When embarking on a new relationship—especially if you've experienced heartbreak in the past
—you may struggle to find the right balance between opening up and protecting your heart.
To have a meaningful, long-lasting relationship, you must be comfortable with yourself while
believing that you truly deserve happiness.
But, vulnerability is an important part of a relationship, as it allows you to forge a deeper, more
meaningful bond with another person - but it doesn't come without its risks.
Opening yourself up to another person can be scary, especially if you don't yet know if the
relationship will last.
If you want to protect your heart as you start dating someone new, follow these five expert-
approved tips.
Take Things Slowly
One main reason people end up hurt is they rush things. For example, if you're physically
intimate (i.e. sex) with someone before you truly get to know that person, it can lead to
heartache if the feelings aren't mutual.
Taking things slowly means spending quality time with someone before hitting major relationship
milestones.
The rush of infatuation leads people to take the next steps in their relationship without looking
objectively at the odds of the relationship succeeding.
Unfortunately, many of these hurried unions lead to disappointment as the relationship falls
apart before it’s even had time to take shape.
Find Someone Who Shares Your Values
Another way to protect your heart is to find a partner who shares your goals and values.
If you're into exclusive relationships, avoid dating people who never want to settle down, are
only looking for flings, or desire open relationships. Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., ABPP says
that research shows "that relationships that are built on shared values are much more likely to
endure. Sure, a fantastic lover offers thrills and chills, but someone who shares your core values
will be by your side once the early excitement subsides and the goosebumps disappear." If you
want to prevent future heartbreak, do your best to select a partner who wants the same things
you do.
Pay Close Attention to Red Flags
Don't ignore any relationship red flags.
If you're with someone who's physically and/or emotionally abusive, lies or mistrusts you - these
are key signs that you should end the relationship ASAP.
A red flag is a good intuitive image to help you process what you’re really feeling. At the end of a
difficult relationship, people often say, 'He (or she) told me who he (or she) was at the very
beginning, but I just didn’t listen.
Learn to trust what you feel. Your hunch is probably right
Do Not Settle
A way to prevent yourself from getting hurt is to be in a relationship with someone for the right
reasons.
(i.e. Are you ready for long-term relationship? Is the other person ready for a long-term
relationship? Do you both have similar ‘core values and long-term goals?)
Do not have intimate relations with everyone who you meet.
(i.e. Having sex on the first or second date can cloud your judgement. Once you've become
intimate with someone, you might be more tempted to look past “red flags” or deal breakers.
Having sex right away can speed up the relationship a bit, and it takes away the initial “get to
know you” portion of dating)
Given the importance of social connection to our well-being, it is understandable that we seek
out intimate relationships, but when fear of being alone drives our romantic decisions, it can lead
us to exercise poor judgment and to choose relationships that are unlikely to last.
Stop Focusing on the Superficial
Focus on what truly matters to you, as an individual, and what you truly need from a
relationship. Concentrate on values, goals, and morals, rather than high-paying jobs and luxury
items.
Also, if you like someone - but they do not exactly fit into a certain mold - you may want to give
them a chance vs missing out on a deeper connection.
