THE PASSION BOOSTER

A Simple Guide
to Loving
Relationships
Barrie Davenport
© 2011 Barrie Davenport / Bloom Life and Career Coaching. All rights reserved worldwide.

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 Contents
Love: The Agony and The Ecstasy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

100 Ways To Show Your Love (For Men). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6

100 Ways To Show Your Love (For Women) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

Want An Amazing, Intimate Relationship? Ask These Questions. . . . . . . 20

36 Ways To Be Irresistibly Attractive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

Are You Lovable? Ten Actions to Be More Appealing . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29

Improve Your Sex Life With A Healthy Brain. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

Embrace Your Inner Adult . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37

25 Ways To Shake Up Your Weekend . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

Remembering First Love and the Lessons Learned. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47

On Finding Your Own Path Down the Side of a Mountain. . . . . . . . . . . 52

A Burst of Strategies for a Loving Heart. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55

A Simple Guide To Imperfection . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59

Just WHAT is Love? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61

About Barrie Davenport . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65

Love: The Agony and The Ecstasy

“Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;

Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes;
Being vex’d a sea nourish’d with lovers’ tears:
What is it else? a madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet.”
~from Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

L ook at the photo of these incredibly powerful, beautiful dancers from

the ballet Romeo and Juliet. Are they in agony or ecstasy? Or both?
We know the story of these star-crossed lovers. They are passionate soul
mates whose circumstanc-
es pull them apart and lead
them to untimely death.

But isn’t that the way with

love? On the one hand, it is
exquisite, thrilling, raptur-
ous, lovely, fulfilling, and
passionate. And then that
same love can leave you
wounded, fearful, angry,
confused, and depressed. What gives with love? We all want it, but boy
can it turn us inside out. Even when love gets older and cozy and predict-
able, suddenly the love rug can be pulled out from under us, and all we
can see is that creep who leaves the toilet seat up or the raging Tasmanian
she-devil who steals the remote.

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Love has so many obstacles, but we still go after it with dogged determina-
tion. Why? Because it is a noble pursuit. I think we long for love, strive for
love, because it reveals our greatest good. It shows us the depth of our ca-
pacity to feel and the measure of our ability to give. It can bruise us, batter
us, and reshape us, but we will still knock down doors and leap through
fire to find it.

I suppose it’s that way with everything—that there are two sides to the
coin. Without black there’d be no white; without sorrow there’s no hap-
piness; and without pain, there can be no love. Just as love brings out
our greatest good, it also reveals our deepest hurts and most deplorable
behavior. However, the unique blessing of love is its remarkable healing
powers. It brings out our best, and it brings out our worst. But like a sheep-
ish, steadfast puppy, love creeps back in and licks you on the face when
you are least expecting it. Unless the wounds are too deep or the walls too
high, we almost always welcome love back with open arms.

This Valentine’s Day, whether you are single or with someone, my wish
for you is to welcome love in your life. Yes, pain is inevitable. But healing
and growth are inevitable too if you keep your heart open.

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 100 Ways To Show Your Love
(For Men)

“Compliment what she does. Send her roses just

because. If it’s violins she loves, let them play.
Dedicate her favorite song, and hold her closer all
night long. Love her today. Find one hundred ways.”
~from the song One Hundred Ways by Quincy Jones

I t’s that time of year again, when the greeting card companies remind
us that we need to let our beloved know how much we love them by
giving them a singing card and a box of chocolates. If you’re like me, you
don’t like being manipulated into purchasing someone else’s words to ex-
press your feelings. But a gen-
tle reminder to actually share
those feelings, not only in
words but in deeds, is not such
a bad thing.

A good and loving relationship

is like a prized garden. If you
want the flowers to grow and
bloom, you must carefully tend
the garden every day. You must place it in a sunny spot, water it daily,
keep away predators, and pull the weeds. Even plants thrive with loving
words and appreciation. Your relationship needs and deserves your atten-
tion every single day.

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If you are a man over the age of 25, you’ve probably learned that wom-
en like expressions of your love—beyond just saying those three magic
words. As Quincy Jones writes in his beautiful love song, “Love her today,
find one hundred ways.”

If you need some inspiration or ideas for showing your beloved

how much you care, here are 100 ways to express your love to
her.

1. Ask her directly what makes her happy. Listen, remember those things,
and give them to her regularly without being asked.

2. Tell her she is beautiful and always will be in your eyes. Do this often.

3. Write a love note and leave it on her pillow.

4. If she’s a mother, remind her what a wonderful parent she is and how
much you appreciate that.

5. Sit next to her when you are watching tv. Put your arm around her or
hold her hand. Let her hold the remote.

6. Buy her some sexy lingerie, a bottle of champagne, and hire a babysit-
ter to take the kids out for the evening if necessary.

7. Read out loud to her at night in bed from a book you both enjoy.

8. Handle one of her daily chores for her without being asked.

9. Listen when she needs to talk without offering solutions.

10. Plan a weekend getaway to a romantic destination and handle all of

the details including childcare.

11. Learn and apply healthy and mature relationship behaviors, especially
when the going gets rough.

12. Bring her coffee or tea in bed in the morning.

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13. Contact one of her best friends from out-of-town and arrange to have
her visit for a weekend as a surprise.

14. Clean the house before the best friend arrives.

15. Talk about how wonderful and beautiful she is in front of her and a
group of other people. Always speak highly of her in front of others.

16. Brush her hair.

17. Get tickets for the two of you to go to a show she will love, even though
it might not be your favorite.

18. Slow dance with her at home for no reason.

19. Stop what you are doing if she needs to speak with you and give her
your attention—or ask her to wait until you can give her your full atten-
tion.

20. East breakfast with her.

21. Ask her about the details of her day, her work, even some of the boring
minutia.

22. Show genuine pride in even the smallest accomplishments.

23. Be silly with her. Find ways to make her laugh with you.

24. Solicit her input and ideas, even in areas that aren’t her expertise. In-
clude her in decisions.

25. Ask her what she likes in bed and give it to her.

26. Tell her what you like in bed and ask her for it.

27. Show real intimacy and connection in bed through loving words, ten-
derness, and touch.

28. Be respectful to her parents and kind to her siblings.

29. Give her a back rub or foot rub without being asked.

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30. If you have children, be a kind, loving, and active father.

31. If you are going to be late, call.

32. Take a bath or shower with her.

33. If she is sad, scared or insecure, hold her and tell her it will be OK and
that you have faith in her.

34. Be an old-fashioned gentleman. Hold the door. Help her with her coat.
Offer your seat.

35. Stay in shape. Take care of yourself.

36. Find a balance with your work and home life. Don’t let work take pre-
cedence over your relationships.

37. Go parking.

38. Take her for a long walk and just talk.

39. Create a scrapbook of photos and memento’s of your favorite occa-

sions with her.

40. Take her to a photo booth and make crazy faces for the camera.

41. Go to an amusement park and ride a roller coaster together.

42. Find a secluded place where you can go skinny dipping.

43. Don’t sit and watch sports all day every Saturday. Turn of the TV and
go do something fun with her.

44. Suggest enrolling in a fun class together—ballroom dancing, pottery,

golf or tennis lessons.

45. Be patient when you are teaching her something new that she doesn’t
understand.

46. Baked some cookies and bring her one fresh from the over with a glass
of milk.

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47. Take the initiative to invite friends over for dinner, and help prepare
it and clean up after it.

48. Go for a his and her massage.

49. Rent an erotic video and watch it with her.

50. Manage your own stress so that your worries don’t impact your rela-
tionship. Figure out how to do this before you get overwhelmed.

51. Get up early with the kids and let her sleep in.

52. Make up the bed a few times a week.

53. Develop good male friendships and encourage her to spend time with
her friends.

54. Don’t stonewall. Speak honestly and reveal yourself to her.

55. Apologize when you should.

56. Exercise together.

57. Invite her to create mutual goals and a vision for your life together.

58. Have a passion. It makes you more attractive.

59. Don’t flirt with other women, especially in front of her.

60. Allow her to do it her way, even if you think your way is better.

61. Write her a song and sing it to her.

62. Buy her something she admired in a store and surprise her with it.

63. Wrap it.

64. If you need her to stop doing something or to do something differ-

ently, ask her kindly without put-downs.

65. Have a dream together—for a great vacation, a new home, whatever.

Plan and work toward it together.

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66. Don’t make big purchases without consulting her.

67. Bring her a single red rose.

68. Put together a CD of her favorite songs to listen to in the car.

69. Get her car washed for her.

70. Reminisce with her about wonderful events and occasions from your
past.

71. Be willing to try new things that she suggests.

72. Suggest new things yourself.

73. Invite her to a baseball or football game with you.

74. Remember her birthday, your anniversary, and Mother’s Day and do
something special for her, even if it’s small.

75. Write down 100 reasons you love her and send it through the mail.

76. Paint her toenails.

77. Surprise her with a real adventure—a hot air balloon ride, a white wa-
ter rafting trip, a snorkeling trip.

78. Go to a museum or art gallery with her.

79. Be creative with your sex life. Try something new, in a new place, at a
different time.

80. Buy her a pair of beautiful dressy shoes.

81. Take her to a champagne brunch.

82. Say yes when you’d rather say no.

83. Learn to manage your anger if you have a problem.

84. Be appropriately generous with your friends and family. Pick up lunch
or dinner on occasion.

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85. Dress nicely. Pay attention to your appearance and hygiene.

86. Light candles.

87. Be the first to make up.

88. Put the lid down.

89. Turn off the tv and play some great music instead.

90. Call her once or twice a day just to say you are thinking about her.

91. Show interest in her ideas and interests.

92. Let it go sometimes. It’s probably not worth fighting about.

93. Have a beautiful photo taken of the kids or the two of you and give it
to her framed.

94. Buy her a book by an author she loves.

95. Hold her hand in the movies and when you walk to and from the car.

96. On road trips, stop the car as soon as possible if she needs to go.

97. Initiate real communication and sharing with her regularly.

98. Be willing to be vulnerable with her.

99. Smile at her when you see her, the way you did when you first met.

100. Show her you love her in some small way every single day.

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 100 Ways To Show Your Love
(For Women)

“Oh, men don’t notice what they got. Oh, women

think of that a lot. A thousand ways to please your
man (oh-ho). Not even one requires a plan.”
~from the song You Only Live Once by The Strokes

T here might be a thousand ways to please your man that don’t re-
quire a plan. But in the light of day, thoughtful and loving planning
will help your relation-
ship flourish and bloom.
An amazing relationship
doesn’t just happen. It
needs your full attention.

If you are passive about

tending to the garden of
your love with your guy,
weeds are going to grow
in the form of bitterness, boredom, and resentment. Have a plan—take
the time to understand what your beloved needs and wants. Know what
makes him happy and work to create more of that in your life.

This Valentine’s Day, and every day after, come up with a plan. Have your
gardening tools handy and your watering can full.

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If you need some inspiration, here are 100 ways to show your
guy how much you love him.

1. Ask him directly what makes him happy. Listen, remember those things,
and give them to him regularly without being asked.

2. Use loving words of acknowledgment and appreciation every day. Let

your guy know how much you respect and admire him. Men would rather
feel unloved than inadequate.

3. Be lighthearted, sociable, and quick to laugh. Share your sense of hu-

mor and a sense of fun with your man.

4. Show him you care about him by caring for yourself. Keep fit and ac-
tive, and take pride in your appearance.

5. Offer him the night off to go hang with his friends or suggest a guy’s
weekend away.

6. If he has a hobby, learn about it and show interest. Give him the time
and space to pursue the hobby regularly.

7. Focus more on what he is doing right and less on what he is doing

wrong.

8. Arrange a special date night with him that is fun and light. Surprise
him with something unexpected. Leave problems and worries at home.

9. If he needs time to unwind at the end of a work day, give him 30 min-
utes to decompress and be alone.

10. Let him control the remote frequently.

11. Don’t over commit yourself with childcare or work responsibilities.

Leave time every day to spend one-on-one with him.

12. Arrange activities or pursuits that you can do together that you know

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he would like—tennis, biking, golf, sports outings, or whatever he enjoys
doing.

13. Cook his favorite meal and have it ready when he comes home.

14. Instigate something new, different, and exciting in bed.

15. Send him an email or text at work just to tell him that you love him and
can’t wait to see him.

16. Talk lovingly and respectfully about him in front of friends and family.
Never disparage him in front of others, especially your children.

17. Write him a love note telling him all of the things you admire about
him and leave it in his car.

18. Send him a sexy care package with some skimpy lingerie (for you), a
spicy video, bubble bath, champagne, and a special invitation for a night
together.

19. Arrange a weekend getaway to the mountains or beach for just the two
of you.

20. Get up early and bring him breakfast or coffee in bed.

21. Invite him to talk with you about what is bothering him, stressing him,
or making him feel down, and just listen without trying to fix it. Remind
him that you have faith in him and his abilities.

22. If he’s a dad, tell him what a great father he is.

23. Sit with him watching TV or a movie and just “be” without talking.

24. Share your own feelings with him, but use an economy of words. Men
sometimes feel flooded with too many words.

25. Scratch his back or rub his neck without having to be asked.

26. Communicate in healthy and productive ways, without sarcasm, criti-

cism, or guilt trips.

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27. Suggest that you create mutual goals for your relationship, family, fi-
nances, and future. Bond together by spending time working on this.

28. Ask for his input even if you don’t always need it.

29. Meet him at work for a surprise lunch or drink at the end of the day.

30. Be kind and gracious to his parents and family.

31. Make out with him in the car with a few lingering kisses.

32. Surprise him with a new gadget that you know he would like.

33. Before you throw away any of his papers or miscellaneous stuff, check
with him.

34. Let him dream about a different career, a new hobby, a big project, a
new car, or a fabulous trip, even if you know it’s not possible now. Indulge
in the fantasy with him without bursting the bubble.

35. Accept that your way isn’t the only way, and he can achieve the desired
results even if he approaches it differently.

36. Let him figure out the directions without having to stop and ask.

37. Save him the last piece of dessert.

38. Offer to handle one of his man chores just to give him a break.

39. Frequently tell him he looks handsome.

40. Make a private, suggestive comment to him at a group gathering to

create anticipation and set the stage for later in the evening.

41. Be kind, even when you want to throw out a barb.

42. Don’t undermine him in front of the children.

44. Hide funny and loving notes around the house where he will find them.

45. Reminisce with him about wonderful times you had together.

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46. Bake him a homemade birthday cake.

47. Allow him to be grumpy on occasion and give him some space.

48. Ask him directly for what you need. Be clear and specific.

49. Send him a sexy picture of you (in a way that won’t go viral).

50. Every day, tell him something you love about him.

51. Let him “overhear” you praise him to others.

52. Don’t use his weaknesses against him or as a way to manipulate him.

53. Respond to him sexually on occasions when you aren’t in the mood.
(You might get in the mood!)

54. Remember little acts of thoughtfulness. Make him lunch when you
make yours. Take his clothes to the laundry. Leave an umbrella in his car
on a rainy day.

55. Don’t be his mother. Treat him like an adult even if his habits or be-
haviors seem to need “correcting.”

56. Let him have a man cave. Encourage him to have a space in your home
that is all his own.

57. Send him balloons or flowers at work so everyone will know how much
you love him.

58. Show interest in his work and ask him questions.

59. Buy a bottle of wine or champagne to enjoy while sitting outside to-
gether under the stars.

60. Arrange a get-together with his friends for a football or baseball game
on TV, and prepare great food for the group.

61. Tell him you are sorry when it was your fault and sometimes when it
wasn’t.

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62. Set up a tent in your yard and sleep outside together under the stars.

63. Watch a really funny video together.

64. Buy tickets to a concert by his favorite band or group.

65. Don’t dash his dreams.

66. Ask him what he wants sexually and give it to him.

67. Be real with him. Don’t play games or be stubborn out of pride.

68. Show him tenderness. He may not say he wants it, but he does.

69. Be his number one fan.

70. Buy him some sexy boxers or briefs.

71. Stick out your tongue at him to had levity to a fight.

72. Don’t say anything hurtful before bed or before he leaves for the day.

73. Ask for his advice.

74. Don’t talk about your past loves in front of him.

75. Don’t compare him to other men.

76. Play a board game or cards with him.

77. Ask him about his family traditions and incorporate some of them into
your life together.

78. Be spontaneous.

79. Make a big deal about his birthday.

80. Suggest going for a test drive in an expensive sports car on a Saturday
afternoon.

81. Buy his favorite flavor of ice cream.

82. Tell him he is sexy.

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83. Let go of 90% of the irritations. You won’t remember them in a year.

84. Be playful with him.

85. Accept him as he is—don’t try to fix or change him.

86. Dress up occasionally just to wow him.

87. Make him a scrapbook of family photos.

88. Learn his personality type and try to understand what motivates and
inspires him.

89. Give him time alone with your kids.

90. Try to go to bed at the same time he does, at least occasionally, so you
can talk before you fall asleep.

91. Secretly let his friends know about his birthday, a promotion, or other
special event so that they can send him a flood of texts or emails.

92. Make him his favorite meal from childhood.

93. Be self confident and happy with your own life.

94. Never use sex as a weapon.

95. Show him affection and attention, but don’t smother him.

96. Be self-sufficient and independent enough that he knows you can take
care of yourself.

97. Don’t share your personal argument with his family members or yours.

98. Men are visual, so allow him to look as long as he doesn’t touch.

99. Be honest.

100. Show him you love him in some small way every day.

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 Want An Amazing, Intimate
Relationship? Ask These
Questions

“Men and women belong to different species and

communication between them is still in its infancy.”
~Bill Cosby

A ll problems in relationships boil down to one thing: lack of com-

munication. Whether our concerns relate to money, sex, kids, af-
fection, career or any of the various reasons we fight or get angry, when
we don’t communicate
our needs and discuss
our differences, things
will inevitably break
down. You’ve been
there. So have I.

We are turf-oriented
creatures, even with
our most intimate re-
lationships. We want
to protect what’s ours —emotionally, psychologically, and physically—of-
ten at the expense of those we love most. Good and close relationships
require letting go of some of that turf, compromising, and accepting that
the other person’s needs and feelings are as valid as our own.

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Simply living in the same space with another person provides plenty of
fodder for arguments. When you are first in love, the boxers left on the
floor are just adorable. The heat turned up to 80 is a darling idea. But
eventually, familiarity breeds, if not contempt, plenty of irritation. Add to
that the stresses of children, finances, and career—along with the real dif-
ferences in the way men and women perceive the world, and it’s a wonder
any of us make it through the first few years of a relationship.

We have to talk about what’s bugging us, what we want from

the other, our dreams and disappointments. And we have to lis-
ten, really listen to what the other is saying.

To do that, you must divorce yourself from your personal needs long
enough to put the relationship first. That means communication can’t de-
volve into protecting your turf or being right. You must exercise some
self-control, even when strong feelings make you want to say unspeakable
things.

The most successful, intimate relationships involve proactive communi-

cation before a fight ever breaks out. As stilted as it may seem, meeting
with your spouse or partner on a regular basis to ask questions and learn
about each other will protect your relationship from altercations and even
better, it will create a new level of intimacy between you.

Here are 40 questions to help your relationship evolve and to

help you learn more about each other:

1. What should I never say to you, even in anger or frustration?

2. How much time and space do we need apart from each other?

3. What activities and interests can we develop that will bring us closer?

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4. What is going to really set you off?

5. What happens if we can’t agree on something important that involves

both of us?

6. What kind of physical touch best says “I love you” to you?

7. What could I do that would cause you to pull away from me?

8. How many days between sex will be too long?

9. When you get home from work, what would you like me to do or say in
the first few minutes?

10. Who do we know that has the kind of intimacy that we want?

11. What changes will I need to make in order for you to be really happy?

12. Where will we be in this relationship five years from now?

13. What’s the biggest lesson I can learn from you?

14. What do you do when you feel hurt by me?

15. What will ruin our relationship?

16. What habits do I have that are upsetting to you?

17. How can we both get our needs met when we want different things on
a particular day?

18. What happens if one of us needs more space that the other?

19. What do we do if both of us are having a bad day?

20. How affectionate would you like to be with me?

21. What can we do to avoid fighting or arguing entirely?

22. What about our financial situation might become a recurring problem?

23. What about our work might become a recurring problem?

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24. How will we let each other know what we want sexually?

25. What will I have to say to get your attention when I’ve not been able
to?

26. What need of yours have I not been able to satisfy?

27. What kind of memories do we want to create together?

28. What will keep us happily together for years to come?

29. What will be the early warning signs that our relationship is in trouble?

30. How will you be able to forgive me if I’ve done something that really
hurts you?

31. What will you do if you feel tempted by another person?

32. What personality differences do we have that might cause a problem?

33. When we argue, how will you take responsibility for your part of the
problem?

34. How can we make our sex life even better?

35. What are your deepest wounds and how can I support you there?

36. Where are you unwilling to compromise?

37. What about my voice or communication style makes you want to spend
less time around me?

38. What do you expect from me that you should really be expecting of
yourself?

39. What are you willing to do with or for me that you haven’t been able to
do in previous relationships?

40. What are your deepest dreams and desires for yourself and for us?

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 36 Ways To Be Irresistibly
Attractive

“The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive

people judge neither themselves nor others. They are
open to gestures of love. They think about love, and
express their love in every action.” ~Deepak Chopra

H ere’s the bottom

line: we want
people to like us. Even
when we say we don’t
care what people think,
we really do.

We desire to be loved,
respected, and viewed
in a positive light. Our human interactions are vital to our sense of well-be-
ing, self-esteem, and happiness. When we discover that someone doesn’t
like us or rejects us in some way, our emotions can run the gamut from
defensive indignation to deep pain and profound sadness.

For any of us who have attempted to be likable and attractive to

everyone, you eventually realize the futility of this exhausting
endeavor.

It is impossible to “make” everyone like you, and even if you could, you
will ultimately lose your self in the process. When you morph into a

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people pleaser or an actor playing roles to accommodate those you want
to impress, you often alienate the very people you hope to charm.

The art of being irresistibly attractive to others requires that

we do something which can be quite difficult. It requires us to
love and respect ourselves first and foremost.

Only when we see ourselves as lovable and embrace our own authentic
qualities, needs, ideas, values, and personality traits, do we release the
pheromones of attractiveness to others. Although not everyone will be in-
trigued by your authenticity, those who are attracted to you will generally
be emotionally intelligent, mature individuals who value genuine and un-
affected relationships.

Self-love, self-confidence, and authenticity are the foundational elements

of attractiveness. To strengthen this foundation and foster the transition
from “trying to impress” to naturally attracting wonderful people into
your life, there are some specific changes and shifts you can adopt.

36 actions you can take to make yourself irresistibly attractive:

1. Develop your own personal operating system. Carve out and

define your own reality, philosophy, values, and interests rather than au-
tomatically accepting those of your family, peers, religion, or culture.

2. Begin to let go of the need for validation. Don’t be motivated by

the opinions of others or the desire for recognition. Be driven by what is
important to you and what you value.

3. Trust your instincts and allow for experimentation. Get to

know yourself and discover what you enjoy and find exciting, even if you
have to fail a few times.

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4. Accept others as they are. Begin letting go of judgments and criti-
cism of others. Focus on people’s strengths rather than their faults. Learn
to deal with difficult people without diminishing yourself.

5. Really hear people. Go beyond just listening and understanding.

Let people know that you really get them.

6. Take care of unresolved matters in your life. Restore your in-

tegrity. Forgive and ask for forgiveness where necessary. Reclaim the en-
ergy you have given to these matters.

7. Embrace a healthy lifestyle. Get some form of exercise daily. Eat

healthy foods that support your body, not your emotions. Do this because
you respect yourself, not to impress others.

8. Cause things to happen. Don’t wait for them. Be a creator, an insti-

gator, a collaborator. Share your enthusiasm.

9. Show people you care. Don’t just talk about it. Show them in ways
that are meaningful to them, not you.

10. Require the best of people. See them not only for who they are,
but who they can be. Lovingly reflect that vision to them.

11. Ensure your own needs are met. Discern your primary needs,
and communicate fully what is important and valuable to you in your re-
lationships. Don’t compromise these to keep peace or hang on.

12. Speak constructively. Use your words to uplift, inspire, motivate,

and encourage. Don’t offer “constructive criticism” or subtle digs.

13. Laugh easily. Have a lightness about you. Take life less seriously
and choose to find and create fun and joy.

14. Cease gossip. Choose not to talk about others in ways that are openly
or subtlety critical. Don’t share information for the feeling of power or
intrigue.

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15. Make requests, not complaints. If you need something from
someone, ask for it directly. Don’t whine or complain to them or others.

16. Handle situations fully. Kindly but clearly deal with negative is-
sues as soon as possible. Don’t tolerate anything if it causes resentments.

17. Be done with arguments. Smile and walk away until healthy com-
munication is possible.

18. Offer help only when asked. Don’t assume that others want you
to fix them or that you know best for them. Be available and give help only
when asked.

19. Care deeply, but remain detached. Let others know you care
deeply about them when they have problems, but don’t get caught up in
their problems.

20. See with your heart, not your eyes. Look beyond superficiality
when seeing someone. Financial status, appearance, notoriety, all mean
nothing. Look for the authentic person inside.

21. Don’t say yes when you mean no. If you mean no, your yes will
be harnessed with resentment. Say yes only when your yes is given freely.

22. Let others know you are grateful. Tell them and show them that
you feel blessed to have them in your life.

23. Never play the guilt card. Don’t try to manipulate or hurt someone
by trying to make them feel bad about their choices, decisions, or actions.

24. Give more than is expected. Don’t over-commit, but freely give
more than you promise.

25. Be inter-developmental in your relationships. Don’t be con-

trolling, dependent or co-dependent. Create relationships that are mutu-
ally uplifting, reward, and satisfying.

26. Be a big person. Don’t try to take credit, diminish others, or hold

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back on praise. Offer acknowledgment and power when it is needed and
deserved.

27. Be confident enough to be humble. Be able to laugh at yourself,

acknowledge your flaws and failures, and accept that they don’t define
you.

28. Be open to learning. Don’t flaunt your intelligence or superior

knowledge. Recognize that there is always something to learn, even from
those who appear “less than.”

29. Be more engaged than engaging. Show your sincere interest in

others. Use the word “you” more than “I.” Listen intently and reflect back
to others who they are.

30. Give gifts that others want. Not just gifts to impress or that are
important to you.

31. Challenge yourself constantly. Don’t settle for mediocre. Don’t

languish in past accomplishments. Keep moving forward and exude en-
thusiasm about possibilities and the actions to make them happen.

32. Detach from adrenaline. Simplify your life enough so you are not
rushed, stressed, cluttered, or distracted. Allow yourself time and room to
focus.

33. Embrace the incredible power of now. Nothing is more valuable

than this moment. Make it the best moment you possibly can right now.

34. Don’t fight the flow. Don’t struggle against people or situations you
can’t control. Move effortlessly in a different direction.

35. Keep evolving. Stay on a path of personal development and stay

alert for opportunities for shifts and growth.

36. Accept that you won’t be attractive to everyone. As you evolve

and become more attractive, fewer people will be attracted to you—but
what an incredible group they are!

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 Are You Lovable? Ten Actions to
Be More Appealing

If you want to be loved, be lovable. ~Ovid

W e all want love. We

are hard-wired to
want it. From the moment
we leave the womb and en-
ter the world, we are kick-
ing and screaming for love
and care. Babies demand
love, and mothers are pro-
grammed to provide it un-
conditionally. (Thank God, right? Those crying, pooping, eating machines
don’t always foster warm, fuzzy feelings at three in the morning!)

In most healthy families, love is offered to children unconditionally by

their parents. And if we’re fortunate, our parents continue to offer this
love even as we become adults ourselves—whether or not we deserve it!
Parental love is one thing, but what makes us deserving of love from other
people? What qualities make us lovable? Here’s what I’ve learned over the
years about lovability:

1. Be Light
There are two meanings for this. Be light as in don’t be heavy, and be light
as in don’t be dark. People who are light draw others to them. It is effort-
less to be around someone with a lightness of demeanor and an easygoing
manner. A person with a light heart reflects happiness and brightness to
others, and it is uplifting to be near them. Be someone who offers light,
positive energy to the world, and the world will be drawn to you.

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2. Like Yourself
If you don’t like yourself already, then make that a daily objective. Write
down all possible reasons that you should like and respect yourself. Focus
on your positive qualities and successes. Don’t allow your mind to lock
on to negative thinking. If you don’t like yourself, your lack of self-esteem
will be apparent to others. It is very hard to love someone who doesn’t
love themselves. It is very hard to receive love openly and completely if
you don’t believe you are worthy of it.

3. Set Boundaries
I know this sounds pretty negative if you are trying to attract love, but it
goes hand in hand with liking yourself. Setting boundaries is about having
respect for yourself and gently letting people know who you are and how
you want to live. If you allow yourself to be taken advantage of and walked
on, it is hard for others to respect you and to offer you real, healthy love.
You won’t lose love by setting boundaries. You will become more lovable.

4. Show Kindness to Everyone

Just be kind to people. Buddhists have a meditation called “loving kind-
ness” to develop selfless and altruistic love. Show loving kindness to all
people, regardless of their station in life or behavior toward you. In this
hurried, self-centered world, show kindess to everyone you encounter, the
check-out lady at the grocery store, the fussy child on the airplane, the guy
who flips you off on the highway. Develop a habit of kindness and make it
part of who you are. A kind person is hard not to love!

5. Laugh at Yourself
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Have enough confidence to laugh at
your own foibles. Embrace a healthy self-deprecating humor. If you let
the defenses down, and allow yourself to be vulnerable and real, then you
become more approachable and oddly enough, more respected.

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6. Show Affection
The power of loving touch is astounding. When you offer someone a hand,
a hug, a friendly squeeze, you are jumping into their space and pulling
them into yours. You are inviting a connection. There are some who aren’t
so comfortable with lots of affection, but even so, a small amount of touch
communicates volumes about who you are and your willingness to reach
out.

7. Be Real
Sometimes in our efforts to be lovable, we lose ourselves. We put on an
act to appear smarter, funnier, richer, more powerful or simply to become
the person we wish we were. That’s all fine if you want people to love the
imitation you. But eventually the act is not sustainable and you’re found
out. Don’t waste your time pretending. Just be yourself. Be honest with
yourself and others about who you are so the real you can receive the love
you deserve.

8. Have Integrity
Honesty. Loyalty. Reliability. Strength of character. You might win love
without these, but you won’t be lovable for the long term. Define what
integrity means to you, and live that every day.

9. Be Surprising
Step out of your comfort zone. Do something unexpected. Go out of your
way for someone. Say the nice thing that you are thinking. Say yes instead
of no. Gain a reputation for being interesting and surprising—in your own
special way.

10. Love Unconditionally

Offer love to others expecting nothing in return. Offer love because you
want to give it without fear, conditions, or strings attached. Give love for
the sheer joy of giving, and you will discover that your own lovability fac-
tor increases exponentially!

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 Improve Your Sex Life With A
Healthy Brain

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the
answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
~Woody Allen

C ontrary to what you might believe, the brain is the largest and most
sensitive organ in the body. (Sorry guys!) Keeping your brain fit
and healthy has a
far greater impact
on your sex life than
keeping your body
fit and healthy (al-
though that’s pretty
important too).

If you want to have

a great sex life, you
need to pay attention
to the way your brain works, the differences in the male and female brain,
and the sexual power of the brain in between physical encounters.

Great sex doesn’t just happen in a brief physical connection. The brain
is involved in setting the stage for great sex—fostering a way of life that
stimulates you mentally before you are ever aroused physically.

When your brain is healthy, it helps you be kind, intimate, creative,

thoughtful, loving, and committed with your partner. If your brain and

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thinking is dysfunctional, it can cause dysfunctional behaviors like dis-
traction, impulsiveness, negativity, selfishness, or unfaithfulness. Clearly,
these behaviors will undermine your chances for intimacy and love—and
great sex.

Other brain issues can impact your sex life too, including depression,
anxiety, ADHD, PMS, substance abuse, and personality disorders. Left
untreated, these issues make it nearly impossible to have healthy love and
sexual relationships. Emotional well-being begins in the brain and some-
times requires chemical or psychological intervention. Managing stress,
finding life balance, and learn-
ing coping strategies, all will
improve your sexual outlook.

The Male and Female

Brain

Great sex also hinges on un-

derstanding and responding to
the differences in the male and
female brain. The brain is differently constructed in men and in women;
it processes information in a different way, which results in different per-
ceptions, priorities and behavior.

The hypothalamus, the part of the brain responsive to sex hormones, is

two and a half times larger in men than women. Men are programmed to
be more responsive to sexual feelings. Plus, with lower overall activity in
the brain, men are constantly looking for excitement and stimulation.

Women have a larger corpus callosum, making them better at multi-task-

ing. (That’s why we can make a grocery list during sex.) Women have more
overall brain activity and are always thinking, thinking, thinking. They

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also have language on both sides of the brain, and therefore can over-
whelm men with words. Women also are much more sensitive to smells
and touch.

Men are always ready for excitement. With the lower activity levels in
their brains, and higher testosterone levels, it takes little to get men going
physically.

Women have so much going on in their brains that they need to be soothed,
courted and encouraged to be in the mood. Mental and physical foreplay
are imperative.
Men have significantly lower levels of oxytocin, the chemical of trust and
bonding, than women have. For women, touch, talking, holding hands
and kind looks will increase oxytocin. For men, an orgasm increases oxy-
tocin up to 500%. So to bond and connect, men need sex and women need
to talk and touch.

Take Preemptive Action For Great Sex

So how can you use this brain information to improve your sex life? Pay
attention to these gender brain differences and use them to your sexual
advantage. It will foster not only better sex, but also a more intimate, lov-
ing relationship in general.

Men, if you want more sex, talk and touch more. Show affection, kind-
ness, and tenderness. Help increase the oxytocin in your partner’s brain.

Women, if you want more intimacy and connection, have more

sex. An orgasm stimulates oxytocin production for your man, so give him
plenty of them. His brain is wired for stimulation.

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Create more sexual excitement in your relationship. Dopamine
is the brain chemical involved in “chemistry” and those over-the-top feel-
ings when you first fall in love. It is associated with excitement and moti-
vation in the brain. Want to re-create those feelings? Do something new,
edgy, even a bit forbidden to increase dopamine.

The way to sex is through her feet. The area of the brain that feels
sexual arousal is right next to the area that feels the feet! Give each other
foot rubs as a form of foreplay. Ever wonder why women love shoes so
much?

Strengthen memory for frequent sex. Wake up your partner’s brain

to you and make yourself unforgettable so that sex will be inevitable and
often. Do something unexpected or unpredictable to please your partner.
Stimulate their hippocampus (memory center) with photos, cards, songs,
smells, and letters.

Get the blood flowing mentally and physically. Try an aphrodi-

siac that will increase blood flow to the brain and genitals. Asian ginseng
200mg, gingko biloba 6-120mg, and L-arginine 3,000 are ways to in-
crease blood flow.

Try some sexy scents for arousal. Certain smells also are aphrodi-
siacs. For men, lavender, pumpkin pie, doughnut, black licorice, orange,
cheese pizza, roast beef, and cinnamon can get him in the mood for more
than food. For women, baby powder, cucumber, licorice, lavender, and
pumpkin pie will do the trick.

Eat the right foods for sexual health. Almonds, chocolate, cheese,
and avocados increase PEA (Phenylethylamine), a neurotransmitter
chemical in the brain that causes you to fall madly in love with someone.
It is a natural form of amphetamine that floods the regions of the brain
involved in sexual excitement. Here are some other foods for great sex:

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 • Wild yams increase genital sen-
sitivity.
• Oysters high in zinc helps pro-
duce testosterone and dopamine
for stimulation.
• Garlic contains allicin which
increases blood flow to the sexual
organs.
• Figs high in amino acids increases the libido.
• Chili peppers have capsaicin which stimulates nerve endings and
raises heart rate.
• Celery contains androsterone, a hormone in male sweat that
arouses women.
• Bananas contain the bromelain enzyme, believed to improve
male libido.

For most of us, great sex comes pretty naturally during the early stages
of a relationship when dopamine is surging through our brains and the
world is our oyster—or chocolate bar! However, when our relationships
grow older, we really need to use our brains to maintain a healthy, happy,
and exciting sex life.

Take the time to understand your partner’s brain and how it is different
from yours. Accommodate those differences in your partner by offering
them what they need for exciting sex and intimate connection. Take care
of your mental and emotional health so that you can be fully available to
give and respond to your partner. Use your imagination to create some
excitement, novelty, and fun in your sex life. If you take care of your brain
and keep it healthy, your body and your partner’s will thank you in the
morning.

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 Embrace Your Inner Adult

“A mature person is one who does not think only

in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when
deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that
there is both good and bad in all people and all
things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably.”
~Eleanor Roosevelt

W hen I am coaching a client, often one of the most profound leaps

they make is recognizing the personal power that accompanies
adult decisions, outlooks, and behaviors. Sometimes a person is so en-
trenched in reactive behaviors, old hurts, and learned perceptions that
they don’t realize they are trapped in a stage of childhood that limits their
personal growth and relationships.

Much has been made of the concept of embracing one’s inner child. In this
context, I’m referring to the therapeutic work (usually offered by mental
health professionals) to
help clients heal the emo-
tional wounds and coping
mechanisms that arise
from adverse childhood
experiences.
This work includes help-
ing people face and heal
unresolved grief and un-
met needs from child-
hood. Often this grief

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takes the form of depression, controlling behaviors, anger, intimacy prob-
lems, and poor communication skills. Facing and healing these hurts is
critical to becoming a fully-functioning, healthy adult.

Another big step toward becoming whole and healthy is em-

bracing your inner adult. Sometimes we don’t even recognize the
grown-ups we are supposed to be because we either have either missed a
stage in emotional development or we simply didn’t have appropriate role
models or support systems.

Consistent relationship difficulties often reveal that one’s inner

adult is begging to be released. These difficulties would include inti-
mate relationships, as well as relationships with friends, co-workers, and
family members. If a running theme of complaints has developed over the
years about your behaviors, reactions, or decisions, it is a big clue that you
need to look realistically at yourself and make some changes. Everyone
needs to regularly take the pulse of their inner adult to make sure he or
she is alive and well.

An emotionally mature person continues throughout life to work on de-

veloping attitudes and behaviors in relation to himself and his/her en-
vironment which lift him past childishness and dependency. Your inner
adult is a person who is authentic, open, and willing to grow, learn, and
accept his or her own flaws and mistakes. Here are some of the char-
acteristics of an emotionally mature adult:

1. Accepts criticism gracefully, being appreciative for an opportunity to

improve.
2. Does not indulge in self-pity and has begun to feel the laws of compen-
sation operating in all life.
3. Does not expect special consideration from anyone or have a self-inflat-
ed sense of entitlement.

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4. Controls temper but can express anger or frustration in healthy ways.
5. Meets emergencies with calm and poise.
6. Is not easily hurt or wounded by others.
7. Accepts the responsibility of his or her own actions without making ex-
cuses or blaming others.
8. Has outgrown the “all or nothing” stage, and recognizes that no person
or situation is wholly good or wholly bad.
9. Is not impatient at reasonable delays, and has learned that he/she is
not the center of the universe and must often adjust to other people and
their convenience.
10. Acts as a good sport and a good loser. Can endure defeat and disap-
pointment without whining or complaining.
11. Does not worry about things he cannot help.
12. Is not given to boasting or “showing off” in socially unacceptable ways.
13. Is honestly glad when others enjoy success or good fortune, and has
outgrown envy and jealousy.
14. Is open-minded enough to listen thoughtfully to the opinions of oth-
ers.
15. Is not a chronic “fault-finder” or complainer.
16. Plans things in advance rather than trusting to the inspiration of the
moment or leaving things for others to handle.
17. Shows kindness, patience and good manners, especially with those
who are less capable, sophisticated or mature.
18. Has a set of guiding principles, beliefs or values that create the frame-
work for decisions and actions.
19. Is more solution-oriented rather than needing to be right.
20. Feels comfortable with a wide variety of people and situations.
21. Has the ability to experience and understand one’s own deepest feelings

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and needs, and is able to act on and express these feelings and needs in
appropriate and constructive ways.
22. Has the ability to act on and react to life circumstances with intelli-
gence, sound judgment and wisdom.
23. Has the ability to recognize, empathize with, and respect the feelings
and needs of others.
24. Can love unconditionally—to allow another person’s needs, feelings,
security, and survival to be absolutely paramount—just as if these were
our own.
25. Is able to adapt flexibly and creatively to life’s changing circumstances
and conditions.
26. Can channel energy, both positive and negative, into constructive con-
tributions to one’s self, to others, and to the community.
27. Can relate comfortably and freely with others, to like and be liked by
others, and to maintain healthy and mutually satisfying relationships. The
ability to choose and develop relationships that are healthy and nurtur-
ing, and to end or limit relationships that are not.
28. Does not indulge in destructive habits or behaviors.
If you are interested in reading more about how to embrace
your inner adult and building better relationships, here is some
additional reading that might interest you:
How to Be an Adult: A Handbook for Psychological and Spiritual
Integration
How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
How To Raise Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence: 101 Ways To
Bring Out The Best In Your Children And Yourself
Imagintelligence: Beyond Emotional Intelligence
12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone: Choosing
Emotional Sobriety through Self-Awareness and Right Action
Soul of Adulthood: Opening the Doors

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 25 Ways To Shake Up Your
Weekend, Reconnect, and Have
Unmitigated Fun

But on a Friday night

It’s alright, it’s alright
You can be who you want to be
Take off for the weekend
If you can dance you can dance with me
~from Here Comes the Weekend by The Moody Blues

W hat do you have before you this weekend? You probably have
things to clean and organize, bills to pay, errands and other
mind-numbing, boring tasks to take care of. Even though you’ve worked
hard all week, you still
have enough items on that
to-do list to keep you busy
all weekend. The crazy
thing about those to-do
lists is they keep on re-
producing. Just when you
think you’ve checked off
that last item, ten more
pop up.

Well, here’s a bold idea. Forget all that! Grab your honey and go
have some fun for a change.

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It is the weekend after all, and you have the rest of the year to work on
those tasks. I know these are strange words coming from a coach, but I
firmly believe that fun is way underrated for us high-achieving, goal ori-
ented grown-ups. Fun is essential for a balanced, healthy life – and it’s
one of the best ways to reconnect with the one you love. You have to make
it happen because work is a greedy, insatiable creature if you don’t tame
it.

OK, so carve out a few hours to get the “must-do” stuff done. But this
weekend, don’t let those tasks grow wild like kudzu and overtake a per-
fectly good opportunity for having some soul lifting, body shaking, mind
bending fun. This is the weekend — let’s rejoice and be glad in it!

Here are 25 ideas for fun things to do to shake up your week-

end. Come on now! Pick at least one of them and go have good
time.

1. Go out dancing. When was the last time you did that? It’s great exer-
cise and loads of fun. If your man won’t go with you, get a group of women
together and you’ll have a blast. If your
woman won’t go with you, um . . . maybe
pick something else on the list. Here are
the top 100 dance clubs in the U.S.

2. Take a hike. If the weather is decent,

put on your hiking boots and spend some
time in nature. Winter hikes provide an en-
tirely different vista with the leaves off the
trees. The stark beauty of winter is incred-
ible. Here’s a list by state of some great
places to hike.

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3. Go to a museum, planetarium, aquarium, or exhibit. If you
live in a reasonably-sized city, you have plenty of options. If not, make a
day trip out of traveling to the nearest city for some educational adven-
ture. Here’s a list of U.S. museums. Scroll down for a list of planeteri-
ums, aquariums and other attractions.

4. Have a pajama party brunch. Invite some friends over for brunch
— but they have to wear their pajamas! No make-up or showers allowed.
Build a fire, put on the coffee, turn on the jazz, and enjoy a relaxing morn-
ing with friends. Try out this recipe for Baked French Toast. Yum!

5. Go on an antiquing adventure. It’s time for a treasure hunt. Find

some local antique stores or better yet, go for a drive into the country
where finds are cheaper and the scenery is different. Take some cash so
you can barter!

6. Play a marathon game. Set up a game on Saturday morning and

keep it going all weekend long. Our family loves a game that has lots of
strategy and a bit of luck called The Settlers of Catan.

7. Go to a jazz or blues club. Get dressed up and go with someone

special to hear some great music. Buy a jazz CD after the show, and play it
the rest of the weekend. Here’s a list of jazz clubs in the U.S.

8. Get a massage. OMG!! This is the total indulgence. Do this toward

the end of the day. Otherwise you will be a boneless slug and get nothing
else done. There is only one thing I can think of that is better than a mas-
sage. :)

9. Do that one other thing mentioned above. Why not? You have
all weekend. What could be more fun, more relaxing, or pleasurable? And
it’s free. Before the jazz. After the massage. Out in the woods. So many
options.

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 10. Take a bike ride. Fill a
thermos with hot soup, coffee,
or hot chocolate. Grab a water
bottle and a blanket. Shove it
all in your backpack and hop on
your bike. Bring a friend. Take a
long ride, then stop for a warm
snack before you head home.

11. Build a fire and roast marshmallows. You can do this inside or
outside. You might as well make s’mores while you’re at it. Why waste a
good roasted marshmallow?

12. Make a huge pot of chili or soup and watch the game. There
must be games on this weekend, right? Make an occasion out of it. Buy
some beer and invite a few friends over. Now you have a party.

13. Book a hotel room for a night. Get away from the house entirely.
No temptations to do chores. Just you and your hotel pal practicing num-
ber 9 and getting room service.

14. Have a wine tasting—or go to one. Hosting one at your home is

easy and a great way to get people to bring you wine! Or you can go out to
a wine tasting dinner. Here are some ideas on hosting a home wine
tasting.

15. Go to the theatre or ballet. Haven’t you had enough football and
sitcoms? Time for a little cultural infusion. Performing artists are strug-
gling right now in this economy, so go support the arts!

16. Rent a cabin in the mountains for the weekend. This is the
cheapest time of year to go. Be sure it has a hot tub. Take a bottle of

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champagne. Nothing like sitting in the hot tub in freezing weather, drink-
ing bubbly in the mountains. Take a good book.

17. Go to a pet store. But do this only if you aren’t tempted to buy tiny,
cute, fluffy, furry, wide-eyed puppies or kitties. It’s still fun to look and
play with them even if you can’t take them home.

18. Organize a touch football game with the neighbors. Get out-
side and play. Just like you did when you were a kid.

19. Have a movie marathon. Rent some movies at home or pick a few
at the theater, and immerse yourself in fantasy. A great choice for a rainy
weekend.

20. Plan a vacation for the summer. Start thinking about an amaz-
ing dream vacation you can take this summer. Get on the internet and
start your research. Here are 1001 vacation ideas.

22. Paint, draw, write, create. Go to a craft or art supply store. Find
something that interests you and spend the afternoon in the flow of cre-
ative pursuit.

23. Test drive your dream car. Go to a car dealership and take a spin
in that Porsche or Maserati you’ve been eying for years. OK, so you can’t
buy it, but at least you can say you’ve tried it.

24. Organize a potluck dinner. It doesn’t have to be complicated or

formal. Everyone brings something and just hangs out for the night.

25. Read and rest. Go climb in your coziest chair. Get a blanket and
a cup of tea. Grab your book and spend a few hours reading. If you fall
asleep, no worries. You’ve got all year to catch up.

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 45
Guest Articles
Alex Blackwell of The BridgeMaker

Jane Rochelle of Teeny Tiny Pieces

Tess Marshall of The Bold Life

Katie Tallo of Momentum Gathering

Arvind Devalia of Make It Happen

Remembering First Love and the
Lessons Learned

by Alex Blackwell from The BridgeMaker.

M y first love recently found me on Facebook. When I saw her

friend request I left the present and went back to 1979. 30 years
ago, I was a junior in high school driving my ’69 Volkswagen Beatle while
listening to the Bee Gees on the AM-only band radio and not realizing the
power love would have in my life.

It also never occurred to me there would come a day when I would be in

my mid 40s forgetting what it was like to be young. At 16-years-old, there
was a whole life in front
of me and with no need
to rush.

Like most, when I was a

child I had several child-
hood crushes. I had
crushes on a few teach-
ers, girls I saw on tele-
vision, and I had a huge
crush on a young lady in Kindergarten named Sonya who always wore
plaid jumpers. These crushes eventually lead me to my first intimate rela-
tionship and to my first love.

It was in this relationship when I first considered what it would be like

to share a life with someone else and what I wanted from love. It was an

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 47
awakening, an awareness, that I was worthy to give and receive love un-
conditionally. I experienced my first love almost a lifetime ago,
but the lessons learned are still with me today.

THE POWER OF FIRST LOVE

Before falling in love, I didn’t realize I get to choose who to love. We can
naturally love our parents and siblings without even thinking about it.
The power of our first romantic love extends our view of the world and
provides the awareness we are free to experience the pleasure of love and
not just the presence of love.

When we become teenagers, the separation from our family begins to

widen and our focus is turned inside-out. The temptation of a world we
can now reach in our cars and, once we get there, enjoy the touch and kiss
of another becomes too great to resist.

The power of first love tells us we are becoming adults. We now have the
right equipment to love another person, even though we may have skipped
over a few important pages from the user’s manual. Nevertheless, we fall
into love fast and we can fall very hard. The power of first love is never
repeated in subsequent relationships; nor should it be.

I guess in a perfect world, we would wake up and find ourselves in our

second relationship, but we would miss out on an experience filled with
so much euphoria that our appetite to want to be in love and experience
the joy it can bring might be diminished to the point it could keep us from
ever sharing our hearts in the first place.

THE POWER OF OUR ACTIONS

Falling in love for the first time showed me the power my actions can have.
It was in the spring of 1979 when my girlfriend and I found ourselves in
love and committed to one another exclusively.

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Months of passing notes in class, flirting and finding the courage to act on
an exciting curiosity lead to our first date and to the awareness our feel-
ings ran deep. It was this way throughout the rest of the spring and into
the summer.

During the summer of 1979 I worked as a lifeguard. When school started

later in the fall, I noticed other girls were interested in me, too. I felt con-
fident with my lifeguard’s tan and broad-shouldered build that I initiated
the break-up to make myself available for those interests.

Without warning and without good cause, I abruptly ended the relation-
ship. It never occurred to me the pain my actions would cause. When I
asked for forgiveness and reconciliation, it was not granted.

At that moment, now as a 17-year-old, my awareness of life and love shift-

ed from a selfish mindset to one that showed me the power my actions
have to bring happiness and sadness alike into the life of another. The
world was no longer all about me – my actions affected the lives of others.
My first love created the force necessary for the final push. My fall from
adolescence was now complete. I had become an adult whether I was
ready or not.

THE POWER OF PASSION AND INTENSITY

The emotions experienced in first love can be very intense. Most free time
is spent together and those seemingly endless moments turn into long,
passionate kisses when it’s time to say goodbye. After the final kiss is over
and both find themselves alone, the phone will ring when one cannot
stand time away from the other any longer.

First love tells us the type of partner we want and it demonstrates the kind
of partner we can be. First love also teaches us the value of passion and

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 49
how it can be used to provide the inspiration to live passionately and with
great faith in the other parts of our life.

Our hearts come alive with our new found ability to share what’s inside.
Before we fall in love for the first time, our hearts beat to the familiar. We
may love those in our life, but we haven’t quite recognized the enormous
amount of hope we have to find someone special; someone just for us and
with whom we can make a heart connection.

It’s take courage to hold your heart in the palm of your hand while some-
one else takes your fingers and, one-by-one, peels them back to reveal the
gift that is waiting. Sometimes the gift is cherished and sometimes it is
not. Either way, we learn to surrender to passion because of the promise
of what it can deliver.

LESSONS LEARNED
I accepted her friend request and thought for a moment about what type
of comment I should write. The first thing that came to mind was to ask,
once again, for some forgiveness. She provided that in her reply. Time may
not cause us to forget, but it does provide some space for some healing.

After exchanging a few more messages which attempted to cover the past
30 years, I logged out and went on with my day although the feelings that
were churned up stayed with me.

Somewhere along the way, I had forgotten that teenager who had a whole
life in front of him. Like most 16-year-olds, I felt invincible and incapable
of aging. The world was mine to shape into anything I wanted it to be.
Dreams of medical school and experiencing fantastic adventures filled my
mind with great anticipation. And then, I found love and someone who
made my heart beat differently than it had ever had before.

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Falling in love for the first time didn’t cause me to stop dreaming. Just the
opposite. My first love helped me to realize a life with meaning is intended
to be enjoyed together. We have the ability to accomplish whatever we set
our minds to achieving, but having someone to share our life with makes
all the difference.

My first love taught me the lessons of passion and the power my actions
can have on another. It taught me I was worthy to be loved uncondition-
ally. My first love prepared me to be a better lover next time.

Today my heart now knows the power of love and hope. There is still plen-
ty of life left in front of me and there is no need to rush. I learned these
things from my first love.

Alex Blackwell is the founder and primary writer for

The BridgeMaker, an honestly written lifestyle blog
dedicated to finding faith, sharing inspiration, and
highlighting stories of personal change. Connect with
Alex on Facebook.

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 51
On Finding Your Own Path Down
the Side of a Mountain, and
Along Your Path to Wholeness

By Jane Rochelle from Teeny Tiny Pieces

O n a recent trip to the mountains, we woke up early and went for

a hike behind our cabin. The air was cool and silent. Our dog,
Annie, led the way.  Her muscular body charged straight up the steep,
rocky hillside without effort. For Frank and me, the charge was less di-
rect. There was no trail.

We climbed one step at a time, carefully choosing where to place our feet….
soil, leaves, rocks, or branches. We used saplings as tow ropes, of sorts,
when we needed them. Frank hiked behind me in the most treacherous
parts. Just as a man stands behind a woman on an escalator, in-case she
should fall backward, he was behind me in-case I needed catching.

Out of breath, we finally reached a group of mossy boulders, perfect for a

few minutes of rest and morning meditation. We sat together as the morn-
ing light scampered across the forest floor. Gratitude filled our pounding
hearts. ”It’s so quiet here,” I whispered.

Soon we began to recognize sounds that were only audible when we tuned
into the silence. The rushing sound of full streams from the melting
snow. A woodpecker in a nearby tree. A bloodhound in the distance. We
became attuned to the rustling of leaves as Annie continued to scout, run,
jump, and then pause, whiskers twitching, having her own moment in the

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morning light. We listened and we talked a little, but mostly we just sat
and soaked up the gift of those precious moments.

Full and and ready for the day, we scooched off of the rocks and start-
ed back down the steep hillside.  Frank was again downhill from me, ex-
tending his hand to
help steady my de-
scent. He has seen
me lose my balance
on rocks one time
too many, and ten-
derly watches over
me. He gently led
me for the first few
steps. He wore hik-
ing boots, and his feet
were more steady on
rocks, supported by
the boots. I wore tennis shoes, and was more comfortable on moist soil
and leaves. Our paths diverged in order to each find the footing we need-
ed. We each slipped a little, stumbled over rocks a little, and held onto
trees for support.

We made our way down the hill, together, but each on our own path, at
our own pace…taking care of ourselves. Each sensing what would best
work for us, and how we could safely get to the bottom of the hill. Neither
of us could predict, nor dictate the best route for the other. In the end,
we both wound up at the same spot, safely at the bottom…just where we
needed to be.

As I stood at the bottom and looked up the rocky hillside we’d just come
down, I realized that our morning hike reminded me of our life journey. We

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 53
can climb together, and bask in the sunshine when it’s time to rest, or
celebrate, or find balance. We must certainly support and help each oth-
er. These things we can best accomplish if we each choose our own path.

“You know how to take care of yourself better than anyone else on this
earth,” someone once told me. I didn’t really believe her when she said
it, but with much searching and dedication to self-care, I’ve found this to
be true.  I can ask for advice, support, and ideas. In the end, I am solely
responsible for my journey. It is up to me to employ my intelligence and
intuition when I choose where I will place my next step, along the path to
wholeness.

Jane Rochelle is a writer, an educator, a painter,

and a student of Healing Touch, and the founder
of the blog Teeny Tiny Pieces.

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 54
 A Burst of Strategies
for a Loving Heart

By Tess Marshall from The Bold Life

W e are responsible for the love in our relationships. We have the

power to infuse love into every moment of our day and build an
amazing life. Tomorrows relationships are the result of the life we lead
today. Each day, we have the power and opportunity to be more loving
human beings.

The following suggestions, when put into practice, will create

love that last a lifetime.

Creating a Soul Connection

Allow kindness to create a mood of love. Behave in a kindly and com-
plimentary manner towards each other. Catch your partner doing good
things. Focus on every thing positive. Enhance your relationship by hav-
ing a big heart and a sparkling soul. Being kind and doing good creates a
loving atmosphere, a place of safety. Make it your religion.

Do things that bring both of you joy.

Participate in activities you may not particularly enjoy. I like to hike and
my husband likes to play golf. He has learned to like the beauty of hik-
ing and I have taken golf lessons and improved my game. To eliminate
frustration, we avoid difficult hikes and difficult golf courses. We have
learned enjoy each other’s company while having fun together. With a
little willingness, every couple can learn to create harmony and delight in
all aspects of their lives.

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Know your partner isn’t the source of your pain.
Take 100% responsibility for your relationship. It’s your thoughts about
the conflict or person that causes your pain. Notice what story you tell
yourself when you become hurt or angry. If you are willing to drop your
story or change your perspective, you will change your emotional state.
Individuals that change their own character defects shine light instead of
darkness on their relationship.

Create a dinner time ritual.

Eating together is one way of gathering around the heart of a family. Fast
food, busyness, and technology have robbed couples of their time to con-
nect around a kitchen table over dinner.

Eating together provides nourishment for your body, mind and soul.

Body - Dinners cooked at home are likely to contain more nutrients

and less fat. There is time to eat, taste and enjoy the food.

Mind - Couples learn to communicate more effectively as they dis-

cuss current events, values, children, and other everyday activities.

Soul - Bonding occurs when

emotional support is offered,
and a couple learns to enjoy
and relax in each others pres-
ence.

Attacking is never justi-

fied.
The very traits you fall in love
with in your mate are the same

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 56
traits that will begin to annoy you after the passion wears off in your rela-
tionship. Criticizing and nagging each other never solves problems. When
you are tempted to use harsh words or verbally abuse your partner, stop.
Verbal abuse shatters one’s spirit and heart. When you are angry, stressed
or tired learn to soothe yourself by allowing yourself to spend time alone.
Wait until you’re calmed down to discuss difficult issues.

Love is a verb.
We often mistake love for a feeling. There will be times when you
will feel like you aren’t “in love” with your partner anymore.
The feeling is an illusion, infatuation or a fantasy.

Love is a verb, it’s about taking action. Choose to take loving action
by complimenting, helping, appreciating, listening, sharing,
praising, and pleasing your partner. Give away the love you
want to feel. If you want to be understood, be empathetic, if you want
praise, give praise, if you want forgiveness, forgive. When you behave
lovingly you begin to feel loving and loved. Choose to act and
react out of a spirit of love.

Spend wisely.
Debt is the number one cause of failed relationships. Learn to separate
your needs from your wants. Discuss and agree upon how your money will
be allocated and budgeted.

Don’t compare yourself, home, car, job, children, or your life with others.
Wanting what you don’t have creates suffering.

Honesty creates transparency. Hiding purchases or hoarding money de-

stroys trust. Practice gratitude and appreciation together for what you do
have.

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 57
If necessary seek financial help. If your debt is the result of an addiction
seek help from a professional and attend a 12-Step meeting.

Establish an emergency fund. Remember, it’s never too late to save for
your future. Your relationship is at stake here. Don’t allow money to get in
your way. Love is more important.

Allow each other the freedom and the space needed to grow inside and
out. Dream together and plan for a wonderful future. Dedicate your days
to loving and taking care of each other.

Tess Marshall has a master’s degree in counseling

psychology and teaches you how to live a bold,
fearless, and meaningful life at www.TheBoldLife.
com. Her book “Flying by the Seat of My Soul,” is
available in paperback or as an e-book on her blog.
You can sign up for her RSS feed, or follow her
on Twitter and Facebook.

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 58
 A Simple Guide To Imperfection

By Katie Tallo of Momentum Gathering

H e’s a little deaf so he talks too loud. He likes things to stay the
same. Change rattles him. He’s gullible and when his back is sore
he lets everyone know. He’s not perfect. He’s so much more.

He would never walk past a per-

son in need without offering help.
He loves playing hockey. He works
hard. He is proud of his family and
talks about them to anyone who will
listen. He doesn’t have a cell phone.
He likes to run. He goes into work
early. He’ll dance if the right music
comes on. It’s more of a wiggle march but, he thinks he’s dancing. He
shaves his head because his hair is almost all gone anyway. He loves his
daughter. He tears up when hockey heroes are remembered on TV. He
stretches before he gets out of bed. He’s had a few concussions and dislo-
cated his shoulder a bunch of times playing hockey. He tends bar. He re-
members what everyone drinks – even someone he’s only met once. He’s
great with names. He reads the paper every day. He can talk to anyone.
He tells the same stories over and over. He loves sappy 70’s music. He’s a
guy’s guy. He saves his money. He never buys himself anything unless he
needs it. He goes to the gym. He’s got the body of a twenty year old. He’ll
be 54 in February. He loves to nap and watch NFL football on Sundays.

He’s not perfect. but he’s my man, my husband, my lover, my

best friend. He has taught me about the sweet imperfection that lies
inside success, service, and love. He has taught me these simple truths.

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Success. There is no perfect job or title or act of rebellion that makes
life suddenly and irreversibly amazing. There is only the imperfect path
of one’s choosing where sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s not. If
most of the time, you love what you do then that is success. My husband
has loved being a bartender for more than three decades. He’s worked
hard, saved his money, bought a house and made a life for himself and his
family. He often comes home from work and says, “That was such a great
night, so much fun.” How many of us say that at the end of the work day.

Service. If life lands you somewhere outside the epic, beyond the ex-
traordinary, a winger like most of us, there is nothing unextraordinary or
unimportant about being of service to one or one million. Each and every
night, this humble bartender’s presence comforts, befriends, encourages,
lightens and entertains others. He serves up more than just cocktails.

Love. Love is not about being perfect. Perfect is boring. Love is about be-
ing loyal and supportive. Love is about never judging or criticizing. Love
is about giving back rubs even when you’re tired, going along with plans
even if you’re not quite into them, and maybe even making dinner once a
week. But in all it’s imperfection, love makes all the rest of it make sense.
Life is not perfect. Human beings are not perfect. Perfection is pretty
much unattainable. Inside imperfection lies something much more inter-
esting and honest – something worth exploring – our wild ambiguity, our
randomness, our difference, our humanity.

My man is not perfect, but he’s perfect for me.

Katie Tallo is a mother, wife, writer, director, artist,

athlete, vegetarian, motivator and momentum
gatherer. She blogs at Momentum Gathering.

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 Just WHAT is Love?

By Arvind Devalia

I t is Valentine week, and

as usual in the Western
world we are bombarded with
all sorts of commercial pres-
sure to go out and spend a for-
tune to show the true merit of
our love for someone.

I am guessing that this is now

also the case in the rest of the world, as the developing world clamours to
catch up with the “enlightened” ways of the West :-)

I find it amusing to see so many people rushing around to prove their true
love for that “special” person in their life.

To me, love has been commercialised to the extent that we have forgotten
just what love means anymore.

Just what is love? And how do you find the “special” one?
To me, love is the most amazing thing in our lives. It is what makes us
human, what makes life worth living. Nothing else truly matters. The size
of our homes, bank balances, the beauty of our partner, the speed of our
car – all those things pale into insignificance when we face the splendour
of what it is that makes us tick.

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Love does not make the world go around – it simply makes the
ride worthwhile.

Love is NOT the highly commercialised circus we see on Valentines Day.

It is much deeper and much more profound than sending someone a doz-
en roses at hugely inflated prices. It is much more than candle lit dinners
and fancy chocolates.
The commercialism of love has now gone so far that people are made to
feel inadequate if they are on their own on Valentine’s Day.

Here in the West, we have forgotten how wonderful it can be to just love
someone for who they are and to accept them. There is always a catch – a
kind of tit for tat. We have forgotten to love ourselves. We hold grievances
against others for supposed petty hurts and forget their magnificence.

Yet we all yearn for that deep connection with others, those moments of
bliss, joy, completeness. We crave to have more of those delicious mo-
ments we may have had with a romantic partner.

Such moments seem so rare and forlorn.

We all remember the blissful moments when strangers have shared their
love and made a difference.

We all remember the feeling of gratitude in the eyes of someone whom we

have helped. We remember how great it feels to do something for some-
one without expecting anything in return.

We cry when we see happy stories on our TV screens of families reunit-

ing. Such stories touch our hearts and yet they are so rare, as we continue
to get bombarded with so much doom and gloom by all the propaganda
around us.

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We remember the sheer joy of children playing and the love in their eyes.
Our hearts skip a beat, we get goose pimples and we get teary eyed when
we witness an act of sheer love, pure, unadulterated and unconditional.

Such moments literally take our breath away.

Love is much greater than what we feel romantically. It is what makes us

sing, dance and makes us human.

I always wonder why there is so much pain in the world. The world today
is just not working – our tried and tested methods have failed. We need to
review our core values and to see just where we are headed.

If there was enough love in the world, we would simply not tolerate a
single human being starving. As Gandhi said – “There is enough for
everyone’s need, but not for everyone’s greed.”

However, there is enough love in each of our hearts to heal the world. We
have simply forgotten this as we all strive to get bigger, better and to get
somewhere. But usually when we get there and have these things, we find
forlorn emptiness.

Yet there is a better way. Open your heart to what is possible.

There are so many simple things we can all do on a daily basis to bring
more love into our lives. Together we can all make this an even better and
more beautiful world than it already is.

What have you got to lose? Except perhaps your fear of being hurt, let
down, taken advantage of?

Once you became aware of the miracles that love can produce, you will

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want more of the same. Your situation will change, people around you will
change and you will change.

You will become human again.

Let us use the occasion of Valentine’s Day for us all to become human
again together, and manifest even more love in our already magnificent
world.

A world of love, love and love always – after all, nothing else matters.
And look for the love within you and in front of you, rather than elsewhere.
To end, here is a quote from an unknown source:
“Love doesn’t leave you, but you leave love”

We all have relationships in our life which can be improved. Often it only
takes one person to bring more love and caring into that relationship.

Where in your relationships can you bring more love today?

Arvind Devalia is a published author, blogger and

life-coach, based in London, UK. He is passionate
about empowering people, contributing to the
world through his work and enhancing excellence in
individuals and in companies.

Visit Arvind’s blog and register for his free e-book

“Make It Happen” and for his inspirational tips and
ideas about how to make your life the best possible.

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 64
 About Barrie Davenport
Barrie is a career and life transition coach, partnering with people who
want to make amazing changes in their lives and bloom fearlessly. She is
also a blog coach, working with individuals to help them launch or polish
their blogs to build readership and generate income. For over twenty-five
years, she was a public relations pro-
fessional working in corporate, agen-
cy, and non-profit settings. She also
ran her own public relations consul-
tancy.

She is the writer for the blog, Live

Bold and Bloom and author of the
Discover Your Passion e-Course,
as well as the free guide, The Bold
Living Guide: 7 Free Ingredients
for a Meaningful Life.

She is also editor-in-chief for The Daily Brainstorm, a Blogazine to

Rock Your Mind.

Barrie lives in Roswell, Georgia (a suburb of Atlanta), and has three teen-
age children. You can contact Barrie at mybloomlife@gmail.com.

www.liveboldandbloom.com | 65