TOPIC: MANAGING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION (How do you manage
Interpersonal communication).
Close relationships bring enormous benefits. In joining any relationship, the two individuals,
each one of them would take on duties and responsibilities that can leave them overwhelmed.
Some authors, including Nesle Backster and William Rollins have written about the tensions that
individuals face as they struggle to balance the demands of a relationship and their own personal
needs.
Basically individuals must face three (3) sets of tensions as they decide how much of themselves
to invest in any relationship. These tensions are categorized as;
1. The Expressive-protective.
2. The Autonomy-togetherness.
3. The Novelty-predictability.
1. The Expressive Protective:
The expressive protective dialectic involves finding a balance between the need to
share personal information and the need to maintain privacy. That is, at a point in a
relationship we have self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is a risk, we have the tendency to
do it at a cost and the cost is that it is a risk. Because depending on the intention and
the motive of the other person, you don’t know how far that information can go. You
would have to come to terms with self-disclosure. The voluntary form is based on
your own volition release while the involuntary form is when questions are asked and
you have to answer. Self-disclosure is very important and it is a basic interpersonal
skill for you to be able to manage your self-disclosure.
2. The Autonomy Togetherness:
The autonomy togetherness dialectic, that is, friends and couples decide how
interdependent they want to be. It is critical that each individual is considerate. Both
individuals have to contribute so as to ensure that it’s not only one person that keeps
giving and the other keeps receiving because this can lead to a strain in the
relationship.
3. The Novelty Predictability Dialectic:
The novelty predictability dialectics falls into patterns. That is, it is the developed
ways of behaving to satisfy each other’s needs.
In solving the tension in interpersonal relationship we have;
Familiar patterns; these are the regular lifestyle that are repeated in a relationship.
This type of patterns can bring stability to the relationship because the relationship
becomes predictable.
Unfamiliar patterns; these are new behavior’s that comes up in a relationship.
Wilmot discusses three ways in which people or couples in interpersonal relationships
can resolve their tensions;
1. Dialectical Emphasis: That is when you ignore the unfamiliar side of the person
you’re in a relationship with so that you don’t get out of the relationship. It’s
having tolerance, long-suffering and being accommodating.
2. Pseudo synthesis: “Pseudo” means false and “synthesis” means togetherness.
Therefore, pseudo synthesis means false togetherness. It is simply being able to
manage each other’s differences in a relationship in such a way that both
individuals are satisfied and happy.
3. Re-affirmation: This is knowing each other’s differences and also trying each
other’s ideas so that you can both reach a point of compromise
Some of the tensions in interpersonal relationship is the issue of dominance. Dominance should
not be the keyword in any relationship because it can destroy the relationship.
If one partner being domineering in a relationship is unacceptable, what then is acceptable? What
is acceptable is a complementary pattern of lifestyle. It is important to look for ways in which
you can complement one another. There’s also what we call submissive symmetry. Submissive
symmetry is a situation where both parties struggle to relinquish control or power. That is both
partners are submissive to each other.
Whenever we interact with a relational partner, we open up to rejection especially at the
beginning of the relationship. There are ways we can know if we are accepted or rejected by the
other person. That is if the other person is interested in having a relationship with you or not.
There are ways through which we can determine if we’re confirmed or disconfirmed. It can be
done through the responses of the person verbally and it can be done none verbally. Some of
these ways include;
1. Impervious; that is when the other person fails to acknowledge what you are saying or
your actions.
2. Interrupting; that is when the other person keeps on interrupting you when you sharing
your ideas or experience. It shows that the person doesn’t consider what you’re saying to
be important to them.
3. Irrelevant; this is when the person dismisses your opinions.
4. Tangential; this is when the other person is not showing any interest in what you have to
say.
5. Impersonal; the person doesn’t care about what is happening to you.
6. Incoherent; this is when the other person’s response to your feelings or talks is not clear
enough and you don’t understand what he/she is trying to say.
7. Incongruous; that is verbal and non-verbal messages that are contradictory.
There are other ways in which we communicate and raise tensions in interpersonal relationship
and communication. They are called Paradoxical messages, that is having two statements that
are not in sync. Combining two opposites in one sentence or statement. The receiver is usually
put in a very awkward situation.
