Parenting Styles: Unit 2

Introduction
Parenting style is defined as how parents and other caregivers care for and discipline children.
● Parents use a style they feel comfortable with and matches their personality and values.
● No one parenting style is considered “right” or “best.”
● No one style works best for all children.
● Parents need to adapt their parenting style as children grow and change.
● There are three main parenting styles.

1. Authoritarian
Characteristics of this style of parenting include:
● Strict discipline
● Parents control children’s behaviour
● Behaviour is managed through rewards and punishment
● Physical punishment may be used
● Rules are rigid
● Children are expected to obey adults with little explanation or reasons given

Effects of this style parenting on children:

● Lower self-esteem
● Higher levels of aggression
● Children may feel rejected by their parents
● “I love you when you are good” message is conveyed to children
● Physical abuse may occur

2. Permissive
Characteristics of this style of parenting include:
● Few rules
● Emphasis on freedom of action
● Little parietal control or guidance offered to children
● Children may control the family
● Overindulge children
● Children learn the wrongdoing from the results of their actions

Effects of this style parenting on children:

● Impulsive behaviour
● Irresponsible behaviour
● Immaturity
● Less likely to consider the effects of their behaviour on others
● Less oriented on achievement
 3. Authoritative
Characterics of this type of parenting include:
● Warmth and support
● Acceptance of children whatever behaviour is displayed
● Guidelines are in place to help children learn to live society
● Guidelines are flexible and adaptable to different situations
● Children make decisions within the limits set by parents
● Rules are explained and reasons are given for them
● Punishment is directly related to misbehaviour

Effects of this style parenting on children:

● Better adjusted socially and emotionally
● Stronger self-concept
● Higher self-control
● More independence
● Achievement oriented
● Able to make better decisions during their teen years

4. Attachment *(Extra Example)*

Characterics of this type of parenting include:
● Neglectful parents ignore their children, who must raise themselves
● Don’t set rules or expectations
● They don't provide guidance when needed

Effects of this style parenting on children:

● Substance abuse
● Often act out
● Rebelliousness
● Delinquency
● Lower cognitive and emotional empathy

Guiding Children’s Behaviour

Introduction
● Guiding children's behavior can be both the hardest and most most rewarding task of
parenting.
● Guidance using firmness and understanding to help children learn to behave
● With effective guidance, children learn self-discipline and the ability to control one's own
behaviour.
○ Children learn to get along and to handle their feelings in acceptable ways
 ○ Promotes security and positive self-esteem
○ Helps children develop a conscience: an inner sense of what is right and wrong

Understanding Guidance
Parents can successfully guide their children in three ways:
1. Being a Role Model
2. Setting limits
3. Positive Reinforcement

1. Being a Role Model

● Children are great imitators and learn best by being shown what to do rather than by
simply being told what to do
● That is why parents need to demonstrate at all times those behaviours they would like to
see in their own children
● Parents need to model respect, honesty and kindness

2. Setting Limits
● Setting limits is another way to guide children’s behaviour
● Children need limits to help them understand expectations and acceptable behaviours,
and to develop self-control
● Limits should keep children from hurting themselves, other people, or property
● Limits should be stated simply and briefly and in a calm, direct tone of voice
● Limits must also be clear
● Limits will often have to be repeated each time the situation arises
● Once established and explained, limits should be firmly and consistently enforced

3. Positive Reinforcement
● Positive reinforcement: giving children attention when their actions are appropriate and
encourages a particular behaviour
● Children learn to repeat actions and behaviours that win the attention and approval from
adults
● Positive reinforcement can be used to help change a problem behaviour and to strengthen
good behaviour
● To encourage appropriate behaviour:
○ Be specific
○ Comment on the behaviour as soon as possible
○ Recognize small steps
○ Help children take pride in their actions
○ Cater the encouragement to the needs of the child
○ Use positive reinforcement wisely
Dealing with Inappropriate Behaviour
● All children misbehave from time to time
● Adults must deal with the situation appropriately and effectively
● A child’s age should govern an adult’s response to inappropriate behaviour
● Parents and caregivers should consider the following when responding to misbehaviour:
○ Is the expected behaviour appropriate given the child's age and development
○ Does the child understand that the behaviour was wrong?
○ Did the child do the behaviour knowingly and deliberately, or was it beyond the
child’s control?

Unintentional Behaviour
● Misbehaviour is sometimes unintentional and should not be punished
○ Dropping a heavy glass of milk or unintentionally break something
● Misbehaviour is unintentional if the child had no way of knowing it was wrong and
should not be punished
○ A child picking flowers in a park and bringing them home to a parent

Using Punishment Effectively

● When children test limits and intentionally misbehave, punishment (used thoughtfully
and with good judgement) can be effective
● Parents should clearly show that they disapprove of the behaviour, but that they still love
the child
● Punishment given should be in proportion to and/or related to the misbehavior

Negative Reinforcement
● Negative reinforcement: a response aimed at discouraging children from repeating an
inappropriate behaviour
● Several methods of negative reinforcements include:
○ Natural consequence
○ Logical consequence
○ Loss of privilege
○ Time-Out

Natural Consequence
● With natural consequence, children suffer from the actual result of their actions
○ Example - if a child loses his new jacket, the natural consequence will be the
places do not replace it and the child has to wear the old one
● Parents should not lecture since, for children, it often difficult enough to have to live with
the consequence
 ● Parents should not attempt to fix the situation because it defeats the purpose
○ Children who are rescued from their choice will expect to be saved whenever they
make poor choices

Logical Consequence
● Parents may address a child’s misbehaviour with consequences that connect directly to
the misbehaviour
○ example - if a child colours on the wall with crayons, the logical consequence
would be able to take the crayons away for the day and have the child help clean
the crayons off the wall
● Parents should be prepared to follow through with the logical consequence since a lack of
commitment shows the child that they do not need to take the limit or the parent seriously

Loss of Privilege
● In some cases, a parent might take away a privilege instead and this type of punishment is
most effective with children age 5 and older
● The privilege taken away should be connected to the misbehaviour
○ Example: if a child rides their bike on a busy road when they have been
instructed not to, the child loses the privilege to ride their bike for a week

Time-Out
● Time-Out: a short period of time in which the child sits away from other people and the
centre of the activity
● Purpose- to give the child a chance to calm down and regain control
○ example - if a child grabs a toy of another child even after being warned, a
time-out may be an appropriate way to calm the child down
● One minute of time-out for each year if a child's age is usually a good length of time

Poor Disciplinary Measures

● Well-meaning adults sometimes use poor disciplinary techniques that are less effective
than others and sometimes harmful such as:
- Bribing
- Making children promise to behave
- Shouting or yelling
- Shaming or belittling
- Threatening to withhold love
- Exaggerating the consequence