Topic: Smartphone is essential for morden life?
Overall Band Score:
5.5
Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.
Grammar Mistakes:
43
Vocabulary Repetition:
smartphone: 7
people: 4
using: 3
----Corrected Writing----
Original Corrected
Most people today have a smartphone. Most people today have a smartphone.
But are they really essential for morden But are they really essential for modern
life? I think there are both advantages life? I think there are both advantages
and disadvantages and disadvantages.
First of all, smartphone is a best way to First of all, a smartphone is a best way
communicate with other people. With a to communicate with other people. With
phone, you can call with your parents, a phone, you can call your parents, text
text with your friends or even connect your friends, or even connect with
with everyone around the world, everyone around the world, regardless
regardless of time, distance and of time, distance, and weather. For
weather. One example is there are example, there are many apps such as
many apps such as Zalo, Facebook, Zalo, Facebook, WhatsApp, or
WhatsApp or Instagram, which are very Instagram, which are very common and
common and easy to use for keeping in easy to use for keeping in touch with
touch with friends and family. Secondly, friends and family. Secondly, a
smartphone such as a great partner on smartphone is a great partner on the
the learning path without money or learning path without limitations. We just
condition. Just need a device, we can need a device; we can search for
search for numerous informations, numerous pieces of information that we
which we are looking for. Nowadays, are looking for. Nowadays, most
most students are using Chatgpt, students are using ChatGPT, Gemini, or
Gemini or Online Education for online education for studying.
studying.
In another case, smartphones hide
In another case, smartphone is hiding dangerous effects. According to
dangerous effects. According to the statistics, the number of young people
statistics, the number of young people who are becoming addicted to using
who have becoming addicted to using smartphones is increasing quickly. This
smartphone are increasing quickly. This is an alarming thing because it not only
is an alarming things because it not only harms your mental health but also your
harms your mental health but also your physical health. If you spend most of
physical health. If you spend most of your time on a smartphone, it will affect
your time on smartphone, it will effects your eyes, your head, and also make
your eyes, your head and also make you lose focus on your life. That means
you lose focus on your life. That mean you are living in a virtual world and
you are living in a virtual world and becoming introverted or depressed.
becoming introverted or depression. Moreover, using mobile phones too
Moreover, using mobile phone too much much can create an invisible distance
can make an invisible distance between between people. They will less often
people. They will less face to face to face to face communicate. Instead ,
communicate. Instead of that, they just they just meet and talk through the
meet and talk through the phone's phone's screen. So it is very easy to
screen. So it is very easy to misread misread and difficult to deeply
and difficult to deeply understand each understand each other.
other.
To sum up, although a smartphone is
To sum up, although smartphone is very useful in modern life, we need to
very useful in morden life, we neeed to be careful with them, use them wisely,
be careful with these, use them wisely and not let them control our lives. The
and not let them control our lives. The smarter you use them, the better life you
more smarter you use , the better lives can make.
you can make
Word Count: 301
Word Count: 304
----Feedback----
Task Response Coherence & Lexical Resource Grammatical
Cohesion Range &
Accuracy
6 5 5.5 4.5
The essay The essay's The essay The essay
presents a structure is demonstrates a contains numerous
balanced generally clear, but satisfactory range grammatical errors
discussion of the the flow could be of vocabulary, but that significantly
advantages and improved. The more precise and impact clarity and
disadvantages of numerous sophisticated word fluency. Improving
smartphones, grammatical errors choices would grammatical
adequately affect the overall strengthen the accuracy is crucial
addressing the coherence and arguments. Some for a higher score.
prompt. However, readability. Better vocabulary is used
the arguments paragraphing and inappropriately.
could be further transitional
developed with phrases would
more specific enhance the
examples and cohesion.
deeper analysis to
achieve a higher
score.
