C.A.L.
M
DIFFUSE TRIGGER TOOL
towards joy
Welcome
Hi, are you feeling:
-Easily triggered emotionally
-Easily caught in a cycle of negativity
-Not confident to take risks, with a strong inner critic
If so, you have come to the right place.
When we were triggered, we may have said things that we regret
saying and did not really mean it.
Not all triggers are explosive or result in anger. Some triggers are
subtle and play in the background, resulting in cycles of insecurity,
anxiety, doubt or fear. It would distract us, drain our energy or even
hold us back from living our best life.
Without understanding or managing
triggers in a skillful way, we are
jeopardizing our relationship with self
and with others.
towards joy
Purpose of
this guide
Having conducted mindfulness training for
more than 600 people, coached clients in
developing emotional health to thrive with
more calm and confidence, I believe that
CHANGE IS POSSIBLE
Instead of reacting to triggers and being
caught in a cycle of negativity, we can learn
to respond skillfully, inviting more calmness
& better relationships into your life. This is the
purpose of this guide, and my gift to you.
THERE ARE 3 PARTS TO THIS GUIDE:
- Reflection: Gaining clarity on your triggers
- C.A.L.M: Learn to respond instead of react to a trigger*
- Inviting Compassion: Learn to hold difficult emotions*
*audio track available
"In what used to be a chaotic mess, I am much calmer and
more composed in managing stress and situations now. Even
if I’m upset, I’m able to not drown in my own negativity. As a
result, I am able to take a step back, reflect, and move on
positively in my life." - Dolores
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Reflection
We don’t pause enough to reflect what triggers us.
We “move on” after the situation calmed down.
Then, the next trigger hits and we react in a certain way again.
LET'S PAUSE & REFLECT:
I strongly recommend that you take a pen and paper to write down your reflection for
these questions. Write freely, you may be surprised by what you discover
1. Who or What situation triggers me most?
eg: My husband, when he's late
2. When I am triggered, how do I feel?
eg: I feel frustrated and angry, feeling that I am not important to him
3. What is the intensity of this feeling? (Scale 1-10)
eg: Intensity is 7
4. How do you usually react to this trigger?
eg: I would make very snarky and sarcastic remarks,
often escalating to a bigger fight
5. Why is it important for me to manage
my response towards this trigger?
eg: I love him dearly. I do not want this to affect our
relationship and regret later.
You may have more than one emotional
trigger. Feel free to go through this exercise
for other triggers.
With awareness, you have taken the very
first step towards skilfully responding to
your triggers.
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C.A.L.M
Do this practice to learn how to respond instead of react to triggers.
AUDIO TRACK FOR PRACTICE HERE
You may do this practice on a past triggering event and learn how to apply this
when you are triggered next time.
CONNECT WITHIN
-Take a pause. Whatever you’re going to do, or say, just pause.
-Now, take a deep breath to connect within.
-As you exhale, relax any tension that you notice in your body.
-You may take as many deep breath as you like to connect within here.
Sometimes, even 1 deep breath helps.
ALLOW
-With more space within, allow yourself to feel your emotion in the body.
-As you notice your emotion, Name the emotion internally:
“I am feeling ___________”
-See the emotion and allow the emotion to be there
LISTEN
-Then, listen inwards. Listen to the thoughts that are going through
your head, the stories in your mind.
-You can pause and ask “Are these stories absolutely true?” “Are these
stories serving me now?”
MOVE
-From this perspective, ask yourself: "What is most important here?"
-"How might I create the best possible outcome?"
-Then, move forward to respond with your choice of action.
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Inviting
Compassion
Sometimes, we feel frustrated about our
emotions. We try to suppress or get over it with
no success, and we feel even more frustrated.
Now, we are not only anxious or angry, we also
have guilt and frustration. A vicious cycle.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE STUCK IN THIS CYCLE
Instead of pushing it away, you can invite
compassion towards these feelings. It's a great
way to create inner space and help us accept
ourselves instead of going down the negative
spiral, inviting more calm & confidence.
MICRO-PRACTICE: INVITING COMPASSION
AUDIO TRACK FOR PRACTICE HERE
You may do this short practice whenever you are
feeling overwhelming emotions, anytime, anywhere.
Take a few deep breaths to connect within
Notice the emotion that is present within you
right now, feel the sensation within your body
Once you notice the emotion, you may say to it,
"I see you, I care for you.. I see you, I care for you"
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Dive Deeper
The practices you’ve just experienced are
part of my framework for emotional health
coaching – the 3Es for Emotional Health
(Explore, Embrace & Embody).
Emotional Health sets you free
If you want to do deeper inquiry, I’d love to
invite you to have a coaching breakthrough
session with me. It will help you gain clarity
on the challenges that are holding you back,
gain clarity on the life you truly want, and
develop a roadmap towards achieving that.
You may apply for the free coaching
breakthrough session here. I only offer 3
sessions a month so I hope to see you there!
"“Investing in this coaching program is one of the best life decisions
I’ve made because I have achieved liberation, empowerment & self-
confidence. I discovered & made peaceful closure with passions, flaws,
self-guilt & the past that was greatly holding me back to advance
forward. I allowed myself to take risks and achieved outcomes much
better than expected under TJ’s coaching."
- Ong. E
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Mission
My mission is to help women in corporate develop
emotional health so that they can overcome
overwhelming emotions & self-doubt to thrive
with joy and confidence. In return, they feel
empowered to live their best life and pursue their
dreams.
Having struggled with my own negative emotions,
insecurity, and doubt for many years, I learned to
TJ LEW cultivate skillful ways in understanding and
Instagram . Facebook . LinkedIn managing my emotions. With this knowledge and
skills, I am able to navigate my career, life, and
relationships with much more ease.
Achieving results externally is great. Doing so
while having inner confidence and joy is priceless.
Now, I help others do the same through my
bespoke 1-1 coaching program.
towards joy
