whatdoyoumeanbymakesur
etheyst
ayi
nthe
t
eam?”Moseasks.

“Shekepttabsont hem, pr
egnancyisthehighest
ri
skthatwoul dki
l
l afemaleteam soshemadesur e
thatnoonegotpr egnantbyputti
ngt hem i
nto
contracept
iveswhichIwasr esponsibl
eforand
keepingthem cl
oset oherwasal sooneoftheway s
ofprotecti
ngthegirl
s,”Lucassays,confi
dentl
y.
“I
nspiteofprotect
ingt
hegirl
sandputti
ngthem on
contr
aceptiv
es,canyoutel
lthecour
tjusthowmany
gi
rlsgotpregnantandhowmanyabor ti
onstook
pl
ace?”

“Accordi
ngtotherecords,abouthal
fofthepl
ayers
gotpregnantandmostoft hetimeitwasoneafter
theother.I
twentonlikeitwasat r
end.
”

“Soy ou’
dsayt hatNomagugudi deverythinginher
powert oavoidsuchinstanceshappening, t
hegirl
s
alsoknewoft heconsequencesar oundt heissueof
fall
i
ngpr egnantbuttheywentaheadandgot
pregnantanyway ?”

“
Yes,
”Lucassay
s,noddi
nghi
shead.

“
Youcanvouchformycli
enttoanyonewhowant
sa
f
oot
ball
coach,andImustadd,aguardi
anaswel
l
?”
“I
’
ddefini
tel
yrecommendhert
oeveryone.Shei
sa
goodcoach–Imeanshestart
edthatAcademyout
ofnot
hingandlookwher
esheisnow.”

Nomaguguissmil
i
ngfrom eart
oearatLucas’
comment.Noonecanbeatthi
s,t
heyshoul
dgiveup
al
ready
.

“Okay.Let’sgi v
ethecourtsomet hingtothinkabout
–didI nganat hiObennebocomet oyouorany oneof
yourstaffmember stosayt hatshewasbei ng
viol
atedatt hattime?Ordidy ouseeany t
hingt hat
wouldscr eam ‘Iam av i
cti
m ofabuse’duringthe
physiosessi ons?”

Lucasshakeshishead,“
Shehasnev ervoi
cedout
anythi
ngaboutbeingabused,shewashappywith
bei
ngatt heAcademyandt herehadnev
erbeena
complainfr
om her.
”
MrObennebocanf eelhishighbloodpressur
erisi
ng
butheconti
nuestokeepcal m.Thiswomanseems
tobeonestepaheadwi thev er
ythi
ng,t
hatiswhyshe
wantedthecourtt
opost ponehercase–shewasup
tosomethi
ngbutthedayhasn’ tended,hewil
lget
j
usti
ceforhisdaughtercomef ir
eorhighwaters.

“
Obennebo,hei
sal
lyour
snow,
”Mosesay
stur
ning
t
othetabl
eopposi
tehi
s.

MrObennebost andsup, mov esawayf rom t

hetable
andst andsi nf
rontoft heJudge.“ YourHonour ,I
don’thav eanyquest i
onsf orthewi t
ness. ”Peopl
e
startobjecti
ng,Nomagugui ssat isfied–shedi dn’t
thinkthey’dgiv
eupsoear lyImeanshewasst i
ll
enjoyingtheshowandMosei sr eadyt opackhi s
thingsandl eave.“ButIwoul dliket obr i
ngmyown
witness,DrBoy es,theonewhoexami nedInganat
hi
Obennebo.Shemaycomef orwar di fthecourt
all
owshert odoso, ”hesay s,inacal m mannerand
theJudgedoesn’ thesi
tatetogi vet hegoahead.
Nomagugui slostandf rustrated–whoi sDrBoy es
andwhyi sshet akingthest and?Mosei sjustas
frustrat ed–howcanNomagugukeephi mi nt he
dar k,hepr epar edhi sdefencebasedonwhatshe
toldhi m andev erythingwasgoodunt i
lMrObennebo
ment i
onedt hatther eisaDrBoy eswhoi sal i
veand
breat hing.DrBoy esmakesherwayt ot hest andwith
af il
ei nherhand, itisnodoubtt hatitisamedi cal
fi
let hatshewi llprov i
deasev i
dencet othecour t
.
Mosest andsandr ushest oNomagugu, “Whati s
this?”, heasksl ooki ngandsoundi ngupset .“Idon’t
knowbutdon’ twor rytheyhav enot hing,keepcal m
andconf usetheenemy ,
”shesay sbutherhear tis
spewi ngot herthingsandhermi ndi srunningov er
thehi lls.Mosei swor ri
ed, shel ookscal m buthe
knowst hatt heyar edonewi th.

“
DrBoy es,canyoutell
thecourtabouty
oursel
fand
y
ourfindingswheny ouexaminedmyclient–
I
nganathiObennebo.”
“Iam agy naecologistandIhav ebeeni nthis
professionf orover27y earsnow.Wi thregardst o
Inganathi,Ididanobser v at
ionwhi chshowedt hat
herv ul
vaandv aginal wallswer escar r
ed.Ithappens
i
nmostcaseswher ethepat i
enthasbeenr apedor
theirpartnerhadpenet r
at edthem t oorough.The
vaginaist hemostsensi t i
vepar tofthewoman’ s
bodysowheni tgoesunderext remet rauma–i t
shows.I nt hecaseofMi ssObennebo, shedidn’t
sufferinthehandsofherpar tnerbecauseshehas
neverbeeni nti
mat ewi t
hamal ebefore..
.”

“Object
ionyourHonour ,
t hewitnessi
sspecul ati
ng
andnothingshehassai di sbasedonf act
sorpr oves
thatmycl i
enthasanythingtodowi thherfindings–
herstatementisi
rrel
evant !
”Mosear gues.

“
DrBoy
es,
pleasegett
othepoi
nt,
”theJudgesay
s.

“
Thisfil
e,
”shel i
ft
supthef
il
einherhand,
“Arethe
medicalrecor
dsofMissObennebo,
withareport
basedonmyf
indi
ngsdur
ingt
heobser
vat
ion.
”

MrObennebot akesthefi
leandhandsi tov
ertot
he
Judge.“I
ny ourfindi
ngs,DrBoyes,wouldyou
confi
dentl
ysayI nganathiwasraped?”heasks
tur
ningtolookatt hedoctor
.

“
Yes.
”Shenods.

“
Ihavenofur
therquest
ionsyourWor
shi
p,”hebows
t
otheJudgeandgoestositbackdown.

Mosest andsuptosaythathedoesn'thaveany
questi
onsf ort
hedoctor.TheJudgeannouncesthat
thecourtcasewil
lresumet wodaysaft
ertodayand
thatwi
llbewhenNomagugu’ sf
atewil
lbedeclar
ed.

•
•
I
nganat
hi

Apar tofmei shappyt hatIhav et akent hest andand

nowi tisov erbutIal socan’ thel pbutt hinkt hat
may bei twasal lfornot hi
ng.Thewor ldknowsabout
mybusi nessbutIwon’ tgetany thingoutofi t.My
fatheristhewor stcase, heisr eallynothappywi t
h
howt hi
ngst urnedouti ncour t–Nomaguguhas
alway shadanupperhandi nev erythi
ngandev en
todayshedi dhermagi c.Idon’ twi shtof i
ndoutwhat
theJudgewi llsay,Imeanev eryonehast heirprice
eveni fshei sdeclaredgui lt
yshemi ghtnotbei njail
foral ongt i
me.I t’
dbeonl yforsi xmont hsandt hen
she’dbeouton“ parole”.Ihat ethej usticesy stem in
Sout hAf r
ica,i
nf act,wehav enoj usti
cesy stem –
l
ookwhathappenedwi thSlindile’scase.Iam sur e
thepol i
cear ewai ti
ngf orthepeopl etof orgetso
they’dletgooft hecase.

“Don'
tworr
ythewor
sti
sov
er,
”hesay
s,t
aki
ngmy
handint
ohis.
Iwishthatcoul dcalm medownbuti tdoesn’t.We
arestayinginhishouse, y esmyf atherisal
soher e
butIsleepi nadiff
erentr oom inr espectofmyf at
her.
Heissomewher ei
nt hehouse, shout i
ngandbar king
orderstosomeone.Idon’ tknowwhyhei swast i
ng
hi
sener gywhenal lisdone, i
tisv eryclearthat
Nomagugui sgoingtowi nandIwi lldefi
nit
elypayf or
putti
nghert hroughthis.Iknowshedoesn' tcare
aboutther estofthegirlswhoal soopenedcases
againstherbecauseIam t heonewhost ar
tedthe
wholething.Ifitwasn’tformet hennoneoft his
would’vehappened.

“Youwon’
tbel
ievewhatthatdaught
erofLucif
erj
ust
did!
”myfat
herbarksasheappearsandwel ookup
tohim.

“Whathasshedone? ”Si
mbongaasksthequest
ion
thatfai
l
edtocrawloutofmythr
oat.Ial
sowantto
knowbutalsoafrai
dofwhatshemusthavedone,
may besheescapedandiscomi
ngf orme–Iknow
thati
simpossi
bler
ightnowwithhowt
hepoli
cear
e
hover
ingar
oundherbutthi
sisNomaguguandwho
canblamemef ort
hinki
ngofsuch.

“
Shebri
bedtheJudge,
thesher
if
f,al
lherwi
tnesses
–thewhol
eteam!”

What
?

“
Butthegi
rl
stest
if
iedagai
nsther
,”Iar
gueget
ti
ngon
myfeet
.

“Sheknewnothingthey’
dhavesai
dwouldsti
ckand
whoknowst heyprobabl
yhel
dbacktangi
ble
i
nformati
onthatwouldputheri
njai
l.
”Thati
s
Simbonga,heisalsoonhisf
eetnow.

“NowthatIt
hinkabouti
t,ev
erygir
lwhotookthe
standsai
dal
mostt hesamething,
”welookathi
min
awe.“ Theywer enotsureforsomer easonandtheir
explanationswer ej
ustplai
nanddull,yessheforced
herselfont hem butnoneofthem saidanythi
ng
aboutt heirfeel
i
ngs,thought
sandemot i
ons.”

“Whywouldtheydothat
?”Ifal
lbackont hecouch.I
knowNoziphoref
usedtotesti
fybefor
ethecour t
datewasevenannouncedbuttherestofthem sai
d
theywi
ll
takeastandagainstt
hatmonster!

“Everyonehast heirpri
ce,sheprobabl
yev en
thr
eatenedt hem butcouldn'tdoitwit
hy oubecause
ofmeandy ourfather.
”Whathei ssayi
ngmakes
sensebutwhywoul dtheyturnthei
rbacksonget t
ing
j
ustice,thatwomani snothi
ngbutpain,shethinks
sheisGodandt heyareall
owinghertogetaway
wit
hi t.

“Whatarey
ougoingtodoabouttheJudge?We
can’
tpossi
blyal
l
owaf r
audtodeclar
eherfat
e–y ou
havetodosomethi
ng,
”hesayslooki
ngatmyf at
her
.
“Don'tworry,
Ialr
eadyhav esomet hingonmy
sleeves.Ohshewi l
lregretthedaysheputherhands
onmydaught erandev erygir
loutt here,
andafter
thatshe’dswearnevert oevent ouchherown
vagina.”Hesoundsreal l
ybitt
er.Ihav eseenmy
fatherinal
lemot i
onsbuthewasnev ert
hisdar
k,I
wonderwhathehasonhi smindandIhopei ti
s
nothingthatwil
lcomebackt obi t
eusatt heendof
theday .

•••

Wear ebacki ncour t,

itisj ustasfull
asi twast he
l
asttimewewer eher e.Il ookatmyf el
lowt eam
matesandIdon’ tfeeltheangerIt houghtIhadf or
them.Ifeelsorryf ort
hem f orsomer eason.Idon’t
knowhowmuchNomagugupai dMosebutt heman
haswingsbi ggert hanhisheadandhet hi
nkshehas
every
thi
ngst ashedi nhi sbag.Het hi
nkshei sbett
er
thaneveryone,bloodyhy pocrit
e.Idon’tseeZobuhl e
anywher etoday, Iam theonesi t
ti
ngnextt o
Si
mbongatodayandNoziphoisher
enexttome.
Aft
erafewminutesofsi
tt
ingdown,wearetol
dto
ri
seandweallst
andup.

TheJud–whoawhoi sthatnow?AwomanwhoI
guessistoday’
sJudgewal ksinandsi tsi
nfrontof
us.Moset ur
nstoNomaguguwi t
hahor ri
fi
edf aci
al
expressi
onandIwishtoseet hel ookonherf ace.
Daddyplayedhiscar
dsright,nowl etthegames
begi
n!Wesi tdownandwai tfortheJudget o
addressthecaseandherconcl usion.

“Iwon’tbewast i
ngy ourtimeandt hecour t’
st i
me,I
willgetst
rai
ghttothepoi nt,
”herv oiceisdeepl i
ke
thatofamanandi tcar r
iessomuchaut horit
y ,
andI
betnoonewant stogetonherwr ongsi deev en
Mosei sbehaving.“Aftergoi ngthrought henotes,
evidence,
thev i
cti
ms’ statement sandt estimony–
thereweresomanygaps, IknowIwasn' theret o
l
istentothetesti
moni esmy selfbutt hecour thas
madeadeci sion,wehav econcl udedourdecl arat
ion
oftheaccused’
sfate.Maytheaccusedst
andi
n
fr
ontofthecourt
,”shesays.

Nomagugust
andsup,
notasf
astasshedi
dthel
ast
t
ime.

“Thejudgementoft hiscour
tisbasedont he
ev i
dencethatwaspr ovi
ded,thet
esti
moni esoft he
victi
msandt heirstatements,andthetest i
moni esof
theotherwi t
nesses.Theaccusedal sopl eadednot
guilt
ysoweal sot ookt hati
ntoconsiderationwhen
wemadet hef inaljudgement.NomaguguMt hethwa,
thecourtfindsy ougui lt
yofaggravaterape. .
.”

Thecrowdgoeswild,
itf
eel
sl i
keIam i
nthefiel
d
ri
ghtnow,pl
ayi
ngforthewinni
ngteam –Godnev er
tur
nshisbackontheonesthathelov
es.Simbonga
pull
smetohischestandIholdontohimfordearl
if
e.

“
Order
,or
deri
nthecour
troom!
”theJudgescr
eams
whil
ebangi ngthedeskandt hecrowdquietens
down.“AsIwassay ing..
.y
ouar eguil
tyandwi l
lbe
serv
ingal i
fesentencewi thimmediateeff
ect.This
courtsessi
onisadj ourned,”shebangsthedeskone
moret i
meandmakesherwayout .

West oodupandcheer ed.Thi sisthebestdayofmy

l
ifeandIam soemot ional.IgetoutofSi mbonga’s
embr aceandhur r
iedtothef r
onttomyf ather.He
hugsmej ustasti
ghtandIcandef i
nit
elyprofess
thatheismyher o, myshiel dandpr ot
ector.Ipul
lout
andfeel Simbonga’shandsonmyshoul ders–I
wouldn'tbewher eIam todaywi thouttheset women,
Iam blessedandIam gr at eful
.Wear ehav i
nga
wonder f
ul momentbuti tdoesn’tlastforlong–

“Youwillpayforthi s!
”shescreamsandwet urnto
l
ookatherdi rect
ion, whyisshesti
llhere?“Iwil
l
makey oupayf ort hisandyouwill
regretever
messingwi t
hme! ”sheisli
vidandisfight
ingthe
offi
certhati
st r
yingt opull
heraway .
“Ihateyou!”t
hosear
ethel
astwor
dsIut
terandshe
disappears.

“
Iti
sallov
eranddon’
twor r
yshewil
lhavetogo
t
hroughmetogettoyou,”Si
mbongasay spul
l
ingme
t
ohimself
.IknowIam safeandIam notworr
ied.

“Okay ,
thati
smycuet ol
eave–Iwi l
lseeyouat
home, ”myfathersayswit
hafaintsmile,
Inodand
heleav eswi
thhisfri
endbesi
deshim.Ican’tt
hank
him enough,hecamet hr
oughformewhenIneeded
himt hemost.

“Youaregoi
nghome?
”heasksasIf
ast
enmy
seatbel
t.

“Wear egoinghome,
”Isayandhefrowns.“My
fat
herinvi
tedyoutocometohishouse,youhosted
him sohewant st
ohostyoutooandmymot heral
so
wantstomeety ou.
”
“Butwhydi dn’thesaysohimself?AndyouknowI
didn’
tofferhim aplacet
ost ayj
ustbecauseIwanted
apasst ohi shouse,
”hesaysstil
lweari
ngafrownon
hisfaceandIchuckl e–hewor ri
estoomuch,thi
sis
notamar r
iageproposali
fthat’
swhatheisthi
nki
ng.

“Youwill
havet
ocome,orhewon’
thesit
atet
ocome
dragyoudowntoUmzi
mkhulu,
”Isayandheshakes
hishead.

“
Andyourf
atherl
ooksv
erymuchcapabl
eoft
hat
.”
Hest
art
sthecar.

“
Arey
ouscar
edofhi
m?”

“Who,me?NoIam notscar
edofanyone,”hesay
s
pul
li
ngabrav
efacebutIam notconv
inced.

“
Ify
ousayso,
”hegl
ancesatmeandIl
augh.He'
d
makeav erybadactor,
Icanjustseerightthrough
hi
mt hatheshakestothecor einmyfather’
s
presencebuthewi l
lgetusedt oit
.Il
eant ohisside
andpl antakissonhischeek,“Thankyou,”Isayand
henodswi t
hasmi l
eonhi sface.

•
•
•

Nomagugu

Shehadbeent ransferr
edont hesameaf ternoonshe
wassent enced.Thi swasnotpar tofthepl anand
shecan’tstayher eforlongerami nute,shehast o
getout.Sheneedst omakeTHEM payf orput t
ing
herinthi
shel lhole.Thewar derl
eadshert ohercel l
,
i
tisempt ylikethewal l
sofherhear t.Shehasnev er
thoughtofcr y
ingbutnowwoul dbeaper fecttime.
Shesinksont hesi ngl
ebedwi t
hasponget hatfeel
s
l
ikeapileofcupboar ds,
sheletsheremoti
onstake
overbutsheisdisturbedbyasoundoft hegat
e
openingagai
n.Shel eapsupandt urnst
olook
towardsthegatethatisopening,herey
eswidenat
thesi
ghtoftheper sonwalki
ngi n.

“Soso,whatarey oudoi nghere?”sheasks, t

ryi
ng
real
lyhardtodisguiset hefeari
nherv oice.Thi
s
can’tbehappeningonherf ir
stdayher e, i
thasbeen
alongtimesincet helastt i
meshesawSoso–t he
scaronherchini sstil
lv er
ymuchv isibleandshe
remember sver
ywel lhowSosogoti tbecausesheis
theonewhoputi tthere.

“HawGugu,i
sthathowy
ouaregoi
ngtogr
eety
our
oldf
ri
end?
”sheaskswal
kingi
nfur
ther
.

Nomaguguhasnev erfearedanyonebutSosoisv er
y
unpredi
ctabl
e,i
twasbetterthenbecausesheknew
herbutnowshedoesn’tknowwhatshel earntover
theyear
si npr
isonandthereisnoguardonsightso
any
thi
ngcanhappen,
andnoonewi
l
lsav
eher
.

“Wear enotfr
iends,
”shel
ooksatSosowi
tha
str
aightface.

“Youarerightaboutthatbutthatwon’tstopusfrom
havingsomef un,
”Sososay sreachingforsomething
behindherback.“Theysaiditisoneofy our
favouri
te,
”Nomagugu’ seyesfalloutofthei
rsockets
atthesightofthelargedi
ldo,itl
ookslargert
hant he
donkey’sgenit
alorgan.

“Youcan'
t,
”Nomagugushakesherheadmov
ing
awayandshif
ti
ngtothewall
.

Theroom ist
oosmallforhertogetawayfrom Soso.
“Wearegoingtohavealotofgoodtimestogether
,”
shewinksanditdawnstoNomagugut hatthi
sisher
fat
e–whatshehasdoneont oother
sisnowdone
ontoher.
Ut
hando:
Twent
yNi
ne

Si
mbonga

AsIam dr i
v ing,shepl acesherf eetont he
dashboar d, shei sapr ettygir
lalrightbutshe’ sgot
uglytoes.Theyl ooklikeshest olet hem f rom
someone, theyar esobi g,wri
nkledanddar kerthan
therestofherf eet.Iwantt olaugh, shet urnstol ook
atmeandIj ustbur stoutofl aught er .“IknowIhav e
uglytoesbutIam of fendedt haty ouar el aughingat
them, ”shesay sl ookingupf r
om herphone.I
continuet ol aughandshegoesbackt oherphone.
Themusi cispl ay ingsof tlyonther adioandIam
reall
yenj oyingt histrip.Theai rhitsdi f
ferentlyinthis
placeandt hev iewi sr eallyni
ce, andr efreshing.My
fatherwi l
lhav emyheadi fheev erf indsoutt hatI
wentt omygi rl
friend'
shouse, Idon’ tt hinkInganat hi
orherf ami l
yr eallydigdeepi ntot raditiont hey
probabl ygoonl ikewhi tepeopledo–i fIam her
boy f
riendthenIhav egotapassi ntot hef ami l
y,and
t
her
esti
shi
stor
y.

“Justsoy ouknowy ou’r

ethefirstper
sonIhav eever
broughthomesobewar ned–mymot herisgoingto
beext r
acl i
ngy,
”shesayswi t
houtlif
ti
ngherey esup.
Iglanceather ,
whatkindofclingyisshetal
king
about?“ You’
redoingi
tagain,whydoy ouov erthi
nk
thi
ngs? ”shelooksup.

Ishr
ug,
“Idon’
tknowt
hati
sjusthowIam.
”

“
Theny
ou’
rei
nthewr
ongpr
ofessi
on.
”

What ’
sthatsupposet omean?Iwantt ov oiceout
myt houghtsbutshequi cklyanswer
sherr i
nging
phoneandexcl ai
msi nexci t
ement–Ij ustknowt hat
sheisspeakingt oNozi pho.Ihavehear dthatgirl
sgo
wildwhenint hepr esenceoft hei
rbestf r
iendsbut
thosetwoar eext r
a.Nozi pho,al
one,i
sj ustov er
-
enough.Iam f oll
owingwhatt heGPSist ell
ingme
andt hankGodsheendst hecall
,bummeri twasn’t
endedi nst
eadherbat t
erydied.Theycould’
vetalked
forhour smucht omyannoy ance,tr
ustmeIl ove
thei
rr el
ati
onshipbutli
keIsaid–t heycanbet oo
l
oud.Af ewmi nutesl
ater
,Istopthecarinfrontof
thelarge,t
allgate.

Inganat hipressesthebuttonont heintercom, yeah

shei sleaningf r
om herseatallthewayt omy
windowandnowIam l ookingatherbut t.Ifeelthe
urget ospankherbutt hatwouldbev ery
disrespectful t
othemanwhoj ustanswer edthe
i
nt ercom.“ DaddyIam home! ”sheexcl ai
ms.The
gat eopenswi t
houthersay i
ngany t
hingmor e.She
mov esbackt oherseatwi thasmi l
eonherf ace, she
i
sr eallyexcitedaboutbeinghome.Idr i
vei nand
par kont hedr i
veway.Whenwest epoutoft hecar ,
bot hhermot herandfatherarestandingatt he
door step.Sher unstothem andIst aygluedont he
ground, scanningmysur r
oundings–t hishousei s
huge.
“Mama,thi
sismyboyfr
iendSimbonga,”Idi
dn’
tev
en
seeherwalki
ngbackt
owardsme.Shehasherar m
l
inkedwi
thmi neasweapproachherparent
s.

“
Sani
bonani
,
”Igr
eetwi
thhandshakes.

“Molo,Ihavebeenwai t
ingforyoutwo,whattook
yousol ong?”hermotherisXhosa,Ishoul
d'
ve
thoughtofthatbecausethat’
swheretheInganathi
comesf rom –thisNigeri
anlooki
ngguycouldn't
havepossiblyfi
guredthatonhisown.

I
nganathilooksatmesoI ’
danswer
,“i
twastraf
fi
c,
”I
l
iebutitdoesn’tmatt
ert
oherasshequickl
yushers
usinsi
dethehouse.Thebagsaresti
ll
inthecar
,I
guesswewi llgett
hem l
ater
.

Ther
e’sal
otoffoodonthetabl
e,nowIknowwhy
wegotscol
ded,shewental
loutprepar
ingthisf
ood
andi
twould'
vegonetowasteifwedidn’tar
ri
vebut
thisi
stoomuchf ood.“ Inganathiyoust i
llknow
wherethekitchenis?”hermot heraddr essesheri
n
Xhosaandsher epli
esj ustashermot herhad
addressedherswi ft
ly.Iam goi ngtobehonestwi th
you,Ihavenev erheardI nganathispeaki nXhosa,
Zuluoranythingclosebesi deswhenshe’ dbe
singi
ngsoIam abi tsur pri
sedbyhowf l
uentsheis.
Shetakesthebowl ofcur rythathermot herwants
hertowarm upanddi sappear sdownt hepassage.

“Sohowhaveyoubeensi
ncethelasttimewesaw
eachot
her?
”themanofthehouseasks.Wel ast
saweachothert
hedaybef
oreyesterdaybuthei
s
sayi
ngi
tli
kewelastsaweachotheramont hortwo
ago.

“
Fine,
”Isaynoddi
ng.

“
Woul
dyoul
i
ket
hepot
atosal
ad?
”
“Yesma’
am,
”myr
epl
yisaccompani
edbyasi
ngl
e
nod.

Shelaughsli
ght
lywhil
ewalki
ngfrom herhusbandto
me, “
youcancallmemamaorMawhi cheverone
youprefer
,notma’am,wearenotinschool
.”Ismil
e
thanki
ngher.

Shei sonherf eet, dishingf orherhusband.It hought

havingthef oodlaidont het ablewast oallow
everyonet odishf ort hemsel v
esbutIguessnot .“I
hopey ouar enotal l
ergictoany thing,
”sheaddsandI
sayIam good.Thel astt imeIsawt hismuchmout h-
wateringfoodwast hr eeyear sagowhenSi sanda
cookedf orusonChr i
stmasday ,aft
erthatwedi dn’
t
havet hatmuchf oodpr epar ed–Iwon’ tgettot he
reasonwhybecauset hatisasubj ectIdon’twantt o
touchr i
ghtnow.I nganat hicomesback, pl
acest he
bowl sont hetableandsi t
snextt ome.Mypl atei s
alr
eadyal mostf ullwhensheof ferstoaddmor eof
thebut t
ernutmashwhi chIki ndlydecline.
“Howist herapy?”hermot herasksaswedi ginaft
er
asmal l
pr ayer.I
nganathiandIbot hlookupbecause
wedon’tknowt owhoshe’ saddr essi
ngt hequesti
on
becausewebot hattendtherapy.Sheisl ooki
ngat
I
nganathi soIcontinuetoeat ,
leavingInganathi
to
repl
y.

“Iti
sgoingwel l
,”t
hat'sallshesays.I
tissti
l
learl
y
dayssot here’
sisn’tmucht osay,peoplegoto
therapyforyearsifneedtobesoi tneedspati
ence
andi mportant
lysupport.Itakeherhandtogivei
ta
squeezeandshegoesbackt oeat
ing.

Weal l getbackt odi ggingintoourplatesandt he

foodi sreallynice,Iam enjoy i
ngit
.Theyhav ear eal
l
y
goodr elati
onshi p,i
ti sneverawkwar dwhent heytal
k
andt heyar ejustf l
owi ngfr
om onet opictot henext,I
alsodon’ tfeelleftout .Wearelaughingher eand
there.MrObenneboi stheclownont het ableandhe
i
scr ackingj okesev erychanceheget s.Ididn’
tthink
I’
deverseehi m sorelaxedandt alkingf r
eely
.Ther e’
s
l
ov ebouncingont hetabl eandIcan’ tgetenough,
theymakememi ssmyownpar entswhi chIlastsaw
twoy earsagoonSi sanda’ sf uneral.Kwandoi sli
vi
ng
withthem andhei sattendi ngatt hesamepr i
mar y
school Iwentt
oaswel l.Heal way ssoundshappy
whenev erIcal
ltocheckuponhi m butget sreall
y
sadwhenwet ouchany t hi
ngt hathast odowi thour
rel
ati
onship.Ineedt oplanf orat ri
pt ogoback
home, Imissmyson.

“Igotmyr esult
sandIgotf ourdisti
nct
ions,
”
I
nganat hisayswithawidegr i
nonherf ace.Iam so
proudoft hisgi
rlr
ighthere.Despit
ewhatNomagugu
puthert hr
ough,shestil
lfocusedonherbooksand
didherv erybest
,evenont hefiel
dshehasnev er
disappointed.

Herfat
hercheer
s,“
Iam soproudofyoumybaby
,”
hesaysandhermotheri
sjustashappy.
“
Sowhenam Iget
ti
ngmycar?”shesay
ssounding
r
eal
l
yspoi
ledandherf
atherl
aughs,
andwealll
augh.

“
Getyourl
icensefi
rstandwewillt
alk,
”hei
sser
ious.
I
nganat
hisquir
msonherseatandsmi l
eswi
del
yli
ke
achi
ldent
eringthecandyst
ore.

“Iam r
eal
ly
,real
l
ypr oudofyouInganat
hiIwishyour
sist
–”someoneclearsthei
rthr
oattocuthershort
.

“Doyouwantmet odishyoumor efood?”thati

s
I
nganathit
ryi
ngtogetmyat t
entionbutbeforeIt
urn
toher,
Inoti
ceafier
cestarethatMrObenneboi s
giv
inghiswif
eandshesinksinherchair.

“No,Iam good,”Isaywit
hasmal lsmil
eonmyf ace.
Theat mosphereisnolongerli
ght.Imighthav e
spokent oosoonbecauset hi
ngshav ejusttooka
dif
ferenttur
nandt heyal
llookuncomf ortabl
e–what
i
sgoi ngonhere,whatwasI nganathi
’smot hergoi
ng
t
osaybef
oret
heycuthershor
t?

“Ishoul
dprobabl
ycl
earthetabl
enowseeingthat
youareallf
ull
,
”shesaysstandi
nguptoherfeet
.
Eventhesoundofhervoi
ceisnolongerj
oll
yandshe
l
ooksdiffer
entfr
om t
hewomanImetawhi l
eago.

“Si
mbonga, l
et’stakeast r
ollinthegarden,
”Mr
Obennebosay s,alsostandingupwi t
hagl assofhis
wateri
nhishand.Il ookatI nganathi
andshef orces
asmileonherf acewhi chIknowi sfakebecausei t
doesn'
treachherey es.Itakemyowngl assofjuice
andfoll
owedMrObenneboout si
de.

•
•
•
I
nganat
hi

“Whatwasthatal
labout?
”IaskwhenIam pr
ett
y
sur
ethatSi
mbongai snotonsi
ght
.

“YouknowIdidn’tmeant osayiti
nf r
ontofhi
m,”she
saysbusyputt
ingthedirt
yplatestogether
.Wedidn'
t
evengettodessertbecauseofher.

“
Yout
oldmenev
ert
oment
ionherbut–”

“I
nganat
hi.
..
”shelooksupwit
htear
yey
es,
looki
ng
sadbutdon’
tfor
getguil
ty.

“Youtol
dmeshe’sdead,r
emember ?Sokeeptoy
our
wordandkeepheroutofyourhead,
”Ipusht
hechai
r
backasIst
anduptoleave.
“Shedi dn’
tdoany thingtoyouI ngie,youdon’thave
tohat eher!”shecallsoutbehindmebutIcont i
nue
towal kaway .Idon’thateher,Ihatet hatIhadtoli
ve
withouther ,t
heytookherawayf rom meandt hey
forcedmet oaccepti t
.Pret
endt hatIhav ealways
beenl i
ket hi
swhenIhadl ostapar tofme–shewas
everythingtomel i
keIwasev erythingtoherbuthow
Ifeltdidn’
tmat t
ertot hem.

Iwalki nsidemybedr oom andmamaputmy

favouritecov eront hebedbutIdwel lonit.Istr
ipoff
allmycl othesandwr apmybodyi nat owel.Iti
slate
now, weshoul d’vebeenher edur i
ngmi ddaybut
Simbongahadt oseeZobuhl ebef or
ehel eft.Why?I
don’tknowbuthemadei tsoundl i
keitwas
i
mpor tant .Istepinsidetheshoweranddi dn’tbother
toturnont hehotwat er
, Ijustletthecoldwat er
washawayal lmyanger .Iletitrunthroughmyhai r
andIf aceupt oletthewat erfallonmyf ace.Isee
herface, flashinginmyhead, Ifeell
ikescreami ng–
scream f orherbutIdon’ t.Iswallowhar dandt urn
offthet ap.
WhenIwal koutoft hebat hroom,Si
mbongai sinmy
room l
ookingatt hepi cturesofmewhenIwasi n
highschool.Idon’thav eanyofmychi l
dhoodphot os
becauseshewasi nthem t oo.Hebroughtthebags
i
nwi t
hhim, it
’slikeheknewI ’
dneedmypy j
amas, I
takemycosmet icbagandwentt ositontopofmy
bed.Hehasn’ tturnedt olookatmesoIcont inueto
drymyhairwi thanot hertowel .

“Youhaveal
waysbeenbeauti
ful
andyouhaven'
t
changedatal
l
,”hesay
sturni
ngtolookatme.

“Thanky
ou.”It
akeoutmybodyl oti
onandthebot
tl
e
oftheoi
ntmentthatDrBoyesrecommendedIuset o
getri
dofthescarsonmy .
..
you-know-what
.

“
Arey
ouokay
?”hest
epst
owar
dsmeandIl
ookup.

“
YeahIam f
ine,
”IknowIam f
arf
rom bei
ngokaybut
that
’sal
lIcantell
him becauseIcan’
treal
l
yt el
lhi
mI
am not,
Idon’thaveanyexplanat
ionf
orast owhyI
wouldn'
tbefi
ne.

“
Doyouneedhel
p?”hepoi
ntst
othebot
tl
ethathas
acl
earl
i
quidi
nit
.

Ilookati tandbackathi m.“ Ihaveseeni tbef ore,all

youcandoi sal lowmet oseei fyou'rehealing,”he
says.Het akest hebot t
lef r
om mysi debef oreIcoul d
object,Iregr etwhyIwashedmyhai rnowbecauseof
thecolddr opsofwat erfall
ingont omyshoul ders.
Hel ooksser iousasheopenst hebot tl
eandt ell
sme
tolayonmyback.It ellhimt hatheneedst ousea
cottonwool buti tdoesn’tlookl i
kehehear dany thing
Isaid.Ilaidst i
l
l withmyt owel pull
edupandl egs
sli
ghtlyopen.Ir emembert hel astti
meIwasi nthis
positi
onandev erythi
ngt hatf oll
owedaf terthat.He
i
sst il
lwear i
ngt hatser iousf aceashekneel sdowns,
disappear i
ngbehi ndmyknees.Icanonl yseet het ip
ofhisheadandapar tofhi sf ace.Idon’tknowwhat
myfat
herwantedt
otal
ktohi
m aboutbutIguessi
t
wasn’
tbadsi
ncehecamebacki
nonepi ece.

Hepushesmyl egsapar tandIobl i

ge,swal lowing
hard.Iam st il
l scaredofhav ingany oneorany t
hing
downt her e,t
rut hbet oldt hatIfeel muchsaf erifiti
s
DrBoy eswhoi slookingdownt hereev ent houghshe
diditonce, Ijustknowt hatshehasnoi ntentionof
hurti
ngme.If eel hi
st humbonmyf oldsandIi nhale
sharply.Hest opsandasksi fIam okay ,wor dsfail
mesoIj ustnod.Her eachesf orthebot tleagai nand
rubshisf i
ngeronmyent rance,Ihearhi m gr oanand
mumbl ingasor ry.IknowIshoul dbef eeli
ngscar ed
butIfeel diff
er entashecont i
nuest or unhi sfingers
onmysacr edpl ace.Hesl owlymov eshi sthumbup
tomycl i
t,sti
llIdon’ tstophi m –i tfeelsdifferent,
real
lygoodev enmyhear tisracing.Ihav eal way s
fel
twhenweki ssbutnowi tisintense.

Herubsmycli
tmorefaster
,putt
ingmor
efr
ict
ion,
my
chesti
sheav
ingandIfi
ndmy sel
fchewi
ngonmy
bottom lipwi thmyl egsopeni ngwi der.Iwantt o
scream ont opofmyl ungs,tellhi
m howgoodhei s
maki ngf eelbutIcan’twi thmypar ent sintheot her
room.Iam pul li
ngmyhai rashepi nchesmy
throbbingcl i
t.Ican’tholdbackany mor e,Iopenmy
mout handr eali
sedasof tmoan.It il
tmyheadup
andhei slookingatme, damnhi m.Ithrowmyhead
back, moani ngandsl owlyshuf fli
ngfrom onesi det o
theot her.“You'r
esowet ,”hesay smov i
nghi sthumb
downt omyent rance,ofcour seI’
dbewetbecause
hej ustappliedthatointment .Ibreathei nandout
thi
nki ngthathei sdone, leavi
ngmey earningfor
mor ebuthei snotdone, her eplaceshi sthumbwi t
h
hislips.

Ifeell
ikeIam goingcrazy,fucki
st hi
sme?Ican’ t
beli
eveIhav eamani nbet weenmyl egs,sucki
ngon
mygeni tal
slikeheissuckingmylips.Hei smaki ng
mef eelalotofdiff
erentthi
ngsatt hesamet i
me,
onceagai nIquesti
onmy selfasIputhandsont op
ofhisheadpushi nghim down.Ihav eevenforgotten
tokeepitdown, mymoansar efl
yingoutofmy
mout hashecont i
nuest orunhistongueoncl it
,
sway i
ngitaroundmyent rance,goingbackupt o
suckoncl i
t.Myl egsareupi ntheai rwhenIfeel a
wav eofpleasurecrawlingallthewayf rom myt oes
tothetipofmyhead, Icallouthisname, againand
againunti
l mybodyt enses, f
eelingtheneedt ograb
onthecov ersandscr eam outt hatJesusisindeed
Maria’
sson.

Aftert
hatmassiveexplosi
on,her
isesandcomesto
kissmeonmyl ips.Icanfeel
mypum- pum cal
l
ing
forhim –Iwanthim.

“Youwer esoloud,yourfat
herisgoi ngt
okil
lme,”he
gri
nsandIshyawayf rom hi
sey es.Iwanttotel
lhi
m
thatIwantt odoi t
,thatIam nowr eadybuthowdoI
dot hatwi t
houtsoundingli
keasl ut?Ipul
lhi
m down
foranot herki
ss,whichiswetandsl oppybuthepull
s
outbef oreIcouldgetmyhandsunderhi sshi
rt.

“
Iwanty
ouSi
mba,
”Isaybr
eat
hlessl
y.
“IknowandIwanty outoo,”IsenseabutsoIwai t
forhimtocont
inue.“Butnotiny ourf
ather
’shouse,
”
hegr i
nsatmydisappoint
edf ace.

If
eelhi
sli
psonever
ypar
tofmyf
aceassoonasI
cl
osemyey es.

“
Ilov
eyou.
”

Hi
ssil
encei
sheav
ysoIopenmyey
est
ofi
ndhi
m
st
il
ll
ooki
ngatme.

“
Ilov
eyouSi
mbonga,
”It
ell
him agai
n.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y

Si
mbonga

Ifli
pmyey esopenandIf indbi gdoe, browney es
l
ooki ngatme.Shei snotsmi l
ingnorf rowni ng,iti
s
j
ustabl ankst arewhi chIf ailtoread–Idon’ tknow
whichmoodshewokeupi nbutshest i
lllooks
beaut i
ful.Ipl acemyhandonhercheekandshe
placesher sont opofmi newhi l
esl owl yclosingher
eyes.Icoul dn'tleaveherbedl astnight ,Islepther e
i
nst eadofi nt heguestbedr oom hermot her
assignedt ome–don’ tpani c,nothinghappened.I
sl
eptwel l withheri nmyar ms.Sheopensherey es
andsmi lesf orthef ir
sttimet oday .“Youhav et o
l
eav e,mamawon' tbehappyt ofindaneat l
ymade
bedsoear lyinthemor ning, ”shesay s.Iremai n
si
lentlooki ngather ,remi niscingherwor ds,ov erand
overagai n.Iknowshemeanti t,Icoul dseei nher
eyest hatshewasser ious.
“Il
oveyoutoo,Inganat
hi,”Isaysti
l
l l
ooki
ngstr
aight
i
ntohereyes.IknowIam af ewhour sl
atet
osayit
backbutnowImeani t
.Ididn’tt
ellheri
nthepastbut
Ihaveal
way sfeltl
iket
his.

Shei ssmi lingwi delysoIknowt hatsay ingitl

ateis
bet t
erthannotsay i
ngi tatal l
.Sheki ssesmypal m
andshuf f
les,get ti
ngoutoft hebed.Ial soneedt o
getupbutIam sol azy ,
Ineedanot herhourort woto
cur l
upundert hecov erswi thmyar mswr apped
aroundt hegi rl whost ol
emyhear t.Isitupandj ust
l
iket hatmyphoner i
ngs.It akeitandl ookatt he
screen, i
tisanunknownnumber .Theshoweri s
alreadyrunni ngsoIguesst hatismycuet oalsoget
outofher ebef or ethemadam oft hehousest arts
doingherr oundst oaski fwesl eptwel lduringthe
night.Inganat hi saidshe’ sclingysoIdon’ tdoubt
she’ddosomet hingl i
ket hat.Ianswert hephoneasI
makemywayout .

“
Simbonga,
youar
espeaki
ngt
oRy
anWey
mout
h–
thenewlyappoi
ntedTechni
calDi
rect
or.Ibel
i
evewe
haven’
tmetbefore,
”hesays.

“Yes, t
houghIhav eheardaboutyouthatyouwillbe
takingDingani’
splaceinthesoccercommi tt
ee.How
canIhel pyousir?”Iask,st
eppi
nginsidet
heguest
bedr oom andclosingthedoorbehi
ndme.I tisa
rel
iefIdidn’tbumpi nt
oanyoneinthepassage.

“Iam i
nDurban,
Iwashopingwecouldmeetf
or
breakf
ast
.”That
’sal
lhesays,
hedoesn’
tment
ion
anythi
ngastowhyhewant st
omeetwithme.

“Iam notinDur banatthemomentbutIcanmakei t

ther
edur inglunchtimesoi nsteadofbreakf
ast,we
canmeetf orlunch.
”Idon’tgivehim anot
heropti
on.
Heist heonewhowant stomeetwi thmesohewi l
l
gowithwhatIsay–f i
rstofall
; ev
eryoneknowsIam
busywhi chisnott r
uebutt heydon’tneedtoknow
that
;hehadt omakeanappoi ntmenttomeetwi t
h
meordi dhet hinkI’
djumpbecausehesai dso?
“
Oh,”hei
ssi
l
entf
oraf
ewseconds.“
Lunchi
sfi
ne,
I
wi
ll
seeyout
hen.
”

Isayokayt henwebot hdr opthecall

.Iwonderwhy
hewant st omeetbutIguessIwi l
lhavetogot othe
meet i
ngt of i
ndout.Inganat hiwill
bedisappoi nted
whenshef indsoutthatIam l eav i
ngadayear lythan
wepl anned.Shewant edt oshowmear oundt he
placeshegr ewupin, Iwasl ookingforwardt oitand
IbetIwoul d'vel
earntmor eaboutherbyj ustbei ngin
spacesshehadbeenat housandt i
mesi nt hepast
butthendut ycallsneedt obeat tended.Ihi tthe
showerandchangedi ntosomet hi
ngcomf or t
able–
deminj eansandawhi t
el ongsleevest-shirt.WhenI
opent hedoor ,t
hesmel lofbaconf il
lsmynost r
ils
andgoesst rai
ghttomyst omachwhi chst arts
growlingasIf ol
lowt hesmel l
thatisleadingmet o
thediningroom.

Inganat
hi’
smot
herisext
ra–whoeatsvet
koeksso
earlyi
nthemor
ning?Thebr
eakf
astl
ookssogreasy
andmout h-wateri
ng.“ Goodmor ni
ng,”Igreetand
sheturnst olookatmewi thabl i
ndingsmi l
e.She
l
ooksmuchbet terthanshedi dyesterdayafterthat
awkwar dmoment .MrObennebocal l
edher
emot i
onallyunstabl ewhenIaskedwhatwast he
wholethingabout ,heev enwentasf arassay i
ngher
i
nstabil
ityget ssobadi tgoesstraighttoherhead
andmessesuphersenses.Foral awy er,hereall
y
soundedunconv incingbutIt ookhi swordany way .
Inganathicomest ostandbesi desmeandt ucks
hersel
fundermyar m.Thesmi leonherf acemakes
mef eelbad, Iknowi t’
sgoi ngtodisappearassoon
asIment iont hecal l
.

“
Ithoughty
ouwer
eleav
ingt
omor
row.
”

“
Thati
swhatIt houghtaswel
lbutIhavetol
eave
t
oday,
rightaf
terthi
s,
”Isayandtheyal
lremai
nquiet
.

Inganat
hii
snowplay
ingwithherf
ood,shehasn’
t
saidawordandsheisnotevenl
ooki
ngupt omeas
Iturntolookather .“Iwil
lmakei tupt oy ou,I
promise.”Shenodsabsent ly
,Iknowshe’ smor e
disappoi
ntedt hansad, wehadev er
ythingpl anned
outandnowev er
ythinghast ochangeal lofa
sudden.Wef inishbreakfastandI nganat hi’
smot her
decli
nesmyof fertowasht hedishes–Iam v ery
domest i
catedandI ’dratherwasht hedi shest han
standoverthepotandcook.Iwascur sedi nthat
department.MrObennebohasbeenv er yquiet ,
even
whenIsaymygoodby eshedoesn’ tsaymuchbut
wishesmeasaf etri
p.

“Iwil
lcomebackt omorrow,”shetel
lsmeasIst ep
i
nsidethecar.Herparentshavegonebacki nsi
dethe
houseandshei sstandi
ngont hedri
v ewayli
kea
l
oner,huggi
ngherselfli
keshe’sfeel
i
ngcol dwit
hher
l
ipspouted.

“
Ilov
eyou,
”Isayst
art
ingt
hecar
.

“
Ilov
eyout
oo,
”Ibl
owheraki
ssasshesay
sthat
andshesmi
les,nowt
hat
’swhatIwant
edt
oseeand
nott
hatl
ongface.

Ireverseoutt heopengat eandhootasIdr i

veaway .
Itisat wohour sdr i
v etoDur banbutIam notbor ed
asIt houghtI ’
dbe, thedeephousemusi ciskeeping
mecompany .WhenIgett oDur ban,theheathas
doubl edi tstemper atureandIr egretwear ingthis
l
ongsl eev est -shi
r t
,Ishoul d'veoptedf orsomet hing
cooler .Ry ansentmet henameoft her estaur
antwe
aregoi ngt omeeti nandIam t hefirstonet oarri
ve.I
getat ableandor deradr inkwhi leIwai tforhim.He
arri
vest hirt
ymi nutesl ater, Ithoughthe’ dbey ounger
buthei sact ual l
yqui teol d, hehasgr eyhairanda
beardt hatneedsshav i
ng.Ial wayskeepmyf ace
cleanandt hatmakesmel ooky oungert hanmyage
–Ishoul dteachhi m at hingort wo.

“
Youhav ebeeninthi
sgamesinceyouwerea
t
oddler,
”hesays,t
aki
ngaseatonthechai
ropposi
te
mine.Idon’
tknowwhathei
stalki
ngaboutbutI
don’
targue.Hedoesn’tlookli
kesomeonewhohas
pl
ayedfootbal
lbefore,
ev enhispastdoesn’
tsay
muchabouthim doingany thi
ngrel
atedtofootbal
l
butIguessknowingpeopl ewhoknowpeopl ecan
openmanydoor sforyou.

“
Ihav
ebeeni
nthegamel
ongenough.
”

“Enoughtoearny
oursel
facoachi
ngpostwit
houta
quali
fi
cati
on,
”hesay
sandthewaitercomestotake
hisorder
.

“
Thatwasarr
angedbyDi
ngani
,heknewmemor e
t
hananyoneandhetr
ust
edmewi t
htheposi
ti
on.
”

“Well
Dinganii
snomor e,Iam t
henewsher
if
fin
townandIdon’thav
ear easontokeepy
ouonyour
postl
ongerthanyouhave.”
“ButIam cur rentl
ydoingmycer tifi
cateincoaching,I
am sur ethatshoul dcountforsomet hing,
”Isay ,
try
ingt odefendmy sel
f.IknowIdi dn’tgetthis
positi
onbecauseIam f ull
yeligi
ble,Idon’thavethe
qualif
icati
onandt hereasonwhyIt ookt hepostwas
fortherapeuti
cr easonsbutIhav et heexperience–
mor ethanhi m.

“Thatdoesn’ tcount,”heshrugs, hisdrinkcomesand

hegulpsdownhal foft hecontent.“Youdon’ thave
thequal i
fi
cationssoy ouarenotel igi
bletobea
coach, Icouldtellyout ogobackt opl ayi
ngbutno
onewoul dtakey ounow.Iam sur ey oucan’teven
runfi
v elapsar oundt hefiel
dwi t
houtcompl aini
ng
abouty ourbur ni
ngl ungsorsor elimbs–andI
defi
nitelydon’twanty outodieofahear tatt
ack,”he
says,chucklingwhi lelif
ti
ngthegl asst ohisli
ps.

Ifeel
off
ended,
heshould'
vet
oldmeovert
hephone,
sentmeane-mail
oralett
ert
otel
lmetostepdown.
Heknowsnothi
ngaboutme,wearet
wodiffer
ent
people.Ifthisplacewast obesetonf i
re,Idoubt
he’dmakei ttothedoori ntimebecauseoft hathuge
potbell
ywhi chIam v eryconf i
dentt
osayi ti srest
ing
onhisl aprightnow.Il i
ftupmyowngl ass, empt y
ing
everydr opoft hebeerinside–Ineedanot herglass.
Idon'tthinkIwi l
leatany t
hing,hi
sfaceisugl y
enought omakemel osemyappet i
tebutt hat’
snot
thereason, Iam stil
lful
lfrom thatl
argebreakf ast
thatInganat hi
’
smot herdi shedupforme.

“Iam notreallyanicepersonSimbongabutIcan
keepy ouiny ourposti
fyoumakesur eyouloseal
l
yourgames, ”hesay sandshif
tonmyseat .Why
wouldIwantt obeacoachofal osingt
eam?No
scrat
cht hat
, I’
dbecoachingmyt eam t
olose.

“
Areyouhear
ingy
our
sel
f?”Il
eanont
het
abl
eandhe
i
snoddi
ng.

“
Loudandcl
ear
,Ihopeyouhearmetoobecausethi
s
i
sfory
ourowngood.Loseal
lgames,i
ncl
udingt
he
tour
namentfort
heSABLeague.Wi
nagameand
boy,youwi
l
lregr
etev
ercr
ossingme.”

“Ican’
tdothat.Youmightaswel
l t
akemeoutand
theteam outofthet
ournament
s,”Isay
,wav
inghi
m
off.

Andhetur
nspi
nk,
wit
hangerv
isi
blyev
identonhi
s
face.

“Youwi l
ldot his,Idon’ tmindcrushi ngy ouandy our
wholedr eam, ri
ghther eri
ghtnowandt her ewi ll
be
nothingofy out or emember–y ouwi lldot his
Simbonga. ”Hepusheshi schairback, st andingt o
hisfeetandr eachesf orhiswalletfrom hi sback
pocket .“Buyy oursel fsomet hi
ngni ce,youl ook
starved,”hesay s,takingoutt hr
eet wohundr eds
notesandpl acest hem ont hetable.Iam j ust
l
ookingathi m, thinkingwhot hehell i
st hisper son
andwhatt hehel ldoeshewantf r
om me?Hel eav es
mesi ttingt herebutIdon’ tremai nsi t
ti
ngf orlong, I
st
andupandheadtothedoorl
eav
ingthewait
er
wi
thmoreti
pthannecessar
y–Iam anyt
hingbut
st
arv
ed.

•
•
•

I
nganat
hi

TheAcademyi sopenbutunderdi fferent

management ,Iwould'vegonebackt herebutIdon’ t
wantt o,notyet.Noz i
phoi salreadyt hatside,they
havest art
edpr epari
ngf orthet ournamentbutIam
here,stuckwithSi mbonga.Wel lt
odayhedr agged
meoutoft hehouseandwear eint hef i
eld,
andhei s
tr
ainingme.Bel ieveitornot ,Iam act ual
lyenjoyingi
t.
Hei spushingmej ustli
keNomag. ..thatwoman
wouldhav e.Iam at t
endingt her apybutIam not
exactlyexpecti
ngt oheal over night.Iknowt hese
thi
ngstaketimesoIam patient.Whathappenedthe
otherdaywasasignthatIam ont heri
ghtpath,
Iwil
l
behealed–Icouldlethi
mi n,Ialsowaswill
ingt
ogo
allt
hewaywi thhi
m sothatmustcountf or
something.

“Youknowt hatshewi
l
lbepl
ayi
ngagai
nstusr
ight
?!”
Ihearhercallout
.

Itisreall
ydar know, thelightsarehelpingust osee
though–butwhati sshedoi nghereatt hist i
me?Oh
shoot ,If
orgott hatshel i
veshere.Simbongawav es
tomet hathewi l
lbebackandInod, continuingto
kickthebal lthrought hepoles.WhenIt urn,theyar e
chattinginhush- hushesaboutsomet hi
ng, sheis
smi l
ing,l
ookingupt ohi m.Ican’tseeSi mbonga’ s
facesoIki ckt hebal ltotheotherside.Hei slooking
strai
ghtintoherey eswi t
hacheesysmi leonhi sface,
what evertheyar etalkingaboutmustbeni ce
becauseIt hinkt heyhav eforgottenthatIam her e.
Hel aughsr eall
yhar d,Zobuhlepusheshi m awayon
thechestbuthedoesn'
tremainstandi
ngonthat
spotinst
eadhegoesbackt ostandi
ngjustaf
ew
stepsawayfrom her
.

Her emov essomet hingf rom herbr owandhei s

touchingherf ort ool ong, okayi twasonl yfort hree
secondsbuthewasn’ tsupposet ot ouchheri nthe
fi
rstpl ace.Onet hingIcant ellyouist hathei s
diff
erentwhenZobuhl ei saroundandIcan’ thel pbut
feelapi ngofj ealousycl oudingmymi nd.Iam no
l
ongerki ckingt hebal lordoi ngany t
hi ngthatIam
supposet o, i
nst eadIam l ooki ngatt heset wopeopl e
whol ookmuchcosi ert hanj ustbeingapl ayeranda
coachorf riends.Iknownot hingaboutr elati
onshi ps,
thi
st hingi sstillnewt omebutaguyi sn’tsuppose
totalkwi thanot herf emal ewhoi snothi ssi sterfor
mor et hanf ivemi nut es, Si
mbongaher ehasgone
overt enmi nut esandhedoesn’ tseem t oregister
thatwhathei sdoi ngi swr ong–i nsomanyl evels!

“
Simba,
Ineedt
ogethome,
”Isayl
ooki
ngathi
m and
notthatgir
l.Idi
dn’
tevengreet,
sheal
sodidn’
t
botheranditwasverycleart
hatshedi
dn’
tcare.The
onl
yper sonshesawishi m.

“O-
kay,
”hesays,l
ookingatmelikeheisl
ooki
ngfor
somethi
ng.“
Zobuhle,Iwil
lseeyoutomorr
ow,
”he
sayst
akingasteptowardsher–whereishegoi
ng?
Ist
andinbetweenhim andher,
whilel
ooki
ngathim
andheexhal
es.

“Iwi
ll
seeyoutomorr
owcoach,
”shesay
sov
ermy
shoul
derandl
eaves.

Hel ooksatme, Ihavemyhandsf oldedtomychest

andl ookingdamnser i
ous,don’tforgetangrytoo.He
sighsandgoest ocollectthetrai
ningequipment ,I
rememberhi m sayingthatthesestayinther oom
Zobuhl eisoccupy i
ngsoIqui cklysuggestthathe
l
eav esthem byhi sofficedoor,noonewi llseethem
there.Ijustdon’twanthimi nthatgirl
'spresence,
whoknowswhatshei splanning,somepeopl eare
sogood–f iveminutesisenoughf oraquicki
e.He
getsi
nthecar ,myseatbeltisalr
eadyf ast
enedandI
am wait
ingforhimtost artthecar.Hesuggestswe
getsomethingtoeatont hewayandIsaywhat ev
er,
hegetanythinghewant sbecauseIam nothungr y,I
am angry–butIdon’tsayt ellhi
mt hat,Ij
ustsayI
am nothungry.

Byt het
imehepar ksonthedr
iveway,mymindis
al
readymadeup–t here’
ssomethi
ngbrewing
betweenthosetwoandshameont hem f
ornotev
en
tr
yingtohidei
tfrom me!

“I
nganat
hi,
isther
esomet hi
ngwrong?”ohsoIam
notBuggi
eany more?Ihat
ethatnamebutIl
oveit
whenhecallsmelikethat
.

Istepint
ohi sbedroom wi
thoutut
ter
ingawordand
headt ot
hewar dr
obe,t
hatiswher
eIpackedmy
thi
ngs.Itakeoutmypy jamasandwenttothe
bathroom totakemycosmet i
cbag–Iwi l
lbe
sl
eepi
ngi
ntheguestbedr
oom t
oni
ght
.

“
Inganat
hi?
”hesoundsi
mpat
ientnow.“
Whati
sit
?”

“I
t'
snothi
ng,
”Isayr
eachi
ngf
ort
hedoorhandl
ebut
hestopsme.

“
YouknowIl
ovey
our
ight
?”

“Butnotasmuchasy oul
oveher
,”Isayl
ooki
ngupto
him andhel
ookstongue-
ti
ed–wow.Hewon’ tev
en
tryt
odenyit
.

Igetoutofhisgr
ipandopenedt
hedoor,hedoesn’
t
stopmet hi
stimeinst
eadhebur
ieshi
sfaceinsi
de
hi
shands.Iwon’tli
e,i
thur
ts.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-one

Zobuhl
e

Ijustf inisheddressingup, gettingr eadyt ogot o

wor k; yeahIstil
lhav et ogot owor ki nt hemor ning
andcomebackdur i
ngmi ddayf orpr act i
cesincewe
arer esumi ngwiththet ournament s.If ast enmy
shoel acesandt herei saknockont hedoor ,mor e
l
ikesomeonei sbangi ngont hedoorandt hisper son
seemst obedet ermi nedt obr eaki tdown–who
couldbesoangr ysoear lyint hemor ningandIdon’ t
l
ikev isi t
orsatthistimeoft heday .“Okay ,okayIam
comi ng, ”Isay,exhalingshar pl y.Ihopei tsnott he
kids’ neighbourswhoar eplay i
ngt ricksonme
becauseIwon’ tbehel dr esponsi blef orspanki ng
someone' schi
ld.Iyankt hedooropenandshest eps
forwar d, pushi
ngmeasi det ol ether selfin.Okay ,
I
closet hedoorandt urntol ookather ,slowlyfol di
ng
myar mst omychest .Shehast hrownherbagont op
ofmyunmadebedandshel ooksr eal l
ymad, she’s
f
umi
ng.

“Whatisgoi
ngonbet
weeny
ouandSi
mbonga?
”she
asks.

“
Hi,
Inganat
hi.Isl
eptwel
lthanky
ouandhowar
e
y
ou?”

Shebr eathsoutshar
ply,
shesur
elyl
ooksannoy edby
mysar casm –ifwecouldgobackalit
tl
e,just
rev
erseaf ewstepst
henImustsaythatIdon’
treal
ly
understandherquesti
on.

“
Whati
sgoi
ngon–”

“Nothing,
”Isaywit
hmyhandshangi
ngonthesi
des,
walkingpastherandt
owar
dsmybed.Ihav
et ol
eave
andshe’ sgoi
ngtomakemelat
e.
“IknowwhatIsawl
astni
ght
,”shesay
s,st
il
l
soundi
ngupset.

Ilookbackt oher ,Ir

eallydon’ tknowwhatshei s
talkingaboutori sshewor ri
edbecausewedi dn’t
i
ncl udeheri nourconv ersati
on, seri
ousl
yIdidn’t
thinkshehadapr oblem becauseshedi dn’tsayshe
did.Andwhyi ssheher equest i
oningmeandnot
Simbonga?Mysi l
enceseemst obecal mingher
down, thisisnotther eactionshewasexpect i
ngf or
andt hegirlthatfi
rstcamei nher ewasreadyt ofight
butshecamet othewr ongper son.Ihavenever
foughtf ororbecauseofamansoIwon’ tstartnow
andshebet tergetherf actsstraightbef
oreshe
accusesmeofsomet hing.

“Soyouarej ustgoingtostandthereandnotsay
anyt
hing?”shei sgetti
ngimpatientandagai
nIdon’
t
knowwhatshei stalki
ngaboutbecauseIam not
j
uststanding,Iam actuall
ymaki ngmybedandshe
coul
dmakeher selfusefulbyhelpi
ngme.
“Fi
rstofallI
nganathi
,Idon’tknowwhatisitt
hatyou
sawl astni
ghtandsecondly,youbeingherer
ight
nowi sgoingtomakemel ateforwork,
”Isay
,
alr
eadycheckingthetimeonmyphone.

“Areyoudating,orusedtodate?WhatIsawl ast
nightweretwol overs,
conver
singorcatchi
ngup,
andnoneofy ouseemedt obebotheredthatIwas
around.Areyout hathear
tl
essZobuhle?Youknow
Simbongaiswi thmenowso. ..
”

Iputmyhandupt ostopherf rom sayinganother

word,Iam amusedbywhatshej ustsaidbutIwon’t
l
aughbecauset hatmi ghtinf
uriateherevenmor e.I
knowSi mbongacangett ooclosewheni tcomest o
me,Idon’thaveapr oblem withitbecauseIknowi t
canneverbeany t
hingmor ethant hat
.

“
Iam l
esbi
anI
nganat
hi,
”It
ell
her
.
Shetakesast epback,Idon’ tknownwhatt helook
onherf acemeansbutbef oreIcoul dmakeoutwhat
i
tactuallymeans,shebur stsoutofl aughter.Li
ke
sheislaughingreal
lyhard, Idon’tknowwhi chpartI
sai
dwasf unnyorIdidn'
tpr onouncehername
corr
ectly?Shebreathsinshar plyagain,calming
downandcomposi nghersel f.Sheiswast i
ngmy
ti
me, Ishouldbegonebynow.

“You'
regood, Ishouldgivey outhatbuty oudon’t
foolme.Isthaty ourfamousl i
net hatyout el
levery
gir
lwhent heyconf r
ontyouaboutput ti
ngy ourclaws
ontothei
rmenbecausei fiti
stheni tpr
ov estome
thatyouarereallydeter
mi nedtokeepondoi ng
whateveri
tist hatyou’r
edoi ngwithmyman! ”

Idon’
thav et
imeforthi
s,wher edi
dSimbongaget
thi
sgirl
?Ipushherbagisi nt
oherhandswithi
n
seconds,Imovetotheothersideofther
oom toget
myownbagandheadt ot hedoor.I
fshedoesn'
t
fol
lowmeoutt henIwil
llockherinthenmaybewe
canf ini
shthi
sconv er
sati
onl at
erwhenhermi ndis
clearbecauser i
ghtnow,Ican’tgetanyt
hingthrough
her.Iam alsoupsetnow, Iam anythi
ngbutaman
stealer.Sheroughl
ygrabsmyar m asIr
eachf orthe
doorhandl eandIfeell
ikeslappingheracrossher
facebuti nst
eadIlashout..
.

“
Helovesmeokay
!”myvoi
ceshootsthr
ought
he
r
oofandherey
esgli
tt
erwi
thi
nseconds.

“
What
?”shesl
owl
ylet
sgoofmyar
m.

“That
'swhathetoldbutIdon’tl
ovehiml i
kethat.AsI
havesaidbef
ore–Iam l esbi
an,Idateothergi
rl
s
andnotmen,”Ishootatherbutshei snotfi
ghti
ng
anymore,i
fanyt
hing,shelooksdefeatedli
kewhatI
havesaidj
ustmadehermakesenseofsomet hing.

Il
ookatherassherever
sest
othebedandwhenthe
backofherl
egshi
ttheedge,
shesi
nksdown,Iwas
expect inghertodr opont hebedbutshegoesdown
unti
l sher eachest hef l
oor .At earescapesherey es
andshequi ckl
ywi pesi toff.Shel ooksreall
ysad, but
ti
meman–nowIneedt ocal lintosayIam goi ngto
belat e.Isigh,walkingt othebedt osi
tont opofi t
besidesherandwear eclose, myl egistouchingon
hershoul derandv icev er
sa.Shesni ff
lesandIj ust
l
etherbe.Thet houghtofdr aggingheroutcr osses
mymi ndandIj ustsmi leathowst upi
dIcanbe–
sheneedscomf ortbutIdon’ tevenknowwher eto
star
t, wi l
lsheev enl etmehugher ?

“WhenIt oldhim Iam lesbian, hewasn’ thappy.

..
I
thoughthe’dkickmeoutoft het eam becauseIhad
turnedhim down–y ouknowhowmenar ewiththei
r
egos,”IsaychucklingandIdon’ thearasound
comi ngfrom her
.Idon’ tknowwhyIt houghtofthat
becauseknowi ngSi mbongat hewayIdonow, even
i
fIt oldhi
mt hatIwasanal ienf rom space,he’
dhav e
sti
llkeptmeont het eam butt hatdoesn’ tchangethe
factthathewashur t
.Shesni fflesagainandIget
wor ri
ed,i
sitworthcr y
ingt hatmuch?It hought
tel
li
ngherthatIam lesbi
anwoul deasehermi ndbut
i
tseemst ohavemadet hingswor seormay beits
somethingel
se.Iwishshecoul dl ashoutonme
againsoI'
dknowwher ehermi ndi sat.Thesuni s
ri
singandlet
ti
ngmor eli
ghtinsidether oom –i fI
don’tl
eavenowt henImi ghtaswel lforgetabout
goingtowork.

“Hetoldmehel ovesme. .
.”shesay s,exhal
ing,“butI
knowhel ovesy oumor e.Isawt hewayhewas
l
ookingatyoul astnight,t
hewayhewassmi l
ingand
helookedrelaxedandcomf or
table–hewashappy .
”
Shesniff
lesagai n,wipi
ngherf ace.“Itol
dhimt hat
hedoesn'tl
ov emel i
kehel ovesyouandhedi dn’t
eventryt
odenyi twhichmeansi tistr
ue.”

Idon’tr
eall
yunder standhowshemustbef eel
ingbut
myhear tbreaksforher,Idon’twantSimbongat o
l
ovemel i
ket hati
fitisgoingtoruinhi
srelati
onshi p
wit
hher .Iwishhecoul dhateinsteadbecauset hisis
hurt
inghermor et
hani thurt
shimt hathecan’tbe
wit
hme.Ipl
acemyhandonhershoulderassome
sor
tofcomf
ort
,shei
snotcr
yinganymoresoIthi
nk
ofi
tasagoodsi
gn.

“Youdon’thavetoworryaboutme, Iwon’
tdo
anyt
hingtoputy ourr
elat
ionshipinj
eopardy–i fhe
sayshelovesy ouandwant stobewithyout henI
wil
lrespectthat.
”Shenodsbutr emai
nssilent.

Iexhal
esoftl
y,r
etrievingmyhandf r
om hershoul
der
andwaitf
orhertost andupsoshecouldleavebut
sheremainsseatedont hefl
oor
.Isi
ghagain.Wesit
ther
einsi
lenceforwhatseem l i
keforev
erbefore
sheopenshermout h,“Idon’
twanttopl
ayball
anymore,
”shesay s.

“
Why ?”Iask,
fai
li
ngtosuppresst
heshockinmy
v
oice.Iknowthatshei
sgoodandl ovespl
ayi
ng
f
ootballsowhywouldsheletgoofthat
?
“Ij
ust..
.whenev erIgetinsidethef i
eld, mymi ndj ust
getsfloodedwi thal otofhor r
iblememor ies–t he
thi
ngsshedi dtomeandhowshemademef eel.
Thattime, Igotinsidethef i
eldtoper form wel l,just
tomakeherpr oudt hinkingthatwill
makeherl essof
whatshewas, thatmay beit’
dmakeherst op
punishingmebutt hatonl ymadeherwor se.The
bett
erIpl ayed,themor eat t
entionIat tr
act edt o
myself–Iwoul d'veplayedbadbutshewoul dn' tlet
me,”sheshakesherheadandIcant ellbyherbody
l
anguaget hatshei scryingagain.

Isli
dof fthebedandsatnextt oher ,
shei sindeed
cryi
ng.Ifeel moresorryforher,noper sondeser ves
anythingthatshewentt hroughoranyot hergirl
sout
there.Thatwomandi dmor edamaget hanshe
thoughtshewasdoi ng,thephysicalpaincannev er
becompar edtotheemot i
onalpainandi tisworse
becausewhat ev
eritisthatyou’r
ef eeli
nginsidecan
easilybemi ssedbecauset heotherper soncan’tsee
i
t.Isitfacingtowardsher ,
cupherl eftcheekt o
makeherl ookatmeandshebat sherbi groundey es.
Idon’tknowhowoneper soncanhav esuchbigey es.
Iwipehercheeksdr y,Idon’
tknowifIam imagining
thi
ngsbutt hemor eIlookatherthemoret hespace
betweenuscl osesinandbeforeIknowi t
,Iam
breathi
nginherbr eat
heandshei sbreat
hinginmi ne.
Onemov eandmyl i
pscanlandonher sbutli
ftmy
faceupt okissheronherbrowi nst
eadandpul lher
i
nf oratightsqueeze.

Sheholdsmej ustasti
ghtandthenIhearacar
dri
vi
ngi n.Webothpull
awayfrom theembraceandI
say,“
Ithinki
t’
stimetogoclai
my ourman.”

•
•
•
Si
mbonga

Wear ebackont hetournament sandthingsar e

l
ookinggoodf orourteam.Nomagugu’ steam hasa
newcoach, Ithinktheyrot atedallt
hest affmember s
andt hewhol et eam wasputonacounsel l
ing
programme.I nganathitoldmeaboutherpl ansto
l
eav efootballandf ocusonschool ,Idon’tknowhow
Ifeelaboutt hatbecausei fsheletsgothent hat
meansNomaguguwi nsbuti tcanalsomeant hat
sheknowswhati sgoodf orherandi fstayingoutof
thegamemakesherhappyt henitisagooddeci sion
tomake.Myt eam isjustasf i
redupasi thasbeen
beforeandIam t rul
yconf identthatwehav eabright
futur
eaheadofus.Iam f ocusingonmaki ngsure
thattheteam pl ayswell andIhav epushed
Wey mout h’
st hreatsatthebackofmymi nd.

Theteam i
snotcompl et
ewit
houtSl
i
ndil
eandweall
missherbutthelastmemori
eswehaveofherar
e
notreal
l
yfri
endlysowet r
ybyal
lmeanstoavoi
d
ment i
oninghername.Shewasagoodpl ay erbut
shewasal sogoodatot hert hingswhichmade
thi
ngswor seforher ,
Iam notsay ingshedeser ved
whathappenedt oherbutIhopeshel earntal esson
andifafterl
if
edoesexi st,Ihopebyt het i
mewe
meetagai nshe’
dhav er epent ed.Wehav ewonal l
gamest hatwehav eplayedsof arbutthatdoesn’ t
meanwehav etot akeabr eakf r
om practicingbut
therewardsareget ti
ngbi ggerandbi gger, andIam
thi
nkingofthrowinginaspadayf ort
hegi rlsand
Zobuhlecanbei nchar geofmaki ngsur ethatt hi
ngs
goaccordingtoplan.

“Youhavebeenonthatcomputersinceyoucame
back,
”shesays,wal
ki
ngintotheroom thatIhav
e
tur
nedint
omyst udywhereIdoallthepaperwork
whenIam notinmyoffi
ce.

Ilookupandsheiswrappedinasil
kywhitegown,
shecanbeneedysomet i
mesbutIpromisednever
totouchherunt
ilshei
strul
yready–iti
stort
urebut
Iam will
ingtowait
.Shewentt hroughalotoftr
auma
andIdon’ twantt
obet hecauseofhersetback.
Therapyisgoingwell
,Icanseebecauseshei s
openingupabi tmoreandshedoesn’ tcr
ymuch
whenshement i
onsthatwoman’ sname.Isti
llf
eel
thatj
aili
sal i
ghtpuni
shmentf orherbutdeat
h
would'v
ebeent ooeasyforhertoo.

“Justaf
ewminutesmor
eandIwi
l
lbeal
lyour
s,”I
sayandshesmil
es.

Asshecl osest hedoor, anemai l

from Wey mout h
comesi n–Isi gh–t hisgivesmemor ereasont o
j
ustgot obednow.Icl osethelaptopwi thout
viewingit, t
hatmant hinksIwillplayi ntohishands
buthedoesn' tknowme.Iwoul dnev ersetmy sel
ffor
fail
ure,hecancomewi t
hhisthreatsbutIhav e
biggerguns.Iwentt hroughal ottogetwher eIam
andIam notaboutt ol etitgojustliket hat,andI
won’tlethi mt akei
tawayf r
om me.Iam Si mbonga
Masuku, r apedornot ,
Iam st i
l
l aman.
Igetinsidethebedr oom andshei sal r
eadyi nbed.
Wehav ebeenr eal
lygoodt hepastt womont hs,I
don’tknowwhathappenedorwhatchangedbutshe
l
ooksmuchhappi erandlessinsecur e.Iwant edt
o
tal
kaboutZobuhl ebutshepushedt heideaoutt he
windowandsai ditdoesn’tmat t
erany mor e.Wehav e
beengoodev ersinceandi fwear enotar guing
aboutnotput ti
ngmydi r
tysocksi nthesame
washingbasketast herestofhert hi
ngst henwe’ d
befighti
ngov erthet ast
elessfoodIcooked–we
won’tbef i
ghtingaboutot herpeopleandwear ei
na
goodspace.

“
Ispoket
omamaear
li
er,
shepassesherr
egar
ds.
”

“Thati
sni
ce, Imi
ssherfood–shemustpostus
thatmout
hwat er
ingbeanscur
ryofher
sit
'dbever
y
nicewi
thsteamedbread,
”Isayremovi
ngmyshoes.

“Yousayl
i
key
ouar
egoi
ngt
ocookt
hatst
eamed
bread.
”
“
Ihav
eyousoIdon’
thav
etowor
ryaboutt
hat
.”

“Iwon’
tslavearoundtheki
tchenforyou–nev er,
evenmymot herwouldhav
eahear tatt
ackifshe
fi
ndsoutthatIam liv
ingwit
hy ouandmyf ather
woulddefini
tel
ydisownme, andyouknowwhatt hat
meansright?”

If
rown,
“what
?”

Sheexhal
esshar
ply
,put
ti
ngherphoneawayandI
walkt
owardsher
.

“I
fmyfatherdi
sownsmet hatmeansIwon’tgetmy
carwhenIgraduat
e,”shesul
ksandIchuckl
e.

“Idon’
tthi
nkhe’
ddothat,i
fany
thi
ng,
he’
drathercut
offmyball
sinst
eadoflet
ti
ngyougo,
”If
li
pthe
cover
soffher
,reveal
ingherbarethi
ghs–she
temptsmeallt
het i
me,Idon’tknowifshel
i
kes
seei
ngmemi serabl
e.

“What .
..
”shesay saspullherl
egssoshel ayonher
back.Shel ooksatmepuzzl edascrawli
nbet ween
herlegsandIl eanintoki
ssheront heli
ps.Itisan
i
ntense, ar
ousingkisswit
hmyhandsal lov erher
soft
, smoot hskinandsheismoaninginmymout h
wit
hherhandsgr i
ppi
ngonmyshoul derandback,
pul
li
ngmei nformorebutIcan’tgi
veherthat,not
yet
.

Ipulloutandshebr eat
hsoutheav il
y.Herl i
pslook
sl
ightlyswoll
enandshel ooksbeaut i
fulwhenIknow
she’
shor nywi t
hev eryinchofherbodyy earni
ngfor
myt ouch.“Iwantyout omeetmyson, ”Isayandshe
shootherey eswideopenl iketheyar enotal r
eady
bigenough.“ Iwantt otakey ouhomewi t
hme, ”It
ell
herandshel ooksint omyey es,searchingandIhope
shefindswhatshei slookingf orbecauseIam
seri
ousabouther.Iwanthernow, t
omorrow,t
heday
befor
ethatandthedayafterthatti
l
lfor
evercomes
tousbecausewewi ll
bepatientl
ywaiti
ngineach
other
’sar
ms.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-Two

Si
mbonga

Shel ooksner vous, shekeepsonbi tinghernai lsand

Iam wor riedt hatshe’ dendupbl eeding.It akeher
handandki ssherknuckl es,sheheav esasi ghfor
theumpt eent htimeandIknowi fIlaughshe’ dbite
myheadof f.Idon’ tknowwhatshe’ swor r
iedabout ,
i
twasherwhot ookmet oherpar entsnotsol ong
agobutshel ookswor set hanhowIf elt.Ihav et r
ied
everythingi nthebookt omakehercal m downbutI
can’tgett hroughhersoIhav eletherbe.Whenwe
getther e, shewi l
lseet hattherewasnot hingt obe
worriedabouti nt hef i
rstplace.Themuni cipali
tysti
ll
hasn'tdugdeepenoughi nsidethegov ernment '
s
pocketort heyhav ethemoney ,it’
sjustt hatt hey’
d
notusi ngi tf orwhati tismeantf or–Iser iouslycan’t
beli
ev et hatt hev il
lagest i
llhasgr avel r
oadswi th
potholest oo!Si ghs.
“I
sthatyourhouse?”sheasks,
leani
ngforwar
dto
haveagoodl ookatthehousethatweare
approachi
ng.

“
Yeah.
”

“Wow,”shesay sst i
l
l l
ookingati tandIpar kout side
thegate.“It'
shugeSi mbonga, ifmymot herwast o
seethishouset henshe’ddr opdeadont hespot .”I
s
shekiddingme?Herpar ent'
shousei smuchbi gger
thanthisoneormay beitstandsoutmor ebecause
oftheot herhousesnextt oit.ButIstil
lbelieveher
housei smuchbi ggerthanthi sone.Ibui l
tmy
parentsabi ghouse–t heydi dn’twanttol eavet his
placesoIbr oughtUmhl angat ot hem –Ihadt o
thankthem wi thsomet hingf orhowt heymadesur eI
hadev erythi
ngwhi leIwasgr owingup.Bei ngt he
onlychilddidn’
thel patallbecausebl ackt axfell
ontomyshoul dersalonebutIwaspai dwel lsoi t
wasn’tmuchofast ruggleandmypar entsarenot
demandi ngsoi twasabr eeze.
Igetoutoft hecarandl uckilythest reet sarequi et,i
f
notthenI ’
dhav ehadt hewhol ev il
lagedemandi ng
hugsandsel fi
eswhi chcanbet i
ringbecausei tnev er
ends.Ev entheel der sendupi nvitingmei nt
ot hei r
homesbef oreIcanev enstepi nsidemyownhouse
andgr eetmypar ent s.Thati sanot herr easonwhyI
stayedaway .Iopent hegat eandwentbackt ot he
carsoIcandr i
vei n.Thehousei st heonl ything
moder naboutmypar ent'shouse, othert hant hat
everythi
ngi sstilltradi t
ionalandmanual .Iparki n
fr
ontoft hehouseandst epoutoft hecar .The
gardenlooksgr eat ,Iam sur eKwandot akescar eof
i
t–i twasmychor et oowhenIwasgr owi ngupand
mymot herwoul dal way smakesur et hatIwat ered
herflowersbef or eIwentt oschool i
nt hemor ni
ng
andbef oreIeatsupperi ntheaf ter noon.

IhaveInganathi
’
shandi nmyhandaswewal ktothe
door.It
oldmypar entst
hatIam cominghomeand
theywerehappyt ol
earnthenewsthatthei
rprodi
gal
sonhasf i
nall
yremember edt
hathedoeshav ea
home.Iam excitedtoseeKwando,Tinawasalso
encouragingformet oseehim andseehowf arI
havecomewi thther
apy.Iknockont hedoorandshe
l
ooksatme, andIsmi l
e.Thedooropensandmy
motherappear swithmyf at
herwalkingtowardsthe
doorbehindher .Thesmileonherfaceandt hetear
s
well
inginherey es,makesmef eelasbadasIshoul d.
Shepullsmei nandhugsmet ight
ly.Ipull
away,“I
missedy ouSimbonga,”shesay sf
ightingbackher
tear
sandsmi l
ingwidely
.

“Imissedyout
oo.Babahowar
eyou?
”Iaskwi
tha
handshake.

“Iam good,weareallgood.Ngenanini
ngami
emnyangobazot hi
niabantu,
”hesaysandwestep
i
nsidebutitisnotforl
ong.

IhearI
nganat
higag, shegagsagai
nandcoversher
mouth.“I
’
m sorr
y,”shesaysrunni
ngbackoutsi
de.
Bothmypar entslookatmef oranswersbutIhav e
none.Iam j
ustasshockedast heyarebutitquickly
cl
icks–lavender!Irunoutofthehousel eavi
ngt hem
bothfr
ozenwi thshockandfoundI nganathivomiting
onmymot her ’
sflowers,
ohthisisnotgood, not
goodatall
.

“Areyouokay?”Iaskwithmyhandonherbackas
sheremainsbentoverthegarden.Iwil
lhav
et o
cleani
tbefor
emymot herset
sherey esonit.

“Iam f
ine,
”shesayswithhoarsev
oice,
shegags
agai
nandIwai tf
oritbutnothi
ngcomesout.

Iturntolookt owardsthehouseandmymot heris

standingthereintheveranda, l
ooki
ngatus.
Inganathistandsupandst retchesherback.“I’
m
sorry,
”shesay swipingherlipswiththebackofher
hand.Itellhernottowor ry
,Iknowt hesmellof
l
av endertri
ggershertov omit–shet ol
dmei tonl
y
madehergagbutnowshedoesn' tholditbackand
shejustlet
sitout.Thatiswhathertherapistadvi
sed
hertodo–shedoesn' tneedtohol
dbackon
anyt
hingany moreandsheshoul djustall
owher
bodytoletgoifneedt obe, t
hesamegoesf orthe
tear
s.Ifshewantst ocry,shemustjustcry.

“Iam sorr
yma,”shesaystomymot herbuttheold
womani slooki
ngatmel i
keshewant scutmyhead
off.Ishr
ugandshet ur
nstolookatInganathiwit
ha
smi l
eonherfaceli
keshedidn’tt
hreatenmej ust
now.

“
Arey
ouokaybaby
?”sheasks.

I
nganathi
nods,
“it
'st
hesmel
lofl
avendert
hatIdon’
t
l
i
kev er
ymuch.”

Maturnst olookatmeandIswearwi t
hmyey esthat
Idi
dn'timpregnat
eher,wel
lnotyet
,ifthat’
swhat
she’
st hi
nkingabout
.Sheushersusinsidethehouse
afterexchangingafewmor ewor ds.Babai sstil
l
standingwher eIlef
thim, t
henMashout sf or
Kwandot ocomeandgr eetus.Thewayt hehousei s
soqui etIwassur ethathewasn’thome.Heappear s
downt hestai
rs,
walkingslowlytowar dsusand
standsnextt ohisgrandmawi thhishandst ugged
behindhi sbackandhi sheadboweddown.Hei sjust
standingt her
ewithnoexci t
ementatal l,
thisisnot
thereactionIwasex pecti
ngev enmypar entsarenot
happy .

“
Heybuddy
,”Igr
eet
.

“Hi
,”herai
seshi
sheadf
orasecondt
henhedr
opsi
t
again.

“Okayum, ever
yonet hi
sisI
nganathi–mygi r
lf
ri
end,”
Itellthem andtheeldersl
ookateachot herbefore
turningtolookatuswi thsmil
esont heirfaces.Well
Sisandai stheonlywomant heyknewandaf t
erthatI
hav eneverbroughtanyonehome; Ialsodi dn’
tthi
nk
I
'
dfi
ndhersosoon.

“I
tisni
cetomeetyou,
”Inganat
hisay
sasshehand
shakesbot
hofthem.

“Si
mbongay oushoul dhav etoldmet hatshedoesn'
t
l
ikelav
ender,lookhowuncomf ort
abl
eshei sand
nowIhav etosett het
abl eoutsidehayikodwa,
”that
i
smymot hercompl ai
ning.IfIknewshe’ dusethe
l
avenderflav
our eddetergentsthenIwoul d'
vet
old
hernotto.

Sheleavestheroom wi t
hmyf atherfoll
owingbehind
her,t
hatmancan’ tstayawayfrom hiswomanf ora
secondlongerandhef ail
stodoany t
hingforhimsel
f.
Iwouldn'
tbesurprisedifshesti
lltakesoffhisshoes
wheneverhecomesbackhomef r
om doinghi s
roundschecki
ngont hevil
l
agers–hei sapeople'
s
personli
kethat.
“
Kwando,hi.
”Shegr
eet
sandher
aiseshi
sheadt
o
l
ookather.

“Ar
eyoutheonewhohasbeenkeepingmyfather
awayfr
om me?”heasksandInganat
hii
sshocked
asIam.“Ar
eyouthereasonwhy–”

“Kwando!”Isnap.Ididn’tmeant obuthecan’tbe
blamingInganathiformyfaults,shei
snotthe
reasonforanythingotherthanthatmyheartfli
esout
mychestwhenev ershelooksintomyey es.

Hedoesn'tstandther eforasecondl onger

, het ur
ns
andrunsupt hestairs.Isigh,t
hishasgonef r om bad
toworse.It
houghthewasokay ,t
hatiswhathet ol
d
mewhenwespokeont hephoneandhenev er
quest
ionedmebutnowhei sactingoutofchar acter
.
Thati
snott heKwandoIknow, theboyIraised
wouldnevertalktoany onel i
kethatandhisv oi cedid
notonlyl
ackr espectbutitwasal solacedwi thso
muchangerandpai n.“Iwillgospeaktohim, letma
know.”IkissheronthecheekandIclimbupthe
stai
rs.Imayhav enotbeenhereforalongt
imebutI
knowmywayar oundt hehouse.Hei
snotinthefir
st
guestbedroom Icheckedsohemustbei ntheother
one.Iknockont hecloseddoorandnoonerepl
ies
soIturnthehandletoopent hedoor
.

Iwal
kinandheisbusyputti
nghistext
booksi
nsi
de
hi
sbags.Hedoesn'
teventurntol
ookatmeasIl et
mysel
fin.Hi
sroom l
ookscleanandnothi
ngli
kehow
minel
ookedli
kewhenIwashi sage.

“
Kwando,
canwet
alk?
”

“Ican’
t,
gogosai
dlunchi
sreadyandIcan’
tbel
ate,
”
hesayszippi
ngt
hebagandputti
ngitasi
de.

“Iam sorr
y.I
twasn'tI
nganat
hi’
sfaultt
hatIst
ayed
away,shehadnothingtodowiththatandIam sor
ry
i
flookingoutfory
oulookedli
keIdidn’
tcareabout
y
ou.I
tisj
ustt
hatIdi
dn’
twantt
ohur
tyou,
okay
?”

Hetur nsar oundwi tha‘pleasef indmebecauseIam

l
ost’faceandIexhal eshar ply.Iguessi tisti
meIt old
him ev eryt
hing,Iknowhemi ghthav eseen
somet hingont hei nter
netort henewspaper sandi f
notthensomeonemusthav et oldhim somet hing.I
thi
nkt hatiswher ehi sangeri scomi ngf rom andhe
wantssomeonet obl ame.Hecanbl amemef or
everything,nooneel se,notev enhi msel fbecauseI
wast heonewhowasr aped, whowasamess
becauseoft hetraumaandIam t heonewhoki ll
ed
ourrelationshipwhi l
etryingtopr otecthim.Thel ast
thi
ngIwant edwast ohur thim, Ididn’
twanthi mt o
gothroughwhatIwentt hroughandendupl i
keme.I
hadt obr eakthechai nbuti nthatpr ocessheal so
suff
er edandIhat emy selfforthat .

“Sodoesthatmeany ouwil
lnolongerbest
ayi
ng
away?Doesi tmeanIcanstaywithyou?
”heasks
aft
erIhav
el ethi
mi nbutnotful
l
ybecausesome
thi
ngsarenotsui
tabl
etobehear
dbyhi syoungear
s
andIdon'twantt
orui
nhispur
emi nd–Idon’twant
himtohav eni
ght
mares–that
'dbecruel.

“Iwantust oworkonourr el
ati
onship,ifi
ttakesus
l
ivi
ngt oget
heragainthenlet
’sdoit.Ijustwantyou
tobeapar tofme, Iwanttorai
sey out obeabetter
mant hanthemanIam, makey ouhappybutmostof
allIwantt oprotectbutIwanttodoi tri
ghtthi
s
ti
me, ”Itell
him andhenodsr apidl
y.

“It
hinkIl
i
keInganat
hi,
shel
ooksl
i
keani
ceper
son,
”
hesaysandIchuckl
e.

“
Youhav
en'
tseenany
thi
ngwena,
she’
sanangel
.
”

Hei
ssmi l
i
ngandIcoul dn'
thaveaskedforanyt
hing
more.Hei
smypr ior
it
y,thecent
reofmyl i
feand
f
rom nowonIwi l
lworkonbeingthebestdad.
“
Comeher e,
”Iopenmyar msforhim andhelooksat
me.

“
Isi
tsaf
e?”

“Whatdoy oumeani fit

'ssaf e–Iam y ourfather,
aren’tI
?”henods.“ Thencome, ”Ismiletohi m, he
standsupandwal kstowar dsme.Het hrowshi s
armsar oundmyneckandIhughi m back.Iendedup
sit
tingont hefloorwhenIwast ell
inghi m allt
hatI
couldtellhim andbeingint hi
sposi ti
on,hav i
nghi m
thissocloset omef eel
sl i
keami l
lionbucksand
mor e.Nowor dscanexpr essj usthowhappyIam t o
touchhim wi t
houtanyf earcloudingmymi nd.“Il
ove
youson. ”

“
Ilov
eyout
oodad.
”

•••
Afterlunch, Ijusthadt ot alktomyf at
herandf ind
outhowt het hingswithr egardst ot heNGOhav e
beengoi ng.Iknowar oundher et heywon’ tbeshort
ofany thingwi thmyf atherar ound, healway sdoes
thi
ngst ohi sbestabi l
it
yandl ikespl ayi
ngher o,he
evengoesasf arassavingt hosewhodon’ tneed
saving.Wet alkaboutspor t
s, t
hecows, abouthow
mucht hev i
ll
agehasn’ tchangemuchsi nceIlast
cameher eandheasksaboutI nganathi.Thereis
somet hingt hatIwantt ot al
kt ohi m aboutbutIcan’t
seem t of indt hewayt opushi tthroughour
conv ersation.

“Thatboy,Kwando, heisagoodboybutthereis
somet hi
ngmanSi mbonga.HeisdistantandIcan’
t
reachouttohim,”het el
lsmeandIthinkthi
sisthe
perfectt
imetotellhim.

“Ihavebeengoi
ngt hr
oughsomet hi
ngsbabasoit
affect
edourrel
ati
onshipasf
atherandson.SoI
guessthati
swhyhehasbeenact ingli
kethat
,”he
stopswal ki
ngandl ooksatme.Iknowhewant sto
knowwhatexact l
yisitthatIhav ebeengoing
through–i shetheonl ythingthathaschanged
aroundher e,Imeandoesn’ ther eadnewspapers
any more?“Ihavebeenat tendingt her
apy,
fort
wo
yearsnow, becauseIwasr apedwhenIwas15by
mycoach.Di skytoo,heassaul t
edme. ”

Hebreat
hsinsharpl
y, l
ookingawayf r
om me.Iknow
Di
skywashi smosttrustedf r
iend,
hetrust
edhim
wi
thmebuthesawi tasanoppor t
uni
tytofeedon
hi
ssickcrav
ings.Hedoesn' tsayanyt
hingforagood
minut
e.

“Iam sorryson,”hel ooksupt ome.Hisfacehas

fal
len,Ididn’tsayany t
hingbecausethi
sisnotthe
faceIwant edt osee.Ididn’
twanthimt oseeitas
hisfault,
Ididn’twanthi mtoblamehimsel fl
i
keI
don’twantKwandot oblamehi msel
fforourfai
l
ed
rel
ationship.“Itr
ustedhim, hewasagoodmanorso
Ibeli
ev ed–Ishoul dn'thaveall
owedhimi nsi
demy
housenoral
lowyouanycloset
ohim,”hesounds
upsetnowandthi
sisexactl
ywhatIdi
dn’
twant.

“I
twasn'tyourfaultbaba, Ineverblamedy ou–t hat
would'
vebeenwr ongofme.Hei stoblamebutmy
mindisnol ongerthere,t
het herapyhashel pedalot
andIhav emov edon.Hei snotaf actori
nmyl if
e,I
meant heyarenotf actor
s, Iam myownper sonandI
wil
lli
vemyl if
e.Iwillnotletthem ortheiracti
ons
holdmeback. ”

IknowIhav eforgi
venthem, there’snothingbetter
thanaccept i
nganapol ogyy ouhav enev errecei
ved,
mov ingonf r
om somet hingbecausehol dingontoit
doesn'tandwon’ tbri
ngy ouanyhappi nessnorpeace.
Iam atagoodpl acenowt hatIhav echosent obreak
offthechains, t
heynol ongerhav etheirholdonme, I
havechosent osetmy selffreebyf orgivingthem.I
madeapr omi setothatboy ,Ipromi sedhi mthatI
will
comebackt ohi
m whenIl ef
thi m andnowIam
back.Iwillalsokeepmypr omi seatbei ngabet ter
father.Hewillbeproudofmel i
keIam proudofhi
m
andt hismanr i
ghtheredidal
lhecouldtoprot
ectme
butsomet imesy oucan’
tstopfate.I
twasdesti
ned
formet ogothroughthi
ssoI’dmeetpeopleli
ke
Zobuhl e,I
nganathiandNomagugu.

“Youareabet
termant
hanI
'dev
erbe,
”hesay
s
placi
nghi
shandonmyshoul
der
.

•
•
•

I
nganat
hi

Ihavebeensleepingi
ntheguestbedr
oom thelast
twodays,Si
mbonga’ smotheri
sworsethanmy
motherandev er
ymor ni
ngIwakeup,Ifi
ndheron
mydoorstep.She’dmakeahorri
blemother
-in-
law
butIlikeher .Ourstayhasbeenr eall
ynice,Kwando
i
sget tinglessandl esscagey.Ionceaddr essedhim
as‘Kuhl e’andt heboylookedatmel ikeIhadcussed
him andher anoutoft heroom.Si mbongat ol
dme
thathismot herusedtocallhimlikethatandIwas
verysor ry
, Ipromisednevertocallhi
ml i
ket hat
,li
ke
ever.Hi sfatherhadtospeakt ohim again,and
hopeful l
ytoldhi mthatIam notheretor epl
acehis
mot her.

Thecut l
eryi ntheki t
cheni swow, Simbongar eal
ly
didalotofwor kandhespental otofmoneyt o
makesur ethathi sparentshaveev erythi
ngt hatthey
needbutIdon’ twi shformymot hert oseet his.That
womant reatsev erythi
ngascompet it
ionandshe’ d
runmyf ather’
sbankaccount sdryj ustt omakesur e
thatshet opswhat everthati
sint hishouse.She
mightaswel lsuggestt hatmyf atherbui ldshera
housei nMar s,that ’
showbadshecanget–Ihav e
seenitbef orewitht hestokvell
adi es–t hedr ama
neverended.Butt hatwasunt il
myf athert ol
dhert o
l
eav ethegr oup,itwasnothel pingherwi thany thi
ng
anditwasmor eofapr
oblem tohim becausehehad
topayfort
hingsshedi
dn'tevenusebutbought
them i
nthenameofhavingthem.

“I
nganat
hi,
canyouhel
pmewit
hthi
swordpuzzl
e?”
heasksasImakemywaydownthest
air
s.

“
Whydon’tweplayout
sideinst
ead,Imeaniti
snot
r
aini
ng,
”hi
sfat
hersuggestsandtheboyfrowns.

“Thi
sisthereasonwhyIchoset hespell
ingbee
i
nsteadofsoccer.Withyouithasal waysbeen
soccert
hisandsoccerthat;don’tyougettir
ed?”
Simbongajustburst
soutofl aughterandIsmi l
e,
taki
ngasitonthechairaroundt hedini
ngtable,
that
’swheretheyaresit
ti
ng.

“Iwondert
ooKwando,hei
ssobadIcan’
tbeli
evehe
hadtimeforhi
sbookswhi
l
ehewasstil
latschool
.”
“Ibetnot
,healwaysref
usedt
ohel
pmepract
ice
spell
ingt
hewor dsorhel
pmewit
hanyofmyessay
assessments.
”

“I
tlooksli
kehisbr
ainsar
einhi
sfeeti
nst
eadofhi
s
head,yeah?”

“
Yeah,
”theboynodsl
ooki
ngathi
sfat
her
.

“
Iam her
eyouknow.
”Hehasst
oppedl
aughi
ngsoi
t
i
sourtur
ntol
augh.

“Thepoorboywoul
d’v
ediedimagi
nehavi
ngacoach
bothatschool
andathomephelawenaSimbonga
youneverknowwhentostop,
”It
ell
him.

“Ohreal
l
y?”hel eansforwardt
othetabl
ewithhi
s
handsentwined.Idon’tknowwhatheisdoi
ngbuthe
can’
tpossibl
ybel ooki
ngatmewi t
hbedroom ey
es
wi
thhi
ssonar
ound.

“Yesreal
ly
,”Isayt
henturnt
oKwando.“Yousai
dyou
needhelp,
”Itakeoutapenfr
om hi
spencil
caseand
Simbongaleavesther
oom.

KwandoandIcont i
nuewi tht hepuzzle.Thepar ents
wentout ,apparentl
yoneoft hemostr espectedmen
aroundt hevill
agepassedonsot hati
swhyt he
street
shav ebeenempt y .Ever yonehasgat heredat
theman’ shomeandi ti
spastsi xo’ cl
ockwhen
Kwandodeci desthathehashadenoughoft he
puzzles.Hegoest ohisr oom andIcl earthetabl e.
Thepar entsarest i
l
lnotbackandatl east
Simbonga’ smot hertoldmenott ocook,Idon’tev en
knowwhatIwoul d'
vepr epar edf orthem.Ihav en't
seenSi mbongasi ncehel eftmewi thKwando, Iwill
j
ustgot omyr oom andt akeashowert hengeti nto
bed–Iwi l
lseeev eryonei nt hemor ni
ng.

Ist
epi
nsi
demydesi
gnat
edr
oom andIcl
ose.
..
what
now, Ilookandhei sstandingt herelookingatme.
Hepushest hedooropenandIst epback.Ashe
stepsi nhiseyesar eonmi neandIf eeltheroom
alreadybecomi ngsmal l
erforthet woofus.He
closest hedoorandhepul l
smet ohi schest .
“Simb. .
.”heshutsmeupwi t
haki ss.Hi stongueis
roami ngallar
oundmymout h,hei ssucki ngallt
he
airinmeandIam st ruggl
ingt obr eathe.Ipushhis
backwhi l
edrawi nginairintomyl ungs,“whatare
youdoi ng?”IaskbutIdon’ tgetananswer .He
kissesmeagai nandwear eont hebedwi thin
seconds.Thet -
shirtIwaswear ingf l
iesoutandI
kickof fmyshoes–myhear tisget tingreall
yexcit
ed,
fi
nal l
yIam get t
ingwhatIhav eal way swant ed
but .
..
”yourparents,”Isayaf t
erpushi nghi m backa
bit.

“Theywon’
tbebackforanhourorso;Iwanty
ou.”
Thatmakesmemel tandmycli
tconti
nuestothr
ob
excit
edl
y.
Ipullhimi nt oki sshi m andIl ov ehowhekeepson
touchingmybody ,tr
yingr eall
yhar dnott oleav eany
partunt ouched.Hehasst ri
ppedal lofmycl othing
andIam heav ing, yearni ngf orhi m ev enmor e.I
chewonmyswol lenbot tom lipasIwat chhim st ri
p
offhispant s, atleasthel etmer emov ehi sshi r
tbut
thewai thasbeenl ongov erdue.Whenher emov es
hisboxer s,Icl osemyey esbr eat hingi nsharpl y.
“Lookatme, ”Ihearhi m sayandIsl owl yopenmy
eyes.“Iwon’ thur tyou, ”het ellsmeandInod,
swallowi nghar d–ar et heyal l t
hi sbig?Ibl i
nkandhe
i
sont opofmeagai n,looki ngdownt omeandl eans
i
nt otakemyl ipsagai n.Myhear tisbeat i
ngf aster,i
s
thi
sreal lywhatIwant ed?If eel him onmyent rance
buthedoesn' tent er,hest ayst her eandIf eel his
thumbr ubbingmycl i
t.That ’swhatdr i
v esmecr azy
andIf indmy selfmoani ngagai n.

Hei
ssti
ll
dir
ectl
yonmyentrancethatisget
ting
mor
eandmor efl
oodedashecontinuestor
ubhi s
t
humbonmycl i
t.Mybodyhasrel
axedbutmyhear t
i
sst
il
lpumping,
myv agi
nawall
sarei t
chi
ng,burni
ng,
theywantsomet hingandt hatsomet hi
ngishim.He
slowlypushesi nandIhol dmybr eath.Hethrustsin
slowlyandIcl enchmyj awsnear lybiti
nghi
sl i
ps.I
feelhim ashecont inuest osepar at
emywal l andit'
s
l
ikeIhav ebeendr ugged, If eelhigh.Hehumps
slowly,whilebreathingheav i
lyagainstmyear–t his
nothingcompar edt oany thingIhav eev erf
eltbefore.
Thepai nout weighst hepl easur eandIam notl etti
ng
him gount ilIam fullysatisfied,Iwantmor eandIt ell
him breathlessl
y .Hei ncreasest hepaceandIsi ng
allt
hepr aisesIcant hinkof .

Itfeel
ssodamngood, Iam sl i
ghtl
yangr yathimf or
deny i
ngmet his.Mymoansar esol oud,Ican’teven
controlmyselfandhegr oansasaf amili
arfeeli
ng
takesovermybody .Thisismuchmor eintense,
may beIam hav i
ngast roke, Icr
youtl oudwhi l
e
pushinghim offmebuthehol dsont ootight,
refusi
ngtoletmego.I tr ushesoutandIf eelli
keI
am bouncingf r
om onecl oudt oanot herbutIam
heav i
ngli
kesomeonewhoj ustfi
nishedrunninga
mileortwo.Het akeshi stimet oreachhi sown
orgasm,Iwishthismomentcoul dlastforev
er,he
thrust
sindeepergroani ngandbi
ti
ngont omy
shoulder
,Iswearhel eftamark.Heslidoffmeand
l
aidonhisback, andIshi f
tedtol
ayonhi schest.I
knowwehav ej
ustfinishedbutIwanttodoi tagai
n.

•••

Idon’ tknowwhenIf el
lasleepl astnight,theli
ght
shinesv erybr ightlyagai nstmyey eli
dsandIgr oan,
turningt ol ayonmyback.If l
ipmyey esopenand
yawnwhi lestilltryi
ngt oki ckof fthesleepi nmyey es.
Isqui ntedmyey esandl ookedcl osely.Ther eare
balloonsont her oof ,colouredi nwhi t
e,gol dand
rosegol d.Isitupr i
ghtwhi leinhal i
ngshar plyandon
thewal ltherei sapi nk‘happybi r
thday’banner ,
and
thel ett
er sarewr itteningol d.Ont opoft hebed,just
ont heedge, t
her ei sat raywithwhatSi mbonga
woul dcal lbreakf astonhi slazyday s–i tisacup
cakewi thagl assofor angej uiceandasmal lwhite
env elope.
Itaketheenv el
opeandt hereisacar dinside.‘Happy
birt
hdaybabe, youwer esleepingsopeacef ullyI
didn’
twantt odist ur
by ou, Ihopey oulovet he
ball
oons andIl ov eyou.’Ilookupt otheceilingthat
i
scov eredi nballoonsagai n,Iwonderwhenhegot
thetimet oputt hi stogetherandImusthav ebeen
reall
youtofi tfornothear inghim.Ican’ tbelievehe
remember edandwentt hroughal lthistr
oublej ust
forme–hei sthebestandf orkeeps.Myey es
alwayshav eami ndoft heirown, Ican’tbecr ying
overthis.Iwipemyey esdr yandthedooropens,
Simbonga’ smot herappear swithawoodenspooni n
herhand.

“Goodmorning,
”shesaysl
ooki
ngaroundther
oom
anddroppi
nghereyestomethenshefrowns.

Ilookdownt omychestandoops,Ipul
lthecoverup
feeli
ngreall
yembar
rassed.Ihadf
orgot
tenthatI
sleptnaked.
“
Goodmor
ningma.
”

Shenodssl owlyandthensmiles, “
Happybi r
thday,I
am gladyouar ewit
hust ocel
ebr ateyourspecial
day.Youwillfi
ndmei nthekit
chenwheny ouare
donewi t
h..
.”shepoint
saroundt her oom wit
ht he
spoon.

“
Thanky
ou,
”Isayasshemakesherwayout
.

Ishouldexpectmypar entst
ocallanymomentnow,
Ican’
tbel ieveNoziphodi dn’
twakemeupt owi shme
ahappybi rt
hdaythisissounl i
keher.Itakemy
phoneandt here’
sfift
eenmi ssedcall
sf rom her–
shoot!WasIoutofi tthatmucht hatIdidn’thearmy
phoner ing,whatdidSi mbongadot omekant i?Iwi l
l
havetocal l
herbackl aterwhenshehascal med
downbecauseIam sur eshewant smyheadr i
ght
now.Igetoutoft hebedandheadt othebat hroom,
goodt hingt heyt
houghtofput ti
ngthebat hroom
i
nsidet heguestbedr oomsaswel l
.Aftershower ing,
Ichangedi nt
oabr ighty
ellowsummerdr essand
ti
edmyhai rl
eavingnostrandofhairt
ogoonmy
face.If
irstcheckSimbonga’sroom befor
egoing
downstairsanditisempt ybutt
hereisalargebl
ack
boxont opoft hebed.

Iam t oonoseysoIhav et oseet his–‘ Iknewy ou’d

comel ookingforme’ –t hat ’
swhatt hecar dsay s
andIsmi letomy selfafterreadingi t.Myi nst i
ncts
tel
lsmet hattheboxi smi nesoIopeni t,insidethere
i
sanot hercard–‘ Il
ov ey ou’–Imel tonceagai n.Oh
my ,Ihav ejustgotmy selfanewdr essandshoes,
wellitisnotoneoft hoset ypicallongdr essesf rom
thebout i
questhatpeopl ewearwhent heyar egoi ng
tothoser edcarpetevent s.Thisonei sshor t
,black
butgl i
tteryatthetopandt heshoesar eal soblack
andhav eglit
terthatmakest hem spar kle.Iam t oo
excitedsoIst ripofftotryt heset hingson, noone
cant ellmewhatt odot odayImeani tismybi rt
hday,
theonl ydayIgetawaywi thev erything.
Iputev eryt
hingonandhegotmysi zeright.Icheck
myphoneagai nandt heparent shav en'
tcalled, do
theyhat emenoworwhat ?Ial wayswokeupt ot hei
r
calli
nt hemor ningont hispar ti
cularday,wel lthat’
s
i
fI’dsleepaf terNozi pho’scall orcheerswhenshei s
aroundbutt hisy earIguesst hingsar edif
ferent .I
descenddownt hest air
swi thmyhear tdroppi ng
witheachst ept hatIt ake.Il
ookupwi thonlyt hree
stepsleftandt heyar el ooki
ngatme, andby‘ they ’I
mean–Kwando, Simbongaandhi sparentsbutt hey
arenotal one, Nozi phoandmypar entsareal soher e;
whoaZobuhl ei sher et oo?Irundownt heremai n
stepsnear l
ybr eaki ngmyankl esbecauseoft hehi gh
shoes.

“Happybi
rthday
,”t
heyal
lsayatonceandIf
eel
overwhel
med.

“Don'tbeababyandstartcr
ying–shedj ustonetear
andwewi ll
takeever
ythi
ngdown, ”thatcanonlybe
Noziphowithherf
oreverthr
eatf
ul-sel
fsoearlyint
he
mor
ning.

Simbongawal ksupt omeandperksmyl i

ps,“Thank
youforbreakfast
,”Isayandhechuckl
es,heknowsI
didn’
teatthatcupcakebutIdiddri
nkthejui
ce.

Ican’tbel i
ev emyf at
heral soagr eedtothis,orhi s
parentst ohav ethisintheirhouseImeanIam j usta
gir
lfri
end, nothiswi f
e.Igoov ertomypar entstohug
them, Idon’ tseeanygi ftbagsont hem andIguess
ever y
thi
ngchangedt hisyear .Nozi phomakest he
mostnoi seasImov et ohugher ,shewhispers
somet hingaboutmyf acegl owi ngbutIdon’ tpay
attenti
ont oher .Shehasal way sbeencr azyandwi l
l
nev erchange.Ial sohugZobuhl ewhosehugf eels
war m.“Br eakfastisready,”Si mbonga’ smot her
announcesandwest artmov ing.

“Waitma,
”wehearhim saybehi
ndus.Kwandois
standi
ngbesi
deshim asweturntol
ookback–I
wonderwhattheyar
eupt onow.“Whatmoredoyou
havetosayKwando? ”hei sl
ooki
ngattheboywho
quickl
ydigshi
shandi nsidehi
spocketandret
ri
eves
asmal lbl
ackbox,i
tglit
tersj
ustl
iket
hedressand
shoesthatIam weari
ng.

“I
nganathiObennebo,
”hesay sandIshouldbeangry
athimforbutcheri
ngmysur namebutIam mor e
curi
ousatwhatisgoingon.Theybot hkneeldown
l
iketheyhavepracti
cedit
,andl ookuptous,tome.
“Wil
lyoumar r
yus?”thesmal lboysaysandmyheart
j
umpsupt omyt hr
oat.

Thepeopl eIam standingwi t

harecheer ingal
ready
butIdon’thearmyf ather’scheer,Nozi
phopushes
mef orwardbeforeIcoul dbli
nkagainandIst umble
towardsthem.Theyl ookser i
ousandIj ustwantt o
cry,whyaretheydoingt histome?“ Thinkofsay i
ng
noandy ouwi l
lal
sol oseasi ster
,”anotherthr
eat
from Nozipho,
shenev erknowswhent ostop.
Kwandot urnstohisfatherandgi veshimt heri
ng
whilehekeepshol doft hebox.Wel li
tisoutnowsoI
mightaswell
sayy es,y
estomarry
ingthem bot
h.
Theyareapackage,Ican’
tgett
heotherwi
thoutthe
otherone.

“
Yes,”Isaywit
hmymout hcoverandtheydon’t
move,Idon’
tthinkt
heyheardme.“ YesIwillmarry
you,
”Isayagainandtheyarebothont hei
rfeetat
t
hesamet ime,IswearforasecondImi st
akent hem
f
orrobots.

Herushestomewi ththeri
ngi nhishandandI
ext
endmyhandt ohim.Myhandsar eshakingbuthe
managest oputiti
n,itisadiamondr i
ngthatlooks
si
mplebuty etel
egantandi tfi
ts!“Thanky ou,
”he
sayspull
i
ngmei nforakiss.Ishouldn'tbedoingt hi
s
i
nfrontoftheelder
sher ebutIam someone’ sfiancé
andthatmademegr owsomet hick-ski
nnedbal l
s.I
am cl
ingi
ngonhi m andnot hi
ngel semat t
ersright
now–i ti
sjustmeandhi m...
andhi smi ni
him,
Kwando.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-Thr
ee

I
nganat
hi

Whiledr i
v i
ngbackf rom hispar ent'shouset oDur ban
Icouldn'tkeepmyhandsof fhi m, Iam justtoohappy
andi nlove!Ther i
ngonmyf ingergl owsandr efl
ects
exactlythesamewayIam f eelinginside–f inall
y
thereislightattheendoft het unnel.Icouldn'tbe
happierandIf oreseeabr i
ghtf uturefil
ledwi t
h
happiness, l
oveandl otsandl otsofsex.Wehadt o
dropof fNoziphof i
rstandt henZobuhl ebef orewe
wentt ohi shouse.Myf atherdi dexpr esshisf earsof
meget t
ingmar ri
edatt hi
sage, wel ltohim Iam st i
l
l
twelveandIshoul dbest illunderhi swi ng.Andgoas
farasaski nghimf i
rstifitissaf ebef oreIcant akea
stepf or
war dbutIam nol ongert hatgirl–Iam my
ownwomannowandsoont obesomeone' swi fe.

Usbeingundercovers,
inbetweent
hesheet
sis
ev
idencethatIcan’
tgetenoughofhi
m,youknow
wheny out astesomet hingthatt astesgoodasmal l
porti
oni snev erenoughandy ouendupwant i
ngthe
wholethi ng, wellthatisSimbongaf orme.Hemakes
mef eelsogood, Ijustwantt of eelitagainandagain.
Iam gladwear eherebecauseIcanscr eam asloud
asIwantwi thnocar einthewor l
d,hismot her
would’veal readyki ckedmeoutoft hehousei fshe
everhear dmescr eam t hi
sloud.Wel eftKwando
theresincei tisst i
llinthemi ddleofhi sschoolter
m
soSi mbongai splanningtomov ehim nextyear
becauset heschool hewant st oputhi ssoninwi l
l
onlybet akingnewl earnersatthebegi nningofnext
yearsoi tisj ustthet woofusunt i
lthen.

“Iwil
lgoandgetussomethingtoeat
,”hesays
shif
ti
ngtogetoutofthebedandsli
deinhisboxer
s,
headingt
othebathr
oom fir
st.

Iwrapmysel
finthesheetsandsi
tupr
ight
,justasI
l
eapuphisphonerings.Fr
om wher
eIam sitt
ingI
canseet
hatiti
sanunknownnumberandhecomes
backtot hebedr oom.Hel ooksatt hescr eenand
thenatmebef oreanswer ing.Idon’tknowwhatt he
conversat i
oni saboutbuti tlooksliketheper sonon
theothersi deoft hel i
nehasal ottosayand
Simbongai slist
eni ngt othem, att
entivel
y .“
Ov ermy
deadbodyWey mout h, j
ustleavemet hehell alone,”
hesay s,Iwasexpect i
ngt ohangupbuti nsteadhe
putsthemanonl oudspeakerandhesay s,
“ Don't
messwi thmeSi mbongaIhav etoldy oubef or ethat
youwi l
l dot hi
sort her ewillbeconsequences–I
heardy ouar enowengaged, imaginewhatt he
weddingwi l
l l
i
kewi thoutthegr oom ort omake
thi
ngsabi tmor ef uni twil
l bethebr i
dewhogoes
MIA.”

IlookatSimbongaandhei spissedof f,wel

lIwant
topissonthebedr ightnow.Whoi sthisper
sonand
whyi shethreateninghi m?Hecut sthecallsti
ll
l
ookingatme, i
fhecan’ tseethef earinmyey es
thenheisnotl ookingcl oseenough.“ Don'tworry,
it’
s
j
ustempt ythreats–hewi l
ldiebef or
eheget stoany
oneofus,”hesay s,steppingclosertot hebedand
sitsdown.Hei snottel
li
ngex act
lywhati sgoi
ngon,
whati fweneedt obewor r
ied, Imeant heguyjust
threatenedmet oo–wher edoIf i
tinthisor
what everthati
sgoingon?“ Justtellmewhatis
goingon, ”Ishi
ftt
ohim,gettingonmykneesandhe
sighs.

“Hewantsmet oloseallt
heremai
ninggamesso
thatt
heteam won’tbeselect
edf
ortheSABLeague,
”
hetel
lsme.

“
Butt
her
eisl
iketwogameslef
tandyouhav
ewon
t
hemostsowhatdi
ff
erencewi
lli
tmake?
”

“Idon’
tknowI nganathi
, worseIdon’tev enknow
whathewant sfrom me.Ij ustknowt hatt hi
sis
nothi
ngaboutbusi ness–i t’
spersonal andIdon’ t
evenknowt hisguywhi chmakesev ery
t hingvery
absurd.Idon’
tknowwhatmakeshi mt hi nkI’
dlist
en
tohim becauseIwon' t
.”Hesoundsandl ooksjustas
upsetashewaswhenhewasst i
ll
ont hephone.
Iam wor
ri
ed,
li
kereal
lywor
ri
edbutifhesay
sIhav
e
not
hingt
oworryaboutt
henIt
rusthi
m.

“Whatdoyouwantt
oeat?”heasks,
Iguesswear
e
donewit
hthatWeymout
hperson.

“
You.
”Isayandhecr
acks,
thr
owi
nghi
sheadback.

“Youaredef i
nit
elysuff
eri
ngf rom someDickson
syndrome.Iwi l
lmakeMac‘ ncheese,”hesays
gett
ingoffthebed.Ihopei tturnsoutfi
nethist
ime
becausethelasttimehemadei t
,Icoul
dn'
tkeepthe
overcookedpastainmymout handdon’tgetme
star
tedont hatwhitesauce.Iwi l
lj
usthavetowait
forthesurpri
seofmyl if
e.

•••
Yesterdaymar kedmyl astdayont hefi
eldandasa
goodby egi f
ttomyt eammat esandmyf oot bal
l
careerasawhol e,
Iscoredt hr
eegoal s.Tobehonest
Iwillmisst hatli
fe,Iwil
lmi ssthefeeli
ngofbei nga
playerinsteadofbei ngaf an;withorwi t
hout
NomaguguIl ovedsoccerwi thallmyhear t.Itwas
therewhenIneededt ogetawayf rom myr eali
tyand
Icouldbeatmybestwi t
houtf eel
ingbadabouti tbut
thatwasbef oreNomaguguhappened.Thankst o
therapy,Icant alkaboutherorment i
onhername
withoutsheddi ngat earandwi thoutanyf ear
crawlinginsidemymi nd.AndIhopeshei shav i
nga
wonder fulstayinpr i
son.

Iam inthehousenowpr epari

ngsupper ,Ialso
i
nv i
tedNozi photocomesowecancel ebrateand
Simbongai nvit
edZobuhle,notthatIhav eapr obl
em
withitImeant hemor ethemer r
ier.Every t
hingis
almostdone, knowinghowt hosepeopl ear elazy
theywon’tcomei nnow,theywil
l comei nl ate
compl ai
ningaboutt r
aff
icwhent heywer erunning
l
ateonpur pose.Simbonga’st
eam di dn’twi nthel
ast
game, i
twasn'tonpurpose;theywereplayi
ng
agai
nstusandIhadt oleav
eamar k.I
twasaf air
game, abi
tofachal l
enge–Imeant heyhave
Simbongaast hei
rcoachsoIwasn' tsurpri
sed.The
coachwehav eisgoodbutshehasnot hingon
Nomagugu, Iwishthatwomanj ustfocusedonwhat
sheisgoodatandnotusei tasaweapont ohar m
herinf
eri
or.

Itaket hebakingt rayfil

l
edwi thveggiesandputiti
n
theov en.Thatwi llconti
nuet ocookwhi l
eIgo
upst ai
rstofreshenupsoIr insemyhandsandr un
upt hestairsbutIdon' tgetf arbeforeaknockcomes
throught hedoor .Ihopei tisoneoft hem becauseI
hav eapileofdi shesi nthesi nkthatneedtobe
washed–Iknownoonewi l
l wanttowasht hem
whent heyar efull.Irusht othedoorwi thasmileon
myf acebuti tfallstoaf rownwhenIopent hedoor.

“Hi
,
”Igreetthetwomenst andi
ngatt
hedoor
step,
I
haveneverseenthem bef
oresoIam mor
ecuri
ous
toknowwhatt heyar edoingher e.“CanIhel py ou?”I
ask,si ncenoneoft hem returnedmygr eeti
ngs.They
scant hesurroundingsbef oret heot heronepushes
mebacki nsi
det hehouse.Iwantt oscr eam butat
thesi ghtoft hegun, Iswal l
owwhat ev eriti
sthatI
want edt osay .Hewal kstowar dsmeandIst epback.
Myl egsar eshaking, t
hetear sareal readywel l
ing
i
nsidemyey esandmyhear tisracing.Theyhav en'
t
saidany t
hing, t
heot heronehasn’ tmov edfrom
wher ehei sst anding,“Yout akewhat everyouwant ,”
Isaywi thapl eadi
ngv oi
ce.Idon’ twantt odie–not
l
iket his,hecor ksthegunandpoi ntsi ttome, and
thetear swel ltomycheeks.

Bang!

•
•
•
Si
mbonga

Wellthi
ngsdi dn’
tt urnoutasIhadhoped, welostt he
l
astgame–i twasv eryobvi
ousbutt heteam did
thei
rbestandnowwehav etogot hr
oughsupper
withNoziphoandI nganathi
cel ebr
ati
ngt hei
rwin
whilewenur seoursor ehear t
s.Iinvi
tedZobuhle
becauseIrefuset obet heonlyonet odeal wit
h
thosetwo’smadness, Iknowj usthowcr azyNozi pho
cangetandI nganat hidoesherbestt omat chitso
i
t’dbetoomuchf orme.NowIam dr ivi
ngt oUMl azi
topickupNozi pho, thetr
aff
ici snotthatbadandI
hopeitwillstaythesameonourwayback.My
phoneringsandIr eachforit,
itisanunknown
numbersoIj ustknowwhoi tis.

“
Whatdoy
ouwant
?”t
hat
’showIanswerhi
scal
l
.

“Thati
snotthewayt ogreety
ourol
dfr
iend
SimbongabutIwil
ll
etitsli
deandImustsayman,
yougotyour
selfaprett
ywomanhereandshe’sver
y
domesti
catedImeanshecookedupast or
m sotel
l
mewhatexactlyar
ey oucelebr
ati
ng–herwinor
yourl
oss?”heaskssoundingcocky.

“Whatthehell
areyoudoi
nginmyhouse?!
”Ilashout,
al
readyinsearchf
oranexi
tonthehi
ghway,Ihaveto
makeaU- t
urn.

“Unli
keyou,
Ikeepmypr omises–Ihopeaftert
his
youwi l
ll
ear
nt oli
sten,
”hegetsofft
hephoneanda
‘
herecomest hebride’
inst
rumental
songplays.I
gruntanddropthecall
.

Noziphowi llhavetoforgi
veme, I
nganat himatt
ers
themost .Ican’tbel
ievethatfuckerwasi nmyhouse,
Imeandoesheev erknowwhent ost op, i
fany
thing
happenst oInganathinotonlywi l
lIfeelmywhol e
wor l
dcrashingdownbutherf atherwillkil
lme.Ican
messwi thany thi
ngthatbelongst ohim butnothi s
daughter,that’
swhathet oldmewhenIaskedf orhis
blessi
ngsbef oreIproposedtoI nganathi.Thecaris
fl
yi
ngont heroadandIdon’ tcareaboutthepol
i
ce
now,mymi ndisonI nganathi–whatdidhedot oher
?
Whydidn’tIt
akehist hr
eatseriousl
y,hewas
obvi
ouslynotplay
inghideandseek, hemeantevery
wordthathesaidandnowI nganathii
stheonewho
i
spayingformyst upidi
ty!

Butwait
,Idi
dn’
twint
helastgamesothatshoul
d
countf
orsomethi
ng;
theteam won’
tgeti
ntothe
l
eague.Sowhyishedoi
ngt hi
s?

Igett ot hehouseandt hesunhasgonedown.The

streetsar eempt y, that’
swhatIl oveandhat eabout
thisplace–peopl emi ndt hei
rownbusi nessbuty ou
candi ecr yi
ngf orhel pwhi letheyar esitti
nginf ront
oft het v
, mindingt heirownbusi ness.Igetoutoft he
carandheadst raightt othedoor .Itisnotl ocked,my
hear tfeelssoreandIj ustknowt hatsomet hingis
wrong.Ishoul dn'thav eleftheralone, Ishoul d'
ve
askedZobuhl et ost aywi t
hherorNozi phocoul d’ve
stay edaf t
erthegamet ohel pherf ri
endwi tht he
pot
s.

“
Inganat
hi!”Ical
loutasIst
epi
nsi
deandt
hehouse
i
sdeadsilent.

Iwal kinf urtherint hel ounge, nothingl ooks

suspi ciousandt henIheadt ot heki t
chen.Myhear t
j
umpst omyt hroatandmyv isionget sbl urrywithi
n
secondsast hesmel lofbl oodf i
ll
smynost ri
ls,I
hav en'tseenhery etbutIcanf eel itandi tsweighing
medown.Iwal kar oundt hecount erandi t'sherfeet
thatgr eetmef irst.Icov ermymout hsuppr essing
anysoundt hatmi ghtescapemyl i
ps, shel aysthere
onapool ofbl ood.Iwal kcl oserandt hef uckerwas
hear tl
essenought oputt hebul letinbet weenherey e.
Ican’ tholdmyt ear s, Ikeepbr eathingi nandout
shar plybutnoneoft hatcal msmedown.Ther eare
wor dswr i
tt
en‘ LADUMA’ inherbl oodnextt oherand
Ijustsi nktot hegr ound.If aceupt othecei l
i
ngand
scream outt hef rustrat i
onsIhav ebeenhol dingin.
Shei sgone.“Inganat
hi,
”Icr
awlt
oherandpull
her
bloodybodyt omychest–Iwi l
lnev
erfor
giv
emy sel
f
forthis.“
Inganathi
!”

•
•
•

Att
heLi
zov
il
lePsy
chi
atr
iccl
i
nic

Thenur sesr undownt hehal l

, theheartpi erci
ng
scream hasn’ tstop;i
tcomesf rom thel astroom
downt hepassage.I nhersev eny earsher e,shehas
nevermadeasoundandshehasal way sbeent he
mostwel l
-behav edpatientint hewhol ecl ini
c–ev er
y
nurse'sfavour i
tebecauseshewon’ tfi
ghtt hem when
i
tcomest otakinghermedi cat i
onsoherr eaction
todaycomesasashockt oev eryone.Thepat ients
arepeepi ngout sidetheirdoor swai ti
ngt oseewhat
i
sgoi ngonandwhoi sbeingsl aughtered, somehav e
hi
dundert
heirbedsbecauset
heybel
i
evet
hedev
ili
s
comi
ngforthem nex
t.

Shei sfightingeveryonewhocomescl oset oher, the

painisunbear abl
eandnoamountofscr eamingcan
getr i
dofi t
.Ther earetwelvenur sesinther oom now,
try
ingt ohol dherdownbutshekeepsonf ightingt o
getawayf rom them.Ther eisnof earinherey esbut
painisv isi
blyev i
dentshootingthroughherey es.
Any onewhodoesn' tlookcloselyenoughwoul dt hink
i
tisoneofherbi polarr
eactionsbutitisnot ,apar t
ofheri sgoneandt hepaini sint
ense,itrunsdeeper
thanany onecani magine.“Takehert otheECTl ab, ”
thedoct orsay sashest epsi nsi
dether oom andi tis
hardt ogetheront hestret
cher ,
andst rapherdown.

Thescreami nghasn’ tstoppedasthenursespush

thestr
etchertothel ab.Themout hguardisinserted
i
nhermout handt hatmuf f
sherscreams,shemi ght
bechockingbutt hati snotimport
antri
ghtnow.
Anothernurseinsertsaneedl eonherarmt oflush
theanaestheti
cint ohersystem.Thedoct orturnson
theECTmachi neandwhenev erythi
ngisinplace,
withonepushont hebuttont oactiv
atetheECT
machine–t heel ectri
ccurr
entspassest hrought he
elect
rodestoherbr ai
nandherbodyshakesv iolent
ly.
Theseizurelastsfornolongert hanami nute.

“I
ncreasethecurr
ent,
”thedoct
ori
nst
ruct
sandt
he
nurseslookateachother
.

“
But–”

“
Justdoi
t!
”hebar
ksandt
henur
seobl
i
ges.

Theyshockheragai nandthi
sti
met heseizurelasts
cl
osetotwomi nutes.Bytheti
meshewakesup, she
won’tr
emembert heev ent
softoday,yest
erday,the
daybefor
ethatti
lltheweekbeforethatormor eif
heramnesiagoesf urt
hert
hanthat.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-Four

Zobuhl
e

Thenewsaboutherdeat hcameasashockt ome,

wewer egoi ngtohav esupperont hesamedayt o
celebratet hei
rwinbuti twast hesamedayherl i
fe
wascutshor t
.Idon’tknowhowt ofeelaboutit,Iam
sady eahbutIam hur tingthemostbecauseoft he
stateSimbongai sin.Theguyi sahumanv ersi
onof
azombi e,hecansi tononespotandst areatthe
spacei nfrontofhi mf orhours.Idon’tknowhowhe
i
sf eeli
ngbecausehei ssti
llnotopeni ngupt o
any onebutwecanonl yimaginej usthowbr okenhe
mustbe, Imeanweshoul dbepl anningthei
r
engagementpar t
yort heweddi nginsteadof
planningf orInganathi
’sfuneral.Whoev erki
lledher
wast rul
ybr ut
al–Idon’ tknowt hewhol edetail
sbut
fr
om whatIhav eheardIcant ellthatwhoev eritis
wassendi ngast rongmessage.
Thedr essshewor eonherbi rt
hday /engagementday
willbeper f
ect .Iam theonewhot heycansend
aroundbecauseIam t heonl yonewhohasasane
mindr ightnow.Ev enNozi phoi sbey ondher self
,I
haven’tseenI nganathi’
sf athersi ncet heycamet o
checkt he‘damage’ andseet heirdaught eratthe
mor tuary.Hermot hercalledt hismor ningandasked
met opackhert hings,Iwasal sogoi ngt hroughher
stuffforabl ackdr esst hatshecoul dwearf orher
sendof f,well that’
sifherpar entshav en'tboughther
somet hingel se.Simbonga’ spar entsandsonar e
here, t
heycamet ogrievewi t
hhi m andf orthe
funeral whichi sthedayaf tertomor row.

ThedooropensandIst epbackfrom thewar dr

obe
toseewhoi tis, andit'
sSimbonga.Hel ooksdrai
ned
l
iket hereisnol ifei
nhi m,hewalkstothebedand
sinksoni t.Hi
smot hertri
edtalki
ngtohi m butf
ail
ed,
Ialsot r
iedaf ewt imesbuthewasn' tgetti
ng
any whereneart alkingabouthowhef eels.Hedidn’
t
evensayany thingwhenIt oldhimthatIwi l
lbe
packinghert hingsandhermot herwil
lbet aki
ng
every
thing.Icl
oset hewardrobeandwalktowher e
heissitti
ng.Hedoesn'tlookmywayasIsi tnextto
hi
m, Ilovesil
encebutthisonewi thhi
mist ooheav y
–hehasal waystoldmet hatspeaki
nghelpsand
here,r
ightnowhe’ snotpracti
singwhathepr eached.

“
Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
”Iask,
breaki
ngt
het
hicki
ce.

Hel ooksupt omeandat earescapesf r

om hiseye.
“Ithurt
s,”hesay sandi nhal essharply.“I
tismyf ault
,
Ishould'vedoneev erythingt opr ot
ectherbutI–”he
breaksint otearsandIr ubhi sback,pull
inghimto
mychest .Atleasthegotsomewher ebuthest i
ll
needst ogett ot hepointwher ehecansayhowhe
feelswithoutbr eakingdownandhesur eneedst o
stopblami nghi msel ff
ori t.Noneofusknewt hat
thiswoul d’
vehappenedandi fitwasdest i
nedthen
therewasnot hinghecoul d'v edonetost opitf
rom
happening.Ial sopar ti
allybl amedmy sel
ftooformy
mot her'
sdeat handy ousawwher ethatgotme.
Her ai
seshi sbloodshotey estomeandIwi pehis
facedr y.Thisi snott heSimbongaIknow, t
heoneI
knowi sst rongert hanthisandhe’ dbeont opof
thi
ngs.He’ dbeoutt heretomakesur ethathis
fi
ancéget st hesendof fthatshedeser v esbutI
guessl osingsomeonebr ingsoutt hewor stin
everyone.I tleavesy ounakedwi t
hnowher etohide
andIhav ebeent heresoIunder stand.Ittakesone
bli
nkf orhisl ipstolandonmi neandIj ustfreeze
withmyhandsi ntheair.Hebr eaksawayand
whisper s,“please.”Hedoesn' twaitformet oreply
beforeheki ssesmeagai nbutIdon’ tkisshim back,
hepushesmet ol ayonmybackandIpushhi m back.

“
Simbonga,
no.
”

“
Please,
”hepl
eadsandIshakemyheadno.

Hecoll
apsesonmychestandbr eathsinandout
.
Hi
sarmswr apar
oundmywai st,hisfi
ngersar
e
l
it
eral
l
ydiggi
ngdeepi
ntomyf leshandIam surehe
i
sgoi ngtoleav eamar k.Ashecl i
ngsonme, Ihear
him snif
fl
e–Ihav enev erseenamancr yasmuch
ashei scryi
ng, notthati tmakeshiml essofaman
butIam actual l
ysurpr i
sedandsadatt hesamet i
me.
Itbr
eaksmyhear ttoseehi ml i
kethisandIwantto
beher etosuppor thim –any t
hingthatwil
lmakehim
feelbett
er.Ijusthopet hatt hi
sdoesn’tsethi
m back
tobeingdistantfrom Kwando, hehaswor kedreal
ly
hardtogetwher ehei s,emot i
onall
y.

“Il
ovey
ouZobuhl
e,
”het
ell
smeandmyhear
tleaps
up.

Isl
owlywrapmyar msaroundhi
sneckandhe
shuf
fl
es,gett
inghi
mselfonamorecomfortabl
e
posi
ti
on.“I
fwedoi t
,wil
li
tmakeyoufeelbett
er?
”I
askandhesitsupr
ight
.

“No,
”heshakeshishead.“
Irespectyout
oomuchto
for
ceyouint
othis;pl
easedon'tf
eelcompel
l
edto
andIam sor
ryforum...
”
“I
tisfi
ne,”Ishi
fttositontheedgeoft hebed.“Will
youhelpmepackt herestofherst uf
f?”hi
sey es
gli
tt
eragainandIwav ehim off
,“nevermind,that
wasst upi
dofmet oask.”Istandupandwal kt othe
wardrobeagainthenIheart hedoorclose–hei s
gone.

•••

Ihatefunerals,Ihavegonet otwomanyoft hem and

theybothleftmedr ainedandempt y
.Wi t
hnot hi
ngt o
gobackt o,not hi
ngt olivef orandnohome.Iam an
orphanbecauseofdeat handi t’
df oreverbemy
enemyunt ili
tdecidest otakemet oo.Thi sisone
hellofanexpensi vef uneral Ihaveev erbeent o,
therearetoomanywhi terosest hatar eplaced
aroundther oom wher ehercasketi spl acedin–
thoughont opofi t,therear ewhi teli
liesandt hey ’
re
allf
reshflower s,
notpl astic.Itsmel l
sl i
keagar den
i
nher e.Shel ooksreal l
ybeaut i
fuli
nt hepi ct
uret hat
i
sdispl
ayedinfrontofus,shewasabeautif
ulgi
rl
wi
thbeauti
fuleyesthatgli
tt
eredli
ket
heblacksky
f
il
ledwit
hat housandbright
,glowi
ngstar
s.

Iti
sani nti
mat egat heringwithonlyclosefr
iendsand
familymember swhi char enotmor ethanten,I
guesstheyar enotabi gf amil
y.Noziphoisamess,
whenIf ir
stsawher ,shel ookedli
kethosefeistygir
ls
thatyoudon’ twantt omesswi thandIwasoneof
thepeopleshedi dn’tl
ikev er
ymuch, andshewasn' t
afrai
dtoshowi t.May beshesawmeasat hreatli
ke
Inganat
hi did,Idon’tknow.Shest andsupandwal ks
tothefrontt osayherpi ece,t
osaygoodby etoher
fri
endfort helasttime.

“MissObennebo, t
hat’showI’daddressyouev ery
ti
mey oubecamecheekyandst ubborn.Youal ways
sawt hebestinpeople,Idi
dn’
tthinkyou’dbemy
fr
iendsi nceIdi
dn’
tmeety ourstandardsorstatus
butyoul ookedpastthatandchosemet obey our
bestfriend,y
oursist
er,companionandpar t
nerin
everyt
hing.Isawyouasmyl i
ttl
esisterandy ousaw
measy ourbigsi
ster,
wehadgr eatti
mest ogether
andwehav ethebestmemor ieswhichout weighs
theworst.Youwer emyev ery
thingandI ’
dhav edone
anythi
ngt oprot
ectbutthisti
meIf ail
ed,”shesay s
breaki
ngi nt
otearsbutquickl
ycomposesher self
.“I
l
ov eyouInganathiandulal
engoxol omnganami .
”

Shecr i
esoutandhur r
iesoutoft her oom witha
womanwhoIbel ieveishermot herf ol
lowi
ngbehind
her.Thisisheartbr eaking,evenInganat hi
’
smot her
i
scr yi
ngi nthefrontandSi mbonga’ shandt i
ght
ens
aroundmi ne.Hehasshedaf ewt earstodayandt hat
i
spr ogress,iti
sexact lywhatIwantt osee–hehas
cri
edt oomuchandheneedsabr eak.Healso
standsupandwal kstot hefr
ontt osayhi spart
.

“Noamountofwor dscanexpressjusthowdeeply
hur tIam aboutl
osinghersosoon,wehadabi g,
brightfutur
eplannedforusbutGodalsohadot her
plansf orus.I
nganathi
,Il
oveyou.
..
andImi ssy
ou
Buggie.Thepai ninmyhear tisjusttoomuch, Ididn’
t
spendmucht i
mewi thy ouandIf eelrobbed–Iwant
youtocomebackandi fnott hendeat hmustj ust
comef ormet oo.Ican’ tgot hroughadaywi thout
thi
nkinghowf arwewoul dhav ebeenwi thour
weddi ngar r
angement s;thatday ..
.youwer egoi ngto
tel
lmet hedat eofourweddi ngday .Youwer eso
happy ,thesmi l
eony ourf acei stheonet hingI’d
neverf orgetandt hewayy ouwer esof ullofener gy
j
ustbr oughtoutt hebesti ny ouandi trubbedof fon
met oo.YoumademehappyI nganathi,inadi f
ferent
wayt hatI ,
my self
, don’tunder stand.Ilovey ou
sthandwasami ;
unt i
lwemeetagai n–r estinpeace.”

Ihavealsoshar edmyf airamountoftearswhenher

coff
ingoesdownt otheground,si
xfeetunder.She
waslovedandt herei
snodoubtaboutt hat.
Simbonga’spar entsl
eftthenextdayandSi mbonga
wasleftaloneint hehousesoIcamet ocheckon
hi
m andf oundt hehousei namess.Idon’ tknow
howoneper soncancr eatesuchamessi naspace
ofafewhour s,
Iam sur ehismothercl
eanedt he
housebeforetheyleftbutthi
slookslikeawhol e
month'sofdir
ty.Idon’tknowwhati sgoingonbut
themanIcamet ocheckoni snotonsi ght.It
hrow
thebagont hecouchandheadt othekitchen,well
at
l
easttherearenodi shesinthesi
nkbutwhatam I
sayi
ngbecauset heyar eonthecoffeetable,t
he
couchandthef l
oori nst
eadofinthere.

“
Simbonga!
”Ical
lout
.

Iwalkoutofthekit
chenandscantheloungeagai
n
wit
hmyhandsr est
ingonmywai st
.Iwasaboutto
cal
loutagainwhenhedescendeddownt hestai
rs
l
ookingfi
redupaboutsomething.

“
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
”

“Thatman,Weymout
horwhatev
erhi
snamei
s,i
s
goingtopayf
orwhathedi
d.”
Hesay ssit
ti
ngdownonhi smessandopeni nghi s
l
apt op.Thepol i
cehav enol eadont hesuspect s.
Act ual
lynoonehasbeenasuspectsi ncetheday
theyst ar
tedinvesti
gat i
ng, Simbongamusthav et ol
d
them aboutt hatRyanWey mouthguybuti tseems
l
iket heydidn’tgetany wher ewit
ht hatinf
ormat ion
becauset il
lnowt heguyi snotarrested.Idon’tknow
whatmakesSi mbongat hi
nkhecangett hisguy–he
sureknowshowt opl aydirtyandSi mbongai snot
aboutt hatli
febutIwi llhavet owaitandseewher e
thi
soneendsup.Ial sowantwhoev erdidthi
st opay
butnotatanexpenseofl osinganotherli
fe,Isaw
whathappenedwhent hatNomaguguwomanwas
arrestedandIdon’ twantar epeatoft hat
.

“Whatar
eyougoi
ngtodo?”Iaskwhilet
ryi
ngt
o
cl
eanupthemessthathedoesn'
tseem t
onot
ice.

“Hewant
st oplaydi
rtyr
ight
?Thent
hat’
swhatIam
goi
ngtogivehim –thepoli
cear
eusel
esssoIam
goi
ngtotakethelawint
omyownhands.Iam goi
ng
t
obr
ingI
nganat
hi’
ski
l
lert
othei
rknees.
”

Trustme,heisfi
ght i
ngagoodf i
ghtbutIhopehe
getstot
hem befor etheygett
ohim.Idon’twanthi
m
tobetheoneendi nguponhi skneesi
nsteadof
thoseevi
lcr
eatures.

•
•
•

Nomagugu

Thelightshinesbri
ghtl
y,almostbl i
ndingasshe
stepsout si
dethebuil
ding–shecoul df eelf
reedom
i
nherf ingerti
ps,shecouldtasteitandi tis
somet hingshehasalwayswant ed.Shet ookanother
stepandwi nced,Sosohasn’tbeengi vinghermuch
ofabr eakandshecoul dstil
ltasteSoso’ ssal
ty
j
uicesinhermout h.Shehasbeenev er
ythi
ngbut
someone’ssexsl avesbutjai
l t
aughtheronething
al
readyandt hatiskarmaisabi tch.Whenshel i
ft
s
hereyesupagai n,t
herehest andswithhishands
buri
eddeepi nsi
dehi spocketsbutheisont heother
si
deoft hefence.Thewar derpushesherunt i
lshe
comesf acetofacewi t
htheman.

“Youdon’
thav
emucht ime,t
akethisandIwi
llgi
ve
youacall
.Bereadytoleavethi
splacetomor
row,”he
saysandherj
awdr ops.

Hebett
ernotbepl
ayi
nggameswi
thherbecausei
t
won’
tbefunny.

“
Eighto’cl
ocksharp,
”het
ell
sthewarderwhonods
t
ohi m andhissl
i
desonhisshadesbefor
etur
ningt
o
walkaway .

I
nherhandi
sapi
eceofpaperwi
thanescapepl
an
andaburnerphone–patienceisvi
rtueandgood
thi
ngscometot hosewhowait.Godhasn'tforgot
ten
abouthery
etandwhensheget soutofher e,she
wantstomakehermar kandmakei tknownt hatshe
i
sGod.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-Fi
ve

AtLi
zov
il
lePsy
chi
atr
iccl
i
nic

Sher ocksherbodybackandf or t
h, staringatt he
glassonwat erthatisont opoft het ablewhi leshei s
curledupwi thherkneest oherchestont hesi ngle
bedt hathasbeenher ssincethedayshest epped
i
nt othisroom.Thewal l
sar eplainwhi tewi t
hno
stainsoni torwhat soeverandt hat ’
sishowshel ikes
i
t.Ast hev oicesgetl ouder ,
shecl i
ngsonMrFuzzy
Wuzzy ,thest uffedbeart hatnooneel sedear st o
touch–i thasn’ tbeenwashedi ny earsbecausei fit
getsintot hewat erthenthatmeansal lthe
memor i
esshei sholdingonsodearwi l
lalsobe
washedaway .Thebeari st heonl ythingshehast hat
makesherf eelcloset ohome, i
tmakesher
rememberwhenev ershel ooksati tsf eetwitht he
wor dswr i
tten–‘ Abbie’ont heot herf ootand‘ Ingie’
ont heother .
Thedooropensandshedoesn' tdar emov eamuscle
toturntolookatwhoi satt hedoorbutj udgingby
thestrongsmel l
ofmi nt,sheal readyknowswhoshe
i
s.Shei sami nut eand38secondsl atetoday–
that
’showcal culat
ivehermi ndcanget .“Hey
sweet i
e,yourlunchisr eadyandImadei tjustthe
wayy oulikeit,
”thenur sesay sasshemakesher
wayf urt
herintot heroom.“ Youhav etoeatbef or
e
youleave,”thatgetst hegi r
l'
sat tent
ionandshe
shootsherey est othef oreversmi li
ngnurse.

“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”

“Youar
ebei
ngt
ransf
err
edt
oanewhome,
noweat
up.”

Thegirl
'sfacetwit
ches,thev oicesaregetti
nglouder
astheycont i
nuetochantinginsideherhead–no
onewant stoleavetheplacet heyhav ebeencall
ing
homef orthelongestti
me.“ Buty ousaidthi
sismy
home,”shesay swithabr eakingv oi
ceandteary
ey es.Thiscan’tbehappeni ngagai n.Itiswayt oo
soonf orittohappen, shestil
l r
emember stheexact
dayshehadt ol eavehome, theexactl astwordsthat
wer esaidtoher ,thesadl ookonhermot her’
sface,
shecanst i
llf
eel thegr i
pofheraunt ’shandasshe
forcefull
ypull
edheroutoft hef r
ontdoorwhi leshe
criedforhermot her“Idon’twantt ogo, ”shesaidbut
herwor dsf el
lintodeafear sandbyt het i
meshe
openedherey esagai n,shehadanewhome–away
from everythi
ngt hatsheev erknew.Shedoesn' t
wantt hattohappenagai n–i tcan’
t!

“Youwi l
llovethi
snewhome, ”thenur sesayssmi li
ng
sweetly.Sheistheonl ynur seshelikesbutnott oday,
notwhenshewant stot akeherhomeawayf rom her.
Shehol dsont oherheadasi tfeelsli
keitisgoingto
explode,ther
e'salott hatisgoing–t hev oi
cesar e
nowspeaki ngatthesamet ime,overeachot herand
whatt heysaycanbet rueandcanbef al
sebutshe
can’tmakeoutwhi chonei st el
l
ingthet r
uth.Thereis
nospacet ofi
therselfin,herownt houghts,asthe
voicestrybyallmeanst otakeov erherwhol ebeing,
theywanttocont r
olherbutshekeepsonf ight
ing,
againandagain.Ashor tofLithi
um wouldmakeher
feelbat
terbutthatthi
ngmakesherf eeloutofplace,
eventhoughitcanquietenthev oices–italsotakes
overherbodyandshedoesn' tli
kethatv
er ymuch,
shewant stobeherownper son.

“Healsosai d..
.hesaid.
..”thev oiceschantl ouder ,
breakingupherspeechandt het houghtshej usthad
hasf l
ewt othebackofhermi nd.Sheshakesher
headt ogeti tbackbuti tisgone.Shel ooksupt ot he
nursewi thbl oodshotey es–‘ youcanki l
lherand
thatwayy ouwon’ thavet oleav e!’;‘
thatapplepi e
l
ooksni ce, don’tyouwantt otryi toutsweet ie?’;‘
I
can’tbelieveshei swear ingshoesagai n’;
‘l
ookat
thatneckl ace,youcanusei ttost r
angl eherandno
onewi llknow’ ;‘
thedoori sopen–ohmyGodt he
fl
ieswi l
lcomei n’;‘
ki
llyoursel
f ,youcan’ tl
eavehome
again–y ouj ustcan’t
!’
.Thef emal eandmal ev oices
takeov erev eryinchofhermi ndandt houghts.They
sayal otoft hingsandshecoul df ocusononebuti t
maybel yingt oherandshecan’ tthinkonherown
becauset
heywon’
tlether
.

“Abenat hi?”t henur sesnapsherf ingersinherf ace

becausei tlooksl ikeshehaszonedoutagai n.The
gir
lshi f
tsbackt ot hefarendont hebed, shedoesn' t
wantt ol eav eandi ftheywanthert oleavet hent hey
willhavet odr agheroutofher ebecauset her ei sno
wayshei sleav i
ngt hi
spl aceonherownf reewi ll.
Thenur sel ooksatherwi they esfill
edwi thpi t
y ,she
i
scr yingagai nandherf acelooksscr ewedwi thher
eyesmov i
ngar oundal ot.Onherwor stday s,her
facecanbecomer eall
ybad, it'
dtwi tchalmostl i
ke
shei shav ingast rokeandwhenshespeaksshe’ d
soundal mostl i
keMrBean; itusedt obef unnybut
thatwasunt i
lshegott oknowherandsheact ually
fel
tsor ryf orher .Suchabeaut if
ul girl
wi t
hami nd
thathasi t
sownf eetandbr ain.Thenur sewal ksout
andl eaveshert oeat–t heywi llhavet osedat eher
beforeshel eaves.

•
•
•

Zobuhl
e

Thingsar enotget ti
ngbet ter ,theyareonl yget ting
wor se–oneoft hepat ient sl eftinabodybagl ast
night.Fi
nal lyhemanagedt oki llhi
msel faftermany
fail
edsui cideat t
empt s.I tisasadt hingtowi tness
andIam gl adt hatIwasn' tar ound.Hemusthav e
beenr eallytiredoflivi
ngt hatki ndofl i
fe,Iwoul d
alsowantt ot apoutwhenIst artforgetti
ngwhi ch
wayi sthet oi l
etorforget tingmyownname.
Believi
ngal iensar ereal ist hewor st,somear e
dealingwi tht hewor stpar anoi a,Imeanwhywoul d
anar myofsol di
ersbel ooki ngt okillanor dinary
personi ftheyar enott er r
or ists?Godwascr uel when
hecr eatedsomet hingasment al i
l
lnessandwhenI
dieIhav eal otofquest ionst oaskhi m.
Idragt hebucketwi ththemopdownt hepassage
l
eadi ngt othefrontdoorandsomeonespi ll
edcof f
ee
ont hef l
oor.Ij
ustknowt hatitisoneoft henur ses
becauseIhav enev erseenanypat ientdr inking
coffeeandIdoubtt heylookt wicei nt hedi rectionof
aglassofwat er,Imeansur elytheydot hinkt hey ’d
drowni nther
e.Icr ouchdownt owi peoft hecof fee
stai
nwi thadampcl othe, t
henr inseiti nthebucket
andwi petheflooragai n.Ihav emast eredcl eani ng
andIshoul dwint he‘Cleaneroft hey ear’awar dat
theendoft hey ear.Ifi
twasn' tforme, someone
woul d'vesli
ppedher eandt hey’dhav ehadt obur y
anot herperson, atil
edf l
oorisnotr eallyki ndtoany
humanskul l.

Whenl if
tmyey esupasIt urntothebucketagain,I
am metwi t
hbrownandor angesocks,eachoneona
differ
entfootandt heylookdir
tyandwor noutlike
theyhav espentmor etimeont hosefeetthannot.I
slowlyli
ftmyey esabitfur
therupandshei swear i
ng
aknee- l
engthyel l
owdresswi t
hsmall whi
teflowers,
i
ti sshort-
sleev
edandwhoa!Ibackawaynear l
y
fal
lingonmybut tbutIqui cklymanagedt obalance
onmyhands.Myj awi sli
teral
lyont hefl
oorandshe
bli
nksrapidly.Herl ongcur l
yhairlooksunkempt ,i
t
surehasn'tbeenwashedi nal ongtimebutwi t
hand
withoutadoubtt hisisInganathi.Si
sterMartha
comest ousandpul l
sherawayf r
om me, andthati
s
whenIr eali
sedt hatshehasast uff
edgreybearin
herhandt hatlooksj ustasdi r
tyashersocks.

Sheisst umblingal lov ertheplaceli

keadr unk
personandIam l ooki ngatt hem astheydi sappear
downt hehal l
.IthoughtIhav eseenitallbutIdidn’t
thi
nkt heyresurr
ect edpeopl eheretoo!Idoacr oss
overmychestmumbl ingashor tpr
ay erthanking
Godt hatIam stillali
v e.Iquicklyst
andupandpul l
thebuckett hr
ought hef rontdoor.Ican’tbelieveI
havejustseenaghost ,shelookedmuchf ullert
han
thelasttimeIsawherbutwhywoul dSi sterMar tha
takeherawayormay beshesawhert oo?Wor king
herehasmademecr azyt oo;Igotri
doft hewat er
andwentbacki nsidet hebuildi
ngsoIcant akemy
bag,andl eavethispl ace.
•••

Inthetaxi,Ikeptr emi nisci

ngwhatIsawear l
ier ,I
meani twasr eal l
yher–shewast here.Isawsi ster
Mar t
hapul lherawayandt hatmeansshewasr eal
butwhywoul dshel ooksodi sori
ent
ed, shedi dn' t
evensayawor dt omeordi dt heydosomet hingt o
hersoshewon’ tr ememberme?Idon’ tev enknow
whyshewast her eint hefir
stplace,Ihav et ot alkto
someoneaboutt his–t hetaxigetstot ownandIget
anotheronet hatwi lltakemet oGlenAshel y.Ifshe
i
sal i
vethent hatmeanswebur i
edthewr ongper son!
Thedr i
vet akesl ongernowbecauseIcan’ thol d
my sel
f,ifIdon’tgett her enowt henIwi llstart
blabberi
ngev ery thi
ngr ightnowandImi ghtf i
nd
my sel
fbacki nt hef acili
tybutnotasacl eanerbutas
oneoft heirpatients.

Igetof
fthetaxi
andstar
twalki
ngtohi
shouse.Hi
s
cari
sparkedoutsi
desothatmeanshei
shome.I
knockont hedoorandhei stheonetoopent hedoor
forme.Idon'tknowwhatIwasexpect i
ngbutIcan’
t
beher etocl
eanaf t
erhim agai
nkantiwhatIwrong
withthisguyanditdoesn’tl
ookli
kehehadabat h
today.Hewalkstositont hecouchwhichIbeli
eve
hesleptonlastnightandhasn’tl
efti
tbesi
deswhen
heneedst ogotot hetoi
let–hehast ur
nedintoa
ri
chhoboser i
ously.

“
Arey
ouokay
?”

“Iam notokay,
”hechucklesbitt
erlyandnowIam
moreinterest
edinknowingwhatexact lyi
sgoi ngon
i
nhismi ndbecauseIam losinghim –Iam l osing
theSimbongaIknewatt hispoint.“Shegotout, t
hey
l
ethergoj ustl
ikethat–Ican’tbeli
evethi
s!”he
bangsthecof f
eetableandIam shockedbyt he
suddenchangeofhi smood.Hewascal mj ustnow.

“
Whoandwhatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?”
“
Nomagugu,shegotout–itwasallovert
henews
t
hismor
ning,
”hesaysandt henst
andsup.It
hought
t
hatwomangotal i
fesent
ence.“I
nganat
himustbe
t
urni
ngi
nhergrave.”

Um aboutthat
,howdoIt el
lhi
mt hi
sandwher edoI
star
t?Ihavetotel
lhimright?Heneedst oknowso
hecanstopactingli
kethis–Inganathii
snotdead,
i
nsteadsheisinthatnuthouse.Iopenmymout hto
saysomethingbutheiswal ki
ngaway ,
Irushbehi
nd
hi
m and..
.

“GoddamnIam soangr yZobuhl eIwantt okil

l
someone, howcant heydot his?!Howcant heylet
hergetawaywi t
hev ery
thingj ustli
kethat?Tillt
othis
pointtheyhaven’tf
oundherandl ockherbacki nsi
de
thatcell
,andIam sur etheyar enotevenbot her
edto
l
ookf orher!
”acupt hatIdon’ tknowwher eitcame
from comescr ushi
ngatmyf eetandIscr eam taki
ng
af ewstepsback.“Can'twej ustgetwhatweneed–
j
ust i
ce?IsGodt hatcruelthathecanst omponmy
hearttimeandt i
meagain,anddenymeev ery
thing
thatIneed?Firsti
twasSisanda,t
henmy
rel
ationshi
pwithmyson, t
henitwasyou,Inganathi
foll
owedsoonaf t
ert
hat–andnowt hi
s!”hesounds
mor eupsetthanhurt
.

“Wherear
eyougoi
ng?
”Iaskashecl
i
mbsupt
he
stai
rs.

“Iam goingtoshowerthenIam goingoutthereto

l
ookf orthatwomanmy sel
fandi
fIf i
ndherfi
rstthen
Iam goingtokil
lher
.Mar kmywor ds,
”hesay s,
disappeari
ngupstai
rs.

Andnowhowam Igoi
ngt
otel
lhi
m aboutI
nganat
hi?
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-Si
x

Zobuhl
e

Hej ustl ef tliket haty esterdayandhedi dn’tcome

back.Ial socoul dn'twai tforhimt il
lhecameback,
thoughIr eal lywant edt ot al
kt ohim aboutt he
event sofy est erdaybutIguessIwi llhav eto
post pone.Iwentt omypl acei nthemor ningsoI
coul dchangei ntocl eancl othesbef oreImademy
wayt ot hef acili
ty.Ihadt oputonmydet ectivecap
andst artinv estigating,adeadper soncan’ tjustwalk
i
nt ot hebui ldingandst andinf rontofme, andIdon’ t
doany thingabouti t–Ihav etodi gthet ruth.Ican’t
bel osingmymar blesandIam t ooy oungt obe
goingt hrought hatt rauma.Igetoutoft het axiand
thankt hedr iverf ordr oppingatt hegat e,theycanbe
nicesomet imesandi ti
sbyl uckt hathedi di toutof
kindnessandnotbecausehewant smynumber s.

“
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
eZobuhl
e,It
houghty
ou
weren'
tworkingt
oday .
”That’
ssi
sterMartha,she
keepstabsoneverystaffmemberaroundher el
i
ke
sheistheoneinchargeofthehi
ri
ngandf ir
ingbutI
am notther
e.

“Whereisthatgi
rlf
rom y
est
erday?
”Iask,scanni
ng
theopenareawherethepat
ient
ssittohavethei
r
breakf
astandsheisnotamongstthem.

“Whichgir
l?”shel ooksatmeabi tconfused,Ihav
e
neverbeeninterestedinthepati
ent sbeforeandthis
i
snewt oher .Iwoul dn'
taskaboutany thi
ngbesides
gossiportheinsaneev entsoftheni ghtbefor
ebut
todaynoneoft hatinter
estsme; Iam heretoseeone
persononly.

“
Theonet hatcamei nyester
day,shewaswear i
nga
whi
tefloweredy el
l
owdr ess,
herhairwasj usta
mess..
.andohy esshewasn'twearingshoes,”Isay
t
helastpartwhilesnappingmyfingers.Ihadtoadd
i
tbecauseIfoundi tver
yweirdbutshel ooked
comf
ort
abl
einherunmat
chedsocks.

“OhAbenat hi!
”that’
shername?“ Shei si
nr oom
thir
teen,sheisashyonesoshewi ll
behav ingher
breakfastinherroom unti
lsheget susedtot his
place.Sheisav erypret
tygirl
,Iknowshei s...
”Ileav
e
Mar thatoconti
nuet al
ki
ngt oherself
,Iam noti na
moodf orherstor
ies–shesai droom thi
rteenr i
ght?

Iwalkdownt hepassage, t
hesmel lofpeei ssti
llver
y
muchst rongandi tisgoi ngst rai
ghtt omygut .Ican’
t
eatinapl acet hatsmel lslikethisbutt othem it
doesn’tmat terifthesuni sri
singorset ti
ng, i
fthere'
s
l
ightthatmeanst heyshoul dbeawakeandi fi
tis
darkthent heyshoul dbesl eepingbutt here’
saf ew
thatgetitwr ongmanyt i
mes.Iwi l
l notgetintoitI
havetofindt hisgir l
,Ibumpi ntoanur seandIwav e
tohim –hei soneoft hosepeopl ey oucaneasi l
y
mistakeforapat i
enti fhewer etor emov ehis
unif
orm.WhenIf irstcameher eIr eall
ythoughthe
wasanut caset hatwasunder coverbutt hatwas
bef
oreIgott
oknowev
ery
onear
oundher
e.

Igettor oom t hi
rteenandt hedoori sclosed.Iknock
onceandopent hedoor .Thereshei s.Ibli
nkr apidl
y
beforest eppinginside,herr oom smel l
scl eanand
betterthant herestoft heirrooms.Icl oset hedoor
behindme–IknowMar thacalledherAbenat hibut
tomet hi spersoni sInganat hii
naf leshandmy
heartispumpi ngatt het houghtofapossi bil
it
ythat
shecoul dbeaghostorwokeupf r
om t hedeadand
changedhername.Shei sstari
ngatt het r
ayofa
bowl ofoat meal andagl assoforangej uicet hat
tast
esl ikewat ernexttoi t.Iknowi ttasteslikewater
becauseMar t
haoncef ooledmet othinkthati twas
a‘normal ’jui
ce.

“Hi,
”IgreetbutIdon’
tmov efrom myspot,Iwantto
beclosetot hedoorshouldshetryt
odosomet hing
funny.Ihaveseenhowv iol
enttheycangetwhen
theyfeelthr
eatened.
Sher aisesheri ndexfingert ohermout htoshush
meandst artsmumbl ingsomet hingt oherself.They
haver eallymessedupherhead, shel ooksnot hing
l
iketheI nganat hiIknew...
wel lthatisifiti
sr eallyher.
Imov ecl oserwi t
hcalculatedst epswi t
hmyhead
ti
lt
edt ot hesi deasIobser veherf aceasi tcont i
nues
totwitchandt wisttothesi debutshel ookscal m
withherbr eathingreallysteady .Thebeari sinher
hands, sitt
ingi nbet weenherl egl i
kei tisi
tsown
person.“ I
nganat hi
?”Icalloutt akinganot herst ep
andshesnapsherheadt ome, l
ooki ngratherangr y
forsomer eason–i sthisthepar twher eIr ushoutof
theroom bef oresheget sherhandsonme?

•
•
•

Abenat
hi
Atthesi ghtofl
ightt hev oi cesstarttalkingagain,it
i
st hewor stpartofev er
y daybutshecan’ tgetthem
out–t heyar eapar tofherasmuchasshei sapar t
ofthem.Whenshehear dt heladycal lherInganathi,
thevoicesv ani
shedandf orthefir
stt i
mei nalong
ti
mehermi ndwascl ear .Shehasbeenl ongingf or
hersisterforalongt imebecausesheknewhowt o
keephersane, shewast heonl ypersonwho
understoodherandt hev oicesinhermi ndandshe
managedt okeept hem awaybutsi ncef rom t
hel ast
dayshesawher ,thev oi
cescamebackt wiceashar d
andther ewasnoescape.Doest hel adyknowwher e
shecanf i
ndhersist er?Fi ndinghersi sterwouldbe
herfi
ndi nghersanity ,hersaf eplaceandherpeace.

“DoyouknowInganat
hi?
”theladyasksandshe
doesn'
tknowwhethert
onodorspeak–t hev
oices
havedonemostoftheworkforalongti
meso
someti
messhelosestheabi
li
tytofunct
iononher
own.
Shel aysbackdownont hebedandt het earsescape
from thecor ner sofherey esasshesettlesdownon
themat t
resst hatsti
llf
eel for
eignbutshesl eptlikea
babyl astnight .Thevoicesgav eherabreakandt hat
i
st hebestwel comegi ftshecouldhav eev er
received.Zobuhl ewal
kst owardsherstil
l keepinga
safedi stance,shehasbeencl osetopat i
entsbut
shehasnev erbeeninsuchasmal l
room wi thone
soshehadt obecar eful.“Areyouokay,whyar en’t
youeat ing?”sheasksl ooki ngatthegir
l.Shel ooks
somuchl i
ket hewomansheknewandi tishar df or
hermi ndnott of r
eakout ,
heradrenali
nei sonahi gh
l
ev elandshei snotsur ewhatt oexpectfrom thegi rl
i
nf rontofher .

“Ili
kemyoat swi
thmilkandhoney ,
”shesaysi
na
l
owt oneandpoi
ntstothebowl,“t
heyaddedpeanut
butterandIdon’
tli
keit–itdoesn’
tmakemef eel
nice.”

Thenur
sef
rom herol
dhomeknewhowshel
i
ked
herbr eakfast ,
lunchandsupper–shecoul dhav e
thesamet hingev eryday ,theper sonmaki ngt he
foodj usthast omakei trightt henshe’ dbehappy
buttodayt heymessedupheror der.Thi sisnotwhat
sheeat si nthemor ning, herbodywi llrejectitbefor
e
shecoul dswal l
owi tdownandt her ei snowayshe’ s
goingt oal l
owhert astebudst ot astet hatt hing.She
l
ooksatZobuhl e,whol ooksuncomf or tabletobe
aroundherandshi f
tsherey estot het ray .They
could'veaddedt heLi thium i nthejui ce, thatwayshe
woul dn'tbeabl etot astei tandt henwheni tgetsinto
hersy stem shewi llturnint oanaut omat edrobot.
Shewi l
lbeswi mmi ngi nt hecl ouds, freef rom the
voicesbutt heLithium wi llstil
lbehol dingherback
from herbei ngherownper son.

“You'
rebeaut
if
ul,
”shesaysandtri
estopul
lasmil
e
butsheisnotget
ti
ngitri
ghti
nsteadshel
ooksl
ike
shewantstoscareZobuhl
eoff.

“
Thanks,
”Zobuhl
esay
str
yinghar
dnotbeawkwar
d
butshehasbeeninthisroom morethansheshoul
d
haveandmay besheiscrossingt
heboundari
esby
i
nvadingherspaceli
kethis.“
Youlookli
kesomeoneI
know,”shehastotel
lher.

Sheshif
tstolay
sonherbackandt
hebearhasn’
t
l
eftherhands.

“Iusedtohav esomeonewhol ookedlikemeandI

l
ookedliket hem.Somet i
mesIdi dn’
tknowwhi ch
onewasmebecausewewer esoal i
ke, Ilookedat
herandi twasl i
keIwaslookingatmy sel f
,”shesays
withherey esstil
lontheceil
ingandt her e'
sasmi le
onherlipsbuti tdoesn’
tlookforcedliket heoneshe
pull
edear l
ier.Thisonei
smor enatural.

“Youweretwins?”Zobuhleasks,abitconfused.She
hasneverthoughtofitandInganat
hi hasnever
menti
onedany thi
ngabouthav i
ngatwi nsist
eroris
thi
sgir
lplayi
nggameswi t
hher?
“Whatwehadwasdeepert hanusbei ngt wins,our
connectionwentdeepert hant hatofsi sters,we
wer eoneinav er
yuni quewayandt hatiswhatset
usapar t
.Iwasherandshewasme; Iam not hing
withoutherandshei snothingwi thoutme, ”now
thereispainlacedonherv oicewi thapi nchofanger .
Shei sangrythatshehadt ospendt her estofherl i
fe
withoutherot herhalf,i
thasbeennot hi
ngbutt ort
ure
andshehasbeenhol di
ngont otheirmoment s
togetherforthelongestt i
meandseei ngherf acein
hermi ndiswhatget shertof all
asleep, identical
twinsornot ,l
ookingbet weent hem t herewas
nothingyoucoul dfinddifferentaboutt hem butt hey
wer edif
ferentifyoulookeddeeper .Hersi sterwas
abletothinkonherownandshecoul dn'
t.

Hersi sterwashersani t
y,shecouldfuncti
onwithher
aroundandI nganathinev ercomplai
ned.Herfather
didn’tli
kethatv erymuch, he’
dalwaysscoldher
whenshe’ daskI nganathi’
sopinionbefor
eshecould
doorsaysomet hing.Inganathicoul
dn'
tdoal l
the
thinkingforher,shehadt obeherownper sonand
whenshef ai
ledtodoso–shehadnopl aceinthat
house.Godgav eherabr ainandshef ai
ledtousei t
andt herewasnowayt heirfat
herwoul dall
owhi s
sanedaught ertosufferbecauseofher .Theytold
herthatherhomewaswi thherauntfrom thatday
onwar dsandshewasn' tal
lowedinthathousef oras
l
ongasshewasal unat i
c.Asy oungasshewas, her
fatherdidn'
tsugarcoati t
,hetolditl
i
kei ti
sandhe
kickedherout .Hetookawayherhome, herot
her
half,hersani
tyandpeace.

Whent hev oicesareki ndtheyremindhert hatshei s

i
mpor tant,
thatshemat t
ersbutitneverlastsf orlong
befor
et heanxi etyrushesinandt heparanoiat akes
overhermi nd.Thev oi
cescouldt el
lherthatherl eft
facedoesn’tlookl i
ket heri
ghtsideandshe’ dbel ieve
i
t,somet i
mest hey’
dsaysomeonei soutt oki l
l her
andsheshoul dwat chherbackandshe’ dl i
terally
taketwomi rrors,placeoneatthebackandt heot her
oneint hefrontsoshecanseeherback.Ev erything
withherisov eranalysed,sheoverthinkstot hepoi nt
whereshef eelsl i
kehermi ndisaboutt oexpl ode
andthati swhereshe'dstayawakef ort
hreedays
str
aightwi t
hnosl eep.Thedoctorshave
misdiagnosedhermanyt i
mes, t
heycall
editint
ense
depression,thenbipol
arunti
ltheysaidi
twas
schi
z ophreniabutAbenathii
snoneoft hat.

“Cany outellmeaboutyoursi
ster
?”Zobuhle
requestskindlyandsi
tsonthebedwhilethegi
rlt
il
ts
herheadt olookather.

Itisthef i
rstt i
meany onehasev erbeeni nt er estedin
knowi ngaboutI nganathi,abouttheirti
met oget her
orhowshef eels.Shel eapsupwi thexci tement
flowingt hroughherbonesandst artstalkingabout
howt heyusedt opl aycat chinthef r
onty ar d, how
highInganat hiusedt opushheront heswi ngt hat
wasi nt hebacky ard.Thegoodchatt heyusedt o
hav edur i
ngt hel atehour soft henight,howsheused
tot el
l hersisteraboutt hevoicesandwhatt heysaid
toher .Inganat hi t
oldhernott obelieveawor dt hat
theysai d,sheshoul dl i
stentoherbecauseshe’ d
neverli
etoherandshebeli
evedherbutt
hatwas
takenawayfrom hert
houghshedoesn'
tdwel
lon
thatparti
nst
eadshegetsoutofthebedandst
art
s
singi
ngachil
dhoodsong.

Zobuhl eislaughi ngasshei smi ssingal lthenot es

butherwor dsar eright.Thenshemakest hings
wor sebydanci ng,thatmakesZobuhl ebur stoutof
l
aught eragai n.Shei sthewor stdancerandshoul d
l
eav ethedanci ngtoi t
sownpeopl e,i
ti sbyl uckt hat
shehasn’ tbrokenoneofherl i
mbsal ready .Butthere
i
ssomet hingabouthert hatremi ndsZobuhl eof
Inganathi,herchi l
dishnatureandt hei nabilityt
ost ay
put.Thesmi l
ei salmostt hesame–t heyar ethe
sameper sonbutnotexact ly.Abenathi istiredand
hungr ybyt hetimesheconcl udesherdancewi t
ha
bowatt heendandZobuhl eclapsf orher .Itwas
scar ytobei nthisroom wi thherbutshei s
compl etelyharml ess.Whi l
etheyshar eal ight
chuckle, t
hedooropensandSi st
erMar thaappear s.
Abenat hiissadtoseeZobuhl eleave,shegetstoo
attachedt opeopleandshedoesn' tifshedoesn't
wantt o,Zobuhlejustturnedoutt obeoneoft he
l
uckyones.Zobuhl eleavesther oom, promi
sing
Abanat hithatshewillbebackt omor row–t hi
sisher
wor kpl
acesoshe’ ddef i
nitel
ybeback.Sheknows
thatMar thaistheretogivehermedi cati
onwhich
mightknockheroutt il
ltomorrow.

•
•
•

Nomagugu

Shehasf i
nall
ygotherfreedom andshecouldn'
tbe
happier
.Andshei sgoi
ngt omaket hemostwhi l
e
sheisouthere,shehasal otofwrongsthatshe
needstorightbutshecan’tdothatonherown
becausethepolicear
eoutt her
elookingforher
.
Inganathi
’sdeathisthelastthi
ngsheexpect ed,the
manshehasbeenconspi ri
ngwithherleftsoonaf ter
shewasdecl aredguilt
ybutthatwasunt i
l hepitched
upoutofnowher eandtoldherabouttheescape
plan.Shestil
ldoesn’
tknowwhathepl anst odowi th
herbutshehaspl ansofherownandshehast his
oneper sonthatshedesperatel
ywantst omakehi m
suffer
.

“I
nganathii
sgone, nowi ti
st i
metotakeawaywhat
i
sdeart ohim –theteam, ”shesaysdial
li
nga
numberonherphone.Herf ightwi
thSimbongahas
al
way sbeenaboutbusi nessbuthemadei tpersonal
bysendinghertojailsoshei sal
sogoingtogo
personalonhim butfornowshei sgoingtohithim
ont hebusi
nessside,takeawayev er
ythi
ngandl eave
hi
m st r
andedbeforehitti
nghim onwhathurtsthe
most .

“Heyman,l
ist
enIneedafavourf
rom you,
”shesay
s
aft
erget
ti
ngov ert
hegr
eeti
ngswitht
hepersonon
t
heot
hersi
deoft
hel
i
ne.

“
NomaguguyouknowIdon’
tfavour
sforpeopl
eli
ke
y
ou–getoveryour
sel
fanddelet
emynumber s.
”

“Iwil
lpayyou!”shesay sbeforehehangsupandhe
staysontheli
net ohearmor eofwhatshehast osay.
“Ineedyoutogetr i
dofsomepeopl e,getthem out
ofthecountr
ybef oretheendoft hemont handI
wanty out
ost artwithZobuhleThabethe,”shesay s.
Shehaspeopl efoll
owingSimbonga, sheknowst hat
heisouttherelookingforherbuthewon’ tfindher
andsheknowst hatZobuhlehasbeenspendi ng
mor eti
meinhi shouse–sheev enslepttherelast
night.

“
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
odo?
”

“
Sheisasoccerpl
ayersofi
ndsomethi
ng,an
i
nter
nshi
porsomethingbutmakesur
eiti
sanof
fer
thatshewon’tbeablet
or ef
use.Iwi l
lsendyouthe
detai
lsofherandtheothergir
ls.Expectthedeposi
t
beforetheendoftheday,
”shet el
lshim.

“
Iti
salwaysapl
easur
etodobusi
nesswi
thy
ou
Nomagugu.”

“YouaremymanWey mouthandIwil
lal
way
stake
careofyou,
don’
tev
erfor
getthat
.”
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-Sev
en

Nomagugu

Shehasonel
astcal
ltomake.

“Ihear
dy ouar
eback,
”thev
oicesai
dthr
ought
he
speaker.

“Youknowy oucan’
thol
dawilddogdownforl
onger
thanami nut
e–Iam backandIam r
eadytomakeit
known,”shesayswi
thagri
nonherface.

“
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
odo?
”

“
Iwil
lsendyouthephotosanddet ai
l
softhetarget
;
makesuretomakeitl
ookl i
keanaccident,
Idon’t
wantanyfl
opsoranyinvest
igat
ionsthatwil
ll
ead
ev
ery
thi
ngt
ome.
”

“Youhaveknownmeforalongtimetodoubtme
Nomagugu,sendmeever
ythingandIwil
lmakeyou
proud.
”

Hersmi l
est ret
cheswi derasshecutsthecall.Sheis
theGodt hatnev erfor
givesbutrepent
swhenshe
hasbeenwr ongedandt hosewhohav ewr ongedher
wil
lfeelherwr ath,ohnoshe'snotdoney et,t
here’s
moret ocomeandt hi
sisjustthebegi
nni
ngof
ever
y t
hing.Shesi t
sbackont hecouchandexhal es
soft
ly–r evengehasnev ert
astedsogood.

•
•
•

Zobuhl
e
It
’sexactlysevenday s;sev endaysandIhav en't
seenorhear df rom Si mbonga.Asy oungasIam, I
sweart hatguywi llkillmeofanhear tattack
becausehe’ snotev enbot heri
ngtosendat extto
saythathei sokayandsaf e.Idon’tev enknowwhyI
worryaboutt hatoldmanwhenhecanl ookaf t
er
himselfandi fanythinghappenst ohim, Iwi l
l know
aswel lasther estoft hewor l
dbutIam st i
l
lwor ri
ed.
Ical
l hi
m agai nandi ttakesmet ov oicemai l–again.
Ihuffandf i
ndmyf eet ,Ihav etodasht owor kIwi ll
worryaboutev ery
thingel seaf t
erthat.Myphone
ri
ngsasIam maki ngmybedandIj umpf orit,
thi
nkingitisSimbongar eturni
ngmycal ls.

“Hel
l
o,”Ianswer,
itisanunsav ednumbersoIhave
tobeneutral
unti
ltheot herper
sonsayssomethi
ng
butmyfingersar
ecr ossedthatitbeSi
mbonga.

“Hi
,you’
respeaki
ngtoRyanWeymout
h.Am I
speaki
ngtoZobuhleThabet
he?
”
Ryanwho?Thesameguyt hatSimbongahasbeen
accusingofkil
li
ngInganat hi
,whythehel lishe
calli
ngmeormay behehascomebackwi thmor e
threats–hecan’treachSi mbongasohei scall
ing
met opassont hemessage.Wel lhecamet othe
wronggi r
lbecauseIain’tdoingshitforhim,IwishI
wasi ntovoodoostuffthenI’
dhav ekill
edhi m
throughthephoneandnoonewoul dknowbutdeat h
willbetooeasyforhim, maybeIshoul dsend
l
ightningtocausehimt ohav eastroket henhe’dsee
thatli
feisnotheretomakef ri
endswi t
hany one.

“
Whatdoy
ouwant
?”

“Iti
snotwhatIwantbutwhatIcanof feryoumi ss
Thabet he,”hesaysandIexhalesharply,hebett
er
talkfastbecauseIcan’tpausemyl i
feforasecond
l
ongerf oramurdererandaf r
aud.“Ihav ebeen
speakingt oalotofpeopleaboutuplif
tingtheyouth,
Iknowy oudon’thavemuchgoi ngon,Imeanbei nga
cl
eaneri
nthatnuthouseandplay
ingsoccerwi t
hout
payi
snotexactl
ywhatany onewit
hy ourstat
us
wouldwantt
odof ortherestoft
heirl
ives.
”

Idon’tknowwhi chstatushei stal

kingabout
becauseIam anor dinarypersonlivi
ngli
keev ery
otherperson.Thatstatusheist al
ki
ngaboutdi ed
withmyf atheranditwasbur iedwithhim, aft
erthatI
havebeenmyownper sonnot hingspecial.Butthat
doesn’tmeanIam notl ookingforopport unit
iesto
upli
ftmyl i
fe–Ihav ebeenst uckinacanf oralong
ti
mewai tingforanoppor t
unitytoshowi tself
.

“Tal
kfast
,Idon’
thav
ethewhol
eday
,”Isay
,si
tt
ing
downonthebed.

“Il
ikeyouratti
tudeandIam sureyouar etheperfect
personforthejob.Ihaveasmallteam inBrazi
lthat
i
sl ooki
ngforapl ayer
,youknowhowt hosepeopl e
areeagerwheni tcomest ofoot
ballsotheyare
alwayslookingfornewt al
ent
.WhenIt ol
dt hem
aboutyouandshowedthem y
ourwor
ktheywer
e
i
nterest
edtotakey
ouin.”

“Butwhywoul
dtheyt
akemewhenIam j
usta
nobody?
”

“
YouhavetalentZobuhleandtheyarewill
ingtohel
p
y
oureal
iseit
.Idon’tknowabouty oubutIreal
lythi
nk
t
hisi
sagreatoppor t
unit
yandIwoul dn’
tleti
tgo.But
t
heball
isinyourcourtmyl ady
,”hesays.

“Iam af
rai
dIwil
lnotbet
akingany
thing.Ial
ready
haveateam her
eandIam happyri
ghtwhereIam. ”

“Iknowy ourloyal
tylieswit
hthatboySimbongabut
haveyout houghtaboutwhaty ouwant–hei sgood
atwhathedoesnodoubtaboutt hatbutwher ei
she
now?Ar ey oureall
yhappyZobuhleory ou’r
e
sacri
fi
cingy ourli
feforamanwhoi sl
ivinghisbest
l
ifewhil
ey ou’reli
vinginthebackr
oom?Thi sisBrazi
l
thatIam t
alki
ngabouthereandy
oudon’thaveto
givemeananswernow, youcanj
ustthi
nkaboutit
andgetbackt omesoIcanmaket henecessar
y
arrangementsfory
ou.
”

Iremainsi l
entforaf ewseconds,hei ssur eplay
ing
withmymi ndr i
ghtnowandIam af raidbecausehe
i
swi nning.Hedi dhishomewor kandt hi
siswhatI
needandhav ealway swanted.Ididn'tplaythatwell
toenduppl ayi
ngf oratownshipteam f ortherestof
myl i
fe.ThisiswhatIneedt omakemybr eakthr
ough
butthent hereisSimbonga–hehasal way sbeen
thereformeandt hiswouldbeunf aironhi m.Idon’t
knowwhatt odo, Iam li
ter
all
ystuckbet weenar ock
andahar dpl ace.

“
Letmet
hinkabouti
tandgetbackt
oyou.
”

“
That
'sallIam asking,
”hesoundsreal
lyhappy,
“
don'
ttaket oolongbutal
waysr emi
ndy our
sel
fthat
y
ouaredoi ngthisfory
ouandy ouhaveearnedi
t.
Unti
lwespeakagai
nmissThabet
he,
”hesay
shi
s
goodby
esandhangsup.

Iputthephonedownandl ookuptot heroof.Ihav

e
alotofthinki
ngt hatIhavetodobutf ornowIhav e
togettowor k.Itakemybag, l
eavi
ngt hebed
unmadeandst epoutoft heroom.Out si
dethereis
Ntombi andtheot hergir
ls,t
heydon’tlookhappyand
Iknowwhatt hi
sisabout .Il
ockthedoorandheadt o
them.

“WhereisSi
mbonga?Wehav ebeencomingherefor
pract
ici
ngandheisnev
erhere,
”thati
swhatthey
sayassoonasIstandi
nfrontofthem.

“Idon’tknowwhati sgoi
ngon, Iam al
soint
hedark
j
ustlikey ouguys,
”Itel
lthem butt
heyarest
il
lnot
happy–t heywantanswers.

“
Shoul
dwel
ookf
oranewcoachorj
ustf
orgetabout
playingfootballasawhol ebecausewhati s
happeni ngherei snotworki
ngf oranyofus.He
promi sedust hewor l
dandnowwher eishe?”af
ter
Slindil
e,Ntombi istheonewhohasal wayshadabi g
mout hwit
hal ott osayandwi t
hSlindil
enomor e,
shei sthebossnowandt herestofthem bezwa
ngay e.

“AngaziNt
ombi,dowhaty ouwantt
odobutwhatI
knowisSimbongadidn’
tjustdi
tcht
het
eam,hehas
thi
ngsthatheneedstodealwit
handwhenheis
donehewi l
lbeback.
”

“Youhavejusttol
dusthatyoudon’tknowwher ehe
i
ssowhydoy ousoundsosurethatheiscoming
back?Andwhenhecomesback, whenwi l
lthatbe–
nextyearortheyearaf
tert
hat?”

Ihuff,
ther
eisnowaytogett
hroughherwhensheis
i
nherf i
ghti
ngmodebutshei
sf i
ghti
ngthewrong
personandIdon'
thav
etheanswers.Idon’
tworki
n
Simbonga’smi nd.Il
eavethem standi
ngt her
ewhi l
e
theyshoutmor equesti
onst hatIdon’
thav eanswers
for;
Simbongawher ear
ey ou?Igetat axiandIneed
togotoSi mbonga’shouse,may behisbodyi s
decomposi nginhishouseandnoonei sthereto
fi
ndhim.Ij ustcan’
thel
pmy sel
fbutthinkofthe
worstthatcouldhappentohi m.Theridegivesme
ti
met othinkaboutwhatWey mouthtoldme, Iwil
l
needtothinkmor eaboutthiswithaclearmi ndand
knowingSi mbongaisokaywi ll
givemet hatpeaceof
mind.

Igettohi shouseandt heplacelooksdeser t

edlike
hehasn’ tbeenher eforthewhol eweek.Ont he
coffeetablet hereisanot e,whichIguessi s
addressedt omeandi tsays,‘Iam notdeady et,
stil
l
outlookingf orNomagugu.Takecar eofy oursel
f,’
that’
sall i
tsay s.Idon’tknowwhati sgoingonwi th
him buthecan’ tbeoutt herelooki
ngf orthatwoman
onhi sown, Imeanhecoul d’
vehi r
edapr ivat
e
i
nv esti
gatortodoal lthewor kforhim.Whathei s
doingisnotheal thy,
nowi tisjustanobsessi onand
may beithelpshimforgetaboutfocusi
ngont hepain
oflosi
ngI nganathi
butheisalsolosinghimself.The
mor eheisoutt her
e,themorehei sputt
inghimself
i
ndangerbutwhoam It otel
lagrownmanwhatt o
do–hesai dIshouldtakecareofmy sel
fandt hatis
exactl
ywhatIam goi ngtodo.

•••

Spendingt i
mewi thAbenat hihasbeengr eatandt he
mor eItalktoher ,t
hemor eIact ual
lyreali
set hatshe
i
snotcr azy .Yeahshehasi ssuesbutt heyr un
deeperthanament ali
ll
nessormay beshei sl i
kethis
becauset heymadeherbel i
ev ethatsheiscr azy ,
I
don’tknow.Si sterMarthat oldmet hatthedoct oris
actuall
yhappyabouthowAbenat hii
sdoi ng, Idon’t
knowi fIshoul dcalli
tprogr essbutMar that ol dme
thatinhercondi ti
on–peopl enev ergetbet ter ,
they
onlygetwor se–soIdon’ tknowwhatt ot hi
nkbutI
beli
evet hatshei smoret hanj ustherill
nessandI
wanthert or eali
sethat.Igeti nt
oherr oom andshe
i
shappytoseeme,Ihav
en’ty
etseenheri
nher
wor
standIdon’
tthi
nkIwishto.

“Howismyfavour
it
epati
entdoi
ngtoday
?”Iask,
makingmywayinandsheisbusywit
hsomething
onthepai
nti
ngboard.

“
Good.”Ihavegot t
enusedtoheroneword
r
esponses.Ithappensoft
enwhensheisn’
t
i
nter
estedintalki
ngbutbl
absalotwhenshei
sin
t
hemood.

“Whatar ey oubusywith? ”Iwal karoundtohav ea

goodl ookont heboard.“ Ohwow, ”Iam stunned.
Howcanshedot hat
?Imeant heycalledhercr azy
soshoul dn'tshebescribblingwhat everthatisgoing
oninhermi nd.Foraninsaneper son,theey es
shouldbeont hechinandt hechi nshouldbe
somewher ebehindtheper son'sheadbutt his
pai
ntingl ooksalmostper fect.“Whot aughty outodo
thi
s?”Idon’ tknowwhot hisper sonisbutshehas
gi
venl
i
fet
othepai
nti
ngboar
d.

“
Me.
”

Iwantt oaskhowbutIdon’ t,itmustbegood

practiceandl ooki ngatt hismakesmewonderwhat
mor eshe’ scapabl eof .Ihav eseent hedressesshe
wear s,theydon’ tlookper f
ectl i
kesheboughtt hem
somewher eandt heyf itperfectlyonherbodysoa
thoughthaspoppedi nmyheadt hatprobablyshe
madet hem her selfbutIhav eal wayspushedi ttothe
backofmymi nd.Thi sisexact l
ywhatIneededt ogo
throughwhatIhav ebeent hinkingabout ,
shecan’ t
beher efort her estofherl ife–shehast ogo
somewher ewher et heywon’ thol dherbackandcal l
hercr azy.Iknowherpar entsar enotanopt ion
becauset heyhav eal readypr ov enthattheydidn’ t
accepther ,Imeanwhatki ndofapar entmov eson
witht heirl
ivesnotknowi nghowt heirchil
di sdoing,
theyabandonedhersoIcan’ tt akehert herebut
therei sapl acewher eshecangot o.
“Abenat
hi,
”shetur
nstolookatme.“
Doy
ouwantt
o
getoutofhere?
”Iask.
Shelooksatme,l
ikeshei
sthi
nkingreal
l
yhar
dand
tur
nst ol
ookatt
heboard,
conti
nuingwit
hher
pai
nting.

“
No,thi
sismyhome,
”shesay
sst
il
lfocusi
ngon
whatshei
sdoi
ng.

“Okaybuti fy ouev erchangey ourmind,thereisa

placewher eyoucangoandt heyarelovelypeople.
Yoursi sterknewt hem andt heylovedhersoIam
suret heyar egoingt oloveyoutoo,”Il
ookar oundf or
api eceofpaper ,Ifinditandusedt hepainttowr i
te
theaddr essdown.“ Iam goingawayf orawhi lesoI
willbehappyt oknowt hatyouaresafeandy ouare
l
ivingy ourbestlife.Youar etooyoungtobest uckin
thisplace–Iwi shy ouhadt imetoseet hewor ldand
bey ourownper son, nothavetotakemedi cat i
onor
hav epeopl efeari
ngy oubecauset heythinky ouare
crazy.Idon’
tthinkyouarecrazy,i
tisjustt
haty
ou
seelifeinadif
f er
entli
ghtandangle.Iknow
Inganathiwould’v
ebeenhappyt oseey ou,
”she
doesn'ttur
ntol ookatmeatal l
andIsi gh,
making
mywayt othedoor .

WhenIopenthedoor,
shelooksupbutwi
thablank
st
areandIhopethi
sisnotgoodby
e.Iwal
koutand
cl
osethedoorbehi
ndme.

•
•
•

Si
mbonga

Ihavebeentoallpoli
cestati
onstomakeitknown
thati
tisi
mportantforthem t
ofindNomagugu.That
womani sadangertot hesoci
etyandt
hecountryas
awhol e,whoknowswhatshei supt o.Iam not
wor ri
edaboutmy selfbutIam wor riedabout
everyonewhohav esufferedinherhandsandt hose
whoar egoi
ngtosuf fersincetheylethergo.They
saysheescapedbutshewoul dn'thav eescapedif
theywer ewatchingher .Thesepolicear eusel
ess,
theycan’tdoonet hingandt hatistheirjobbutthey
willbequicktoarrestthosewhot akel awint
otheir
ownhandsbecauset heyaredoingwhatt hepoli
ce
fail
edt odo.Iwishexecut i
onwasst il
llegal
,
Nomagugui sawast eofspaceandshedeser vesto
die!

Myphonehasbeenof fsincel astni

ghtbutnowI
switchiton.Itri
edget ti
ngahol dofMrObennebo
andhei snotar ound, hel eftthecount r
yj ustaf
ter
thefuner al
.Hi
swi fesay sitisabusi nesst ri
pbutI
doubti t
,hisdaughter'sdeat hhithim hardandhei s
selfi
shenought oleav ehi swi fetomour nonherown.
Idon’ tt
hinkheknowst hatNomagugui sout
becausei fheknewt henhe’ dbeher ealready,
helpingmet olookf ort hatdog–Ihat eherwi t
h
everyfibr
einmybodyandknowi ngsheisoutther
e
si
ppingoncocktail
sinsteadofbei
ngpunishedfor
hersinsmakesmybl oodboil.Myphoneisfl
ooded
bymessagesandmi ssedcal
ls,mostar
efrom
Zobuhlebutther
eisonemessaget hatatt
ract
smy
att
ention.

‘
IknowwhereNomagugui
s,r
eplyt
othi
snumber
andIwi
l
lsendyouanaddr
ess.
’I
tsays.

Iquickl
yr epl
ywi t
houtthinki
ngt wiceandanot her
messagecomesi nwiththeaddr ess.Ihavebeen
l
ivinginmycarf orthepastf iv
eday s,alway sonthe
roadsear chi
ngandmostofal ltryi
ngt oforgetabout
thepain.Ijustneedsomet hingtof ocusont hatwi l
l
numbt hepai nandal cohol i
sn’thelpi
ngbutl ooking
forNomagugui swhatkeepsmef uell
edupand
l
ookingf orwar dtothenextday ,tomakepr ogress
andev entuallyfi
ndher .ThisaddressiswhatI
needed,Iqui cklyputitinmyGPSandst artedthecar .
ImakeaU- turnandf ollowtheGPS.Thi sisaper fect
pl
aceforhertohi
de,Ihavenev erbeenther
ebefore
butIhavehear
dthatther
ear en’tmanypeoplewho
usual
lygother
esohidingtherei sl
i
kebeingofft
he
gri
d.

AsIam dr ivi
ng, amessagepopsi nandIt hink
whoev ersentmet hemessagei sf oll
owingupbuti t
i
sadi fferentnumberwi thaphot oofZobuhl eandi t
l
ooksl i
keshe’ sgoi ngsomewher e.Ar etheyaf terher
too?Thet extsay s,‘It
oldy out ol eav ethegame
beforeitcr i
pplesy ou,’i
tdoesn' tsaywher eorwho
sentthemessagebutIr emembert heper sonwho
saidthosewor dst omeandi t'sNomagugu!Ist epon
theaccel eratorandont hei ntersect ionther oboti s
greenbutwhenIam i nami ddle, at ruckcomesout
ofnowher eandwi thonebl inki thitsmycar ,andt he
carstartedr oll
ing.Onesecondi twasup, t henex tit
wasdown–i thappenedsof astandt henextIknew
myl ungswer ebur ningandIwasdr if
ti
ngi nandout
ofsleep.If oughtt heur getocl osemyey esbutIwas
l
osingandasecondl at
er ,
ev erythingwentdar k.
.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-Sev
en

Nomagugu

Shehasonel
astcal
ltomake.

“Ihear
dy ouar
eback,
”thev
oicesai
dthr
ought
he
speaker.

“Youknowy oucan’
thol
dawilddogdownforl
onger
thanami nut
e–Iam backandIam r
eadytomakeit
known,”shesayswi
thagri
nonherface.

“
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
odo?
”

“
Iwil
lsendyouthephotosanddet ai
l
softhetarget
;
makesuretomakeitl
ookl i
keanaccident,
Idon’t
wantanyfl
opsoranyinvest
igat
ionsthatwil
ll
ead
ev
ery
thi
ngt
ome.
”

“Youhaveknownmeforalongtimetodoubtme
Nomagugu,sendmeever
ythingandIwil
lmakeyou
proud.
”

Hersmi l
est ret
cheswi derasshecutsthecall.Sheis
theGodt hatnev erfor
givesbutrepent
swhenshe
hasbeenwr ongedandt hosewhohav ewr ongedher
wil
lfeelherwr ath,ohnoshe'snotdoney et,t
here’s
moret ocomeandt hi
sisjustthebegi
nni
ngof
ever
y t
hing.Shesi t
sbackont hecouchandexhal es
soft
ly–r evengehasnev ert
astedsogood.

•
•
•

Zobuhl
e
It
’sexactlysevenday s;sev endaysandIhav en't
seenorhear df rom Si mbonga.Asy oungasIam, I
sweart hatguywi llkillmeofanhear tattack
becausehe’ snotev enbot heri
ngtosendat extto
saythathei sokayandsaf e.Idon’tev enknowwhyI
worryaboutt hatoldmanwhenhecanl ookaf t
er
himselfandi fanythinghappenst ohim, Iwi l
l know
aswel lasther estoft hewor l
dbutIam st i
l
lwor ri
ed.
Ical
l hi
m agai nandi ttakesmet ov oicemai l–again.
Ihuffandf i
ndmyf eet ,Ihav etodasht owor kIwi ll
worryaboutev ery
thingel seaf t
erthat.Myphone
ri
ngsasIam maki ngmybedandIj umpf orit,
thi
nkingitisSimbongar eturni
ngmycal ls.

“Hel
l
o,”Ianswer,
itisanunsav ednumbersoIhave
tobeneutral
unti
ltheot herper
sonsayssomethi
ng
butmyfingersar
ecr ossedthatitbeSi
mbonga.

“Hi
,you’
respeaki
ngtoRyanWeymout
h.Am I
speaki
ngtoZobuhleThabet
he?
”
Ryanwho?Thesameguyt hatSimbongahasbeen
accusingofkil
li
ngInganat hi
,whythehel lishe
calli
ngmeormay behehascomebackwi thmor e
threats–hecan’treachSi mbongasohei scall
ing
met opassont hemessage.Wel lhecamet othe
wronggi r
lbecauseIain’tdoingshitforhim,IwishI
wasi ntovoodoostuffthenI’
dhav ekill
edhi m
throughthephoneandnoonewoul dknowbutdeat h
willbetooeasyforhim, maybeIshoul dsend
l
ightningtocausehimt ohav eastroket henhe’dsee
thatli
feisnotheretomakef ri
endswi t
hany one.

“
Whatdoy
ouwant
?”

“Iti
snotwhatIwantbutwhatIcanof feryoumi ss
Thabet he,”hesaysandIexhalesharply,hebett
er
talkfastbecauseIcan’tpausemyl i
feforasecond
l
ongerf oramurdererandaf r
aud.“Ihav ebeen
speakingt oalotofpeopleaboutuplif
tingtheyouth,
Iknowy oudon’thavemuchgoi ngon,Imeanbei nga
cl
eaneri
nthatnuthouseandplay
ingsoccerwi t
hout
payi
snotexactl
ywhatany onewit
hy ourstat
us
wouldwantt
odof ortherestoft
heirl
ives.
”

Idon’tknowwhi chstatushei stal

kingabout
becauseIam anor dinarypersonlivi
ngli
keev ery
otherperson.Thatstatusheist al
ki
ngaboutdi ed
withmyf atheranditwasbur iedwithhim, aft
erthatI
havebeenmyownper sonnot hingspecial.Butthat
doesn’tmeanIam notl ookingforopport unit
iesto
upli
ftmyl i
fe–Ihav ebeenst uckinacanf oralong
ti
mewai tingforanoppor t
unitytoshowi tself
.

“Tal
kfast
,Idon’
thav
ethewhol
eday
,”Isay
,si
tt
ing
downonthebed.

“Il
ikeyouratti
tudeandIam sureyouar etheperfect
personforthejob.Ihaveasmallteam inBrazi
lthat
i
sl ooki
ngforapl ayer
,youknowhowt hosepeopl e
areeagerwheni tcomest ofoot
ballsotheyare
alwayslookingfornewt al
ent
.WhenIt ol
dt hem
aboutyouandshowedthem y
ourwor
ktheywer
e
i
nterest
edtotakey
ouin.”

“Butwhywoul
dtheyt
akemewhenIam j
usta
nobody?
”

“
YouhavetalentZobuhleandtheyarewill
ingtohel
p
y
oureal
iseit
.Idon’tknowabouty oubutIreal
lythi
nk
t
hisi
sagreatoppor t
unit
yandIwoul dn’
tleti
tgo.But
t
heball
isinyourcourtmyl ady
,”hesays.

“Iam af
rai
dIwil
lnotbet
akingany
thing.Ial
ready
haveateam her
eandIam happyri
ghtwhereIam. ”

“Iknowy ourloyal
tylieswit
hthatboySimbongabut
haveyout houghtaboutwhaty ouwant–hei sgood
atwhathedoesnodoubtaboutt hatbutwher ei
she
now?Ar ey oureall
yhappyZobuhleory ou’r
e
sacri
fi
cingy ourli
feforamanwhoi sl
ivinghisbest
l
ifewhil
ey ou’reli
vinginthebackr
oom?Thi sisBrazi
l
thatIam t
alki
ngabouthereandy
oudon’thaveto
givemeananswernow, youcanj
ustthi
nkaboutit
andgetbackt omesoIcanmaket henecessar
y
arrangementsfory
ou.
”

Iremainsi l
entforaf ewseconds,hei ssur eplay
ing
withmymi ndr i
ghtnowandIam af raidbecausehe
i
swi nning.Hedi dhishomewor kandt hi
siswhatI
needandhav ealway swanted.Ididn'tplaythatwell
toenduppl ayi
ngf oratownshipteam f ortherestof
myl i
fe.ThisiswhatIneedt omakemybr eakthr
ough
butthent hereisSimbonga–hehasal way sbeen
thereformeandt hiswouldbeunf aironhi m.Idon’t
knowwhatt odo, Iam li
ter
all
ystuckbet weenar ock
andahar dpl ace.

“
Letmet
hinkabouti
tandgetbackt
oyou.
”

“
That
'sallIam asking,
”hesoundsreal
lyhappy,
“
don'
ttaket oolongbutal
waysr emi
ndy our
sel
fthat
y
ouaredoi ngthisfory
ouandy ouhaveearnedi
t.
Unti
lwespeakagai
nmissThabet
he,
”hesay
shi
s
goodby
esandhangsup.

Iputthephonedownandl ookuptot heroof.Ihav

e
alotofthinki
ngt hatIhavetodobutf ornowIhav e
togettowor k.Itakemybag, l
eavi
ngt hebed
unmadeandst epoutoft heroom.Out si
dethereis
Ntombi andtheot hergir
ls,t
heydon’tlookhappyand
Iknowwhatt hi
sisabout .Il
ockthedoorandheadt o
them.

“WhereisSi
mbonga?Wehav ebeencomingherefor
pract
ici
ngandheisnev
erhere,
”thati
swhatthey
sayassoonasIstandi
nfrontofthem.

“Idon’tknowwhati sgoi
ngon, Iam al
soint
hedark
j
ustlikey ouguys,
”Itel
lthem butt
heyarest
il
lnot
happy–t heywantanswers.

“
Shoul
dwel
ookf
oranewcoachorj
ustf
orgetabout
playingfootballasawhol ebecausewhati s
happeni ngherei snotworki
ngf oranyofus.He
promi sedust hewor l
dandnowwher eishe?”af
ter
Slindil
e,Ntombi istheonewhohasal wayshadabi g
mout hwit
hal ott osayandwi t
hSlindil
enomor e,
shei sthebossnowandt herestofthem bezwa
ngay e.

“AngaziNt
ombi,dowhaty ouwantt
odobutwhatI
knowisSimbongadidn’
tjustdi
tcht
het
eam,hehas
thi
ngsthatheneedstodealwit
handwhenheis
donehewi l
lbeback.
”

“Youhavejusttol
dusthatyoudon’tknowwher ehe
i
ssowhydoy ousoundsosurethatheiscoming
back?Andwhenhecomesback, whenwi l
lthatbe–
nextyearortheyearaf
tert
hat?”

Ihuff,
ther
eisnowaytogett
hroughherwhensheis
i
nherf i
ghti
ngmodebutshei
sf i
ghti
ngthewrong
personandIdon'
thav
etheanswers.Idon’
tworki
n
Simbonga’smi nd.Il
eavethem standi
ngt her
ewhi l
e
theyshoutmor equesti
onst hatIdon’
thav eanswers
for;
Simbongawher ear
ey ou?Igetat axiandIneed
togotoSi mbonga’shouse,may behisbodyi s
decomposi nginhishouseandnoonei sthereto
fi
ndhim.Ij ustcan’
thel
pmy sel
fbutthinkofthe
worstthatcouldhappentohi m.Theridegivesme
ti
met othinkaboutwhatWey mouthtoldme, Iwil
l
needtothinkmor eaboutthiswithaclearmi ndand
knowingSi mbongaisokaywi ll
givemet hatpeaceof
mind.

Igettohi shouseandt heplacelooksdeser t

edlike
hehasn’ tbeenher eforthewhol eweek.Ont he
coffeetablet hereisanot e,whichIguessi s
addressedt omeandi tsays,‘Iam notdeady et,
stil
l
outlookingf orNomagugu.Takecar eofy oursel
f,’
that’
sall i
tsay s.Idon’tknowwhati sgoingonwi th
him buthecan’ tbeoutt herelooki
ngf orthatwoman
onhi sown, Imeanhecoul d’
vehi r
edapr ivat
e
i
nv esti
gatortodoal lthewor kforhim.Whathei s
doingisnotheal thy,
nowi tisjustanobsessi onand
may beithelpshimforgetaboutfocusi
ngont hepain
oflosi
ngI nganathi
butheisalsolosinghimself.The
mor eheisoutt her
e,themorehei sputt
inghimself
i
ndangerbutwhoam It otel
lagrownmanwhatt o
do–hesai dIshouldtakecareofmy sel
fandt hatis
exactl
ywhatIam goi ngtodo.

•••

Spendingt i
mewi thAbenat hihasbeengr eatandt he
mor eItalktoher ,t
hemor eIact ual
lyreali
set hatshe
i
snotcr azy .Yeahshehasi ssuesbutt heyr un
deeperthanament ali
ll
nessormay beshei sl i
kethis
becauset heymadeherbel i
ev ethatsheiscr azy ,
I
don’tknow.Si sterMarthat oldmet hatthedoct oris
actuall
yhappyabouthowAbenat hii
sdoi ng, Idon’t
knowi fIshoul dcalli
tprogr essbutMar that ol dme
thatinhercondi ti
on–peopl enev ergetbet ter ,
they
onlygetwor se–soIdon’ tknowwhatt ot hi
nkbutI
beli
evet hatshei smoret hanj ustherill
nessandI
wanthert or eali
sethat.Igeti nt
oherr oom andshe
i
shappytoseeme,Ihav
en’ty
etseenheri
nher
wor
standIdon’
tthi
nkIwishto.

“Howismyfavour
it
epati
entdoi
ngtoday
?”Iask,
makingmywayinandsheisbusywit
hsomething
onthepai
nti
ngboard.

“
Good.”Ihavegot t
enusedtoheroneword
r
esponses.Ithappensoft
enwhensheisn’
t
i
nter
estedintalki
ngbutbl
absalotwhenshei
sin
t
hemood.

“Whatar ey oubusywith? ”Iwal karoundtohav ea

goodl ookont heboard.“ Ohwow, ”Iam stunned.
Howcanshedot hat
?Imeant heycalledhercr azy
soshoul dn'tshebescribblingwhat everthatisgoing
oninhermi nd.Foraninsaneper son,theey es
shouldbeont hechinandt hechi nshouldbe
somewher ebehindtheper son'sheadbutt his
pai
ntingl ooksalmostper fect.“Whot aughty outodo
thi
s?”Idon’ tknowwhot hisper sonisbutshehas
gi
venl
i
fet
othepai
nti
ngboar
d.

“
Me.
”

Iwantt oaskhowbutIdon’ t,itmustbegood

practiceandl ooki ngatt hismakesmewonderwhat
mor eshe’ scapabl eof .Ihav eseent hedressesshe
wear s,theydon’ tlookper f
ectl i
kesheboughtt hem
somewher eandt heyf itperfectlyonherbodysoa
thoughthaspoppedi nmyheadt hatprobablyshe
madet hem her selfbutIhav eal wayspushedi ttothe
backofmymi nd.Thi sisexact l
ywhatIneededt ogo
throughwhatIhav ebeent hinkingabout ,
shecan’ t
beher efort her estofherl ife–shehast ogo
somewher ewher et heywon’ thol dherbackandcal l
hercr azy.Iknowherpar entsar enotanopt ion
becauset heyhav eal readypr ov enthattheydidn’ t
accepther ,Imeanwhatki ndofapar entmov eson
witht heirl
ivesnotknowi nghowt heirchil
di sdoing,
theyabandonedhersoIcan’ tt akehert herebut
therei sapl acewher eshecangot o.
“Abenat
hi,
”shetur
nstolookatme.“
Doy
ouwantt
o
getoutofhere?
”Iask.
Shelooksatme,l
ikeshei
sthi
nkingreal
l
yhar
dand
tur
nst ol
ookatt
heboard,
conti
nuingwit
hher
pai
nting.

“
No,thi
sismyhome,
”shesay
sst
il
lfocusi
ngon
whatshei
sdoi
ng.

“Okaybuti fy ouev erchangey ourmind,thereisa

placewher eyoucangoandt heyarelovelypeople.
Yoursi sterknewt hem andt heylovedhersoIam
suret heyar egoingt oloveyoutoo,”Il
ookar oundf or
api eceofpaper ,Ifinditandusedt hepainttowr i
te
theaddr essdown.“ Iam goingawayf orawhi lesoI
willbehappyt oknowt hatyouaresafeandy ouare
l
ivingy ourbestlife.Youar etooyoungtobest uckin
thisplace–Iwi shy ouhadt imetoseet hewor ldand
bey ourownper son, nothavetotakemedi cat i
onor
hav epeopl efeari
ngy oubecauset heythinky ouare
crazy.Idon’
tthinkyouarecrazy,i
tisjustt
haty
ou
seelifeinadif
f er
entli
ghtandangle.Iknow
Inganathiwould’v
ebeenhappyt oseey ou,
”she
doesn'ttur
ntol ookatmeatal l
andIsi gh,
making
mywayt othedoor .

WhenIopenthedoor,
shelooksupbutwi
thablank
st
areandIhopethi
sisnotgoodby
e.Iwal
koutand
cl
osethedoorbehi
ndme.

•
•
•

Si
mbonga

Ihavebeentoallpoli
cestati
onstomakeitknown
thati
tisi
mportantforthem t
ofindNomagugu.That
womani sadangertot hesoci
etyandt
hecountryas
awhol e,whoknowswhatshei supt o.Iam not
wor ri
edaboutmy selfbutIam wor riedabout
everyonewhohav esufferedinherhandsandt hose
whoar egoi
ngtosuf fersincetheylethergo.They
saysheescapedbutshewoul dn'thav eescapedif
theywer ewatchingher .Thesepolicear eusel
ess,
theycan’tdoonet hingandt hatistheirjobbutthey
willbequicktoarrestthosewhot akel awint
otheir
ownhandsbecauset heyaredoingwhatt hepoli
ce
fail
edt odo.Iwishexecut i
onwasst il
llegal
,
Nomagugui sawast eofspaceandshedeser vesto
die!

Myphonehasbeenof fsincel astni

ghtbutnowI
switchiton.Itri
edget ti
ngahol dofMrObennebo
andhei snotar ound, hel eftthecount r
yj ustaf
ter
thefuner al
.Hi
swi fesay sitisabusi nesst ri
pbutI
doubti t
,hisdaughter'sdeat hhithim hardandhei s
selfi
shenought oleav ehi swi fetomour nonherown.
Idon’ tt
hinkheknowst hatNomagugui sout
becausei fheknewt henhe’ dbeher ealready,
helpingmet olookf ort hatdog–Ihat eherwi t
h
everyfibr
einmybodyandknowi ngsheisoutther
e
si
ppingoncocktail
sinsteadofbei
ngpunishedfor
hersinsmakesmybl oodboil.Myphoneisfl
ooded
bymessagesandmi ssedcal
ls,mostar
efrom
Zobuhlebutther
eisonemessaget hatatt
ract
smy
att
ention.

‘
IknowwhereNomagugui
s,r
eplyt
othi
snumber
andIwi
l
lsendyouanaddr
ess.
’I
tsays.

Iquickl
yr epl
ywi t
houtthinki
ngt wiceandanot her
messagecomesi nwiththeaddr ess.Ihavebeen
l
ivinginmycarf orthepastf iv
eday s,alway sonthe
roadsear chi
ngandmostofal ltryi
ngt oforgetabout
thepain.Ijustneedsomet hingtof ocusont hatwi l
l
numbt hepai nandal cohol i
sn’thelpi
ngbutl ooking
forNomagugui swhatkeepsmef uell
edupand
l
ookingf orwar dtothenextday ,tomakepr ogress
andev entuallyfi
ndher .ThisaddressiswhatI
needed,Iqui cklyputitinmyGPSandst artedthecar .
ImakeaU- turnandf ollowtheGPS.Thi sisaper fect
pl
aceforhertohi
de,Ihavenev erbeenther
ebefore
butIhavehear
dthatther
ear en’tmanypeoplewho
usual
lygother
esohidingtherei sl
i
kebeingofft
he
gri
d.

AsIam dr ivi
ng, amessagepopsi nandIt hink
whoev ersentmet hemessagei sf oll
owingupbuti t
i
sadi fferentnumberwi thaphot oofZobuhl eandi t
l
ooksl i
keshe’ sgoi ngsomewher e.Ar etheyaf terher
too?Thet extsay s,‘It
oldy out ol eav ethegame
beforeitcr i
pplesy ou,’i
tdoesn' tsaywher eorwho
sentthemessagebutIr emembert heper sonwho
saidthosewor dst omeandi t'sNomagugu!Ist epon
theaccel eratorandont hei ntersect ionther oboti s
greenbutwhenIam i nami ddle, at ruckcomesout
ofnowher eandwi thonebl inki thitsmycar ,andt he
carstartedr oll
ing.Onesecondi twasup, t henex tit
wasdown–i thappenedsof astandt henextIknew
myl ungswer ebur ningandIwasdr if
ti
ngi nandout
ofsleep.If oughtt heur getocl osemyey esbutIwas
l
osingandasecondl at
er ,
ev erythingwentdar k.
.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-Ei
ght

Zobuhl
e

Rightaf tercl osi ngmyshi ftIgotacal l

from Aunt
Nomsa, shesoundeddi stressandshesai dImust
comehome.Idon’ tknowwhybecauseIwasbanned
from set tingmyf oott herebutshei nsi
sted, sayi
ng
thati tisur gent .NowIam her e,agai n,standi ngin
frontoft hegat ei ndisguise.Icoul dn'treallyshow
myf acewhi lewal kingdownt hest r
eetsbecauset he
vill
ager swoul d’v esurelychasedmeaway .Iwalked
throught hegat eandheadedt ot hehouse.Thedoor
opensqui cklyaf terIknockl ikeshehasbeenwai ti
ng
formebutshedoesn' tl
ookgood–somet hingis
wr ong.Andf i
ndi ngherher emustmeant hatshe
agr eedt omar ryt hatmanwhoki lledmymot her,she
bet rayedhersi st erjustforthef ami lycust omsbut
whatam Isay ingbecausenowt hingshav echanged
–bl oodisnol ongert hickerthanwat er–y oucan
trustast r
angerbutnotoneofy ourown.
“
Whathappened?
”Ihav
en'taskedhowshei
s,whatI
wantt
oknowiswhyam Ihere.

“He..
.”shei
sstruggli
ngtotal
knowandherey esare
wateringwi
theachpassingsecond,whatcoul
dbe
sobad?“ Hei
sint hebedroom,
”shepointsdownthe
passageandwal kspastmesurelywanti
ngmet o
fol
lowbehindher.

Wewal ktothebedr oom wi t

hherkeepi nggl anci ng
atmeandIf eeluncomf ort
ableforsomer eason.
Thishousef eel scoldandempt y.Itisnol onger
war m norahome, itisjustwal l
swi tharoof .Ev en
theexpensiv efurnit
ur eIsawwhenIcamef ormy
mot her'sf
uner aldoesn’tglit
terany more,itislike
theywer ehitbyaheav ystorm orlight
ningandal li
ts
valuev ani
shedi nstantly.Iwouldn'tbuyitev eni fthey
solditnexttonot hing.Idon’ tknowhowAunt
Nomsasur vivedint hisplacelivi
ngwi t
ht hatmonst er.
Sheopenst hedoorf ormeandIl ookather , Iam not
goingintherefi
rst–whoknowswhati sbehi
ndthat
door.Shegivesmeaf aintsmil
ethati
stooweak,i
t
doesn'tevenreachhereyesandshestepsi
nsi
dethe
room.

Ifol
l
owbehi ndherandaverybadsmellhit
smy
nostr
il
s,sendi
ngbacktotheopendoor.Ihaven'
t
seenanythi
ngbutIdon’
tthi
nkIwishtorightnow.

“Whatthehelli
sthat
?”Iaskher,sheisstandi
ngin
ther
oom likeshedoesn'tsmel
lanyofthatstuf
f,i
tis
sobaditisli
kesomethingdiedi
nt her
e.Iwantto
vomitbutmybodywon’ tall
owme.

“ComeZobuhl e,
”sheiswav i
ngformetocome
closer
.Idon’tt
hinkIhav
et hest
rengt
hbutIhave
comeal lt
hiswaysoIhav etodowhatshecall
edme
herefor.
Iwalkinagai
nwi
thmyt-
shi
rtpul
l
eduptomynose,
coveri
ngbothmymout
handnose.It
urnont
hebed
andt hereheis.Thereisnothi
ngl eftofhim buthi
s
skeletonevenhisskinlookstoot hinwithjusta
scratchIcangett hewholethingof fhisbody.Idon’
t
thi
nkt hereisanymeatl ef
tinthere,it
’sjustwater
andbl ood–ohdon’ tforgetai
r.Butwher eist
hat
smel lcomingfrom?AuntNomsawant stoleavebut
Idon’tall
owhert o,sheneedst oexplaint omewhat
happenedher eandwhyhei slikethat.

“Iwokeuponemor ningandIcoul dn' tfi

ndhi m
aroundt hehouse.Wedon’ tsl
eepi nt hesamebed
soIwasn' tev ensurei fhesl eptathomet heni ght
before.ButwhenIwal kedi ntot hegar age, Ifound
him ont hefloorbutt hatwasaf t erahor r
iblesmel l
greetedmef ir
st,Ialsot houghthewasdeadbuti t
wast oosoonf orhimt odecomposesoIwentov er
tohim andhewasgoodasdeadbutst i
llbreathing.
Wewentt ot hehospi tal,t
heydi dn’ tfindany thi
ng
wrongwi t
hhi m,thet radit
ional heal erdidn'tsee
anythingeitherbutonet hingf orsur eisthathei s
payingforhi ssinsandt hatisal lwegotf rom the
healer.Theycoul dn'
tkeephi mi nt hehospi talwhen
therewasnothingtohel phim withsohehasbeen
hereandit'
snotlookinggoodZobuhl e.EachdayI
wakeupt hi
nkingmay beIwil
lfindhim deadbuthe’
d
bealiv
e,hebreathsbutdoesn’ ttal
k–t helastt
ime
hespokewast henightbeforeIfoundhim onthe
garagefl
oor,
”shei nformsme.

Thest or
ysoundssogood, Icouldmakeamov i
eout
ofitandgetpai drealhar dmoney .Hel ooksreall
y
badbutIdon’ tfeelanythingabouti t
,thismanmade
myl i
femi ser
able,hetookawayev er
y t
hingIhave
everknown–myhome!Idon’ tknowwhatt osayor
thi
nkbuthedeser vesthisandhei spay i
ngagood
pri
ce.Whosai dGoddoesn’ trepentf orhispeople?
Hei sdoingalotr i
ghtnowandIcoul dn'tbehappier
.I
knowi ti
sbadt owi shanot herpersonbadbutIwi sh
forhimtodi eli
keadoghei s.Ifi
tismyf or
giv
eness
thatheiswai t
ingforbef orehedi est henhewi llwai
t
l
ikeweal lhavebeenwai tingf orJesus, sonofMar i
a
andJoseph, tocomeback.Iam notgi vinghim shit
!
“
Zobuhle?”AuntNomsacal lsf
ormeasImakemy
wayoutandIdon’ttur
nt olookatherunt
ilwearein
t
hekitchen,
awayfrom thathorr
ibl
esmell.“
Youhav e
t
oforgivehi
m,”shetel
lsmeandIchuckl ebit
ter
ly.

“Iwil
lnot,notnow,notever!Doy ouknowwhathe
didwhenweneededhi mt hemost ,y
ouknowwhat
he’ddotomymot herbehindcl oseddoorsev er
y
singl
enight,thewayhe’dpretendt hathelovesus
whenpeopl earewatchi
ng, thewayhedi dn’tthi
nk
twicebeforechasi
ngmeoutl ikeadogi nmyown
home–doy ouknowAuntNomsa?Doy ou?”

Idon’twantt ocry,
thatist helastt
hingIwantt odo
ri
ghtnowandt hatmandoesn’ tdeservemyt ears,he
i
snot hingtomebutIsur ewanthi mt osuffer
.Iknow
hei shurti
ngwhilelookingl i
kethatbuttheemot ional
painhei nfl
i
ctedonmei smuchmor ethanwhathei s
feeli
ngr i
ghtnow.Coul dn'thejustdi
e?Di ebeforehe
kil
ledmymot her–whydi dGodhav et olethi
m get
awaywi t
hit?Evennow, layingonthatbedhei sst i
ll
makingmyl ifeal i
vinghell
,whyi sheforcingme,
putti
ngmei nt hispositi
oninordertogetmy
forgi
veness?Hewasnev erkindandr i
ghtnowi t
showst hathei snotwi l
l
ingtochange.Ift her
eis
after
li
fethenIf eelsorr
yforany oneont hatsi
debutI
am notwor r
iedaboutmymot herbecauseIknow
thatmyf at
herwi ll
bet heretoprotecther.

“
Iknow.
”

“No,youdon’t
.Youar ej
ustbutt
eringmeupsoI ’
d
for
givehi
m andy ou’dbefreef
rom cleani
ngafter
him –Iam notdoingthi
stopunishy ouAuntbutI
am notgoingtoforgi
vethatman,”Isaypoint
ingto
thedir
ect
ionofthebedroom wej ustcameoutof .

“HeisgoodasdeadZobuhl e,
youknowt hatyou
forgi
vinghim wil
lsethi
mf r
eebuti twil
lalsosetyou
freemybaby ,
”shesay ssweetl
y,Iwanttobel i
eveher
Ireal
lydobuti ti
shardtoeventhinkaboutit.I
tfeel
s
l
ikeforgiv
inghim wil
lmakemev ulner
ableforhimto
cont
inuet
ohurtme.Hewill
bet
aki
ngapar
tofme,
agai
nandIdon’twantt
hat
.

“
Heisnotwor
thmyforgi
veness,
”Ishakemyhead
whi
l
etaki
ngasitont
hechairnextt
othecount
er.

“Butyouareworthofpeace, aren’
tyout i
redofal l
thi
sangeryouhav ebur i
edinsi
dey ourheart,allt
he
heart
acheandpai n?”sheaskssi t
ti
ngrightnextt o
me.“Icanseeitiny oureyesZobuhle,youhav et oo
muchgoingoni nsideyouandy ouneedt oletitgo.
Forgi
veyoursel
f,f
or gi
vey ourmother,yourfather
andhim.”ShetakesmyhandandIt urntolookather .

“
Iam notr
eady
.”

“Takey
ourtime, Iam heref
oryouandt hi
sisyour
homewherey ourmot herandfatherar
e.Andno
mancanev ertakeitawayfrom you,hetr
iedbutsee
whereyouarenow–y oudeser
vet obehere
Zobuhl
e.”

Looki
ngathermakesmer
eal
i
sej
usthowmuchI
missmymot her
.

•
•
•

Abenat
hi

Hernewhomel ooksmuchbet tert

hant heclinicshe
wasinbutt hetreatmentisnotasni ce.Intheclini
c
shegotwhatshewant ed,whenshewant editbut
heretheyaretreati
ngherl i
keapatientandnota
humanbei ng.Shet akesmor emedicationthanshe
everdidinherlifeandspendsmor et i
measl eept han
awake.Shedoesn' tevengett i
metodoheract ivit
ies
–thepainting,sewing–i tgetsbet
terwhensheget s
herhandsi ntoscientif
icexperi
ment sthoughshe
doesn'tgettodoi tmuchsi nceshei sst i
l
llabel
led
the‘unstabl
ecr eature’t
hatpeopl ebeli
evecan’tdo
any t
hingtangiblethantalki
ngandact i
ngcrazy.She
l
ov essciencebecausei tmakesheruseherbr aina
l
ot, t
hatwayshecankeept hev oicesawaybutwi t
h
noopt iontogetcl osetoanysci enti
fi
cexperiments,
sewingandpai nti
ngkeepsherbusy .

Sher eachesforthepi eceofpapert hatZobuhl e

gaveherandl ooksatt hewor dswr i
ttent here.She
droppedoutofschool onthe9t hgr adeandt hatis
whereherauntl ostit,shewasar ebel l
i
ouschi l
dso
shewasgoi ngt obet reatedassuchandshegota
fewspanksandal otofshout ingwhi chheraunt
beli
ev edshedeserv ed.Herpar ent ssenthert oher
auntbecauseshecoul dsetthei rdaught erstr ai
ght
andwhenshei sdoneAbenat hi couldcomeback
homebutshedi dn’tneedf ixi
ngbecauseshewasn’ t
broken.Thewor dsmadesensebutwher etof rom
hereandhowwoul dshegett ot headdr ess?The
fl
iesar ehavi
ngaf eastonherf oodt hatisl ai
dona
t
raywhi
chsheknowsasbeenl
acedwi
thmor
e
medi
cat
ion.

Thewal ktot hebat hroom feelsli

keadayandahal f
,
themedi cati
onf rom y ester
dayhasn’twor eof f
compl etel
ybutshebr acesher sel
fandt ri
est owal k
andlooknor mal .Ithappensr arel
ywher eshe’ dbe
actli
keanor mal person, i
tcouldbeonone
parti
cularweekonceay earandafterthatt hevoices
willt
akeov erway a-way a.Inthebathroom, shelooks
atherselfinthemi r
rorandherhai risallov erher
face.Sher eachesf oritandpushesi ttot heback,
reveal
ingmor eofhercar amelsmoot hski nwhich
l
ookscl eanf orsomeonewhohasn’ twashedher
facesince...
shecan’ trememberwhenwast helast
ti
meshewashedherf ace.Itcoul
d’vebeenami nute
ago,aweekagoort woy earsagobuti tdoesn’ t
mat t
er.

Shest
il
lremember
showt opl
aitsoshepl
ait
sone
si
ngl
eknotbehi
ndherhead,
therei
safewstrandsof
hairthati
sst i
llonherf acebutmostofherf aceis
visi
blenowwhi chmakesherl ookdi ff
erentandmor e
sane.Shedr opsherey est oherf eetandt hesocks
l
ookdi rt
yasal waysbutshecan’ tremov et hem, she
doesn'tknowwhybutshej ustcan' t
.Shemakesher
wayoutandt hepatientsar escatteredallov erthe
place,al
lofthem lookol dandshei sthey oungest–
theonewhoi ssaidshedoesn’ tbelongher ebuther
brainsaysother wi
se.Thef rontdoori sopenand
thereisnonur seonsi ght.Shewal kst owardsi tand
anur seappearsbuthedoesn' tseem t orecogni se
her.Shehasspentmostofhert i
mei nherr oom so
i
t’dbenodoubti ft
henur sedoesn’tev enknowher .

Thesecuri
tyguardiswhi stl
ingwhi lepacingupand
down,assheappr oachest hedoorhesmi l
esinher
dir
ecti
onandcont i
nueswhi st
li
ngandmi ndinghis
ownbusiness.Thepat i
entscanmaket heirwayto
theparkbutnottothegat e.Thati sforbi
ddenbut
shemakesherwayt herewhi l
el ookingoverher
shoul
ders.Iti
sasur pr
isetohert hatshehasmadei t
thi
sfarwithnooneseei ngher ,atthegatet her
e’s
anot
hersecuri
tyguar
dwhoi sbusyreadi
nga
newspaperandshewalkstothegatewit
hout
l
ookingathi
m butthegatei
slocked.

“CanIhelpyouma’ am?”heasks,squint
inghisey
es
ashelooksuptot hewomani nfr
ontofhim –when
didshegetinbecausehedi dn’
tall
owany onewho
l
ookslikehersi
ncehi sshi
ftstar
ted?

“Yes,
opent hegate.
”Iti
sabitofastruggl
etoget
thewor dsoutwi
thoutpausi
nginbetweensoshe
keepswhatshewant stosayshortandstr
aightt
o
thepoint.

Thesecuri
tyguar
dclosesthenewspaperandstands
up.Hewalkstowardsherandsays,
“Idi
dn’tseeyou
walki
ngin,
whyarey ouhere?
”

“
Mydog..
.cat
..
.”shesaystr
yingt
ofigureoutali
eto
t
ell
buti
tisnoteasy.I
tisbet
terwhenitisthev
oices
l
yingtoherandnottheotherwayar ound.The
securi
tyguardi
sconfused,thi
sisnotSPCAsowhy
wouldshebeher ef
orherdogandcat ?Butshe
l
ooksbet t
ertobeoneoft hepatient
s,shemusthav
e
comei nduri
ngthemorningshiftwhil
etherewashi
s
coll
eaguehere.

“TheSPCAi sinSpr
ingfi
eldpark,
Idon’tknowwhere
exact
lybutIam sureyouwillf
indit
,”theguar
dsays
whil
ewalkingtothegatetounlockit.“Hav
eyour
sel
f
agoodday .”

Shelooksatt hemanandt heopengat e–t hi

sisit
butwhyi sitsoeasy?Shewal ksoutwi t
houtsaying
anotherwor dandwhenshei safewfeetawayt he
guardnoticesthatsheisnotwear i
ngshoesbuti s
rat
herwear ingsocksonly.Heshakeshi sheadwhile
mumbl i
ngt ohimselfashel ocksthegate–any one
whoent ersthatbuil
dingsurel
ycomesoutwi thafew
screwsloose.Shewal kstothemai nroad,not
knowingwhi chwayt ogo–nor t
horsout h?They
bothlookt
hesamebutshehast ogett
otheaddr ess
andtheothersi
deoft heroadl ooksmuchbet t
erto
walkonsoshecr ossesther oad.Acarhootsloud,
deafeni
ngherearsandshecomest oahaltwhile
hol
dingontoherearsblockingt hehowl
ingloud
soundfrom r
eachinghereardrums.

Thedrivergetsoutoft hecar
,worr
iedthatshemi ght
behurtevent houghthecardidn’
teventouchher.
Thepassengeri scurioussoshealsostepsoutof
thecar,l
eavingay oungboyinthebackseat.Asthey
approachAbenat hi
,theycanseethatsheisshaking
andprobablycrying.

“Ar
ey ouhur
t?”t
hedr
iverasksandAbenat
hishakes
herhead.

“Areyousure?”t
hepassengerasks,
whil
etil
ti
ngher
headtothesideinordert
ogetabetterv
iewofthe
gir
l'
sface.Abenat
hinods.
“Let
'sgetbackinthecar,
west i
llhavetogettothe
hospit
al,”t
hedri
versayswhil
eturningtowalkback
tothecarbutthepassengerwalkstotheopposite
dir
ecti
onandwhensheseesAbenat hi
’
sface,her
chestclosesi
nasherbodyget stheshockofherlife.

“
Baba!
”shecal
l
soutwi
thherhandsov
erherhead.

Thedr iverisabi tannoy edbutt ur

nsback, whati s
takinghersol ongandwhydoesshel ookliket hat,
l
ikeshehasj ustseenaghost ?Hehur ri
est oher ,he
want st opusht hegi r
loutoft heroadsot heycan
cont i
nuewi ththeirjourneybutheal soget st he
shockofhi sli
fe–i tcan’ tbe.Abenathilower sher
armsl ikeshewast oldt oandshehugsherbody , t
he
pieceofpapert hatwasi nherhandf all
sdownt othe
ground.Theboyi nthebackseatshi ft
st ositont he
edgeoft heseat ,t
heyhav ebeenheref oral ongt ime
andt hecar sarehoot ingf orthem t
omov esowhat
couldbesoi mpor tantthatbot hhisgrandpar ents
hadtogetoutoft hecar?Thepassengerbendsto
takethepieceofpaperandreadswhatiswritt
en
ther
e,shockwashesov erheragai
nandshegi ves
themant oreadaswel l
.

“
Wher
edi
dyougett
his?
”thedr
iverasks.

Abenat
hiisslowlydrif
tingbacktobei
ngher
self
,the
voi
cesareslowlycomi ngbackandsheisshi
veri
ng
whil
etr
yingtocollectherthought
s.

“
Zo-Zobuhl
e,
”shefi
nal
l
ysaysandt
hemanand
womanlookateachot
her
.

•
•
•
Nomagugu

Shehasj ustreceivedaphonecal lf
rom hi scontact
toupdat ehert hatthejobhasbeendoneandt he
targetisinhospi t
al.Thingsar enotlookinggoodf or
him soi tisaj obwel ldone.Shei sbusysi ppi ngon
herwhi skeywhi l
egi vi
ngher selfapatont heback.
Thingsar egoi ngwel landi tistimetomov etothe
nextst ep.Shewant st obet heonet ofinishhi m off
,
shewant stobet helastt hi
ngheseeswhenhet akes
hislastbr eatheandsendhi mt ohell
.Aftert hatshe
willbuyher selfat i
ckett oani sl
andwher enoone
willeverfindher ,shehasenoughmoneyt osur vi
ve
andt herear epeopl ewhost i
llowehersoshehas
mor ethanenough.

Thedooropensandshenear
lyspi
l
lsherdr
inkatt
he
si
ghtofthemanwhoappearsbehi
ndthedoor.He
doesn'
tl
ookhappyandwhydoeshehavea...

“
Whatdi
dIt
ell
youNomagugu?Di
dn’
tIt
ell
yout
hatI
don’twanthim dead?!”heroarsandshef indsher
feet
.Sheknowshowcr azyhecangetwhenhei s
angry,hesuredoeslookhi ghandhi m havi
ngagun
i
nhi shandmakesmat t
ersworse.It'
dtake
Nomagugual ongcalculat
edst epforhertoreach
forherowngun–shehast oshoothimf i
rstbefor
e
heshoot sher.

“Youaretoosoftonthatboy,heneedst
obetaught
alesson–noonemesseswi thmeandlivest
ot el
l
thetal
e.Hewill
dieandIwi l
lbetheonetodoit
!”she
shootsback.

“Overmydeadbody ,Istil
lwanttoseehim suf
fer
andy ouhavemessedwi ththewrongperson
Nomaguguf orwhaty oudid.Don’ty
ouunderstand
howhi m bei
ngaliv
ei svaluablet
ome? ”hesounds
l
ikehei sabouttobreakdown–i shelosi
nghismind
too,whocr i
esoveranot herman,amant hathe
hates?
“Don'
tbecr azyman, j
ustki
llt
hebastardandwec–”
shedoesn’tfinishwhatshewantedtosayasthe
manraisest hegunandpoi nt
stoher.Hecan’
tbe
thi
nki
ngofki ll
ingher,noheisbl
uff
ing.Theymakea
goodteam andheneedsher .

“Fi
rstofal
lIam notcrazy
,secondl
yIthoughtyou’
re
themanIneededonmysi debutIcanseethatthe
faminehormonesaregoingtoyourheadandIwi l
l
tel
lyounow–y ouar enousetomer i
ghtnow,”he
saysandcockst hegun,i
tdawnsonNomagugut hat
shithashi
tthefan.

“
NoEnz–”

Bang!

Thebloodandhumanbr ai
npiecespainttheplai
n
whit
epaintedwallopposit
ehim.Helower sthegun
andreachesfort
hewhi skeyonthetable.“Cheer
s,”
hesaysbeforethr
owingthecontenti
nhi
smouth.
Thi
sishisgameandhewi l
lbetheonewhosays
whoneedst opart
ici
pat
eandwhoneedst obe
el
iminat
ed.
Ut
hando:
Thi
rt
y-Ni
ne

Abenat
hi

Thewomanandmanshemetl eftheri nthecar

whilet heywenti nsidet hehospital andi ttookt hem
anhour ,24mi nutesand38secondst ocomeback.
Herst omachhasbeengr owl i
ngsi nceshesatt here,
shedi dn’ thavebr eakfastandshel ef
therl uncht obe
eatenbyt hefli
es.Thenur sesint hef acil
itymust
havenot icedt hatshei sgonenowandt heyhav e
sentasear chpar tytolookf orher .Thehospi tali
s
notv eryf arfrom thef acil
itysoitwon’ ttaket hem
l
ongt ogetwher eshei sbutt hi
ngswor kinher
favourbecausewhent hepeopl eshei swi thcome
backandt heydi dn’twastet i
me–t hecari sont he
roadwi thinseconds.Thesmal lboyi ssi tt
ingnex tt
o
her,hei snoty oungbutshest i
ll
cr awl stosi tfar
awayf rom him –shei snotmuchofaf anof
chil
dr enandbei ngar oundonef reaksherout .
Thecarpar ksinf rontofahouseandAbenat hiwas
expect i
ngalongdr i
ve, shewashopi ngt hatshe’dbe
farawayf r
om t hatplacel iketheaddressont hat
pieceofpaperhadsai dsowhyi sshest il
lhere?The
womanhel pshergetoutoft hecarsinceshest ay
ed
i
nsideev enwhenshesawt hatevery
onehas
steppedoutoft hecar .Thewomanpul lshertothe
doorandt hesmal lboyhasbeenst ealingglancesat
thewomanwhol ooksexact l
yli
kehisf ather
’sdead
girl
fr
iend.Hehaswat chedmanymov iesbutt hi
sis
thelastthi
ngheexpect edt ohappeninhi sli
fe–t he
womanhasn’ tsai dawor dtohim andt hatmakes
herev enmorecr eepybuthi sgrandpar entsare
maki ngitl
ooklikei ti
sanor mal thi
ngt ohav ea
ghostamongstt hem.

Theyallwalkinsi
dethehouse, theirsoni snotawake
yetbutwhenhev i
sit
edhet oldhispar entswherehe
l
ived.Whati shi
sishisparents’sot hat’
swhyt hey
havethekeyt othehouse.Abenat hisitsonthe
couchatt hewoman’ si
nstructi
on,theboyi sscared
tositnexttoherasmuchasshei sscar edforhi
mt o
becloset oher.Insteadofsitt
ingdownt heboyr uns
upstairstolookforar oom tomar kashi sbeforehis
grandmadi ctatesforhim.Thewomanandmanl ook
ateachot her,noneoft hem knowhowt oappr oach
thesituati
on–shewasdeadsowhati sshedoi ng
herelookingwel landalivebutdisor
iented–t hey
couldcallZobuhlebutt heydon’thavehernumberso
theyhav etodeal withthesit
uati
ont hemselves.

“Howar eyouchil
d? ”thewomanasks, walking
towardsherbutAbenat hidoesn’
tanswer.Ify ouar
e
notinfrontofher
,lookingint
ohereyesshewoul dn'
t
knowi fyou’
respeakingtoherornot.Thewoman
walksaroundandl ooksatherthenrepeatst he
questi
on.

“I
’m hungry,
”shesay s,
looki
ngatt
hewomani nfr
ont
ofher.It'
sli
kethereissomethi
ngi
nherstomach
eatingupherintest
inesandshedoesn’
tli
kehowshe
i
sf eeli
ng.
“Iwil
lmakey ousomet hi
ngtoeat.Doy oumi nd
tel
li
ngmey ourname? ”thewoman' sapproachis
verysof
tandwar m, i
tmakesherr elaxandfeelsaf
e
aroundthesepeopl eshedoesn'tknow.Shel ooks
aroundandmeet stheeyesofthemanst andingover
them,shequi ckl
ylooksawayandl ooksatthe
womani nfrontofher .

“
Abenat
hi.
”

Thewomannods,
“yoursur
name?
”

Abenathi t
hinksf orawhi le,thi
nkingr eal
lyhardabout
whatshewi l
l saybutnot hingpopsi nsideherhead.
ShehasbeenAbenat hi
wi thMrFuzzyWuzzynextt o
her.
..
thinki
ngofMrFuzzyWuzzy–wher eishe?She
fi
ndsherf eetr eall
yfast,l
osi ngthebearmeans
l
osinghermemor i
es.Sheneedst hebearwi thherso
i
t’dhelpherr emembermay beitwillhelpher
rememberhersur namebutwi thitnother esheis
j
ustAbenat hi, wit
hnopast ,nosisterandnoi denti
ty.
“Whatiswr ongnow? ”thewomanasksatt hesi
ght
ofthegirl
'
sf ace.Didshesaysomet hi
ngwrongby
askinghersur name,shehastoknowwhoshei sin
ordertoconnectt hedots–shelooksexactl
yli
ke
thepersont heyknowisdeadsot heyneedanswers
butnowshel ooksindist
ress.

“Gethersomethi
ngtoeatmkamimay
bet
hatwi
l
l
calm herdown,
”themansays.

Thewomanwal ksaway ,headingtot heki t

chen.
Abenathiiscryinghy st
er i
callynow, whatwi l
lshebe
withoutherbear–sheneedst of i
nditev enifit
meansgoi ngbackt othatpl acethensobei t.The
manwal kst ositont hecouchandswi tchest hetv
on.Abenathi mov estot heot hersideoft heroom –
shedoesn’tlikethenoi seitismaki ng,itmakesher
headabi tfuzzyev enwhenshecan’ tthinkonher
ownshehat eshav ingal otofthingshappeni ng
aroundherandshel i
kesqui etspaces.Thewoman
comesbackwi thasandwi chandhandsi tto
Abenathi
.Shetakesitandsinkstothefl
oor,wi
thout
awor dtothewomanshest artseatingl
i
keshehad
beenstuckinsomedungeonandt heydeni
edher
food.Withi
nexactl
yfourminutes,shewasdone,she
l
ookedupt othewomanandsai dthankyou.

“
Doy
ouwantmor
e?”sheasks.

“NoIwouldl
i
ketosleep,t
henaglassofwaterwhen
Iwakeup–Idon’
treall
yli
keitwhenpeopl
ewake
meupf r
om mysl
eepandt hatt
hingi
smakingalot
ofnoi
se,
”shepoi
ntstothetv.

“Iam surefr
om upst air
sy ouwon’ thearasound, si
t
upandl etmef i
ndy ouar oom soy oucansleep.”
Thewomani stoosweet ,
thereissomet hingabout
herthatremindsAbenat hi ofhersister
,yeahshe
remindsherofhersi sterandnotherownmot her.
Hermot herwasn’tcloset oherbecauseherf ather
toldhernotto,shewasn' ttheirchil
dbecauseshe
wasn'tsaneenought obebutt hiswomandoesn’ t
ev
enknowherandshef
eel
scomf
ort
abl
ear
oundher
.

Thebedr oom isplai

nwhi t
e,t
hesameast heoneshe
spentsev enyearsinint
hatcli
nicandshel ovesit
alr
eady.Shecr awlsontopofthebedandl ay
sont he
bedfacingupwi thherhandslaidonherchest .
Withi
nami nuteofclosi
ngherey es,shewasal ready
snori
ngsof tl
y.Thewomancl osedt hedoorandwent
downstairs.Shehast otal
ktoherhusbandabout
thi
sandf indawayf orwardbeforetheirsonwakes
upinthathospi t
albed.

“Shesleepsl
ikeshei
slay
ingi
nacoff
inbaba,i
tis
scary
,”thewomansaysassheset
tl
esnexttoher
husband.

“
Whoisshe?I
nganat
hiisdeadandwewer
ether
e
whent
heybur
iedher
.”

“
Iknow,
ther
eismor
etot
hist
hani
tmeet
stheey
e,
wor
seshelooksdi
stur
bedmay bei
tisI
nganat
hiand
t
heymessedupwithherhead.
”

“Idoubtit,whycal
lherselfAbenathii
fitisher?I
thoughtaboutit–thet wonamessoundsi milar
,
InganathiandAbenathi,myguessi sthattheyare
actuall
yt wi
ns,
”themansay ssoundingreall
y
convincing.

“Butthenwhynooneev ersai
danythi
ngabout
Inganathihav
ingatwinsi
ster
?Si
mbongaalsodidn’
t
sayany thi
ngsothatmeanshedoesn’
tknow,”i
tal
l
makessensenow.

“I
tisamessedupsit
uati
onbutwhatarewegoingto
doabouther,
shesur
elyescapedf
rom t
hehospit
al
andwehav etot
akeherback.
”

“
Nowecan’t
,ngi
yalababa,shewouldn'
thav
elef
t
t
hatpl
acei
fshel
ikedbeingther
e,”t
hewoman
ar
guesandt
hemant
urnst
olookather
.

“Haveyoueverl
iv
edwithament al
lyunstableperson?
Thosepeoplear
eunpredi
ctabl
e,shemi ghtwakeup
anddecidet
hatshewantstokil
lallofusandwe
haveachil
dinthehouse;
don’tsayIdidn’twarn
you.
”

Thewomansuckshert eet
h,steal
i
ngagl anceather
husband,“
Iwil
lhandl
ei t–leavehertome. ”Ther
eis
nowayshewi ll
takethatgir
lback,shelooks
tr
oubledbutshedoesn'tneedahospital,
sheneeds
tobeunderst
ood.

•
•
•
Zobuhl
e

Ifeel apresenceofsomeonei nmyr oom soIopen

myey esandshei sher e,“ma,”Isaysi t
ti
ngupr i
ght
andshewal ksclosert ome.Ther oom isdarkbutI
canseehercl earlikeshei sthel i
ghtandshei s
smi l
ingwhi chmeanst hatshei satpeace.Her
presencei sov er
whel mi ngandIf eelmy selfal
ready
tearingup.“ Zozo,”Ihearhi svoicecomi ngf r
om
behindmymot herandhei sher etoo.Ihav emy
parent sbot hinoner oom, Godknowsj usthowmuch
Imi ssedt hem andIwantt hem t ostay,staywithme
andnev erleavemeev eragain.Theyappeart obe
closet ome, Isti
llcan’tbeliev
emyey esandIwantt o
crymor e.“You'rereallyhere?”Iwantt otouchthem
butIcan’ treacht ot hem.

“Weareher e,
wehavealway sbeenherebutyou
weren’
t.”Shemakesitsoundlikei
tismyf aul
twhen
sheconspiredwi
thhersecondhusbandt ogetme
outofthehouseandshedi dn’
tbothert
ogoout
thereandl ookf orme.Shemov edonl i
keshenev er
caredaboutme.Babai sbet rayingmef orforgiv
ing
her,heshoul d'
vepuni shedheral i
tt
lewhilelonger–
whochoosesaman’ ssideov erherownchi l
d?“ You
knowwhyIwasn’ thome, youbot hl ef
tmewi ththose
peopleandwhodi dy outhinkwoul dprotectme. ”I
sayget t
ingupset ,Iam veryangr yatbothoft hem.
“Youar estrongerthany out hinkZozoandy ou
weren'talonelikey ourmot herhadsai dwehav e
beenher eallthet i
me.We' rewat chingovery ou,
everythi
ngt hathappenedwasmeantt ohappenf or
yout oreali
sey ourstrength.”

“Iam sor ryforwhatIdi dt oyoumybaby ,Iwas

wrongandIknowi t–pl easeforgiveme,”sheis
cryingandmyf atheriscomf orti
ngher.“Ihave
forgiveny ou.”Isay.“Butnotwhol eheart
edly,”t
he
manIcal lmyf athersay smucht omyf r
ustrati
onand
Isighdeepl y.“Iforgiv
ey ou,Ireall
ydoImeant her
eis
nopoi ntofholdingont owhathappenedi nthepast
agai nstyou.Youar einabetterplaceandIhav eto
mov eon,”IsayandImeani t.“Youalsoneedt o
for
giv eBheki,
”myf athersaysandIl ookaway .I
don’twantt otal
kaboutt hatmanwi thament i
onof
mef orgivi
nghim, allIwantt oknowi showhewi llbe
punishedont heot hersidethat’
si fhewi l
l getthere
becausehei snotgoi nganywher ebecauseIam not
for
giv i
nghim anyt i
mesoon.“ Youhav etof or
give
him soy oubeablet omov eon,don’ tpunishy oursel
f
honey ,heisnotwor t
hit.All
owy ourhear ttoforgive,I
wil
lresteasilyknowi ngwel lt
haty ouar ehappyand
wellinsideandout .
”

“Idon’tthinkIcan, ”Isay .“Iknowy oucan, makeus

proudandy oursel
fpr oudbybr eaki ngt hechai nst hat
ti
ey out othatman, ”hesay slooki ngatmewi tha
l
ookt hatmakesmef eelguilt
y .“For givenesswi l
lheal
youandy ouwi l
lbei nabet t
erpl ace, ”sher eaches
outformeandIswearIf el
thert ouchmewi t
hout
heract uall
yt ouchingme.“ You' r
eourt reasur e,oldas
youarey ouwi llal
way sbeourl i
ttlegi r
l andwewi ll
watchov ery ou,neverf orgetusZozo, ”Icanf eel i
t
thathei ssay i
nggoodby ebutIdon’ twantt hem t o
l
eav ejusty et.Iwantust ot al
kaboutsomet hingelse
besi
desforgi
venessandthatmonst
er.Iwanttot
alk
aboutus.“
Ma!”Icall
out,
“Dad?”–theyaregone.

•
•
•

Si
mbonga

Youknowwheny ouar einabaddr eam andy oufeel

l
ikesomet hi
ngispull
ingy oudown?Wel lthatis
exactl
yhowIam f eel
ingandi ti
shar dtogetoutof
thesmal l
boxmybodyseemst obest ucki n.Ifl
ip
myey esopen,t
her oom i sdark,Iblinkrapi dl
y–am I
i
nhell?Theysaidthatplacei sdarkandnowIam i n
adarkroom sonoonecanbl amemypar anoia.
Thereissomeonewal kingt owardsme, i
tisal l
happeninginsl
owmot i
onandIam st i
ll
try i
ngto
makeupmymi ndast owhati sgoi ngonher e.Next
thi
ngthereisadoctorst andingov erme, askingme
mynameandIsayt
hef
ir
stt
hingt
hatcomest
omi
nd.

“Howl
onghav
eIbeenher
e?”Iaskwhenmyhead
hascl
ear
edabit
.

“Youhavebeenheref oraweekandthr
eedays,and
tobehonestwithyouIwantedyoutostayincoma
forabitl
ongerbuthereyouarewideawake,
”the
doctorsay
sbuthel ookshappyt
handisappoi
nted.

“Hi
svit
alsl
ookgooddoct
or,
”thenur
sesay
sandt
he
doct
ornods.

Whi l
et henurseisbusywr iti
ngsomet hingonf il
e,t
he
doctormov est ostandbymyf eetandl ooksatme.
“Youwer einav erybadacci dentanditisbyl uckthat
youdi dn’
tsufferanybr ai
ndamage, li
keIsai dy ou
needt obeincomabutIam happywi thyour
progressthought hereissomet hi
ngel se,
”hesay s
fl
ippingoffthesheett hatiscoveri
ngmyl owerbody ,
“aner vewasdi st
urbedduri
ngthecrushso. .
.”he
pausesf orasecondl ooki
ngatmyf acef ora
reacti
onbutIdon’ tgivehi
m none.“.
..
itisconfi
rmed
MrMasukut hatyouhaveaparaly
sis,youdidn’tfeel
anythingwhenIt ouchedyourfeet,
”hesay sraisesa
ment althatIdon'
tknowi t
’sname.

“What.
..
”Itrymovingmyfeett
hinkingheismessing
wit
hmebutIcan’ tmovethem evenmyt oes.I
tis
l
ikeIam looki
ngatsomeoneelse'sfeet
.Thiscan’
t
behappening,noi
tcan’
t.

“Thesituat
ioncoul
dbetemporar ysirbuttimewi l
l
tel
l.YoulookgoodsoIwill
bedi schargingy ousoon,
puty ouonawheelchai
randoncey ouhav ef ul
l
y
healedwecanst ar
tonphysiot
her apy.
”

Het urnstot henurseandIam busylooki

ngatmy
feet.Withoutmyf eet,Iam not
hingandIremember
Nomagugu’ swordsv erycl
ear–“ l
eavet
hegame
beforeitcri
pplesy ou”shewasr i
ghtandshehas
wononceagai
n.

•••

Mypar entscamet opi ckmeupt hreeday saf terI

hadwokenupandIwashappyt obegoi nghomebut
theywerewei rdf orsomer eason.Mymot herseta
room formedownst airsandt hatiswher eIam
sleepi
ng.Myf i
rstnapathomenev erfel
tsogood,
thehospitalbedwasl esscomf ydespiteofhow
muchIpai df orcomf or t.WhenIopenmyey esaf t
er
agoodnap, Iam metbyt hedoebr owney esIhav e
alwayslovedl ookingi nto,herhairi
sonherf acesoI
extendedmyhandt or emov ethehai rof
fherf ace.I
thoughtIwasdr eami ngbutherhai rfeelsr eal, sheis
reall
yhereev enherski nisjustassmoot hasI
remember .Asshebl inks,Ireali
sejusthowcl oseI
am toher.

ShehascomebackformeandIcanf
eelrel
ief
washi
ngoverme.Ihadt
ogothr
oughthatacci
dent
towakeupf rom t hathor ribl
edream.Shenev erdi ed,
Iwasdr eami ngt hewhol et i
meandr i
ghtnowshei s
ri
ghtnextt ome.Ther eisnowayIam ev erl et
ting
hergof rom nowon, Iam goi ngtoholdont oher
ti
ghtlyandIwi ll pr
otectherwi t
hallofme.Theywi l
l
havet ogot hroughmet ogett oher.Shedoesn' tsay
anythingasIcar esst hesi deofherface,shel ooks
peacef ul,l
ooki ngdeepi ntomyey eslikeIam l ooki ng
i
ntoher s.Iscanherf ace, looki
ngforthescaroft he
bull
etbuti ti
snott here–myBuggi eisreal l
yher e.I
pullhercl osert omet oki ssherbutshef linchesand
fearwashesov erherf ace.Ibli
nkrapidl
y, Iam i nmy
houseandIam wi deawakesoIcan’ tbedr eami ng.

Myey esfal
lbackont hedoeey esagainand“ Hhaa!”
Iscreamedpushi ngmy sel
fawayf r
om herinsteadof
pushingher
.Shel ookedsoscar ed,sheranoutof
theroom withoutlookingbackwhi l
eIf el
lof
fthebed
hit
ti
ngt hef
loorheadf irst,
“Ma!
”
Ut
hando:
For
ty

Abenat
hi

Shewokeupi nherr oom af t

erherdai lynapandt he
housewasv eryqui et.Ev enint hel ounget het vwas
off,thesweetol dladywasnoti ntheki tchenandt he
boywasnoti nhisr oom.Shehasn' tbeenabl eto
concent rateonany thing, t
hemedi cat ionshewas
takingiscompl etelyof fhersy stem andt hev oices
hav ebecomeaggr essi ve–‘ kil
lyour sel f
, you’r
enot
wor thli
ving’;
‘thisisy ourchancet or unawayandno
onewi l
lknow’; ‘
Ihav eal way sknownt haty oucannot
trustthosepeopl e,lookshei scomi ngwi thakni fe
behindy ou!’shet urnedt olookbackbutt herewas
noonet here;‘
ki l
lthem bef or
et heyki ll y
ou’ ;‘
you’re
notwor t
hy,youar estupi d,dumb, slowandy ou
stink!’
;‘
thewor l
dwoul dbeabet terpl acewi t
hout
you’;’cr
ybaby , crythat ’
swhaty ou’r egoodatany way ’
–t hev oicemocksandj ustlikethatshest ar
tsbei ng
ov erwhelmedbyal otofemot i
ons.
Sheneedsapl acet ohi de, tohi defrom her self
becauseshecan' tt akei tany more.Shet urnsar ound
tocl i
mbupt hest ai rsagai nbutacl oseddoor
catchesherat tent ion, sher emember squitewel l t
hat
i
twasopent helastf ewday sshehasbeenher esoi t
beingcl osedmadehercur i
ous–‘ gochecki tout
may bewecoul df indat r
easur e’;
‘adeadbodyi s
whaty ouaregoi ngt of i
nd’ ;‘you’r
et respassi ng,the
oldwomant oldy out ost ayi ny ourroom! ’;‘
shewon’ t
doi t,she’stoomuchofascar edy-cat’–t hev oi
ces
wer en’tencour agi ngmuchbutherf eethadt heirown
mindsoshef oundher sel frightinf rontoft hedoor
withherhandont hehandl e.Thedooropensandt he
room i sjustasqui etast her estoft hehouse.

Shewal ksinandcl osest hedoorbehindher .Iti

s
white,justliketheroom shesl eepsinupst ai
rsand
thatgiveshermor er easontowal karoundand
admi reit.Thent here’
ssomeonesl eepi
ngont opof
thebed, shetil
tsherheadt othesi deandshehasn’t
neverseent hemanbef ore.Ontheot hersideofthe
bedt herei sachai r
,from whereshei sstandingshe
can'tseet hati
tisact uall
yawheel chai rbutitdoesn't
mat tertoherbecauseshedoesn' tlikebl ackvery
much.Themani ssl eepingpeacef ullyont hebedbut
whoi she?Wi t
houtt hinki
ngtwi ce,shel ai
dnextt o
himl ookingatandscanni nghisf ace, hewasscar red
becauseoft heaccidentandt hatwasf ascinati
ngt o
her.Shehasnev erseenaper sonl iket hatbefore,he
evenhasaBand- Ai
donhi sforehead–i tissimil
art o
theonesheusedt ohav eonherscr atchedknee
whenshewasy oungsoshet ouchedi toutof
curi
osi t
y.

Themanmov ed,heiswaki ngupbutshedi dn’t

meant owakehim up.Herey esgobbl edoutatt he
si
ghtofhisopenedey es,hewasst il
l taki
ngi nshort
andsteadybreat
hsl i
kehewasst illsleeping.The
wayhewasl ookingatherwas. ..
ther e’snocor rect
wordtoexplai
nitbutshef eltcompel l
edt olookat
hi
mt o.Hetouchedherandshedi dn’tev enfli
nch–
wheredidthevoicesgo?Themanseemst obe
drawntoherinawayt hatshecan’ tunder stand,she
doesn’
tknowhi m sohowdoesheknowher–she
waswaiti
ngforhimtofreakoutandchaseherout
ofhi
sroom butheisnot.Hecomescl oser,hit
ting
herf
acewithhiswarm breat
he;helookshar mless
buti
shegoingtoeather?Heseesherf acethenhe
l
ooksaroundandthenather.“Hhaa!”hescreams
andshepanicsthi
nki
ngshedi dsomethingwr ong,
hedi
dn’tonl
yjustscr
eam, heisal
sot r
yingtoget
awayfr
om her.

Thef earonhi sf acef r

eakedherout , hescr eamsout
againandsher unst odoorwi thoutwai t
ingt ofi
nd
outwhathappenedorwhatwentwr ong.Herwhol e
bodywasshaki ng, shefearedf orherownl i
feand
shecoul dhearherownhear tbeat i
ngagai nsther
chestl ikeawardr um.Sher unsi ntot heloungeand
therei sashadowofaper sonshedi dn’tleave
behindwhenshewenti ntot hatroom.Shehasn’ t
seent heper son’sf acebutt hefearinherhas
doubl edupal ready .Herfacet witchesandt wistsas
thev oiceschanti nsideherheadagai n,fi
lli
ngher
headwi thmor etheor i
esandf antasies.Theper son
turnst olookatherandi tisamanshehasnev er
seenbef
ore–huh,
twomalestr
anger
sinonehouse,
wherei
ssheandwhati
sgoingon?

“Heysweet ness,
”hesayssoundi ngcal m and
any t
hingbutsweet.Thereissomet hingabouthim
thatisunsettl
i
ng,themanshel efti
nt heotherr
oom
wassweetandpeacef uli
tisjusthim screamingthat
freakedheroutandhei ssti
llscreami ng.

Themanshedoesn' tknowwal kstowar dsher,he

hasasmi leonhi sfaceandhei sscanningherwi th
i
nterests.Hebet tersaysomet hingbecauseal lthe
thi
ngst hatt hev oicesaref i
ll
inghermi ndwithar e
notreall
yki nd, t
heonet hingshewant st odoright
nowi stof i
ndasaf espace, curlupint hecornerand
crywhilewai t
ingf orsomeonet ocomet osaveher .
“HeyIdi dn’tknowt herewast woofy ou–Si mbonga
hasalway sbeenl ucky .Thewomanhel oveddied
andnowhehasbeengi ft
edwi thanot herone?”he
chucklesandshei spuzzl ed,not hi
nghesai dmade
senset oherbutst i
lli
twasn'tf unny.Hei scomi ng
cl
osetoherandhereyesroam ar
ound,t
her oom she
wasini
sabittofarf
rom wheresheisstandingand
onherl
eft
..
.yest
hebathroom!

Sherunst ot hebat hr oom andt ri

estocl osethedoor
butshei st ool ate,themanhasputhi sfootonthe
doorway ,blocki ngthedoorf r
om closing.Hepushes
thedoort oopenwi ndandt heforcepushes
Abenat hitohi tthef loorwi t
ht ear
sst r
eami ngdown
herface.“ Ohsweet ness, wear egoingtohav ealot
offunt oget her,”hesay sclosingthedoorbehi ndhim
andsteppi ngt owardsherwhi l
esher eversesunti
l
shehitst hewal l.Hecr ouchesi nfrontofherand
says,“getint heshower ,youst i
nk!”

•
•
•
Si
mbonga

“
Ma!
”Ical
loutagai
nandi
tremai
nssi
l
ent
.

Thereisal otofpai nshoot ingt hroughmybonesand

Ij
ustwanti ttogoaway .Af t
erf ullf
ivemi nutesno
oneshowst heirface,notev enmyf ather–di dthey
abandonmeal r
eady ?Ithoughtt heywi llstayuntilI
am ful
lycapabl etodot hingsbymy self.Ipullthe
wheelchaircloset ome, i
fnoonecanhel pmeIwi l
l
havetofindawayt ohel pmy selfandweal ll
earnthe
hardwaysoIguessonmyf i
rstdaybackf rom
hospit
alIwon’ tgett oactl i
keabi gbabyandhav e
mymot herf eedingmeherf amouschi ckensoupor
somethingcl oset othat.Itishar dtogetont he
wheelchairwi t
houtst oppingaf ewsecondsi n
betweenbecauseoft hepai nbutIgeti tr i
ghtandI
wheelmy selftot hedoor .

Thehousei
sveryqui
et,
li
kether
eisnoonebutt
her
e
i
sasoundofrunni
ngwatercomingf
rom t
he
bathroom her eont hegr oundf l
oor.Nooneev er
usest hatbat hroom, unlesssomeonewast ool azyto
showerupst air
sort heirshoweri sbr oken.“Ma!”I
calloutagai nbutnooner epli
es.Iwheel my selft
o
thedoorandknock.Thewat ercont i
nuet orunandI
knockagai nt henitst ops.Thedooropensr eveal
ing
afaceIhav en’tseeni ny ear
s, heissmi r
kingsoI
guesshei shappyt obeher ebutIdon’ tclearl
y
understandwhyhei sher e,inmyhouse.Hei sful
ly
dressedsowhowasi ntheshower ,myey eslook
pasthi m andshei ssi tt
ingont hefl
oor,wetand
shiveri
ng–It houghtIwasdr eaming!

“Enzokuhle,whatar eyoudoinginmyhouse? ”Iask,

slowlylooki
ngupt ohim andnowIr eal
i
sewhata
messheact ual
lyis.Hel ooksl
ikehehasn’tsl
eptfor
days,hiseyesarebl oodshotred,hehasdark
patchesunderhi sey esandhiswholefacesaysthat
heisf uckedupreallybad.

“
Icamet
osur
pri
sey
ou–ar
eyousur
pri
sed?
”Isee
heisamusedbyt hiswholeideaofhim beingherein
mypr esence.“Lookwhatt heyhavedonet oyou,”he
pointstothemyl egs,“t
hemi ght
ySimbongahas
fal
len!”hechucklesandthatmakeshi ml ookreall
y
ri
diculous,don’
tforgetcr
azy.Whatiswr ongwith
him andwher ewasheal ltheseyear
s?Iwantt oask
him allt
hosequestionsbutnowi snotthet i
met o
catchup.

“
Wher
ear
emypar
ent
sandmyson?
”

“Theyar
eupstai
rs,inapeacefulsl
eepbutdon’tyou
worrywehaveplentyoftimetocatchupbeforethey
wakeup,”hi
ssmi l
eirri
tat
estheshi
toutofmeandI
wishhecouldj
ustclosethedoorbecauseseeingher
facemakesmef eelsomeki ndofwayanditisnota
goodfeel
ing–Iam f ucki
n’angr
y!

“
Pleasegetoutofmyhouse,
”Isay
,cal
mly
.
“Ohthel asttimeIcheckedy ouwererenti
ngthe
house,”hesay str
yingtobefunnybutheisact ual
ly
not,
Il ookathi mlaughingl
ikeanidi
otthathei s.
“Youdon’ tgett ot
ellmetodoany t
hing,not
hing!”he
hasswi tchedt obeingangr
ynowandIam f ul
ly
convincedt hatheiscrazyorheisonsomet hing
that
’swhyhekeepsonsni ff
li
ng.

“
Arey
ouhi
gh?
”

Hel aughs,likereall
yhard, hei shight hereisno
doubtaboutt hatbecauseIhav enev erseenany
personchangi ngfrom beingj oll
yt osuperangr ythen
tojoll
yagai ninaspaceofj ustaf ewseconds.What
happenedt ohi m?Hewasagoodboywhenwewer e
growingup, Imeanwewer eev encl osefriends,Ihad
hisbackandhehadmi ne.Wewentoursepar ate
way safterpassi ngmat r
icandIhav enev erseenhim
since.Ithoughtwe’ dbeont henat i
onal t
eam
together,youknowt wogoodboy sandbestf r
iends
from thevill
agedoi nggreatt hi
ngst olevel upinli
fe
buthenev ershowedup,l
ikeonanyt
hing-Inev
er
thoughthe’dbeofff
ootball
li
keever
.

“Whathappenedt oyou?”Idon’
tknowwhyIsound
soworriedandsinceretoamanwhobr okeint
omy
house,druggedmypar ent
sandson,andthendid
somethingto..
.Her
.

“YouhappenedSimbonga, ”hesays.Hehasgone
backtobeingupset,Idon’tknowwhathei stal
ki
ng
aboutbecauseIhaven'tseenhiminy ear
ssowhat
wouldIhavepossibl
ydonet ohi
m withoutev
en
seei
nghim.

“You'
recr
azyman,getoutofmyhouseandcome
backwhenyourheadiscl
earbecauser
ightnowy
ou
arenotmaki
ngsense.”

“Thi
sisexact
lywhatIam t
alki
ngabout,youhave
nevert
akenmeseriousl
yyouthinkIam dumb,sl
ow
andnotworthythatiswhyy outookever
ythi
ngfrom
me!Wewer ebot hgoodi nthef
iel
dbutyougotall
theprai
ses,youaretheonewhogott hefir
stboots
from Di
sky,
thef i
rstonetobechosentotakebein
theAcademyi nJohannesburgandguesswhoal so
gottoplayi
nt henationalt
eam –Simbonga
Masuku!”

“Youdon’
tknowwhaty
ou’
ret
alki
ngabout
!”Ishoot
back.

Thement i
onofDi skyandt hewayIwaschosenf or
theAcademyj ustbr oughtbackpai nful memor ies,I
don’tknowhehadt obej ealousofthatnotknowi ng
whathel lIwentt hrought ogetal lt
het hi
ngsIgot .I
wasnai ve,Ihadnodesi ret ogetanyf avoursandal lI
everwant edwast opl aybal l
.Theyfooledmet o
beli
evet hatIwoul dn'tgoanywher eifIdidn’tdoal l
thethingstheyf orcedmet odo.Ifheunder stands
thepainIwentt hr ought henhewi l
lunderstandt hat
everyt
hingt hatglitt
ersisnotal waysgol d.Isuffered
alotbeforeIgotwhereIam, nott
hatIdidn’
twork
hardtoachieveital
lbutitcamewithheavybaggage
tocarr
y.Itcostedmeal otofhear
tache.

“Iknowexact lywhatIam t alkingaboutSi mbonga;

thoseboot swer eminebuty outookt hem awayf rom
me!Thatcapt ainpositi
onwasmi nebef oreyoubut
againy outooki tawayf rom me!Iwast hebest
and...
againSimbonga, yout ooki tawayf r
om me, y
ou
stolemyshi neandy ouhav enev erthoughtofhow
thatwouldmakemef eel.Ilostmy selfwhile
watchingy ouf i
ndy ourselfatmycost .Youkepton
taki
ngandt aking,andIam f uckin’ti
redofwat chi
ng
youl i
vi
ngmyl ife!”

“
Enzokuhl
eMashaba!
”Ir
oar
.

“Youcanreci
temyclannames,appeasewithmy
ancest
orsbutIam notgoi
ngbackSimbonga.Ihat
e
yousomuchandt here’
snocomingbackfrom i
t.I
wantyoutosuffer
,Iwantt
owatchyoulose
every
thingandwhenIam doneseei ngy
ouf eelt
he
painIfeltt
henIam goi
ngt oki
ll
youandmy self
.”He
i
sser i
ousandtherearetearswell
i
nginhiseyes.

“Don'
tyout
hinkIhav
esuf
fer
edenough?Iam ona
damnwheelchai
r!
”

“Nothatdidn’
tbreaky ouenoughlikeSisanda’ s
deathdidn’
tbreakyouorbei nginprisonfor
somethingyoudidn’tdonordi dI
nganat hi’
sdeat h
breakyouSimbonga–y ouaresti
l
l herewi l
l
ingto
fi
ghttogetbackony ourfeet
.Youkeeponbr eaki
ng
meeacht imey ougetbackupbecauseIf ai
ledtodo
i
t;youmanagedt obr eakmebutIam f ail
i
ngt odoi t
toyou.Whyar eyoudoi ngthi
s?”

“Enzowhathavey oudone?”mymi ndisst

il
lstuckon
thatSi
sanda’sdeathdidn'
tbreakmesot hatmeans
hewasbehi ndit
?Inganathi
’sdeathtoo?SoIhav e
beenblamingthewr ongpeoplewhi l
eheistheone
whohasbeendoi ngt hi
s–why ?
!
Ilookupt ohim andhei swor set hanamess, hei s
cryinghy steri
call
yandIf eelanythingbutsor ryfor
him.Ther eisbangingont hedoorupst ai
rsanda
faintvoicescr eamingforhelp,thatshoul dbet hem –
theyar ealive.Andshei sstil
lshiveri
ng, l
ookingal l
paleandsad.Iam st i
l
lveryangr yattheideaofher
beinginmyhousewhenIdon’ tknowwhoshei s
becauseonet hi
ngIknowi sthatshemayl ookl i
ke
Inganathi butsheisnotmyBuggi e.Iwilldealwithit
afterthisEnzohasl ef
tmyhouse, heisalsoanot her
problem Idon’ tevenknowhowt osol veandhei s
highsot hatmakeshi m unpredictable.Idon’teven
knowhowmuchhehaschangedov erthey earsso
hei sgoodasast r
angerr i
ghtnow.

“Ihaven’
tdoneany t
hingyet
,”hesaysreachi
ngf or
somet hi
ngbehindhisbackbutbeforehereveal
s
whatitis,hestar
tsgaggi
ngnotl i
kehewantst o
vomitbutmor eli
keheisinpain.Hegroansholding
ontohischestandthegunt hatwasinhiswaistfal
ls
tothegroundbeforehefall
sontohisknees.
“Heyarey oualri
ght?”Iask,hedoesn' tlookgood–
whyi sbloodcomi ngoutofhi smout h?Il ookupand
thegirli
sonherf eetnow, fearverymuchv isi
bleon
herface.Enzoisgr oaninginpain,hesoundsl i
kea
bull
beingslaught er
edandt hebl oodist r
aili
ngdown
tohischinwithaf ewdr opsont hef l
oor.Ifhe
overdosed,shouldn'tthebl
oodbecomi ngoutofhi s
noseandheshoul dbehol dingontohi sheadnothi s
chest.Buthecan’ tdie–Iwantt oknowwhatr eall
y
happenedt oSisanda, Ihav
ebeenl ooki
ngf orclosure
andIhav en’
tfoundi t.Hecanhel pmewi ththat
that
’swhyhecan' tdie.

“Hey!
”hei sont hef l
oor,gaspingforair,
thewayhe
i
shol dingontohischestt ell
smet hatiswher ethe
painiscomi ngfrom.“ Hey!”shequicklysnapsoutof
i
tandl ooksatmewi thherbi geyesgobbl i
ngoutof
thei
rsockets,sher emindsmeal otaboutI nganat
hi
andIcan’ tl
ookather .“Goopent hedoor ,theone
theyarebangingonandt el
lmymot hertocallan
ambul ance,
”Itellherandshedoesn' tmove.“Hey!”
shejumps, l
ookingst art
ledthenshest artsmov i
ng.
Shewal kspastmeandcl imbsupt hest air
s.Myey es
arest i
l
l onEnzo, IwishIcoul dhelphim hel ooksin
somuchpai nandIdon’ tthinkIwillbeabl etobear
wat chi
nghi m die.Thesmel l ofhi
sbl ood...
isj
ust,i
tis
thesameaswhenIwal kedi ntothehouset ofi
nd
Inganathi onthef l
oor,l
ayingont hepool ofbl
ood–
pale,coldanddead.Foot stepscomef rom behind
meandEnzohasst oppedmov i
ng,hisey esarewide
openbutt here’
snol i
ghtint hem –hei sgone.No
onesay sanythi
ng, Kwandocomesi nfrontofme
andt hrowshi sarmsar oundmyneck, Ihughi m back.

Moment slater,theparamedi csarehereandt hey

declarehi
m dead.Agr oupofot herpeoplecomet o
takehim awayi nabl ackplasti
cbag.Ther e'
sal ot
thathashappenedi nthelasthour,Ihavejustfound
outthatthere’sanotherInganathi,
thepersonI
thoughtofasmychi ldhoodf ri
endwasact ual
ly
j
ealousofmenotonl ythatbutheal soki
ll
ed
everyonethatIhav eev erl
ovedandIdon’ tdoubtthat
hewaswor kingwithNomaguguandWey mout h.He
alsodiedinfrontofmyey es;withalloft
hatgoi ng
throughmyheadagainandagainther
eisonethi
ng
thatweighsoutal
ltheot
hert
hingsandthati
twhyis
thi
sgi r
linmyhouseandwhynoonet oldmeabout
her?!

“
Wewer
egoi
ngt
otel
lyou?
”mymot
hersay
s.

“When?”Iam veryupsetev
enmyv oi
ceishigher
thannormal.Idon’
twanttoshout
,Ir
espectmy
parent
sverymuchbutIam angryman.

“Wewer
ewait
ingforyoutosett
lei
nbef
orewe
bur
denyouwi
thanotherpr
oblem.”

“Ohshe’sapr obl
em? ”Il
ookatthegirlandsheis
l
ookingintospace,busymumbl ingtoherselfwi
th
herfacetwisti
ngalloverthepl
ace.“Whatisgoingon
hereandwher edidyouf i
ndher?”Iheardtherei
sa
nuthouseclosebyandt hi
sgirl
rubsmeof fl
ikea
personwhohasaf ewscr ewsl
oose,thereisno
adul
tper
sonwhoact
sli
keher
.

“She..
.wef oundherontheroadandshel ooksli
ke
I
nganat hisoshehast obeInganathi
’stwi
nsister
.
Shei snotthatbad,”mymot hersaysli
kesheis
try
ingtoconv inceher
selfmorethanmeandmy
fatheri
ssi l
entli
kehedoesn’twanttobeapar tof
thi
sconv ersati
on.

“Iam noti
nterest
edmot herandIdon’twanttofi
nd
outifsheisbadornot .Iwantheroutofmyhouse,
Kwandogogetmyphonei fthosepeopledon’
twant
tocomeandgethert henIam t aki
ngherback
my sel
f,
”IsayandKwandor unsofftotakemyphone
from t
heroom thatIam cur rent
lyusi
ng.

“Si
mbonga,pl
easedon’tdothis.Seeyouar
ealready
upset
ti
ngher,
”shepointst
ot hegirlwhoi
scry
ing
now.
“Iwanthergonema, doyouknowhowherbei ng
heremakesmef eel,doy
ouknowt hepai nIfel
t
whenIreali
sedthatshei
snott hepersonIthought
shewas–Iwanthergone! ”Itakethephonef rom
Kwandoandcal l
edacab.

“Babapl easetalktohim,shedoesn’
twanttogo
backt othatplace,”shegoesontobegmyf at
herbut
hel ookslikesomeonewhoagr eeswithme, Iam not
keepingt hisgi
rlherenomatterwhattheysay–she
i
sl eaving.

“Thecabisher e,
let
’sgo.”I
nst
eadoflookingatme
sheislookingatmymot herwit
hasadf ace.“
Hayi
bo
asihambe!”Ishoutalr
eadyheadi
ngtothedoor.

Thereisnot
hinganyonecantel
lmetodo,ifmy
motherwantstokeepherthenIam l
eav
ing,shewill
havetochoosebetweenherandmebecauseIam
notwill
i
ngtostayinonehousewit
hapersonwho
remindsmeofadeadpar tofme.Someonet hatI
wil
l nevergetback,ithurt
stobear oundhert hanto
actuallyt
hinkofhowmuchImi ssI nganathi.Thecab
headst oGlenLandsandshei slooki ngoutsidet he
windowst il
lcryi
ng.Hersadnessi srubbingof fon
menowbutIam wor ki
ngonbuildingawal lar ound
myhear t
,Ican’
tbef eel
ingsor
ryf orher,Ican’t.We
arr
iveandt hedriverhelpsmeoutoft hecar.She
remainsatt hegate,afr
aidtowalki nbutIdon’ thave
ti
mef orhernonsense.

“
HeyIdon'
thavethewholeday
,come!
”Ishoutand
t
hesecur
it
yguardlooksatmeli
keIam t
heonewho
i
scr
azybetweenthetwoofus.

Idon’tknowhowt hesepeopl estayi

napl acethat
smellsli
kethi sbutt hatisnotafactorrightnowand
i
tturnsoutt hatt heyhav ebeenlookingf orthi
sgir
l
foroveraweeknow.Theywer eworriedbecause
whenhermedi cati
onf lushesoutofhersy stem i
t
canmakeherv erypar anoidandaggressi v
e–t hat
gotmet hinkingbecauseshewasnot hi
ngl i
kethat.
Theladywhoi ntroducedhersel
fassi st
erMar tha
pul
lsthegirlawayandt hegirlt
urnstolookatme
wit
ht earsst
reami ngdownherf ace,shedoesn' tlook
l
ikesomeonewhoi shappytobehome.I nmyhouse
shelookedli
kesomeonewhoi sleavinghomeev en
whent hatwasn’tactual
lyherhome.Idon’ tknow
whatishappeningt omebuti tsuddenlyfeelswr ong
toleaveherhere.
Ut
hando:
For
ty-
One

Si
mbonga

Whent henursecomesbackIaskhert oshowme

thedoctor'
soffi
ceandshegl adl
yshowsmet heway.
Iam theheroinherey esnowandshei sf or
ever
smili
ng.Sheopenst hedoorf ormeandIt hankher.
Thedoctorisanoldwhi teman, withagreybeard
andabal dhead.Hei spleasedtomeetme, newsf l
y
aroundhere,Ihavebeenher eforlesst
hant wo
minutesandheal r
eadyknowsmyname.

“
Iwantedtofi
ndoutaboutt
hegi
rl
,whoi
ssheand
whysheisher
e.”

Hesighsandtakesoffhisspectacl
es,“Shewas
di
agnosedwithschi
zoaffect
ive,asicknessthat
doesn’
tgetbett
erbutgetswor seandshehasbeen
i
nthecareoftheprofessi
onalsforseveny ear
snow.
Sheisournewpat
ientheresot
hatiswhyi
twas
easyforhert
ogomissing,
”hesay
s.

“
Howbadi
sshe?
”

“Iti
shar dtosaybutt r
ustmeSi mbonga,shecanget
wor seanditwasv eryri
skyforhertobeoutoft he
buildi
ngwi t
houthermedi cat
ion.I
fshefeels
threatened,shecaneasil
yattacktodefendherself–
shewoul dn'tbehersel
fbutit
’dbethevoicestell
ing
herwhatt odoev enindangerornot,i
fshef eel
s
threatenedthen.
..
”

ButwithEnzointhehouseandshedi dn’
tfeel
threat
ened,Imeanhispresencewasreal
lynot
fri
endlyatal
lsowhydidn’tsheatt
ack–doest hi
s
doctorknowwhathei st
alkingabout
?

“Sheisanyt
hingbutnot
hingoft
het
hingsy
ouhav
e
said,
”It
ell
him.
“
Whati
sthi
s?”

“Don'tgetmewr ongitisj
ustthat,
whenshewasat
myhousenotatonepoi ntdidshegetaggr essiv
e,
evenmymot herspeakshighl
yofher ,Ireal
lythi
nk
thi
sisnotasi tseemsandmay bethepr obl
em isnot
onlywithherment al
it
yitgoesdeepert hanthat,
”I
sayasIabsent l
ythinkofhowherf acewaswhen
sheleftmyhouseandhowcomf ortableshewas
aroundus,andhowshewasuncomf ortabl
etobe
here.

Shewascr yi
ngherey ebal
l
soutwhent henurse
disappeareddownt hepassagewi t
hherandIcan’ t
helpbutt hi
nkt hatshedoesn'twanttobeher e.Itis
notapl aceshewant stobein,notthatanyone
wouldwantt obeher ebuthowcanaper sonf eelat
homeatast ranger'shouse.Ipauseforasecond,
rewindi
ngmyt hought stowhereIactuall
ythought
thatshef el
t‘athome’ i
nmyhouse–sowhati fthat
i
swhatshei smissi
ng,itcan’
tbethepil
l
st hatthey
aregi
vinghert
hatkeephercalm,shewascal min
myhousebecauseshewasathomeandt hatis
exact
lywhatsheneeds!Ilookatt
hedoct orandhe
i
soblivi
oustoknowwhymyf acei
slikethis,l
ikeI
havewonami ll
i
ondollars.

“
Cany
out
akemet
oher
?”

Hedoesn’ tar
gue,heleadsmedownt hehallt
hrough
theroomsofot herpati
ents,i
tisdar knowso
everyonemustbesl eepi
ng.Heopenst hedoorfor
meandIpeepi n,sheisonherbed.Ther eshelay s
onherbackwi t
hherhandsonherchest ,f
rom where
Iam Icanseet hatsheisindeepsl eep,apeaceful
sleepthateveryadul
tcravesfor.Ihavemadeupmy
mi nd–Iwon’ tl
eaveherhere.

•••
“Makesur ethatshet akeshermedi cati
onandcal l
meshoul dany thi
nghappen, ”thedoct orsai dwhenI
tol
dhimt hatIwil
l bet akinghispat ientf r
om him.He
wasn'thappywi tht hatbuthehadnot hingtosay
becausef rom nowonIam hernextofki n.Idon’t
knowwhoputheri nt hatcl i
nicbutnoonewasl ist
ed
asherguar dian.Ifshedi edorsomet hinghappened
toher,theyhadnoonet ocal l
,Iknewpeopl ecanbe
heart
lessbutIdi dn’tthinki twast hisbad.Ispoket o
mypar entslastnightaboutt histripIam pl anning
fort
oday ,Abenathi doesn' tknowabouti tyetbutI
am sureitiswhatsheneeds–herhome.

“Iwanttot akeyousomewher e,
”It el
lherandshe
doesn'tlookcomf or
tabl
etobear oundme, i
tmust
bebecauseofhowIbehav edy esterday–Iwasj ust
tooangr ytokeepmyemot ionsincheck, ever
y t
hing
wasjustt hereatthesametimeandIdi dn’
tknow
howt oreact.Ihavenoexcusef ornotapologisi
ngt o
herso, “
Iam sorryforhowIspoket oyouyesterday,
i
twaswr onganduncal l
edfor.
”Shel ookstobe
thi
nki
nghar daboutwhatIsaid,Idon’tthi
nkIam
ev
ergoi
ngtogetusedt
olooki
ngatherwhi
l
eIam
st
il
lmour
ning.

“
Iam sor
ryt
ooformakingyouangr
y..
.”shesaysbut
i
tlooksl
i
keshewantstosaymorebutitdoesn’
t
r
eachhermouthandinst
eadshenods.

“
Okayl
et’
sgo.
”

Myf atherwant edt odriv

eusbutIdecl i
nedhi sof f
er,
Iam v erykindsoIgotsomeonet odr iveus–i tisthe
sameashi tti
ngt wobi r
dswi t
honest onebecauseI
savedhi mt hetri
pandIhi redsomeonesot hey ’
d
makeaqui ckbuck, Iam allaboutupl i
f t
ingpeopl e
andcr eatingj obsisanot heroneofmyspeci alti
es.It
i
sal ongdr i
v esincewear esi t
tinginsi l
ence, each
personmi ndingt heirownbusi nessandt hought s.
Whenwear ri
ve,Iwasaboutt ofallasleept hat’
show
badt hemedi cationIam t akingcanget .Abenat hi
l
ooksf azedatt hesi ghtoft hehouse, sheisbl i
nking
rapi
dlywhi l
eev eryinchofherbodyr emai nsf rozen
andgl
uedt
othegr
ound.

Ipresst heintercom t oannouncemyar r

ival
andI
don’tsayt hatIam wi t
hsomeone.Idon’tknowhow
theywi llr
eactsi ncetheydidn’
tmenti
onany thi
ng
abouther ,
Inganat hial
sodidn’
tsayanythi
ngandI
hopet heydon’ tchaseusoutatt hesightofthei
r
daught er.Thegat eopensandIwheel myselfi
n,
Abenat hiisfall
ingbehi ndandIgett
ot hedoorwhich
opensbef oreIcoul devenknockandMrObennebo
i
st heonewhoopenedi t
.

“Simbonga,whatbringsyouher e?”hedoesn'tsound
rudebutsurpr
isedbymypr esence,hethoughthe
gotri
dofmewhenwebur i
edhi sdaughterandsaid
goodbyetoeachot herbuthet houghtwrong,Iam
hereforhiswi
fe’sbeansst ewandst eamedbr ead.
Thatwillt
akemef orevertoforgetaboutsohebet ter
chil
lbecauseheisst i
ll
goingtoseet hisfacefora
l
ongt i
me.
“Iam her
ewithsomeone–”It ur
ntol
ookbehi
ndme
butsheisnotther
e,Icheckonmylef
tandri
ght
she’
snotthereeit
her.

MrsObenneboappear stoandsays, “
youwillf
ind
herontheswi ngbehindthehouse.”Ilookatherwi t
h
alookmi xedwi t
hshockandsur pr
ise,Imeanhow
canshebesochi ll
ed,It
houghtshe’dfreakoutand
scream ‘
witchcraft
’orsheknowsaboutherdaught er
beingali
ve.Ilookatthemannextt oherandhi sface
i
suncleart ome, Idon’
tknowwhati tmeansbutI
don’tt
hinkhei shappy.

Iwantt oknowwhati sgoingonandIwantev ery

l
itt
ledetailofi
t.Iwheelmy sel
faroundt hehouseand
sheisont heswi ngli
kehermot herhadsaidbut
she’sisnotswinging.AsIgetcloser,Icanhearher
snif
fingandshesur esoundsl i
kesomeonewhoi s
cryi
ng.Igetinfrontofherandshei samessev en
herhairisamess–Ishoul d'v
easkedoneoft he
nursestofixitbefor
ewel eft.
“Ar
ey ouokay?”Iaskandshenods,
Idon’
tthi
nkshe
underst
andsmyquest i
onwhatIwantt
oknowi s
whyshei scr
yingsoIrephr
ase,
“Whyareyou
cry
ing?”

Shewipesof ft
hetearsonhercheeksandsni f
fles
onemor eti
mebef oresheopenedhermout ht o
speak,“
Imi ssher
,”shesays.Imisshertoo.“Inever
gottosaygoodbyet oherthenandIdidn'
tgett osay
goodbyetohernowt hatsheisreall
ygone.Het ol
d
meIwi l
lseeheragainifIbecomeagoodgi rl
,ifI
becomel i
keherbutIdidn’
t.Healwayswant edmet o
beli
kehersonowwi thherdead,doeshewantme
deadtoo?”sheasks,breaki
ngintotear
sagai n.

Idon’tknowwhati shappeni
ngbutthe‘he’couldbe
herfatheranditcomesasashockt omef orhert
o
ref
ertoherf at
heras‘he’
.Shedoesn'
thav eany
connectionwit
ht hemanandIknowt hathehasa
handi nthat
.Hecalledhi
swifeemotional
lyunstabl
e
whenshement i
onedsomethingaboutInganathi’
s
sist
er.Idon’
tknowwhathehasagai nsthisdaught er
butnohumanbei ngcanbet hishear
tl
essandt hrow
awayt hei
rchi
ldli
keshenevermeantany thi
ngt o
them.Ireachouttoher,
towi peherf
aceandi tlooks
l
ikeshei scal
mingdown.

“Doyouwantt
ocomei
n?”Iaskandsheshoot
sher
eyestome.

“
Am Ial
l
owedt
o?”

Idon’
tknowwhyt hi
squestionhi tsmet hesameway
aswhenKwandoaskedmei fitissafeforhimto
hugme, sheisherpar ent'
sdaught erandshe
shouldn'
tbeaskingi fsheisal l
owedt oenterherown
home.Sheshoul d'vegrownupwi t
hhersisterwit
h
bothherparentsbyhersi deinherhomewher ethey
arealli
n.Nomat terhowdi fferentshemaybe, t
hey
didn’
thavear i
ghtt oexcl
udeherf orthatandifmy
guessiscorrectthanI'dsayt hatthisiswhatdrove
herovertheedge.Shemighthavebeenslowt han
hersi
sterbutshewasn'tmental
lyi
ll
.Itmusthav e
beentheemot i
onalabuseandtheconstantpressur
e
fr
om herfatherwanti
nghertobe‘nor
mal ’andact
l
ikehersist
er.

“Ofcourseyouareall
owedt oandwewon’ tleave
unti
lyousetyourfootinthathouse.Theyowei tto
youandwear egoingt ofi
ghtfori
tifweneedt o,”I
sayandshenodsr apidly
.

Shef ollowsbehindmeasIheadt ot hehouse, we

aregoi ngtouset hebackdoornowsi nceitwilltake
usfor evertogettot hefr
ontdoorwi thmei na
wheel chairorwecoul dsayIam justtool azytogo
aroundagai n.Thedoori sopenandwemakeour
wayin, thereisnoonei nthekit
chenbutt herear e
potsont hestovesoIknowt hathermot heris
prepar i
ngsomet hing.Iam gl
adshedi dn’
tscoldme
tomakei tknownt hatIshoul
d'vetol
dhert hatIwas
comingsoshe’ dpr epar
esomethingni ce.Wef ind
t
hem i
nt hel
oungeandtheybothstandupaswe
wal
kin.Themoodislessint
ensethanIthought
.

Hermot herisal r
eadyint ears,shet oot hinksi ti
snot
safet ohugherdaught er,Icanseeathowshei s
contempl ati
ng, shedoesn' tknowi fsheshoul dandi f
shecant henwi llAbenathiallowhert otouchher .Mr
Obennebot riestopullast rai
ghtf acebutt here’sa
l
otofemot i
onsgoi ngar ound.Idon’ tthinkt herear e
mor ewor dst hatneedt obesai d,theyowei ttot heir
daught ertoletherknowandf eelthatshei sl oved
andt hatshedoesn' tneedt obemor eorlessofwho
sheist oqual if
yt obetheirdaught er.Hermot her
couldn'tholdbackany mor e,shepul ledherdaught er
i
nf orahugandshecr iedlikeshecr iedf orInganat hi.
Suchahear tbr eaki
ngsi ght,sharpbr eathsar e
comi ngf r
om MrObenneboandi twon’ tbel ongunt i
l
heshedsaf ewt earstoo.

“Iam sosorr
ymybaby
,Idi
dn’
twantyoutogo,I
shoul
dn'thavel
ety
ougoli
ket
hatandIshoul
d'
ve
foughtfory ou.Il
oveyou,
Iloveyousomuch,
”her
mot hersayscuppingherfaceaf
tert
hatt
ight
squeezet hatshe’
dcallahug.

“Iam sorrytoo, ”MrObennebosay st akingast ep

towardswher ehi swifeanddaught erare.“ Iam sorr
y
forhowIt reat edy ou,youar emydaught erandi t
wasnev ermyi ntent
iont ohur tyoul iket hat.Iam
evenashamedt osayt hatIam y ourf ather,Ifail
ed
you..
.”Itol
dy ouhei sgoi ngtocr y,“Iam sor r
y,
pleaseforgiveme, ”heal sopul l
sherandhugsher
fordearlif
e.Iwi pethet earsint hecor nerofmyey es
asIwat cht hem cont inuewi ththei rreuni on.Iam
sorrytobet heonet obr eakt hisbeaut if
ul moment
butIam hungr y .

•••

Ifeel
ashar
ppainshootdeepinsi
det hebonesofmy
l
owerbodyanditj
erksmeoffmysl eep.Iqui
ckly
openmyeyesandIam shockedtodeat htoseeher
sit
ti
ngonmyl apbutf acingt heotherway ,whenand
howdi dshegetinher e?Shet ur
nst olookbackat
meandshel ooksjoll
yf orsomer eason.“ They
mov ed,
”shesay spointingt omyf eetandherf ace
showsj usthowfascinat i
ngi twaswhenshesaw
that.Ir
iseupabi t,
balanci ngonmyel bowsandshe
getsoffmeandt hebed.Il ookatmyf eettry
ingt o
mov ethem buttheydon’ tmov e,Iguessitwasj usta
refl
exbutt hepai
ni shorriblypai
nful.Itur
nt olookat
herandshel ookssmar t,noshel ooksbeaut iful.

“Whereareyougoing?
”Iaskseei ngthatshei
swell
dressedv
eryearl
yinthemorningev enherhai
rlooks
cl
eanandt i
edint
oaneatpony tail
.Ibethermother
workedhardtogetherhai
rli
ket hat.

“Wearegoingt
ochurch,
”shesay
sexci
tedl
y,l
ooki
ng
atherpr
ett
ydress.

Il
ookatherthi
nki
ng‘
we’ar
egoingtochur
ch?I
sthat
whyhermotherwassoper
sist
entt
hatIal
sosl
eep
overlastnight?ShesaidsomethingaboutAbenathi
beingindistressifIl
eftwhenItol
dherIcouldn'
t
sl
eepov erkant ishewasupt osomethi
ng.Ihaven'
t
beent ochurchi nyear
s,Idon’
tthi
nkIrememberhow
i
tev enlooksi nsi
de.

“Myf a-t
herbr oughtt hisfory outowear ,
”shepoint
s
tothegr eysuithangedont hewar drobet hatl
ooks
two-sizes-
too-bigIwi lllooklikethesui ti
swear i
ng
meandnott heot herwayar ound.ButIam st i
ll
stunnedatt hatsheaddr essedherf atheras‘my
father’
,alotchangedi naspaceofj ustaf ewhours
butIam gl adaboutt hepr ogress.ThoughIst i
ll
wonderwhatwoul d’vehappenedorwhatwoul dthey
hav edonei fIdidn’tshowupwi ththeirdaughterat
theirdoorstep–woul dtheyhav elookedf orher?

SheleavesandIdragmy sel
foutofbed.Ineedto
eatsoI’ddri
nkpainkil
l
ers,Ial
soneedtoseet he
doctor,
Idon’tt
hinkIam goingtosurvi
vethisshar
p
pai
ni fi
tconti
nues.Iti
slikemylegsarebeing
elect
ri
fied, i
tisreall
ybad.Thesui tdoesn’ tlook
shabbyatal l,i
tisabi tbi
gbecausei twasmadef or
hisbodyandi tisnotaonesi zefi
tallkindofmake
butIlookgoodi nanexpensi vesuitwhichIbel i
eve
i
t’sworthwoul d'
vef edhalfofKwaMashut ownshi p.
Inthediningr oom, Mr sObennebodi dn'tdisappoint,
thefoodl aidont het ablecouldbeservedt oaki ng
andhe’dl ickhisfinger saft
erwipinghisplat ecl
ean.

“Thanky ouSimbongaf orwhaty oudid,Idon’tknow

howI ’deverrepayyouf orbri
ngi
ngourdaught er
home, ”sheisnotaboutt ocryagain,Ihaveseen
enought earsanditisbyGod’ sgracethatIsleptlast
nightafterseei
ngMrObennebo’ scryi
ngfaceand
l
et ’
sjustsayheshoul dn'tt
hinkofcryi
nginfrontof
toddlersbecauseIdon’twantany one’schil
dt obe
traumatized.

“I
tisf
atema,i
fIdi
dn’
tfi
ndhert
hensomeonewould
haveandshewasgoi
ngtofi
ndherwayhomewit
h
orwit
houtme.
”
“Thatiswhywear egoi
ngt ochurch,t
othankt he
Lordandaskf orf
orgi
veness.Thereisalotofwor k
thatsti
ll
needstobedonebutwear eallwi
ll
ingto
putintheworkandmakeupf orthel
osttime,”she
takesherhusband'
shandandt heysmi l
eateach
other.

Abenathii
snotreal
lyinterestedi
nthehearttoheart
conver
sati
onthatisgoingonher e,heratt
enti
onis
onthefoodandshei st hefir
stonetostandup,
sayi
ngweneedt oleav eorwear egoingtobelate.
Shelookshappyandt hatiswhatIwant edforher.

“Wi
ththisoutoft
heway
,It
hinki
tist
imewef ocused
onmakingthatwomanNomagugupay,
”IsaytoMr
Obenneboandhetur
nstol
ookatme.

“
Didn'
tyouhear
,shei
sdead.
”
•
•
Zobuhl
e

Bheki died,Ifi
nal
lymanagedt oletgooft heanger
andhat redIhadf orhim andhedi edj ustliket hat .
Somepeopl ewi l
lshocky ouIt ellyoubutt hati snot
somet hingIwantt ofocuson, myangerandpai n
wasbur i
edwi thhi
m andr ightnowi tistimef orme
tomov eon.Thef i
rstthi
ngIam mov i
ngont ois
checkingonSi mbonga,Iwasof fmyphone, Ididn’t
evenseet hathewasi nvolvedi nacaracci dentand
aft
erIsawt henewsIcaughtt hef ir
stt axi Igot .I
can’tbelievehenear l
ydiedandIdi dn’tev enknow
abouti t
.Wey mout hhasbeencal ling, Idon’ twantt o
tal
kt ohi m,IwanttoseeSi mbongaandIam not
l
eav i
ng–Iam st ayinghere.IknowIwi ll
notendup
i
nt hebackr oom fortherestofmyl ife,Iwi llact ual
ly
endupsomewher eandIr efuset ot akecor nerst o
mysuccess.
Iknockonthedoor,
noIact
uall
ybangedthedoor
anditopens,
Simbonga’
smotheri
stheonetoopen
thedoor.

“
Hima,Iam her
etoseeSi
mbonga,
”It
ell
herandshe
i
ssmi
li
ng,suchalov
elywoman.

“Theyarenothere,y
ouhavej ustmissedthem –
theyareatthebeachbuti
fy ougot herenowy ouwil
l
fi
ndt hem,
”shesayswiththatsweetsmi leofhers,
I
don’tknowifsheknowsthisbutIloveher .

“Okaythanky
ou.”Iam offl
iket
hatwithoutev
en
fi
ndingoutwhois‘t
hey’butIam sur
eit'
shim and
Kwando–t hefat
herandsondayoutki ndofthing.

Iam li
ter
all
yrunningdowntot hebeach, i
thel
pst o
beapl ay
erandhav eahighstami na.I
naf ew
minutesIam atthebeach,Idon’tknowwhi chside
theyareatanditisti
met oblowmycov erandruin
thesurpr
isebecauseIhav et
ocal lhimt of indout
wheretheyar e.Icall
him andhet ellsmet heir
l
ocation,i
tlooksl i
ketheyhavejustar ri
ved.Ir un
againtotheIl ocat
ionandIguessedcor r
ect ly
becausetheyar eoffl
oadingthest ufffr
om t heboot
.
Icomet oasuddenhal fwhenIreal i
set hathei s
actual
lyi
nawheel chairt
hentherei s..
.i
st hat
Abenathi
?Whati sshedoinghere?

Iapproachthem withmyey esscanni

ngthem, Ihave
metKwandosohei snotshyorawkwar dwhenhe
seesme.Abenat hiisst
andi ngonthesideoft hecar,
l
ookingcuteindemi nshortsandapi nkvest,don’t
for
getthosebr ownsockst hatshedoesn'tseem t o
beabletowal karoundwithout.

“Younearl
ybur
iedme,
”hesay
saf
terIaskedwhat
happenedtohi
m.

“
Don'
tj
okel
i
ket
hat
,youknowIst
il
lneedy
ou.
”
“Ohy eah?Ithoughtyouwer edoingjustfinewi t
hout
me,”hechuckl esbutheisnotfunny ,Ialmostgota
heartattackwhenIreadabouthi saccident .They
saiditwasbadsoIqui cklythoughtoft hewor stand
trut
hbet ol
d,Iam gl
adhei ssti
ll
aliv
e–t here’salot
thatIam goingtoneedhimt ohelpmewi th.

Wemov ethethingscl osertot hebeach, t

heyhav ea
smallcoolerbox, abasketwhi chIt hinkhasfoodi n
andbeacht owels.Abenat hiisact ingshyIdon’ t
knowwhybecausewewer ebestf r i
endswhi leshe
wasatt hefacil
i
tyori sitbecauseSi mbongai shere?
Kwandoi sthefirstonet ogot ot hewat er
,iti
squi te
achall
enget ogetSi mbongat hrought heheav ysand
andKwandowasn’ twill
i
ngt owast ehi spreci
ous
ti
me.Wef i
nall
ygetcl oseenoughandIst and
besi
deshi m whil
eAbenat histoodont heotherside.
SheislookingatKwandopr obabl yy earni
ngt odo
whathei sdoingbutt hosesocksar enotgoi ngt o
work,nottoday.
ImovetohersideandSi
mbongai
sdi
ggi
ngf
orf
ood
i
nthatbasket
.

“Youwillhav et oremov eyoursockssowecanget

yourfeetint othewat er
,”Isayandsheshakesher
head.“Trustme, i
tf eelsamazi ngandIdon’ twant
youtomi ssoutoft hat.Doy outrustme? ”shelooks
str
aightintomyey esbutshedoesn’ tnodnorshake
herhead.“ Ifitdoesn'tfeel goodtheny oucancur se
met ohell orany t
hingwor sethant hat
,”Simbonga
l
aughswhi lemunchi ngonhi ssandwi chand
Abenathi smi l
es,wel latleastIam gettingsome
where.

Iremovehersocksandt hosenai lsneedt obecut

butwewi ll
deal withthatlater.Shedoesn' tl
ook
comf or
tabl
e,thesandi sgoi ngt hroughhertoesbut
herfaceisli
ke‘thisisthewor stthingthatcoul
d
happent oali
vingper son’.Itakeherhandandpul l
hertothewaterbef oreshecoul dt hi
nkofputti
ngher
socksback.Wer eachthewetsandandshewi shes
shehadwi ngs,Ihavenev erseenany onewi t
hso
muchf earontheirfaceforjusthavingtheirbarefeet
i
nt hesand.Thewat ercomesandwashesourf eet,
shescreamsj umpingfrom onesi detot heother.
Shewant stogetawaybutIwon’ tletherandwhen
shereali
sesthat,shecli
ngsonmyar m –Idon’ t
knowhowt ofeelaboutthatbutIam f eeli
ngallnice.

Anotherwavecomesandshei snotasdr amat i

cas
shewast hefir
stt i
mebutt her
ei sstil
laglimpseof
fearonherface.Shewi llbeokayandIwi l
lbeokayi f
shecanholdmel ikeshei sholdingontomer ight
now.“Howdoesi tfeel?”Ilookatherandshel ooks
uptome.Godsav eme, whatchangedf rom thedayI
l
astsawherbecauset hisisnotthesameper son
andthisi
snothowIf eltabouther.“Itf
eelsbet ter
thanIexpected,”shesay sandIsmi l
e,shesmi l
es
too.Il
ookatherf eetandhert oesarediggingi nto
thewetsandohwel lshehasf all
eninlovewit hit
alr
eadyandmyj obher eisdone.Il eaveherwi th
KwandoandIr unbackt oSimbonga.
“Yousti
llowemeanexplanat
ionofhowshego
here,
”Isaysi
tt
ingdown.

“Youneedt otell
mewhyy ougavehermypar ent
's
addressinsteadofherparent
'shouse.
”Ishootmy
eyestohim, howdi dhefi
ndoutaboutthat
?Iguess
ther
eisal otoftalki
ngthatweneedtodo,Ialso
heardthatNomagugui sdeadsoIwantt oknowhow
hefeelsaboutthat .

“Wewilltal
kbutther
eisonet hi
ngIwantt ot
ell
you–
youbetterkeepy
ourey esoffher
,”Ipoi
ntto
Abenathi,“
Isawherfi
rst.
”Iaddandhedi esof
l
aughter.

“
What
?”hei
sst
il
ll
aughi
ng.

“Yeahyouhadyourchancewit
honeofthe
Obennebosist
ersandnowiti
smyt ur
n,”It
ellhim,he
t
hinksIam bei
ngfunnykant
iIam not
,Iam actual
l
y
ser
ious–IknowIf
eltsomet
hing.

“Iwi
shy ounothingbutthebestanddon’ tworr
y
aboutmeIwasn' tlooki
ng.Ist
il
lhaveal otto
over
comesoar elati
onshi
pisthelastthingonmy
mind.Isawthewayy ouwerelooki
ngatherand
damny ou’
rewhipped,”hesaysandl aughs,and
whenIsaylaughImeanhei slaughi
ngr eall
yhard
andIfeelmyselfgetti
ngupsetbutIfindmy sel
f
l
aughingaswel l
.

Amomentl at
er,myheadi sonhi
slapandhi
shand
runsovermyhead.Righther
eismysafepl
ace,my
peaceandsanit
y–t heysawanenemyinhim buti
n
him If
oundabrother.

•
●THEEND●•