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252 views38 pagesAvoiding A Breakup
This document provides advice on building secure relationships and avoiding breakups. It emphasizes getting to know someone over time through friendship, in varied settings, and within a support network. Progressing slowly through different stages of a relationship—satisfying thirst for love through friendship first before commitment and intimacy. Important questions to consider are whether a partner helps with one's spiritual growth and if the relationship will increase usefulness. Relationships should avoid flirtation, isolation, and moving too quickly. Seeing God's will through prayer is crucial for deciding when to continue or end a relationship.
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0% found this document useful (0 votes)
252 views38 pagesAvoiding A Breakup
This document provides advice on building secure relationships and avoiding breakups. It emphasizes getting to know someone over time through friendship, in varied settings, and within a support network. Progressing slowly through different stages of a relationship—satisfying thirst for love through friendship first before commitment and intimacy. Important questions to consider are whether a partner helps with one's spiritual growth and if the relationship will increase usefulness. Relationships should avoid flirtation, isolation, and moving too quickly. Seeing God's will through prayer is crucial for deciding when to continue or end a relationship.
Uploaded by
Julienne Sanchez-SalazarCopyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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How to avoid
a breakup
How to win a loser, or win a
winner
THE DAY IT ALL WENT WRONG
What was the problem?
Was
it that she wasnt the one?
Was it her personality?
No, the problem was that I was immature!
What makes marriages
succeed?
Clearly,
its not a lack of communication
skills.
Rather, John Gottman suggests, its the
attitude with which we approach
communication.
5 minutes to determine
Your next 5 years
How
do conversations start?
The four horsemen of the apocalypse
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Flooding
Failure
to stop an argument out of control
The Real Problem with Fights
James
4:1-3
The Problem is SELFISHNESS!
But what about dating
couples?
Ted
Huston studied couples who were dating
(168 of them) and traced them from their
wedding day through 13 years of marriage.
Couples who begin marriage in romantic bliss
are particularly divorce-prone because such
intensity is too hard to maintain.
It is the loss of love and affection, not the
emergence of interpersonal issues, that sends
couples journeying toward divorce.
The first two years are critical
The
two years are key- thats when the
risk of divorce is particularly high. And the
changes that take place during this time
tell us a lot about where the marriage is
headed.
Loss of initial levels of love and affection
This leads to bickering and fighting, and to
the collapse of the union.
Disillusionment leads to divorce.
The Dating Trap
Thirst for Love
Intimacy
Commitment
Knowledge
Insecure Relationship 101
Flirt.
Insecure Relationship 101
Flirt.
Choose
based on attractiveness.
Insecure Relationship 101
Flirt.
Choose
based on attractiveness.
Initiate relationship quickly.
Insecure Relationship 101
Flirt.
Choose
based on attractiveness.
Initiate relationship quickly.
Isolate yourselves.
Insecure Relationship 101
Flirt.
Choose
based on attractiveness.
Initiate relationship quickly.
Isolate yourselves.
Progress as fast as you feel comfortable.
Insecure Relationship 101
Flirt.
Choose
based on attractiveness.
Initiate relationship quickly.
Isolate yourselves.
Progress as fast as you feel comfortable.
Ignore danger signs.
Insecure Relationship 101
Flirt.
Choose
based on attractiveness.
Initiate relationship quickly.
Isolate yourselves.
Progress as fast as you feel comfortable.
Ignore danger signs.
Make each other first priority.
The First Breakup
No Cinderellas
Researchers
tracked more than 24,000 people
from 1984 to 1995, asking participants every
year to rate their overall life satisfaction from
zero (totally unhappy) to 10 (totally happy)
The average boost from marriage was small
one-tenth of one point on the scale
"People who get married and stay married are
more satisfied than average long before the
marriage has occurred.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
March 2003
The Courtship Process
Satisfy Your
Thirst
Build
Knowledge
Grow in
Commitment
Grow in
Intimacy
Haste Makes Waste
Immaturity
is characterized by the inability to
wait
If youre going to be together the rest of your
life, another month doesnt matter
The more you do your homework, the less you
risk heartache or mistake
Make haste slowly.
Adventist Home, p. 44
Secure Relationship 101
Be
genuine, not flirtatious.
To trifle with hearts is a crime of no small
magnitude in the sight of a holy God. And
yet some will show preference for young
ladies and call out their affections, and
then go their way and forget all about the
words they have spoken and their effect.
A new face attracts them, and they
repeat the same words, devote to
another the same attentions. Adventist
Home, p. 57
Secure Relationship 101
Be
genuine, not flirtatious.
Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
friendships.
Secure Relationship 101
Be
genuine, not flirtatious.
Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
friendships.
Get to know one another in a wide variety
of settings.
Questions to Ask
Is
this person a lot like Jesus?
Is this person a lot like you?
Spiritually
Socially
Intellectually
Habitually
(leisure time, etc.)
Secure Relationship 101
Be
genuine, not flirtatious.
Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
friendships.
Get to know one another in a wide
variety of settings.
Dont rely on your own wisdom
While pure love will take God into all its
plans, and will be in perfect harmony
with the Spirit of God, passion will be
headstrong, rash, unreasonable, defiant
of all restraint, and will make the object
of its choice an idol. Adventist Home, p. 50
Worshipping Your Idol
Secure Relationship 101
Be
genuine, not flirtatious.
Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
friendships.
Get to know one another in a wide
variety of settings.
Build within a network.
Progress prayerfully.
Relationships and Prayer
How
are you praying?
When do you proceed and when do you
break up?
The Questions to Ask
Examine carefully to see if your married life
would be happy or inharmonious and
wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will
this union help me heavenward? Will it
increase my love for God? And will it
enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life? If
these reflections present no drawback, then
in the fear of God move forward.
Adventist Home, pg 45; White
Secure Relationship 101
Be
genuine, not flirtatious.
Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
friendships.
Get to know one another in a wide
variety of settings.
Build within a network.
Progress prayerfully.
Watch for danger signs.
What women need
When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love
me still? Will he be patient with my mistakes, or
will he be critical, overbearing, and dictatorial?...
Let a young woman accept as a life companion
only one who possesses pure, manly traits of
character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and
honest, one who loves and fears God. Shun
those who are irreverent. Shun one who is a lover
of idleness; shun the one who is a scoffer of
hallowed things.
Make a Covenant
We choose to avoid other romantic
attachments until we are sure of the will of
God for our relationship. If after prayerful
consideration and counsel, either of us
believes God is not leading us together, he/
she will be free to share the reasons why in
honesty and to terminate this relationship
without guilt. (Parker-Crosier Covenant,
September 2000)
Secure Relationship 101
Be
genuine, not flirtatious.
Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
friendships.
Get to know one another in a wide
variety of settings.
Build within a network.
Progress prayerfully.
Watch for danger signs.
Seek Gods Will as You Move Forward
