How to Raise Successful People

Parenting is an awesome occupation

It's amazing how the best things in life often get overlooked. Parenting is
one of those things. Bringing children into this world and preparing them
for adulthood is no small task; society should heavily reward every parent.
But parenting is much like teaching — no reward can compensate for the
value you're offering, and the impact of your work can only be measured
in eternity.

Another thing that makes parenting unique is that there is no school for it,
and every parent has a unique style of raising kids. Undoubtedly, some
styles are highly effective, others work just fine, and others shouldn't even
exist.

So, where do people learn to parent, anyway?

For the most part, we learn from our parents or primary caregivers. And
that's an important lesson for all parents: your children subconsciously
learn from you. They note how you react to issues, how you deal with
people, and the words you use often.
Everything you say and do — including your hidden motives — stays in
your child's subconscious memory.
The parenting style you inherited from your parents might be insufficient
for our time, so it makes sense to learn better ways to raise your kids.
Nearly every parent desires to raise successful children and protect them
from the harsh experiences they had themselves.

You will learn time-tested parenting principles that have worked for
centuries. Some parents discovered them by accident or trial and error;
others learned from mentorship. Get ready for a dramatic change in your
parenting style that will bring joy both to you and your kids!
Parenting is how culture gets transmitted to the next generation. ~ Esther
Wojcicki
Esther Wojcicki
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Children are complete human beings
Let that sink deep. Your children are not less human because they are
young; they come into the world as whole beings, and your only job is to
guide them through their developmental stages. That means they have
unique passions and desires that may not agree with you. It also means
they have a mind of their own, and even as toddlers, they largely know
what is good for them. This understanding is vital because it will keep you
from being the kind of parent that trains their kids to become exactly like
them. Such an attitude will create a healthy balance in your relationship,
encouraging respect from both sides.
Encourage your kid’s individuality and self-expression.
Parents who aren't aware of this try to make their kids do things they
would have done if they were younger, for example, career choices. Some
parents insist that their kids must choose a particular career path. It works
sometimes, but most of the time, the child ends up frustrated because
they are torn between following their passion and doing what their
parents expect.

It's essential to draw the line between your desires, your child's passion,
and parenting duties. Try not to cross the line. If you truly want your kids
to grow into successful adults, you must let them explore the world for
themselves. Of course, you must guide them where necessary, but the
whole point is that you mustn't impose. You can cultivate trust, respect,
independence, collaboration, and kindness (TRICK) right from day one.

TRICK was developed by Esther Wojcicki, the mother of three highly

successful women and a fulfilled teacher who has inspired thousands of
students to succeed. You cultivate each element in varying degrees
depending on your child's age. You should also be a good role model. Your
kids, no matter their age, constantly learn from your words and attitude.
The sweet part is that these elements are intertwined.

Did you know? Children with busy parents often trust their teachers more
than their parents, as trust develops through frequent communication
rather than just living together.
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Trust is the foundation for a stable adult

life
We live in times that make it extremely difficult to trust people. Just open
your web browser, scroll to your favorite news site for only a minute, and
you will see more than enough reasons not to trust people. The news of
rape, abuse, and various vices makes it hard to trust our neighbors,
partners, teachers, and even ourselves.

How do we raise kids under these circumstances? It's indeed a tall order.
We all know trust is fundamental to growth, development, and peaceful
living, but how do we do it? How can we give our kids enough world
exposure, teach them to trust their abilities, and have hope in humanity
while at the same time warning them to ward off danger? It is a question
every parent must answer if they want to be successful.

First, let's set some things straight: the world is not as dangerous as the
media makes it out to be. Remember, the media makes money primarily
by massaging your emotions, and fear is the most profitable feeling to
take advantage of.

Studies show that we live in the most peaceful times in human history. Of
course, bad things are still happening, but not to the degree we have
endured in past times.
Trust from a caregiver increases a child's confidence in their abilities.
Follow this golden rule: make your child want you but not need you.

Parents think their kids need them, so they make it a point always to be
there to meet their needs. The result is that kids become overly
dependent on their parents, which is detrimental because it will affect
their performance in school and as adults. Make this golden rule your
guiding principle when relating to your children, and start it from day one.
For instance, you don't always have to come to their aid when crying;
trust them sometimes to put themselves to bed. And when they get older,
refrain from constantly policing their online activities; give them some
space and trust. It may sound extreme, but let them make mistakes
occasionally. To err is human and nothing teaches us better than our
mishaps.
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Trust works both ways in parenting

Create a situation where trust between you and your child is mutual. It will
balance their development and be a secure foundation for launching to
the larger world.

Most parents struggle with their teenagers. Once kids get into middle and
high school, they become independent of their parents in a negative way,
to the extent that they cease to confide in or take advice from them. This
issue is common, but underlying is a matter of trust.
When you feel your child drifting away, don’t make them feel guilty about
it.
It's a helpless situation for parents when their children stop talking to
them because every parent wants to help their children in all the ways
they possibly can. So, how do you become a different parent? And how do
you make your children so comfortable with you that they can tell you
anything?

You have to start when they are little kids! Show them that you genuinely
love them — that means being a good listener. Your kids seek to
communicate with you even when they have not started speaking. It's
how they relate. And as the years go by and they start interacting with
people outside the family, the desire to share becomes deeper. Don't cut
them off because you're busy. Always find time to listen to them express
themselves. Neglect leaves deep wounds that hurt connections your child
will form throughout their lives.

For busy parents, a good practice can be creating time for everyone to
talk about how they spent their day, what happened, and what they liked
or disliked about their experience. It will forge a deep connection between
all members of your family. It won't only benefit the kids; everyone in the
house will feel special, appreciated, and loved.
We all have the ability to “earn” security through conscious self-reflection,
which we can then pass on to our children. ~ Esther Wojcicki
Esther Wojcicki
Did you know? A 2015 report by Power to Decide says that two-thirds of
families started by young unmarried mothers are poor. Additionally, more
than half of mothers on welfare started family life in their teenage years.
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For kids, independence equals grit and

competence
Successful people come from all walks of life, but they all have a few
things in common, known as the principles for success. We've read them
in books, seen them on TV, and heard them in podcasts. Those who
applied the tenets have proof that they work. One of those vital principles
is grit. No one gets ahead in life without it.
Grit signifies staying determined no matter what.
People often develop this attitude without knowing it, especially those
who have endured hardships before finding comfort. The link between
trouble of any kind and comfort is grit. There's no single person who
created a successful life for themselves that didn't have to develop grit.

But how do you encourage this mental attitude in your kids, especially if
they were born into a comfortable life?

Here's how: allow them to experience the inevitable challenges of being

human. Overprotective parents make it a point to remove as much
difficulty from their children's lives as possible. These parents buy grades
for their kids and protect them from being too “exposed” so they won't
get hurt. This behavior is how helicopter parenting works, and it doesn't
help children; it makes them weak adults. Understand that it's okay for
your children to experience failure, heartbreak, or any other unwanted
experience that's part of being human. Don't fret because it's by going
through those things that they develop into capable people.

Helicopter parenting will also cause inevitable relationship issues between

you and your child. Kids grow up and start realizing everything that
happens behind the scenes. When they find out how patronizing your
attitude was toward them, they might react with resentment. Sooner or
later, they’ll face the adult world and find myriads of difficulties there.
Because of your protectiveness, they won’t know how to manage or deal
with the problems on their own. But this advice doesn’t encourage you to
be neglectful or refuse to help your kids when they need it. What’s
essential to remember here is that you have to give your children enough
mental resources to tackle complicated situations independently.

Helicopter parenting also lays the foundation for codependent tendencies.

By solving your kids' problems, you take their agency away from them.
When they grow up, they’ll expect other people to tackle the issues they
experience. This habit is a sure way of forming unhealthy relationships
that make everyone miserable.
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It's okay if your child fails to catch up early
Because of our love for our children, we desire only the best for them.
When things don't seem to go as expected, we worry. We worry when our
children don't walk or speak early like other children. We're concerned
about their academic performances; we constantly wonder if they will
grow up successful. All of these and many more worries are normal and
completely legitimate.

But while that is true, parents must also understand the place of patience.
Every child is different, so you shouldn't expect them to be like their
peers.

Managing expectations can lead to less frustration and disappointment for

parents. It can also help children develop stronger autonomy and self-
esteem and promote healthy communication and understanding within
the family unit. Of course, it doesn’t mean that you should have no
expectations at all. Believe in your kids, but don’t put too much pressure
on them. Ask them about their aspirations and encourage them to the
best of your abilities.

A good trick is to avoid teaching your kids that concepts such as

intelligence are personality traits. Don’t focus on how “smart” they are
and don’t call them “stupid.” When they are good at something, praise
their progress and actions for achieving it. Put skills at the center of
attention. When your kid returns from school and tells you they got an
excellent grade on a test, don’t tell them, “You’re so smart!” Instead, opt
for, “I know you worked hard to get those results. I’m very proud of your
efforts.” This way, your child will learn that being smart is not an inherent
trait people are born with. They’ll view intelligence as a skill a person
must work for and put intentional effort into.
Rather than complaining about their timing, the best you can do for your
children is be there for them and guide them in every way you can.
It's common for young adults to try out multiple things before finding the
ones they resonate with. Don't panic. The most important thing is that
your young adult is doing something productive because productivity is
what you should actively encourage. As such, keep your young adults
from spending their time playing video games or lazing around.
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Conclusion
Kids don’t come into the world knowing exactly how they should relate to
everything around them. That’s why they need you in those early years of
their lives. The first ten years of a child’s life is a real opportunity to
develop a deep parent-child connection and teach moral values they will
hold onto forever. Your child learns from you primarily through your words
and actions. They are observing even when you think they are not.
Therefore, don’t say one thing and do the exact opposite. Your words and
actions must be coherent; otherwise, you’ll confuse your child. For
example, a child experiences confusion if their parents teach them to live
in peace with other kids while fighting each other weekly.

To ensure your child learns what you teach them quickly, don’t show them
contrary behaviors. If you want your child to be kind to others, the best
way to demonstrate it is by showing kindness to the people around you.
Similarly, teaching financial prudence is not enough; you must
demonstrate how you run the house. It makes sense to involve them in
some of your budgeting activities. It drives the lesson home for them,
making it something they will never forget. Apply the same principle to
anything you want to teach your children.

Try this

Increase collaboration in your family by asking for your children’s opinions

when making family decisions. It increases their confidence and sense of
value. Be respectful of their views, ask follow-up questions, and
encourage discussion. Don’t be afraid to tell them when their assumptions
are faulty, but do it kindly. Propose alternatives to opinions that don’t fit
and ask for their assessment of your proposals.
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