1.

Assertive Anger
Assertive anger is considered a constructive form of anger expression. Rather than
avoiding a conversation or being prone to outbursts of screaming or yelling,
assertive anger is used as a healthy and productive expression of frustration to
make positive change. This can look like expressing how you feel in a positive, safe
way.
For example, you might start a statement with, “I feel angry when…” or, “I think…”.
Assertive anger is combined with appropriate body language and, sometimes, pre-
set expectations about methods to resolve or process the situation. This gives you
the chance to express your anger in a way that enables positive change. 1, 2, 3, 4, 6
Practice assertiveness in safe situations. If you don’t feel regulated enough to speak
in a friendly, collaborative tone, give yourself enough time to calm down. It’s
generally better to wait than speak prematurely. Allow yourself to really feel your
anger and recognize the unmet needs coexisting beneath it. Triggers aren’t always
obvious, so reflecting inward can help you understand what your anger
is really about.
2. Behavioral Anger
Behavioral anger is a physical reaction and is common in men with anger issues.
This can be dangerous as it may be expressed through violence, potentially slipping
into destructive or displaced anger. Behavioral anger is impulsive and
unpredictable, sometimes ending with unhealthy legal or interpersonal
consequences.
Behavioral anger can present as intimidating behaviors (e.g., cornering someone or
raising your voice), throwing or shoving things, breaking things, or attacking
someone. It’s important to identify whether your anger is slipping into this area due
to potential legal or interpersonal consequences. 1, 2, 3, 4, 6
Be honest with yourself about your behavioral anger tendencies. Spend some time
identifying how and when this type of anger shows up for you. Think about other
ways you can cope if you feel yourself getting escalated. Grounding yourself is key-
you need to practice consistent emotional regulation to tame impulsive desires.
The more you can do this, the easier it feels to manage this type of anger.
3. Chronic Anger
Chronic anger is typically directed towards other people, situations, and even
yourself, which can impact self-esteem. Sometimes, it can fly under the radar while
simultaneously causing a lot of damage. Chronic anger often looks like a
continuous, low-level feeling of anger, resentment, irritability, and frustration.
Because of how you experience anger, you may have difficulty processing and
expressing your needs, which can impact your health, stress levels, and
relationships.1, 2, 4, 6
Many people aren’t even aware they’re holding chronic anger. That’s because it can
appear like sadness or low self-esteem. However, note the resentments you may
have toward yourself or others. What messages do they tell you? What would it be
like to let go of those resentments? What benefit do you have in holding onto them?
Answering these questions can help you start the initial work of unpacking your
anger.
4. Destructive Anger
Destructive anger is a significantly unhealthy experience of anger that can have
multiple negative impacts. While there is limited research on this type of anger, it’s
often seen in connection with the extreme end of behavioral anger. This may
include extreme irritability or hatred of others, even when it isn’t warranted.
Destructive anger can look like verbal or physical actions used to hurt others such
as throwing and breaking something that is important to the person you’re angry
with. In relationships, this can sometimes present as stonewalling or shutting out
your significant other emotionally. Destructive anger can impact many areas of your
life in extremely unhealthy ways, potentially destroying important social
connections.5
Destructive anger can unquestionably hurt you and your loved ones. Managing this
type of anger may require professional support and more concentrated
interventions. But if you’re just starting out, pay attention to your earliest warning
signs. You need to know your destructive anger triggers, and you must identify
other ways to manage stress. Try to focus on mitigating stress in the ways that you
can- even small steps can make a big difference.
5. Judgmental Anger
Judgmental anger is often a reaction to some perceived slight, someone else’s flaws
(if you feel they impact you), or an injustice against you or someone else.
Judgmental anger is identified in people’s core beliefs and basic perspective or
understanding of the world. This core belief is generally one of feeling like you’re
better or worse than others, leading you to judge them and become angry about
their actions or expressions.
Judgmental anger often manifests as “justified fury,” where anger arises from a
perceived injustice or personal slight. It may involve criticizing others, making
disparaging remarks, or venting frustrations about unfair situations. Over time, this
pattern can strain relationships, hinder emotional support systems, and contribute
to feelings of isolation and diminished self-worth. 1, 2, 4, 6
Try to consider how judgment is a form of self-protection. Often, we judge what we
don’t understand. Sometimes we judge because we dislike something in someone
else that represents something we either lack or want. Instead of trying to change
your judgment, try to lean into compassion. What good can you find in that other
person? What may have led them to act in the ways they do now?
6. Overwhelmed Anger
Overwhelmed anger is unpredictable and can impact your mental health over time.
This type of anger builds up, especially when you don’t find ways to express or
communicate how you feel. It may show itself when things hit a “boiling point,” or
your ability to cope with anger and stress has been overwhelmed due to certain
situations, feelings, or interactions.
Overwhelmed anger can look like a sudden snap of irritability and resentment
following a long stretch of repression. While the expression of overwhelmed anger
appears different for everyone, it will come on suddenly and may be preceded by a
stressful event.1, 2, 4, 6
Managing overwhelmed anger often requires earlier intervention. You need to
recognize what’s happening inside of you before reaching your threshold. Early
warning signs come in many forms, but they may include fatigue, irritability,
disconnect, and passive-aggression. Pay attention to these shifts and try to dial in
on more self-care. This can help prevent your anger from “spilling over.”
Manage pre-anger states
Write down a list of states that tend to exacerbate anger. You may choose for the
following list and add pre-anger states of your own:
 Stress or anxiety
 Hunger
 Running late
 Physical pain
 Sleepy
 Tiredness

Write down a list of things that you know are likely to trigger your anger. You may
choose for the following list and add triggers of your own:
 Being told no
 Driving in traffic
 Waiting in line
 Having someone disagree with you
 Being insulted
 Not having your opinions or wishes taken into account
 Observing people mistreating animals or children

How can you manage your pre-anger states and/or things that trigger your anger
better? For example, if driving in heavy traffic tends to make you angry, think of
ways you can avoid heavy traffic.
 Can you take a less congested route to work?
 Can you change your work schedule so you don’t have to drive during rush
hour?
 Can you take public transportation instead?

Distract yourself
Write down activities you can engage in to distract yourself and allow anger to
subside. Some ways to distract yourself include:
 Doing some math: Count backwards from a random large number by sevens.
For example, starting at 685 and doing the math in reverse in your head: 678,
671, 664, ….
 Doing a puzzle: Do a Sudoku, or crossword puzzle, or any other game that
requires engaging your brain.
 Naming and noticing games: Pick a letter and name all the cities you can
think of that start with that letter. If driving, call attention to people’s license
plates or name every model of car that passes by.
 Read a book or watch a funny movie
Anger is one of the most intense and challenging emotions we experience. It can
arise from feelings of injustice, frustration, or perceived threats to our well-being.
Whether anger manifests in ourselves or in others, it has the potential to create
division, escalate conflicts, and harm relationships. However, anger does not have
to control us. By utilizing compassion—specifically, compassionate reframing—we
can transform anger into an opportunity for deeper understanding, connection, and
positive change.
Understanding Anger and Its Origins
At its core, anger is a reaction to an appraisal—a mental assessment of a situation
that threatens something we value. This appraisal determines the intensity and
quality of our emotional response. However, situations themselves do not inherently
contain meaning; we assign meaning to them based on our interpretations. When
we react in anger, we often view events through a narrow lens, reinforcing negative
emotions and rigid perspectives.
Reframing is the process of consciously changing our interpretation of an event to
reduce negative emotions. People who regularly engage in cognitive reappraisal
experience lower levels of stress, depression, and anger. Compassionate reframing
takes this one step further by integrating compassion—for both ourselves and
others—into the way we interpret situations. This technique helps us move away
from hostility and resentment and toward a mindset of unity and understanding.
The Role of Compassion in Diffusing Anger
Compassion has the power to neutralize anger by softening our perspective. It
allows us to acknowledge suffering—both our own and that of others—without
immediate judgment or retaliation. By choosing to see anger as a signal of deeper
needs rather than a weapon of destruction, we can shift our reactions from
aggressive to constructive.
Consider a common scenario: You are at a restaurant, and the server has not
attended to your table for quite some time. A typical reaction might be:
"This is ridiculous! We’ve been waiting forever. The service here is terrible!"
This appraisal is rooted in frustration and a sense of entitlement. It assumes
negligence and leads to an angry emotional response.
A simple cognitive reappraisal might be:
"We’ve been waiting for a while, but at least I can enjoy this time with my friends."
This shift in thinking alleviates some frustration, but it does not necessarily foster
compassion.
A compassionate reframe might be:
"I don’t like how long this is taking, but I know serving tables is difficult. Maybe
they’re short-staffed tonight. At least I can enjoy my time with friends."
This approach acknowledges personal discomfort while also extending
understanding to the server. It prevents anger from escalating and creates an
opportunity to act with patience and kindness.
Applying Compassionate Reframing to Angry People
When dealing with someone else's anger, compassionate reframing can help us de-
escalate conflict and engage with the person in a meaningful way. Rather than
reacting defensively or dismissively, we can ask ourselves:
 What might be causing their anger?
 Are they experiencing stress, fear, or unmet needs?
 How can I respond in a way that acknowledges their emotions without fueling
hostility?
For example, if a colleague lashes out at you for an oversight, an instinctive reaction
might be to defend yourself or argue back. However, a compassionate reframe
might be:
"They’re obviously upset, but perhaps this mistake added to their already
overwhelming workload. I can acknowledge their frustration without taking their
words personally."
This approach maintains personal boundaries while also fostering understanding,
reducing the likelihood of an escalating argument.
Practicing Compassionate Reframing
If you struggle with anger—whether within yourself or in dealing with others—try
this compassionate reframing exercise:
1. Identify your initial interpretation of the situation. What story are you telling
yourself?
2. Examine your assumptions. Are they harsh, critical, or one-sided?
3. Determine which of your core needs (security, esteem, autonomy, integrity)
have been triggered.
4. Consider alternative explanations for the situation.
5. Acknowledge your own emotions with kindness rather than self-judgment.
6. Extend compassion to the other person by recognizing their possible
struggles.
7. Create a new, more compassionate narrative.

Guided Meditation for Anger (Approx. 8–10 minutes)

[Begin]
Sit or lie down in a quiet space. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in… and slowly
exhale.
Let your body settle. Let your shoulders drop. Let your hands rest softly.
Now, breathe in again… gently… and breathe out.
Allow your breath to anchor you.
There is nothing to fix in this moment. Nothing to resist. Just being here. Now.
Bring your awareness to the feeling of anger.
You don’t have to judge it.
You don’t have to push it away.
Simply notice where it lives in your body.
Is it tight in the chest?
Hot in the face?
A clenched jaw?
A knot in your stomach?
Gently, breathe into that space.
Imagine sending your breath right there…
Softly… with compassion…
Not to get rid of the anger, but to make room for it.
To say: "I see you. I’m listening."
Anger is not wrong.
It is a messenger.
What is it trying to protect?
What is it asking you to notice?
Sit with that question.
You don’t need an answer right now. Just space.
Space for the emotion to move through, not take over.
Now, imagine the anger like a wave.
It rises… peaks… and slowly begins to fall.
With each breath out, feel it recede.
You are not your anger.
You are the sky.
The anger is just a passing cloud.
Bring your attention back to your breath.
In… and out.
Calm… and steady.
Feel your feet.
Feel your hands.
Feel the ground supporting you.
When you’re ready, take a final deep breath in… and let it go.
Gently open your eyes.
You are here.
You are calm.
You are in control.